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Chapter 8 An unexpected visit

Arizona was at the apartment working on files. Tonight it is Callie who takes care of picking up their daughter from school, so she has

planned not to go out and take advantage of this time to progress in the project of the center. She is interrupted in her work by the

ringing of her phone, she smiled by discovering the photo of the contact.

- Hey Teddy I'm so happy to hear you, what's news in Germany?

- I'm not in Germany anymore. Actually, I came back to Seattle, apparently the day you moved to New York.

Teddy sounds worried, but in her frenzy to tell her friend about her new life, Arizona doesn't really notice that.

- Oh but it's such a shame! Why didn't you call me? I'd have tried to see you before I left. Yes I decided to join Callie, um ... well…finally... I mean it's for Sofia. She wasn't happy you know, she needed both her parents, so I moved out and she's doing great. But hey, tell me about yourself. Why did you come back to Seattle? I understood that with Owen...

- Uh well I don't ... I mean, …Anyway. Now I'm in New York.

- You are ...

- Arizona I need you

At this sentence, Arizona measures the gravity of the situation, Teddy's voice is quivering, shaken by the tears held back

Of course tell me where you are. I'll be right back!

Teddy was staying at the first hotel she found, she seemed a little lost. Her disappointment was immense when she arrived in Seattle thinking of announcing her pregnancy to Owen, only to realize that he was actually living a very ambiguous and rather complicated relationship, with Amelia, a baby and her mother Betsy. She had the feeling that, she and her unborn child had no place in that, and had taken a plane back to lay her head on her best friend's understanding shoulder.

- I actually didn't know where else to go, so I went to your house. I saw that it was for sale and at the hospital I was told that you had gone to New York. I was so happy that my ideal couple came back, I thought seeing a little happiness couldn't hurt me.

Arizona rolls her eyes

- Oh, we didn't find each other as found each other... Well, not like the ideal couple. I moved to Sofia, that's what she needed, you know?

- But with Callie, how's it going?

- It's great, she's great. She takes me until I find an apartment and it's... Uh... We're back to be friends and um ... accomplices too, you see! It's natural, spontaneous, funny, we laugh, we watch movies, we drink shots. I realized that we had done almost more since the crash, and it feels so good. Hey! You're coming to drink with us too! Oh shit no you can't, you're pregnant!

In front of Arizona's enthusiasm, Teddy hides a smile heard. She found on her best friend's face the spark that had has been missing for so many years. It once again exudes this contagious joy of life. She exclaims sarcastic

- I wanted you to follow my pregnancy, but on second thought, I don't know if it's a good idea, you seem a little out of control

- Hey I'm the best! I just haven't gotten used to my friend who's going to be a mom yet! Wow, that's good news, isn't it? Uh... It is?

Teddy nods her head, reassuring her friend

- So what do you want to do? Because Owen will have to tell him anyway?

- Of course but I just needed a little respite, to chat with my friend and I did well because I'm already better.

Arizona hugs her

- I warned you, I'm great as a friend! It seems that I am better as a friend than as a wife for that matter! Well, you're lucky, you're my friend. Teddy, you're not alone, okay?

Arizona had been busy all evening, listening to Teddy, comforting her, incidentally feeding her a bit and putting together an attack plan for the follow-up of her pregnancy. Time had passed faster than she had realized and she had not warned that she would come home late.

When she arrives in the apartment, she finds Callie sitting on the couch, a magazine in hand, which seemed to serve more as an accessory as well as a means of information, since she held it upside down.

- Are you not in bed?"

- No I was a little worried. You could warn when you have a date and you're not eating with us.

- Oh I'm sorry I couldn't...

- You couldn't take a second to text?

- I didn't think about it

Callie is surprised at Arizona's behavior it's not that she can have demands, Arizona is free, but still, she acts as if she were alone.

- Your daughter was worried, I couldn't tell her if you were going to kiss her before she fell asleep, and you didn't think about it? Okay

- Callie, I didn't realize the time I thought it was earlier

- Whatever! You're fine that's the point. I'm going to go to bed. Good night

She gets up leaving Arizona confused in the middle of the living room. She had expressed these words very quietly and the fact that

she didn't get into one of her memorable angers that Arizona had come to dread, because the words could be scathing and hurtful,

contributed to heightening Arizona's disorder.

Callie had changed, she was now managing the disagreements more calmly. At the end of their relationship she was scarred

psychologically, and all her reactions were disproportionate, often with the consequence of making everything worse. In response

Arizona had locked herself in her guilt, she often kept quiet the way she felt, and then, when it was more than she could bear, she

exploded suddenly, sometimes for a detail which had the consequence of making everything worse.

But in this case, Callie was right, obviously she should have warned her, phoned Sofia, they cared about her. She actually lost the habit

of someone worrying about her, but it's not like she's alone anymore. She becomes aware of this state of fact with a smile she muses : "I'm no longer alone"

Not wishing to stay on this bad step, and let anything spoil the relationship they were now able to build.

She approaches her ex-wife's room hesitantly and knocks gently at the door, waiting for an answer for the push. When Callie invites

her, she walks towards the bed, sitting shyly on the edge.

