Authors note: Its been a long time and I can't guarentee that this chapter will be the greatest. I just needed to get something up and I am hoping that if I keep writing and posting that I will get through the writers block and the funk that I am in. I am sorry if its not up to your expectations but I hope you enjoy it and thank you for sticking around with me.

Chapter 5:

Draco awoke suddenly to a loud noise, he reached across the bed for Hermione to pull her closer to him only to discover that she wasn't next to him. He sprung from the bed, his feet landing on the plush carpet, and he listened intently for any further disturbances in the night. He heard more banging, and what sounded to be whimpering coming from the bathroom. He slowly headed towards the door, twisting the golden handle he opened it and found his mate sitting on the floor in a crying heap. Her legs were folded together, one hand covered her eyes as tears poured out and one hand pressed against the floor to support her. Draco debating going over to her and holding her, or exiting the bathroom like the coward that he had been known for.

Normal cicumstances told him to go comfort her, it was his calling as a Veela and his duty. BUt things changed within these last months. She had pulled away from him more and more, had angry bursts. These last couple of weeks had been tense and while they weren't arguing they weren't exactly getting along either, Hermione was only being civil enough to talk about Teddy but other than that any other topics of discussion were off limits. She had even gone as far as to take drastic measures so she didn't touch him, like going to bed last or walking around the entriety of the table insdead of sliding passed him. He didn't know if she would accept his help or if she would have a sudden fit. He had been giving her the space she had required but the sound of his mates cries were ripping him apart inside, he had known she was feeling awful but she had yet to let those walls down and reveal her true feelings until he had just now caught her completely lost in her greif.

As if by magnetic force his feet shuffled foreward until he was sitting right beside her, not daring to touch her, but close enough that he could feel her body heat. Her head snapped up and her eyes went wide, startled to be found in such a state; but with all the noise she had been making what did she expect? Her face went through various stages: Agony, to shock, to ebarassment and then finally settled with anger. Her face was full of angry red splotches and tears that had escaped from their finally concealed ducts; but it didn't stop her from slapping Draco as hard as she could muster in the face.

Draco flinched back surprised and looked at her with such betrayal she almost felt sorry, but the fury inside her; all the feelings were bubbling up and she was about to turn into a raging volcano. "Get out." She hissed.

"No." Draco's eyes went steely silver, squinting at her through a glare.

"Then I will go." She moved to get up but Draco grabbed her arm and pulled her down right on her bottom. "How dare you?!" She shoved him away and hit him repeadedly wherever she could until his hands snatched her wrist in a firm grasp; his eyes flashing a solid black before returning to normal.

"You will stop this right now Hermione." He warned. "I only meant to come and see how you were doing."

"I'm fine and I don't need you to check up on me as if I were some child."

"The way you have been acting says otherwise."

The curt tone, the rude way it was said; it sparked something in Hermione. A mixture of things actually. She had felt hurt that he could say something like that to her in such a way, hurt that he had insulted her behavior; didn't he understand she couldn't control it? Then she felt this need in her to hurt him, to make him feel and know without a doubt how she was feeling; how she had been feeling every second since the war had ended.

"I hate you, get out of my face." She spat, a wave of guilt hitting her when he moaned and gripped his chest. He recovered as quickly as she did and both hands were on her face; and she almost caved into the little amount of comfort they provided.

"You don't mean that, I know you don't." He stroked her cheek with his thumb, fighting through the pain that threatened to engulf him and end his life. She had said it, after they had mated and everything they had gone through she had the audacity to say she hated him; and regardless if she meant it or not it was enough to kill him.

Hermione could feel the warmth from his hands spreading through her cheeks and travelling along her body. It felt so comfortable and familiar, she wanted to cave in and to snap herself out of this funky mood she had put herself in. The one where she hated the man who made her whole, the one where she pushed away that same man and ran away from her feelings. She knew the only reason why she did it was because she wanted to feel the pain of being alone and couldn't figure out why she got to be happy when everyone else was dead. She did it to punish herself and him, for reasons she couldn't explain; grief was blinding that way. It made you do unspeakable things and hurt the people around you without so much as a blink of an eye and you didn't even realize you had done it. And she knew from passed experience all she had to do was hug him, have him hold her and all her pain would be gone. It would all be over. But she couldn't allow that, she seemed too far gone now and she felt crazy enough for having so much anger let alone suddenly changing her emotions on him.

