Fallout
Natasha Carter couldn't remember ever being this angry or hurt when it came to one of her mothers. She couldn't remember fighting with one of them the way she and Peggy were fighting now, an all out screaming match that's lasted almost a solid hour. Sure there had been the typical fights between mothers and daughter when she was a teenager, the kinds of fights that came from the teen wanting to be grown and her mothers wanting her to remain a child for just a little while longer. But this, this was different, deep down under all of her hurt, anger, and confusion, Natasha was actually scaring herself with the why she was yelling at her Mum in the middle of the living room of their faded red brick brownstone in Brooklyn. Without the focus of the mission to distract her, Natasha's emotions over finding out her godfather and aunt were murdered had become a runaway freight train and she felt powerless to stop it.
"You knew!" Natasha yelled, repeating the one thing that kept running through her mind. Peggy had known all along how Howard and Maria Stark had died. "All these years, decades, you knew and you let Tony blame Uncle Howard for it! Do you know how much of Tony's hate and resentment for his father is because he blames Howard for killing his mother!"
"Of course I know!" Peggy yelled back, just as rattled by the fact that she and her daughter were having a screaming match. This whole situation was twisting Peggy up inside, but she was too stubborn to take a step back and try to defuse it. She understood the way Natasha was feeling, the pain of it all, and she knew Tony would feel just as betrayed, and it was killing her inside. But she had made the right call, and she was standing by her choices.
"Then why didn't you tell us!" Natasha demanded.
"He was only a boy! I was protecting him!" Peggy replied, and then took a deep breath and evened out her voice to less of yell, but still kept her hard as steel tone. "Tony didn't know SHIELD even existed when it happened, I couldn't explain it to him then, and after he became Iron Man, with the way he was behaving, I couldn't risk him going out on some revenge rampage that would lead to him getting killed!"
"And what about me?" Came Natasha's next demand. "I've been with SHIELD since I was seventeen, I've had the proper clearance for years, why not tell me?"
"I couldn't put you in that position, Natasha." Peggy answered. "I couldn't ask you to keep this a secret from Tony."
Hurt flashed in Natasha's eyes and across her face. "You didn't trust me. You thought I'd go straight to Tony and tell him, didn't you?" She snorted bitterly. "Ok, fine, but don't you think maybe you should have told me I was sleeping with the man who murdered my aunt and uncle?"
Peggy's dark eyes widened a little as she asked, "That happened once, Natasha. It only happened once, didn't it?"
"I don't know if Fury's gotten around to telling you since he's busy cleaning up the HYDRA op, but we identified the Winter Soldier." Natasha replied instead of answering her mother's question. The fact that her mother didn't trust her hurt more than anything, a hurt she found hard to bare alone. She looked hard into her mother's eyes for a moment, and then her watch sounded an alarm, causing her to look away. It was an Avengers alert. Tony was calling them in, she needed to go. Looking up at her mother, she said, "The Winter Soldier is James Barnes."
"Bucky?" Peggy gasped, her eyes wider than they'd been a moment before. She stood there, shell shocked, until Natasha turned away from her and started to walk away. "Natasha, we are not finished!"
"Avengers business." Natasha replied and then added, "Tony needs me."
"Natasha!" Peggy called after her angry child. "Natasha!"
Natasha slammed the door behind her and when Peggy heard the squeal of her daughter's Corvette as she drove off, she finally let herself give in to the searing burn in her eyes. She stood there in the living room of her home trembling, tears welling and rolling freely down her cheeks. She always knew that if this ever came out into the light of day it would be bad, but nothing she could have ever imagined and tried to prepare for could come close to the way she felt as her daughter glared at her that way.
The top of Stark Tower had been shrouded for weeks behind blacked out scaffolding as the last of the repairs were made to the building following the heavy damage it had taken during the Battle of New York. Tony had been putting in more effort into getting the rest of the city cleaned up and rebuilt, leaving his tower in the sky as a side project of sorts. As the building came into view ahead of her she noticed that the scaffolding seemed to be gone, and as she grew closer and closer she could see that the giant STARK that had once graced the top had been replaced by an even bigger encircled letter A. If Natasha were in a better frame of mind she would have laughed. Tony had made them a logo, which meant she'd bet anyone that her uniforms had a new patch on them.
Tony was in a really good place right now. He and Pepper were solid. The company was thriving at the top because of Pepper's leadership, which meant Tony was free to devote his non-Avengers time to R&D that would help make real positive change in the world. Tony was learning how to be on a team and play well with others, and was really proud of being an Avenger. He was over the moon that they were working together, "The work the old man did with Aunt Peggy, now that's something I can be proud of him for." He'd once told her. Natasha leaned back against the elevator wall and brushed the back of her sleeve over her eyes. It felt like she had a boulder in the pit of her stomach and the closer she got to Tony, the heavier it became.
