Is there a guidebook to kidnapping? I'd like to know. Does it happen to include doppelgangers?

The Birabuto kingdom's stronghold was cracked open, and its king defeated... only for me to find a doppelganger of the Sarasaland Princess.

Suspicions about a kidnapper's guide aside, I'll admit, brainwashing the citizens did make things ever so slightly more difficult. How they knew to attack me, I don't know. I get the feeling that letter wasn't genuine.

Birabuto's ruler was a pawn, at least that's what his attendants told me after they recovered. They mentioned the rulers of the other kingdoms had defected under the kidnapper.

With the kingdom no longer hostile or brainwashed, I was free to get supplies and proper clothes for the desert.

Navigating the remaining kingdoms was easy, the brainwashed inhabitants being quite avoidable.

The kings were incompetent. Pushovers who had no fighting experience. No matter their size or intimidation tactic, they were sloppy. One of them thought cowering underwater would keep him safe. In the end, he only had weak fire magic and a guard to protect him.

The biggest hurdle was a piloting crash course to fly this small airplane into Chai. Heck no, I don't know how to fly the thing properly. Almost killed myself with poor judgement and fogged goggles.

Flying difficulties aside, the kidnapper was an alien. Never saw any live aliens while in space, of what I did see, I expected a giant bird person or a bug, not a purple goblin. He boasted about his advanced technology, but I've seen better. His ship blew up at a mountain peak soon after the Chai monarch was killed. Didn't find a body after checking the wreck.

The Princess was pacing around in a barricaded cell. The door and walls had dents and cracks in them. Chains that were intended to bind her were scattered on the floor... And I didn't stop to disguise before reaching her.

At least we're in the home stretch to her family's palace.

It's my dome at the Observatory. A noise is droning on and on.

Did she find me? What happened?

Out the porthole window is a void. No stars.

The droning follows out the dome. There's the bustling of lumas about the ship. Beyond the observatory's borders, the stars are still gone.

Rosetta is by an Observatory beacon that's too big and bright. She looks as she did before I left.

Is everyone gone?

"They aren't you; are not of them."

This isn't Rosetta.

"They waste your time. What you want is not the same."

It's a dream. There's always a loose thread in these things.

"Who's they?" There won't be an answer.

The droning's still going. Where's the source? I haven't heard the lumas since I got here...

It's cold, there's wind, and there's the droning noise. A vent.

I cranked up the air conditioner last night.

This is the guest room in the Sarasaland palace... We got here at dawn... It's past two.

Knock knock knock

Seems the knocking's only a gesture as hot air bellows in. A seahorse-serpent-looking creature enters. What are these things called?

I sit up in bed.

"Sir, His Magnificence is calling for your presence at the dining hall," the servant says.

"I'm tired. Can I skip it?"

"You do not look tired."

"Oh, well, you know... I put up a strong front?"

"You are in our lands, our ruler has given you lodging. Obey him."

But I just saved you. "Alright-y," I say.

At the dining hall, it's too warm. Dozens of windows are letting light in, but none of them are open. I can't wear a hat in here, either.

The Princess stands from her table and points at me. "There he is!"

A man opposite the Princess stands to look. Never met him before, but that's probably the King. "When you said it was Mario, I thought you were joking... Never mind. Come, take a seat!" He beckons.

The dining hall is blistering. Hopefully they won't mind me taking the closest seat to the door...

"Boy, that's the serf table. Come here. We'd like to talk." The King gestures to the one open seat at their table.

It was worth a shot. Why did I stay the night? Was I actually tired? Everyone's examining me like I'm some odd phenomenon.

"Stop it. It doesn't matter if he's an imitator, he's done so much good," says the King. He's looking at the Princess.

"But he's so cute, look at him blush!" the Princess says.

It's not a blush. This place is way too warm.

A beanish lady at the table seems more concerned. "Ohoho... That doesn't look good. Get cooling for our guest of honor, and a drink!"

Two servants run up, one holding a drink, the other a blue flower.

I grab the ice flower, dump a little magic in, and blissful, cold air consumes me. A fog forms, ice grows on the table. Oh... Frosted tips are appearing on the King's red mustache. Oops. Better shorten the radius.

The King's leans over. "You're a mage? Such control! You must be a shapeshifter as well. Do change to your true form."

A chance! The sight of a bald, scaly-skinned leper should make them lose interest. Or get a good Laugh.

The King shuffles away while the Princess' face twists in disgust.

"That can't be our savior!" she shouts.

Maybe I went too far. It's hard to keep a straight face, I should've chosen something subtle.

The King stumbles through his words, "Er... uh... Mind your words, Daisy! It's impressive how you can hide the stink of being a leper!"

