Kyle had a terrible weekend.

In the unnerving aftermath of his and Cartman's... whatever the hell it was... Kyle put the Universum back in its box, shoved it in a drawer, and ignored the boner in his pants. If only shutting off the memory of that fucked-up kiss was as simple. Kyle didn't sleep that night, and in his sleep-deprived delirium the memory only grew more feverish, making him sweat, and gag, and want to cry. How had he managed to ruin this so spectacularly? What was it about Cartman - even virtually, masked by an avatar - that drew out this reckless, irrational side to him?

On Monday, Kyle was determined to be normal, to pretend that this had never happened. But his mouth clamped shut when he saw Cartman, and even looking at him seemed as unflinching a decision as staring directly into the sun. Cartman, however, ignored him completely, which was even more irritating than Cartman actually talking to him. Kyle was bored without the bickering, and watching Cartman try to emulate said bickering with their friends felt more pitiful than spiteful. Kyle cringed when the thought murmured in his mind, but he knew that Butters and his sunny disposition, and Stan and Kenny with their zero tolerance for Cartman's crap, had nothing on him. Cartman knew too, when they caught each other's glances at the same time, and reflected each other's disdain and dissatisfaction.

So Kyle was both relieved and terrified when Cartman text him during his free period, telling him to meet him under the bleachers. When Kyle thought of him and Cartman actually talking again today, he imagined a taunting comment being made in the cafeteria, or a heated debate being sparked in class. He imagined people being around them. The fact that they were going to finally talk, on their own in a private place meant that Cartman possibly wanted to discuss what happened during the game. Kyle wasn't ready for that. Surely he should've been the one to address this first, right? He was annoyed that Cartman had beaten him to it, but there was no way he was going to back down.

He kept that in mind as he marched over to the bleachers, where Cartman was waiting for him. Cartman had noticed him already, and it was the longest they had maintained eye contact all day.

"What do you want?" Kyle asked, stepping into the shadows.

Cartman smiled. The mean, delighted smile he always sported when Kyle was pissed off.

"You're very chipper today..."

"Seriously, Cartman, I can't deal with your shit right now," Kyle replied, voice taut and low. It was a half-truth. "Just tell me what you want."

Cartman scowled, his nostrils flared.

"This is fucking hard for me too, Kyle!" he snapped. "You're not the only one who's been thinking about it, alright?"

Kyle flinched, gulped. His face instantly flared.

"I... I-I-I haven't been thinking about it."

Cartman scoffed.

"Come on! I know you. Obviously you've been thinking about it..."

"Well, what good does fucking thinking do? Or talking about it! It doesn't change the fact it happened! You asked me to come out here... for what?"

"I don't know!" Cartman cried, throwing his hands up. His voice was scratchy. "So maybe you could yell at me, and get angry at me, and be Kyle! You've been all weird, and quiet-"

"So you brought me out here just to piss me off? To get a reaction out of me?" As his voice rose, sharp, and clear, and strong, Kyle felt like something was returning to him. There was a warmth in his core again, filling up his chest and it was familiar rather than frightening. "Jesus Christ, Cartman, are you really that fucking desperate for attention? You know what..." he stopped, shaking his head when he realised he was giving Cartman exactly what he wanted. "I'm not even gonna..."

Kyle huffed, walking away without another word. He wasn't ready yet.

"Hey!"

He didn't look back.

"Hey! What the hell is your problem?" Cartman called again. "Kyle!"

He took a deep, calming breath through his nose, teeth gritted as he fought the urge to turn around.

"Fine! Walk away, you little pussy! Got the balls to kiss me, but you can't-"

Cartman paused mid-sentence when Kyle turned around to glare at him. Now that he couldn't let slide. His whole body prickled with fear, and it must have been some angry adrenaline that sent him stomping back over to Cartman. He was undeterred by Kyle's rage, still grinning and pleased with himself.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, asshole? You kissed me!"

Cartman blinked, and his eyebrows twitched. Kyle swore he saw the confidence dim on his face a little. Still, he shrugged as if he could care less about Kyle's accusation even though it was undoubtedly true.

"Yeah?"

Kyle huffed, incredulous. His eyes grew wider.

"Why?"

Cartman's smile was wobbling, and he was avoiding looking at Kyle directly.