"Nattie!" Tony cheered as soon as the redhead stepped off the elevator and into the common area for the first time. Opening his arms wide he turned in a circle as if to show everything off all at once. "So? What do you think?"
Natasha blinked as she took it all in. It wasn't her first time in the tower, she had her own floor in the building itself, though she still preferred to live in Queen's. But it was her first time in this new section of the building. Tony had turned the entire upper part of the tower into Avengers HQ. "Do you think the A is big enough?"
"It's as big as Pepper would let me make it." Tony replied, giving her a big smile full of excitement and pride.
"So Pepper knows you've turned her home into a giant clubhouse for your superhero pals?" Natasha teased, though her tone of voice was lacking any kind of the jovial bite it normally would.
"Of course she does." Tony answered. "I just have to keep them out of the penthouse, that's our space, family only."
The way he smiled at her when he said that made Natasha want to cry. Though at this point she was fairly sure she was all out of tears. "Tony," She said softly as she closed the distance between them. "We need to talk."
"Sure Nattie," With her so close now he could see something was wrong. "What's the…"
"Tony?" Bruce Banner's voice called out with a hint of confusion.
"What's the problem?" Steve's voice added.
Tony's face splitting smile was back. "Finally! You're the last two to arrive! I've already showed Barton and Thor around, but that's ok, I love giving the grand tour! This trip will be you three."
Natasha caught Steve's eye, they hadn't really talked since they saved SHIELD from Alexander Pierce's new HYDRA. Apparently Steve didn't really appreciate Natasha's desire to kill the Winter Soldier. So after he looked away from her, and while Tony was distracted by his excitement, Natasha slipped away.
When Tony turned back to where Natasha had been he frowned. "Where'd Nattie go?" Then he shrugged it off. "Ah well, she knows her way around." Turning back to Steve and Bruce he clapped his hands. "Banner ol' pal wait until you seen the labs! And Cap, the gym has punching bags not even you can break!"
Tony showed off the upper levels with glee, and explained that each Avenger would have their own residential floor, which they could decorate any way they liked. "Make the place your home, or your home away from home." He'd told them. "These upper floors though, they're for everyone, and if you need anything just let Jarvis know and we'll add it."
"Are you sure that training room will hold the other guy?" Bruce asked, his uncertainty clear in his voice.
"We won't know until we try it out." Tony replied as they walked through the floor with the training rooms and gyms. "You said you wanted to try and find a balance with the big guy, now you have a safe place to do it."
"Tony," Steve said as they passed a wall of half windows. On the other side of the windows was a large room with shiny hardwood floors, an entire walls of mirrors, another wall had a high bar set into it, and there were other freestanding bars as well. "I understand the gymnastic gym, but a dance studio?"
Tony nodded. "I always have a professional level dance studio in my homes."
Bruce couldn't help but smirk. "You really don't seem the tights and tutu type, Tony."
"It's not for me." Tony said with a roll of his eyes, and then with a bit more firmness he added, "It's not for any of you guys either. It's a private space, and the only reason it's on a common floor is because this floor was better suited for it."
"So who's it for?" Steve asked curiously.
Tony indicated a figure in the corner of the room. She'd changed into a black leotard, well warned ballet slippers, and she'd sloppily braided her hair behind her back. She wasn't facing the mirrors or the windows, so she had no idea they were watching, in fact Tony was fairly sure she had her blue-green eyes closed. "Her."
Steve blinked. "Is that Natasha?"
"She's been dancing since she was like four or so." Tony explained as pride lit up his eyes and widened his smile. "She could have been a world renowned prima ballerina, or even an Olympic gymnast, she's that good."
"Why didn't she go that route?" Steve asked as they watched Natasha dance. She was beautiful, graceful, and it seemed even to a poor kid from Brooklyn that she was gifted. He couldn't imagine Peggy not wanting something safer like being a ballet dancer for her only child. So how did she end up an agent and not a ballerina?
"She's amazing." Bruce said with awe.
"Nat was raised to believe in having a purpose." Tony explained. "Dancing was only ever something she did for enjoyment and fun, she loves it. But it wasn't what made her feel she had a purpose." Something about the way Natasha was dancing had Tony asking Jarvis what she was dancing to. When the A.I. replied he hummed softly to himself. Natasha only ever danced to that piece of music when she was troubled about something she couldn't work through and was getting frustrated by it. Dancing helped her clear her mind and focus.
"Something wrong?" Steve asked, noticing the shift in Tony's features.
"No," Tony replied. "Unless she catches us watching her, then it won't be pretty. Jarvis, turn on the privacy glass around Nat's studio."
