Ch 17 | Decisions, decisions.

Pain awoke him. Right on his left thigh, he couldn't move his leg without pain. He let out a strangled growl, his mouth felt like sand and his head throbbed with each pump of his heart.

There was little light around, he couldn't catch where he was, and could barely open his eyes without feeling an acute headache.

He felt the soft breeze of the sea on his face -it annoyed him- making him turn his face in the opposite direction. The movement made him groan in pain again.

He tried opening his eyes one more time, trying to see where the hell he was. He thought he saw an oil painting. The mystique aura of the room and the difficulty to move made him fix his attention on the piece. It had a woman lying on a piece of foreign furniture - a Chaise longue - dark wood and a white cushion. She was laying on her side -facing him- wearing a thin turquoise robe, her hair fell loose over half her face. He thought it was beautiful.

It took him a couple of minutes to get his eyes accustomed again when he noticed how the moonlight of a probably full moon illuminated her face, it was obvious then it wasn't a paint on the wall. It was Makoto, sleeping in an uncomfortable position with a troubled expression on her face. She was most likely taking care of him, again.

When he realized who she was it was like his other senses were activated. Even with a horrible headache and the pain in his leg, he smelled her shampoo scent on the pillow. It made him feel a strange comfort knowing she was with him. He allowed out a soft moan and tried to feel more of the softness of the sheets -tried to enjoy her bed- just to make his leg pain worse. It was his punishment for being greedy.

His hissing and groaning finally awoke her. She raised from the couch quickly -almost alarmed- and secured him in the bed, checking his forehead with her cold hands.

"You have to stay still or the stitches will get open. At least you don't have a fever"- she said in a low voice. She sounded tired.

He tried to talk but his mouth was too dry, he just let out a pitiable sound, her hands felt so good on his skin.

"Your lips are chapped, here, take some water"

She helped him sit, his head spun again and it was unavoidable to use her to support himself. She smelled wonderful, as always.

He gulped down all the water she gave him and still wanted more. He hoped she would stay there, near him, her presence made the pain more bearable. He tried to hold onto her when she made the gesture to leave, just to be reduced again by her to his initial posture on the bed.

"You need to rest."

"It's your bed- he cleared his throat, it was difficult to speak even after he took some water- you looked uncomfortable on the cushion"- his voice sounded hoarse and it was painful to swallow his own saliva.

"It's alright, you need space for your leg to heal. I can give you more painkillers, it will help you sleep"

It wasn't what he wanted. "Stay"- he asked while grabbing again her wrist. He couldn't say "please" aloud, but he hoped it was imprinted in his expression.

"I can't stay in the bed, but I'll be here, just here on the sofa"

He let her go. He felt rejected once again. She took her chance and seated in her original place again. It made him remember why he was in this situation, wounded in her bed so far from his own home. And Kuren's name was all he could remember before anger took over his mind.

"You already checked on him? Did you watch him from the couch too?"

"What does that have to do with you?"

"Everything about you is related to me too now, we are married, I didn't die yet"- it hurt to talk, but he needed to vent this now before his reasoning told him to shut up and behave.

"I didn't mean that, and of course, I made it my personal goal to keep YOU alive in case you didn't notice"

"It doesn't seem so. Every time I'm around you I'm injured and close to death. "

"That's hardly my fault/"- she stood when she talked, she looked outraged.

"Is it? How do I know you didn't plan this with him in order to erase me from your life?"

"Now you are just being paranoid, this is the reward for my sleeplessness nights taking care of you? You were the one that challenged him anyway, how I'm guilty of that?"- she was pacing through the room like a caged lion, but still, he couldn't stop his hostile talk.

"You left me no option. He showed off around the house at my expense and you did nothing. Even now, he tried to kill me and what punishment did you give him?"

She didn't reply. He assumed it was because she didn't give him any punishment and he was right.

"I'm not like you think I am. Kuren was rebuked by my mother- who happens to be his superior. I don't belong to this household anymore in case you don't remember, hence, I can't punish the people who work here"- a pregnant pause- she looked at him as if pondering if she should keep talking, she finally added- "my mother demoted and reassigned him.".

"So? There's no real punishment for his treachery? Just a relocation"

"His position was everything he had, he doesn't hold a noble title or lands. We literally took everything he had."- it seemed that was enough to shush him. He made an effort and turned his face contrary to her sight.

