Disclaimer: I don't own, can't buy, therefore I'm not responsible for R & I. I'm just borrowing the characters to tell a non-profit story.

A/N: This is the longest one-shot for this collection (if you could call it that) and it's in Maura's POV. Even though all of the stories have been suggestive this one might be a touch M-Rated near the end. There you have been notified, you may now venture forward if you so desire.

_Bring The Pain: Episode 4_

As soon as I opened the door to my home I smelled popcorn and pizza. It's not an unusual occurrence but rather on point given who I come home to. But it's an event I wasn't informed of beforehand. I promptly decide to investigate as soon as I hang up my coat and replace my other accessories that I chose for the day. When I enter the kitchen I find Jane eating a slice of pepperoni pizza while popping another bag of microwaveable popcorn. I arrive at the conclusion that a second or possibly a third bag was being popped because of the large partially filled bowl resting on the kitchen island. I try my absolute best to encourage Jane to eat healthier and she does for the most part; now not being one of those times.

"Hey, you're home early."

In place of answering immediately I glance to my right and see that our flat screen T.V. is showing a rather gothic menu of some sort. The images flicker along with music that would be better described as dissonant noise bursts that has a faint yet deliberate pattern. Apparently, Jane intended to use her afternoon off to binge watch something she normally wouldn't with me and I caught her.

"Yes, I am. And I see you have what you call dinner, possibly dessert and some type of entertainment queued up."

Jane smirks and raises her beer up as if she's about to make a toast. I roll my eyes at her and she chuckles at me in return as she sets her beer back down on the counter top. Jane at least don't try to hide her vices.

Jane shrugs, "Pizza and beer is its own food group and for entertainment I figured I would give 'American Horror Story: Murder House' a try." Jane grins and reaches for another slice of pizza. The mushroom side of the pizza is untouched since that's usually my side anyway. And it's more proof that Jane wasn't going to hide this indulgence from me. "You know I like scary stuff as much as I like funny stuff and it's even better if you can combine them both."

"You mean like 'Shaun of the Dead'?"

"Exactly! Not that AHS is funny so far, but I have found some things about it laughable." Jane's wide smile shows off her ridiculously cute dimples. The effect comes to a close though when she takes a bite of the slice of pure fatty carbohydrates in her hand. Thankfully she doesn't talk around her food though. "And for being knowledgeable enough to remember one of my favorite movies Maur, I award you a gold star and all the nerd stuff for extra credit."

I smirk while walking around the kitchen island to where Jane is standing by the microwave. The frequent pops of the kernels of corn being heated by vibrating molecules courtesy of blasts from the electrified magnetron that emits the microwaves or rather radiation really. I rake my eyes over Jane; she has made herself comfortable for the evening already. Her relaxed wear consists of a loose, thin heather black scooped neck t-shirt that shows a wonderfully teasing amount of cleavage to my delight, along with some of her old comfortable jeans. Those once dark wash jeans are faded more so in the knees from years of wear but they are still fitting in all the proper places. Jane is also barefoot which I'm enjoying at this moment because with the advantage of my heels we are the same height for once.

"Have you already made it through a complete episode of the show?"

"Yeah, but not really." Jane moves to take a sip of her beer to wash down the empty calories she's been consuming before I arrived. "Just most of the first episode to see if I could get into it."

"Would you mind if I watched it with you?"

Jane shrugs and then lowers the bottle of beer from her lips, "If you really want to. You haven't missed much just two kids trashing the house and getting killed by a ghost and then the debut of the Rubber Man suit." Jane moves past me and tosses her empty beer bottle in the recycling bin under the sink. "But I guess you did miss a truly special event which was the cheating husband jerking off after catching the new maid playing with herself. And then what does he do? He goes and cries about it while still holding his dick and spooge."

I chuckle at Jane's candor filled recap. I'm not all that familiar with the show at all but I'm still rather surprised Jane has chosen a program with an obvious erotic element. Jane never ceases to surprise me regularly though. Though with as many verbal protests I've sat through with Jane while watching all too common sexually charged television programming I'm somewhat taken a back that Jane has elected to watch one all on her own.