"Of course, Sir." The A.I. replied.
He would have to remind her that she could do that. "Alright, on to the next stop of the grand tour!"
They eventually made their way back to the common room where Tony got them all a drink to celebrate. Thor had gone off to do whatever it was that Thor did when he wasn't being an Avenger, but Barton had joined them. They were in the middle of a debate where Steve and Clint were talking about the skill it took to use their weapons of choice, while Tony and Bruce countered by explaining the science behind it all, when Jarvis interrupted.
"Pardon Sir," Jarvis' voice called out. "But you have a VIA guest."
Tony shot to his feet just as Bruce asked, "VIA?"
Tony was beaming as he said, "Very Important Aunt."
Peggy look haggard but she smiled as she stepped into the room. "Hello darling."
"Aunt Peggy!" Tony greeted joyfully before fully taking in the way his aunt looked. Seeing Peggy looking troubled on top of now Natasha had been dancing, he was suddenly flooded with concern. It didn't help that he could tell she'd been crying heavily, and his aunt simply didn't do that often. He could count the number of times he had seen her eyes like that on one hand with fingers left over. "What's wrong, Aunt Peggy?"
Before Peggy had the chance to answer Steve came up behind Tony. He noticed Peggy's clear upset as well and was just as worried. "Hi Peggy. Everything alright?"
"Hello Steve." Peggy greeted with a warm smile. "Agent Barton."
Clint nodded respectfully. "Ma'am."
Peggy noticed the fourth man in the room and raised an eyebrow. "And you must be Dr. Banner?"
Bruce nodded as he carefully approached the unfamiliar woman.
Stepping away from Tony Peggy closed the distance between herself and Bruce, holding out her hand in greeting. This wasn't want she came for, and in her current state of mind this was probably a bad idea, but she had wanted a word with the man since the first night her daughter woke up screaming following the helicarrier incident. "I've been wanting to make your acquaintance for awhile now, Dr. Banner. I'm Margaret Carter, former Director of SHIELD, but more importantly, I'm Natasha's mother."
Bruce blinked as he shook Peggy's hand. "Well, then it's an honor to meet you Director Carter. I have a great amount of respect for your daughter. She's rather remarkable."
"Yes, she is." Peggy agreed, smiling sweetly as she leaned in a bit closer and whispered so only Banner would hear her. "And if the Hulk ever threatens her life again the way he did on the helicarrier I will put him down hard myself, understood, Dr. Banner?"
"Y..yes..um..yes." Bruce replied, completely caught off guard and totally shook.
"Good." Peggy replied, letting go of the vice like grip she hand on the man's hand and walking back over to Tony. "If you gentlemen will excuse us, I need a private word with my godson." Lopping her arm around Tony's she said simply, "Anthony?"
"Yeah, sure, of course." Tony replied, wondering what the hell Aunt Peggy had said to Banner to make him turn the color of milk. "We'll go down to the penthouse."
"Is Natasha here, darling?" Peggy asked as they stepped onto the elevator. When Tony nodded she asked, "Would you have her join us please?"
"Sure Aunt Peggy," Tony replied before calling out. "Hey Jarvis, would you please ask Nattie to come to the penthouse?"
"Of course, Sir." Came the reply.
Peggy shivered, like Natasha, she found it a little unnerving to hear Edwin Jarvis' voice coming from nowhere. "Anthony if you ever turn me into something like that I will haunt you for the rest of your damn life."
Tony laughed nervously and made a mental note to change the voice pattern on his current F.R.I.D.A.Y project, maybe give it an Irish accent instead. "Yes Aunt Peggy."
While they waited on Natasha to join them Tony made a pot of tea. A life spent being raised by his Aunt Peggy and Jarvis meant he could actually do it properly. He didn't have the right kind of cookies on hand though, so he made Jarvis add some to the shopping list for next time. He was just handing Peggy a cup made just the way she liked it when the elevator doors opened and Natasha walked in wearing a Stark Industries sweatshirt over her leotard, her feet bare, and her ballet slippers in her hand. Natasha's face was flushed from dancing, but it seemed to redden more when she saw her mother. Tony looked between them and his heart sank into his stomach, which then plummeted to his feet like a stone.
"Mum." Natasha said curtly.
"Natasha come sit down." Peggy ordered. "We all need to talk."
"We should have talked a long time ago." Natasha said angrily.
Peggy sighed and nodded. "Yes, we should have."
Steve was in the building, and Natasha knew he didn't want Tony to know the truth. "Jarvis."
"Yes Ms. Carter?" Replied the A.I.
Peggy flinched a bit hearing her name said in that voice again. It had been such a long time since she'd heard it.
"Lock down the penthouse." Natasha ordered. "No one allowed in expect Pepper."
