Hailey had been in the army for nearly a year now, which meant she knew Jay almost as long. Having these routines and regimental lifestyle had been good for her. And of course, being away from home helped in and of itself. But by far the best thing out of all of it was the friendship she had developed with Jay, and Olivia. Hailey didn't have too many close girlfriends back at home, between growing up around two older brothers turning her into the tomboy that she was, and just not wanting to bring anyone around her dad; it didn't allow for many. And as for her male friends, once puberty hit and she clearly started growing more into her looks, they all just started treating her differently. Instead of wanting to play ball or any of their other physical activities, they wanted to do something else entirely physical with her. She did have a boyfriend senior year, but that had ended in epic fashion once he started to realize her army aspirations. So because of all of this she was incredibly thankful for meeting Olivia, Bobby, Mouse, John, and of course, Jay. They had definitely become her best friends, none more than Jay. The two of them found a way to make each other laugh despite the darkness that surrounded their youths, and somehow trusted the other enough to open up to them more than anyone else. In fact, one conversation in particular a few months ago really solidified their deep bond.
"So, you never did tell me why you wanted to join the army, outside of 9/11 of course. It's still not too common to see girls join, certainly for our positions." Jay asked her quietly outside their bunkers while they sat on some nearby brush.
"Well outside of wanting to help people and protect those I care about, it also just felt like the right move. My dad wanted me to go to U.C. to become a lawyer, but man, I don't know, it just didn't feel right to go off to college and party after all that happened to this country a few years ago. We should be better than our pasts."
Jay smiles softly at her. "Yeah, I get that."
"It was more than that though…" Hailey looks down at the ground and whispers it so quietly that Jay almost didn't hear her.
She takes a long pause, appreciative that he's being patient for her to continue. "My family life was never all that great. And I knew once I became old enough I just had to get the hell out of there. Don't get me wrong, I adore my brothers. They'll always be my best friends. But they're a bit older and had already escaped and started on their new lives. It wasn't easy living with my dad… he, he used to drink a lot, which made him angry a lot, and he would take it out on my mom… physically. And sometimes, on us, especially when we tried to defend her, for defending us. And yet, no matter what he did, she still stuck by him, would never leave. They say God only helps those who help themselves, I guess. And I love my mother, I do, and my dad, I mean, they're my parents. But I just couldn't hang around to watch it anymore, even if he's tried to get better over the years."
There's a long silence when she finishes and she can see Jay studying her out of the corner of her eye. His expression shows surprise, but also overwhelming empathy, and surprisingly no trace of pity- which she loathes. She appreciates it, but she takes his silence as awkwardness, which she didn't mean to cause.
"I'm sorry, that was a lot to lie on. I'm actually not sure why I even told you, I never tell anyone. So let's just pretend I joined the army for only the first portion of my answer." She says while averting her gaze from him again.
Jay snaps out of his trance, so in awe of this strong, beautiful, funny girl who takes care of everyone around her and now who apparently has held so much in. He's never felt more connected to her. He quickly reaches out to grab her hand, wanting to reassure her that she can always open up to him.
"Hailey, no, I'm sorry. I'm so appreciative you shared all of that with me. Your childhood sounds like it was rough and yet it amazes me how awesome of a person you've become despite all of it. And in a way, I can understand…"
It's his turn to pause and her eyes go a little wide while waiting for him to continue.
"My dad is a prick too. Not like yours in terms of physical abuse, but he drinks a lot also and the verbal and emotional abuse to my mom is appalling. In a way I've now accepted the fact that I'll never be good enough for him, but my mother is a saint, and the fact that she has to put up with him angers me so. She's actually why I didn't join straight after graduating. I couldn't bear to leave her alone with him, especially while my brother was already off at college. But eventually, like you said, there comes a point where you just can't stay in that house anymore…" his voice drops as he says the last part and his eyes look down to their joined hands.
They stay quiet for a while, allowing their revelations to settle in the other's mind. Their thumbs stroke over the top of each's hand allowing the brief moment of comfort they've never had from anyone else. Finally Hailey breaks the silence.
"I guess we're both pretty damaged, huh?" she turns to look at him again and their eyes bore into each other.
"Maybe." Jay smiles sadly. "But they do say damaged people make for the best stories." He bumps her shoulder with his.
Hailey chuckles. "Well, there's a positive spin I never thought of before."
"I aim to please."
"I think this was enough gloomy talk for one night, don't you? Can we just go back to you making fart jokes again?" Hailey teases.
"You know I'm down. In fact, I just ripped a juicy one, you'll probably want to cover your noise soon."
Hailey drops his hand and shoves his shoulder as they both crack up. Forever grateful they've found someone else to dig deeper under the surface with, but also goof off like they finally don't have a care in the world.
Hailey and Olivia are sitting on Olivia's bottom bunk browsing through a magazine and enjoying their brief break. They had all just finished their Advanced Individual Training and would find out on Monday where they'd get stationed and if they'd be together.
"I can't believe it's almost been a year." Olivia explains.
"I know, it's pretty crazy." Hailey replies, flipping the page over.
"What's even crazier is that it has been almost a year and you haven't slept with Jay yet!"
