Chapter 4:
Draco brought Hermione downstairs immediately after, she was too shaken to walk and he didn't mind scooping her into his arms and bringing her down; he needed to feel her close and to feel her heart beat against his skin. He set her on the couch flinching when the room went into concerned chaos when they saw the blood on her shirt and on his face. Harry had just come out of the bathroom and at the sight he ran towards Hermione, stopping when Draco released a protective growl.
"What the hell happened?" Harry questioned, backing away slowly.
"She was attacked in her sleep." Draco sighed, frustrated.
"What do you mean?" Ginny whispered. "What about the wards you put up?"
"There was nothing in the room!" He shouted. "The wards weren't breached! I have no idea what the hell happened but look at this." He grabbed Hermione's arm gently and showed them all the blistering flesh that was in the shape of a hand, then began healing it. "It was the same thing that was on her hard four days ago, except this was much worse."
"What could be bloody worse." Ron mumbled.
Hermione spoke up in a soft voice, she retold her nightmare. Accept that it wasn't like a nightmare. It felt too real and the Longbottoms had warned her to run as if they knew, they had encouraged her to leave as quickly as she could and she tried. Merlin knows she tried to run, but the halls stretched on forever and the closer she thought she got to escaping it extended; which made it become a nightmare again. It was like it was going back and forth from reality to dream. She told them about Lucius, how he had changed from being so perfect to being haggard and afraid of the 'seed being planted' that he felt there was no choice but to kill her. And then the dream turned back to reality because she had been wounded in her sleep and it had happened in real life. No one had any words of wisdom for her, she didn't know this was possible and no one else did either. It shouldn't have been and that's what got her the most, she didn't mind the wounds; it was the not knowing.
"If we don't know what is going on then what are we going to do?" Hermione asked, looking around the room.
"Move." Draco said.
"No." She said sadly. "This is a perfect house and i don't want to leave it. I have yet to be conscious in this house for a whole day but I already love it." She stood up, not backing down on her decision. "Whatever this is, we are going to put it on the back burner. We will study and figure something out, its not just going to go away if we move Draco and you know that. We will get through this but right now I just want to pretend things are not for once, even if its just for a little bit."
Draco looked at her, his mouth twitching like he was going to argue. And he wanted to, he wanted to tell her to sit down and shut up; the part of him that was still very ill tempered wanted to yell and her and be angry at her because she didn't understand how he felt about not being able to keep her safe from something he couldn't see. Draco felt that her idea to stay here, in this house that had already been tainted with a bad memory, was ridiculous; but she was right that it wouldn't just go away and this was the first time since the end of the war that she had spoken on what she wanted. He felt it was truly what she wished for and he wasn't going to take that away from her, he couldn't. The idea of ruining any ounce of happiness she could get hurt him and he would never do it; not ever.
"Fine." He said reluctantly. "Its late and we need to clean ourselves up. You all should go home, we will discuss this more later. Thank you for all your help." He said, walking over and holding his hand out to Potter to shake. Harry did, Ron nodded at him and Ginny surprised them all when she got up on her toes and hugged him.
"Protect her." She whispered , quietly enough so he could hear, before pulling away and heading out with her arm tucked in the crook of Harry's arm, saying a quick goodbye to Hermione.
He turned to see Hermione turned away from everyone and staring at the bookshelves by the fireplace, organizing her little knickknacks and pursuing through the selection. He smiled when she nodded in approval at a title or when she mumbled that she was going to have to put that on her reading list. Distraction was evidently key for her to keep moving on and living. It wouldn't be too hard to distract her, a lot had to be done in the house to still get ready and Teddy would be living with them; she would be kept plenty busy if he had any say in it. But Draco wondered how long it would be until she broke down and distractions weren't enough.
"Come here." He whispered.
Hermione turned towards him confused, "Why?"
"I want to hold you."
"That was rather blunt of you." She commented.
"Its what I want."
Hermione walked over to him with a heavy sigh, she didn't want him to touch her. It shouldn't be normal for her to feel that way with their bond, but theirs was special and different was it not? All the books she read, even if some of the information was untrue like the spoiling bond, taught her that they were able to want distance. At least that's what she told herself. She really wanted to just throw herself at him, but she didn't trust herself around Draco. She didn't trust that her strength would maintain, he had been her protector and comforter and she was depended on him for everything and she couldn't allow herself to be like that. Mentally she put up the walls before she wrapped her arms around his torso then she pulled away as quickly as she had touched him.
"Well it looks like the house is practically done, apart from some items that I would like to move around. When did you say Teddy would be back.?"