"I'm sorry I missed all that." I smirk while reaching for a delectable looking mushroom topping on the pizza to nibble on. I prefer such things than the crust which has a fair amount of endosperm and that's an ingredient I avoid as much as possible. "Did the cheating husband at least have a nice ass?"

Jane scrunches up her face for a second but then the microwave beeps and she goes to take the popcorn out. It smells like the butter and sea salt I reasoned with her to get when we went food shopping.

"I'm going to ignore that question. But you know what on second thought I liked the speech Jessica Lange's character Constance said about Hollywood having no morals." Jane teases as she tears open the bag of popcorn and dumps the steaming contents into the bowl on the kitchen island. "Constance said the reason she passed on acting was because it was becoming a requirement for the actors to show their 'green pastures' to every man, woman and child." Jane winks at me. "It's a crying shame you missed that part." I roll my eyes at Jane again since that's obviously directed at the amount of nudity we've watched on the shows that I've selected for us. "Oh and hey, I just realized the character's got the same name as your mom, Maur."

I reach for another mushroom off the pizza, "I'm sure my mother will enjoy that coincidence when I tell her about it the next time we talk." The mushroom tastes pleasantly crisp. "Hopefully, the character won't turn out to be too much of a psychopath." I pick a smaller slice of pizza and for the longest time I wouldn't dream of eating it without a plate. "But I do believe it would be safe to assume the show wouldn't be living up to its moniker if the character were a paragon of morals."

Jane grins and picks up the large bowl that's almost brimming over with popcorn and walks towards the living room. I follow after her while eating my slice of pizza which is delicious. The crust is too greasy but I'm only going to have this one slice. After we both sit down in the middle of the sofa Jane reaches for the remote on the coffee table and presses play.

"You don't have to watch this with me. I can just take my goodies here and go watch 'The Walking Dead' with Ma at her house." Jane offers with a chuckle as the show's eery opening credits begin. "Even though she's just getting started on it, I still wouldn't mind watching the first season all over again. You know I'm not a Grimes fan and his kid Carl is a little weirdo and I don't mean the fun kind. Daryl and Michonne are the only characters I really like and they're the two most badass ones to be honest. Though Carol is pretty cool too."

'The Walking Dead' is the only program I know for certain Jane enjoys watching with me. I have come to appreciate it in a fashion even though for Jane it was something akin to love at first sight. I can't imagine how long the show will run though since there's only so many plot lines you can do in the zombie genre. Unless of course they resort to tropes and then who knows how many seasons the show will go on.

"The idea of people turning into zombies is pure science fiction at best." I reach for some popcorn from the large bowl that's resting on Jane's lap. "I understand the attraction for writers though to keep insisting on such a thing. Furthermore, I imagine the true idea for zombies came from the Bible since there are references towards the dead walking the Earth again. And I'm fond of Michonne too; we both know how to handle a blade after all."

Jane snorts, "Fencing still isn't a sport my dorky wannabe zombie slayer."

I finish the last bite of my pizza and then reach over and pinch Jane on her bicep. I don't need an excuse to touch her but I do enjoy reprimanding her this way. Jane needs grounding at times and honestly she also falls into the category of the lady doth protest.

"Oww shit!" Jane exclaims as I reach for the box of tissues on the coffee table to wipe my greasy fingers off on. "One of these days I'm not gonna let you get away with doing that."

I simply smile at Jane as I pull out a tissue to clean off the three different types of phosphates and high fat content soybean oil that was present in the crust, "Are you certain because you've been 'letting me get away with it' for years? I'm of the mind to deduce that you actually enjoy it or rather any form of my attention to be precise."

Jane sort of frowns but then pops handful of popcorn in her mouth as she turns her full attention towards the show. I will admit getting caught up in it is easy after a while that is if you can stomach the graphic nature. After ten minutes Jane voices her distaste on the husband's temper tantrum when his wife thought that having sex with him was high on her list of things she would rather skip doing, until she changed her mind. Jane said that putting 'the moves' on someone when they don't like you very much screamed: 'I only want you for sex because I'm a grade-A certified horn ball douche bag.'