Sinister voice is a go. "Ooooh nooo, I get that a lot! It's difficult to be a good person, looking as I do. Thank goodness for my... unnatural abilities."

The bean lady interrupts with a giggle. "Excuse me, Sire, that's not his true form."

Something hits me under the table, and the guise goes up in smoke.

Darn.

The King and Princess are puzzled again.

"Are you related to Mario? Perhaps a son?" the King asks.

I shaved my head last week! Am I really that recognizable? If only I had the will to change my mustache up, or the mind to actually disguise when I need to.

"Where are my manners? I am Emperor Gran Paradiso Sarasa. This," He gives a grand gesture to the Princess, "Is my daughter, Gerbera Daisy Sarasa. What is your name? Age? Daisy's twenty-three." He waggles his eyebrows.

I remember hearing about Daisy's birth a few decades back... Oh, and I guess he is an emperor, not a king.

Daisy huffs, "Stop! I don't need a matchmaker... But yeah, I also want to know your age."

What is my age? There were those decades away. What year was I born?

"Fifty." That's around what it would be, if not for the space adventure.

The royals look at each other, then at their retainers, who are equally as disbelieving.

"You've got humor, boy; though I'm not sure it's to my taste with that look."

"I'm not kidding you... And I don't have any kids."

"... Can you prove it?"

"What part- No, but what do I get from tellin' you I'm too old for her?"

Gran narrows his eyes. I may have made a mistake.

"You don't like my daughter? Do you think her hideous?"

What.

Daisy leans over to look at me.

Oh no. "No! Princess, you're beautiful! I- I'm... It's-"

"It's a lie! No man of Mario's age and standing acts so childish! You must get to know her. I know she looks fierce, but she doesn't bite!" he pleads.

Daisy rolls her eyes. "Dad, stop. Don't do this to people. Maybe we aren't meant to be?"

Will she get me out of this?

"Nonsense! He's talented, human... alright looking! You two will spend a day together."

He's very insistent.

"Well, now there's no chance!" Daisy says.

Yeah!

"You two would make a wonderful couple!"

No! "It's nice and all, you think I'd be good for your daughter, but I won't be botherin' you for too long." It's time to get going.

Gran claps twice and points at the mage. "You. Keep watch. Don't let him leave."

I lay my head on the table and let the air wheeze from my lungs. He sure interpreted that last bit, I'll give him that.

"Boy? Sit up!" Gran says.

What if I don't breathe? Breathing's optional, after all. Do the dead get tossed out?

"Come, now. It's only a day with my dear daughter; it's no forced marriage."

"You killed him with your matchmaking," Daisy says.

"Nonsense! He hasn't eaten- All that magic use must be causing low blood sugar! Boy, does nothing here appeal to you?"

Silence sets in.

"Did he actually?" Daisy says.

"C-could it be he overdid the ice?" Gran says as I'm poked in the arm.

The mage giggles again. "I wouldn't consider such a fog machine to be dead!"

I forgot to stop cooling the air. How do I forget I'm doing that? Well, too late now.

"See, he's tensing up. Very much alive, and consciously using magic. Very obvious magic."

The table shakes from a sharp slap. I jump into sitting up.

"You tried to fake your death to get out of dating me?!" Daisy shouts.

Gran laughs.

Screw you, old man... wait, he's younger than me.

"Yes?"

"No! You don't just conquer our kingdoms in a week and then cower when you're asked to date me!" Daisy steps closer.

"I said I didn't want to date you earlier!"

Gran put a hand on her shoulder. "Now, don't scare him, Daisy-" His chair screeches as she continues on.

I dive and scuttle for the door. The footsteps and screeching increase in tempo and volume. A guard moves to block the door, but can't stop me from hopping over him. The door opens to my kick. Spring-boarding off and landing behind Daisy, I pause.

She turns to face me, her father's screeching chair moving with her.

We stare down.

Gran puts up a hand in a calming gesture. "Now, now, we can settle this peacefu-"

A feint makes Daisy jump to intercept.

I dive under and charge ahead, causing guards to scurry away.

My room is somewhere in the left wing's top floor.

The guards keep running each other over, slowing themselves down.

Out the entrance, the balconies are an easy hop away and I find my room, grab my stuff, and run back out the balcony door... to see a bunch of guards rushing to the area far below. In the hall, I run into the out of breath bean mage.

She leans on the wall. "You... how? Thought I could... Predicted it."

Walking around could work. She's got a ward up, but it should break pretty easy.

As I push through, she speaks through breaths, "Don't run!... Princess Daisy won't hurt you... She's really quite taken with you. Give her a chance!"