"Soon. Can I have a kiss?"
"No." She blurted.
"Why not?" He sighed, his Veela whining inside him and feeling rejection stab into his heart.
"I haven't brushed my teeth and I threw up earlier and its gross and all of that." She made up quickly in a joking tone that was meant to ease the situation.
"Is that so?" He asked, slyly, hoping he could draw her to him.
Just as he was about to take a step towards her, Hermione felt her stomach lurch and she ran passed the couch and into the kitchen; throwing up what little contents she had in her stomach. It was mainly acid that burned her nose and throat since she had not had any food or liquid for quite some time. She heaved, one hand clutching her stomach, the other hand with the palm flat against the cold granite as if bracing herself. Only a little bit came out of her before she turned on the faucet to rinse out the sink and dipped her mouth under the flow of cool water to swish the taste out. She spit and went back under the stream, the icy liquid soothing her throat and settling her stomach.
"You've been doing that for days." Draco sighed. "The dark magic that my father exposed to you is reacting horribly with your body."
"Dark magic can do that? Hermione questioned, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
"Oh yes. It was the same for me when I was exposed to the cruciatus curse. It was cast for so long at one time that I had fallen dreadfully ill for a week. I was so tired and sick my mother thought I was going to die for sure from exposure. It'll pass soon." He said, rubbing her back comfortingly. "I am going to guess that you aren't hungry."
"I am actually." Hermione chuckled."Something light would be best though."
"Toast?"
"Can you even made toast?" She questioned, taking a look at his offended face before she keeled over in laughter. "I'm sorry that was mean." But it was clear she wasn't at all sorry, Draco was just glad to hear her laugh."
"For your information I can fook toast. Its that white machine and you just push down the lever after you plug it into the magic source."
Hermione bit her lip, trying not to laugh at his confidence. "You mean the electrical source."
"Same thing." He muttered, going over to the counter space and pulling out a slice of bread and popping it into the toaster. He angled his body ever so slightly so that Hermione wouldn't be able to see that he was still trying to completely understand this contraption, even though it was easy he wanted to be sure he got everything correct. Harry had told him cooking was a lot like potions, you had to have ingredients and do things a certain way but with the muggleware things got simplified, if you knew how to use it that is.
He turned around with a smirk on his face, welcoming the lightness in the air. "See."
"Indeed." She said, jumping when the sound of the floo network disrupted the quiet. She turned around relieved when stepped out with Teddy who was giggle away at the fun of the journey. "Good heavens Molly you frightened me!" She laughed, running over and scooping Teddy into her arms.
"Oh Hermione dear I am so glad you are awake! Merlins beard what happened to your clothes?" She gasped, her eyes falling on the blood.
"Long story. Harry will fill you in if you ask him." Hermione muttered.
Molly, with her motherly instincts, sensed that Hermione was more on edge than usual and decided to drop it. "Right. Well I am glad you are awake dear, put us through quite a fright. Teddy's all fed and cleaned up. Owl if you need anything."
"I will. thank you." Hermione smiled at the friendly old witch and watched her disappear in the green flame.
"Hey little guy." Draco said, coming over and kissing his little mass of brown hair.
Hermione watched amazed when Teddy's hair went straight to platinum blonde once when Draco's lips touched his head. Teddy placed a small hand on Draco's cheek and put on on Hermione's, then he closed his eyes tightly like he was trying to pass gas; and his hair slowly turned into curly blonde silk. He released a giggle before he opened his eyes, the normally green eyes now gone and replaced with one blue grey eye and one carmel eye. Hermione looked at Draco who looked equally surprised and proud. He took Teddy into his arms and spun in a circle.
"Good show mate!" He said. "You'll get the eyes next time."
"I've never seen anything like that before. He's only a couple months and he is developing quickly."
"Its a good thing. He can learn how to control it better if he starts young, little risky but I know a potion that we can make to put in his bottle before going into public."
"How would you know that?"
"It suppresses magic ability, they give it to kids who can't control their magic or abuse it at a young age. My mother gave it to me when I was little, I was quite the mischievous little bugger."
"Of course you were." Hermione said, grabbing Teddy from him. "Its time for bed little guy."
She kissed his cheek and wandered up the stairs leaving Draco in the kitchen to stare after her. Hermione opened the door to Teddy's room and flicked on the light before setting him into his crib. He was grabbing at his little feet and making incoherent baby noises that made Hermione smile. "You're parents would be so proud of you, and you will be so proud of them. They are hero's. They fought to give you the life you have now, you may be angry and not understand right away but you will one day. And I hope that one day you can accept me as your mother. Sleep well." She leaned over and kissed his head before heading out of the room and back to the kitchen where the smell of burnt toast welcomed her.
