Disclaimer. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion

I'm sorry for the delay, but it was still a very long and very difficult chapter to translate. I don't know why,, it's harder for me right now.I hope it's easier to read. Thanks for reviews and followers and addition in favorite

Chapter 16 "I know when you're pretending to sleep"

Arizona evening was entirely occupied by Sofia, she felt the need to hug her, to give her, a long hug before put her in bed, she senses that the truce is already over. Definitely happiness is short-lived for Arizona Robbins.

She lies down in bed unable to find sleep. She is worried about Callie who has not yet returned. She regrets to be pretty harsh to Callie she didn't want things to get so bad. It must be admitted that they have still not changed, they have clashed as before, unable to listen to each other, to cool off and find common ground. She kept pointing fingers at each other, as at worst time of their relationship. She, usually so calm, ended always to lost her mind. Everything was becoming irrational, paroxystic, excessive. What made Arizona so confused was that she never had this way of working with anyone else. No one could make her as furious as Calliope Torres

It made sense no one else could hurt her as much as Callie, because you can only be hurt by the people you love and if it's proportional to love, so she had to face the obvious, she loved Callie more than anything. This thought, which was not, however, a revelation for her, made her tenderly smile. Was she going to continue to fight indefinitely against her feeling? Can we really get away from such love? Is it right to let it escape simply for fear of suffering? No one said happiness was easy and she, Arizona Robbins, the colonel's daughter, wanted to desert without fighting.

She was at this point in her reasoning, when she heard the front door closing and Callie's footsteps stopping in front of the door to her room. She feels unable to take on another fight, so she decides to turn her back on the door, to close her eyes, to put herself in a fœtal position as to protect herself from a new conflict. But the door opens and Callie comes home slowly

-Arizona, are you sleeping?

In view of Arizona's silence she gets closer, lies at her side, sticks her torso against the back of the still motionless blonde and passes her arms around her waist. Arizona holds a shudder at this once familiar gesture.

-I know when you're not sleeping, you forget that I slept with you for years and I know perfectly when you're pretending to sleep. I've always known, if you know what I mean.

She refers to the many months during which Arizona, traumatized, not accepting her body and unable to offer it to Callie, had abused this subterfuge. She continues in a tender lying voice

-Well if you don't want to talk to me it doesn't matter, I just wanted you to listen to me without interrupting, and without moving, you see? Like I did last time

Arizona reassured by the calm tone, retorts without moving from her position

-Ok, but first know that, I could never, ever forget a single minute of the years you slept with me, second you could move the other day!

- Hum! you're enough reactive for a sleeping person

- I thought we proceed on the basis, you knew when I wasn't really sleeping Arizona replies with a smile

Callie resumes gravely, seeking her words to be corrects

- I understand that you have doubts, I also understand that you no longer trust me, my feelings and that you are afraid. I am even more sorry, because love is really not involved in this, I know it will probably take you a while to believe that, Arizona, I've never loved anyone the way I've loved you, the way I love.

But couple therapy didn't solve anything, it just highlighted all our problems, it was violent Arizona.
You charged me with so many things. You said, I took all the decisions for you, I didn't let you express yourself , that I gave you things you didn't ask for, that I had imposed Sofia on you. You offered a six-month break! I really felt like I had fought in vain for years, that I wasn't bringing you anything you wanted and that whatever I did, it would not work. I felt once again, like the day of your amputation, like the day we lost the baby, or the day I learned that I will no longer be able to be pregnant: helpless, useless, incompetent, insufficient. It was those feelings that was suffocating me, that slowly killing me and all of this sounded like I was suffocating you too

You wanted to do your certification in fetal surgery and I knew that you had to achieve something, without me. You needed this thing to have a chance to really rebuild yourself, to love yourself again, you really needed to be proud of yourself again, but it was vital that I found myself too. You were broken, but I was too Arizona

She took a deep breath before continuing, Arizona still hasn't moved or expressed anything

Let's face it, Arizona together we couldn't do it anymore, there was always something to pull us back. One of us must have had the courage to take on failure, and I did, for both, as much for me as for you

And I'll give you that, regarding the way, it was not my best time, but is there a good way to leave someone you love so much?

