Aftermath
Everything hurt. Even her hair hurt, and Natasha was fairly sure that hair shouldn't be able to hurt. Laying there in her mothers' bed she tried to take stock of her body; she was fairly sure damn near every inch of her skin was covered in bruises, her ribs hurt like hell and her breathing was slow and shallow so she had bruised if not broken ribs. Reaching up to touch her head where she knew she'd had a gash, she moaned softly as her muscles protested even that simple gesture. Clint had used some medical grade glue to patch it up after the battle, but she probably needed proper stitches. There were actually several larger lacerations all over her body that probably needed more than just field dressings, but all she'd wanted to do last night was come home and make sure her mothers were safe, and then crash into the comfort and reassurance of their bed. So she hadn't really bothered with seeking medical attention. Natasha groaned softly again, only this time it wasn't because of the pain she was in, but because she realized she was going to get an ear full about not seeing a medic.
The light coming in through the window of her mothers' bedroom told Natasha it was late morning, which explained why she was alone when she knew she'd fallen asleep sandwiched between her worried and frightened mothers. Given the pounding headache she had, she was almost certain neither one of them slept much if at all because they would have been watching her for concussion symptoms. She can add that to the list of things to feel guilty about. As carefully as she can, Natasha works on getting up out of bed and on to her feet. She yelps softly when she stands, her ankle protesting against her weight. Add that to her growing list of injuries. She knew she should take a shower before going downstairs, she could feel the grim from the last few days all over her, not to mention the itchy patches where blood had dried, but she smelled coffee and bacon and showers took energy she didn't have just yet.
Natasha wasn't trying to be stealthy as she made her way downstairs to the kitchen, she was simply trying to move in a way that caused her the least amount of pain. But she had apparently made it all the way to the kitchen door without being detected because she could hear her mothers' voices inside the kitchen and it seemed as if they weren't going to stop their conversation.
"I'm not saying that Natasha isn't good at what she does, Margaret." Angie's voice wasn't loud but it was high pitched, her fear and anger clearly changing it's normal tones.
Natasha flinched as she listened. She wasn't sure which was worse, the tone of her Ma's voice or the fact that she was calling her Mum by her real name.
"What I'm saying is that our daughter is only human!" Angie argued. "Not superhuman, not a god, not whatever the hell the Hulk is, she doesn't have powers to protect her from the kind of shit we saw her facing yesterday! She could have died, Margaret, and I will not outlive my child! So you need to fucking do something about this!"
Peggy sighed softly, tiredly. Neither of them slept much if at all last night. "What do you want me to do, Angela? Lock her in her bloody room and forbid her from being an Avenger?" Another sigh, and then Peggy's voice was softer. "Watching her in the middle of that war zone terrified me too. Seeing her laying in our bed this morning battered and bruised, broke my heart. I don't want to see her hurt, and I'm just as afraid of the possibilities that come with being on this team, but Natasha is the woman we raised her to be. She is strong, she is resilient, she is brave, and she will always choose to do the right thing even if that means putting her own life on the line to save others. We can't ask her to be anything less than that now, it wouldn't be fair to her or to us."
Natasha had tears in her eyes. She had scared her mothers so badly they were fighting over her. Slipping away from the doorway, she headed back upstairs just as quietly as she'd come down. She hadn't really thought about how her mothers would feel about her joining the Avengers, she had always been fully aware of the concern and fear they had over her being a SHIELD agent, but she didn't think that being on this team would make it worse. Then again, she hadn't really expected the first thing the Avengers to go up against would be an alien invasion led by a norse god. Maybe she should rethink this whole Avengers thing?
Going to her own room, Natasha pulled some clean clothes out of her drawers, deciding that a shower couldn't wait any longer. She couldn't step foot into the kitchen looking like she did, she didn't want to give her mothers another reminder of what had happened to her. Stepping into the bathroom and closing the door, Natasha catches sight of herself in the mirror and flinches. Her body is covered in nasty looking bruises. No wonder her mothers were so upset, they must have watched them bloom all over her body during the night. Stripping off her undershirt and shorts wasn't easy, but she managed, and slipped under the hot spray of water with a sighing hiss of pleasure and pain. If she were to ask one of her mothers for help they would gladly do so, but she wasn't going to do that. The tears mixing with the shower water and shampoo suds weren't just from the pain she was causing herself, but because of the pain she'd caused her mothers.
