The bus was pretty much empty. Just as well because she wasn't in the mood for talking. She'd tried to sleep some but these seats so damn fucking uncomfortable and she couldn't stop thinking. Thinking about him. What she was going to do to him. Thinking about what she was going to say to him. This journey of hers to see him had taken her weeks and yet she didn't have the first idea what she was going to say to him. It wasn't like her. She was get some, get gone gal. Now she was travel across the US to see a guy.

She didn't need these stupid, pointless emotions cluttering up her mind. she popped in the earphones and turned the volume up full on her stereo. She'd taken it from some guy she'd mugged at the bus terminal, along with the cash from his wallet. The cash which was funding this little excursion. She'd felt a little guilty afterwards but, fuck, she didn't kill the guy… or the others she had robbed from. And they were all dicks hanging around bus stops looking to pray on innocent girl who would get off the bus with big, scared eyes. Predators. She knew their game. Putting them with a few bruises and the odd broken bone was nothing compared to what they deserved.

She grips her coat tighter to her as the cold air chills her. She had to fight the urge to bounce nervously in her seat. It was always a problem for Faith, sitting still. As a kid, she'd been hyper and imaginative, two things that did not earn her smiles and hugs. She'd quickly learned to keep that nervous energy to herself, but it was always hard when she was stressed. Smoking had helped with that, gave her fingers something to do, but she had run out of smokes and hadn't had time to buy a new pack before this last bus. She looks down at her bag. Half open she can see the book she been carrying this whole way. His book which she is now returning to him. She has found herself reading it from time to time. Not much else to do while stuck on buses or trains. Closing her eyes as she listens to the music. One of her favourite songs playing she lets the music, and the lyrics take over.

Nobody rides for free

Nobody rides for free

Don't stop to think cause I know where I stand

I'm on my way no your not gonna change my plan

If you can break away and see what I say

You'll understand what I'm trying to be

XXXXXXXXXXX

I wake up in my bed covered in sweat. The sheets cling to me and my mouth is dry. I look around the room I am in and I have never seen it before. It is clearly a hospital bed. My memory all comes back to me. Buffy, our fight, Xander, his gun, Buffy's knife, getting stabbed and then falling. I don't know how long I was laying there before coming too. Hospital noises featuring little beeps are all around me. I turn and look at monitors, then at tube in my hand. I lift my hand up and clenches it into a fight fist. It is the fist of slayer.

I throw the covers aside, rip out the monitor cable and get up to leave. I have a graduation to crash. As I move, I am pulled back by tube in her hand. As I yank it out, I notice the book on the nightstand. A worn copy of 'Into the wild'. She had heard of the book but never read it. She never brought it, so it didn't belong to her. A quick glance inside and she saw some writing behind the first page. "X.H 1998" it was his book. It belonged to Xander. He had been here. He had visited her.

A quick conversation with a woman provided not only clothes to wear and more importantly information on current events. Faith had been asleep nearly half a year. The school was in ruins and the Mayor was listed as one of those people who had died. She said missed it. Buffy and her friends had once again beaten the odds and saved the day again.

I watched them from Giles's window peeking in. Buffy and her group. Talking about someone called Adam, sounds like the new big bad. She listens to them and they exchange their usual banter and silliness. Giles is there, Buffy naturally and by the looks of things she has a new boytoy in some light brown hair hunk. Willow was there but no Xander. He wasn't there. At no point did he appear or was he mentioned. I'm cold. I'm shivering and my stomach is howling at me for something to eat but I can't take my eyes away. They have all moved on. Haircuts have changed, fashions have been replaced and big bads have now come into the spotlight. I think of Xander. I still only vaguely I know how many days it's been. I start to miss him. I wonder is, he's okay. I wonder if he cares.

