The three of them sat down at Marilynn's kitchen table, and proceeded to eat to their heart's content. Marilynn asked H.A about what he was doing in school, and what he and his dad's plans were for the summer. She was delighted that her grandson was willing to carry on a conversation with her, and she could tell he was trying his best to be upbeat. But her heart went out to him, knowing the pain of losing two people so close to him, and in such a short amount of time, must have taken its toll.
When dinner was over, H.A asked to be excused. "Do you mind if I go out to see the horses?" he asked.
"Not at all, darlin'!" she cooed lovingly. "In fact, you can give them their bucket of oats if you'd like. I've been so busy that I haven't gone out to give them their treat today, and they're probably sore at me for it!"
H.A. smiled and agreed to do it, and Tony and Marilynn watched him walk out the front door and head for the stables.
"Such a dear boy," she said fondly. "He's really coming up nicely, Tony. You should be proud."
"I am," Tony said, smiling lovingly at her. "He reminds me so much of me at that age, sometimes. But he's got Pepper's level headed-ness. So I never have to worry he's gonna do something stupid, or blow something up," he joked, chuckling. Marilynn chuckled along with him.
Tony watched out the window to see that H.A had disappeared into the barn, and then turned his attention back to his mother-in-law. "Dinner was fantastic," he said. "I've been looking forward to your cooking all week. And pot roast is one of my favorites on the menu at Casa de Potts, I have to say."
"I know, honey," Marilynn said. "That's why I made it."
Tony smiled and bowed his head in appreciation. "Well, thank you," he said humbly, smiling. "Here. Let me help with the dishes," he said, getting up out of his seat, as Marilynn began to stack their plates. He grabbed some of the other items on the table, and set them near the sink.
"Thank you kindly, Sir. Just set it all on the counter and we'll make quick work of it yet," she instructed. Tony did as he was told, bringing the rest of what was left on the table over to her. She began putting away the leftovers, though there wasn't much left after she'd fed her two hungry boys, and then she deposited the dishes into the sink filled with hot soapy water. Once the food had been stored in the fridge, she handed Tony a dish towel. "I'll wash, you dry?" she offered. He grinned and took the dish towel from her, tossing it to lay over his shoulder until it was needed. He folded his arms, and leaned against the counter as she began to wash the dishes, and rinse them. He took the first item from her, a blue glass bowl, whipping the towel back over his shoulder to dry it off.
"I always got assigned to the drying with Pepper, too," he mused, smiling fondly.
Marilynn smiled at his comment as she worked. "Just like her daddy and I," she said fondly. "She must have learned it from us. We always thought chores were more fun when we did them together."
Tony grinned. He finished drying the glass bowl and set it on the table. And then returned back to his post, sink side. Next, came a platter. He took it from her, and began drying it as well.
"So, tell me," Marilynn said, as they continued with her washing and him drying. "How is H.A. coping with everything that's happened?"
Tony shrugged. "He's alright, I guess," he said quietly. He flicked his eyes back out the window to the barn in thought and then back to her. "You probably noticed he's looking a little worn down. What with the dark circles under his eyes, and the pale skin and all."
"You both are looking a little worn down," she replied. "It's been so hard for you two, I'm sure. I know I think about my girls every day. I can't imagine what you're going through, dear. How are you getting along these days, darlin'?"
"Oh, you know," Tony said, shrugging again. "As best as can be expected, I suppose. Just like before, I have my good days, and I have my bad days. And by bad, I mean I start to think I'm losing my mind," he admitted.
"Oh, I know what you mean," Marilynn replied. "When Ginny's daddy died, I thought I'd never get back to my old self again. What do you do when someone has been in your life for so long? And then, poof! Just like that, they are up and gone one day?"
Tony nodded, understanding perfectly well what Marilynn was saying. He stayed quiet for several moments, pensive as he carefully dried the dishes Marilynn handed him. Finally, he spoke. "Can...can I ask you something?" he said cautiously.
Marilynn stopped to look at him. "Of course. Anything. You know that," she assured him.