"Don't look." Draco said.
"I can spell it you know." She chuckled, moving next to him. "Wash the blood off of your face. You'd scare anyone that came in."
"Maybe that's the plan."
"Whatever." Hermione grabbed the burnt toast and threw it in the trash before heading upstairs to their bedroom. She noticed Draco follow her but she tried to ignore him.
Hermione wished she could figure out what was going on with her, straighten out the jigsaw inside of her head. She knew she was acting strange, it was normal to grieve. To shut off from the world and process what had happened after loved ones died, then you add all the trauma that went with it; it wasn't hard to ignore their bond. But Hermione could feel the love there inside of her, even if she was intent on ignoring it. She didn't know what else to do, she didn't want to change anything right now, everything she had seen and done was now hovering over her and reminding her that the people who died were the ones who should have been alive the ones who were worthy of living.
Hermione dug through the closet and built in drawers pulling out a pair of flannel pants and a white T-shirt before she turned around, walked past Draco, and went into the bathroom closing the door behind her without another word. Actions like that are what stumped her. She felt guilty about it before, during and after yet she didn't stop herself. She turned the shower on and stepped into the steaming spray, leaning her head against the cold tile she allowed the agony to flood in behind her closed eyelids.
The emptiness consumed her and ate her very being. The people she had grown up with, all of her friends and those she considered family were dead. They were buried in the ground never able to have children, get married or see that they did not die in vain. They would never see what the Wizarding world was coming to now because they were all dead. She couldn't ever hug them again, thank Neville for volunteering his life for hers; or tell them she is sorry that they were robbed of the chance to live a life that they fought for. And then she remembered the torture, it felt so real. The physical and emotional torture threatened to choke her now. The pure fire that coursed through her veins, the embarrassment of being seen at her weakest moment; a mudblood in the ground and coated in her own essence of life like what she deserved. Not having her parents to help her through this, she didn't even know where they were and the fact that she made the decision to take their memories; no matter how true her intentions had been, made her feel guilty and lonely.
It was all taking a toll on her and now she had to deal with her choices along with everything that was going on. All of her emotional confusions right now along with the mystery of Lucius's sudden behavior. How could he try to kill himself, how could he try and kill her? Her getting attacked by something she couldn't see scared her to pieces. Yet she had a contradictory mind playing games on her. She wanted to die, she had overwhelming guilt that she was alive while people she loved were dead; she thought it should have been her instead, especially since 'her kind' were a contributing factor for the start of the war. She couldn't see the point of living, the colors were duller and happy moments were bland. But apart of her, deep down, wanted to live and wouldn't give up. No matter how stressful this new problem was for her.
Hermione felt Drao enter the shower with her, she didn't turn to see him because she didn't want to. She didn't want to see the sympathy, love and need in his eyes. She was being unfair to him, she wasn't who he fell in love with and she would feel too guilty looking at him now because she knew she wouldn't be that girl again. She had to shove him as far away as possible from her thoughts and feelings, she knew that he was able to read her a lot better than he used to; before he would just sense it but now he was getting rather good and she needed to shield herself.
Draco reached for her shoulders and pulled her towards his firm chest, resting his chin on the crook of her neck and cradling her body against his. Hermione felt herself cave into him, ever so slightly, until she was leaning against his chest in a relaxed position, the hot water spraying over their forms.
"I need you to stop this." Draco whispered softly, holding her closer when her body stiffened at his voice. "I want you to give into the happiness you feel instead of fighting it off because you think you deserve to be so miserable. I need you to understand that I need you, without you people would be sad and I would be dead." Draco turned her around so she could face him, his eyes locking to hers. "I love you and I need you."
Hermione's heart fluttered nervously in her chest and his words, she knew it was hard for him to open up and talk to her. It was hard for Draco to do emotions on general and yet he was a Veela, a being whose whole make up was a clump of different emotions. She understood what he meant by her allowing the happiness in, she knew she fought it off it was her defense. And when she looked into his piercing silver eyes she wanted to just melt into him; she wanted to drop everything inside her mind and allow him in. He was her happiness, she knew that because they were made for each other but when he leaned in to kiss her, Hermione turned her head regretfully to the side and allowed him to only kiss her cheek.
Draco sighed and nuzzled her neck with his nose inhaling her delicate scent and savoring it. "It'll all be okay."