I leave my spot as I see Buffy get a phone call alerting her of my reawakening. Very quickly the talk had turned to having another homicidal lunatic to deal with and "how Buffy needed to beat the crap out of me" according to Willow. Thanks Red didn't know you cared. One thing I don't like about this clear-minded thinking now that I am awake is the memories. They invade my mind with fiery vengeance accompanied by its even more vicious brethren. Memories of him. Of his stupid grin, his brown eyes, his holding a gun at his beloved Buffy defending me. The memories won't stop. They are hitting me creating a headache. I see too much. Too many moments of my past haunting my mind. They won't leave me be.

There's also another little thing as the headache in my head pounds inside me like a jackhammer pounding into concrete. Something that won't get out of my head. Was being with Xander my bad choice? Or was being with me Xander's? It all seemed so real. Too real. He was alone. His friends slowly pushing him away. So, for a while Faith made him hers. Not like Buffy Summers, perfect, blonde Buffy would ever choose a loser like him. Not when there was that dull, dependable, all-American beef stick looking guy looking at her his shy, trusting eyes and floppy hair. At least Angel had some mystery about him, a lot of girls liked that whole tortured past deal.

At first, he was simply a class clown, then he was the guy who cheated on his girlfriend before he then became her one-night stand. It certainly wasn't that performance that due Faith to Xander. He was hardly a sexual dynamo. To me, he was just another guy, and while I enjoyed myself somewhat, I wasn't very impressed by Xander's performance. It wasn't awful, but it was just about what I expected. She had continue to do him mainly to mess with Buffy's head. Take something from B. Flaunt it in Buffy's face… that was the idea at first. But then he then he would be insightful, sometimes his humour would be forced, and she would see him. The real him. As a lost as she felt at times. He had a group of friends, a slayer to hide behind but yet he felt alone. I know the feeling. I was always second fucking best. I was the redundant, unwanted Slayer, the bad apple. Just for once, I wanted to come out on top. That's why I'd turned to the Mayor. I wanted to be a winner, not the stupid, crappy, fucking loser that my mom had predicted I'd grow up to be.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. What a mess. Faith shook her head and pulled her jacket tight around her, guarding against the cool chill of the early hours, resuming her journey.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Xander was speechless at first. His mind was running so many directions at the sight of her. It was amazing, one second there was nothing, the next, she was right in front of him. He had been yawning from another day of hard manual labour and he had been looking forward to getting back to his room he was renting the nice older couple a couple of blocks away. They were good with rent, had helped him find his job and apart from good-natured inquiries as to why a nice boy like him doesn't have a steady girl, they tended not to pry in his life… which is what he wanted.

The point is having finished his shift and waved goodbye to a few guys he was not expecting to see Faith standing next to the gate at the entrance of the site looking at him. Jacob a co-worker around Xander's age who was standing next to him noted his reaction and Faith's beauty and whispered "Hey man! I saw her first!"

Xander rolled his eyes and Faith's slayer hearing picked up on the comment and fixed the young man with a glare. "Get out of here." She simply said and deciding to honour such a request Jacob was gone and it was just the two of them in the yard. She felt sick, tired, hungry and above all, scared. Scared that he would turn her away, or worse, turn against her. Would he laugh? Be amazed at her nerve for coming to him? He probably ran away to get away from her. Ran far away and hoped to never see her again.

She looked cold. Her jacket not really suitable for Alaska's climate. It had taken him awhile to get his Californian body to adjust too. Her hair looked messy; her lips weren't the deep ruby red she painted them as; her eyes didn't contain that deeper, darker look that her mascara often gave her. Her lips were red. Her eyes were dark. Naturally so. It was just Faith. She looked beautiful.

The gang back in Sunnydale frowned on my attractions toward the raven-haired goddess, but their opinion didn't matter anymore. They weren't here… not anymore. Did they know she was here? Did they know she was awake? He hadn't spoken to them in well over a month. Funny how he never talked to any of them anymore. He hadn't even given them his new number since he had reached Heady. Xander's immediate reaction had been to reach for the nearest blunt object and defend himself but then he'd noticed that empty look in Faith's eyes. She knew that some change had occurred in the other girl.

