Xander clenched his teeth together as he slowly threaded his arm through the sleeve of his shirt. He is pretty woozy still and now had some good stitches on his forehead but was determined. He'd taken a major beating. In any other situation the doctors would never let him leave his bed, let alone the hospital. Lucky for him the hospital was empty with the townsfolk having left town.
"What are you doing?" Faith's voice came and he looked up to find her there at the doorway looking tired and a little bit angry.
"Getting dressed," Xander explained.
"Why?" Faith said having to stop herself from growling.
"Because when I walk inside Buffy's house naked, I tend to get stared at," Xander joked.
Oh great! Xander's got a case of the stubborn heroics going on here just what she needs. She walked into the room fully. "Are you retarded?" Faith did growl at him. "You only woke up from a coma a few hours ago! You still have a head injury probably a bad concussion and you just want to race back to Buffy's and leap into danger!"
"I don't care," he snapped. "If there was bad mojo rising any day now, then I am was to be there! I'm going to Buffy's to..."
"To do what?!" Faith fired back.
"I'll figure that out when I get there," he answered. She was mad, he realized. Really angry. Her face was turning slightly red as she glared at him.
"Why are you doing this?!" Faith yelled at him. "Why are you acting like this?!"
"Like what? I'm just done with lying in a hospital bed!" Xander justified.
"I carried your body to the hospital, I listened to the doctors described your condition, so I know how messed up you were, so you don't needing to pretend that you are some superhero!" Faith explained to him.
"So what?! I just sit here and hope I am not in anyone's way?!" Xander shouted back at her. "Hang back here and wait while you and everyone else goes into battle!? It's always the same with me! Always stay out of the way and you will be safe Xander!" He finished disgusted.
Typical! The fight was about to begin, and he was sit it out. Even Faith wanted him here out of the way to keep him safe. He knew that look she was giving him just now. He had seen in many different faces over the years: Buffy, Giles, Willow and now Faith. She just wanted him protected like he was a useless child! How can she act like the others? He was different. His life was different. She had been there to see him change and grow. She was part of the reason he had changed. She had encouraged him, pushed him and most importantly believed in him. Now she was treating him like a child… just like the others had done before he had left.
"No! I just don't want you hurt you idiot!" She near screamed at him in frustration looking like she was going to tear her hair out. "I've sat here praying to whatever god that you were going to be alright and goddamn you for making me feel this way!"
"Why are you getting so upset about this?!" Xander asked her annoyed. "I'm better now!"
"Because you scared me half to death asshole!" Faith yelled at him. The image of him in a hospital bed looking so goddamn fragile will be burned in her brain for the next few days probably longer. Now he wanted to jump straight back into the fray. God, she wanted to punch him so badly.
"Excuse me but where you the one in a coma?" Xander replied.
"No, I was the one who had to watch you while you were in a coma. I am the one who watched as the doctors fled the scene. So, this is no time for your bullshit sense of humour!" Faith fired back at him before crumbling into the chair next to his bed.
Xander blinked and swallowed. Oh god. Sometimes he forgot how blind and clueless he could be. He hadn't thought about what this must mean for Faith. Since they had gotten together, they had seen each other in various ways: serious, carefree, determined and loving. But she had never seen him so close to death.
He had seen many sides of her. Past her defences and past the mask she wore. The act that the group knew the Faith who would shrug off romantic feelings with saucy grin and a sexy wink the only Faith they ever saw wasn't real. Get past that and you see a caring, soft and smart young girl just trying to find her way in life. She was amazingly loyal too but to him and the memory of her first watcher Anna… and here he was acting like a tool. He had been so determined to not be the Xander they all remembered. That awkward teenager desperately searching for acceptance and purpose that he had forgotten to be her Xander too.
He leaned down to her as best he could. "I'm sorry," he whispered gently to her.
"You could have died!" She croaked out her head buried in her hands. "I could have lost you!"
"I know and I'm sorry." Xander whispered reaching out to hung her. She accepted the hung wrapping her arms around him. For a long time, it's been just them. We didn't need this town. We just need each other. She never ask me to prove anything, and I never asked her to change. When her arms are around me, I feel like there is nothing wrong in the world. It's kind of like the world narrows down to just me and her. There is nothing but us.