Hermione pushed him away from her again, his hands falling off of her cheeks loosely. "You don't know that."

"I do know that," He reached up slowly, his hands grazing her arms and Hermione felt her insides flutter. "You like how I touch you," He let his nose nuzzle her hair before he pulled away and looked into her eyes. "You're heartbeat has accelerated, your breathing has increased and you shaking right now. You don't hate me, its impossible. You know that, we have mated already and while our relationship is different from others its also known that unless I did something truly horrific; you cant hate me."

"I really need you to stay away from me." She got up to leave but Draco was right behind her, he grabbed her by her shoulders and pushed her against the wall so she had no where to go but to look into his eyes.

"Hermione, you walk out this door and I will walk out of your life. It will kill me and I don't care, you are killing me by being the the way you are now. I will not stand for this anymore its not healthy and quite frankly its boring me to tears." He hoped to Merlin he has said something that would provoke her enough to realize her behavior.

Hermione was shaking fiercly, her arms just wanted to wrap around his neck but everything else in her body was screaming at her to stop, and new tears found a way into her eyes. "Then go." She whispered, not realizing the words had come out of her mouth before it was too late.

Draco looked shocked for a moment and had to blink through his confusion before he picked her up, flinging her over his shoulder and throwing her onto the bed roughly. She tried to struggle against him, he shifted himself so his body was pressed completely against hers and she couldn't move from his grip; his arms holding her wrists down. She was grunting. growling and squirming with all of her might until she finally released a strangled scream and burst into fitful tears as frusteration, greif and all the other emotions that she couldn't make sense of rose to the surface and flooded out; she went limp underneath him.

He pushed aside the wet, matted hair that stuck to her face and peppered it with kisses. He stroked her cheek and shifted off of her, pulling her to her side while she cried her heart out. His hands held her face and she had curled up into a ball against him. Draco felt every single thing she did, but he imagined that whatever she was feeling had to have been worse than what he was feeling, he had only felt what she was at this momet, allowed himself to feel it; while she felt it every day and hid it from everyone around her. She was shaking with the effort it took for her to cry and all Draco could do was hold her tightly.

"I don't know what's happening to me." She whimpered. "One minute I think I am fine, the next I am so lost."

"Thats normal with everything you've gone through." He whispered. "Stop pushing me away and let me help you."

"Is there anything you really can do?" Hermione asked.

"Remember when you had your meltdown in the Manor after you had found out Voldemort was coming to meet you. You were behaving the same way you were now, its just lasting longer right now. And remember as soon as I held you, it was almost instantaneous, you calmed down. That was all it took, thats all it takes. The more you push me away the worse you and I both feel, and I know you know this. Let me hold you, let me love you Hermione. We don't have to keep living this way."

"I need it."

"Why? Why do you need to feel that way?"

Hermione pulled away from him and looked over his shoulder to stare at the wall lost in thought. Should she say it, should she not? It was a question she didn't know, would anyone understand it? She didn't even understand it herself. All she knew was why should she have any scrap of happiness when the people she loved who had died had nothing anymore; they lost everything and why shouldn't she? Then adding all the things she had gone through, it was just piling up into one ugly heap of depression. "I..." She paused, her eyes flicking to his. He was studying her intently.

"I already know the answer." He tucked a stray peice of hair behind her ears. "You have to let it go."

"How?!" She wailed. "They are all dead, every single one of them is dead!"

Draco looked at the raginig storms in her eyes and his heart went out to her. "I know that and there is nothing that will bring them back and there is nothing you could have done that would have prevented it. Death was inevitable. I'm sorry but its the fact of it, love. We knew that going in to the war people were going to die."

Hermione let his words sink into her mind and heart, covering her in what felt like a cool layer of snow that made her calm down slightly. "I just miss them so much. Teddy will never have his parents, Neville will never get to marry Luna like he had always fantasized about. I bet she doesn't even know how he feels. Or didn't. And I could have prevented his death." She said, pulling away and sitting crossed leg on the bed. Her hair fell around her like a curtain, "If I had kept my mouth shut and not provoked him. I should hav-"

"No Hermione. He risked his life and had become a hero that day. If you had died, I would have died. If I had died you would have refused to live. You can't live in a world of should have's, you have to snap out of this. I know you can."