"Poppet?" Peggy's voice called out gently as she opened the bathroom door. "Darling, are you alright in there on your own?"
Natasha closed her eyes, and bit her lip until she was sure she could reply in a clear voice. "Yeah, Mum, I'm good."
"Are you sure, love?" Peggy frowned, not believing Natasha wasn't in terrible pain. "I can give you a hand if you need it."
"I'm good, Mum." Natasha replied. "I won't be long. I'll come down when I'm finished."
Peggy struggled with leaving but in the end she respected Natasha's request. "Come down to my study darling and I'll see what I can do for some of your more nasty injuries."
"Alright." Natasha replied. When she heard the bathroom door close she counted to thirty, giving her mother enough time to move down the hall, and then let out a little sob. She had planned on covering herself up as much as possible with leggings and a sweatshirt, but since her mother wanted to look over her injuries Natasha had to settle on shorts, a tank top, and her robe. Her mum had had her fair share of battle wounds over the expanse of her career, and was better at masking her reactions while tending to Natasha's injuries, but this time was different. This time when Natasha walked into her mother's study, she could see the toll yesterday had taken on her mother, and it made her drop her head. Reading about things in reports after the fact was a hell of a lot different than watching it unfold live on the news, and it had left her mother, her unflappable Mum, shaken to her core. "I'm sorry."
Peggy looked up from her med kit and blinked. "What on earth do you have to be sorry for, poppet?"
"Putting you and Ma through hell." Natasha replied as she made her way over to her mother.
As soon as Natasha was close Peggy gently pulled her girl into her arms and held her as tightly as she could given Natasha's myriad of injuries. "Oh my darling." Peggy sighed softly as she held her daughter in her arms. "I'm not going to lie, love. Watching everything unfold the way we did, it was incredibly hard for both of us." Releasing Natasha from the embrace she raised her hands to hold her little girl's face in her hands. "You were doing your duty, darling, fulfilling your purpose, and my love you did it bloody brilliantly. I am so incredibly proud of you, Natasha."
Natasha closed her eyes when she felt her mother gently pulling her in so that she could kiss Natasha's forehead. She could accept that her mum was proud of her, it actually meant a lot to her, but that didn't excuse her guilt for scaring them the way she had. Her mothers had been arguing that morning, and it was her fault.
Stepping back Peggy gave her little girl a warm smile as she indicated the kitchen stool she'd brought in for Natasha to sit on so she could look over her injuries. Peggy knew that Natasha would feel bad for making them worry, but what she saw in her little girl's eyes was the kind of guilt Natasha would have had as a child when she'd done something wrong. Peggy didn't understand. Natasha had nothing to feel guilty over. She had been doing her job the best she could in the situation. "Sit down poppet. Let's have a look, darling."
"Where's Ma?" Natasha asked as she took off her robe and then perching herself on the stool.
"She went to the market." Peggy answered as she began looking Natasha over with a mother's attention to detail. She had watched this body grow from newborn to young woman, and if anything was amiss she would know it. "Anything broken?"
Natasha shook her head. "Just bruised and sprained I think."
Peggy hummed. "Right ankle? You were limping when you walked over to me, putting more of your weight on your left."
"Yeah." Natasha answered. "Why did Ma go to the market so early?"
Because she needed air, Peggy thought but said, "She wants to make your favorites for dinner and she needed a few things. I also called medical and had some pain meds and antibiotics called in for you, so she's going to pick those up as well."
It was silly, she was a grown ass woman, but Natasha was a bit disappointed that her Ma wasn't here to fuss over her as soon as she showed herself. "I don't suppose she added gelato to her shopping list did she?"
"I suspect she might have done." Peggy replied as she gently examined the laceration on Natasha's head first. "I also suspect that there is a package of jammy dodgers in my desk drawer, and that just this once if you're a good girl while I stitch up this nasty gash, you may have one or two before breakfast."
"You know just last week I had an entire box of girl scout cookies for breakfast because I'm a grown up now, right?" Natasha teased. She closed her eyes as her mother prepared to stitch her up, and did her best to remain as relaxed as she could. This actually wasn't the first time her Mum had stitched her up, so she knew Peggy knew what she was doing.
"You never could be trusted around girl scout cookies." Peggy replied. "When you were seven, you ate so many thin mints you made yourself so sick that for months afterwards you'd gag just smelling mint."