I laugh of course. It's rather amusing at times to watch Jane shout at the T.V. The show progresses and I'm highly interested though I find the Rubber Man suit extremely disturbing since the ordeal with Vivian occurred. After the closing credits come to a close Jane immediately selects the second episode without pause. The episode begins with a song called 'The Age of Aquarius' which is the soundtrack three young women in what can only be 1960's clothing decend the impressive staircase of the same house decades ago. The young women are exchanging verbal barbs about attending a concert.

"Late sixties snapping, I can dig it." Jane laughs and then the next thing I hear is her snort after the 'blow Jim Morrison' line while she reaches into the dwindling bowl of popcorn. Sometimes I wish I had been blessed with Jane's metabolism level but I'm not envious of her eating habits on cheat days or lazy days. "And hey look one girl there's a member your tribe Maur...'studious-geekus'."

A day in my life wouldn't be complete unless Jane made several jokes about my education. Or more pointedly my nerd status in terms of societies label identifiers and this being the third quip for the evening.

"That's not a real category for a species, Jane. But if it were I would be proud to say at least I would be amongst the well informed about sexually transmitted diseases."

Jane pauses for a beat to swallow the contents of her mouth because she's old enough to know it's not proper to speak with your mouth full.

"Funny and yet so very accurate." Jane concedes while we both watch a suspicious looking man tries to gain access to the house on the show. He's using the Ted Bundy method of pretending to be injured to gain sympathy. "Oh man, I can't believe that chick just opened the damn door to that creepy asshole."

The next few minutes of the show are intense and gruesome. Even Jane's commentary has gone on pause. I imagine Jane is going through scenarios on ways she would've beaten the so called 'creepy assholes' face in even if he manged to get past the threshold. I do take comfort in Jane's so called protective butch side. Though Jane is not butch really.

"Shit, Constance cracks me up. Poisoned brownies and girlfriends got sass to go along with them." Jane proclaims at the emergence of said character into a kitchen scene with Vivian. "Crazy glue a stick of butter to your ass, I'm going to have to remember that one."

I laugh as well at the characters words. And because the saturated fat and fat calories in pure butter will not only raise lipid levels, but they will also not help any woman in the struggle against cellulite no matter what her age is. Constance apparently sniffs out that Vivian is pregnant which I find highly improbable. The pheromone explanation is in an effort to make it believable.

"Clearly Constance is nuts, but hey she's got a super sniffer like you too, Maur."

I smirk and shake my head, "I would hardly compare myself to a truffle pig like she just did."

Jane chuckles while leaning against me. I never considered myself funny until I met Jane. And as we got to know one another she informed me that I was 'accidentally' funny because of my literal nature. Of course now I would like to think that when I do put in the effort to attempt to be funny I succeed to an extent.

"How sweet and downright precious." Jane's sarcasm is difficult to miss. "The cheating bastard is romancing the mistress. Why doesn't he just stick his insatiable wang in a vacuum and live like that for the rest of his life?"

I start to ask why a vacuum but it dawns on me that such a thing would successfully suck him off endlessly. I laugh at my thoughts which were prompted by Jane's sarcasm in spite of the current climate of the show. But my physical level of comfort needs an adjustment so I reach down and slip my heels off my feet. My shoes are gorgeous but after a full day they become a challenge to bear.

"And it just keeps getting better." Jane announces as I straighten back up and lean in close beside her again. "The deluxe model husband Ben picked a nutbar for a mistress to knock up."

I smirk but then intense music blares out of the surround along with heavy knocks. This scene is obviously meant to mirror the earlier scenario with the serial killer or as Jane called him 'the creepy asshole.'

"You see that right there is why there aren't enough door locks or reliable security systems in this world." Jane digs into the bowl of popcorn again. "But thank God there are people like me who are armed and dangerous but also responsible enough to handle a gun."

The show begins to deal with the three murder reenactors who are also home invaders with a head-butt from the rebellious daughter, Violet. I suspect all three will end up trapped in the house as ghosts along with the serial killers victims. After a few minutes I choose to get up off the sofa and stretch. I notice that the popcorn bowl is empty save for a half a cup of unpopped kernels in my estimation. So I take the bowl off Jane's lap and head into the kitchen with it. I knock out the kernels in the garbage bin and then move to the sink to clean the bowl. The nice thing about moderately healthy popcorn is it doesn't leave a greasy butter residue.

