Disclaimer. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion

OK guys I feel that getting Eliza in, has pissed off some of you. It's really nice how invested you are in this story, I love it anyway. Thanks for reading me and staying with me. All opinions are welcome. This chapter has been very long and very difficult for me to translate , I thought I 'll ever see the end ,so I hope there is not too much errors . In advance, sorry for it.

Chapter 14 " Reality always finds a way of creeping "

A few hours later, Callie returns home. The evening was a great success, but something prevents her from enjoying what should have been her victory. She wasn't gonna lie to herself , she knows perfectly well, why she was hurting, the reason for being unwell. Arizona was gone with that woman and to say that she was upset, was an understatement. She had hoped to see her reappear during the reception, after she drop off Sofia, but she hadn't come back, perhaps, had she preferred to spend time with her former love conquest? and maybe even... It is obsessed with this image that swirls in her head, that she sees the open door of the guest room occupied by Arizona and where they had spent last night snuggled together, she's walking forward, and at the sight of the empty room, everything lights up. She collapses, nothing had changed, why did she consider that they might have another chance? It will always be the same, gentleness will always be follow by the violence of pain as strong much as she loves Arizona she must resign herself, this relationship is toxic.

On her side after driving her daughter to Judith's for the night, Arizona didn't know what to do. She had observed Callie's reaction and this, had revived mortifying memories. She had deliberately fled the party under Sofia's alibi. It was certainly not the right reaction, she should have faced Callie, or even reassured her, explained to her who Eliza was, but here is, as soon as she gets tricky, she's lost, she misjudges the situation, she panics and she flees. It's the very typical Arizona not in her best moment nevertheless. But still Callie's exaggerating. She has no right to reproach her for a relationship when she had left her, they were divorced and she was gone to New York! What did she think she was going to let herself die? She had spent enough time waiting for her, to no avail... Callie's reaction was unwarranted, absolutely unacceptable. Arizona she was losing her temper alone , but deep inside her, she knew why Callie reacted in this way. As a jealous first category in their relationship, she could even understand it.

She cheated on her with Lauren and it wiped her. This survival relationship she had with Murphy, even though they were apart, had terribly hurt her, disappointed her too. In reality Callie had never recovered from it and by her selfish behavior, Arizona had ruined her wife's unfailing esteem that she felt for her. Callie had never been able to forgive, and would certainly never forgive her. In court, for Sofia's custody she'd even let her lawyer insinuate that she was some kind of sex crazed. She thought this cheap shot was some kind of revenge from her ex-wife.

At this thought tears escaped in spite of herself, with a furious gesture she wipes them, she wants to put an end to this story ,she can't keep blaming herself, all of that devastated her too. It will always be the same, nothing had changed, it will always end in pain, and tears, in all her existence, no one has ever made her cry as much as Calliope Torres. She was in her car parked in a parking lot for hours, remembering her life, when she realized it was 2 o'clock in the morning.

As she enters the apartment taking care not to make any noise, she finds Callie asleep on the couch. On the ground, the empty bottle of Tequila testifies to the evening the brunette spent. She hates the idea of Callie drinking when she's sad, and she hates even more, being the cause of that. She takes a blanket and puts it on her, fondly passing hands in black hair whispers while sighing

"You're going to drive me crazy Calliope Torres"

In the morning when Callie meets her in the mirror she looks like, a Picasso painting. In response to grief she put herself head upside down with Tequila. At her age it would be time for her to show a little more maturity, to learn to manage her emotions otherwise. Her skull is so sore that she feels like she is hit by a train every time she was moving her head. She's desperately looking for an aspirin when she sees at the end of the corridor, Arizona handing her a glass of water and the coveted medicine

- Is that what you're looking for?" I mean, I think you're gonna need it anyway.

Callie surprise and somewhat grumpy takes the drug gently tense

- Thank you . Did you sleep here finally?

- Of course I do! Where do you want me to sleep? Look, we'll have to pick up Sofia in the middle of the afternoon, but I think you're going to need to recover, I can handle it.

Arizona's strategy to hijack the conversation, is failing. Callie resumes the provocation even though she knows perfectly how it can sadly end.