And I know, I know, I hurt you so much, but you have no idea how bad I've had.

I might have had to fight again, but I don't think we would have made it. How could two people, each carrying so much unhappiness within themselves, come to be happy together? It was not possible to heal.

But now that I have understood all this, I want to show you that I'm not immature, that this is not a fad, that you can trust me. I will not give up, I will patiently wait for your doubts to disappear, for you to no longer be afraid, we will do at your own pace, but I want you to know that I am waiting for you. Because I have healed, because I see in your smile that goes up to your eyes, that you too have healed and because I know very well who you are to me and above all I clearly know who I want you to become again.

She lays a kiss in Arizona's neck, releases her embrace and gets up to leave the room before adding

- Without you, my life doesn't make sense either, Arizona

Arizona doesn't move, curled up in bed, she cries in silence, tearing away all the emotions she had kept inside throughout Callie's speech. Everything was said. She had nothing to add. Callie had analyzed their history, their pain, their situation with such accuracy that she imagined that she had to think about it a lot. If she had done it, so it was that their relationship was important to her, it meant a lot to her.

She had never seen it in this light, she had finally persuaded herself that Callie had swept away their love with a wave of the hand.

That the famous passion had been only one-sided, and that Calliope Torres had an artichoke heart from which she distributed a leaf to anyone who wanted it.

Yet what Callie had said tonight was anything but immature, she was still the one she had loved, loved and would always love :

Strong - Caring and Honorable.

It was time for her to get to the bottom to be clear, oh not about her feelings, she knows that she had never stopped loving Callie since their first when she would have wanted it she had never been able to stop loving her and had never really managed to get past their story despite the separations, the humiliations, the court and even the departure to New York with Penny and Sofia. She had forgiven Callie for a long time, she was just scared, because between them, things quickly got out of control, in front of this woman she could be frightened like a doe blinded by the headlights of a car.

She had to admit that she was totally driven by her fears since she arrived in New York, and to think about it she had often done it in her life and it, had often led her to the wrong place, to make the wrong decision and to mess in her life.

When she lost her brother Tim, her world collapsed. She never wanted to love again, to get involved in a relationship, she never wanted to need someone again to avoid the immeasurable suffering of loss. That's why she decided she wouldn't have children and that she'd collect flirtation with no consequences. Then she met Calliope, she turned everything upside down in her life, she was an attraction impossible to resist, she made all her resolutions fly in thousands of shards of glass, so she loved her with her whole being, but with fear in her stomach, fear of everything but above all, she was terrified of losing her.

Any sign of trouble, she imagined that she was going to break up with her, she remembers amused the scene she made after the night in the french very expensive restaurant, assuring to Callie that if she was bored with her, it was necessary to say because there were girls lining up for her.

From the beginning, their relationship had been staked, endangered and then destroyed in part, by her insecurities.

She had also boarded that fucking plane on an impulse, because, once again, she was fleeing the loss, the loss of Nick her childhood friend, the loss of Alex in whom she invested so much and who wanted to leave for Hopkins. That escape had cost her a leg and much more. After the amputation this feeling had increased tenfold and her horrific actions always engendered by the self -destructive fear of losing Callie had led her exactly to what she feared, to separation and loss: the loss of her wife, her family.

This sounds like a revelation in her mind, Arizona had always fled to avoid losing and, at last, she had always lost what was her highest fortune of the world. Her fear of loss systematically led her to what terrified her: loss.

Since she arrived in New York, she kept running away and she was going to lose the woman of her life, the love of her life, the one who was ready willing to give them another chance, the one who had also made the way back to her.

She knew exactly what she wanted, she had dreamed it for so many sleepless nights, for years. She wanted her life back, the one that made her happy, and now the ball was in her court, if she didn't go looking for it, her happiness would disappear forever, it seems just at hand. It need just a bit of courage and jump off the bridge trusting the beautiful brunette who had invaded her being for years

After long minutes of meditation, trying to overcome the emotion that upset her, Arizona rises from her bed. Without really having decided, she finds herself in front of the ajar door of Callie's room, the light is off. She slowly moves towards the bottom of the bed, delicately lifts the blankets to sneak inside and gently lifts up against Callie's body, her lips stopping on sensitive places, causing the brunette to shiver.