"Yes Ms. Carter." Came the response.
Tony's dark eyes shot back and forth between his aunt and his cousin with growing concern. "What's going on?"
Peggy set her tea aside and turned so she was facing Tony. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, and then reached out for her godson's hands as she opened her eyes. "Tony, sweetheart, I need to tell you something that is going to make you angry and upset. Something I perhaps should have told you sooner."
Natasha snorted and repeated the word, "Perhaps?"
Again Peggy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Natasha Elizabeth, I know you're upset; that you are angry and hurt, but young lady you are pushing dangerously close to a line you do not wish to cross with me right now."
Natasha was all of those things, but she wasn't stupid. So she flopped into a chair across from her mother and cousin, and brooded quitely.
"Smart girl." Peggy said, before returning her focus to Tony. Yet another deep breath, "Tony…"
"You know you're the only one who does that backwards." Tony interpreted, his stomach twisting up in a way he didn't like. "You only ever call me Tony when it's something serious. So, how serious is this, Aunt Peggy?"
"Oh my sweet boy." Peggy sighed as she reached out to cup his cheek. "My darling, it's about your parents death. Tony, their deaths were not an accident. They were murdered."
Peggy explained everything, and much to her mother's disapproval, Natasha provided the evidence. Tony was in shock, his cheeks wet with tears as he took it all in, his aunt's words, the pictures hovering the air around him. There was a lot to resent his father for, and this had been at the top of his list. After Peggy had finished talking, and he knew everything, the three of them just sat there for awhile in silence. Each lost in a storm of emotion and thought. Finally Tony looked at Natasha and asked, "Does Rogers know all of this?"
Natasha nodded, but before she could say anything Tony was on his feet and storming towards the elevator. She and Peggy both followed, but he managed to close the doors before they could get on. "Stairs are this way."
"Where is he?!" Tony demanded as he stormed up to Steve. "Where the fuck is your pal, Rogers? Where's the man who murdered my parents?"
"I don't know." Steve answered honestly. "I honestly don't know, Tony. Sam and I went looking for him but we couldn't pick up his trail."
"Is that where Wilson is now?" Tony demanded. "Out looking for Barnes so you can protect him from paying for what he did?"
"Tony." Steve said firmly but gently. "I'm sorry about what happened to Howard and your mother, but…"
"But?" Tony yelled. "But, what Rogers? But Bucky is more important? Because he's not! Life went on without you, Captain, a family was created without you! Howard Stark wasn't just my father! I get it, you don't give a shit about me, that's fine, I don't really like you much either. But you care about Peggy, you loved her once, and Howard Stark was her brother! He was Natasha's godfather! We loved him! Fuck Bucky Barnes, he doesn't matter, my father, my mother, mattered! Downstairs, when we saw Nat dancing, do you know who taught her to love ballet like that? Maria Stark! My Mom! Your friend killed my Mom! She mattered!"
"Anthony." Peggy called out softly as she and Natasha apporched. "Darling, stop."
Tony took a step back from Cap. He hadn't even realized he'd gotten so close. "Where is he Rogers?"
Steven just shook his head. "I'm sorry, Tony, I honestly don't know."
"And if you did you wouldn't tell me." Tony replied, his dark eyes full of anger, hurt, and tears. "Fine, I'll find of the son of a bitch myself."
"You can't fight him on your own, Tony." Steve said firmly. "He fought me, Sam, and Nat to a standstill. What are you going to do if you find him?"
Tony held out his right arm, and moments later it was covered in his armor. Reaching out before anyone could stop him he grabbed Steve by the throat and squeezed using the armor's strength. "I don't know, Cap, maybe I'll crush his windpipe the way he did my mother's."
"Anthony let him go!" Peggy ordered, rushing over to stop her godson from doing something he'd regret. "Now!"
Tony held tight for a few seconds longer and then let Steve go. Then he started walking towards the balcony, his latest set of armor forming around him as he went. He heard his aunt call out to him, and Natasha too, but he ignored them. Once his suit was completely in place he took off, flying away from the tower.
"Damnit!" Natasha said as she headed for the elevator. It was times like this where she almost wished she'd let him make her a damn suit.
"You shouldn't have told him, Peg." Steve said, his voice soft, a bit scratchy from being choked, and clearly laced with anger. "He didn't need to know. It only complicates things. The Winter Soldier is…"
"Bucky." Peggy cuts him off. "Yes, I know. Natasha told me."
"She wants to kill him." Steve told her as he looked down into her eyes. "Nat, she wants to kill Bucky, and now so does Tony. He was your friend too, Peggy."
Peggy nodded. "He was, and I'm so very sorry I didn't find him when I found Michael." She let her head drop, her dark eyes welling with tears again. But then she looked up at Steve and said, "Bucky was my friend, but those are my children, Steve."