Hailey rolls her eyes. Olivia has been incessant with teasing her friendship with Jay since it started. She usually tries her best to ignore it and doesn't understand why she singles Jay out of the guys. Of course she's the closest to him, but a guy and a girl can be just friends.
"Would you stop that already? He's like my brother!" she tries to explain.
Olivia drops her magazine and gives her a sardonic look. "I didn't know you were in the Royal Family… do you want to sleep with all of your brothers?" she jokes.
"Shutup!" Hailey laughs. "You're one to talk, you're always hanging around Bobby. Your voice may as well purr when he's around."
"You see Hails, there's the difference between you and I. I have no problem admitting that one drunken night I'll be ripping all of Bobby's clothes off. You, on the other hand, act like you're not even attracted to Jay."
"Because I'm not!" Hailey tries to sound adamant, but even she knows it came off a little weak, causing Olivia to shoot her another look. "Olivia, please! What Jay and I have is good. We understand each other. He's one of my best friends, something I don't take lightly as you know. There's no need to complicate things."
"Whatever you say. I'm just saying, sometimes an itch becomes too hard to scratch. And sometimes, only one person has the right nails for it…"
Olivia simply states and turns back to her magazine, leaving Hailey's mouth slightly open in shock. She loves her friend to death, but her and Jay in that way is just something she tries not to think about. What they have is too good to mess up. She repeats it like a mantra in her head, hoping to convince herself of it.
It's easier said than done when the group of them is hanging out at a restaurant bar hours later. Mouse and John went up to the bar to try to hit on some girls, while Bobby took Olivia over to the dart board, leaving Hailey and Jay alone at their table for a bit. She watches him take another sip of his Budweiser and can't help herself from wrinkling her noise at it, an expression that of course he catches.
"What's with the stink face?" he asks smirking.
She grins back. "I'm sorry, I just can't believe you're drinking Budweiser. Gross!"
"And what would you recommend, Upton?"
"Me personally, I'd probably go more with a Stella Artois." She says with a tinge of a fancy Dutch accent.
"Wow, you're really uh, oh, what's the word, De Snob!" he jokes.
"The Lake Forest in me is escaping …"
"What? I thought you were from Greektown?"
"Just a story I tell in bars…"
They grin at each other and Jay teases back. "Oh, all the bars that Miss 19-year old Hailey Upton has been in?"
"Hey! By next week, it'll be legal age-wise for me to drink in a bar in whatever country they send me to."
"Fair enough… so, Lake Forest huh? That explains a lot."
She rolls her eyes. "We left there when I was eleven. That's when my parents opened the diner. They thought it would calm things, not having my dad all buttoned-up executive-stressed anymore…"
Hailey feels herself about to be immersed in horrible memories, but thankfully Jay recognizes her trigger and hits her knee with his.
"So, first official legal drink, tell me what you're getting? I turned 21 right before coming here, so Will came back for a quick goodbye to take me out and be a, and I quote: 'proper older brother'" he uses his fingers for quotes to add effect. "Son of a bitch got me loaded on 'Four Horsemen,' swore it's what everyone drank for their 21st. Picture this, eight double-shots of Jim Bean, Jack Daniels, Jose Cuervo, and Johnny Walker all mixed together. I spent half the night over the toilet in a doorless stall in a dive bar in Canaryville while these old, Irish drunks pissed by my head and Will hit on some girl twice his age. Good times! So I hope your first time is better than that." Jay beams at her.
Hailey laughs, knowing full-well he told the story to keep her in the present and out of her own head and incredibly grateful for the amusement. She felt the familiar butterflies in her stomach that were starting to come anytime he made her laugh or got protective of her and she tried like hell to push them away. What we have is too good to mess up.
Needing to get out of her thoughts again, she finally responds. "I don't know. I haven't thought about it too much. Maybe an Old Fashioned? Our bartender, Nikki, at the diner used to make them a lot and the way he did it always looked so cool and sophisticated."
"Bourbon, Hailey? I knew you were a girl after my own heart!" he playfully cheered her soda with his Budweiser.
"Speaking of girls… Why aren't you over there with Mouse and John trying to get some?"
"Because I'd much rather get put in my place by you. Besides, this may be our last night together for a while depending on where we get stationed and I don't want to waste it on girls that don't matter."
He looks at her honestly and she has to glance down at the table to avoid his piercing gaze. What we have is too good to mess up. What we have is too good to mess up. What we have is too good to mess up. She keeps repeating the mantra over, hoping it sticks, and knowing if she says it enough she'll almost believe it. As if sensing her thoughts and the tension he caused, Jay continues on.
"Besides, we now have to make a list of beers besides Stellaaa Artoisssss that I can order if I don't have you with me. You can help me impress the ladies for next time. Although, I'm really hoping we get stationed together. You smell infinitely better than Mouse!"
"Me too, Jay, me too."
They smile at each other, both trying to slow down the beating of their hearts. Neither realizing they'd be okay with something more, but both too scared to admit it… even to themselves…
[A/N: Just a little more background to their past. Figured I'd delve more into this story instead of my episode-based one while I try to wrap my head around the fact that we've seen the last of Hailey for this season. We had such high Upstead promise for Season 7, but I guess on to the next with more hopes due to these unforeseen circumstances! In the mean time, I'll do my best to continue writing to fill my Upstead void, and hopefully yours too. Much thanks and stay well!]