"Faith" Xander said blurting out the obvious.

"Hi" she simply offered back at him.

XXXXXXXX

"Thanks for coming with. Hunting for a psychopathic super bitch is definitely in the above and beyond category." Willow said to Tara as they wandered up the staircase at the university.

Tara smiled politely "it's okay, really. So, what do we do if we find her?"

"Run, flee, maybe skedaddle." Willow admitted to the other girl as they got to top of the stairs. "We're not here to engage. This is strictly recon."

Tara smiles causing Willow to asked "What?" as they rounded a corner.

"You said 'recon.' You're like "Cool Monster Fighter" Tara gushed at her.

Willow smiled proudly at that before frowning. "Well, technically, Faith isn't a monster. And as far as fighting, I'd be lucky to bruise her fist with my face."

"Oh!" Tara nervously looked around as they walked down a corridor suddenly scared.

"What?"

"Face-punching, I'm not so good with the whole..." Tara began to imitated throwing punches rather badly.

Willow looked at her actions and frowned stopping at her dorm room. "Swimming?"

"Violence" Tara clarified.

"Don't worry" Willow smiled getting out her key for her room "we're sure to spot Faith first. She's like this cleavagy slut-bomb walking around "Ooh, check me out, I'm wicked-cool, I'm five-by-five." Willow opened the door and gestured for Tara to enter.

"Five-by-five?" Tara asked her stepping into the room followed by Willow. "Five what by five what?"

"Hell, if I know!" Faith said coming from behind the door slamming it shut and punching Tara in the face. The blond went down to the ground in a flash unconscious. Willow's eyes widen as she saw Tara drop, whispered a few words and threw her hands outstretched at Faith. The slayer couldn't help but find herself being pushed back against an invisible force. She crashed against a drawer on the other side of the room. Faith looked at Willow startled as the witch held her hands out wide beside her. "Nice one red! Been practicing?" Faith asked her.

"You betcha!" Willow replied to her and whispered some more words again throwing them at Faith. This time the slayer dodged whatever force Willow was throwing at her and rolled on the ground to grab the unconscious Tara and wrapped her arms around her neck. The message was clear. Try it again and she dies. Willow froze at the sight of this.

"Where is he?" Faith asked her.

"Who?"

"Xander!" Faith growled.

"Xander! That what's this is about! You want Xander!" Willow cried out in disbelief.

"What I want is none of your business!" Faith spat at her gripping Tara's neck tightly. "Look he wasn't at your little meeting last night! I have been to his house and neither his parents know where he is saying he had left months ago! I figure if anyone in this town knows where he went it's you Red!"

"Well thanks to you I don't know where he is!" Willow told her with venom. "You corrupted him! Turn him against us!"

"I gave him the best ride of his life Willow! Jealous you didn't think of doing that?" Faith smiled smugly at her.

"You're just a bitch!" Willow told her.

Faith's eyes raged at the insult and her fingers gripped Tara's neck even tighter to leave marks. Noting Willow's fear and caring for the girl she was holding Faith's mind began to put two and two together. "Didn't see Oz at the meeting. Don't see his stuff here. I see this girl here however… guess you're not driving stick anymore!"

"Shut up!" Willow's eyes glared at her.

"Tell me where Xander is and I will leave!" Faith declared.

"Fine you want to see him go find him!" Willow yelled at her moving and grabbing a postcard she kept on the wall and tossing it at her. "This is the only one I got from him after he left! Doesn't even mention where he is! Good luck looking for him!"

Faith looked at the picture on the front of the postcard. It was a totem from some totem centre which told her pretty much nothing, so she quickly scanned the writing on the postcard. It was brief and fairly genetic message. Nothing too intimate just bits about the weather, a bus ride and how cold it is being nearly Alaska… Alaska why did that seem to matter? Her mind searched and searched… the book! The book at the hospital! That's it! She might not know where he is at this second, but she knew where he was going! She knew it! Tossing Tara at Willow she moved out the door and down corridor in seconds. She knew where he was going!

