"It is impossible, I think, to fathom the true depths of human grief."

There's a small stream on the outskirts of the city, a long forgotten rivulet with water that shambles along at a slow, lethargic pace. Smooth stones lie along the bottom of the brook, and occasionally a minnow or two darts by, the sunlight catching on its scales and glinting brilliantly against the terra cotta background. The water is clear—crystal—almost to the point when it doesn't seem like there's any water at all.

The surrounding environment is all woods. Trees and leaves and soft dirt and the color green. It smells like life—a virid mixture of pine and earth and patchouli and something fresh and clean. There's a soft breeze, whispering to me as I pass, and something sweet and welcoming is carried on the air. Great boughs of deciduous trees peer down, and everywhere you look the world just seems to be so brilliantly alive. A song dances through the air, the jubilant tune of mockingbirds and nightingales rising and falling with the come and go of the day. Everything is tranquil and utterly serene, from the rays of sunlight spinning with slow motes and filtering in from the tops of the trees, to the soft babble of the brook as it creeps by.

When we buried you, we didn't actually bury anything—just a box. The three of us, the only piece of your family that remained, piled our memories and our sorrow into an ancient chest and left it behind there. I remember scooping out the dirt, using our hands and the crude, garish shovels that we'd bought at a cheap cornershop. The earth was soft as we worked, and for a moment all I could think of was your body, lying somewhere in dirt like this. Just a pile of bones left behind to decay.

I almost had to stop.

After we'd created a large enough pit, I lifted our pretend coffin and placed it at the bottom. The three of us piled dirt on top, and then the box was gone. Meredy wanted to mark the grave somehow, I guess to honor your memory, or something. We helped her search for stones, and eventually we gathered enough pebbles between the three of us to construct a makeshift cairn of sorts. Nothing more than a little pile of rocks, really.

Jellal placed a muddy bit of quartz on top. We cried.

After, we went to the edge of the creek and said our final words, letting the water bear the weight of our sorrows. I released a handful of white peonies into the stream; they were always your favorite.

There was a melancholy aura about the entire thing. And for the first time, the mockingbirds were quiet. The only sound carried on the air was the sorrowful song of the Hoopoe. Forlorn notes pierced the world of the forest, and clouds seemed to roll across the sky. Hoo-poe. Hoo-poe. My companions started crying again. I might've, but all I could think of was your body, rotting somewhere down in the earth.

Maybe it was macabre, but I was too numb to feel or think much of anything at all.

I remembered taking the letter in my hands, placed in my palms by Meredy and Jellal, who explained finding the pieces of parchment on the road, left by some strange woman who disappeared without a word. We knew it must've been her, had to be, but speculation didn't answer our questions and didn't give us any peace.

I remembered opening the letter with shaking hands, reading it once—twice—a third time. I remembered casting it aside and weeping, Meredy cradling me in her arms as we grieved. It went like this:

My beloved Alexandria,

I can only hope that one day, you will find it somewhere within yourself to forgive me for what I have done. Truly I say to you, everything I did in the end, I did it to protect those I love; I did it to protect you. Because I have loved, and I always will love you. It has been the greatest honor to call you a rival, sister, comrade, and above all, one of the most ineffable human beings I've had the good fortune of meeting in my life.

I'm sure you've discovered by now that I have left you and my beloved Meredy to very soon depart from this world in peace. And, while I am sorry for neglecting telling you of my choice, I will never apologize for my actions that fateful night in July. I would do it all over again if could. I would do it because it would save Meredy, and it would save you, and it would save every single life that I once would've taken with ease.