- You're right I should have called you. I'm sorry

- Yes but it was so good that you didn't see time pass and you didn't think...

Callie had uttered these words without the slightest irritation, without the slightest reproach, she was just a little sad.

Suspecting, the scenario she had had time to write in her head, and wishing to cut short her ramblings, Arizona hastened to clarify.

- No Callie, it wasn't "so good"! A friend needed me and it was urgent. She was desperate and I listened to her ...

- Anyway you have no account to turn me in and I have no right to be angry

While smiling at her, with infinite tenderness she pushes back a strand of hair from the brunette's face

- Indeed, you have no right to be angry, but you have the right to be a little upset anyway. So just for the record it was just a friend, not a date. And then it was very nice to worry about me.

- Do you already have friends here?

- Callie!

- I'm just asking! I know her? Is she a friend of YOU, or a friend of US?

- Callie!

- Arizona you can just tell me if I know her

She can be so childish and tenacious, she sounds like Sofia when she is denied candy before dinner, and like in Sofia, Arizona can't deny Callie anything.

- Okay, okay. So, you know her, she's OUR friend, but she made me promise not to tell you. Satisfied?

Callie does not hold back a great sigh of relief, which amuses Arizona, she pursues affectionately

- Anyway, it was very nice to worry about me, and I Thank you

- I do it all the time, I've always done it, finally... almost always.

-You shouldn't, you know I'm a big girl now ! she ironically assures, her famous smile on her face digging her dimples and giving her that irresistible charm.

The two women simply enjoyed in hearing "we" and "Ours" again in the discussion, as if the pieces of the puzzle were getting back in their places to rebuild an entity. During this exchange, unconsciously their bodies had come closer. Callie is still moving a little further, the space between their lips is now tiny, but she leaves it up to Arizona the choice to fill it. The blonde could not take her eyes off the mouth she loved so much, and without really realizing what she was doing, as if attracted by the strength of a magnet, she pressed her mouth against Callie's. This one, seeks to deepen the kiss she longed for and for so long, her hands already sliding on the sides of her ex-wife's torso. Suddenly recovering her spirits, Arizona moves away abruptly.

- No, no, no, no, no, Callie no, I'm sorry... don't

We can see all mixed misunderstanding, sadness, disappointment in Callie's eyes. She's backing down, bowing her head

- Sorry I thought... Sorry

- Oh Callie no, it's me... I'm the one who's sorry, it's my fault, but I can't, we can't, it's been too hard, it hurt too much, I ... I'm too scared

Upset Arizona rises to leave the room, but Callie grabs her wrist holding her back. She doesn't want any more evasions, she wants to face their feelings, she no longer wants to just dream her life, but she wants to give herself the means to realize her dreams and in her dreams there is always Arizona. So she's going to take a deep breath, put aside her ego, her self- esteem and with great courage she's going to expose her heart.

- Yes it was very hard, yes it hurt very much and I think you'll be surprised but it was not just for you Arizona. It's certainly not going to reassure you, but I'm very scared too. Fear doesn't prevent you from suffering Arizona, it just prevents you from living. I love you, I don't want to miss out on my life, because I'm afraid.

Arizona has been expressing aloud the anxieties that have been spinning in her head for weeks.

- I'm not the same anymore Callie, maybe you like the other Arizona, not the one I've become? And what, if it doesn't work again! I will not recover, Sofia will be disturbed again and ...

- Really, you think I'm the same one you kissed in Jo's bathroom? Do you think I've went through all of this, without being impacted? You changed me Arizona! Life changed me, my mother's rejection, Marc's death, all the dramas, each of our separations changed me! Being a mother has changed me and certainly other events will change me again. Everyone changes all the time.

- I know all of that Callie, but... but when I'm with you I'm weak, vulnerable. I have ... I feel like if you ask me to jump off a bridge and swim, I'll just ask you how far. It terrifies me!

Callie can't help but smile at the choice of metaphor, even in the most tense discussions, Arizona moves her, touches and amuses her at the same time, she loves everything about this woman, her strength and fragility, her courage and her fears, all her inconsistencies she loves them.

- So, you still trust me a little bit? I love you Arizona, I love the human being you are, I love you when you are so moved that you babble, I love when you struggle to hide your weaknesses and I like to believe, that even if it's only half-words I'm the one you can confess them , I love you when you want to be so right that you abuse unlikely metaphors to convince me. I love you when you get up in the morning, your hair gets flushed and you rub your eyes like a squirrel to get out of sleep. I love you when you look at our daughter as if you wanted to burn her image forever in your memory. I love you Arizona all the time. And I also like that sad look you give me from time to time, which makes me think that maybe, maybe you love me too, but you just don't want to allow it anymore.

Arizona looks at her intensely, a resigned smile on her lips. Without a word she stands up to get out of the room, sighing and nodding with their heads overwhelmed by grief.

- This time It's me who asking you

Arizona stops without turning around to listen to Callie, tears now flow down her face.

- Another chance. That's just what I'm asking for. Another chance. I'll always ask you if you'd like to jump off the bridge and swim, and above all, I'll jump with you and swim by your side. But please give us another chance.


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