Steve sighed softly and pulled her close, hugging her to his chest. "How did you use to say it? Something about muck or pears or something?"
That actually got her to chuckle. "It's all gone pear shaped, and we've mucked it all up?"
"Yeah, that's it." Steve nodded. "How do we fix this so no one else gets hurt any worse than they already are, Peg?"
This time Peggy sighed. "I'm not sure yet, Steve." Pulling out of his embrace she looked up at him and said, "Please understand that I will do what I can for Bucky, but my priorities lay with my children."
At least Tony was somewhat predictable. At least to them he was. Parking the car the pair got out and made their way across the parking lot. Shielding their eyes from the sun they looked up at the giant donut with an Iron Man filling. Natasha shook her head, and with her hands on her hips she called out, "Tony Stark get your ass down here!"
Tony wasn't really surprised to look down and see Natasha standing there glaring up at him. He'd known she would follow him. Seeing Sharon standing next to Natasha, that was a surprise. Though he wasn't sure why, of course they were going to double team him. Groaning he replies, "Fine, I was out of strawberry sprinkles anyway."
Heading into the shop Tony orders a dozen mixed donuts and a pot of coffee before laying claim to a booth. He lounges on one side, while the girls slide in across from him on the other. No one says anything until the waitress brings over the donuts and coffee. Then Tony looks at Sharon, "So, I'm guessing Nattie filled you in?"
"She did." Sharon says with a nod. "Tony, I'm so sorry."
"I don't know how to feel right now." He admits. "I hated the old man most because I thought he got off his ass drunk and ran my mother into a fucking tree. Turns out, he was murdered by something his work probably had a hand in creating, so, still his fault?" Tony shoves a donut into his mouth and then chugs his coffee painfully. "Anyway, doesn't matter, how do we find this son of a bitch and how do we put him down?"
Sharon and Natasha exchange a look before Natasha sighs and rolls her eyes. "That's why I called Sharon, Tony. We needed someone with a level head."
Tony chuckled, "You always were the one keeping us out of trouble most of the time." He smiled at the blonde sat across from him, and then sighed softly and nodded. "Alright Huey, what's the plan?"
"You and Nat go back to New York." Sharon replies. She knows this isn't going to go over well, she'd already had this argument with Natasha. "And you work things out with your team. The Avengers need you both, and the world needs the Avengers. Stop looking at me like I just shoved a pickle up your ass, Tony, and listen." She waited a moment until Tony stopped making faces at her. Then she continued, "I'm going to go look for Barnes."
"You're not an assassin, Sharon." Tony huffs at her protectively.
"Neither are you, Tony." She replies, staring into his eyes unflinchingly.
"I've killed plenty in the line of duty, assassin isn't far off my job description." Natasha throws in. "Besides, I've already told Rogers that was my intentions. Don't want to lie to Cap, now do we?"
Sharon sighs. "Natasha Elizabeth, no."
"I swear to Thor if one more person middle names me I'm breaking their fucking nose." Natasha grunts.
That got Tony to laugh. "I will pay you a million dollars if that happens, because chances are it'll be Aunt Peggy or Aunt Angie, and you're going to need it to hide from them, cause grown ass woman or not they'd beat your ass if you tried."
Natasha reached for a donut and huffed, "Yeah, well, Mum's already at that line she warned me about so, I should probably go with Sharon anyway."
"God, you two are thick sometimes." Sharon moaned, pinching the bridge of her nose and shaking her head. "The plan is, you two go back to your team, protect the world, make up with Aunt Peggy, and wait for me to find Barnes." She looks into Tony's eyes, reaches for his hands, and wraps her fingers around the warm metal of his armor. "Barnes isn't going to get away with what he did, Tony. But I don't think he's in his right mind, given what SHIELD knows about the Winter Soldier, and from what Nat's told me, I think Barnes is what they were trying to do to my Dad. Brainwashing, cryogenic hibernation, those were the experiments they were doing to my Dad when Aunt Peggy found him. Barnes not knowing who he was, who Captain Rogers was, and the fact that he's still so young, it all kind of fits." She looked between her cousins then. "And that's another reason you two need to go back to New York, Aunt Peggy's going to blame herself because she didn't find Barnes when she found Dad, which lead to him becoming what he is, and what he's done."
Sharon was right, Natasha sighed softly. Her mother was going to try to take this on herself even though it's not her fault.
"Yeah, ok, I can go back and be there for Aunt Peggy, of course I can." Tony replied. "But how the hell do you expect me to work with Rogers? He'd choose Barnes over us in a heartbeat. I can't trust him."
"If it were me or Nattie in Barnes' place, what would you do?" Sharon asked him.
