Chapter 12
Saturday December 22
Logan wakes up around nine that morning. He dresses in sweatpants and a t-shirt then goes down to the kitchen and living room. As he is walking into the living room, Dick is walking out.
"Morning Logan," Dick says. "I'm going to work out. Wanna join me?"
"Hey Dick," Logan replies. "I'm gonna eat something first. I'll work out later."
"Okay. See you later." Dick continues on his way to work out while Logan goes into the living room. He sees Raven sitting on the couch as he walks to the kitchen.
"Morning Raven," Logan says. Raven jumps and turns toward the kitchen.
"Morning," Raven says then turns back around.
"You already eat?" Logan asks, grabbing a bowl and spoon.
"No. I'm not hungry."
Logan pours cereal into his bowl. "Have you already had your tea? I can make it for you."
"I already made it." Logan puts the milk away after pouring some into his bowl of cereal. He starts eating his breakfast.
"How are you feeling today?"
"Fine."
"Come on Rae. It's just us in here. You can talk to me."
"It's Raven, not Rae. And I don't want to talk about it. I'm fine."
Logan sighs and finishes his cereal. He puts his bowl and spoon in the sink. He goes over to the couch and sits next to Raven. Raven is reading a book. "Raven? Look at me please." Raven lowers her book and looks at Logan. "I know you just want to forget what happened. I know you don't want to talk about it. But I care about you and I don't want you to deal with this alone. Last time this happened, you shut yourself in your room for a week. I don't want you to do that again. I know you don't want the others to know what happened but I already know. You don't have to hide it from me. I told you before: you're not alone Raven."
"I told you what happened last night."
"And I want to know how you are today."
Raven sighs and closes her book. "I'm tired and sore. And a massage would not help."
"Did you not sleep well last night?"
"You could say that."
"Something keep you up?"
"Yes."
"Nightmares?" Raven doesn't say anything. "Were the nightmares reliving what happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Talking can help."
"Not right now. Maybe another time Logan, but I just can't today."
"Okay. I'm sorry if I pushed too much. Do you want me to tell you what I do when I have nightmares?"
"Sure."
"I do something to take my mind off of it. I do something that clears my mind and don't think about it."
"What do you do?"
"I'll do one of my hobbies."
"Video games? Watching TV or movies?"
"No. One of my hobbies that no one knows about."
"How many of those do you have?"
"A few."
"So I should do one of my hobbies when I have nightmares?"
"That depends. Your hobbies are meditation and yoga right?"
"Yes."
"Do you think when you do that?"
"Sometimes."
"If you can do it without thinking then yes, do it. If you think while doing either one then don't do it."
"What are your hobbies that you do?"
"I'll tell you only one right now. I draw."
"What do you draw?"
"People and landscapes mostly. Whatever I feel like though."
"Can I see your drawings?"
Logan hesitates. "Maybe another time."
"Why not now?"
"I've never shown anyone my sketches. I don't know if I'm comfortable showing you yet."
"After all we've talked about, you're not comfortable with me?"
"I'm comfortable with you Raven. And I probably trust you the most out of anyone. It's just that I don't know if my sketches are good enough to show."
"Will you show me sometime?"
Logan smiles at her. "I'll try."
"So I still don't know how to make the nightmares stop."
"I don't really know how to make them stop. Time helps. Talking helps. My hobbies when nightmares wake me up help. But nothing completely stops them. They may go away for a while but they still come back at times. The only thing that has ever kept them away was when I was young and would sleep with my parents, either in their bed or just in their room. Those were times when I felt completely safe because I knew my parents would protect me. I felt safe and calm and relaxed, like nothing bad could happen. I have only felt that calm and relaxed one time since their death."
"When was that?" Logan looks away and doesn't say anything. When he does speak, it is very quiet and Raven has to lean in to hear him.
"When we slept together."
Raven looks shocked. "What?"
Logan still doesn't look at her as he talks. "The night of the dance when we came back here and watched a couple movies. You fell asleep on me during the movie so we slept together that night on the couch. You made me feel calm and relaxed in my arms. You looked so peaceful sleeping there."