A control spell's trying and failing to latch on.

"I really don't want to," I say.

"I really don't care... just do it... You've hurt her feelings."

"But-" I pause when I feel the control spell stop.

She sighs. "You aren't obligated to be romantic, just... how do you say? Hangout for the day."

"Couldn't you get a subject to do it?"

"She is not allowed near common rabble."

"I'm rabble."

"You are not, and you saved us."

"So? I'll be a leper again. You can say you shapeshifted me, and I can go on my merry way."

"No."

I guess one day can't be too bad...

"Fine." I back off and put my bag down.

She clasps her hands. "Very good! I'll-"

A bang-bang-bang-bang screeeeech comes from the end of the hallway.

Escape is sounding real good right now.

"Oh dear, give me a moment." She bustles off into the hall and returns with a calmer Daisy and a still-clinging Gran on a chair.

"You're a very timid fellow!" Gran says.

"Yes, yes, he is. Princess, please don't make him run again," the mage says.

"Yeah, yeah-"

A guard runs in. "There he is! Get him!"

Troops pour though the door and run up against the ward.

"He's got a shield! Mages, drop it!"

Gran stands from his chair. "Stop it!"

The guards in the process of throwing themselves at the barrier halt in their tracks. Those who are packed against it start un-piling themselves.

Maybe there's a reason they failed to defend themselves...

"Sire! We didn't see you there!" the captain says.

"Well? Get out! I think we've come to an understanding," Gran says.

A fancy guard runs up with a book. "My son and I are big fans, would you sign this, sir?"

"Oh- uh... I don't do signatures?"

Gran faces the guard. "I thought we determined he isn't the Mario."

The guards huddle and murmur among themselves, then the fancy guard turns back to Gran.

"No, we're fairly sure he's the real deal."

"Really?"

Gran, Daisy, and the mage look at each other, then at me.

"Captain, remove the guard from this room," Gran says.

As the last guard leaves, he drops his composure. "We are so sorry we didn't believe you!"

Daisy snorts.

"Daisy, do you still want to date him?" Gran asks.

"Oh? Yeah."

"Wait, wait, wait. I'm way older!" I say.

"So? My mom had a decade over dad. You look my age, anyway," Daisy says.

"I- I- you-"

"Why're you treating this like we're going to marry? It's just a date."

"I'm... Ki- Emperor Gran, how old are you?"

"Fifty. Why?"

"I- I'm your Pa's age! Dating you would be weird! I know I agreed and all... but can I tap out?"

"Ugh, city people..." Daisy says.

What's the city gotta do with this?!

"You two could make good friends?" Gran says.

"Could you stop?!"

"No need to be snappy. I'll be frank with you; we need to reconsider our defenses and image. Establishing an ally such as you could go a long way."

Is he stupid? "Establish me as an ally?"

Gran sets his jaw. "You killed our kings in a week."

"They were pretty underwhelming..."

"You saved the galaxy!"

"I happened to assist in that?"

"What of your other achievements? Do you bumble into victory against every evil you face?"

"Yes?"

Gran glares. "How insulting. If what you say is true, we were saved by a simpleton and the world is indebted to coincidences..."

The mage gives a hearty chuckle, "A simpleton who can crumple my barriers and ignore my influence? I'm horrified. Regardless, the agreement was that you'd accompany her highness for a day, not a date."

Well... "When's it start?"

Daisy puts her hands on her hips. "I'm a job, huh?"

"Now, now, this is for image. Think of him as a deterrent. Princess Toadstool rules over a different species and she hasn't been contested since the days of Bowser's kidnappings. Think. Would anyone want to go against someone with him as an ally?" Gran says.

"I see the point, but it's still terrible," she says.

"Enough. Tomorrow, you will do as you please, but the court mage and the guards will keep watch."

I'm not interested in being found again. One day, and I'm gone.

On this fine day, we are perusing a shady arms shop whilst disguised in full armor. I made sure to bring an ice flower. Daisy probably isn't supposed to be here, though the mage and guards don't seem to mind. I don't mind, mainly because the armor defeats the purpose of this very normal, and not forced hangout.

She walks up with a bulky grey tube of a gun on her shoulder. It's half her size. "Mari- Marco, do you know about these things?"

"Scopes? Those suck. Zappers are better." I point to a rack of much smaller and slimmer guns.

"Those look scrawny! This thing looks like it could punch through steel."

"Don't need much for flesh and bone."

Daisy huffs. "Alright, we'll test these out on the range. Are you up for it?"

The shaman dealer speaks up, "You pay for the ammunition."

"No problem," Daisy says.

Shooting? Sounds fun. "I'm not goin' easy on you."

