Rachel carried a Ralph Lauren bag filled with recent purchases, draping the handles over her shoulder as if she did not care whether her new $300 were of no consequence. Thanks to her employee discount, she had spent a bit less than the average customer, but regulars at Ralph Lauren could afford to go through life without considering frugality. Unlike Joey Tribbiani.

Trudging up the steps behind Rachel, he dreamed about what it must be like to have that kind of bank account. He would need to land a respectable audition soon for that to happen, but his manager had never been one to send him the best scripts. Sometimes, he wondered if Estelle forgot he existed. His most recent role as a bunny in a human's body had not garnered negative reviews as he had feared. Worse, no respectable critic had bothered to watch the performance. Joey had thrown away his eight-inch ears five days after opening night.

Estelle had broken the news of the play's closing with her typical dismissive tobacco-damaged voice. "Well, Justin, it looks like your availability opened way up."

"Why so glum, chum?" Rachel asked.

"Who're you calling chum? I'm not chum!" Joey saw hurt in his friend's downcast eyes, but he could not understand why. "No way is anyone using me to catch Jaws."

Rachel's brief sadness transitioned to confusion as she drew back her head. "Jaws?"

"Exactly!"

"You've lost me."

"You know. When Chief Brody is out on the boat with Quint and Richard Dreyfuss?" He raised his hands to shoulder height as if to suggest his reference should have been simple to interpret.

Rachel widened her eyes and opened her mouth as if to say "Ohh!" She nodded her head. "I have no idea what a Richard Dreyfuss is."

"Are you telling me you've never seen Jaws?"

"You mean that movie where a shark eats a bunch of people?" Rachel leveled a finger at Joey.

"Yeah!"

"Well, of course I haven't!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's a movie where a shark eats a bunch of people!" She stalked away from Joey, entered her apartment that had been his, and slammed the door behind her.

Baffled, Joey shrugged and opened the door to his apartment. Chandler sat in his recliner, watching the news.

"Hey Chandler, did you know Rachel's never watched Jaws?"

Chandler gasped and shut off the television. "Do you realize what this means, Joey? We have so many people to call. The New York Times has got to know about this before they go to press!"

"You think so?"

"NO!"

"Oh."

Joey shuffled over to the kitchen table and plopped into a chair. Elbows on the table, held his head in his hands and sighed.

"Why so glum, chum?" Chandler asked.

"Okay, people need to stop calling me that right now. I am not shark bait!"

Chandler slapped his face and dragged his fingers down the length of his nose. His body shook as he failed to contain his amusement. "Uh, buddy, you realize that 'chum' is another way of saying 'friend,' right?"

Joey's mouth fell open. He felt as though his mind's gears had to work overtime to ratchet his jaw back into place. "Of course I new that. Who wouldn't?"

Shaking his head, Chandler stared at the floor to keep a straight face. "I don't know, man."

"On a separate topic, I need to apologize to Rachel." Returning to his morose introspection, Joey let out another sigh.

"What is going on?" Chandler opened the fridge. "Did you forget to eat your sandwich or something?"

"Forget to – what crazy talk is that?"

"I don't know, but you look like someone kicked your dog off the top of the Chrysler Building."

"We have a dog?" Joey's eyes brightened for a moment.

"No, Joey. Focus." Chandler stood behind Joey and massaged his friend's shoulders. "Something's bothering you, and I want to know what."

"Well, apparently, we don't have a dog!" Joey paused for ten seconds before adding his real answer in an unintelligible whisper.

"Speak up, Joey. I only got through my first semester of Mouselish."

"I'm a failure of an actor!" Joey shouted. "Every day I'm not out on stage or in front of a camera is another day my dreams get further from coming true. Do you realize I haven't had a good part since Days of Our Lives? And that only lasted two months! No one's going to want to cast me as the lead in a romantic comedy or action film when I'm in my mid 30s unless I can actually – you know – accomplish something now."

Chandler nodded. "So you're upset because your job's a joke and you're broke. Is your love life DOA?"

"I'm serious, Chandler! I'm running out of time here."

Bending down to Joey's ear, Chandler rested a chin on his friend's shoulder. "What do you want to do about it?"

"I don't know." Joey turned his head to look his roommate in the eye. "I'm in a real mess here."

"What about your manager? Have you called her lately?"

"I just talked to her. The only job she had lined up was gay porn."

Chandler's eyebrows rose to his hairline. "And what did you tell her?"

"I told her no." Joey blew a raspberry. "Why would I want to appear in one of those videos? Do you think Chad Allen's career would survive if people found out he'd been in a gay porno?"

"Do I have to know who that is to answer?" Chandler caught his friend's eye-roll. "Look, I'm guessing you probably wouldn't be able to do anything for Disney after a stint in the adult industry, but most people won't care. As long as you can act, people won't care if you're gay, straight, or something in between."

"So you think I should do this?" Joey asked.

"I can't make that decision for you, Joey. I love you, man. And if you just don't want to take this job, I'll support you. Please just don't let fear of the unknown be what holds you back." Chandler kissed Joey on the cheek, realized what he had done, and patted his back. "Sorry."

Joey waited outside Estelle's office, tapping his foot on the hardwood floor. The air always stank of Marlboros smoldering in an ashtray. Today, he could also detect a hint of Capuchin Monkey feces, a fowl odor Ross had forced into everyone's lives a few years earlier.

The door opened, squealing like Dracula's coffin hinges. "Joshua, come in."

Clearing away a cloud of cigarette smoke with frantic waving hands, Joey coughed and entered the room. "Hi, Estelle."

"So why are ya here?"

"I was hoping you might have some jobs available for me."

