a/n: Can y'all believe I actually made it to 19 chapters... it's going to be over soon!
19. memory
Gintoki saw himself in a room. They hadn't allowed him to come in, saying he'd only bring bad luck if he did, but regardless, he'd been pacing down the corridor, waiting for news.
Hopefully, it was the good sort.
Finally, a kind-hearted woman had slid open the door, beaming rays of happiness.
"Well?" Gintoki had asked her urgently. "How is... she?"
"Have a look," she said, her eyes twinkling.
And he had, cautiously entering the room with his heart beating quicker and quicker with every step that he took. It smelled like soap and antiseptic.
For a moment, he simply looked, and had wished for nothing more, for it was her.
She was lost in her own little world, as she cradled her newborn baby.
Their son.
Something that beautiful had been created with their love. Instead of taking away a life, he'd had created one, and had given it a new shape and form.
He didn't think it was possible to cry tears of happiness, thinking it'd been simply a turn of phrase only found in sappy novels, but it was. Before he recognized the wetness in his eyes, she had seen him, and she had smiled gently at him.
"Gintoki," she said softly, her voice sweet and low.
His throat had closed with the ache of emotion inside of him, and he simply nodded, trying to banish the lump in his throat. Their son, he thought.
Some part of him felt like none of this could be real. He took a step towards her, eyes still misty.
"Do you want to hold him?"
Slowly he made his way to the bed, and sat on it, his arms stretching cautiously as she handed him their baby.
"You owe me 300 yen," she told him, with a mischievous grin.
He'd been convinced that any brat of his would be subjected to his monstrous perm, and they'd placed their bets. But the baby, whose tiny lids were fluttering, had straight hair the color of platinum gold. It was not quite an exact match compared to either of their respective heads, but a perfect mix - and he'd swallowed. He'd been trying to be cool, still trying to reassure himself that whatever they had, the time that they had shared collectively until now, to result in this - hadn't been a huge mistake for her.
"Shut up," he muttered, his throat still constricted. She then laughed at him; a beautiful sound, husky and deep.
-x-
A thousand kilometres away, the real Sakata Gintoki had woken up. He'd blinked slowly, the ceiling coming into view. He was alone, and now keenly felt the absence of the two people he'd seen in his dream.
"What the fuck… ?" he muttered, keeping his arm pressed to his eyes, trying his best to squash the unwanted pangs of longing that began to swell.
It'd just been a dream.
So why had it felt so real?
Gintoki rubbed his eyes slowly, trying to calm down, back to reality.
That dream had no chance of happening. He couldn't conceive of a future where he wasn't branded a war criminal on Earth - couldn't even think of a time where someday he could even strive to have such ordinary dreams like having a family, of all things...
Much less with a person he'd already cut ties off.
He sighed quietly, unable to cast off the wave of melancholy deep inside his chest.
For some reason, such happy, innocent dreams caused him more pain than the ones that took place in reality, where he couldn't save the ones that had already departed. Was it because of the lost potential? The bittersweetness of what could have been?
Jittery, he clambered out of his seat, the windows offering a moment of respite for his troubled mind. With the stars twinkling all around the ship, it was hard to tell if the spaceship was moving forwards or backwards. Kankou was still awake, sitting in the pilot's chair; the ark set on autopilot until they would reach his planet.
"Were you praying to the moon goddess?"
"Huh?"
"You were saying a name."
"It was nothing," he replied dismissively, though he was glad that the darkness meant that Kankou couldn't see his face clearly.
The spaceship continued its serene pace, not yet reaching its destination. He knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep for a long time. And so, he continued to stare at the stars, their rays of light already dead on arrival.
-x-
Rakuyo reminded him of the lost villages stranded after a raid. There was an inherently dirty look to it, as if it spoke of broken dreams and lost potential from long ago. No one had bothered cleaning up the destroyed buildings, a result of the clashing factions on the planet and the masses of space criminals on the run for some reason or another. It certainly wouldn't have been Gintoki's first pick to raise a family here.
Who'd want to move to this shithole? he found himself thinking, but Kankou took off his helmet despite the light drizzling of rain, taking a deep breath.