Hermione looked up at him with a watery gaze before she broke into another round of tears. She brought her knees to her chest and hugged them tightly. It felt like every part of her was on fire, the pain inside of her chest was unlike anything she had ever felt; she would have preferred being tortured instead of this, at least she knew that would have stopped. This was a growing thing inside of her; building up until she couldn't breath. How could she accept the death of her friends? Of Teddy's family? It all seemed so hopeless, the pain was nothing she could ever describe. These past weeks she had been filled with intense greif, sad memories and unanswered questions that haunted her every waking moment. She felt she couldn't ever be the same, that things were never going to be normal again and this pain was what she deserved. But part of her wanted to move on and she didn't know if that made her a bad person, she wanted to move past this grief but she was terrified because past this wall of grief was going to be another wall of trauma; it was all piling against her.

Draco sat and watched her cry for a while, he'd never heard anything like it. It was a deep and throaty cry that tore at her soul and the make up of who she was. She tried to muffle the noise but pain this severe couldn't be stopped. He moved slowly off the bed to not disturb her and moved behind her, pulling her back into his chest as he lay against the headboard. He felt her tremers against him and he couldn't help but let some of his own tears escape. He had lost people too, his friend Goyle, his mom was just a hallow shell of who she used to be now and his father was losing his mind. He had watched his mate suffer and couldn't do anything about it, he hadn't been cunning enough to predict a spell that would hold him in place and prevent from helping her. He couldn't remember when their lives had fallen apart so quickly. In a blink things had changed, some good some bad. And life had become uncertain.

Hermione woke slowly at first, then all at once as she sat up in bed. Her face felt swollen, her eyes painfully dry and puffy, her head pounded and her throat ached. Last night hit her like a train as she remembered all her feelings had come to the surface. She rubbed her face before looking around her room, it was empty. The bed around her felt cold; she had been the only one in it for hours. She stood up shakily and headed for the bathroom, last night playing in her head over and over again. She had pushed Draco to his limit probably, that must have been why he wasn't here right now; she told him t go and he left. It would have probably been better this way.

She sat on the edge of the toilet, swallowing the sudden nausea that attacked her body. She had been throwing up these past couple of weeks, her body rejecting whatever Dark Magic she had been exposed to when she was at 's; Draco assured her it would go away soon and it definately had lessoned. She could swallow against the nausea and it would slowly disappear instead of her needing to throw up. After a couple of deep breaths she turned on the tub and decided on a bubble bath to soothe her, she went into one of the drawers and pulled it out, revealing rows and rows of different bottles with different potions and a special bubble concoction Draco had made for her. It was truly marvelous. It gave her a mix of bubbles, calming relaxation and even enhanced her mood slightly. It was exactly what she needed.

She dumped the contents into the tub and watched as the bubbles sprung to life and surrounded the sides of the tub first before filling in the rest of the tub. She sniffed in the scent of lavendar vanilla and felt the calming sense fill her already. Once when the tub was filled she felt foolish, in all of her morning haze she had forgotten to check on Teddy. She had never forgotten Teddy before. Groaning she turned off the water and headed out of the bathroom and to his bedroom. Her mind just wasn't clear as of late.

Hermione opened the door quietly only to find the bedroom empty. She tried not to panic, to not jump to conclusions. "Draco?" She called. Just as she turned out of the room he was finishing climbing up the stairs. "Where's Teddy?"

"He is with ." He said, slowly taking a step towards her as if he was testing his boundries.

"Why?"

"We could use a break. I have some things I want to talk to you about and I think you could do with some rest."

"I am perfectly capable of handling Teddy," She said, feeling her anger roar to life. She took a few deep breaths to get it under control for a second before she looked at him once again.

"I didn't mean you couldn't. I just thought it would be nice to have a break was all."

And just like that it roared. "If you wanted a break you shouldn't have suggested we take Teddy in!"

Draco just stared at her for a moment before he looked away, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know what else to do. I don't know what to say to help you."

