"Sometimes we have to let go of what's killing us, even if it's killing us to let go."

What I hadn't expected was to survive.

I didn't expect for one moment all of us to be in a circle singing kumbaya, and the next, to wake up stuck in a bush a few hundred yards away. If you would have told me that all those months ago, I would have told you that you were insane.

But there I was, standing comfortably beside Evergreen, my brown hair flying behind me in the breeze. The tattered shorts I wore stirred around my legs, flowing slightly in the gentle wind—a breeze so different from the one we had experienced what seemed like only hours earlier when the dragon had blasted his hot breath at us.

I was still coming to terms with the fact that it had been seven years since the events that seemed so recent. So much could change in seven years, as demonstrated by my ever changed guildmates. I was supposed to be twenty-eight now. But I was still only twenty-one. I had missed out on seven years of the world, and the only way I could cope with it for now was by pushing the thought to the back of my head and focusing on the present.

But even that was harder than it seemed.

I shook my head, trying to ignore the pessimistic thoughts and focus on something that would keep my head above the water for a moment. I glanced around the boat. Conversation was out of the question for Evergreen and I—at least for the moment. She was too busy staring at the large, white-haired beast of a man at the opposite end, near the bow. I sighed slightly, a mockery of a smile making its way onto my face as I observed the two of them. Elfman and Evergreen would make a lovely couple—if they ever realized how much they cared for one another.

Speaking of couples…

A thought popped into my head, and I glanced around again, searching for any sign of Natsu or his blond partner. I spotted neither. However, I did find a particularly green Dreyar hunching over the side of the boat, his large fist comically shoved in his mouth in an attempt not to vomit.

I couldn't help it—I laughed. But it was the wrong move. Apparently I was closer than I thought to Laxus, and he heard me. He turned his head, shooting me a glare as he continued trying to fight through the nausea. I could only laugh more at his ridiculous appearance, his attempt at being intimidating in such a situation seeming comical to me.

I shoved a hand over my mouth in an attempt to stifle my laughter, and he finally gave up, ignoring me and turning his attention back to not tossing his cookies.

Finally, after sobering up from my bout of mirth, I looked at him again, this time with slight conviction. I took a few steps in his direction, closing the distance between the both of us.

I hesitated a moment, until I finally decided to act as the mature adult I was.

"Listen, I'm sorry about earlier. I was having a really rough day of it, and I ended up taking it out on you. Not to make excuses though—I was still a major ass," I said, my words light and breathy as they hung on the air, lacking their usual poignance and ring.

He didn't look up as he responded, and I could tell that the words were labored. "Took you… seven years to apologize…"

"Hey!" I exclaimed with a laugh. "At least I did apologize, unlike you, Blondie."

"Do I look… like I can apologize at the moment?" He grumbled, and I laughed again.

He glanced up at me again, his face slightly less green than before, but I could see that he was still clearly suffering.

"Not really, no. You look kind of-"

"I look kind of ridiculous, don't I?" He gritted out through his teeth, and I snorted.

"You seem like a pretty ridiculous guy to me." I replied with a shrug, and he might have laughed, were he not so busy cringing. I sighed. "Wendy's got a spell for that you know? Calls it Troia. It works great for anyone who gets motion sick."

"Thanks for the tip." He muttered. But I could tell that he probably wouldn't be consulting the little girl for help anytime soon. This guy was too prideful; you could tell by the way he carried himself. He didn't want to ask anyone for help.

"Don't mention it, Sparky."

He might have complained; he probably would have said something to make me feel stupid about my comment, but I didn't give him enough time. I turned on my heel, walking to the other end of the boat to seek other company.

So much had changed in seven years. It was like walking into an alternate universe—a parallel world—a different dimension. Things were familiar, but hardly anything was the same. Each member of the guild had changed, whether it was in shape or size or ability or intellect—each of them were different now—each of them had been worn down in the passing of time.

And it wasn't just the people.

The guild had all but fallen apart. It was an utter train wreck. Fairy Tail had gone from being the legend to becoming the laughingstock of Fiore, and all in such a short period of time. We were a joke; looked down upon by all.

Our financial status was even more pitiful. Money—there was never enough of it. Everyone in the guild seemed to have a shortage. The bills went without being paid, the rent went without being turned in, the checks were hollow. Our former building in all of its glory had even been repossessed, and yet somehow, we pressed on.