Tony huffed. "That's different, Sharon! You're my family!"
"Yeah, Tony, we are." Sharon said firmly but gently. "And James Barnes was Steve Roger's family. They grew up together just like we did. They relied on each other the way we still do."
Tony didn't like it, but Sharon might have a few good points. "This is really fucking messed up."
"Yeah, it is." Sharon agreed, and then smirked in a braty kind of way she hoped would break the tension. "It gets even more fucked up when you throw in the fact that Natasha's fucked Bucky Barnes, who according to Dum Dum, use to hit on Aunt Peggy all the time when they were friends."
Tony chokes on his coffee as Natasha sinks into her seat and glares at Sharon. "I hate you."
They all take the quinjet back to New York, and then Tony gives Natasha a lift back to the Tower. They use Tony's private entrance to the penthouse, and are told by Jarvis that Peggy was no longer there. She must have gone home, so they head down to the garage to grab a car to drive to Brooklyn. "Take the armor off Tony." Natasha says as she stands beside one of Tony's cars. "It's not a security blanket."
"It kind of is actually." Tony pouted.
Natasha sighed. "Tony, you're not allowed to wear it in the house so there's no point. Take it off and put it away, then get in the fucking car."
Tony watches as Natasha has the gall to get in behind the wheel of his favorite Audi. He continues to pout until Natasha revs the engine and then finally gives in and steps out of the suit, sending it back to it's locker. Then he slides into the passenger seat, and Natasha peels out of the garage on squealing tires. They don't say anything, they just listen to the playlist that the two of them share with Sharon. Natasha focuses on driving, probably a little faster than she should through the city. Tony watches the world whiz by almost as fast as the thoughts and feelings in his head. He cracks a smile when JailHouse Rock comes on, Sharon added that one in memory of the L.A. incident. When they finally pulled up in front of the Carter brownstone and Natasha shuts off the engine Tony reaches for the door handle but stops when he realizes Natasha isn't moving, her hands still on the steering wheel in a white-kunckled grip.
"Nattie?" Tony says gently as he turns to face her, flicking on the over head light so he can see her properly since it was now dark outside. "Are you alright?"
Natasha shakes her head slightly. She's trembling a little and there are tears welling in her eyes. "No." She whispers. "Not really." She stares straight ahead, unblinking. "Things got really ugly between us, Tony. I.. I'm.." She chuckles humorlessly. "I'm actually kind of scared."
"Hey," Tony's voice is calm but firm as he reaches out to wipe away a tear from his cousin's cheek before gently turning her head to make her look at him. "It's going to be alright, Natasha. It might be awkward as hell, tense even, but it's going to be ok. Aunt Peggy loves you, Nat. You are everything to her. There is nothing you could say or do that would ever make either one of those women in there love you any less." He smiled at her as he wiped away another tear. "Nattie, I'm just the godson, the nephew, and no matter what I've done they've never turned their backs on me. You, Natasha Elizabeth Luisa Martinelli Carter, are their stinkin' kid, their only child, their daughter. You could burn the world to ashe and they'd still love you. They'd be super pissed and the punishment would be epic, but they'd still love you."
Natasha laughed a little despite herself. "When did you become the one who gives that speech in this relationship?"
"When you decided it was a good idea to have a knock down drag out with Peggy freaking Carter." Tony teased. "I mean sure, I tried to choke out Captain America, but you yelled at your mother. Which one of us made the dummer choice here?"
She laughed again, and slowly Natasha's hands began to release the steering wheel. "I thought you were trying to get me out of the car, not pull off and race away."
"I am trying to get you out of the car." Tony smiled. "Because Aunt Angie has looked out the window three times now, if we don't get out of the car soon she's going to come get us herself."
Natasha's hands went to her stomach as she sighed softly while letting her head fall back against the headrest. "I knew there would be fallout from taking down HYDRA, I just never expected it to hit so close to home. Everything's a fuckign mess, Tony."
"Yeah, I know." Tony replied simply.
They sat in the car for a few more minutes to give Natasha time to get herself together and then they headed inside. Normally Natasha would be the first one through door, leading whoever was with her into her home, but this time she actually followed Tony. She even lagged behind a little, staying by the doorway instead of fully walking into the living room where her mother was waiting.
Angie had heard the car coming, seen the headlights swipe across the wall as they pulled up, and was instantly at the window. With the light on inside the car she could clearly see what had happened, had seen Tony comforting her daughter. If her insides weren't already twisted up from all of this, they would have twisted up at the sight of Natasha looking so unsure about coming into her own home. Tony was the first one to enter the room so Angie went to him first and wrapped her arms around him. "I know you're not alright," She said as she held him tightly. "But are you ok?"
