"I don't believe the academy would be a good fit for you, Jiraiya taught you all you know so you'd be at an advantage, and you're past the required age, you'd be stuck in a class full of kids three years younger than you." She could feel the itch on her forearm, slowly but insistently getting stronger, and she locked her jaw tightly, trying to ignore the need to scratch away at it. Instead, she focused on the man before her, trying her hardest to keep her composure.
"Then how about giving me the genin test and letting me work my way up?" He let out a sigh, and she knew that was the end of the conversation. Once more she had failed to change his mind, which meant she'd stay stuck like a flightless bird in the cage like village for however else long. More and more the thing she had once deemed a miracle, Jiraiya running across her and her dying mother eight years ago, was beginning to feel like a curse. She quickly dragged a palm over her left forearm, trying hard to nonchalantly relieve the annoying itchiness.
"I pulled enough strings to convince the elders into letting Jiraiya raise you in the village. All else is out of my control, including making you an active shinobi." He sounded defeated, and it made her feel a bit guilty for placing her anger towards him and the man who brought her up, but she'd yet to meet the elders and the man they called Danzo, so her anger didn't have the proper outlet. She slowly bowed, silently communicating the fact she'd be departing, but before she could walk out the door, his voice made her pause. "Don't let the what the villagers say get to you, let your skin be as thick as the armor beneath it."
She nodded her head, before hurrying out of his office, tears threatening to spill from her emerald eyes. The feeling of incompetence burned in her chest, and the hushed voices and looks of the people she ran across did little to alleviate the feeling, instead festering it up like a forest fire. She wanted nothing more than to snap at them, to let them know that staying hidden inside the village like a damsel in distress was not up to her. That if she had the choice, she'd be fighting shoulder to shoulder with her friends, making sure they came back unharmed and the village stayed untouched. She wanted them to know that if it were up to her, she'd have already reunited with Jiraiya.
Would it really be a reunion though?
It had been four years since she'd seen him walk out the door of their shared cabin, and the last letter she had received from him had come a month after his first one. Kasumi had worried at first, instantly thinking the worst had happened, but when she learned that he'd kept in contact with the Sandaime, her feelings had been hurt drastically, and the stinging of abandonment had cracked something within her, something she didn't like but told no one about. The annoying itch pestered on her skin, and once out in the more heavily populated streets of Konoha, she quickly lifted the sleeve of her lilac blue kimono shirt and angrily scratched away at her forearm.
The stress of what was currently her life was beginning to get to her, and she'd been too put off by the chances of whatever was going on in her mind ruining her requests to become a Konohagakure shinobi to go see anyone at medical. Instead, she had decided to bear with the things happening in her head on her own, from the fits that left her crying on her bedroom floor, to the moments that left her gasping for air with an excruciating pain in her chest. Just thinking on the last attack that had been brought on by Shisui's departure on his first mission made her chest construct, but before the feeling could progress, two familiar arms wrapped around her waist and lifted her off the floor.
"What's with the long face, Angel-girl?" Obito's smile was bright, and the playful glint in his eyes made the invisible snake in her chest wind itself out and fade away so fast, that for a second she wished she could bottle whatever it was about his presence that made her relax and use it as a medication. With a small frown, he set her down and led her towards a dango stand, quickly purchasing two identical sticks before once again leading her to an unoccupied bench, a bit off from where the liveliness of the village was. Once they sat, he handed her one of the sticks. "The old man denied your request again?"
"He said it's not up to him." She took one of the dango spheres into her mouth, chewing through it in a mechanical manner, too upset to enjoy the sweetness of the treat, and when he scoffed, she met his gaze of determination, eyes focused on her intently in a way that made her feel as if she had offended him by not savoring the treat.
"What a wuss!" His outburst surprised her; she was so used to hearing everyone but the man who raised her mention the man in nothing but respectful tones, and hearing the disgust in Obito's voice made her feel a bit better. His jaw was clenched, and she couldn't help the way the corners of her lips curved upward when she noticed the bothered expression on his half-boyish half-adult features. He was thirteen already, five years her senior, and while she hadn't ever really noticed the difference in the three years they'd known each other, it was evident then. "When I become Hokage, the first thing I'll do is promote you to jonin, you'll be my personal ANBU guard, I promise! No one will be able to say otherwise, not even the old bags or that creep Danzo!"