Home was home, after all.
"Keep your wits," was the only thing he told Gintoki once they skimmed the edge of the city, and he docked his spaceship at a local terminal.
A few citizens had raised their heads once they saw him trekking in the streets.
"Welcome back, Umibouzu," one of them said, and they'd given him a short bow. He'd nod, acknowledging them for a second before steadily heading towards a small building that seemed a bit warmer and cozier to look at than the other ones next to it.
He raised his fist on the door and knocked thrice.
It opened.
A little girl, with shining blue eyes and two hair buns came running out. With joy, she leapt into Kankou's arms.
"Papi!" she shouted, her laugh sparkling.
-x-
"Kagura, this is Gintoki. Gintoki, this is my daughter and the apple of my eye."
"Nice to meet ya," he said, and was nearly steamrolled when she gripped his hand with the strength of a mountain gorilla. She grinned in response, blissfully aware of his agony.
A beautiful woman, dressed in a white cheongsam, had slowly made her way to the doorstep. Kagura leapt out of her father's arms, choosing instead to take her mother's hand, pulling her forwards with enthusiasm.
"Mami, look! We have a guest!"
"So I see," the woman said, smiling at Gintoki. Her skin was pale, but there was an ageless wisdom in her blue eyes as she met his gaze. "It's very nice to meet you."
It was one of Kouka's better days, health wise. She'd taken a medical-grade cough suppressant as soon as she saw Kankou walk towards their home.
She'd been cooking meat buns that rainy afternoon, piping hot from the bamboo steamer while she watched her daughter play with her husband. She knew it wouldn't last long - that he'd eventually cavort off to space again - but still, her heart warmed at the warm display of parental affection. Dutifully, she served her family lunch, giving them all the illusion of a perfectly healthy, if somewhat frail, housewife.
As for the stranger that Kankou had brought home, she thought he seemed somewhat lonely, bereft at something deep inside his heart. She was no stranger to loneliness herself, and though he had been able to make small conversation with him throughout lunch, she knew there was something ruminating on his mind.
Still, she wasn't one to pry, and she'd fixed him a cup of coffee after clearing the dishes away. It was hot and strong, and on request, mixed with four spoonfuls of sugar.
"I have some news," she announced, and the two of them turned to look at her in the middle of a rather violent game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Gintoki was in the middle of sipping his hot beverage.
With a gentle smile, she said, "I know where Kamui is."
Kagura shrieked, an unholy sound that almost made Gintoki drop his mug. "Mami, where's Onii-chan?" she asked, jumping up and down.
"Now, Kagura-chan, calm down," Kankou said reprovingly, but even Gintoki could tell he was excited.
"I believe this place is called Yoshiwara."
Now Gintoki dropped the mug of coffee he'd been drinking for real, and it shattered into a hundred pieces, slopping the hot liquid all around the floor.
"Sorry!" he apologized, flustered.
"That's quite all right," Kouka said sensibly, and rushed out to get a dust pan for the broken pieces, sweeping them neatly into a pile. "Don't worry," she said kindly, as she crouched down with a rag, soaking up the coffee. "You're our guest. Pay it no mind."
She wrung the rag out over the sink, and then wiped her hands clean with a kitchen towel. "As I was saying, someone sent me a letter and photo of Kamui. Apparently this woman says she actually met you before, Kankou - "
"Who?"
"Tsukuyo. Here, she wrote me a letter..."
Gintoki, very discreetly, had shifted his body so that he wouldn't have to meet anybody's eye.
Kankou had furrowed his eyebrow. "Ah... why does that ring a bell? She does sound familiar, to be fair..."
"Do you remember Abuto?" Kouka asked. "I think he's taking good care of Kamui, in any case."
"Oh. That kid that my son kept picking fight with - yeah, I remember him..."
There was a tension in the air that was hard to miss. Although Kouka personally believed her marriage had been the best risk she'd taken, that didn't mean things were perfect.
She cleared her throat darkly. "Gintoki, do you mind playing with Kagura-chan for a bit?"
-x-
Gintoki had tried his best to play a game of jacks with Kagura in the backyard, but it didn't quite manage to drown out the shouting between her parents.