"Three dozen donuts, and several pots of coffee to match might not have been the best idea at my age." Tony replied with a soft chuckle as he hugged his aunt.
Stepping back from the hug Angie reached up to cup his face and give him a warm smile. "Why don't you go wait in the kitchen, T. I'll come in a moment and make you some seltzer, and then we can make a pot of peppermint tea."
Tony looked over his shoulder at Natasha to see if she was ok with that, he wasn't going to leave her alone if she didn't want him too. Natasha just shrugged timidly. He didn't like that. Timid Natasha made him uneasy, there was nothing timid about her, never had been.
"It wasn't really a request, Anthony." Angie said gently but firmly.
Still Tony waited until he got the slightest of nods from Natasha and then left the room, leaving the two Martinelli-Carters alone.
Once Angie was sure Tony was in the kitchen, her eyes focused on her daughter the whole time, Angie points to the spot right in front of her. "Natasha Elizabeth Carter, come here right now."
Natasha felt like she was a girl again and had just smashed a crystal vase with Rosie's ball after being told three times to stop throwing the ball in the house. She moved across the room slowly, eyes on the floor until she was standing in front of her mother, and then she looked up to meet Angie's own blue-green eyed gaze. "Mama I…"
"Shut up little girl and listen." Angie said firmly, cutting her daughter off. "Natasha, you have every right to feel what you're feelin' right now. You do. The anger, the hurt, the renewed grief because it suddenly feels like we've lost Howard and Maria all over again. Baby, I get it, I do." Angie paused for just a moment, just long enough to put some bite into her tone. "What you had no right to do Natasha Elizabeth is come into this house and disrespect your mother the way you did."
"Mama I'm…" Natasha tried again.
Angie reached out and twisted Natasha just enough so she could reach her rear end and gave it a hard smack, hard enough that the young woman softly yelped. "I'm not finished, Natasta Elizabeth Luica, and until I am, not a word. Understood?" Her daughter nodded, eyes a little wide, surprised by Angie's actions. "Good." She acknowledged. "Every choice, every decision your mother has ever made when it comes to this family was made out of love and a desire to keep us safe and protected. Not all of those choices and decisions have been easy ones for her to make, and she has had to carry the burden of a lot of those choices and decisions by herself because you and I simply could not know about 'em. It's not like you don't understand all this super secret spy world stuff, Natasha, because you choose to follow in her footsteps."
Natasha shifted slightly on her feet as tears welled in her eyes. She knew her mother was right, she could have, should have handled this better, but in the moment, riding the wave created by everything leading up to it, she simply hadn't had the ability to. No, that's not quite right. She had the ability to handle it differently, she simply hadn't wanted too.
"You're mother and I will always be a safe place for you and your feelings, Natasha." Angie continued scolding. "But we do expect you to have the same amount of respect for us that we have for you, because we know damn well that's how we raised you to be. You hurt your mother Natasha, she won't admit it, she'll play it off because that's what Peggy does, but you did hurt her." Natasha dropped her head but Angie made her look up at her again. "And I expect you to make things right. Have I made myself clear, Natasha? Now you may speak."
"Yes Mama." Natasha said softly. "I'm sorry."
Angie nodded with a soft sigh and then reached out to pull her daughter into her arms and hold her as tight as she could. There was hesitation on Natasha's part, Angie knew this was due to her guilt, but after a few moments her girl returned the hug. Her angel even nuzzled her face into Angie's neck, and Angie could feel the wetness from Natasha's tears on her skin. After several minutes of holding her child, Angie gently pushed her back and reached up to wipe away her tears. "I love you, angel." Angie pulled her daughter close again and kissed her forehead and the tip of her nose. "Your mother is in her study." Angie told her as she turned Natasha in the direction of Peggy's study. Then she sent her daughter off with a wicked smack to her rear end. "Go make things right with her, angel."
Her Ma had smacked her hard enough that Natasha actually reached back to rub the sting out as she made her way down the hallway to her Mum's study. As she approached the closed door Natasha actually thought she would prefer the humiliation of being punished like a child again over having to face her Mum. Raising her fist to knock, Natasha couldn't bring herself to do it, moving to the side of the door instead and letting herself slid down the wall to the floor. Bringing her knees up to her chest she wrapped her arms around her legs, and pressed her forehead to her knees. She'd hurt her Mum. She'd hurt her Mum, and the part that was making Natasha sick was the fact that she'd wanted to do it. She'd been so overwhelmed by the truth, and had to push it all down for so long to finish the HYDRA op that it was too much for her and she needed someone to hurt with her.