Obito's genuine outburst made her happier than she'd been in a while, and she instantly dropped the half eaten dango stick and wrapped her arms around him tightly, wordlessly thanking him for his honest words. He took a second to reciprocate her hug, but when he noticed she wasn't loosening her hold, he wrapped his arms around her as well, squeezing her small frame lightly. "You didn't have to drop the dango, you know."
"I'm sorry, Obito! I'll make it up to you, I swear!" She let go of her tight grip on the boy, noticing the light blush that tinged his cheeks and the way he scratched the back of his head in a slightly awkward manner before clearing his throat.
"It's okay, I was trying to celebrate without even telling you what we were celebrating!" Her eyes widened, and she mentally chastised herself for letting her own dilemma cloud over her memory of what was happening that day. Before she could congratulate him, the glum look on his face alerted her to the fact that something was bothering him, and he spoke before she could even ask. "I told Rin, but she was too busy celebrating Kakashi's jonin promotion to celebrate with me."
Kasumi abruptly stood, tugging on his hand forcefully enough to make the grip he had on his dango loosen, which made him drop the treat. Without turning back, she led him clumsily towards the cabin in the woods she called home, being careful to let him focus his chakra to his feet as they crossed the now wide river that she frequented with Kakashi. She knew where the silver haired boy would be after such a huge accolade, so she let her full focus fall on the Uchiha attached to her hand.
The quietness coming from the usually boisterous boy was the opposite of what she was used to from him, but she continued on her path nonetheless, and when they reached their destination, they quickly discarded their shoes at the door before entering. "Okay, what are we doing?"
"Sit." She motioned to the small table in the kitchen, and he hesitated before deciding to do as she instructed. He looked a bit defeated in the way he crossed his arms over the table and rested his head over them, and she couldn't help the tinge of anger she felt towards her medic friend for brushing him off so absentmindedly. With a quick shake of her head, she brushed the ugly feeling aside and got to work, taking out the ingredients she would need for her celebratory gift.
She worked silently, letting him mull over his thoughts until she could hear the way his soft breaths deepened, a clear indication that he had fallen asleep, and when she finished her meticulous job of decorating the vanilla cake with strawberries and a perfect 'Congratulations Obito' written in chocolate, she placed it before him before softly nudging him awake.
He slowly roused, wiping a trickle of stray drool off his cheek before opening his eyes, and when his dark orbs focused on the small cake before him, they widened with appreciation. "Congratulations Obito! I know how hard you worked to catch up to Kakashi, and while he might've been promoted to jonin, I'm sure you'll catch up to him in no time and even pass him up, future Hokage!"
They ate most of the cake while he gave her a detailed account of how he had managed to snag the promotion, and she was in awe at how he did it all without relying on the eye his clan was known for possessing. "I haven't awoken it yet, but if I had, I'd be past Kakashi by now."
"You're more than the Sharingan, Obito. The same way I'm more than my bones." He seemed to ponder on her words for a second, before quickly nodding his head in agreement.
"Still, I don't see what you and Rin see in him." The words he spoke took her a minute to process, but when she realized what he had said, she almost choked on the piece of strawberry in her mouth. He noticed, and quickly handed her his glass of milk, speaking as she gulped it down. "Shisui is the one who noticed, it annoys him."
"Shisui abandoned me, what would he care." She only noticed how hard she'd been gripping the empty glass of milk when Obito's hands came over her own, carefully plucking her tense digits from around it. Once he set the glass down, he soothed her hand, carefully trying to relax her joints from the way they still curved over the item that was no longer in its grasp.
"I see why you would think that but you're wrong." His next words came out softer, almost as if he were trying to keep prying ears from listening in. "The first thing he does when he comes back from a mission is seek you out to make sure you're okay. You might not sense it, but they don't call him Shisui of the Body Flicker for nothing."
Her heart thudded loudly in her chest, and the need to tell him how wrong he was grew deep within her chest but didn't quite make it out. Before she could even say anything, he stood from his seat, stretching quickly before grinning widely at her, almost as if letting her know he was over the conversation. "We have a mission tomorrow, so if you want to congratulate Bakashi on his promotion, you better get going. Thank you for the cake, Angel-girl."
A soft rustle outside her kitchen window made her quickly turn, but the only thing she saw was a small crow perched on her windowsill, head tilted sideways as if asking her if she was fine. Its eyes seemed to be glowing a vibrant red, but before she could do a double take, it fluttered off into the night sky, leaving her to realize that she was alone. Obito had already left.