He was still angry, in her own heart she knew he was right. Treason is punished with death, a relocation wasn't enough. But her mother couldn't make the call, Kuren was like a son and she didn't want to push the matter, she still had feelings for him after all.

She left the room and asked a maid to look after Tobirama's needs for a while.

Her feet took her instinctively towards her father's studio. He wasn't there, of course, it was past midnight, but the place always helped her to think clearly. She was tired and wanted so many things- to sleep in a bed; drink some wine; a cuddling time with Shibo; to take a break from all this and go towards the lair; to see Kuren…

None of them were things that should be on her priorities now. She was trying to be objective in this decision, leaving aside her feelings for him, but it was clearly not happening. Would it have been the contrary she would have demanded Tobirama's head, immediately. She formulated several hypothetical situations in her head. What if the attempt was made against her father or Shibomashira? Would she still doubt to demand Kuren's life?

She found out the answer was no. She would have taken his life as payment on her own hands. If Kuren would have succeeded then she definitely would have to pay death with death. That made her think about Hashirama, his death would also sadden her. It surprised her that she would probably also kill Kuren for Hashirama's life or Mito's.

Then she definitely was acting wrong. She was making this personal and subjective and Kokuyo wouldn't allow that to happen. This wasn't just about her and Tobirama. Kuren wasn't the person she should allow herself to be permissive and with all the pain it will bring her, she will have to fix it.

She went towards the aviary, quickly before her resolution falters. She wrote a short message and sent her owl. She wasn't quiet enough it seems. Her mother had followed her.

"So, you finally decided to do it?"- she said with a small, grieving voice.

"It has to be done."- she replied quietly

"This will not resolve your relationship, since the beginning he wasn't the problem."

"I know, but I won't let this make it worse, I shouldn't."

"You foolish, selfish woman. His blood will be in your hands."

"I can't control what happens, he is an adult. He made his own choice."

"He made it out of love for you, something you can't feel it seems."

"I love my family."

"You love us because you must. As everything you do."- her mother said in a huff.

"You are talking just like Tobirama. Was it you who said that to him?"

"He only sees the truth. It stuns me, how could I raise a child- a person who can't love!?"

"Why are you saying this now? You know how I am."

"Cause I thought Kuren would be able to pierce that piece of rock you call a heart. How could you?"

"All this is because you want me to spare him?"

"Life isn't just about duty! You have to fight for your wishes. I thought you had learned that from your father."

"Duty is all you and my father passed on me, mother. When I tried to fight for a future my own father destroyed my hopes with the full weight of reality and you did nothing to help me, you hypocrite-"

"Don't you dare speak me like that!"- she interrupted her hissing a warning.

"You are asking for apples from an elm tree."- she said as she passed her, she wasn't going to discuss anymore with her, the decision was made. Her mother looked appalled, seriously she thought she was different?

"The only hypocrite here is you, discoursing about duty while being unable to fulfill the very first one you were assigned and didn't approve -she turns towards her while speaking- to honor and satisfy your husband."

"Ha! Speaks the one unable to give the order."

"I'm not the one that raises a monument of self-pride because that's what duty is about! Commitment, even when you don't like it, you brat!"

She didn't want to hear more, she turned and left while her mother was still speaking.

"How much blood do you have on your hands because of your selfishness and arrogance!"- was the last she heard before her mother burst into silent sobs while she walked away.

-o-

She went to her room, decided. She wasn't going to let her mother fill up her mouth with her supposed lack of commitment. That was something she held high about herself. The only things that were left for her were her values and her father's will.

It didn't matter how much messages and secrets she send through her pristine prison, her own pride was the rope around her neck, loyalty was her presentation card and the rule around everyone who served Kokuyo.

She must leave, this place will never be her home again. Her mother loved Kuren too much. She was obsessed with her supposed failure when she couldn't give birth to a male and practically adopted Kuren. Her mother favored him too much to let this matter go, maybe even more than she loved her. Her mother will let Kuren go away and she (Makoto) will sing for her new owner as she should. The song at least she could choose.