"Because I wanted to," he replied, and Kyle knew Cartman had wanted it to sound cool and evasive, but it just sounded really fucking dumb. The results were the same however, extremely infuriating.

Kyle sighed, long and heavy.

"God, how hasn't anybody killed you yet?" he asked, rubbing an exasperated hand over his face.

"What more do you want from me? It was that fucking simple, and I can't explain it any other way. It just happened-"

"No, it didn't just happen, Cartman," Kyle cut in. There was no way he would feel sorry for him. "Every decision you make, no matter how selfish, or insane, or totally fucking stupid, is one you come to yourself. And no matter how ridiculous the reasoning, that's not an excuse for having no control over your actions-"

"Why did you kiss me back?"

"Huh?"

Kyle's jaw quivered. It wasn't as though he was unfamiliar with Cartman interrupting him, but this jarring question was the one Kyle had been dreading answering.

"Sorry, it's just your little lecture got me thinking," Cartman replied, arrogant as ever. "Why did you kiss me back?"

Kyle's heart was racing, just like it had all Saturday night, when he was lying awake asking himself the same question over and over.

"I don't know! Because I..."

Wanted to. I actually wanted to kiss you back.

Kyle didn't say that out loud. He couldn't bring himself to. Cartman was smirking at him, knowing and calculating, as if the answer was written across his face.

"Fuck you. This isn't funny."

"It is a little funny."

"No, it's not!" Kyle cried.

Cartman dropped the smirk, stepping closer.

"You wanted to kiss me too, didn't you?" he asked, in a way that made Kyle feel he wasn't going to rip on his answer.

"Well, not... you'd already... Kyle sighed, fighting with the truth. "Just in that one instance..." He looked to the ground. "Yeah, I did."

In the silence, Kyle wished Cartman would rip on him for just admitting what he did. At least that would be normal, at least that would be something Kyle could work with. This was crushing, just echoing back all of Kyle's paranoid thoughts, and confusing feelings, and not offering any solution. There was only one thing that seemed able to break this impasse, no matter how crazy or terrifying it was.

"We should kiss now..."

"Huh?"

Kyle was still looking at the ground when he made his suggestion. He looked up.

"We should kiss now. See if we feel anything, if it's..." he rolled his eyes, his leg jittering. "If it feels like it did in the game."

Cartman didn't say anything, still processing Kyle's proposal. He tried to smile.

"Dude, Kyle, I know it's hard going through a break-up and all, but I should not be your rebound-"

"Just fucking kiss me!" Kyle snapped.

Cartman opened his mouth to retort, but instead sighed.

"Fine..."

Kyle's heart was sprinting now, not expecting Cartman's acquiescence and now he was totally unprepared that this was happening. He didn't move, couldn't move. Cartman instead stepped closer, and Kyle fidgeted at this new proximity. There was a little dent in Cartman's brow, and Kyle had no idea what the hell was taking so long for their lips to meet. But he realised that Cartman's hands were hovering in the air, and his eyes kept flicking back and forth between Kyle's torso and his face. It made him wonder how much kissing experience Cartman actually had. He had only ever dated Heidi, after all.

"Where should I put my-"

"I don't care," Kyle grumbled. His arms were folded across his chest. He had no intention of touching him.

Finally, Cartman settled on placing his hands on Kyle's shoulders. They were firm and stiff, and his touch made Kyle jolt. At least they were warm... but still Kyle was shivering. When Cartman pressed his lips to his, they felt just as stiff and firm as his hands. Kyle tensed, face scrunching up and as the seconds fell away the grip Cartman had on his shoulders tightened. Their lips didn't part, not wanting their tongues in each other's mouths. Kyle could feel his cheeks grow hot with embarrassment, and he cringed away.

Cartman released him, and they didn't look at each other for a while. Kyle was still clutching himself, and out of the corner of his eye he noticed Cartman wiping his mouth. Not out of disgust, because even if the kiss wasn't exactly good, it wasn't awful either. It was just... wrong, and Kyle didn't blame him for wanting to erase the feeling of it.

"Well?" Cartman asked.

Kyle shook his head.

"Nothing..."

"Me neither," Cartman replied, deflated.