I have spent my entire existence cursing my lot in life, feeling cheated by the hand fate had dealt me. The rage that burned inside of me consumed everything in its wake, stripping from me my humanity and my spirit—everything that made me who I am. I am sure you know this feeling, after all, we had a very similar childhood. Only, you had the good sense to leave it when we were young. The same could not be said of me, and I spent many years making up for my lack of morality and hating myself. But it was all time wasted. Alexandria, I have had a revelation. The world around us is infinite, filled with more wonders than the mind can fathom. And though there is pain in this life, there is joy too, great joy we can only see if we allow the guise of pain to fall away from us. What I am saying, is that I have never felt more at peace than I do now, filled with love and satisfied with the knowledge that I have fulfilled my purpose. Any atonement that I owed this world I have given. I am thankful for this life, and now, at the end of my journey, I have found what has eluded me all along—happiness. I am able to forgive myself. I can finally let go.

I am grateful that I had this chance to tell you goodbye, because that's the least you deserve. And I know you hate goodbyes, but I couldn't part without expressing my gratitude. I weep as I write this, though, because the thought of hurting you pains me more than any other wound could.

There is something else, something I must make known to you whilst I still can. Alexandria, listen; something is coming. I know not what it is, and I cannot express to you when exactly it will come, but I know it will arrive nonetheless—time has told me as much. And I know that this something—this future—will deeply entangle you and present challenges I remain unable to fathom. My darling Alexandria, you are the strong, but you are not invincible. So please, I beg you, even if you ignore everything else I say, even if you despise me forever and all of eternity for leaving you like this, I beg you to heed my warning and remember our promise—that you would survive. I may have forfeited my end of the bargain, but it is the prayer of a dying woman that you would uphold yours.

Know that I believe in you. Even it means nothing, I will always believe in you. And I love you. And I hope that someday you will allow yourself to live your life and love with the utmost peace, freedom, and joy which I know already you are capable of doing. Let yourself love and be loved, Alexandria. Find what it is that sets your soul on fire and cling to it without letting go.

This life may fade, but my love for you never will.

Forever and Always Your Sister,

Ultear.

The weeks passed in a fog I was unable to shake and remain unable to recall with utter clarity.

I did not depart from Crocus with the rest of my guild. Instead, I wasted several days in the capital searching for a ghost. It was futile. The only thing I found was the lingering sting of loss that rattled through my bones. Ultear had disappeared the night of the ball and was gone long before I went to her room the next morning.

Meredy and Jellal assisted with the search, Laxus too, at first, until his grandfather called him back to the guild on urgent business. He was reluctant to go, seeing the state I was in, but I was already conflicted enough with Ul's absence that I didn't need the further confusion surrounding our… relationship… to torment me as well. After his departure, I was left solely with the companionship of Meredy and Jellal. We had each other, yet, despite knowing Meredy for a number of years in our youth, I could not escape the fact that a gap of seven years now yawned between us. Seven years of nothing—of not knowing or speaking with her or Ul. Seven years skipped in a heartbeat for me but trudged through with every ounce of realness and suffering by the newly established Crime Sorciere. As Meredy and Jellal recounted their shared memories of Ultear, I listened in as a stranger, unaware of all that had transpired in my absence.

We held a placebo funeral a few days later, after receiving the letters and spending several more days combing the suburbs of Crocus for our companion. It eventually became clear that the search was pointless. Ultear made it obvious that she was not to be found, that she wished to die in peace, and she was certainly clever enough to ensure that the three of us would not be able to find her. We would have to settle with not knowing.

In Crocus we remained, with Meredy and her ever-present optimism, even in the face of great tragedy, spurring us onward to eat and drink and get out of the bed every morning. She spent much of her remaining time in our hotel, drawing or painting or staring vacantly into space. In contrast, Jellal disappeared for hours at a time, doing gods knew what, but I assumed it was likely associated with the warning he'd told me they'd received from the one known as "Cobra". I threw myself into aiding the city's reconstruction efforts, which persisted despite the time that had passed since the games. The distraction of work was the only thing I knew to help myself move past such bottomless grief.

