It was a small one-room apartment furnished with the absolute necessary: a desk, a bed, some drawers and a corner for the kitchen.
"So you live alone?" Haji asked. After the war he had known Saya surrounded by friends and family.
"Humans are exhausting. They rush through life, constantly needing change until they eventually disappear."
"I cannot disagree with that." He placed his cello in a corner and walked around the room to take a closer look. To his disappointment there were neither pictures nor any objects lying around that might have reviled a bit of Saya's life. "What about Lulu and the twins? Have you seen any of them lately?" he asked. Saya shook her head. She had long lost contact to any other chiropteran. And when she had come across them by chance she had never approached them.
"I would offer you something to drink," Saya said, walking up and down the room, clueless what to do next, "but…well…I could only offer you some…supplies."
He shook his head. "No need. I have a good source."
"Then if you need anything else just tell me", she said before leaving for the bathroom to get ready for bed.
She removed her earrings and opened the jewellery box to store them. When she opened the lid she could not resist taking out the ring that had been resting there for ages. Technically they had never gotten a divorce. They had simply parted ways. Technically he was still her husband. Husband. The word sounded strange in her ears now. Was there an expiration of marriage, when death took too long? They had broken up with neither fight nor grief. There is only so much time one can spend with another until there is nothing left to talk about. Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky[1].
Saya was just about to slide the band onto her finger but then changed her mind. 'What am I doing?' she wondered, 'this is long past.' She carefully laid the ring back into the jewellery box and closed the lid, not without feeling a little sadness over past times.
There had been other guys but naturally it had never lasted long. Sometimes she had wondered whether Haji had been with someone else as well. She could hardly imagine him with another woman. Evan though she had wished him the best, part of her did not want to believe that he could love anyone but her.
She peaked out of the bathroom door observing him. He was sitting at the table, leaning his head against the wall, his eyes closed. He appeared to be almost as tired as her: his face showing little expression, his head slightly bowed and his arms hanging loosely at his sides. The image reminded her painfully of the times during the war. And yet she could not help but note how handsome he was. When he noticed her, he lifted his head and showed her a faint smile. By now she had noticed the spark that returned to his eyes whenever he was looking at her.
"Well then…good night…I guess." She stumbled towards her bed not quite sure what to say. He rose from his position. "Sleep well", he answered. She stopped in front of him motionless, unable to turn her back on him, still wondering whether there was a non-awkward way to turn away and lie down in her bed. Before she could come up with something to say, Haji stepped forward and embraced her gently. "It was good to see you again", he said. She relaxed in his arms and closed her eyes. It felt good being held by someone, she could not deny that. How long had it been that someone had hugged her like he was now?
She stepped back when she felt a kiss on her forehead.
"Sorry…old habits die hard", he excused himself sheepishly.
"As long as it's not a bad habit" She smiled vaguely and pulled him back into the embrace. On the one hand she feared for emotional complications, on the other hand his warmth and the comfort of his arms was what she needed right now.
Suddenly everything was back: all the reasons she had fallen in love with him, all the memories of their time together and all the emotions she had once felt – though only faint but yet present.
With the recollection of former flames a spark of passion kindled…
"Why did you call for me?"
She felt his fingers stroking a strand of hair from her face then tracing down her arm all the way from her bare shoulder until his hand found hers.
"I guess I was feeling lonely. Sometimes it is good to have someone around who won't disappear in a wink." This was not a lie but Haji knew her well enough to realize it was not the whole truth either.
"Saya, why did you really call for me?"
She freed herself from his embrace, tried to find a sitting position in the small bed and turned away. The covers had fallen from her shoulders and suddenly all warmth and cosiness was gone. She pulled the pink cotton scarf – the only item she was still wearing – tighter around her neck, crossed her arms to shield her naked body and yet shivered from the cold.
Why did he have to ask? Why now? She knew that sooner or later she would have to tell him anyway and yet she could not find the right words.
She did not need to: he lifted his hand and gently removed the scarf from her neck. His movements froze when he discovered what she had been hiding: cracking red lines were running across her skin.
[1] Livgren, K. (Composer). (1977). Dust in the Wind. [Kansas, Performer]