XXXXXXXXXX
Faith sat down on Xander's bed at Leon and Jackie's house. They had left the woods after tying the remaining two council team members to a tree. They had decided to leave town the first thing in the morning however Faith had suspected with one of their members dead that the council had gotten the message to stay away. She sighed, a little agitated, he shot someone. A person. Not a vampire... she paused in her thoughts... for me.
Was this what she was doing to him? Changing him? Corrupting him? Maybe Red and B were right about her. The Xander she first met could barely tie his shoelaces together let alone kill another human being. Faith closed her eyes. She knew what it felt like. Taking a human life. Killing another person. She knew the weight it puts on a soul. Now Xander had to carry that burden… because of her.
"Hey," he said softly at the door holding two cups of coco. He walked and sat down beside her handing her a cup.
"Faith," Xander started. "If it's about me shooting that guy, then I'm gonna say here and now that I'd quite happily shoot him in the kneecaps if he or his buddies turn up here." He looked at her in totally serious. "I'm not going to let them take you."
"You killed someone," Faith states almost without emotion. "How is that okay?"
"I couldn't let them take you," Xander stated.
"You think its so easy," Faith explained. "But its not. You cross that line: it always starts off with a small step. Before you know it, you're running as fast as you can in the wrong direction… I should know. I have been tainted and stained by this. It doesn't wash off no matter how hard you scrub. Once you get dirty it's impossible to get clean."
Xander listened to what she had to say and nodded. "I'm not dumb to this. It's just that… I see someone hurt or threaten someone I care about and everything else goes out the window. I will do whatever it takes to save them- and I mean whatever it takes. Sometimes that means I am short sighted and sometimes that makes me downright mean." He glanced away recalling some of his less than fine moments. "I've said some horrible things to Buffy… even Willow before you were ever on the scene all because I was trying to protect them… and because I thought I was right."
Faith blinked. Back at Sunnydale it was common knowledge that I'm not fucking Princess Buffy. Not as good as her at slaying, not by a longshot. She had her little band of helpers while I had a crappy motel. So, to hear that one the worshippers from the temple of Buffy actually would speak up against the Chosen One herself is pretty impressive. But Slayers don't kill people. Goddamn the Council's fucking rules. Now Xander is actually saying that some people need to die… kept calling it murder when I did it.
No those were murders that she committed plain and simple. Each time she did it she felt vile and dirty, sure she pretended that it was nothing special: false bravado, cockiness etc but that didn't stop the nightmares or the empty feeling. Now Xander was falling down that path. That reckless abandon which is what she used to think slaying was all about. He was calm and detached, but serious when he should be disgusted and scared. He was alienated from his friends, banished from Scooby gang and had walked out on the life he had known all because of her. Because they had fallen into some sort of twisted relationship. Even now his eyes are full of caring looking at her. Forgetting the fact that she was damaged goods, wild and sick in the head. I'm broken and I wonder how long before Xander realizes it and decides I'm not worth the trouble. Fear grips her at the thought of losing him and the thought of destroying him.
He moves forward hugging her, telling her it will be alright, but she pays him little attention. He doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve to follow her down this dark path. They fall asleep on the bed with her in his arms soaking up his warmth and scent… before dawn she has left. It was a mistake coming to find him… she knows that now.
XXXXXXX
Despite her protests Faith agreed to let me out the hospital and go back to Buffy's place. She knew how much it meant to me to help rather sit on the side lines. She may not like it, but she gave in because she loved me. My baby is going to have her own personal oral sex slave for weeks if we survive all of this.
They arrive back to find Buffy having just arrived back with the potential slayer girls after some bomb went off being all taking charge and bossy which was weird because Faith told me earlier that the group had banished Buffy and her leadership. Guess Buffy got over what was eating her up and came back stronger. Figures in all the time he had known her Buffy always tends to get all mopey and depressed before snapping out of it at the last second. She came back with some shiny new weapon. She said it was a Scythe though it looked more like an axe to me some flashy red to him. Faith confessed that she could feel it calling out to her. Must be a slayer thing. He smiled at her and told her she doesn't need some flashy weapon to kick ass.
So, we are back at casa Summers. Its all abit frantic with various injuries and bandages to hand out. Will and Giles are doing research as it seems the Scythe has opened up a new direction on the subject of the First Evil. But he managed to find time to get a one and one time with Buffy. It's funny he must have talked to all of them at some point: Willow, Giles, Dawn even that new guy Andrew but he never got round to talking to Buffy. But here they are stealing a moment together in the kitchen.