"You're missing out on Constance being all cougar-riffic with her young boy toy!" Jane half-way shouts and I grin while washing out the popcorn bowl before putting it in the drainer. "You know every time I say her name I feel like I'm talking about your mom!"

Another few minutes go by and I glance up at the screen in the living room to see one of the murder reenactors vomiting in a trash can in Violet's room. Ipecap syrup is certainly one way to get invisible revenge on a perceived slight. The medicinal use of Ipecap was meant to aide in expelling orally ingested poisons and when used with activated charcoal it would evacuate the entire gastrointestinal tract.

"Now Violet's sicko boyfriend Tate is pretending he's Paul Bunyan with the psycho chick that was afraid of getting chopped in half! Nice symmetry there in my opinion, Maura."

I chuckle at Jane's play-by-play even though I can hear and see everything that's transpiring. The sounds of screams and crunching noises make me flinch a little. Shortly, after I dry the bowl with a towel and put it back in its proper place the second episode ends with Vivian announcing that they're going to sell the house. Personally, I wouldn't have bought a house with that much history of death to start with. I close the lid on the pizza box that only has four remaining slices of the mushroom portion as I walk around the kitchen island back towards the living room. Taking into account the size of our T.V. I can see that the next episode starts with a flashback from the early eighties.

"You didn't have to scrub down that bowl." Jane says as I approach the sofa. "I would've done it later. I'm a big girl that can clean up after herself and everything."

I laugh as I sit down next her and prepare to focus back on the show but then Jane makes a face at what's playing out on the screen. It's not shaping up to be anything pleasant and by that I mean the show and Jane's in-coming opinion on the subject matter. The maid Moira is bending over while making the bed and an obviously drunken man is admiring the view.

"Yeah, he's coming on stronger than a drunken-horny prom date. Where 'no' really means 'yes' in their state of mind and therefore its perfectly okay to molest the help." Jane growls out as we both watch the maid, Moira, being thrown down on the bed. "I would've already kneed him in the balls so hard that all he could do is squeak like a mouse afterwards."

I grin at Jane's words but then I find myself afflicted by the maids cries of distress until I see what can only be Constance strutting down the darkened hallway in stylish heels and holding a gun. It's quite a visual; the deep red dress coming out of the darkness of the hallway with the gleam of the handgun poised to fire. Constance fires one bullet into the maid's eye and then with heavy tears she empties the rest of the revolver into her husband's chest.

Jane fidgets beside me and I move in closer to her warmth, "It's official...Constance is a crazy bitch, Maur. That's a pretty hardcore punishment for two cheaters. Moira didn't deserve that though."

I agree with Jane's assessment but then the show changes its pace again; it strays inot the darkness and then wanders back out of it as if to give the audience a reprieve before the next act. Jane chuckles at the antics when humor presents itself. And it hasn't escaped me that I've failed to kiss Jane this evening.

"Gotta love that maid." Jane muses while said character is on her hands and knees washing blood off the floor. I can see everything 'under the sun' as Jane calls it. "She looks like an old woman to women but to men she looks like...a wet dream come to life that's very eager and so willing."

I feel my blood pressure rise when to me it seems like Jane might be enjoying the backside view of the maid by the way her voice dropped marginally at the end of her assessment. I understand the scene is meant to be titillating but for me it's not. The maid's behavior is highly over-sexed towards Ben but then Jane breaks up my mood when she laughs at the 'fetish ball' line. The doorbell rings on the show and Ben answers the door to find his much younger and very emotionally unstable mistress.

"Right on time, Hayden the batshit crazy mistress is back and not a moment too soon." Jane glances at me and smiles warmly. "I was just starting to miss her."

I chuckle, "Your commentary almost always increases my viewing enjoyment, Jane."

Jane winks, "I'm helpful like that."

I nudge Jane in the side playfully as the show plays on. So far I rather like the show to an extent and it's not something I thought Jane would pick. However, the storyline is compelling because all the lies and secrets keep piling up while the erotic thriller element manages not to overpower everything else. Now the story has ventured into the past; to the original owners of the aptly titled Murder House.

