Sorry this took so long, its been a crazy week or so. I've been so sick for quite a while, and its just gotten worse. Anyway, enjoy this.

Olivia has decided to cash in on some sick days, she was having trouble dealing with everything and didn't want to leave the house. She lay in bed and saw Trevor come in. "I'm fine," she whispered and looked up at him.

Trevor looked at her. "You've barely been out of bed for two days. You haven't been eating."

She sat up and rested against the headboard. "I don't feel good," she couldn't meet his eyes.

He sat next to her. "Let me make you some soup? Maybe run you a bath after, help you get washed up?"

Olivia looked at him. "I'm not a child," she snapped.

Trevor cradled his face in her hands. "You aren't a child, Olivia. You're still grief stricken, and that's okay, but you've got to take care of yourself."

She looked at him and shook her head. "It's my fault. I didn't see it, I could have—"

He pulled her closer and looked into her eyes. "Don't do that to yourself. It is not your fault. It's no one's fault. Tucker knew he was dying, Liv, and he wanted to die with some dignity. It is not your fault. You have to believe that."

Olivia broke down in sobs and fell into his chest. "Why didn't he tell me? He knew he was sick when we were together and he didn't tell me." She felt him pick her up and she cried into his neck.

Trevor rubbed her back. "It's alright. I'm right here. Let it out. I've got you." He kissed the side of her head. "How about we get you in a bath, maybe it'll help you feel better?"

She looked up at him. "Bathe with me?" Her eyes were pleading. "And just, help me and hold me?"

He stood up and carried her to the bathroom. "Anything for you." He set her on the floor and ran the bath, then started helping her undress. Once her clothes were off he undressed, he kissed her forehead. "Okay, I'm going to help wash you, okay? And I'm going to hold you, but nothing else. Not now, okay? You need to take care of you. Get you cleaned up, have you eat, and we'll just lay in bed. You and me, that's it. Lucy has Noah, so all we need to worry about is you."

Olivia nodded. Once the tub was full, Trevor turned off the water and helped her climb in before climbing in himself, holding her. "Am I that hard to talk to?" She asked no one in particular. "Do I just have a sign on my forehead that says 'lie to me' or something?"

Trevor kissed her shoulder. "Liv?"

She rested against him and closed her eyes. "My two most recent exes, Cassidy and Tucker, they both kept something from me. And it wasn't like it was… it wasn't something inconsequential. Both were big things, things you share with someone you love. Cassidy… that's not my story to tell. But Tucker? Tucker knew he had lung cancer before we got together and he didn't say anything. Am I just a terrible person to talk to?"

He held her tighter. "Hey, it wasn't right for them to keep the big stuff from you, you deserve better."

Olivia looked at him. "You wouldn't keep anything from me would you?"

Trevor caressed her face. "Never."

She moved closer to him and kissed him softly, he pulled back. "I know, no sex. I just… can I just kiss you?"

He pulled her in for a sweet kiss, pulling her to straddle him, not to move the kiss along, just so they were both comfortable. He held her tight and broke the kiss gently. "Let me wash your hair? Your body?"

Olivia smiled and blushed. "Yeah." She moved to sit in front of him again and he gently tilted her head back as he poured water over her hair. She felt his fingers massage shampoo into her scalp and she moaned gently. "Oh, you are never getting out of doing this."

Trevor smiled and kissed her neck gently. "Never want to," he whispered. He rinsed her hair, making sure there were no suds left. He then ran the conditioner through her hair. "So beautiful," he whispered, grabbing her body wash. "Stand up, baby. Let me wash you," he whispered.

She gasped at the intimacy of it all. She stood up and saw him stand too, he kissed her lips, starting to wash her shoulders. His hands ran over her chest, she closed her eyes and kept her composure as his hands massaged the soap over her breasts. He knelt down and moved his hands over her abdomen, looking up at her, her head thrown back. "Trev," she whispered.

His hands moved down, gently touching and cleaning as he went along, moving around to grip her ass. He stood up as he washed her back and he kissed her softly. "You're stunning, Olivia. Your skin is so soft."

Olivia looked into his eyes. "Okay, it is so not fair that you turned me on as much as you did just from washing my body and my hair and you're not going to do anything about it." She gave a small chuckle.

Trevor smiled and helped her sit back down, helping her rinse the soap off her body in the parts that weren't quite covered with water. He then rinsed the conditioner out of her hair and kissed her neck. "Not yet," he whispered. "I still have more to do to take care of you."

She felt tears in her eyes. "You are amazing, Trevor Langan," she whispered. "I— you're amazing," she smiled.

He helped her climb out of the tub, climbing out after her, wrapping her in a towel after drying her off. He wrapped a towel around his waist. "How about I pull your hair into a messy bun, make us some food, and after we eat I'll give you a massage, help you relax," he whispered, holding her tightly.

Olivia smiled and looked at him. "That sounds… amazing." She kissed him gently, her arms wrapped around him. "Not to sound redundant," she whispered and cradled his face in her hands. "Let me help you relax, Trev? You've been taking such good care of me, let me take care of you," she whispered and kissed him again, pushing the towel from his hips, her hands running down his chest, shedding her own towel, pressing her body against his.