Honestly, so was Kyle. He went into this experiment to prove that the kiss in the game was just a fluke, an isolated incident. It was a relief, he supposed, to discover that was true. But he had to kiss Cartman in real life to find that out, so maybe it wasn't such a triumphant victory.

"So it's just a game thing..."

He felt like it should be spoken between them. If anything, he hoped it would make them both feel better.

"Yeah..." Cartman nodded. He was still having trouble looking at Kyle. "Just a game thing..."

Later that evening, Kyle felt a more resounding, even more depressing sense of déjà vu as he found himself sprawled out on his bed, playing video games again. Whatever free evenings he had during the week were usually spent with Heidi, and without her he had more time to himself - i.e. more time alone with his thoughts. The Universum remained locked away, not coming out of its box until he could learn to use it responsibly.

Following their underwhelming kiss, he and Cartman returned to their usual routine. Kyle was thankful for that, even if they annoyed the hell out of each other, and wished each other away sometimes, he had to recognise that Cartman played some strange, bothersome role in his life that made him - as Cartman so eloquently put it - Kyle. He was glad to return to that person again. Kyle was preoccupied with change - in himself, in his little town, in the world around him, but the older he got the more he appreciated a certain status quo. Ironically, the kiss he never thought would happen seemed to rebalance all of that, and even if a part of him was still deflated, still lost, and miserable, at least he had salvaged that.

CARTMANBRAH is online.

His hands stiffened when he saw the message appear on the screen. He knew what was coming.

CARTMANBRAH invites you to play 'NYC Vice'.

Still, seeing it made his stomach leap into his throat. His palms were sweaty all of a sudden, and he was pissed off at Cartman for not being able to leave anything alone, for pushing, for not accepting the truce sealed with a kiss. He had to provoke Kyle, and aggravate him, and... tempt him. Kyle tried to swallow but there was a boulder in his throat. But he could still weigh up the options in his mind. If he declined, everything carried on as normal. There would be no risks to take, no more mortifying, charged encounters, and no more sleepless nights. If he accepted, there was a very real chance that the game, and its exhilarating possibilities would get the better of them. There was a very real chance their panting, enlivened bodies would be close again. There was a very real chance they would touch, and kiss, and...

Kyle blinked, skin prickling and heart pounding. His hands were shaking as he accepted Cartman's invitation, and it was so easy not to think as he was brought to the PVP screen once again, to choose Paul, to reach over into his drawer and place the Universum on his temple.

He wasn't in the alley this time. It was daytime, and he was in a large, airy warehouse surrounded by jagged-edged sports cars. Cartman was in front of him, all blond hair, and wicked smile, and hourglass curves, and suggestive outfit, and it was alarming how turned on Kyle was just by the sight of 'Amber.'

"Seriously?" Kyle asked, chuckling, as if it could dampen his arousal. "You chose her again?"

"Yeah? She's badass!" Cartman lowered his chin, adopting his usual, squared-off stance with fists raised. He smiled. "You ready?"

Kyle nodded before he could stop it, with a grin of his own. He mirrored Cartman's stance, and they hovered towards each other like boxers in the ring. As they closed the gap between them, the wider their smiles grew. Their breaths seemed to catch, lush and sweet like they could flick their tongues out and taste the thick tension in the air. Kyle's body was drawn tight, like a cat with hackles raised, ready to flinch, or block, or attack in response to whatever move Cartman threw at him. But when they were right in front of each other, Cartman unclenched his fists and with a short, frustrated huff, grabbed Kyle's face and smashed their lips together.

Cartman wasted no time shoving his tongue in Kyle's mouth, drawing Kyle closer until his hair was in his face and their chests were heaving together, and he was blurry in Kyle's eyes. Kyle did tense initially, eyes widening and shoulders drawing back before he flexed into the kiss, eyes drifting shut and body sighing. He tilted his head and found Cartman's waist to pull him closer. Their tongues met, no longer curious or reluctant, but eager, and hot, and not giving a fuck whose mouth they were trying to invade.

Their lips soon separated with a wet, loud smack. Cartman's mouth was flush from the pressure, from Kyle's coarse beard rubbing against his skin, magenta from his smeared lipstick. Kyle imagined his lips stinging and tingling like his own. He kissed Cartman's neck with little pecks, and earnest, sloppy sucks, and tiny nips, and he felt the tremors of gasps and whimpers against his mouth. Cartman was clinging onto his shoulders, digging his manicured nails in, and Kyle seethed when those nails buried themselves deeper into his flesh - but then again, he had just grabbed Cartman's ass and squeezed. They were both panting, chests rising and falling with heaving breaths.