"Faith mentioned that you had been… kicked out earlier," he mentioned.
Buffy nodded awkwardly recalling the events around the gang telling her they would no longer follow her. "It was for the best; they did what they thought was right." She said rather emotionlessly. Xander didn't say anything in her defence but she also noted didn't even offer a joke. What had she been expecting? Good old Xander, grinning and laughing and making her feel better without even really trying? That Xander hadn't returned or had gotten lost on the highway. In his place was this new Xander. A Xander who seemed more confident and surer of himself. A Xander who would share smiles with Faith. Who was sharing a life with Faith. A life they had built together.
"But you're back now." Xander pointed out. "Back kicking ass and cutting grass." Buffy faintly smiled at that. Maybe there was a tiny bit of the old Xander still in this one. "So, what changed?"
Buffy bowed her head slightly before raising it again. "Spike found me."
Spike. Xander thought. Ah yes it appeared that Buffy and Spike were a thing… or had been a thing… or still were a thing… whatever there a thing about them now. Well, that was… hmmm how to describe it without vomiting? He wondered. He could barely tolerate the Buffy/Angel melodrama but the idea of there being a Buffy/Spike melodrama completely sickened him. "Spike huh?" Xander uttered. "Well good for him." He added bitterly and rather sarcastically.
Buffy looked harshly at his edgy tone. "You don't know anything so don't go making any judgements on me or my decisions." She said standing forward into his space.
"Judgements? Whatever would I make judgements when it comes to you and Spike?" Xander fired back. No one could mistake for him anything less than a teenager at this point.
"Who I sleep with is none of your business," she pointed getting into his face. Clearly, she had had this argument with pretty much everyone on the planet as it seemed she had little time for it.
"It used to be," He pointed out and then cursed closing his eyes. For all his talk of growth and how he have matured it's so easy for him to slip back to being a petty teenager again. It was all so different here now that he was back. Spike was chained to Giles's bathtub for one now he was the only one that Buffy lets near when she was down?! He ran a hand through his hair. Everything was a mess here. There are no answers, and none of the questions seem to make sense. He started to say something and then let it go, biting his tongue. Who am I to judge anymore? We aren't close friends not anymore and she is right I haven't been here for well over a year. "I'm sorry that was comment was uncalled for." He apologised.
Buffy nodded thanks and then there was a silence between them. It was a silence he had found himself experiencing a lot with the people here in this town. "Guess you're going tell me Spike is one giant mistake," Buffy said quietly after a few moments.
"The same way you told me Faith was a giant mistake," I replied softly. "There was a time I would have… I would probably said some horrible things about being with Spike and I am not going to lie that I am struggling to adjust to the idea of it." I frowned trying to get the image out of my head. "But I haven't been a part of your life for awhile now so… I don't think it gives me a massive right to be a jackass about it."
Who was this guy and what had he done with Xander? Buffy thought. "There were times when I envied you," she admitted looking ashamed. "Taking off, getting away from it all, not looking back." Curiosity had gotten the better of her at times so when she had studied how Willow did it, she too search the web and found images of Xander and Faith. Images of them being happy on top of some mountains. It made her almost sick to even think about it last year. That they were there living their life while she had been stuck in this one.
"It wasn't like that at all," Xander replied rather darkly. "You had all outgrew me and I… I had nothing here but a dead end in front of me."
"I know. I know that now… when I came back, I did some random jobs. Worked at a fast-food place… didn't like it that much." Buffy confessed and I found myself trying to picture Buffy in a fast-food uniform. Probably wasn't as sexy as it seems in my head.
"Buff," Xander began. "Whatever this thing you have had with Spike… or having." He swallowed hard. "I would say it is very typical of you." Buffy frowned and he could tell she was about raise her best armies expecting this to be an attack, so he quickly added. "You inspire people. Everyone around you. You inspire us to do better. Willow, Angel, Giles, myself and now I guess Spike. Being close to you, being a part of your life inspires the good in people."
Buffy looked close to tears looking at him. She then hugged him. It had been so long years even since they had shared a hug but right now, she was hugging him for all her worth… and he returned the hug like it was most natural thing in the world.