Raven blushes. "Why didn't you move from under me or wake me up?"
"I didn't want to wake you. You looked really relaxed." And I liked you sleeping in my arms, he adds mentally.
"It couldn't have been comfortable for you."
"I was comfortable. And you made me feel how I used to with my parents. I liked it too much to let you go."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did I make you feel like that?" The doors to the living room open, stopping Logan from answering. Vic and Bee walk into the kitchen. They see Logan and Raven on the couch.
"Hey guys," Bee says.
"Hey Bee," Logan says. "Hey Vic."
"Morning," Raven says.
"Morning you two," Vic says. "I'm making breakfast. You two want some?"
"I already ate," Logan says.
"Not hungry," Raven says.
"More for me then," Vic says. He and Bee start working in the kitchen.
"Do you want to watch a movie?" Logan asks Raven.
"You haven't answered my question," Raven says.
"I'm not answering it where we can be overheard."
"Let's go somewhere else then."
"Maybe later. I don't want to talk about it right now."
Raven is quiet for a little bit then speaks. "Alright. I'll respect that."
"So do you want to watch a movie?"
"I'd rather just read."
"Do you mind if I watch TV then?"
"Go ahead. Just please keep the volume down."
"You got it Rae." Logan turns on the TV and Raven picks up her book and starts reading. Logan flips through several channels then settles on a movie playing on TV. After about 30 minutes, Raven is struggling to concentrate on her book because of her lack of sleep. She closes her book and puts it on the coffee table. She curls her legs up under her and leans her head against the back of the couch. She closes her eyes and after a few minutes, Logan feel a weight on his shoulder. He turns his head and sees Raven's head on his shoulder. He shifts his arm slightly to be more comfortable and Raven opens her eyes. She sees that she is leaning against Logan and sits up.
"Sorry," Raven says.
"It's okay," Logan says. "I know you're tired. Why don't you lie down on the couch and use my leg as a pillow? You would be more comfortable."
"I'm fine."
"Stop lying Raven. Please. We both know that you are tired. Just lay down and sleep."
"I can just go to my room to sleep. I don't need to lay on you."
"No offense Rae, but if you couldn't sleep well in your room last night, how are you going to sleep in there now?"
"Why do you think I'll be able to sleep out here if I can't in my room?"
"Reasons previously stated." Raven pauses as she tries to think of these reasons.
"The safe, calm, and relaxed feeling you talked about?"
"Yes."
"Why do you think I'll feel like that?"
"Are you saying you didn't feel like that when we slept together?"
"I'm not confirming nor denying it."
Logan sighs. "Sleep where you want. I just think you'll sleep better out here." Logan goes back to watching TV. After a few moments, Raven lays down and puts her head on Logan's thigh. She falls asleep quickly. A few minutes later, Vic and Bee walk over after cleaning up the kitchen.
"Whatcha watchin' Logan?" Vic asks in his loud voice.
"Keep it down," Logan says softly. "Raven's sleeping." Vic and Bee notice that Raven is laying on Logan.
"Why is she laying on you?" Bee asks.
"She didn't sleep well last night so she's trying to catch up on that sleep now," Logan says.
"But why sleep on you instead of going to her room?"
"Maybe she was too tired to go to her room."
"Are you two dating?" Vic asks.
"No, we're not," Logan says. "How many times do I need to tell you this?"
"This is the second time she's been sleeping on you. At least that we've seen."
"It's only the second time ever. Both times she fell asleep and I was next to her."
"Do you want to date her?"
"I've answered that before, Vic."
"And you didn't give a good answer."
"Just because it's not the answer you're looking for, doesn't mean it's not a good answer."
"What kind of answer is 'maybe'?"
"My answer. Now be quiet so you don't wake Raven." Vic grumbles but doesn't say anything. He and Bee sit on the couch and watch TV with Logan. When the movie ends, Vic and Bee get up and leave the room. Logan changes the channel until he finds something else to watch. He settles on a soccer match. He looks down at Raven and notices some of her hair has fallen over her face. He gently moves her hair from her face. She stirs slightly but stays asleep. Logan goes back to watching TV. An hour later, he feels Raven shift on his lap. He looks down and sees her open her eyes. She sits up and stretches slightly.