Callie whispers in a trembling voice:

- Arizona? What are you doing?

Arizona tenderly whispers a smile on her face

- Shut up! don't interrupt me and don't move

-Hum but ... I want to move

Smiling at the remark, she puts her lips on those of the brunette silencing her in a languid kiss, and makes love to her. It was not this crazy and disorderly desire responding to long repressed frustrations, that she felt the first time they united again. It was tender,slowly, incredibly strong and intimate, without a word, attentive to the Callie 's desire and pleasure, Arizona regains possession of her ex-wife's body, showing her that way, she was here, and he was definitely returned to their love story.

When she lets a last groan escape, she keeps her in her arms, enjoying the Latina's exhilarating fragrance, who gently resumes a calm breath. A playful smile drawn on her face, plunging into the black eyes, she whispers to her

- Maybe my pace is a bit too fast for you? I know we didn't follow the 3-dates rule, but being married should allow us to skip certain steps. What do you think about it?

Callie pinning the blonde to the mattress so that she is on top of her, blows up laughing.

-Absolutely Doctor Robbins I fully support your way of thinking,

They unite again passionately.

They were dozing off in each other's arms, exhausted by that emotionally charged night, when, appreciating the feeling of security, that the contact of her ex-wife's body has always provided her, Arizona huddled closer in the Latin body, declares

- Callie!

- Humm

- I really wanted another child with you, I really wanted to give you what you wanted, and I really wanted too

- I know baby, I'm sorry

As invigorated by the latina's reaction, Arizona rises into bed, positions herself on Callie leaning on her two elbows on both sides of the woman, plunging into the surprised black look and with a huge smile, she takes the plunge

--So … I know, I know … now you're gonna think I'm super, super, super, too fast or some kind of Bi-Polar patient but ... uh I wish we had another child.

-What ?

With a charming smile digging her two dimples and a shyness reading in her eyes Arizona begs

-Could we go back to where we were before all went wrong.

I want a baby with you, I promised you 10 children, we're already way behind schedule

Callie is laughing

-Seriously, Arizona for the ten children I gladly release you from your promise, let's start with one more already.

-So it's yes? Do you agree? Would you like a baby with me? exclaims the blonde filled with joy

-Of course I do! I always wanted it

They embrace each other laughing, kissing wildly. The moment of euphoria passed Arizona announces firmly.

-I want to carry our child

- Arizona, are you sure? You never wanted to, you don't have to

-Hey I'm sure and then I actually wanted to.

Taken aback, Callie doesn't hide a dubious pout.

-You had taken care of me so long, I wish it was a bit the opposite, that you were my princess for 9 months, and then everything went on, nothing worked as I would have liked...

- Shh, shh, let's forget it Callie hastens to put an end to her thoughts that could well end with one of her famous verbal marathon

-But would you like me to carry him?

-If you want to, I'll be happy!

-But you'll still be fine? Since you can't... You know

- Arizona, I carried Sofia and it was great and frankly, I took advantage of you during that time. I think I was driving you crazy, your turn to enjoy. Wow, I can't wait to see you pregnant! and I confess to also enjoying a bit of the hormone effect supporting her words with a naughty wink

-Yes, I do too! I think I'm going to like it! Being pregnant I mean, though, the hormone effect tempts me well too

She said with a kinky smile, then recasting, her face worried she reflects and announces

- Don't tell Sofia anything

- About hormones? Yes I agree she seems a little young to have this kind of conversation with her

Arizona stifles a laugh

- Callie! I mean, as long as we're not sure, um….Look let's not before the ... 16th week, you see just in case. So she's not disappointed, you know?

- Uh Arizona slow down! you're not pregnant yet. About Sofia we should first talk to her about us. How do you want to do that? Do you want to wait? Do you want to do it alone or together? Unless you want to talk first about another apartment she might live in part-time?