"Now that's an uptight anal bitch." Jane offers while a flashback is telling the story of the house's original owners from the nineteen twenties. "I would say that the husband will end up killing his wife but he's too much of a junkie-sot for that to happen."

Jane shifts in her seat on the sofa and crosses her arms over her chest, "You know they really should've subtitled this show 'Gestating Murder House' since everybody that's not dead is knocked up by Ben the boner therapist. That and the living and the dead have baby fever."

I laugh even as the mistress Hayden is beaten to death with a shovel by the burned man. I should find that disturbing but I'm laughing at Jane not the show. With three episodes down I can't help but wonder how many more Jane intends to view. The only thing I've seen her sit and watch this long recently was 'How To Get Away With Murder'. I wonder if I should be concerned since murder seems to be a reoccurring theme with her lately. I smirk at where my thoughts have wandered.

"Are we going to watch another episode?"

"Maybe one more. I can take it if you can?" Jane runs a hand through her luscious dark curly hair. "I read the show's synopsis and I wanna see the infamous nice gay couple we keep hearing about before I call it quits for the night."

I laugh while nudging Jane on the shoulder. But after three episodes back to back Jane announces that she's pausing the show for a bathroom break first. I decide to go change into something that I find comfortable but doesn't make me feel dumpy. I selected a green off the shoulder shirt and some yoga pants and as I'm walking back down the stairs Jane loudly informs me that in two minutes she's starting the show with or without me. I ignore the idle threat and go into the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine since Jane has either grabbed another beer or has switched to water by now. She knows I don't like kissing her if she's been drinking that dirt water, even though I've taken to buying a brand of beer that has somewhat pleasing flavor to offer.

I notice that the pizza box is gone off the kitchen island and the countertop has been wiped down. I do hope Jane didn't eat those last four slices to not be 'wasteful' as she calls it. Mushrooms or 'fungus' as she so often coins it isn't her favorite but I've never seen her turn away from any pizza really. I choose a bottle of wine and as I'm pulling out the cork on the bottle I see that Jane has started up the show again. A threat she actually followed through on. This new episode appears to be especially geared towards Halloween. I feel like indulging so I pour out more than I usually would of a nice 2005 Chardonnay, recork the bottle and then move towards the living room while taking a sip. It has a perfect dry, citrus taste with a hint of caramel.

"Okay, that guy carving the pumpkin is so you." Jane observes as I sit down closely beside her again. "I can see you being that meticulous about it."

I glance away from Jane back at the show playing out on the screen. And yes, we are finally being shown the nice gay couple who owned the elegantly gothic and haunted Victorian house before the Harmon's moved in. They are both highly attractive men which is unsurprising.

"I find that an unfair generalization, Jane."

"Really?" Jane nudges me with her elbow and points to the characters on the screen. "You don't see it with the whole Marie Antoinette famous French figures theme as a big: 'Hello, how are you? My name is.' "

I shrug and take another sip of my wine. Just because I happen to share characteristics with a fictional character doesn't mean that I identify with them. Meanwhile Jane laughs at the exchange between the gay couple that involves infidelity which is on par with the theme of the show but that's only due to the lines: 'Screwing that twink trainer' and 'He's a power bottom and he loves it.' After a few minutes though I find the couple's dilemma rather upsetting despite the witty verbal jabs that they sling at one another.

"Don't worry you're not Martha Stewart either." Jane says before leaning forward to retrieve her beverage off the coffee table. "And you're plenty passionate enough for me."

I really want to kiss her now even though she's drank beer but then I notice she's drinking from a small bottle of flavored water. I'm more than aware that I haven't kissed her since I arrived home. Then just as I'm getting ready to act on my desire Jane laughs loudly at Patrick's line about him and Chad being 'Hallo-Queens.' I chuckle too since it was funny but it's short-lived. Jane places her bottle of water back on the coffee table; on a coaster of course.

"How can a person obsess over the color of apples that just float around in water?"

I take a small sip of my wine, "Contrast is important."

"You are so that gay guy."