While Peggy worked on each and every wound or injury that needed tending, including wrapping Natasha's ankle in an ace bandage, she told Natasha stories about herself and Angie just as she always did when her daughter was unwell. "Angie and I were still very much in the closet back then, and even though we trusted those closest to us, we were afraid of coming out to them. Ana, bless her soul, was the first to figure it out. Actually, I think she'd figured it out before we did ourselves. She told me once that it didn't take long to know when you had someone special, and then kept encouraging me to invite Angie out to L.A., but I never did."
When Natasha asked why not she explained, "When I'd decided to move to the States following the war, I had my heart set on making New York my home. I never had any intentions of staying in L.A. once the case was solved. I was going to go home, to New York, to Angie. I was afraid that if I asked Angie to come to L.A. she'd want to stay, that she would want to continue pursuing her acting career in Hollywood. So instead of asking her to come to L.A. with me, I encouraged her to take bit parts in off, off, Broadway shows and stay in the penthouse" As she checked Natasha's ribcage to see if her ribs were broken or bruised, Peggy couldn't help but smile when Natasha giggled. "When Howard started to suspect the true nature of my relationship with Angie, he started randomly dropping into the penthouse, hoping to catch us in the act instead of just asking us. That's when we decided we needed to get our own home, and how we ended up in the brownstone."
While Peggy tended to their daughter Angie knelt in one of the pews of the Episcopal cathedral in Brooklyn that had become her spiritual home since leaving the Catholic church all those years ago. Angie needed a few minutes to process everything that had happened yesterday, the things she saw, the things she felt. Aliens, 'gods', monsters, all the destruction and devastation, the people who were hurt and killed, and her little girl in the middle of it all. As Angie's fingers danced over the beads of her rosary she prayed, she prayed for the families of everyone who'd been caught up in the chaos, as well as for her own. She'd known what she was getting into with Peggy Carter. She'd known since catching Peggy limping to her apartment door at the Griffith with a busted lip for the first time that there'd been something more going on with the English woman. For a moment Angie had thought Peggy had gotten mixed up with a brute who smacked her around, and she was ready to call up every single one of her brothers to teach the bastard a lesson, but then she realized her English wasn't likely to get caught up in that kind of heartbreak. The more time she'd spent with Peggy the more she was sure her friend didn't work at the phone company, and there was a hell of a lot Peggy wasn't telling her. Knowing this, however, didn't stop Angie from falling in love with her. She accepted Peggy for who she was, and apart of who she was had often brought her home to Angie battered, broken, bloodied, and bruised. Angie didn't like it, she hated it, but it was apart of who Peggy was, and who Peggy was was the person Angie loved with all her heart. When Peggy's work started keeping her in her office and out of the field more and more, Angie wouldn't lie, she couldn't have been more pleased.
When Natasha came into their lives, Peggy stopped resenting being behind a desk more, finding her purpose in raising their baby girl instead. Angie could relax a little, not completely because Peggy was still the head of SHIELD, still had enemies, and a sense of responsibility to the world that now including keeping it safe for Natasha, making it better for Natasha, but Angie didn't have to be as worried. For awhile Angie didn't have to fear when she kissed her wife goodbye in the morning that today might be the day Peggy didn't come home. But then Nick Fury got to her daughter, and now that old fear was back a thousand fold. Natasha. Her beautiful little Christmas angel, who danced with such beauty and grace, who could speak fluent Italian, Hungairion, and Russian before she was even in sixth grade, who took Latin for fun, who'd won gold and silver medals at gymnastic competitions, could have been anything she wanted to be. Natasha. She just had to find her purpose in the same damn place as Peggy, didn't she? She just had to follow in Peggy's footsteps, and now here knelt Angie praying her way through those worries and concerns and fears again. Yesterday could have very easily been the day Natasha never came home again.
Angie sighed softly. Peggy was right. Natasha was the woman they raised her to be, and Angie was incredibly proud of her daughter. But Angie was afraid, scared to death, because she could bare a lot, Angie Martinelli-Carter was a tough old broad, but she couldn't bear losing her child.
After finishing up at the church Angie drove to the drug store for Natasha's meds, and then over to her favorite market to pick up what she would need to make carbonara, the right bottle of wine to go with it, and a couple pints of gelato, including the chocolate and orange flavor Natasha liked when she was hurt. Then she heads home, feeling stronger than she had when she'd left. She felt guilty for not being there when Natasha woke up, but she simply wasn't in the best frame of mind to deal with Natasha and everything that happened.