"The first time you sat outside my study like this you were six." Peggy's voice said softly from above. "You'd stolen some chocolate from the Italian market while you were with our Ma, and hadn't gotten caught. You weren't able to sleep at all that night and came down here to tell me, but you were frightened over how much trouble you'd be in, so you sat out here until I came out. Nearly tripped over you." Reaching down Peggy sank in her fingers into Natasha's hair and gently scratched at her scalp. "The last time you sat outside my study like this you were in high school. You'd been dating that boy I didn't like. When he tried to take things too far you came home and sat there in your homecoming dress worried I'd be more angry at you for breaking his wrist than at him for trying to push into something you hadn't been ready for."
There were days when Peggy wished she could turn back the clock to when Natasha was a little girl again. Back to the days where she could fix her little girl's worse problems with a cuddle and her favorite biscuit, comfort her with a happy story, or a silly song, and kiss away the pain of her hurts. Peggy had never wanted to be a source of her daughter's pain, and yet here they were. Each of them wounded by the other, and uncertain of what to do about it. "I've a fresh pot of tea, and perhaps something a bit stronger for afterwards, if you want to come inside."
Peggy went back into her study and over to the small round table where her tea service was always placed. She listened for movement in the hall, her breath held as she waited to see if Natasha would join her. She was starting to fear the girl wouldn't when she finally heard shuffling and the sound of Natasha's footfalls entering the room. She closed her eyes and let out a slow sigh before pouring two cups of tea, making each the way she and Natasha liked them. When she turned she was relieved to see her daughter sitting on the far end of the leather sofa against the wall across from her desk.
"Thank you." Natasha said softly as she accepted the tea from her mother. She held the cup in both hands, letting the warmth of it sink into her skin before lifting it to her lips to sip. It might have been a bit cliche, but Natasha was always able to find comfort in tea. All of those long missions in Europe away from her family, her home, making a cup of tea was always the simplest way for her to sooth the homesickness. It wasn't helping now, she wasn't homesick. She was sitting in her home with her mother only a couch cushion away. What she was, was that little girl who's tummy was knotted up with guilt and that terrified teenager who couldn't keep her thoughts in order as she tried not to throw up.
"I was being a bitch." Natasha finally spoke up as she set her mug on the coffee table in front of them. "And what's worse is I meant to be one. I just," She stared at her hands, unable to look at her mother. "I thought I was stronger than that but, I just, I couldn't handle it all." Dropping her head, she ran her hands through her hair, and then locked her fingers behind her neck as she rested her elbows on her knees, doubling herself over again. Why did her emotions always have to sink into her stomach? Why did she have to eat so many damn donuts? She took a slow breath and then said, "I want to say I didn't mean to hurt you, but," Her voice cracked, she was beginning to tremble and the tears followed. "But I'd be lying to you and I can't add that on top of everything else."
Natasha got up and moved across the room to the window when she felt her mother shift on the other end of the sofa. She knew Peggy was about to move closer to her, to reach out and put her hand on her back to comfort her like she always did, but she wasn't ready for that yet. She just needed a minute, a minute to catch her breath and sort herself out like a big girl. Then she walked back over to her mother and knelt down in front of her, and looked up into Peggy's eyes. "I am sorry though, Mum. I am so so sorry I hurt you. I am so sorry I wasn't strong enough to keep it from going that far, for letting myself get overwhelmed, I'm…"
"Natasha." Peggy said softly, cutting her daughter off as she reached for the younger woman's face. "We all get overwhelmed by our emotions sometimes, even the strongest of us. You don't need to apologize for becoming overwhelmed by your emotions. I do accept your apology for the rest of it, darling. I suppose it's rather human instinct to grab hold of someone else when you feel as though you're drowning, and I am always the safest person you can turn too." Peggy used her thumbs to wipe away Natasha's tears though it was in vain as more just kept coming. "I was hurt Natasha, deeply so, but I understand and I forgive you, darling."
"Really?" Natasha replied softly.
Peggy blinked, a little startled by the uncertainty in her daughter's eyes and voice. "Of course I do, darling. Natasha, please tell me that you know I will always forgive you no matter what? Do you not know how much I love you?"
"I do." Natasha nodded as she best she could with her mother holding so tightly to her head. "It's just that, even while we were in the middle of fighting, I scared myself with how far I pushed it."
"Oh poppet." Peggy breathed out as she pulled her little girl into her arms and held her as tightly as she could. "Oh my love, we really mucked this one up didn't we?" Peggy started to rock them gently, a bit awkwardly, but continued to hold her girl as tight and as close as she could. "I love you, Natasha. Nothing and no one will ever take that away from us, it will never diminish, and even after I've gone from this earth my love for you will remain." Pulling Natasha back a bit so she could look her in the eyes Peggy added, "And don't you ever doubt or forget that Natasha Carter, do you hear me?"
Natasha nods. "Yes Mummy." Then she buries herself back into her mother's embrace. "I love you too."