Hermione didn't have the answers for him. She didn't even know, but she knew her anger wasn't meant for him. It wasn't meant for anyone really; it was just a feeling she had from all the events within the past year. It swarmed her senses and ate her alive every second of everyday and Draco was her punching bag. Last night, even when he threatened to leave, he saw through her cold demenor and comforted her despite everything else. And it had felt so good to lay everything out on the table, to have him hold her. And here she was acting the same way she was the night before. She took a deep breath. In out. In out. She had to get through this, had to work through and fight it.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

She walked passed Draco, ignoring that he was following her to the bathroom. He closed the door and tentatively walked up behind her, his hands reaching for her waist. Hermione grabbed his hands and pushed them away from her and turned to face him instead, her eyes looking over his handsome face and remembering all he had done for her. He looked so sick right now, so woundned, just like how he looked before they had mated. She was taking a toll on him and if this were normal circumstances she would hsve broke it off and told him to go. But they were far from normal. She needed him as sure as she needed air and maybe, just maybe, if she touched him it would go away. By the time she reconnected with his eyes he was getting ready to turn away from her. Her hand snatched out and grabbed his arms, the familiar electric current replacing her anger. Draco looked at her and she smiled at him slightly.

"I would like to kiss you now."

"Not yet. I would like to take my bath if you don't mind."

Draco looked her dead in the eyes before lowering his hand to the hem of her tanktop and slowly lifting the fabric up abover her head. As his fingers grazed her torso he felt her shiver against him, he hooked his thumbs on her silky pajama pants and underwear, pulling them down her smooth skin and landing in a pool of cloth on the floor. Hermione stepped away from the clothes looking almost shyly at him. It had been a while since he had seen her competely naked, she had always been turned away from him when she changed or avoided changing witih him in the room; and for some strange reason to her it felt foreign and she was nervous. She turned around and stepped into the tub, it really was a massive tub and she found herself smiling as she recalled almost drowning the first time she had ever taken a bath in Draco's tub at the Manor.

She looked up with Draco shyly, "This bath is very comfortable and there is a high probablity that I could fall asleep, which would lead me to drowning. I would feel much safer if you would join me."

Draco felt a smile split his face, he grabbed a towel and placed it next to hers before undressing himself and bringing himself into the tub, leaning against the cool back of it. "I wouldn't want that." He eyes Hermione at one end of the tub, her knees pulled into her chest and her chin resting on them as she stared at him; the tips of her hair floating on top of the water. She was radiant. "Can we talk?"

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Last night. How are you feeling?"

"Awful. " She lifted up her wet hands to rub her face, as if to wash away the memory of all the tears she shed.

"Anything else?"

"Angry I suppose."

"Why?"

"Cause you wont stop talking about it." She said with a little smile. " Because I couldn't keep living in my little world."

"You're world was destructive."

"It felt safe." She sighed. "It was where I belonged, I just didn't know when to leave or if I wanted to for that matter."

"You were hurting everyone around you Hermione."

"I know. Last night could have ruined everything we fought for, everything we earned from living through a war. I think I have recovered from it some what. I realize that they are dead and that I will not be getting them back," Her eyes welled up with tears. "I took it harder than some people but its not just that; losing them wasn't the only thing that made me how I was."

"Then what else is going on in that brilliant head of yours?" He asked, reaching for one of her hands and surprised when she didn't pull away from him.

"Its everything else. The trauma, the running, the fear. It had been piling up for years while Harry, Ron and I waited for the war to happen we had spent every year of our childhood preparing and fighting the smaller wars within the school. I miss my parents. If I could figure out how to reverse the spell they would hate me for it and theres no telling what damage it could do. The guilt of being asleep while all those things happend at the end, I couldn't be there for anyone in their time of pain and I couldn't process the time I had lost. Everything that has been going on recently with your father. And the torture. It haunts me every night. I will never be able to forget Bellatrix or Amycus. None of them. It just all seems like too much."

Draco adjusted themselves so she was leaning against his chest while he rubbed soothing circles on her hipbone. "This is a start you know."

"I know, I promise I will try harder. I'll be honest about what's going on inside my head."

"And in return I promise that I will be there for you, every nightmare and tear you have I will be right by your side. I will never leave."

"That's just your Veela talking." She sighed, in a joking matter.

Draco lifted her head so she would look at him. "That is me talking."