The urge to pinch Jane again is tempting but I choose to remain passive this time and watch the show. For now. This episode is centered around the holiday of Halloween and of course it's exactly that time of year now. Vivian and her realtor Marcy are arguing over how to sell the home even though it's dangerously haunted. Marcy suggests hiring some help to make the home more inviting. The options she presents are people known as 'fluffers'. Vivian and Ben approved of the young gay man who is more affordable than the English lady.

"A young gay fluffer." Jane chuckles while she leans back in the sofa and runs both of her hands through her hair. I love it when she leaves her hair down when she's trying to relax since most of the time she wears it up at home. "Oh, there are so many jokes I could make right now."

I smirk while I lightly swirl my wine around in the glass, "I'm sure you have more than two but less than a hundred."

Jane mock laughs and then grabs one of the sofa cushions and hugs it to her chest. I frown slightly because if she wanted to hold something so badly I know I'm the better candidate.

I finish off my last sip of wine and direct my attention back to the show, "Jane, I think that horribly misguided, emotionally stunted and depressed teenage girl Violet is actually falling in love with that traumatized boy Tate who is clearly one of the many ghosts trapped in the house."

"You know I hadn't decided whether he's alive or dead yet and you've just put a knife it." Jane groans as she slides down further on the sofa. I simply shrug since it's been all too obvious for me. "And to top it off I feel like I need to smother myself with a pillow for a minute since you had to suggest that girl would be dumb enough to go all gooey for him. Tate's gotta be the one who was wearing the Rubber Man suit not Ben during the old shove and stuff in the first episode that happened to Vivian."

"Shove and stuff?" I parrot back and Jane does in fact put the sofa pillow over her face. I can feel her rolling her eyes behind her temporary shroud. "I mean granted the Rubber Man suit alludes to bondage and roughness but."

A gruff muffled interruption is hard to pick up on but I suspect that what Jane said had nothing to do with answering my question. But afterwards she pulls the pillow off her face, "Shove and stuff is what I call rough sex that lands you knocked up, Maura."

"Oh? That's rather crass but I see your point." I frown while leaning forward to place my empty wineglass on the coffee table. "And as for my musings on Violet I also find it hard to believe that any person, no matter their mental state, would allow such emotions to occur. The two characters have chemistry though."

Jane sighs loudly, "Alright, this will be as close to speaking 'nerd' as I will ever get so relish these words: Just because you have great chemistry with someone doesn't mean they share the same desire to take it to the lab for some messy one on one testing with you."

I look at Jane sincerely for a moment and then laugh. I consider just grabbing her face and pulling her to me for our past due kiss but Jane is focused on the show again.

"Why are gay guys so much better looking than the majority of all straight men?" Jane announces and turn my head to observe her more closely for a moment. She is showing some signs of arousal but just the mild symptoms. "Better grooming obviously is a start but the behavior is the same. And of course one of them would be a cheating man slut. Although, the clearly straight security guard guy Vivian was making eyes at is...wow."

I laugh lightly and Jane does have a point about the security guard, "Should I be worried that you still find men attractive?"

"Nope, I'm so gay for you it's downright frightening." Jane deadpans in that deep, raspy voice of her's without taking her eyes off the T.V screen. I find that disappointing in lieu of what was said but I hardly know what to say after what she has effectively stated even if it was said flippantly. "And there's that poor maid again who can't decide which is the best surface to assume the position on for the fellas and probably the ladies too."

"I...so would it be safe to say that you find the maid, the way she appears to men, somewhat arousing?" I can't help but ask even though at this moment the maid is her 'old' self and she's taking her mother off life support. "Obviously, she is dressed to be tittilating."

Jane discards the sofa pillow and sits up straight suddenly, "I see how it is. You wanna play, huh?"

"What? Play? I don't understand?"

"Oh no way am I getting sucked into the vortex of another Dr. Isles sexual health conversation about made up people on T.V. again." Jane's eyes flit down to my breasts before she grabs the remote and turns the T.V. off. The silence is almost startling. "But honestly every time that maid; who's name sounds pretty close to yours, is on the screen trying to get the men on the show to throw her down and fuck her brains out I keep imagining you in that outfit. I swear those damn garters on her stockings really turn me on but only if it's you I'm thinking about in them."