XXXXXXXXX
There she was. He had found her at last. Been searching for her for well over two weeks now. But he was sure it was her. She was the centre of attention to a group of guys no surprise there. She could get the blood flowing just by walking into a room. He had woken up weeks ago to find her gone. No note or message just an empty space where she used to sleep next to him. So, he had gone off to find her. Asked some truckers and some rest stops if they had seen her, and it had lead him to this seedy bar/trucker stop on the Canadian border.
One of the most annoying things about being so far up north was that the demons and vampires were few and far between what with most of the place being just endless trees and mountains. She wanted nothing more than to face down a horde of vampires but found nothing. So, she partied giving herself to the music, swapped a few dirty jokes with the other guys, swaying to the beats, knocking back shots and flirting with a few of the better-looking bikers she met but then she saw him looking at her. God why can't the idiot take a hint? Paying him no mind she grabbed the nearest trucker to her and stuck her tongue down his throat.
She was yanked away quickly by Xander who looked pissed as hell. "Hey get off!" She protested knocking his hand away as he tried to pull her away from the crowd.
"Faith you're coming with me!" Xander demanded as furious as he has ever been.
"Get lost kid!" The greasy trucker she had just been kissing earlier told Xander. "Go find one of your own. This one is mine." He yelled at him aggressively.
"Just get out of here Xander! Go home!" Faith yelled at him dismissively turning her back on him and grabbing another shot from the table nearest to her.
"No, I'm not leaving until you come with me!" Xander told her to which she rolled her eyes. God! If, I would have known what I was getting into when I invited Xander into my apartment that night, I would have saved myself the hassle!
"The girl told you boy," the trucker said pushing past Faith and getting in Xander's face. He was much bigger than Xander and was used to using his build to scare people. "I suggest you run to your mommy before I beat you black and blue."
Xander held his ground his jaw set firm. "I'm not going anywhere until she comes with me."
The trucker turned to his mates at the table who had been enjoying the show so far, eating up the stand off as if it were tonight's entertainment and laughed. "The kid's got some balls." Before turning back and punching Xander square in the face. Xander fell to for floor and the trucker just laughed harder thinking it that was that, turning around only to have a beer bottle smash powerfully across his face by Faith. He crashed into a nearby table knocked out cold. His friend's got up quickly but were stopped by Faith's punching the nearest one's head.
A standoff occurred with the truckers eyeing Faith warily, others in the bar stopped what they were doing and Faith coldly looking at them almost urging them to step forward. After a few moments she simply said, "don't follow me" to them, grabbed her coat and bag and walked away. Xander who had slowly been picking himself off the floor quickly followed her.
Outside the bar Faith was scowling and mad as she had ever been. "Nice job asshole that guy was my ticket across the border!" She cursed well aware that Xander was following her.
"Faith slow down!" Xander yelled moving after her. "Talk to me!" He uttered trying to keep up with her steady pace.
"There is nothing to say so why can't you get that through your thick skull!" Faith said not even bothering to turn around.
"You left! Just left in the morning! No note of anything!" He snapped as he jumped forward and grabbed hold of her shoulder, turning her around to face him.
"Don't touch me!" Faith backhanded his hand off her shoulder as she spun around to face him, hands up as she dropped back into a defensive stance. "Just keep your hands off of me!" She snarled at him before stopping slightly seeing his concern written all over his brown eyes. "Look just go away Xander! I don't need you away!"
Xander had a grim look on her face. "You don't need me? Have you looked in the mirror lately?" Pointing to her rather unkept appearance. "You're looking pretty stressed. I'm guessing by its appearance your hair hasn't been washed in days and by the bags under your eyes you haven't had a good night's sleep in days."
Faith's eyes narrowed and she dropped her bag to the floor crossing her arms against her chest. "Insulting me now Xander… that's not going to end well for you!"
Xander's eyes soften almost instantly seeing that she was not about to run off again. "Please talk to me… I deserve that at least."
What he deserved was a happy life with his friends and not to be dragged down in the mud like her, but the moron was too stupid to realise that. "Fine!" She hissed at him. "You want to talk we talk! You're nothing just a quick screw! A way of getting back at B and Red! You are nothing to no one and just a liability! So why don't you just get lost!" Faith ordered in rage at him.
"So, you travelled thousands of miles just to get back at Buffy?" Xander summarised calmly before adding. "Not a great plan."
"Fuck you," Faith spat at him.