I was surprised by how cathartic the occupation was for me. I worked to aid healers dealing with any remaining fallout resulting from the calamity. I was even able to work in the actual institute where they housed the sick and ailing, assisting nurse healers and helping ease some of their burden. It was so alien to see magic used to heal others rather than attack or defend oneself, and I relished the opportunity to play a part in rehabilitating the people of Crocus—the people Ul had saved in the first place. One senior healer was so impressed by my devotion that he encouraged me to remain and train at the institute, beginning the process of becoming a certified healer in my own right. I declined, but the thought nonetheless lingered behind.

Death makes one pensive. It makes a person look to the future and stare their mortality blankly in the face. The reality of it is suffocating. To be young is to feel invincible, untouchable by time and the universal march of human fate. Yet when presented with the death, the extinguishing of another life held so dear, you realize that you really don't have forever after all.

I'd known this before, of course, but looking at it after Ultear's death was somehow different. Suddenly, I was asking questions I had never once thought of before. Where would I go next? Would I simply remain at Fairy Tail forever, remaining a mage-for-hire until my bones dried up and my skin shriveled and I met my inevitable end? Certainly, I would grow too old for this trifling work one day, but where would I go then? Fairy Tail was my only family left, other than Meredy, and I certainly couldn't abandon them.

Once upon a time, family had meant Ultear. It had meant my siblings—the only others I'd known to trust and, in my own way, love for the earliest part of my life. And then family meant nothing, after I abandoned the only one I'd ever known. Until I found Fairy Tail, after months of wandering, and home took on a new, softer meaning. I encountered Grimoire Heart again, that fateful night on Tenrou, but I knew then that I was no longer a part of their family. My heart didn't belong to Azuma, or Ultear, or Meredy. It belonged to me. And then seven years passed, and, against all odds, I found them again. Still scarred, but no longer broken as they had been before. Ultear and Meredy, my family, reunited with me once again. Until Ultear was stolen from out of my hands for the second and final time. Family suddenly seemed to be something small—something dwindling—something I had to protect.

"Lex?"

I looked up, pulled from my clouded thoughts to look into a clear pair of rose-colored eyes. Meredy frowned at me in her characteristic, concerned way. It was comical, the younger sibling taking care of the old. Though I supposed that now, with seven years gone by, Meredy was now my elder.

"Lex, I'm worried. I don't think this is a good idea. Don't you think you should stay a few more days, rest some more?"

I sighed and looked at the neat arrangement of things in my room, which I'd been mechanically packing as I mulled over my thoughts. Most everything was in order, though I still needed to grab my toothbrush…

"Lex—"

"Meredy, it's been two weeks already. I've already gotten several letters from the guild, and from what I understand they were having quite a number of problems, especially with Lucy's spirits, that I should have been there to help with. It's time for me to go home."

"Stay here, Lex."

I turned to fully face her, not understanding what she meant. "Huh?"

"Stay here. In Sorcière with Jellal and I. We could use the extra help, after all, and I know you are more than capable of handling yourself. We could be together again, and we'd get to travel, all across Fiore and even beyond. I remember how much you used to go on about wanting to see the world. And besides, what better way is there to honor Ul's memory than by carrying on the legacy of justice she started?"

And there it was. The offer I was not entirely surprised to hear made, but one I knew in my heart I could not accept. I loved Meredy, but I also loved my family in Fairy Tail, and I knew that staying with her in Crime Sorcière would only make her develop an even greater emotional handicap.

Looking in her eyes, I knew what she wanted. And I knew that those Ul sized shoes could not be filled by me. Meredy would have to realize her own strength and step into those shoes herself—only then would she be able to move forward from this grief.

"I can't, Meredy," I said. "Not now. Perhaps later, but now… Now I must return home."

She nodded, acknowledging my words for their truth, but the tears fell from her eyes nonetheless.

"I'll miss you."

"Oh, Meredy, I will miss you too. Every day."

There are no words for this grief, for the ache that settled like a ghost into my bones to haunt me.