It was pitiful though, seeing the state of everyone after seven years. You'd think, after almost a decade, that they would have at least gotten over our deaths—that they wouldn't still cry over it—that they wouldn't still cling to a shred of hope that we might still be alive. But they clung on, they cried, they hoped, and they continued mourning our loss.

I couldn't imagine living like that, without someone you cared so dearly for, not for so long. If I lost any of my friends, I would probably go through a drastic change of my own. But that was my persona, constantly changing—always keeping you on your toes. Sometimes I didn't notice it. Other times I did.

All the same, today was not a day for change, or deep thought, or even mourning, today was a day for celebration, for we'd finally returned.

I laughed merrily, downing yet another mug of ale in the midst of all the festivities. I could feel my face starting to heat up and my body starting to lose what little coordination I normally had. Apparently I didn't have the highest tolerance for this sort of thing, but it wasn't my fault. I'd never been exposed to alcohol before in my lifetime—how should I have known.

"Hey! Xandria!"

I turned my head at the sound of the cheerful voice, grinning when I saw the man that was waving me over. Standing up, I did my best attempt at swaggering over in his direction, only tottering slightly once in my stride.

"Hellooo Gildarts." I purred once I reached him, placing my hand comfortably on his shoulder. He blinked, surprised by my tone.

"Are you feeling alright?" He asked, and I nodded, a slight smirk growing on my face.

"I'm feeling great now that I'm with you," I said, winking. Gildarts cocked his head, then grinned.

"Have you had something to drink?" He inquired, and I looked away slightly, blushing.

"Nooo…"

He laughed, the deep noise starting from his stomach and gaining sound until finally it burst out of his mouth in a hearty chortle.

"I don't think you've ever been so terrible at lying." He said, shaking his head. I pouted.

"Whatever, Gidlarts."

"Go hang out with Evergreen or something. Or Natsu's girlfriend." He ordered with his typical grin. "It's not that I don't mind your flirting—I think it's cute—but I don't want to have to deal with your hung-over self-screaming at me in the morning for something I didn't do."

I frowned, but decided to listen to the man. He was no fun anyways. I'd be better off seeking out some of my girlfriends and even more liquor.

So that's what I did.

I woke up with a severe headache. That was the first thing I noticed. The throbbing pain in my head that just wouldn't seem to go away.

I peeled open my eyes, and immediately regretted it, shoving them closed.

A moment passed, and finally I convinced myself to open them again, this time much slower. I cracked them open bit by bit, allowing a small amount of light in at a time.

Once my eyes had adjusted, the full gravity of the situation hit me. Apparently I wasn't the only one that had drunken a bit too much last night. Over half of the guild was lying in an intoxicated sleep on the floor.

I lay away from everyone else, nestled in a corner beside a bottle of booze. Oh well, better in bed with a bottle than a bro.

Shaking my head in an attempt to clear the blinding pain, I stood up, dropping the bottle of liquor on the ground as I did so. It shattered into a thousand pieces, shards of glass flying everywhere and alcohol splashing all over the wooden floor of the guild. The crashing noise woke several members up—and only served to spike my temper.

Apparently a hungover Alexandria was not a happy one.

"Everybody up!" I bellowed, startling almost all of my guildmates into reality. "We've got seven years of suck to make up for! There's no time for lying around!"

I was greeted by hostile stares and empty looks. Several people threw up as they awoke, ridding their bodies of the impurities they had consumed the night before. I scowled at them, and a few scowled back.

"Give us a minute-" Lucy began from her position beside Natsu, their bodies tangled together. As soon as I heard her voice I stepped forward, snatching her up by the wrist. She squeaked in protest, but I ignored her.

"We've gotta go check on our house!" I exclaimed as the thought popped into my head.

And with that I dragged her out of the shabby Fairy Tail building and down the cobblestoned streets of Magnolia.

It'd taken us less than thirty minutes to find out what had happened, and I was less than pleased at what I found.

"Repossessed…" I muttered, shaking my head in mourning.

"At least until we can pay our debt back." Lucy added, trying to be the ray of hope that she was. I gave her a dark look.

"We're never going to be able to pay that much back."

"You never know-"

"Lucy, it's practically seven million jewel!" I exclaimed. "I had barely over four million saved up in my account before we disappeared—and that was only because I went on a shitload of missions."