Arizona banging her arm laughing at Callie's mockery in a perfect mimicry of her own speech a few hours earlier, announces as if it were a no-brainer.

- An apartment? What apartment? Calliope! We're going to have another child, it's not time to procrastinate, we'll talk to her tomorrow.

- Ah OKay!

For a second, an expression of doubt passes over Callie's face, it looks too good to be true, Arizona has changed so much, she regained that contagious enthusiasm, that taste of life. Is it real? This does not escape the other woman who knows by heart the full range of emotions of her ex.

" No, I'm sorry, I'm on fire, am I? You'd rather wait, I understand. We're going to ...

- No, no Arizona is not that! I'm delighted, but it's that sometimes you're a little hard to follow... But I love it, I missed that part of you so much. We'll talk to our daughter tomorrow night, we're going to have another baby because we're confident and this time it's the last new start

- Yes, the last new start.

Repeat Arizona's super magic smile stuck to her face

- Do you think I can stay and sleep with you? showing her seductive child mimic that she knows to be irresistible

- But you MUST! stay with me requires Callie by locking her in her arms, and tomorrow morning you will hide in your bed. You wouldn't want to traumatize your poor little girl!

Arizona shrugs her shoulders at Callie's teasing that which has always found her hyper protective of Sofia. She holds against Callie's back, nose in her neck, in the position of the big spoon but is constantly restless. After a few minutes she mumbles

- Are you sleeping?

-I'd love to, but I have like a little worm next to me that keeps gesticulating

-I'm sorry to keep you from sleeping, but I have one more thing to say to you

-What's going on? Callie, turns with a quick gesture to face the blonde You changed your mind?

- But no! How can you ...? Anyway. Actually, I'd like to carry your child

- Yes we just talked about it, I'm okay Arizona, you'll carry our child

- No, you don't understand. Sofia is wonderful she got your eyes, your hair, she is stubborn, passionate like you, I want to have a mini Sofia or a mini you in my belly

Callie opening funny googly eyes and not seeing at all, where the blond is coming from.

- I'm afraid even mini! We can't get in, it will run out of room there

Arizona ignores ridiculous objections and persists

-I've done some research and it can work! Look, well, you can't carry a child, okay, but you can ovulate.

Face Callie's perplexed gaze she explains slightly embarrassed

- Uh...Okay... I took a look at your medical records in Seattle

She brushes off Callie's disapproval with a gesture, which she urges.

- Don't look at me like that! it's not like I've broken a million Washington state laws. You were my wife, and I'm a doctor I didn't really violate medical confidentiality!

So, I was saying That I'm going to be somehow your surrogate mother, except it's going to be a little bit of both, your DNA, my uterus.

Callie seems skeptical and a little disappointed, but a silly smile doesn't leave her face in front of the craze and confidence displayed in Arizona.

- But I was already imagining a mini you in my arms, I'll wish he had your eyes and your little dimples that make me crack.

Arizona scratches her head for a minute and suddenly announces

- Okayyy! then I.V.F. with a Torres egg and a Robbins egg

Callie explodes with laughter

- Nonsense! Euh… Do you think it's possible?

- Are you kidding me Dr. Torres ! You have in your arms, the rising star of fetal surgery

- Yes, naked in addition...

Callie plays pride, they laugh together but suddenly a question crosses the spirit of Latin.

- But about this research you did it when exactly?

- I remind you, that I spent several months alone in Seattle, so I had time

She uttered her words in a sigh to make this dark period of her life disappear once and for all, and adds in a low voice

- And also I needed a little hope and a lot of dreams to help me hold

Callie kisses her passionately, on reflection they could only find each other. Her place was nowhere else but in the arms of this blonde woman, to whom nothing and no one seemed to be able to resist. Her Arizona was back. Falling asleep she whispering in her ear.

- It's going to work and we're going to be a great family

Arizona that had not parted with her smile repeats

- It's going to work and we're going to be a great family.

She feels a compelling need to add to the woman who is already sleeping by her side

- I love you, I love you so much Calliope

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