When she walked in to their home Angie could hear the faint murmuring of the television and she couldn't help but wonder which movie Natasha was watching, Center Stage which had always been her go to comfort movie or Black Swan which was now her second choice.
"Alright now, love?" Peggy asked as she walked out of the living and towards her wife.
"I'm sorry I was gone so long." Angie replied with a nod. "I stopped at the church first."
"I figured." Peggy replied as she took the shopping from her wife.
"Nattie?" Angie asked.
Peggy sighed softly. "Physically, she's not too bad off, nothing broken thankfully. I think she's a bit overwhelmed by it all, honestly, and she's trying not to show it. She also seems to be carrying around a lot of guilt, that I'm not sure about."
Angie thought about it for a moment. It wouldn't surprise her if Natasha was feeling bad for making them worry, especially knowing they'd seen it all play out on the news. But Peggy would know that as well, so if Peggy wasn't sure why their daughter's guilt seemed so heavy on her shoulders, than maybe, "Do you think she overheard us this morning?"
"I would have heard her." Peggy said with a shake of her head.
"You're an old spy, hon, she's a young spy." Angie teased. "It wouldn't be the first time she's snuck up on us."
Peggy huffed as she turned and headed in the direction of the kitchen. "I'm not that much older than you."
Angie laughed gently, and then took a deep breath and headed into the living room to see her little girl.
After her mother had finished fussing over her injuries Natasha changed into the leggings she'd wanted to wear, and threw on a hoodie over her tank top. She wanted to cover as many of the bandages and wraps as she could so Angie wouldn't have to see them. Sitting on the sofa with her right foot up on a pillow and bundled into a blanket from her mothers' bed, Natasha looked up from the t.v. when her Ma walked into the room. When she met her mother's gaze, she managed to hold it for a few seconds before ducking her head. "I'm sorry, Ma."
"You scared the hell out of us, Natasha Elizabeth Carter." Angie replied, a stern but gentle edge to her voice. She walked over and sat beside her daughter on the sofa and pulled the younger woman into her arms carefully. She tucked Natasha's head under her chin, making sure to be mindful of the newly stitched up gash she knew was near her hairline. "Until yesterday I could chalk up my worst fears to an overactive imagination, but now I know that even my wildest thoughts can't compare to what you're really out there doing."
"Yesterday wasn't normal for me." Natasha said, trying to be reassuring as she snuggled into her mother's arms. "We can always pretend it was just a nightmare."
"We can't do that, angel." Angie tightened her hold just a little. "What happened yesterday might not have happened before, but it could, and probably will happen again." Angie sighed. "And like it or not, you're going to be in the thick of it when it does, because your Mum and I raised a damn superhero."
"I don't have to be." Natasha said softy. "I'm not even sure I am one or if I want to be one or if I should be one. I don't have to be an Avenger, it's not like there's anything about me that makes me special. I could just go back to doing what I was doing or I could even quit, do something more diplomacy related, less espionage related. You and Mum shouldn't have to spend so much time worrying about me."
"Natasha Elizabeth Luisa Martinelli-Carter." Angie said as she pushed Natasha up gently to look her in the eyes. "Let's get some things straight right now little girl. First off, you are extraordinary. You have incredible skills and abilities that come from hard work, determination, and self discipline. You trained and studied your ass off to become what and who you are." She reached out and poked Natasha in the chest where her heart was. "You're abilities come from you, not a magic hammer, or a science experiment gone wrong, or gone right, or from a high tech suit of armor. Your power, is all you."
Angie paused when she felt Peggy tap her shoulder and hand over a couple of pills, a small bottle of yogurt smoothie, and a bottle of water which she then held out for Natasha to take. "Here, take these with the yogurt. You're going to want to coat your stomach, those are some strong doses they gave you."
Natasha gave her mothers a look when Angie held out the yogurt smoothie meant for children, but she didn't argue. She popped the meds, and washed them down with the birthday cake flavored smoothie, then took the bottle of water.
"Now, where was I? Oh, yes." Angie continued now that Natasha's meds were taken care of. "Natasha Elizabeth, you know better than to eavesdrop on your mother and me, especially if it sounds like we're arguing, because even if it sounds like we're arguing about you, it's really a matter between us." Angie felt Peggy put her hands on her shoulders as she sat on the arm of the sofa behind her. "We were both runnin' on to many emotions and not enough sleep and we were blowin' off steam at each other."