My heart is just racing. I feel breathless all of the sudden and I have every right to. I have absolutely no intention of chastising Jane for saying 'fuck her brains out'. Currently, my mind and my body would like nothing better than to go upstairs with her to our bedroom and do that very thing to Jane first and then let her do that to me.

"What's a matter Maura?" Jane rasps out as she leans in closer. "Am I getting to you? Are you...turned on by my words?"

"I didn't expect you to behave this way after a simple show."

Admittedly, my experiments with subjecting Jane to oversexualized shows was to provoke. Her reluctance with discussing the subject of sex amuses me to no end, so I wanted to see if she was uncomfortable with watching it with me. The results were mixed; sometimes she just insulted what we were watching to my amusement as a way to cope with her discomfort or rather a lack of interest would be more accurate.

"Watching that show really had nothing to do with it." Jane offers as she puts her hands under my shirt and my thought process slows to almost a crawl while everything else is hyper-aware. "And I think I should tell you that the next time you want to watch a sexed-up shit show; how about we just go for broke and watch some good old fashioned porn?"

This is a welcome surprise and with that revelation I manage some clarity, even though Jane's hands are moving across my stomach with intent and purpose, "I would be amendable to that. I prefer gay pornography though since most of the lesbian porn I've viewed is too staged and completely passionless. It's also for the most part designed for a man's viewing pleasure."

Jane's hands cease their upward progress on my stomach and then she drops her forehead to my shoulder because she's laughing. That's not the reaction I expected from her but it makes me smile and gives me a moment to catch my breath and regain some faculties.

"So the sight of two hot men going at it does it for you, huh?" Jane chuckles lowly and I feel her hot breath on my neck. I close my eyes in anticipation. Then the next thing I feel is her lips brushing along my throat and I gasp from the thrill that goes through my body. "I can live with that. I'm not threatened. But since it's close to Halloween I think now would be a good time to give you a treat because I'm fairly confident you don't want the trick."

Endlessly playful and despite her reluctant with discussing sex Jane is very eager to please me. I've never been disappointed by her even once as far as our sexual relationship is concerned, "Hmm, I might want both since it's coming from you."

Jane kisses me below my ear on the spot that she found on me, "You might deserve both since you haven't kissed me yet. I'm kinda hurt but not enough to be mad at you."

"I wanted to of course." I all but groan out when Jane drags her tongue across my thumping pulse while she reminds me where her hands are when I feel them sliding under the edge of my bra. "But you had been drinking beer and you know how I feel about that...aftertaste in your mouth."

Having beer breath for me is on par with kissing someone who's been eating onions or garlic. I've never seen the need to apologize or make concessions for something that is easily remedied. Stopping to use mouthwash is not a turn-off for me. Bad breath is though.

"Keep your kiss then." Jane growls out playfully before pulling away; her mouth and hands move off my body completely. I open my eyes and just as I'm about to protest Jane's left hand is on my groin and she squeezes me a little. "If you don't want the taste of me in your mouth, I'll just have to settle for the taste of you in mine."

From here on out I'm not going to passively torture Jane with television shows with sexual content anymore. I manage that unspoken promise to myself before the rest of my mind could do nothing but lend itself to fulfillment. Jane never fails to surprise me, not that it's possible for me to be bored in her company. After all these years it's still never a dull moment. Also, there is very little in my life I've ever been embarrassed about. For example, I certainly wasn't ashamed when Jane stuck her hand down my pants and felt my evident desire for her. I was even less distressed when she removed my pants and underwear in frenzy; threw my legs over her shoulders and then in no time made me cry out, loud enough for the neighbors to hear me while I climaxed on our sofa. I am embarrassed though to say that it will take a minute before I can move enough to finally kiss her.

_END_

Soundtrack: "Kiss Off" by Violent Femmes

A/N 2:I had no clue a few months ago when I wrote the first one-shot for an awesome reviewer that I would keep coming back to this. My reason is insanity (just kidding). Seriously, writing this little scenario kept making me laugh and that's something I damn well nurtured. And nevermind that the dude who played Patrick on AHS was also Rory Graham on R&I. Or that the family that owns Murder House is the Harmon's. Lastly, if you felt like I left you hanging at the end and if you want smut look to my other R & I stories because I've already written it plenty of times.