"As if I need it."

Out in the rocky flatlands, a bleached half-wall marks the range.

The dealer stands in front of us. "You get one cell for the scope and three for the zapper." They hold the scope's cell in one hand, and the zapper's cells between the fingers of the other. "There will be fifty balloons to shoot. You pay for damage to the weapons."

After the targets are set up and the scope is explained, Daisy and I stand at the ready for the dealer's signal. I take off my gauntlets.

A flare is cast into the sky and I dive over the wall into a roll, sprinting out to get an angle. The visor's hard to see out of.

"Hey!" Daisy shouts.

I pop three balloons in one shot.

Daisy starts running around and shooting, clumsy in her armor. She's charging up the scope. Good. Less shots for her. She's also struggling to aim the bulky thing because she balanced it wrong.

I run through my rounds sprinting and flipping around the rocky terrain, getting two or more balloons with each shot.

We return to the dealer, who's looking at me with their glowing eyes. "What kind of armor are you wearing?" they ask.

"Same as them? Why?"

"I've never seen someone move like that in full plate."

Daisy taps her foot. "Interesting. Let's hear our scores."

"Marco got twenty, Sara got eight."

Daisy stomps the ground. "It's not fair!"

Pathetic. "Told you I wasn't goin' easy."

"Now, now, it was an admirable attempt," the mage says.

Daisy points at me. "You cheated!"

"Dealer never said we couldn't move around."

"You..."

"Gotta get every advantage."

Daisy huffs. "Let's go back. I'm buying this."

"Your friend just proved the other one's efficacy," the dealer says.

Daisy pouts. "I'm not an idiot. That wasn't just the gun."

"Fair enough. Four-thousand coins."

Daisy pulls out her wallet.

"No, no. Let's get to the shop first," the mage says, ushering Daisy in the direction of the castle town.

On the way, I mutter to Daisy, "It doesn't count for much that I beat you."

She flares up, "Doesn't count for much?! I was trying my best while you were doing backflips and stealing points from me!"

"Stealing?"

She glares. "You popped targets I was shooting at!"

"So? Not my fault your bullets are slow."

She huffs and walks ahead.

By the time we get back to the shop, the mage is trying to talk Daisy out of buying the super scope.

"We can order a scope tailor-made for you," the mage says.

"You're just going to give me a practice one!"

"But practice is what you need. That attempt was good, but you must improve before I entrust you with such a weapon."

"If my attempt was good, then I should have the gun."

"No. You didn't even hold the gun right," I say.

The mage is gesturing me to shut up while Daisy stares through her visor with a hatred I haven't seen before, not even from Bowser back in the day. Taunting brats feels so good.

"Try stickin' to stuff you got a chance at."

There's a shout. I'm on my back with a crushing pain in my neck and jaw. Blood is welling in my mouth, teeth are broken and rattling around.

"Princess! Your father is going to hear about this!" the mage says.

When I try to take the helmet off or open my mouth, I'm met with resistance and even more pain. The metal crumpled.

"I didn't mean to hit him that hard!" Daisy says.

To think, one of my worst injuries is from a spoiled princess! There wasn't even any wind up to that punch! I cut the metal around the crushed area with a hot fingertip.

"No! don't do that! Stop! You'll hurt yourself!"

I try to say, "Shut up," but it comes out as muffled gibberish.

They approach, but are kept back with a bit of fire.

Finally, I remove the damaged metal, get the helmet off, and roll onto my stomach to spit up loose bits of teeth and blood.

The mage says, "I'm so sorry, the Princess has such a temper, please forgive her. I shouldn't have made you do this. Our healers will address it."

Daisy's pacing around.

I look around and see the guards don't seem to know what to do.

Getting up to leave, the others panic.

"We need to get to the castle!" the mage says.

"But dad will know!" Daisy says.

They're dawdling. I run out the door and start a sprint towards a cab.

"What are you doing?! We need to stick together!" Daisy shouts from the shop.

If they want to stick together, they can catch up.

I should have left the moment she stepped through the palace gates that night.

My jaw's healed and my missing teeth'll grow back in a little... Freaked out the healers, who might want to dissect me.

Still can't get over that punch. Four teeth knocked clean out, and six cracked. I knew she was strong, but I didn't think I'd lose teeth to such a mundane situation. Yes, I was mean, but I thought it'd take more than that to get punched!

Gran's been apologizing, begging me to not let the public know. Like I'd go blabbing about getting sucker punched by a princess.

On the way out of the palace, the guards seem to notice and block me.

"Halt! Where are you going with that?" one asks.

Walking around them is met by a moving wall.