"Hey Rae," Logan says. "How'd you sleep?"
"It's Raven," she says, "and I slept fine."
"I'll take that as you slept really well but don't want to admit it."
"Whatever."
"Feel more rested now?"
"Yes."
Logan changes topics since Raven isn't saying much in her answers. "Have you finished your Christmas shopping yet?"
"Yes. I did that while I was suspended. Didn't have anything else to do."
"What'd you get me?"
Raven looks at him with a blank face. "I'm supposed to get you something?"
"Well I thought we were good enough friends to get each other presents," Logan says. "I'm sure you got Dick, Kori, Vic, and Bee something. Do I not fall into that category?"
"You are in a category all your own," Raven says.
"Is that a good thing?" Raven shrugs but has a slight smile on her face. Logan smiles back. "So does that mean you got me a present?"
"Yes I got you something."
"What is it?"
"You'll find out on Christmas."
"Aw come on Rae. Can't you at least give me a hint?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Ugh fine." Logan crosses his arms and pouts. Raven tries to hide a smile but Logan still sees it. "I'm glad you're happy with my misery." He uncrosses his arms and a small smile makes its way onto his face.
"You'll get over it."
"Do you want to help me finish my shopping? I don't know what to get Kori or Bee."
"I suppose. You would bug me until I said yes anyway."
Logan smiles sheepishly. "Yeah probably." They both go up to their rooms to change then they go down to the garage, get in Raven's car, and go to the store.
That night after everyone has gone to bed, Logan is sitting at his desk drawing. After drawing for about 30 minutes, he hears a scream. He puts down his pencil and rushes to Raven's room. He listens at her door and hears heavy breathing. He gently knocks on the door.
"Raven?" he calls. "Are you okay? Can I come in?" He doesn't hear anything for a little bit then hears her soft response.
"It's open," Raven quietly says. Logan opens the door and sees Raven sitting up on her bed. He walks over to her.
"You okay?" he asks.
She looks up at him. "I probably won't be able to sleep at all."
Logan sits on the bed near her. "What was you nightmare about?" Raven shakes her head. Logan takes one of her hands in both of his. "Please Raven? I want to help you." She looks at him then looks down.
"It was basically about what happened yesterday. Only you didn't come in and stop them." Logan's hands grip her hand tighter.
"I will always protect you as much as I can."
"I know that. That's why it was a nightmare. Because you didn't come in." They sit in silence for a bit, just holding each other's hands. After a while, Logan speaks.
"Well I guess I should go back to my room so we can both get some sleep," Logan says. He gets up to leave but Ravens keeps her hold on his hand.
"Actually Logan," Raven says, "could you maybe stay in here with me tonight? I'll probably keep having nightmares if you don't."
"Oh. Um…okay. Do you have an extra pillow and blanket? I'll sleep on the floor next to your bed."
"I don't want you to have to sleep on the floor. It's not comfortable."
"Well where else would I sleep?"
"You can sleep in my bed with me."
"Are you sure about that? Will you be comfortable with me in your bed with you?"
"Yes. I trust you."
Logan smiles at this. "So I've regained your trust?"
"Yes you have. If you lose it again, you will probably never get it back."
"It won't happen again. I promise."
"Don't make promises you can't keep."
"I always keep my promises Rae."
"Raven, not Rae."
"So are you really sure about us sharing your bed?"
"Would I suggest it if I wasn't?"
"Probably not."
"Then yes, I'm sure about it."
"Okay." Logan moves to the other side of the bed and lays down under the covers. Raven turns off her bedside lamp and lays down as well.
"Thank you Logan."
"Anything for you Rae."
"Good night."
"Night." They stay on opposite sides of the bed as they fall asleep. At some point during the night, they move toward the center of the bed and each other. They end up together with Raven's head and right hand on Logan's chest and Logan's right arm around Raven's waist. They both sleep through the night without having nightmares or waking up.