…
It took her a second to gather her thoughts, but one glance at the digital clock on her oven let her know she'd have to rush to catch Kakashi before he decided to go to bed, so she clumsily climbed up to her room, grabbed her guitar from it's stand, and rushed out into the chilly night, quickly cursing herself for not changing into something a bit warmer.
The June weather irritated her, from the scorching heat of the day to the bone-chilling cold of the night. It was a stark contrast, almost like the two boys who had just earned their promotions, and she chuckled absentmindedly at the comparison. Her bones buzzed under her skin, silently protesting the weather, and she wrapped her arms around herself to try and keep herself warm, but the blow of the wind was cruel, and her arms did little to shield her from it.
When she finally reached his home, she had to force her fingers into curling up to knock at the door, and she was grateful when it instantly opened. Kakashi quickly gripped her arm before dragging her inside his much warmer home, and when he closed the door and turned to look at her, the annoyed look in his eyes made her flinch involuntarily. "Are you crazy? Did you not know tonight was the last night of the cold front?"
Kasumi felt embarrassed, and before she could snap back with a rude retort, he threw a long-sleeved shirt at her, obscuring her view completely. The shirt smelled new, and it took her a second before she managed to gather herself and tug it off of her head, but when she did, she instantly noticed the red pattern of the Uzoshiogakure symbol emblazoned on the upper sleeve. "You can have it; they gave me plenty."
"Congratulations." She murmured as she removed the guitar from her back and tugged the much larger shirt over her small frame. It fell a bit above her knees, and she had to roll the sleeves up in order to uncover her hands, but she was grateful for the added layer of warmth.
"You've come bearing gifts?" The nonchalant tone in his voice made her want to pick up her guitar, bludgeon him with it, then head back home, but she rolled her eyes instead.
"Something like that. I've been working on something for a while, and I finally finished. You'll be the first to hear it." Kakashi tried to hide the interest in his eye, but she saw it before he could. Instead of chiding him, she took a hair band from her wrist and quickly tied her hair back into a messy bun, before picking up her discarded guitar and playing the beginning tunes of the first song she had ever finished.
'I spent a long time, watering a plant made out of plastic, and I cursed the ground for growing green. I spent a long time, substituting honest with sarcastic, and I cursed my tongue for being mean.' The surprised way his eyes widened a bit and his lips slightly parted let her know he recognized the tune. It was the same song she'd been working on the day after they met, and she smiled softly before closing her eyes and continuing.
'And weightless, breathless restitute, motionless and absolute, you cut me open, sucked the poison from an aging wound.' He'd been the first to alleviate the loneliness of Jiraiya's departure, and he'd stuck by her side, introducing her to the other two people she'd befriended, and for that she would forever be grateful.
'Now fifty-thousand war cadets, would cower at this long white hair, to my surprise not six feet tall, who'd reach and grab the moon if I should ask, or just imply, that I wanted a bit more light so I could look inside his eyes and get the color just right…' She slowly opened her eyes and met his gaze, and the mesmerized look that marred his eyes gave her the courage to not break contact. It was evident she was singing to him about how she felt towards him, and even more so that he could see it.
"That was pretty short for a complete song." Had it not been for the playfulness behind his words, she would have really smashed the guitar over his head, but she laughed before softly placing her finger over her lips to shush him.
'Build love, build God, build provinces, build callouses, break promises, cause I could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it.' Her hand shook for a second, but when he sat before her and placed a comforting hand on her ankle, she managed to stop it.
'What am I thinking, what does this mean? How could somebody ever love me?' Kakashi wrapped his arms around her before she could even finish the song, and a knot formed in her throat at how easily she wore her heart on her sleeve before him.
"That was beautiful, but you should rethink the ending." His words were meant to be more comforting than judgmental, and she nodded her head as much as she could with her forehead pressed to his chest in his embrace. Kakashi was not a sentimental person, and her cheeks burned at the amount of affection she was receiving, but as quickly as it had started it ended. "Thank you for letting me hear it first. This has been the best gift so far."
"So far?!" The audacity! As much as she adored the older boy, he never failed to say something to irritate her every nerve, and when he shrugged his shoulders in an almost bored manner, she could feel her aggravation growing.
"I'm still missing gifts from Rin, Obito, and Minato-sensei." His words caused her to redirect her annoyance at the medic of his team, but once again, she swallowed it down. At the end of the day, Rin was her friend too, and as annoyed as the brunette's obliviousness to Obito's affection made her, it wasn't necessarily her fault.
"Obito got promoted too, you know." He shrugged his shoulders again, and before she could tell him off for his lack of consideration, his words stopped her.