"You- you can't leave unannounced!"

Can I jump over again?

The guards hold their spears high. "Please."

I dart into the opening below their arms, but a guard grabs my leg. He's holding on even as he falls and is dragged out of the line! Why are they so determined for the sake of this incompetent empire?!

"Sir Mario, we implore you to stay!" the guard pleads.

They're running to surround me. Yanking away only drags the guard along. He isn't letting go. Burning won't do, and it'll take too long to pry him off. Could shadows slip up his grip?

I try coating my leg in shadow, but the limb disappears entirely and I get sent flying. Landing on my remaining leg, I keep up the momentum and pogo to the city as the guards chase.

They're still looking. It's been hours, and they are still looking. They'll never suspect a disabled child on the crowded streets, so I'm fine on that front... but I also don't know how to make my leg appear again, so I got a pole to lean on. Should've practiced the body part of shadow magic a bit more. A little heartburn's setting in, but it's not too bad.

I'm more worried about the people following me. A bunch of weirdos in matching robes.

Been going in a circle around a part of town just to be sure. There's a few in the alleys, too. They approach, but I clear the alleys before they get close.

Ahead are palace guards! One of them is the guy who asked for an autograph! Uh... the guard captain!

I hobble up, tug at his leg, and when he looks down at me in bewilderment, I point accusingly at the robed people. "They're following me!"

He gestures them to come closer as the other guards notice what's going on. "Were you following this child?"

One shakes his head and acts all nonchalant. "Children are so easily paranoid. We only spread word of the new day."

The guard looks down at me, then at them. "Move along, then."

When they shuffle past, the guard leans down to my level. "That was a good thing you did."

I nod. How do you talk like a seven year old?

He looks me over. "Where are your parents?"

"I know!"

"Come with me. I'll help you find them."

Oh no.

The dinner table of the guard's family is a bit awkward. His wife and children pity me, and they plan on sending me to get my non-leg checked out tomorrow. At least they didn't check my bag... I have infiltrated this man's family in the guise of a disabled child, only to disappear within the same day.

Why did I leave the palace through the front? I could've left in a billion other ways, and not done... this.

"Excuse me?" It's the guard's wife.

"Is something wrong?" she asks.

I shake my head.

She and her husband share a look. "Eat your food."

"Can I sleep?" Feeling like trash probably helps make it convincing.

Her face hardens, but she hesitates. Afterwards, she nods and guides me to a room with a bed.

The window beside it is closed. I'm guessing its locked, too.

Hopping from the bed, it takes a bit to find the latch while dangling. Then the door opens.

It's the wife. She's holding a drink.

"Get down from there!"

At least the bed's soft on landing.

She checks me over, then her eyes widen. "We didn't give you clothes... I'll be right back." She leaves the room running.

I grab my bag and unlock the window before pushing it open and swinging out.

The fall is longer than I thought. Time to brace for landing on one leg...

My lower half is in the ground. No. It's not there. Well, it might be, but it can't feel anything...

What. Why. Why? The abomination? No. That happened so long ago. Could this...? Was everything after that...? Is this...?

Did I fail?

I... bob up from the ground? I'm moving?

Something smacks me in the head... No, I ran into a wall.

Well, that whole panic undisguised me... And the heartburn's in full swing. My legs and lower torso are a shadow thingy now. How's moving work?

Using the shadow... tail is finicky. Leaning in a direction gets me moving that way, and I speed up really quickly. Stopping is the problem. A full stop gets me bobbing back and forth to balance. It's really fast and silent, but I might get skin peels of the frictional kind from wipeouts on it. A guard walked out of an alley at a bad time, resulting in a face-plant and some time in a trash can.

Getting to the royal airport was fast, if hectic, and then I had to make a detour back out of there to steal some sleepy bombs from a frog shop because there were guards camping around the little airplane. Those same guards are now having a sleeping party under the stars.

But, one more issue has reared its head.

Not that the plane's tank is empty; stole fuel just to be sure.

No.

I don't know how to sit.

This shadow tail doesn't do the thing legs do when sitting, or I can't make it do the thing. When I try to sit, it just doesn't want to. Do I fly this thing standing up? The last few bombs in my pockets say yes.

My legs came back when I jumped the plane!

Flying didn't go so well, but an hour by air is better than nothing. With how far off the next city is, I kind of regret getting my legs back. While the shadow tail was weird and felt bad, moving around was effortless so long as there were no abrupt stops.

A bit of ocean is glimmering in the distance. The din of water, the sand bouncing between the wind-sculpted dunes... Gotta walk faster, just in case.

Author's note

Ever suddenly remember something after a year, look it over, and get the urge to staple more on?