"So? You have your portion of it all ready to pay. I'll just have to go out on a few extra jobs with Natsu, maybe take out a loan…" She trailed off.

"What I'm saying is that we don't even know if my bank account still even exists. The money that I saved up on all those jobs might not even be there anymore."

"They don't just terminate accounts." She pointed out, and I rolled my eyes.

"Ok, maybe not, but it's still going to be quite hard getting enough money too-"

"Stop being so negative. I'm sure I'll be able to make 4 million by the end of the month. You did it in two." She said, and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm just being realistic." I stated with a sigh. "And I made all that cash back when Fairy Tail got the best requests, now we get the leftovers, so it's going to be pretty hard finding a decent paying job."

"Fine—be negative if you want to. But believe me; I'm going to get this debt paid off." She announced and I nodded.

"Oh I believe you, it's just going to be challenging, that's all." I said with a shrug, earning a scoff from the other girl.

She huffed and then turned away from me, preparing to leave, but I reached out and grabbed her shoulder.

"Wait, Lucy," I began. She turned, giving me a slightly condescending look before finally answering.

"What is it?"

"There's something else I need to tell you." I paused, taking a deep breath. "I was considering this before I left, really. The apartment was starting to seem a little small to me, and I was just starting to want a place to my own. Now that it's been seven years and that my old life with Grimiore Heart is completely over with, it's time for me to start over. So I'm turning over a new leaf and moving out."

"You're what?!"

To say she was shocked would be understatement.

"I'm moving out—you heard me. I'm sure you'll be fine living on your own, and if not then it won't be hard for you to find a new roommate soon enough. I'll be sure to turn in the final payment for my past seven years of rent by the end of today. And you can keep the furniture, or the bed at least, I don't need it. Think of it as my going away present for your next roommate."

"But Xandria-"

"No, please don't make this any harder than it has to be. I've already made up my mind, after all. There will be no changing it."

"Fine. But at least come to visit."

"You make it sound as if I'm moving to another country," I said with a laugh. "Lucy, I'm still going to be a member of Fairy Tail. I'm still going to live near Magnolia. I just need a slight change of scenery is all—somewhere I can slow down my life and start it all over—from the beginning."

"Ok. Just…" She paused, looking down slightly in sadness. "Don't forget about me, please. Don't forget about me and Natsu and the rest of our little team while you're off making new friends."

I reached forward, taking her hand. She tilted her chin, looking up at me, and I smiled slightly.

"I could never forget about you, Lucy. No matter who I become friends with, no matter what I do, I could never forget about you."

She smiled sadly at me.

"Promise?" She prompted, and I nodded, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Promise."

"Ilniyah'sInn." I muttered, shaking my head as I stepped forward on the rugged stone path that preceded the worn down building.

It was like my homecoming. A way for my journey to come full circle. I had already been back to the very start of it all, when I visited the airship and struck Hades down, but now I was visiting another iconic moment on my path to joining Fairy Tail and leaving my childhood.

I had stopped here, just after Magnolia's iconic harvest festival, seven years ago. Just before I joined the guild. Just before I met an asshole named Laxus. I didn't know that this filthy little building would ever mean something to me, and yet here I was, returning to it.

But it still looked wretched. From the partially missing windows, to the rats scampering along the rafters; everything was just how I had left it almost a decade ago. Even the disconcerting brown haze still hung in the air like smog over a city. The smell of cigarette smoke still filled my nose, just as it had when I had visited this place earlier, the vile scent burning the back of my throat and almost causing me to gag.

I reached for the front door, taking the rotten wooden handle in my own hand, and yanked it open, walking into the musty parlor. The wind chime rattled, announcing my presence, and an elderly man looked up from the booking desk, barely acknowledging my presence.

I slapped six thousand jewel down onto the desk.

"This should cover three nights, plus a nice dinner for your family." I said, hiding my face behind the same cloak I had worn when I had visited the first time "I'm taking room number 13."

He didn't say anything, just simply grunted in acknowledgement, and I turned, striding away from him in the direction of my room.

The hall was the same, if anything the wallpaper that had been peeling away had only budged an inch or two. The same yellowed newspaper and magazine articles still hung from the walls, depicting events that had happened far in the past, before even my time. They hadn't bothered to change the shabby little inn in my absence, and for that, I was grateful.