"We all figured he would. As stupid as he is, he's pretty skilled. I hope the day his Sharingan awakens doesn't go to that already big head of his." She couldn't help but laugh, and with a quick glance at the usually stoic boy before her, she decided to mess with his head for a bit.
"Are you worried he'll surpass you, Mr. Prodigy?" The baffled look on his face was too much, and she quickly broke out into a fit of laughter as he murmured under his breath about having to put up with one idiot too many. When she finally managed to settle herself, she quickly remembered the mission Obito had mentioned, but before she could gather her guitar and head out, Kakashi's hand around her wrist halted her.
"Stay, we leave too early tomorrow for me to walk you home." She rolled her eyes and before she could retort that she was old enough to have graduated the academy, and skilled enough to be a jonin herself, he scoffed. "It's also too cold, you'll probably freeze halfway there."
Her bones seemed to agree, and when she finally nodded her head in agreement, they made their way towards his room. It wasn't the first time she had spent the night at his place, but something about that night made her feel giddier than usual, and he seemed to pick up on it instantly. "Do you want me to take the sofa?"
The soft way he spoke made her spine shiver, and she quickly shook her head. He'd slept next to her in a very platonic manner countless of times before, and the thought of changing that dynamic made her panic a bit. His soft breathing never failed to lull her to sleep, even on nights where she felt as if the mere act of breathing was a hard task, and before he could ask her if she was sure, she quickly disappeared into the small bathroom connected to his bedroom.
Kasumi turned on the faucet before rinsing her face in cold water, and she quickly dried it off before removing the kimono shirt she was wearing underneath his jonin shirt. When she was clad in her shorts that peeked out from underneath his oversized shirt, she headed out to notice him already on his side of the bed, eyes closed and breaths even. She silently joined him, turning her back to him and trying to calm the beating of her heart, finally focusing on the sounds of him breathing until she fell asleep.
…
He was right. The next morning, she awoke to find that his side of the bed was empty, and her kimono shirt from the night before laid neatly folded over his pillow. The second she replaced his shirt with her own, the scent of him that must have seeped into it from being placed in the spot he slept the night before instantly hit her, until her senses were drowning in notes of pine trees and musk. She relished it for a second before untying her messy hair and trying her best to brush the knots that had formed from the sloppy bun she'd kept in in through the night, and when she was sure she looked somewhat presentable, she grabbed his shirt and headed home.
The walk back was uneventful, a bit lonely if anything, and her thoughts kept going to the conversation she had with Obito the day before as they sat in her kitchen eating the celebratory cake she'd baked. He seemed convinced when he mentioned Shisui had continued to keep an eye out on her, and part of her knew it was most likely true, which in turn made her angry.
If he hadn't abandoned her, it only meant he had chosen to avoid her, and that did nothing to change the resentment she felt towards him. Kasumi had done nothing for him to choose that route, she had been a pillar for him when his mother died, and she had helped him care for the koi that swam in the pond in his garden, even after his change of heart. Part of her felt guilty, the feeling that maybe she hadn't done enough for him made her feel a sting in her heart, and when she reached her home, she quickly set her guitar and Kakashi's shirt down before heading into the bathroom.
After a long shower, the sting was still there, festering persistently until the walls of her own home felt like a cage, and she quickly grabbed the thin necklace that dangled out of her bedside dresser before rushing out of her cabin and towards the place she used to feel most at home.
Once inside the Uchiha residence, the commotions of the everyday events made her feel a bit breathless, and before she could begin to panic, an old woman sitting in a chair outside of a small shop motioned her over. With nothing else to do, Kasumi took the few steps towards her with heavy feet, and once she reached her, the woman's penetrating gaze was enough to help her thoughts settle and stop her panic from rising. "You're Shisui's friend, right?"
Her voice failed her, but she nodded her head. The affirmation was enough for the woman, who stood and went inside the shop, before quickly coming back out with an aromatic box that she was sure contained melon-pan, and another box that she couldn't quite point the smell of. "It's for Amaya's koi. If you hurry, you'll catch him before he heads out to train."
With an almost whispered thank you, she quickly rushed through the streets of the clan's compound until she reached the familiar home. It had grown the same eerie aura that her and Kakashi's own homes had since Amaya's death, and she quickly swallowed away the thought before taking the thin chain out of her pocket and inserting the key attached to it into the lock of the front door. When Amaya still lived, the door always remained unlocked, even open most times, but Shisui had grow a tendency to lock them, almost as if daring her to use the key she'd been gifted by his mother.