XXXXXXXXX

I need something stronger than this, she thought as she eyed the pungent brown liquid in her mug. She craved the burn of Jack Daniels sliding down her throat. But she kept the mug in her palm, just so she could feel the heat of it. His hosts an older couple seemed nice when he briefly introduced her to them. He had come up with a story that she was his sister babbling on about their childhood, family and pets in a story far too long to be believable. Everyone in the room could tell it was fake but in the end the couple Leon and Jackie didn't mind Faith's presence seemingly. The lady of the house Jackie had even told her she was glad she was here when handing her some towels when they were alone briefly. Why was she here? She had asked herself that many times while on the road. To see him. To kill him. She didn't know the answer to that question.

Xander sipped his mug next to her. He was fit she decided. Manual labour at the tree cutting yard he worked in agreed him as she eyed his muscles. That and his fashion sense had improved. Gone were the bright colours and tacky shirts replaced with more solid colours and practical rugged clothing. A few days stubble covered his face, and his hair was a little unruly, but he was still Xander.

"You left town" Faith said out of the blue. They hadn't talked in awhile not after he had entered his room with two mugs of hot coco. Neither was sure what of what to say to another. Last time they had seen each other he was holding a gun and she was prepared to fight to the death. It was so different from how she'd always imagined such a reunion might be. She imagined screaming matches. She imagined him running away. She imagined them fucking to be honest but here they were in silence sipping on coco.

"Yeah I just wanted to get away" Xander admitted.

"Away from your friends?" Faith asked him. He had loyalty craved into his face when she first met him. He was one of the group. Buffy's lapdog! The joker, the comic relief and he simply got up and left? That didn't make sense to her.

"After what happened… I was numb for the longest time" Xander confessed to her. "I came back after the summer and I tried to get back into the scooby gang, but it was clear that they didn't need or want me around. There was too much distance between us. Willow and Buffy were doing the college thing and I was stuck moving from one dead end job to another. Maybe I could have tried harder but… I didn't apologise for what I did, and I don't think they could accept that."

Figures Faith thought they were always too wrapped up in their own little soap operas or future talk show subjects to worry about anyone else's problems. I think Xander and I were the only realists there. We both knew things would never get better, but we kept going anyway. Not everyone was created equal. The scar on her stomach proved that.

"So, you just left?" Faith asked him to which he nodded.

"Just one day… woke up and packed up my belongings, said some goodbyes to the gang and drove. I kept doing odd jobs when I was low on cash. I never stayed in one place too long; keeping myself nameless and faceless is what kept me going. It wasn't a bad life being nomad. I could be anyone I wanted to be. A new place, a new person." Xander told her.

His voice was low, quiet and almost sombre. His voice didn't make his story sound like it was road trip of a lifetime. She can see all the hell and bitterness that his existence had become. He is a changed man. Her stomach had twisted slightly at the realization. She'd done that to him. That dark whisper of control. She'd changed him forever. It made her sick, and it made her feel powerful. "Must be lonely" Faith simply stated.

"You get used to it" Xander said staring off into the distance. There was no sarcasm to his tone. That was unusual. They were always like that, the Sunnydale crew. Sarcastic as hell.

"Do you?" Faith asked after a second.

"Not really" Xander admitted turning to face her. "But I like the quiet." There were times when he'd hated this girl, and there was a time he could have believed in loving her. Those times were both long past. He wasn't sure what he thought of her now. He never thought he would see her again. Seeing her in the coma day after day was torture. She was Faith. She was meant to be wild and carefree not broken. And because of him she was that way. He had replayed the events in his mind repeatedly. Had him haunt his nightmares cursing him and attacking him. Calling him all sort of names and insults that he felt. In the end he had to get away. He had nothing left there but broken dreams and promises.