Tony pursed his lips in thought for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. "When...Pepper's dad died, and you were still in the grieving process. Did you ever..." he said, struggling to word his question in a way that didn't make him sound like he was crazy.
Marilynn waited patiently for a moment, but then leaned toward him. "Did I ever what, dear?" she urged.
Tony chuckled softly, and shook his head. "I don't know how to word this without making myself sound crazy," he said. He took a deep breath, and then proceeded. "But, did...did he ever...appear to you?" he murmured with caution, watching her carefully.
Marilynn's stopped what she was doing, and turned to him, her eyes narrowed, trying to understand his meaning. "How so?" she asked softly.
Tony set down his towel on the counter, and turned to lean his back against it, bracing his upper body with the heels of his palms resting on the edge. "You remember me telling you about how Ginny hit her head on the deck of my friend's pool not long before she went into the hospital, don't you?" he asked.
"Of course," she replied. "You said that's what triggered the bleeding in her brain."
"Right," Tony said. He lowered his voice, trying to protect against the possibility of H.A coming back inside and hearing what he was saying, as he'd never told H.A about any of what he was about to tell Marilynn. "That night after the accident, when we got home, and the kids went to bed?" he began. "I decided to go for a walk on the beach. You know, to clear my head? And as I was walking, I saw a figure, in white light, coming toward me. So I stopped, and watched as it moved closer. Marilynn," he said. He looked intently into his mother-in-law's eyes. "The figure? It was Pepper."
Marilynn shook her head, and frowned. "How could that be, Tony? You must have been tired, or...or stressed out, or..." she stammered, struggling to find an explanation. "You probably thought you saw her, but it was just a figment of your imagination! It can happen when you've lost someone so close to you! You want so much to believe they're still here!" she reasoned."Believe me! There was a time when I thought I saw Cal standing on every busy street corner, or passing by me at the grocery store, or..."
Tony shook his head. "No. No, it wasn't just some hallucination, or wishful thinking, Marilynn. She came to me. She talked to me. She even..." Tony said, his voice breaking. "She even touched me," he whispered, his eyes pleading for her to believe him.
"She talked to you?" Marilynn said, her eyes wide with disbelief. "What on earth did she say?"
"She said 'save me', " he said. Marilynn looked at him with confusion. "I know. I know!" he said, chuckling at the idea of how bizarre he must have sounded to her. "What could that possibly mean, right?!" he exclaimed.
"And you said she touched you?" she asked.
Tony nodded. "As if she were alive and well, and standing right in front of me," he said. "She put her arms around me, and I could feel her..."
"No," Marilynn said, interrupting him. "This can't be real. It had to have been some kind of vivid dream, or...or..."
"I thought the same thing," he assured her. "Because as quickly as she came to me, she left again. Disappearing into thin air. And the next thing I knew, it was morning, and I woke up on the beach, right where I'd stopped the night before. So of course, I thought I'd some how fallen asleep out there, and it was all just a dream," he said. He searched her eyes for a moment. "But..." he said.
"But?" Marilynn parroted.
"It's happened twice since then," he said, his face void of any humor.
"Twice?" Marilynn said.
Tony nodded. "The second time, I was on the couch in the living room, keeping Ginny company while she rested. And that time Pepper appeared in front of me, in the same white light." He swallowed hard, bracing himself to reveal the most poignant detail of that meeting. "And pregnant," he said.
Marilynn gasped. "Good Lord," she said, bringing a hand to cover her mouth.
A saddened smile crossed Tony's lips. "My God, she..." he said, shaking his head, his eyes beginning to water with sorrowful tears. "She looked...so beautiful," he whispered.
"Oh, honey!" Marilynn whispered, her eyes sympathetic. "I can't imagine what that was like for you to see," she said, gently squeezing his shoulder to comfort him.
"Oh, I didn't just see that she was," he explained. "I could actually put my hands," he said, holding them up to his sides. "On her belly. It felt real. And it felt amazing," he admitted, unable to help his smile through his tears.
Marilynn's eyes now began to tear up, and she swiped at them sheepishly. She was speechless for a time, trying to comprehend what she was being told. "Tony," she said. "Do you think she was..." she said, stopping abruptly. "No, no, I can't ask that," she scolded herself.
