Notes: Wrote what can only be classified as 600 words of dialogue whilst trying to avoid doing work. Because, reasons. Oh, and thank you to my lone reviewer, what a kind and generous soul you are.

Kiba

"Dude, your ego is really doing a number on you," the brunet said amiably, taking a large sip of his drink. "Have you thought about just asking?"

"Oh wow, why didn't I think of that?" Sasuke replied sarcastically, wondering why he thought it was a good idea to take advice from an idiot.

"Clearly you're not nearly as smart as I am." Kiba retorted and leaned over, whispering to Sasuke conspiratorially "but seriously, you're making this a bigger deal than it needs to be."

"Right."

"I'm serious, ask him, if he says no then he says no." the teen argued, shrugging as if he thought that should bring the matter to a close.

"That's easy for you to say, you don't have anything riding on this." The Uchiha accused, slowly swirling the amber liquid in his glass.

"Well, seeing as I'm the one he's going to be bitching at about this if it all goes to shit, I'd have to argue that you're wrong there."

"Pretty sure he'll find an excuse to bitch even if I don't say anything."

"I'll drink to that." Kiba said happily, raising his glass in a mock salute.

"You'll drink to anything."

"True!" the brunet laughed, once again sipping from his beer "You guys already act like you're married anyway; you just aren't fucking. Can't be that difficult."

"I'd prefer it if it was the other way around." Sasuke confessed, wondering why he was being so open to someone who could very easily tell his business to everyone if it suited him. Perhaps he had had too much to drink already. Kakashi always accused him of being a lightweight, maybe he was correct.

"Dude, you're oversharing." Kiba protested, his face contorting in mild aversion.

"I'm not the one that brought sex into the equation." The Uchiha replied, shrugging.

"I know man, but still. I'm trying to eat this beer; I don't need that kind of imagery-"

"We're veering off track here." Sasuke interjected "What would I even say to him? How do I bring it up?"

"Just say, 'hey babe, care to fuck?'" the other teen paused, grinning triumphantly "Simple. Easy. Classy."

"That may actually be the dumbest thing you've ever said," Sasuke sighed and slowly took a sip of his drink in exasperation. "How do you even have a girlfriend?"

"I'd like to think that it's my natural charm and movie star good looks." Kiba said smugly, grinning at the Uchiha.

"Uh huh."

"Anyway, as I was saying! Maybe start with, 'I like ya, and I want ya.'"

"That's fucking stupid too. Not to mention it sounds vaguely creepy."

"Vaguely creepy is you in a nutshell dude, I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is that 'vaguely creepy' is not exactly the vibe I'm going for here. I'm trying to get laid."

"Exactly, you're trying to get some tail; do what comes natural to you."

"You're fucking awful at giving at advice, what's wrong with you?"

"Screw you, I'm the best at giving advice, that is why you came to me after all."

"No, it really isn't. Sakura was busy and you're the first person I ran in to. Besides, you only came here because I mentioned the slight possibility of free drinks."

"Irrelevant." The brunet burst out loudly "I'm practically your guru. Your love guru if you will." He continued, wiggling his brows suggestively. Sasuke rolled his eyes. "And you've yet to make good on your offer of free drinks by the way."

"You know what? Shut up and finish your drink. You never know, maybe I might consider paying for your refill." The Uchiha said, lazily tracing a drop of condensation on his glass with his finger. He was beginning to question every single action that had led him to the point in his life where he was willing to ask Kiba for dating advice.

"That is no way to speak to your spiritual guide. And seeing as you want advice on how to romance my friend, you gotta be nicer to me."

"Whatever." Sasuke said with an air of finality, wondering who should be next on his list of people to talk to about his issue because clearly Kiba was insane.

TBC

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