"I… umm… brought your book" Faith whispered almost looking ashamed. She set down her mug on his bed side table and opened her small backpack to produce his copy of 'Into the wild'. She passed it over and Xander took it staring at it. "It's how I found you."

Xander smiled while looking at his book. He turned to Faith and her expression was nearly unreadable. Was she happy? Sad? Bored? He didn't know. "Thank you" Xander said uneasy. He didn't know what to say. Well what do you say when a beautiful girl wakes up from a coma and her first act is to travel halfway across America to return a book you left by her bedside table. "Did you… umm get a chance to read it?"

"A little" Faith admitted. "I had sometime to kill between buses."

A thought occurred to Xander. "Do you want to go somewhere tomorrow?"

XXXXXX

She had agreed to his plan well its not like she had any other plans. And early next morning just as dawn was rising, they had set off in Leon's jeep. They drove as far as they could before Xander stopped and they got out and hiked. Having never hiked before and never been in such forests before Faith found herself enjoying the whole experience. Xander looked like he was in his element. Walking with purpose not shuffling along without confidence like she was used to seeing him do. He had been on the trail before he told her. It was one of the first things he had done when he arrived here. He pointed out landmarks, points of interest and abit about the history that he knew.

After an hour or two of hiking they were there. Standing in front of a city transit bus that had long been abandoned in a clearing along the trail. It was rusty, dented, dirty containing a couple of beds and a wood-burning stove. The bus Xander told her as they walked around it gained notoriety in when Christopher McCandless, an American hitchhiker lived in the bus during the summer of 1992 while attempting to survive off the Alaskan wilderness only to die of starvation three and a half months later. McCandless called it 'Magic Bus' in his writings Xander told her. Looking at him she could tell how much this site meant to him. He looked like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders as he described what he had learnt and knew about the site.

"So, way back in the 70s they just left the bus here?" Faith asked him as took a drink of water from her bottle.

"Yeah the story goes it had a broken rear axle, so they just left it here in the middle of all of this" Xander gestured around taking a seat next to her. "Used to serve as a shelter for hunters, trappers, and visitors. Now mostly just visitors like you and me!" He grinned at her. Faith smiled back at him.

They sat admiring the wilderness around them. She was a big city girl who never got a chance younger to visit a park while he was a kid from a small town by the beach who never knew such a place like this could exist. His summer road trip had been after graduation had been a bust with his car failing only 40 miles down the road from Sunnydale. However rather than pay for a bus ride back he decided to stay in exile away from the group to process everything that had happened. His return had been difficult and as awkward as he suspected it would. Seeing no future in Sunnydale he had left with a vague idea of where to go but a promise to himself that he would not stop until he got there.

"So, what happens now?" Xander asked her after a minute.

Faith couldn't help but chuckle looking back at him. "The hell if I know! This didn't really have much of a plan other than come and see you. Call it temporary insanity or whatever. I just… wanted to see you." She licked her lips unconsciously.

"I'm glad you did" Xander said honestly. He had been running on fumes since the day she fell into a coma. He had missed her. What they had, this relationship or whatever you could call it was messed up, forbidden, frowned upon and yet it was theirs.

"… B and the others aren't going to accept me… maybe they never will." Said Faith as if reading his mind. "I'm wanted in more than a few states… done terrible things… got some bad issues and thoughts in my head… you would have to be crazy to be with me" Faith admitted to him. She looked for less than the confident, remorseless slayer he had known in the past and more like a scared young girl. Why did she feel this way? Why was she so nervous around him? He is just a guy. Some goofball. Why was she almost holding her breath in the hope that something would happen?

Xander move closer to her putting his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. She gave a soft moan of approval at being enveloped in his warmth and wrapped her arms around his middle. He stared at her whispering "no one ever accused of being sane" and he kissed her. She moaned against him kissing back with a smouldering kiss pulling him closer to her. Their tongues pressing softly against each other as they clung together.

She broke the kiss and stared at him. She couldn't help but grin at his slight dazed face. They were together. They had escaped from their misery and found each other again.