-Your night ended well with your ex-acquaintance, or... girlfriend, or quickie on call room, hard to know with you!

- Wow, very elegant Callie, I see that you still have an extremely rewarding image of me. I 'm gonna pretend that these words were only related to the alcohol fumes that you apparently abused last night.

She said uttered these words with tears in her eyes that she no longer knew was due to the anger or pain she felt. Arizona has always had a liberated sexuality, she never hid from it, she's never been ashamed of it, there was even a time when she was pretty proud of it. But Callie's reproaches, are for her another level, they will always relate to the loss of confidence, the esteem and finally the love of her ex-wife, they will always come back her of her mistakes, her guilt. For now, she has heard enough, she no longer wants to suffer the humiliations, the reproaches, she joins her room with the firm intention of taking a shower, dressing and leaving the apartment to avoid the confrontation that clearly Callie is looking for.

Callie did not move, stunned to have been able to utter these words. But how dare she said that ? But what was wrong with her? She has no right to be jealous , Arizona hasn't been her wife for years, and she just has to blame herself for it.

Considering that the only thing to do is to apologize immediately, she enters the Arizona room forgetting in her eagerness to announce herself, she discovers the blonde half undressed, flabbergasted, to see Callie in the middle of her room.

- Callie shit!

The woman immediately turning back replies to the blonde, looking jaded

- Yes, I'm sorry! It's not like I've never seen you before

- But still ... Callie, ignoring the protests interrupts her

- Arizona listens to me! I'm sorry, really, really sorry I ... I had no right... it's not fair, I'm no fair. But it's just… I was hoping that we would spend the night together you see. Without you I would never have had the courage to do it, and I would have wanted you to be there, by my side, until the end. When I saw the way this woman was looking at you, the tears started flowing in spite of her, I understood that I was in danger one more time , that... that it was happening again...

Arizona, sensing the sobs in Callie's voice, had turned her over to face her. She hugged her tenderly, she wiped her tears, she could never bear to see Callie sad and even less crying

- Hey, hey stop, stop. What danger is Callie? What's happening again?

- I'm going to lose you again, I'm always losing you. But I know , I know it's none of my business now

- Yet, It is. shrugging her shoulders she says it in a low voice for herself, without Callie been able to heard it

Callie, look at me, Eliza is just a ghost, she ghosts to me !

- What?

- Thanks god, you don't know what it means too, I'm not the only one who's aged

Callie somewhat disconcerted by Arizona's ramblings, raises an interrogator eyebrow

- Can you tell me the beginning of the film because I don't understand it anymore

- It doesn't matter at all. In any case I wasn't with the doctor Minnick last night

- But where were you then?

- In a parking lot! Arizona accompanies these words with a dismayed little mine by the banality of the place, the ridiculousness of the situation.

- Where?

- I spent the night in a parking lot! Alone, in my car

- But what were you doing in a parking lot!

- I was thinking

- Do you need a parking lot to think ?

Arizona smiles at the childish remark, she sits on the bed, letting out a deep sigh, which reflected all the tensions, the emotions, the feelings that run around in her tortured mind

- Only when I don't know what to do, or where to go... You were obviously very angry and I didn't want that, I don't want that anymore, Callie. I don't want to let you treat me like that anymore, I don't want to fight with you anymore. I cheated on you and you will never accept it, it will never pass because you never wanted to talk about it. You decided, on your own, why I made this mistake, but you have never, ever allowed me to explain. I respected it, because I could see that you couldn't bear to think about it, and maybe I couldn't either. But it was always there between us like a latent virus, always ready to trigger the infection. And it still is. I spent years keeping my mouth shut because I was ashamed of what I had done, of the harm I had done to you, and I would have accepted anything to make you forgive me. But I can't keep up with yours outbursts of anger on a regular basis.. You can't call me a nymphomaniac every time you're scared, you're jealous or upset. I paid this mistake the high price, believe me, I hated myself so much and for so long, I don't want to feel guilty anymore, I can't anymore Callie

All these feelings buried in her for so long were delivered, in one breath, with the utmost sincerity, as if everything had to be evacuated once and for all. Callie had listened to her, without taking her eyes off her, submerged by a desire she could no longer control, she takes the blonde's face in her hands and kisses her passionately, it's almost violent. Arizona can't find the strength to resist. Callie walking her hands on her bare chest, moaning at the newfound feeling of the softness of Arizona's skin, she ventured to the places she knew that she reacted, as if despite the years she had kept everything in memory.

