"And where do I go?" – Episode 5
Sam, why are you sad Sam? Talk to me. Why won't any of you talk to me? Colonel. Colonel! What happened to you out there? Someone give him a shot of pain killer and get him into surgery before he bleeds out. Sam would kill me if we lost Jack. General Hammond? What happened to them? Why do you look so grim? Why does everyone look so upset? Why is no one listening to me?! Janet's hands flew to her mouth as a body bag is brought through the gate. Oh god, who did we lose?! Please not Daniel. Teal'c! Grab Sam she's going to pass out. Oh god. What happened? Airman, help me get these people off the ramp. My hand… why did my hand pass though you… what... oh… oh no… Cassie… I need to tell Jack to take care of Cassie.
It was a nice service. I liked the story about how we met Sam. Everyone but Jack and Daniel laughed, they cringed, as they should. How brave my girl was accepting my flag.
My sweet little Cassie. So grown now. Being so brave for everyone else when I know how your heart is breaking. Ah, there's our Jack, ever perceptive, checking on you because he sees through your act. If only he were as perceptive of other things. No, wait, good. Sam too and Daniel and Teal'c. My family. Jack will have to take care of all of you now. He always has though. Even when you didn't realize that's what he was doing.
Others are here too as one might expect for such an event. General Hammond. You have been a good commander my dear friend. Always there for me; always supporting me when others would have run roughshod over me. My loyal and ever efficient staff. So many men and women who I trusted with my life and the lives of my friends. Walter and Sly, two sides of the same coin. Loyal, trustworthy, and the only reason many of them were still alive.
My poor Daniel. So lost within yourself. You were so different after you returned from being ascended. The blooming love I'd felt for you tamped down when you didn't recognize who I was to you. Now we'll never have the chance to rebuild that fragile love. I hope some day someone holds your heart gently and loves you the way you deserve my dearest. I will always love you.
My dearest Sam; truest of friends. How am I now to convince you that the man you belong with is the one with his arm over your shoulder right now? Protecting you from your own emotions. Did you invite the cop to be here for you? Did he make excuses as men like him will do? I imagine he did. Telling you he couldn't just drop an investigation for the death of a woman he didn't know, as though losing your best friend is such a little thing. No, better that he has stayed away. The comfort you need isn't in his arms.
And Jack. Colonel O'Neill. Their glue, their support. You who have lost the most of all of us and bravely loves all of us with all your heart because you don't know how to do anything else do you? You love them so much you will sacrifice yourself for them if need be and they you. Let Sam love you. Tell her how you feel before you lose her to a man who only sees her pretty face and not her beautiful soul.
But now I watch you all, unable to touch you. Unable to sooth your hurts or tell you that you are loved. You will have to do that for each other now. Jack you will have to tell Sam you love her yourself. I won't be there to tell her so for you. Cassie, you will have to admit your heart hurts without me there to guess. Jack and Sam don't read you like an open book the way I do. Daniel, you will need to seek out emotional support. I won't be there to guess that you need to be held.
I wish I could ascend like Daniel so I could be with him again one day, to be there for all of you, but that was not in the cards. My death was too sudden, too violent for such things. Instead, I silently watch you all hold each other. Missing me. Loving me. And where do I go? Where do I go?