I reached the room and draped myself over the cot, letting my head hang upside-down off the edge of the bed as I began to think over everything. The blood began to rush to my brain, making me lightheaded, but I couldn't care less. None of that mattered now. All that was important right now was the mental—getting everything straightened out in my mind.

It was March 26, and the year was 791, seven years after my disappearance along with most of the other members of Fairy Tail on Tenrou Island. Seven years after we had faced Acnologia. Seven years after we had defeated the members of Grimiore Heart. Seven years after… after Hades had died.

Makarov informed me earlier that day. After I had taken the money out and given my rent to Lucy, after I had visited the local doctor about my abdomen. I had stopped by the guild, to see if there were any acceptable jobs. There weren't. But Makarov had pulled me aside, saying that he wanted to speak for a moment. I obliged and allowed the old man to talk.

That's when he spoke about what the magic council had discovered while searching for us. The Grimiore Heart airship had been destroyed, and lay in pieces a few miles away from the island. And, even though the bodies of its members were never found, they were all assumed dead. Very dead. So dead, in fact, that we wouldn't have to worry about being pestered by Hades ever again. And a part of me was thankful for that.

But another part of me was torn.

My entire life, all twenty-one years of it, had come and gone before me in one day. My past had faced me head on, convicting me of my sins, forcing me to repent, making me take action and fight against those I had once trusted, in order to protect the ones I now loved.

And after paying my debts, after finally—finally breaking free of my chains, I had lost seven years of my life. Time had passed, greatly changing and influencing the world in unimaginable ways.

But here I was—unchanged, lost, and utterly confused.

I no longer had anything to tie me down. I was finally free. And that was what I had always wanted, what I still wanted. But had I truly achieved my goal? Had I gotten the revenge I so craved to have against the one who had inflicted so much pain upon me? My whole life after running away from Grimiore had been centered on killing Hades. And, as sadistic as it sounds, the very thought of giving him what he deserved, of avenging the deaths of my parents, was what made me get by every day.

Some days I had wanted to die. Some days, I had thought that simply offing myself, ending it all then and there and giving myself up to the great unknown would have been easier. I had no hopes, no dreams, no happiness; I simply had a goal, and that was to pay back to Hades tenfold what he had inflicted upon me.

But now…

What would I do with myself? I could stay in Fairy Tail. I could go to a university. I could travel. Traveling certainly sounded lovely. Maybe, just maybe, I could find happiness—now that I wasn't constantly being followed by the shadow of my former father.

Because I hadn't realized it before, but the truth was even though I had ran away from him—Hades had still been just as large of a part of me as he was before. He had been ever present in my mind and heart as I plotted revenge against him. And I was held down by this. Held down until my friends had shown me the light. Held down until I realized how terrible it would be to kill him. Held down until he had tried driving a knife into my own heart in an attempt to kill me. Because in that moment, when the blade penetrated my skin—when I saw the crimson stain spread across my shirt and gush out in a wild spurt of blood—I realized how valuable a life was, and I knew I had made the right decision in not killing him. I realized just how much I would never want to do something like that to even a man as terrible as Hades.

Some may call it weakness, but I would call it strength—my power to make the choice not to take a life, even if it might mean losing my own.

I had seen it that day, in my friends as they came close to death, as they were beaten and bloodied. I had seen it when I had battled Azuma, crying out as I watched him slip away into the trees. I had seen in when I had jumped in front of Laxus in a last ditch effort to protect everyone from Hades himself. I had seen it in myself, when the blade slipped from my hand and clattered to the floor, unwilling.

The value of life. It was everywhere that day—calling out to me, surrounding me, trying to teach me a lesson.

And finally, when I realized this, I was set free.

But what would one do with such freedom?

"Can I change here?" I inquired, earning a sunny nod from the woman manning the cash register. "Thanks."

I grabbed the shopping bag and moved to the back room, stripping the cloak off of myself and throwing it into a corner of the changing room. Removing the clothes I had purchased from the bag I pulled on the loose pants and top. I picked up my former clothes and shoved them into the bag with the other things I had purchased, planning to trash the things I didn't need later.

It had been time for a change. It had been time for a change for a long time, actually, but I was just taking action now. After all, the secret of change is not to focus all of your energy on fighting the old, but on building the new.