"Come on..." Cartman murmured, pulling Kyle over to a bright, yellow Lamborghini.

He perched himself on the hood, a thin strap to his shimmery vest sliding down his shoulder, panting, and slack-jawed and looking up at Kyle with expectant eyes. He reached out, pulling at the hem of Kyle's own wife-beater vest. He lifted his arms so Cartman could pull it over his head, and they both seemed to be staring in wonder at the tattooed, ripped body beneath the material. A part of Kyle wanted to laugh at how ridiculous it was that he now owned this body, or rather, had it on loan until he returned to reality. But he was shoving thoughts of reality out of his mind right now. There were more pressing matters to attend to, like taking Cartman's shirt off. He raised his arms compliantly, and they both reached up to brush his hair out of his face. Kyle lowered his head to kiss him again, cradling his jaw. Cartman tilted his head and keened to Kyle's lips. His hand found his shoulder once more, stroking and then squeezing a bicep.

Kyle lowered Cartman on to the hood, and the car made a loud, groaning noise of displeasure when Kyle climbed on top of him, fusing their lips together with hard, desperate kisses. Smaller, muffled squeaks could be heard beneath them as they writhed. Kyle was grinding his hips and picking up his tempo. Cartman's skirt had hitched right up, and the growing bulge in Kyle's pants was rubbing against Cartman's sweat-slicked thighs, the centre of which seemed to be getting hotter and slipperier by the second. When Kyle noticed that, it was alarming at first. But common sense and inhibition were melting away and all that was left was a frustrating desire to fucking do something. But it was pretty difficult when Cartman's hands at his back were sending delightful shivers to trickle down his spine, and he was doing a great fucking job of sucking his tongue. They parted with a wet, undignified pop and a little grumble at the back of Kyle's throat. Cartman's face was flushed pink, too breathless to enquire why they had stopped. The only noise he could make was a whimper followed by a long, gentle sigh when Kyle kissed his neck again, his beard rubbing against Cartman's burning cheek when his mouth wandered further north to a earlobe he nipped and took between his lips.

He moved down, marking Cartman's throat, collarbone, cleavage, sternum with little kisses. He used to do that to Heidi, and she used to giggle. Cartman didn't giggle, he just continued to pant. He didn't writhe either, his body was still except for the rise and fall of his chest and it was almost as if Kyle could chart the anticipation/anxiety between his lips. Because even if everything inside him was telling him to roll with this, this was still daunting, and completely unprecedented.

Everything felt a lot more humid when he was in between Cartman's legs, and he parted them instinctively. Kyle hoped that was a sign he was starting to relax. There was already a wet patch on the pink thong he was wearing. Kyle pulled the underwear off Cartman's hips, though had to wrestle them over his stupid boots so they wouldn't obstruct what he was about to do next - although he hadn't quite decided what that was. At least the clumsy removal broke the tension with quiet chuckles, and humming laughter. It faded away soon enough, when Kyle's nerves were starting to overrun his impulse.

"So... um..." he was still trying to catch his breath. "What do you wanna do?"

He hoped not to talk much throughout this whole encounter, but told himself it had to be done.

"Huh?"

Kyle clenched his jaw, his face burned as he tried to muster up the balls to repeat himself.

"What do you want me to do to you?" he asked, even quieter.

Cartman blinked, as if he were pricked by reality for a second. But his reluctance soon drained away. He rolled his eyes, his head flopping back to rest on the windshield. His hair was fanned out behind him.

"I don't care..." he replied, in an impatient exhale.

Kyle rolled his eyes too. It was a non-answer, but one that made him feel marginally better. He placed his head between Cartman's legs again, and thought to when he was first in this position with Heidi. His knowledge of girls and their anatomy before he actually had a girlfriend was limited to porn and Kenny's sexual wisdom (not forgetting Chef's inappropriate ballads), but he knew that there was a place you should always pay attention to-

"Aah-aaah!" Cartman cried, his body tensing when Kyle pressed and rubbed his tongue against his clit.