"Are they always like that?" he asked the little girl, who was throwing the rubber ball so hard against the fence that if it weren't for his inhuman reflexes, would have been impossible to catch.
"Yeah," she said. "It got worse when Mami got really sick. Can I call you Gin-chan?"
"Sure."
"How did you meet Papi?"
"He wanted me to meet your mom," he said, and scooped the jacks into his hands. "He liked me so much and said that he wanted to introduce me to your family."
"Oh?" Now Kagura frowned deeply, as if she didn't believe him. "I thought he was going to bring back Onii-chan. That's what he promised last time he was here."
"Sometimes a grown up can try their best without meeting a deadline, but that doesn't always mean they broke their promise," Gintoki said. "Your turn."
Kagura held the ball in her hand before dropping it with relative disinterest. "Can I tell you a secret, Gin-chan?"
"Sure."
"Mami wants us to all move to Earth. But Papi won't let us." Kagura put her tiny hand into the pocket of her silk pants, choosing to drop half lotus onto the grass. "He says there's a bad man over there."
"And he's right."
"But if my Papi is the strongest fighter in the galaxy, why can't he fight the bad man?"
Gintoki walked over and sat down next to Kagura. "Sometimes there are really strong bad guys out there. Your Papi is trying to get a lot of strong guys like me to fight him. That's all."
"Then he's taking too long," Kagura said. "By the time Papi gets finished with all of that, Mami is going to... "
She burst into tears.
He was alarmed, and tried to look around frantically for a nearby handkerchief, but there was none. And he certainly wasn't going to burst into their home in the middle of some domestic argument for one.
But Kagura seemed unperturbed, preferring to wipe her snot with one of her sleeves. It seemed as soon as her emotional outburst was done, she was able to stop it. Although he was somewhat grateful for it, surely this wasn't a normal thing for children to be able to do.
"Hey, your mother is way stronger than that," Gintoki said. "She's not gonna let the flu beat her that easily."
"It's not a flu!" Kagura cried out, sniffing. "She's been sick ever since I was born."
She curled into a little ball, head tucked in between her arms. In that moment, he had felt quite sorry for her, even though he didn't know how to comfort her.
"It's really my fault," she mumbled. "I shouldn't have been born... I was the one who made Mami sick, so Papi tried to help her, but then, Onii-chan ran away from home and now everyone's unhappy..."
"That's not... " Gintoki swallowed. "Kagura, it's not your fault."
She poked her little head out, twisting it sideways to look at Gintoki. "They think I don't know anything, but that's not true."
"I don't know much about anything," he admitted freely. "I never had a family like yours - I never had a mother or father. But I don't think you did anything wrong."
"You think so?"
"I know so." He took out a piece of string, and tied a knot so the two ends of it were joined together. "Ever played cat's cradle?"
-x-
Outside of the Shogun's meeting, an old man had patiently sat beside the sliding door. After verifying the security of the premises inside, Tsukuyo had chosen to quietly excuse herself, thinking there might have been risks outside of the teahouse. Hattori was already a competent ninja of his own accord, and he'd see to it that the Shogun would remain safe inside the compound. The moonlight had cast a spell over the red light district, adding a mysterious quality to the little city.
"You needn't worry about me, Shinigami Dayuu," the old man had told her kindly. "I come in peace."
"Who are you?" she asked bluntly. One of her hands still clung to a kunai, and her eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"I, Rotten Maizou? Simply his caretaker," he said. He shook a sleeve; it flapped uselessly in the night air. "You see, I don't have an arm to even defend myself properly, should you choose to attack."
A man with no arm...
Why did it ring a bell in her head? Her mind furiously whirled, trying to pinpoint the memory.
When it finally came to her, the kunai she'd been holding dropped to the ground with an empty clang.
Lady Suzuran's lover!
She swallowed. "... Forgive me," she said, reaching for her weapon and tucking it away in her sleeve. "I don't mean to insult you."
He laughed. "No need. To be fair, it is rather dangerous in these parts of town... " Some sort of sentimental feeling had been lit inside him, giving his face a warmth that shone brightly despite the darkness of the night. "Or at least, the last time I was in such a place, it was a bit dangerous to be in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"You remember the old Yoshiwara?"