Trevor broke the kiss and looked into her eyes, caressing her face. "You don't need to, Olivia."

She gave a coy smile. "I know I don't have to. I want to." She felt his lips on her neck and she let out a moan. "Oh, Trevor," she whispered. "Mm." She closed her eyes and relished the feeling of his lips on her skin.

He took her hands and brought her to the bedroom. "Massage first," he whispered and had her lay on her stomach on the bed. He found some massage oil, rubbing it in his hands to warm it up, straddling her hips, starting to massage her shoulders, working the knots out of them. "You're so tight," he whispered, kissing the back of her neck.

Olivia groaned. "That feels so good," she whispered, smiling at the double entendre about her being tight. She felt him move down her back, moving off her hips, picking them up, Olivia looked back at him, feeling his hands knead her ass. "Oh!" She bit her bottom lip. "Trevor," she gasped and buried her head in the mattress. "Oh, my God! Please!" She begged. "I need you," she whined.

Trevor rolled her onto her back and looked into her eyes. "Let me taste you," he whispered.

She sat up and pushed him onto his back. "Let's taste each other, hm?" She straddled his head and leaned over him, licking up his shaft, taking him fully into her mouth.

He groaned and started to suck her clit. She moaned and let him go, something shifted in Olivia, he felt it. He immediately stopped and moved so he could look in her eyes, she was staring through him, looking dazed. "Liv?" He asked and caressed her face. "Liv, baby?" He held her tight and stroked her hair.

Olivia looked up at him a few minutes later. "What happened?"

Trevor held her tighter. "I don't know. We were being intimate and you just kind of… stared off into space. Stared through me."

She hung her head. "I'm sorry, that must have been scary for you."

He kissed her forehead. "What happened there, Liv?"

Olivia took a deep breath. "I um, I dissociated. I should have seen it coming. It doesn't happen as much as it used to, but every now and then…" she shrugged. "Not all the time but um, when I get to a point like I'm at now, when I'm really depressed, I use sex as a defense mechanism. Mainly for myself. I know that loss of libido is a symptom of depression, so in my mind, if I can fake wanting sex, then I'm not depressed, and it doesn't usually end well."

Trevor ran his fingers through her hair. "Oh, baby," he whispered. "I didn't know."

She shook her head. "Don't. I'm not mad at you, I don't blame you. And I am endlessly grateful that you stopped when you realized something was wrong."

He ran his fingers down her back. "I would never," he whispered.

Olivia smiled. "I know." She nuzzled into him. "I'm sorry I didn't say something earlier. I—" she stopped and shook her head. "I'm just used to having to act normal, act functional. I sometimes forget that I'm not alone and I don't have to wear a brave face all of the time."

Trevor kissed the top of her head. "Are you okay?"

She shrugged. "This depression stage of grief is kicking my ass," she closed her eyes and listened to his heart. "I'm a little hungry," she whispered. "I'm exhausted."

He lay down with her and kissed her kiss softly. "How about you rest, I'll make us something to eat, we can eat in here and then I'll hold you while you sleep?"

Olivia caressed his face. "You're too good to me," she whispered and smiled gently. "I'm sorry I scared you," she whispered. "And I'm sorry that I use sex as a coping mechanism. I haven't for a while, I just… I needed some control. Depression… it takes away any control, and I hate that feeling."

Trevor caressed her face. "Don't ever apologize for coping the only way you know how, how about we figure out a way for you to get some healthy coping mechanisms under your belt?"

She nuzzled into him. "I suppose I should make a few more appointments with Lindstrom then, hm?"

He kissed her forehead. "Probably for the best," he whispered. "Come on, let me make you something to eat. Whatever you want."

Olivia smiled. "How about we order in Mexican and cuddle on the couch? I just want to be in your arms as much as possible," she kissed his cheek. "I haven't told you nearly as much as I should, but you… you've been my rock through all of this and I can't thank you enough. When I start thinking I could have and should have done something to help him, to stop him, you're right there to remind me that this isn't my fault. You're there to hold me and kiss me," she whispered. "I don't remember the last time I felt this happy, and this relaxed with a boyfriend." She looked into his eyes. "Not even Tucker. Sure I was happy, but I was tense all the time, thinking it was all going to come crumbling down at my feet because I wasn't giving him enough time because of Noah and my job. It's ultimately what broke us up." She nuzzled into his neck. "But with you… God, Trev, with you… even though I still have Noah and the job, I don't feel like I'm neglecting you."

Trevor kissed the back of her hand and over her palm. "You're not neglecting me. I understand the crazy hours, hell, most of the time, now that you're Captain, you have more predictable hours than I do." He held her close. "Let's go order food, and then I want to hold you. And kiss you. And I never want to stop doing either."

She smiled and straddled him, kissing him softly, climbing off of him. "I never want you to stop doing any of it, Trevor," she whispered, running her fingers gently over his lips. "Never," she kissed just below his ear.

A/N: Leave a review, and I'll see you all in the next update.