Once inside, the house felt empty, and had it not been for the light that peeked in from the door leading to the pond outside, she would have been convinced no one was home. She silently walked closer, until she could see his back, and she knew he could sense her presence, but chose to remain quiet. When she sat down next to him, feet barely touching the water below, he sighed.
"It's been a while." She scoffed before handing him the box on melon pan, forcing her eyes to remain glued to the fish below. She wanted to yell at him, tell him how fucked up it had been for him to ignore her for almost two years, but she knew better than to be selfish. Jiraiya had abandoned her, but he was still alive. Amaya wasn't. "I wanted to apologize; I just wasn't sure what to say."
He handed her half of a bun, a symbolic thing to do seeing as how they'd done the same thing the day they first met, but no one would be letting them know there was dinner ready this time. She silently took it, and they shared the warm sweet bread in silence, until the weight of her words was too heavy to carry any longer. "Anything would've been fine. I just wanted to hear anything from you."
She opened up the other box, which was full of leafy greens and small dead crickets and began to feed the fish below, quickly noticing Shisui's favorite koi missing. Something about its absence threw her off, and the stinging in her chest grew marginally until she was struggling to breathe. The panic she'd been experiencing before came back at full force, until she began to gasp for air.
All Kasumi could think about in that moment was that something was definitely wrong, something other than strange missing fish and reconciliations. Something out of her grasp, like the fact that she hadn't seen or heard from Jiraiya in years or that three of her favorite people were out doing something that could potentially end badly, and how all of it was wrong. She felt as if someone was holding her head under water, as if her lungs would explode from the imaginary water they were breathing in.
She faintly felt Shisui's arms wrap around her shoulders and under her knees, quickly picking her up before flickering out of his house. She could hear the fear in his voice as he repeatedly apologized and reassured her that she'd be fine, that he was there with her, and she managed to wrap her arms around his neck, tears falling rapidly and leaving a trail down the fabric of his shirt.
In an instant they were entering a house that looked similar to his, but larger, and a woman that looked like a younger version of his mother was taking her into what looked like a guest bedroom. She could make out their conversation, his frantic tone as he explained what happened and her reassuring one as a paper bag was placed over her mouth and nose.
When she finally got her breathing under control, she could do nothing more but cling to Shisui, the feeling of having lost something important weighting heavy on her heart. Too weak to offer the sweet woman any sort of thanks, she let him do the talking, and when he picked her up in the same manner he had when she was suffering from the attack, she whispered a thank you to his ear.
They made their way back to his home through the now empty streets of the compound, and she was glad he had decided not to flicker them back, the fresh air hitting her still clammy skin making her feel a bit better. "Mikoto said it was a panic attack, does that happen often?"
She wanted to tell him the truth, to let him know how fucked up she'd been feeling for a while now, how her emotions were all over the place and panic attacks were all too familiar now, but she shook her head and lied. Whether he believed her or not he didn't say, and she couldn't tell, but she felt his grip around her tighten a bit and saw the way his jaw locked. "I shouldn't have avoided you."
"Stop it." The words came out a bit shakier, and before he could protest, she placed a hand over his mouth. "It's not your fault, I don't blame you for it."
The relieved look in his eye let her know he understood that he could see she was sincere, and he said nothing. When they got back to his house, the sun was beginning to set, and even though she'd only had half a piece of melonpan to eat for the whole day, she didn't feel any hunger whatsoever. As if he'd read her thoughts, he murmured for her to stay while he made dinner, and she nodded her head before heading out back towards the pond, where the two white boxes sat on the engawa.
She picked up the one with the food for the koi, spilling the contents into the water as she watched the fish gather below, and when she noticed the fish that had been missing earlier come out from behind a bush hanging over the pond and join the others, an uneasy feeling settled in the pit of her stomach.
"I hope you don't mind miso soup." She quickly tore her eyes away from the fish and joined Shisui at the table, thoughts of bad omens and her precious people fading to the back of her mind as she forced herself to eat and conversed comfortably with the boy beside her.
…
I forgot to mention it last time, but the song Kasumi was 'writing' is a real song by the amazing Halsey, which you should definitely check out if you haven't already. The name of the song is 'Forever… (is a long time)' from her new album titled 'Manic', which is where I got the name for the story. Why do you think Kasumi suffered a panic attack? Do you think Fugaku was right about the koi? The events of this chapter happen three years after last chapter, so Kasumi and Shisui are 8, Rin and Obito are 13, and Kakashi is 12.