He smiled. "How could I forget? Before the Amanto came here, it was a floating city; filled with dreams beyond compare."
"Do you remember the courtesans from those olden days?" she asked, hoping against hope. Suzuran had still insisted on the monthly visits to the surface, and though Tsukuyo had assigned other members of the Hyakka to trail her as of lately, nothing as promising as the man before her had turned up...
Until now.
"I do," he said pleasantly. "In fact, I was hoping to see one of them tonight, but my duty as Shogun's caretaker demands that I cannot indulge an old man's wish..."
"What was her name?" Tsukuyo asked, her voice trembling.
"The inimitable Suzuran-dayuu... do you know of her?"
She let out a breath. "Wait here."
-x-
Tsukuyo had quickly ran to the house where the elder woman would normally be living in, and when she arrived to the door, she panted, trying to calm her dizzying heartbeat before knocking on it. She wasn't even sure if Lady Suzuran would be awake at an hour - retired courtesans preferred to wake up at normal times - but this would have been a once in a lifetime opportunity. She owed it to Hinowa to make this happen, at the very least.
The door opened, and Suzuran came out, still looking somewhat pristine and unbothered at the intrusion; she smelled like the camellia oil that all of the entertainers rubbed into their skin to remove their makeup at the end of the night. Perhaps her habits had never changed, Tsukuyo mused to herself. The fantasy, after all, was that a courtesan had to look impeccable at all times. How much reality blurred into the fantasy was up to the courtesan herself, but Suzuran was a legendary figure in her own right.
And legends never died, anyway.
"My, my, to what do I owe the pleasure of a visit from the moon goddess herself?" she teased. Some traces of her old beauty were still there.
"I... " Tsukuyo was finding a hard time to come up with the words to describe the situation. "The man with no arm. Do you remember him?'
-x-
The moon shone brilliantly, drowning out the neon lights of the local establishments. But the couple had only eyes for each other.
"It's been twenty years," he said, as his hand trembled, but placed it on her cheek.
"Twenty years," Suzuran repeated, her eyes misty.
That had been enough for Tsukuyo to know that she had fulfilled her promise, and she had turned away, smiling to herself. In the far distance, she could see the approving grin of Hinowa, even though she had sat far away on a balcony from where Tsukuyo was.
-x-
Despite the obvious differences in position, both of them were pleased that the other hadn't changed much, appearance-wise. The Shogun had already requested Zenzou to not use proper titles, but old habits were hard to break.
"The times are tumultuous," Shigeshige said. They were now playing a game of shogi. "I know my uncle didn't treat the Oniwabanshu the way he should have, but... "
Zenzou shrugged. "My old man was about to retire anyway. From what I hear, Jiraia's a reformed ninja now."
"I see... But you are interested in being my ally?"
"Shogun-sama, it would be an honor," Zenzou said, and placed a bishop onto a blank square. "But I'm afraid someone's been ahead of you, Shigeshige."
"How so?"
"Matsudaira has already commissioned us as one of your allies."
"Ah. So again, I've been left in the dark again..." Shigeshige frowned, and pushed one of his knights ahead, capturing Zenzou's pawn. "Since when?"
"Probably... three months ago. Before your coronation. He didn't want to go against your uncle, you see."
"More and more, I've been finding out that my uncle has been the cause of so many to be in misery." Shigeshige clenched his fist. "What I've learned is that I don't want to be like him."
Zenzou appraised the noblemen with a cool look. "You could argue he had to make the only choice he had. Obviously, our human forces combined were no match for the Amanto - "
"But to persecute our own people..." The Shogun sighed. "The other day, some of his old advisors told me I ought to order the deaths of these old samurai. You see... they'd been in charge of a prison... "
"And?"
"By accident, there was a prison break. Rumors had it that one of the strongest alien hunters in the universe wanted to break the Shiroyasha out of there for reasons unknown. How were mortal men supposed to prevent that from happening?"
The ninja considered it. "But the failure to do so does make the Bakufu look weak."