Kyle couldn't help but smile as his tongue took alternate swipes over Cartman's labia. The cry, and resounding high, quick gasps were at an almost surprised octave, like Cartman had never known he could feel like this.

"Did that feel good?" Kyle asked, before tonguing at Cartman's clit again.

It made Cartman fidget, a longer moan leaving his mouth followed by more staccato pants, they were more subdued but sounded just as sweet. Kyle looked up, and managed to catch a glimpse of Cartman's face. His eyes were squeezed shut, face contorted with pleasure and his mouth agape.

"Yeah, just... just keep going..." he panted. "Please..."

Kyle obeyed, starting with little kisses, and teasing flicks of his tongue over the sensitive bundle of nerves, and his slick, balmy opening. Cartman would groan and buck, shuddering beneath Kyle's mouth before he would retreat. He was unused to teasing. When he was with Heidi, all he ever wanted was to make her feel good, make her cum to compensate for his lack of presence that apparently no earnest attempt at orgasms could cover up. He wanted to make Cartman feel good too, because he revelled in it so well that Kyle's cock was straining against his jeans at his moans, whimpers, whines, his whispered expletives, and the taste that was smeared all over his mouth. But he wanted to make Cartman chase it, to beg, and pant for it, because although this was a very different game they were playing Kyle was still competitive... and if Cartman came too soon, if the wonderful crescendo arrived prematurely, then all this gorgeous, sumptuous build-up would be over, without Kyle having savoured it to its full potential.

Still, Kyle wasn't totally cruel. The rhythm changed, hastened, and Kyle paid more attention to Cartman's clit whilst fingering him at a steady, galloping pace. Cartman's breaths were strained with groans and whimpers, his whole body tightening around Kyle's fingers. Kyle knew he was close.

"Aaah! Aaah, f-f-fuck! Shit!" Cartman cried, his body arched but he hadn't cum yet. He sighed, but his body was still jerking and writhing with pent-up release. "Oh! Oh God... fuck me..."

Kyle slowed down, coming to a complete stop when he looked up at Cartman. He had whispered his request, and didn't know if he had misheard. Cartman blinked his eyes open, dark, hazy, but unflinching.

"Uh... are you sure?" Kyle asked.

Cartman nodded, with no mirth. He was serious and impatient, and so was Kyle. He wasted no time in unzipping his pants and pulling down his underwear. There was an awkward cacophony of metal on metal, the buckle of his belt hitting the hood of the car, and tiny huffs as Kyle got into position. He was face-to-face with Cartman again, and he noticed that he was preoccupied with staring at his cock. Cartman's expression was hard to read, and it concerned Kyle a little. He hoisted Cartman's legs up a bit more, and spread them wider to a position he hoped would be more comfortable.

"Are you sure you're ready?"

Cartman flicked his gaze up to look at Kyle now. He rolled his eyes again, as if he didn't understand what Kyle's problem was.

"Yes! I, I think so..." he replied, grabbing a handful of Kyle's gelled hair and tugging. "Just fuck me already!"

Kyle nodded, and chose not to look at Cartman as he pushed his cock inside him. He instead peppered his neck with kisses, and felt Cartman's body sigh beneath him as he did so. Those talon-like nails clawed and pinched his skin the deeper he went, and Cartman was gasping and moaning in that startled octave again.

"It's okay..." Kyle murmured with a clumsy, open-mouthed kiss. "It's okay..."

Cartman nodded, and Kyle felt another rise and fall of his chest beneath his own. His head lolled back a little more, and Kyle began with slow, gentle thrusts. His breath was hot against Cartman's neck as he panted, and Cartman whimpered with every thrust. But his groans were starting to sound like discontentment, and he felt fingers grasping his hair, and nails digging into his scalp once more. With a huff, Cartman brought their lips together, noses smushing and faces squished together in a hard, desperate kiss that made Kyle's mouth feel hot and numb. He shifted slightly, not needing Cartman's encouragement to start fucking him harder and faster.