She sent the maid away. Tobirama succumbed to the fatigue and was sleep again. She looked at him sleeping for some time and then went to her balcony. She grabbed the handrail and breathed deeply, filling her lungs with the ocean air she missed so much. She really didn't want to comply, she didn't want to be pushed to live like a human doll. She didn't want, she didn't want, she didn't want.

But she must. She took every one of those wishes and put them in a tight box in a corner of her mind, a frustration to vent on another occasion.

She went back to her bed, she decided she wasn't going to sleep again on the sofa, five days had been enough.

She removed all her clothes and pulled the covers of the bed. The maid made the most use of the time and helped him to bathe, his hair was still wet and he smelled like her soaps. It suited him.

She got on with it, after checking his leg dressing she opened his sleep yukata and massaged his lower belly and his right inner thigh. He didn't give signs of awakening. Good.

She touched him through the fundoshi, his legs were parted because of his wound given her easy access. She cupped his balls and then touched his member again through the fabric. She heard him exhale audibly.

She decided it was enough and cut his fundoshi on the side. She touched him with only her index finger, tracing superficially his half hard cock from base to his circumcised tip. She saw him throb slightly and felt him growing harder and bigger when she took his member with her whole hand, his ball sack pulling up near the base of his cock. She had never done this before, usually, the sex was too passionate to stop and explore so slowly.

It was enlightening to be able to see the effects like this. She looked up at his face to see if he had awoken, his mouth was slightly open and his eyes moved a little under his eyelids, it seems he was dreaming… probably about the same.

She stroked him a couple times more, he was tick, and she found herself pleased with his weight in her hand. She let go his cock to massage his sac, his hard cock twitched against his lower abdomen with each beat. Between the light of the moon and the fireplace, she could she his gland shining with precum. She used it to massage the head and he inhaled sharply. She pumped him and massaged until the head of his cock was nearly touching his abs. She didn't know if he was still dreaming at this point but it didn't matter as long as he did not talk or attempted to touch her.

She finally decided it was enough, and got lower. She sucked the tip of his cock and he trusted slightly, his face was convulsed in a combination of pain and pleasure. His mouth open and his brow furrowed.

She took two-thirds of him in her mouth -he was too thick to take more- and she began. His trusting started weakly but as he got close to his pick he trusted harder, obliging her to use one hand in his hip to retain him, while the other massaged the point between his balls and anus as it cupped his balls. She knew men liked the pressure there and it made them finish quickly.

He breathed quickly and soundly, he let small moans when he exhaled and moved his good leg as if trying to get away although it was obvious he was enjoying it. His fingers twitched on the sheets as if trying to grab something -he was still dreaming, still asleep- as she bobbed her head, her mouth sucking his cock until it was hard to breathe.

She felt his sack tighten and changed her sucking retiring his cock from her mouth and rested it on his lower abdomen, using her mouth to keep it there while she sucked and licked under his head where the frenum meets the soft skin.

She felt him tremble with the orgasm, he let out a loud groan and graved the sheets at the side of his head with force while he spilled his cum on his own abdomen and chest. The balls of his feet buried in the mattress, his spine flexed and his hips high.

She couldn't see his face but heard his labored breath, she was sure they were open now. She keeps licking his oversensitive cock and squeezing his balls until he spurted all that he had. His hips giving small and slow trust. She heard him clearing his throat and saying "What?"

She finally let his softening cock to face him, her hands supporting her over him besides his torso. She took an appreciative look while letting him look at her naked. He wore a combination of confusion and a lustful look. It seems he couldn't decide if this were real or not. She was supported on her four limbs over him, exposed to the night air.

She looked at him, his semen spilled all over his chiseled chest, thin sweat covering him, his smell all over her room and his taste in her mouth. He looked positively fuckable. She noted then she was wet, the air of the night making obvious her moist. Her body was ready to get filled by him. Not her mind tough.

She decided it was enough and got off him breaking the spell of the moment. She took a towel for herself and threw one in the bed for him, then went to clean herself in the bathroom.

She didn't want to answer his questions so, after she was clean again she went to sleep in her old sister's room.

She finally resolved she was fighting against something much bigger than her. She let her father catch her in a net the moment she accepted to honor and obey him. She has just been fighting all this time against the bars of her cage. Hitting the metal, making a disturbance in the owner's room but since the beginning, she was never going to be free again. She was now at the counter looking pretty.

A comfy cage of gold and fur, but still a cage.