- Calliope, I... I think that we don't ... She tries a weak protest but she abandons herself in a groan, leaving her invaded by the desire so long repressed. She never knew how to resist the Latin woman, who hugs her more strongly kissing her with enthusiasm

- Say something to stop me now, otherwise in a second and a half I won't be able to do it anymore?

In response Arizona presses her lips against that of Callie deepening their kiss, meaning that for her the second and a half has already passed. They unite tenderly, regaining that perfect moment that none of them had forgotten. Exhausted by so many emotions they doze off for a while, their naked bodies entwined.

When Callie opens her eyes, Arizona stares at the ceiling, totally absorbed in her thoughts. She knows that nothing is settled and that even if she dreamed of such a moment, for years, it would complicate everything. She is not fooled, Callie has dodged discussion with sex.

It was a method that they abused during their marriage, whenever there was a problem. It is true that on this ground at least, they had always been in perfect harmony. They were definitely falling back into all their troubles, it couldn't work. As her negative thoughts hover in her head, Callie stand up to capture the anxious gaze of her ex-wife.

- I think I can now!

Face the Arizona's questioning look she repeats

- I think I'm ready to listen to you now

- Pardon? Listen to me on what?

- This is the perfect time to end the conversation we had, just before I had an irresistible desire to make love with my Ex-wife.

She ironically insists again on The Ex, referring to the scene of the previous day the night before

- Yes I'm sorry, it was silly I shouldn't have raised it, but I don't know why ... I was uncomfortable, there was you and Eliza it was tricky. I said that without thinking. You know my humor sucks pretty bad, especially when I panic.

- It was even more silly of me to offend

- It is true that you are so picky sometimes! Jokes Arizona

- Arizona! You said I never let you explain yourself, but it seems that you're the one who avoids it.

"No, no, no, no, no! Well I mean, yes. Eurr... It's hard!

- What can I do to help?

- Nothing… Hum… finally though, listen to me and please don't interrupt me.

- My lips are sealed, I swear retorts Callie, walking her hand with a tender gesture on Arizona's arm to hearten her

- When I found myself amputee, you know how horrible it was?

- Uh, have I to answer or not interrupt you ?

- Callie!

Callie resumes affectionately

- Sorry, yes, I know how hard it was, every second of every day.

- Physical pain frankly is nothing compared to psychological harm. I'd always been a pretty, successful girl. Before I met you, I used to flirt in gay bars and I always came home with the girl I wanted...

- Hum well, maybe could you shorten this part? ...

Arizona concentrated as if of the choice of words her life depended on, doesn't even raise the sarcasm of the Latina.

- Seriously, I practically assaulted you in the bathroom of a bar when I didn't know you. I had never had to deal with failure. I had successfully completed my studies, everything I did was easy for me. And suddenly I wake up disabled, Di Sa Bled Callie!

She utters her words insisting on the enormity of this topic as if it still seemed unbelievable to her.

- My body was irretrievably crippled. Before that, I trusted on myself, in my seductive power I was mischievous and playful and always cheerful, but when I lost my leg, I also lost all of that, everything that was me. I got lost. You had fallen in love with me before, you had loved what I was no longer, and that I thought I could never be again. You married a woman but you were living with someone else. You were so devoted, so kind, you were trying to bring me back and I'm sure without you, I'd be dead, but I always felt like you wanted me back, you wanted to fix me so I could be the same, the old one again.

She paused to pull herself together, Callie kept her head down, not to react, she was listening to the description of the most heartbreaking of her life, but seen through Arizona's pain. She knew it was necessary if she wanted to have a chance and at this moment, Callie wanted it more than anything.