Kyle dug his fingers into Cartman's quivering thighs, but they were no match for the nails piercing his skin hard enough to draw blood. Their trembling, fidgety bodies moved in time with each other, lips parted and sharing sultry, tumbling breaths. Kyle was close now too, mouth slipping away from Cartman's lips to moan, and pant, and whisper nonsense against his jaw, nose pressed against his cheek. One of his hands had moved from Cartman's thigh to the windshield. It skidded, making a squeaking, smudging sound as it did so and trapping some of Cartman's hair beneath his palm. Cartman didn't care, moaning and sobbing.

He came with a long, loud cry, sounding more surprised than ever. Kyle moaned at the noise, the wet, shuddering convulsions, smiling against hot, sweaty skin. He soon followed Cartman with an expletive-ridden shout that stole his breath. Cartman's body seized, seemed to melt to a puddle beneath Kyle as he rode out his orgasm with lazy thrusts. Kyle tried to open his eyes, but his lids were constantly drooping, and in his ecstasy it was hard to get a grasp on even a perfect, vivid virtual world.

Cartman's fingers in his hair attempted to bring him back to virtual Earth, crunching with product and soaked with sweat. He didn't tug or pull, simply stroked. No talking, they just breathed together, laboured and spent.

"Damn..." Cartman suddenly said. "Heidi's such a dumb bitch..."

Kyle shook his head, nuzzling Cartman's jaw inadvertently.

"Don't talk about her..."

"I'm just saying, if that's how you used to fuck her then she really messed up..."

Kyle smiled, chuckled despite himself. He sat up, peeling himself away from Cartman and getting up off the car. He pulled up his pants, and it perhaps signalled to Cartman that he should get dressed too. He fixed his bra and skirt, and sat up so he could pull his panties on. Kyle spotted his vest on the floor.

"Here..." he said, handing it to him.

Cartman plucked it from his grasp, lips pressed tightly together.

"Um... Kyle? I can call you that in here, right?"

"I... I guess," Kyle replied, slipping his own vest on. It felt weird to call each other by anything else, but his stomach twisted when he imagined Cartman calling him by his name during sex. That would just be mortifying. "Maybe not when we're..."

"So we are gonna do it again?"

Kyle froze. He hadn't realised how matter-of-fact he sounded, so sure that it was a given they would do this again. Maybe he was still floating down from his high. It was inconceivable to stop now, to give this up... shit, could this become addictive? Like any other burgeoning addict, Kyle would never admit it out loud.

"I don't know," he replied, testily. "Do we have to decide anything right now?"

Cartman shrugged, his eyes wandered the floor.

"I'm just saying..." he looked up at Kyle with a small, goading smile. "I'm okay with it, if you are..."

Kyle blinked. His bluff called with that single admission.

"Really?"

Cartman nodded, smile broadening.

"Then... I mean..." Kyle sighed, quit searching for some clever answer. "Of course I'd wanna do it again...

Cartman's delighted smile was infectious.

"I knew you wouldn't wanna stop," he teased, as Kyle drew closer to him. "Pretty fucking incredible, right?"

Kyle nodded, taste still on his tongue, moans still ringing in his ears.

Cartman grinned.

"Even better than-"

Kyle interrupted him with a kiss. His chin was placed between Kyle's thumb and index finger. When Kyle pulled away, he did so with Cartman's bottom lip caught between his teeth.

"Don't talk about her..."

Cartman nodded, eyes lidded and hypnotised. They kissed again, lips parting and tongues meeting.

"What happens now?" Kyle asked. He couldn't believe he was asking Eric Cartman of all people how to behave like a normal human being, but they had to establish some boundaries. "In the real world?"

Cartman shrugged, flippant.

"Nothing. It's just a game thing, right?"

Kyle nodded, as if to convince himself this didn't matter.

"Right. It doesn't change... us..."

He cringed at the last word, and all its unified, fond connotations, the implication that his and Cartman's relationship was something to be treasured, considered worthy of preservation. It didn't mean he wanted to alienate himself from Cartman though, or for a dynamic that had been a part of him his whole life to suddenly disappear.

"Totally..." Cartman replied, beaming, eager as always to have his cake and eat it too.

And Kyle kissed him because in here, he appreciated that philosophy, because in here he could, and he wanted to.

"Nothing changes, okay?" he murmured into his mouth. It was a plea and a vow, all in one.

Cartman nodded, and sealed it with a kiss.

A/N: How was that? I'd love to know your thoughts, and I hope you enjoyed! As always, thank you for reading!