"Hey you bitch!" A voice came from behind them. Faith and Xander both turned around quickly. Faith cursed inwardly. It was the trucker from before, his head now bleeding from the side where Faith had smashed the bottle over it and some of the other truckers walking up to him. All of them looking rather large and menacing. "You think you can get a lucky shot at me and just fuck off?!"
"Just get lost!" Faith said bored. The truckers didn't break a stride walking menacingly up to Xander and Faith. A couple were cracking their knuckles while the lead one pulled out a butterfly knife flipping it open.
"No way you owe me bitch once I'm done stabbing your friend to death, I'm having my way with you like it or not!" The lead trucker said raising his knife. Xander stared at it unsure what to do.
Faith however just glared at him before launching herself at the group wasting no time to slam a fist into the face of the lead trucker. A cracking sound was heard by all and blood exploded into the night air as his nose was crushed. He fell to the ground while Faith simply spun a kick at another sending him flying into the wall. She didn't even slow down as she dodged a blow and kicked out her latest attacker's knee. One of the truckers rushed forward to Xander but he met him halfway throwing a punch at the man's face. Stunned the man couldn't reacted as Xander threw another uppercut at the man who fell to his knees. Throwing all his weight behind another punch Xander's fist hit the man and he was on the ground unconscious.
Wincing at his now throbbing hand Xander turned around to see Faith having taken out all the rest of the group. Pick up the butterfly knife the lead trucker had dropped. Moving over to where he lay on the ground groaning, she grabbed him by the neck getting a moan of protest for her actions. "You think you can take me is that what you think?!" Faith swore at him holding up the knife in her other hand, showing it to the man. He didn't answer her, not for lack of trying. Her grip on his throat prevented a response.
"Faith leave him!" Xander protested rushing over. He attempted to pull her off the trucker, but she was too fast and strong for him. He cried out as he found himself against the hard concrete wall. She had the knife against his neck and was right in his face.
"You want to try me now? Finally grown a pair?" She demanded snarling in his face. Xander grimaced as he felt the blade against his skin. His eyes pleaded with her to stop.
"Or maybe you wanted another taste?" She whispered, seductively leaning against him. "Want me to make you scream again Xander?" She looked into his eyes and despite the fear she still saw it. His caring, his compassion, his warmth all for her. It was disgusting! She didn't deserve him. She was a killer. A screw up. A messed-up maniac. How could he even care for someone like her? It was beyond sick! The knife would pierce into him with absurd ease. This she knew from experience. Flesh was nothing. It would be easier than cutting into a steak. Then she wouldn't ever have to look into his eyes again.
"Don't you get it you dumb fuck!" She yells in anger holding him. "I'm evil! I'm bad! I'm evil! Do you hear me? I'm bad! Xander, I'm bad!" She begins to sob, grabbing a hold of Xander's shirt and shaking him. "I'm bad. Do you hear me? I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad."
The butterfly knife falls to the ground as she over balances them, and they sink to their knees Xander now hugging her and pulling her close to him. She is still sobbing against his chest. "Just walk away! Just leave me! I'm bad!"
Xander holds her close against him. He tries to calm her. Sooth her pain. "You're not going to destroy me because you are not a destroyer! I'm here and I'm not leaving you."
XXXXXXXXX
She finds him sharping his axe out the back. She had been busy with the potentials since they had returned but she wanted to catch a minute with her man.
"Hey there," She said, and he looked up smiling at her. "Heard you managed to chat to B." She sat down next to him.
"Yeah, we grabbed a few minutes," Xander said putting down his axe. "Seems to be back into a happier mode than the General act she had been doing."
"Glad something finally dragged the stick up her ass," Faith snorted but noticed Xander's flinch she decided to pursue it. "So, did you catch up on the gossip of her and Spike?" Faith teased.
His girl could push his buttons oh so well. "It came up… if I was a petty man," She coughed loudly, and he rolled his eyes. "Sorry a pettier man." She nodded. "I would bring up the time I once told her that a guys got to be undead to make time with her… but I didn't merely bit my tongue."
"Oh wow!" She replied voice dripping of sarcasm. "How big of you! I'm so proud of you!"
"Thank you so much," he shook his head at her antics. But sighed in pleasure as she rested her head on his shoulder. Kissing the top of her head he closed his eyes and focused on her. His Faith. He's not afraid of anything in the world except losing the happiness they've built together.