"I'm sorry." Natasha said softly.
"You should be." Angie scolded. "We raised you better than that."
"You weren't wrong though." Natasha sighed as she took mental notes of everything that hurt. "I am just human."
"Yes, you are." Peggy said firmly. "But all that means is that you need to be more mindful of some of the things you do, not that you shouldn't do it all at. I mean, honestly, was launching yourself off Steve's shield absolutely necessary, Natasha?"
"You saw that?" Natasha was a bit wide eyed. Her mother nodded and she gulped. "It's not like I had time to hail a cab and take the elevator to the top of Tony's building, Mum."
"I can understand that." Peggy replied. "I've had to make strange calls in the heat of the moment." Jumping off the upper level of a Roxxon refinery onto a moving car ran through Peggy's mind, as did stepping out onto a thin and narrow ledge, getting on top of a moving milk truck to fight a man, and those had just been within her first year in the New York office. "I also know that in those moments, when you're willing to risk everything to save the day, that there are people outside of that little bubble who are not willing to risk everything. It's all well and good to save the world, poppet, but it wouldn't be much of a world for us without you in it."
Deciding that they'd all had enough of the heavy stuff Angie decided to lighten things up a little by laughing. "Well I'll be damned, English, all these years and you were actually listening to me and Mr. Fancy when we use to tell you the same dang thing."
"Oh hush you." Peggy replied before kissing her wife's temple. Then she looked at her daughter and smiled. "I have one last question, poppet. How long had you wanted to do that?"
Natasha laughed, though not as hard as she would have liked to, given her current state of bustedness. "Awhile."
"Was it as fun as it looked?" Peggy asked with a wicked grin.
"Yeah, it was kind of awesome." Natasha answered with a bright smile.
"Really English?" Angie said with amusement and a shake of her head. Then she gently pushed her wife off the arm of the sofa. "Go make lunch, you got all the morning cuddles. It's my turn."
Her mother hadn't been joking about the strength of her meds. Natasha wasn't snuggled into her Ma for more than ten maybe fifteen minutes before she was out like a light thanks to the pain meds. Her Ma must have seen it coming because Angie had shifted them around a bit until Natasha was laying down with her head on a pillow in her mother's lap. At some point during what turned out to be a three hour nap, her mothers had switched places because as her eyes fluttered open she could see her Ma across the room on the phone, but her head was still on a pillow in someone's lap, obviously her Mum's.
"Do you honestly think I give a rat's ass what Fury wants, Steve?" Angie's voice was low, firm, and quite as not to wake Natasha. "Natasha is off limits for the next seventy-two hours." A pause as Steve replies. "Again, I don't care. My concerns are for my daughter. My priorities right now are taking care of her. Her priorities are to recover from her injuries." Another pause. "Tell me Steve, what kind of injury did you suffer?" Steve replies. "None, that's what I thought. You will all have to deal with things without her for the next few days." There's yet another pause as Angie listens, and then she rolls her eyes. "Of course you can talk to Peggy, Steve. But you're not going to get a different response from her, because we're in agreement about this. We raised a tiny spy together, Steve, do you honestly think we're going to be played off each other?"
"Is that my work phone?" Natasha whispers as she watches her mother argue with Steve apparently.
"You're mother's had it and your personal phone in her purse since last night." Peggy answers.
"That explains why I hadn't heard from anyone." Natasha sits up slowly and carefully stretches.
"May called, I made sure she knew you were alright." Peggy reassured. "Your mama grabbed your work phone before I could get to it. She's been arguing with Steve for twenty minutes."
Natasha sighed softly as she pushed off the sofa and limped over to her Ma. Holding out her hand for the phone, expecting her mother to hand it over. Instead Angie knocked her hand away and shook her head as she mouthed the words no and grounded. Natasha blinked. She watched as Angie walked over and handed the phone to Peggy, who then disappeared into the other room. "Ma?"
"You need time to heal, angel, and your Mum and me need time to fuss." Angie told her girl as she brushed at Natasha's hair. "So for the next three days you can consider yourself grounded."
Natasha groaned and rolled her eyes playfully. "I've got to be the only superhero ever who saves the world and gets grounded for it."
Angie laughed as she put her arms around her daughter to hug her.