The woman gesticulated with her cigarette-holding hand. "Why?"

"Be…cause you're my manager?"

"Oh, sure. Because the manager's always supposed to be doing all the heavy lifting around here. Is that it? You just think that paying me a monthly fee entitles you to hit me up for work? What do you think I am? A PEZ dispenser for auditions?"

"I mean, that would be nice." Joey shrugged like a turtle preparing to duck into its shell.

Estelle spun around in her office chair and picked up a stack of file folders. "Let's see here. Where's my file for Jeremy Tribune? Ah. Here we are. I've circulated your headshot to every theatre and studio in the area. Let's take a look at all the ones who sent a response." She opened the folder and let a single sheet of paper slide out. "Wow. There's so much available for a would-be leading man. You could take this job today and earn up to $3,000 for six hours of work in a film studio."

Ignoring the woman's grating, slightly mocking tone, Joey tapped on the paper. "That sounds like a winner to me."

"You think so? Then let me call them up."

"What's the role? A cop? A fireman? Construction worker?"

"Why? Thinking of joining the Village People?" Estelle stared at Joey. "What? Did I forget to stuff one of my boobs in my bra again?"

Joey almost threw up in his mouth at the thought of Estelle's private parts swinging free. "Just tell me what I'll be doing!"

"Oh, sure. Didn't I say? It's gay porn."

A groan escaped his lips. "That's the only thing you can get for me?"

"Did you miss the part where you get $3,000 for one day of work? Bill Murray didn't make that much when he did that groundhog movie."

"I don't think that's true, Estelle."

"Does that mean I shouldn't call?" The talent manager raised an eyebrow and sucked at the end of her cancer stick. When Joey did not object, she picked up the handset to her rotary phone and dialed. "Hello. This is Estelle Leonard. Is this Cocky Jock Studios? Great. Have I got a model for you!"

The taxi driver took Joey's payment, grunted when his passenger thanked him for the ride, and peeled off as fast as he could, burning tire rubber in the process. Joey almost suffered a broken foot thanks to the recklessness. He had to shake it off, for living in a place like New York City require Joey to handle some of the surliest inhabitants on the planet. He just had to remind himself not to broadcast his intentions of becoming a gay porn star next time his driver asked him, "Where ya headed?"

Standing outside a graffitied brick building, Joey hesitated to enter. Estelle had told him the business that owned Cocky Jock Studios called themselves "Pleasure Island," but he had no idea what to make of that. "As long as I don't start turning into a donkey…" he muttered to himself.

Joey found tried the front door but found it locked. Off to the left, he spotted a set of buzzers for calling up to the various businesses inside. He found the one marked "Pleasure Island" and pressed on it. His finger came away with an oily film he wanted to wash off right away.

"Hello?"

"Hey, this is Joey. Joey Tribbiani."

"What do you want, Joey Joey Tribbiani?"

"Uh, Estelle Leonard sent me. She said you'd have work for me." Joey felt a thumping in his chest.

"You're a model?"

"I guess. Yeah."

A loud buzzing announced he could open the front door. Uncertainty held him back for a moment, but his need to earn money compelled him to go in. He climbed the stairs to the third floor and entered the Pleasure Island office. A masculine framed person wearing a woman's wig and strapless dress stood behind a counter.

"So you're Joey. Mmm. You look tasty as a fine steak dinner, don't ya? I'm Didi Peru, director of porns. How are you, doll?"

Didi's self-introduction stunned Joey to near silence. He gulped and forced himself to put on his flirtatious persona. "How you doin'?"

Didi Peru snorted and laughed, placing a hand over fake boobs. "Aren't you a riot! You'll do just great, I know it!"

Joey smiled, appreciating the confidence in him.

"Tell me about yourself." Didi beckoned to him with crooking fingers.

"I'm an actor. I moved to the city six years ago. Had a role on Days of Our Lives for a while, playing Dr. Drake Ramoray."

"Oh! You've played doctor before! Very nice. Could I see you strip out of your clothes?"

Joey reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it up to reveal his abs and pecs. He grinned when he noticed Didi's tongue hanging out. To finish off, he unzipped his jeans and pulled them down. His underwear clung close enough to reveal his semi-hardon.

"Our subscribers are just gonna want to eat you right up! Now what about something a little more personal. Have you ever done anything with a guy before?"

Flashes of memory reminded him of his afternoon with Chandler two weeks before. He could hear his friend's cries of joy as he plunged his dick in and out. His dick stiffened as the image of Chandler's ass came to him. "Uh, yeah. I've done a few things."

"Like what? Jack off with a guy? I need details, honey."

Joey shrugged. "I was with my best buddy. We saw some gay porn on tv, and he wanted to try it out. The sex, I mean."

"Did you suck dick?" Didi asked, the high-pitch voice sounding excited.

"Yeah."

"And you fucked?"

"Yep."

"Were you on top or on bottom?"

"Huh?"

"Did you stick your cock up his ass, or did he do that to you?" Didi sounded slightly annoyed at having to explain the jargon.

"I was the man."

Didi's nostrils flared. "You were both men, dear. You just took the active role."

"Sure. Whatever." Joey could not understand why Didi had taken his remark personally.

"Have you had sex with a lot of men before?"

"No. I'm straight. That was my only time." Joey spotted the way Didi's lips curled at that. "But I liked it."

Didi adjusted the dress to better conform to the nonbiological breasts protruding out. "Well, in that case, I think we can cast you in our new film, We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boner. It's a Jaws parody, and I think you'll kill it in the Chief Brody role. Especially since you can act."

"You don't need me to audition?"

"Honey, what do you think you've been doing this whole time?"