Shigeshige shook his head sadly. "We've already lost so many samurai to the hands of our supposed allies. If we keep up this precedent, we'll lose the fundamental meaning of what we stood for in the past. If the leaders of this country can't see eye to eye with the common man, the people will never trust us."
He pushed his bishop ahead, and captured one of Zenzou's pieces.
"I talked to the Asaemon clan already, but thankfully their head agrees with me."
"Ikeda Asaemon?"
"Yes. One of the last few, loyal clan heads I can trust in."
"You know what your problem is, Shogun-sama?"
"Hm?"
"You're a fundamentally good man working in a twisted system."
"So I've heard," Shigeshige remarked. "Perhaps I could say the same about you."
"Unfortunately, we were born into it; I didn't have a choice in the matter, and neither did you."
"That's why I need you to be my eyes and ears," Shigeshige said. "I want to build a new country and take it in a new direction after this dreadful war is over. Our people have suffered so much already."
Zenzou smiled, and pushed his piece into a new square. A delighted Shogun claimed checkmate. Once he had, they put the pieces away; it wouldn't bode well for the Shogun to linger too long away from the palace. Although Kagemaru made an excellent double in times where Shigeshige wanted to escape the castle, there were a few important meetings he'd have to attend next morning.
"Did you remember our old promise?" Zenzou finally asked, meeting the nobleman's eye.
"Of course I have."
If I ever become Shogun, I would wish to fight along your side for the sake of the country.
"I'm glad you did."
Rising up, they turned to the door. Tsukuyo was smoking her kiseru as they went outside.
"Where's Maizou?" The Shogun asked, putting his hood over his head so it would disguise him.
The moon of Yoshiwara simply smiled. "Playing around. I told him that Hattori-san would be escorting you home."
"Ah. Well, it has been a while since he's had a day off..." He peered curiously at his surroundings. "Please give my regards to him if you see him anytime soon."
He gave her a short bow before leaving.
-x-
Katsura would have been mortified at the treatment of his eye, but Takasugi didn't care. It was good as gone; whether or not it healed properly wouldn't have made a difference, and so every time it started to scab over, he'd peel the skin off, liking the way it stung as a constant reminder of what he'd sacrificed. The more important thing was whether he was able to kill, and he still could; he found that despite the lack of depth perception, it'd been mostly fine. Some adjustments had to be made, but as a swordsman of the highest caliber, he'd adapted even with the loss of his eye.
For a while, he'd been hunting down Amanto carefully - the few men who'd been alive in the last skirmish with the Kiheitai had already been contacted by Katsura. He himself had no interest in regrouping, though; he was more intent on eliminating every one of the crows that he could find.
If that meant assassinating every damned government official that was unfortunate enough to come across his way, so be it.
His life had meant very little to him until recently; he wouldn't have been hellbent on a path of vengeance if certain things hadn't happened. And yet, the memory of his teacher cautioning against that very fate was the only thing that kept him from completely sinking into a pit of despair. Other men lost themselves in the pursuit of drink, or money, but his particular vice happened to be revenge.
Inadvertently, he'd been subconsciously making his way to somewhere he hadn't been to in years, ever since he and his so-called band of brothers had joined the war.
Shoka Sonjuku.
As expected, the roads that had led there were as desolate the day the school had burned to the ground. The entrance still stood there as an eternal reminder of what they had left, the place where it had all started, and ultimately would have ended.
He stood under the doorway, a hand placed gently on the frame. For a solitary moment of peace, he was lost in the ocean of his memory.
Sensei... I hope you're doing well.
His nostalgia didn't last long, though, for he'd heard someone rustling behind him.
Instantly his hand gripped the handle of his sword, ready to cut at an instant's notice.
It was him.
With his sunken eyes, he'd stared at Takasugi, his gaze deep and knowing. A crow rested on his shoulder, a silent witness to their unexpected encounter.
"Takasugi Shinsuke... " he said, his voice low and dangerous. "I've been waiting for you."
-x-
- tbc -
-x-
a/n: Thank you for continuing to read and review, it is much appreciated! I've had a really busy week but happily I managed to crank this chapter out in time LMAO. As always, let me know what you think!