I took the train in Crocus to a town roughly a day's journey away from the guild, near the port in Hargeon. I had not planned this when I set out, but as I purchased my ticket, I found within myself a sudden yearning for the yawning expanse of the sea and the endless horizon that stretched out beyond. I gave myself time to wander the sand, which, in parts, was crowded with revelers enjoying the fair weather and halcyon breeze. In other parts it was empty, nothing more than the crash of the waves and calling of gulls to keep me company as I combed along the spine of beach.

There was solace in this. Throughout history, humankind had always found peace in the fact that, despite our greatest losses, life marched on. The world continued to spin. I found peace in it too—in the calls of sailors pulling into port and the laughter of children as they scrambled to outrun the waves as they lapped back in at the beach.

I wandered several miles, my thoughts stretching out like an eternity before me. For the first time in a long time, I felt truly alone. It was me against the universe—against all of the stars I called upon for my magic and the entire expanse of time itself. Everything was silent, a phenomenon I'd not experienced in an age. I was suddenly free from the constant hustle and bustle of life, free from the constant noise of my guildmates and the constant stream of my thoughts surrounding them. For the first time, I beheld a future before me that was mine and mine alone. It came to me like a vision.

In it, I was older, my eyes heavier and with the beginnings of crow's feet beginning to crinkle around their edges. I was free, in this perceived future, to choose whatever path I wanted, regardless of my past. One moment I wore the ivory uniform of a healer, the next the worn cloak of a traveler adorned my body. Then a magic professor's robes. Then a simple cotton dress.

In this future I was not alone.

There were children. A pair of feet dirty from time well-spent outdoors and a tanned face gleaming with happiness. A daughter, her hair thick like mine, but brighter, a shining blond in the sunlight. I had never imagined myself capable or worthy of being a mother before, but for the first time, the possibility danced before my heart. Ul's words came back to me as though through a mist.

Let yourself love and be loved, Alexandria. Find what it is that sets your soul on fire and cling to it without letting go.

I thought of Levy's face, smiling up at me from the pages of some book. Of the smell of the garden by my cottage, the soil damp and fertile from the toil of my own hands. I thought of Meredy's tears, hitting the earth beside my own as we wept for the loss of our sister. I thought of the wink Lucy threw me whenever she thought of a joke and of all the other members of Fairy Tail that were wholly and completely my family. I thought, too, of Laxus, of encountering him in that filthy old hotel room, all those years ago, of his troubled past, of his bitterness that acted as a poor mask for the deep love and devotion he held for his guildmates. I thought of his scars, his strength, his eyes as they gazed at me weeks ago in the garden of the royal palace.

I loved Fairy Tail, and I would follow Ul's advice concerning it. I would let myself love it and be loved by my family there as long as I lived.

Despite the weight that still lingered in my heart following her loss, this knowledge—this outpouring of love—brought a breathtaking amount of joy and comfort to me as I departed from the beach and made my way back to Fairy Tail—back home.

A/N: This chapter is big sad ;(

I'm planning something a little happier and more humorous to lighten the story a bit before we get into what's about to happen next (Tartaros) because I've got some dramatic and heart-wrenching stuff planned for that. I don't know how long it will be before I post the next chapter, as I have several online exams this week (lmao thanks Uni) so I'm going to be busy again. But hopefully it'll be up relatively soon. Also, a side-note, but I'm skipping the Eclipse Celestial Spirits and Sun Village Arc. Not all the characters were involved in those storylines, and they're kind of secondary to what's about to happen in Tartaros, so Alexandria won't be taking part in them. Anyway, I'm very excited to write the Tartaros arc and can't wait to see what you all think a couple chapters from now! It's hard to believe that this story is five years old now (truly, it's six years old, because I worked on it for a year before I published any of it) and it's crazy to see how much I (and it) have changed over the course of me writing it. For reference, I started writing this while I was in middle school and am now a college student. This story has truly grown up alongside me and I am excited to now have the time and opportunity to once again invest into it again (and hopefully I'll finish it before I get to grad school LOL). Okay, enough rambling from me, and as always, thank you all for your continued patience (!) and support/reviews/encouragement. It means the world, truly. Stay safe everyone!