"What?" Tony said.
Marilynn studied his face for a moment before she proceeded. "Well, I was just going to ask you if... and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but..."
"Marilynn, what is it?" he asked.
She took a deep breath, and exhaled, beginning again. "Do you think she could have...actually been...," she stammered, struggling to get the words out.
"What? Pregnant?" Tony said, and Marilynn quickly nodded in affirmation. Tony shrugged. "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about that," he said glumly. "I know Pepper would have told me if she knew she was. But there's always the possibility that maybe..." he said, stopping for a moment, knowing the next part would be hard for her to hear. "Maybe she didn't even know," he finished.
Marilynn, gasped, and then pursed her lips tightly. She brought a fist up to cover her mouth, and began shaking her head. She squeezed her eyes shut and Tony saw new tears escape and roll down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry," he said, pulling her into a hug. "I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about this any more. I know. It's tough," he said, feeling guilty for making her cry.
She pulled back to look at him, smiling sheepishly, as she swiped at the tears on her cheeks. "Oh, look at me! Carrying on like I am!" she said. Tony smiled in understanding. "You know we can't do this to ourselves, honey. What's done is done. And if she was expecting before she died, then that's all the more company she'll have in heaven," she said, resolutely.
"You believe that?" Tony asked, smiling at her fondly.
"I have to," Marilynn replied. "It's the only way to make peace with all of this tragedy. We may have lost our girls, darlin'. But wherever they are, at least I can imagine that they're together. "
Tony smiled and nodded, as two new tears escaped and rolled down each of his cheeks. He swiped at them, just in time to see H.A come back through the front door. Tony stepped back, and cleared his throat. Marilynn patted him on the shoulder as H.A appeared in the kitchen, looking at them curiously. Tony figured he must have noticed their tear stained faces, and reddened eyes.
"Hey, buddy," he said, trying to sound upbeat to redirect his son's attention. "How're the horses?"
"Fine, I guess," H.A said, shrugging. "You guys okay?"
"We're wonderful, sugar," Marilynn said to her grandson, smiling. "Did you give them their oats while you were out there?"
H.A nodded. "Yeah," he said to her. He flicked his eyes to his dad's face. "I...uh...I think I'm gonna go to bed, Dad, if that's alright. I'm kinda tired."
Tony gave the okay, and bid his son a good night. He watched as H.A. disappeared upstairs.
"And as for you," Marilynn said, turning back to her son-in-law. "What do you say to some home-made apple pie?" she said in a sing-song voice, trying to tempt him.
Tony smiled. "With ice cream?" he asked hopefully.
"Do you even need to ask?" she teased. They chuckled, and Marilynn went to work dishing up the pie and ice cream for the both of them.
XxXxXxXxXx
Upstairs, H.A had climbed into bed. But he hadn't gone to sleep. His head was pounding. It had begun out in the barn, and increased rather quickly. So much so, that his vision had started to blur and he'd hurried back to the house before it got so bad that he wouldn't have been able to keep it concealed from his dad and his grandmother. He focused on taking deep breaths, imagining the pain drifting away a little bit more with each exhale. And this soothed him somewhat, but he'd noticed it was taking longer and longer for it to subside with each new headache, even when he'd taken something for the pain. The over-the-counter stuff wasn't even touching it anymore. So a few days before they'd left home, he'd rummaged through the bathroom medicine cabinet, and found some old prescription pain medication a doctor had once prescribed to his dad. It was a couple of years old, but he knew he had to try something stronger. So he'd been biting each pill in half, hoping that would be enough to tamp down the headache. And it had worked. The taste was awful, but he found that if he chewed it up, and put it under his tongue, the relief would come sooner, and he could actually get to sleep faster.
So, once again, he'd reached for the bottle he'd smuggled into his suitcase, and found the other half of the pill he'd taken this morning before their flight. He quickly chewed it up, and had climbed into bed with it under his tongue. Then he'd begun to breathe slowly, in and out, in and out, with his pillow over his head, focusing on the sound of his lungs filling and emptying as it echoed in his ears, until he slowly drifted off to sleep.