- I thought that never again, you could not satisfy yourself with the one I had become. I hated my body, I could not imagine that you could love it. I couldn't take it out of my mind, that it wasn't why you signed for. But you have such a sense of duty, such values, you are so loyal that you felt compelled to stay. This pity made me so miserable, so angry. I no longer had any confidence or esteem in me. We had just lost the baby, we were not able to handle yet another pain, another drama together. I felt lonely, I felt that everything I approached ended in disaster. It was so dark in my mind

When a woman wanted me as I was, even with one leg, I thought I was saved, it made me feel like before, like I saw myself in your eyes before, I mixed everything Callie. I just wanted to stop hurting, being afraid, for a moment. Everything was so confused in me. I regretted it immediately, because I loved you, I knew it, I was sure. But why it had happened, why I gave in to this impulse urge, at that time I did not understand it. It wasn't me, I lost myself Callie. In the end everything was worse, I hated myself even more for what I had done and for the harm I was doing to you. In addition to being disabled I was the monstrous cheater, who slept with the nearest, who cheated on her loving and devoted wife. You'll never know how sorry I am for breaking us.

The evocation of these memories so oft-repeated and regretted make her collapse in tears. She would have liked to be stronger, but apparently it was still an open wound for Arizona.

Callie takes her in her arms, cradling her, like a new born. She can't bear to see her like that, she would give anything to make her pain go away. Arizona cried for a long time on Callie's chest, whose protective arms around her. Her body gently relaxed under the tender caresses. She raises her head in order to resume, Callie tries to reassure her

- My love it is too hard, you don't have to. I promise you, I have forgiven you, you have to forgive yourself now

She fondly rubbed her back to calm the sobs, Arizona wanted to express all that she had kept in her, during years, let out the demons

- I'd still like to tell you too, but... I don't know if you can hear it

With the eyes, Callie encourages her to free herself

- When Lauren flirted with me, I thought about you all the time, and I swear, I swear I refused her advances. I told her that I was married and that I loved you, but I think she had felt the flaw. She pushed, pushed until I gave in. She said me I had the right to lose control. Really, it was all I needed, to stop controlling everything, to hide the pains of the ghost limb at home, at work, during the day, the night, to stop hiding everything I felt, to try to be normal despite everything ,to be the mother that Sofia deserved, to become your wife again, you need it so much, the super gifted surgeon I was. I'm not trying to clear myself of any responsibility, but I never understood why. Why did she do that, I mean, she must have realized that I was vulnerable! Who does that? I don't know if it was a game for her...

- May be a bitch. Yes, I think the doctor Boswell was a bitch and I was an idiot blinded by my own pain and my oversized ego. I should have seen that you were also hurt, I should not have pushed you so much

Although she is still deeply disturbed by the evocation of the scene, Callie measures how much Arizona had stopped loving herself at that time and how lonely and hard the path had been. It had totally escaped her she had been impatient and pressured her to come back into life. She blamed her for her selfishness, when Arizona was making every effort, out of love for her and for Sofia, for their families. She had only pushed her in instead of helping her, she was a doctor and had not even become aware that she was suffering from S.S.P.T. Really the wrongs are never one-sided. She comes out of her self-flagellation, to reassure the distraught blonde woman.

- A game? Why would you want it to be a game? Arizona, she wanted you. Because you're very desirable believe me. You are a beautiful woman, you are a beautiful person, you are the sweetest kindest surgeon I know, you are brilliant, everything you do, you succeed, you have the most beautiful eyes on earth and you kept a child's smile, and then many other things that my natural decency, forbids me to express aloud

She adds these last words in the tone of the joke wishing to de-dramatize the situation.

- She fell for you, Arizona, because everyone loves you, and that's why I can be so stupid with jealousy, because for me you were and you're still beautiful. I swear, I swear, I still couldn't believe that woman as beautiful, as strong, as brilliant was my wife, one or two legs never changed that. Could you finally understand the love I had for you was really above that.

Arizona gives her a sweet kiss, as if she still needed to hear it to convince herself that she was sufficient even for Calliope Torres and silence this insecurity forever

- I suspect you, however, not being very objective

- You may be right there is a conflict of interest because I love you.

Arizona closes her eyes for a few seconds so these words as sweet as they may seem, hurt her. Callie calls her my love, she tells her that she loves her, but until when. She cannot forget that one day Calliope Torres wanted to feel free, had stopped loving her and she was living the perfect great love with the perfect Penny, and she, had suffered so, so much.

Thank you for reading