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Sara
It feels like I'm floating. Whenever I close these eyes of mine I gently travel in this sin we're making. Is it even a sin or is it a mandatory business that has become a part of our relationship?
My legs are spread to the farthest degree of exposure. I've never been exposed like that not even to my own eyes. I know with her glimmering, twittering, tearing eyes, she can see each part of me. Red, wet, dark or light. The parts I haven't seen are in front of her. The parts Emy touched are for her to look at. My folds are dripping for her observation and my clit swollen only for her staring. My lips are dark red with moisture and my wrist is cramping with every thrust I force myself to bear.
I decided to go with my left hand and tease my person till I'm empty of need...but that wouldn't even happen, I'm never empty of need. I need her and I need her and I want her everyday.
My wrist is cramping. My back is aching. The position I'm in isn't the best but I am down for it all because I cannot get enough.
And watching her like this is like tasting the sweet honey of heaven and bathing in the drops of wine. It's intoxicating, the sweet scent of our arousal and the mixture of sweat and grief. Yes, it's grief. I don't know if she feels it but I do because I'm falling for her and I don't know whether it's true or not.
I know I'm hurting her ego by breaking it with every no I say to her hand creeping their way to my skin. But she doesn't stop trying and I can't stop falling. She's angry at me, yet she can't stop offering her art to me.
Her body is art, I should say. She's looking at me with sharp and steady eyes, I am looking at her with tired ones, begging for a release. She's hard and fast whenever she's pushing, rubbing or touching while I'm taking my tender time, scanning every inch of her body and teasing my own body to the extreme that's going to break me, I'm pretty sure.
If I touch her where will I start from? I say I'll taste her sweaty chest first, no, no, no, I'll kiss her cherry lips first. Yes, I'll do that, I'll taste them and I'll go down. I'll pay special attention to the clavicle...just because nobody pays attention to it. Then I'll stain my tongue with her salty fluids. I'll plant marks on her milky skin like the teenager that's in me. I'll make love to her.
Yes, I'll make love to her even if she doesn't believe in love. I'll move to her chest and I'll cherish both breasts. The first will be kissed tenderly, but the second will get a better taste of me. I wouldn't want to hurt her but I'll wet her nipples just a tad, just to give her a sting that will perhaps last till she's finished and panting. I wonder if she'll love that.
I'll move to her stomach. I'll kiss and I'll rest my head there and I'll hold her for awhile. I'll try to get a bit of a heartbeat in my ears. But then I'll kiss all around her bellybutton, and maybe, just maybe, I'll dip my tongue in it and then I'll swirl and circle. But then my heart will start beating quickly because I'll be ready for my feast, I'll be so ready.
I'll look into her eyes and she'll smile at me, I know she will, the way she's smiling at me right now with her drunken eyes. Then I'll place a kiss on the area that draws a barrier between her mound and her lower abdomen. I'll move swiftly, as a butterfly on sensitive skin, I'll plant kisses she wouldn't feel much of them but a tickling sensation that will make her squirm and shake. I'll control my breathing and I'll stare closely, unlike the way I'm seeing from afar right now. I'll place the main kiss on her clit, it would be as engorged and swollen as it is right now, but I'll get the chance to look closer and touch. When I kiss it, she'll fly into the seventh heaven and hops down, holding my hair and pushing me to dive into her cunt. So sweet looking, so puffed, sensitive, tender and red. I'll take my first taste and savour it well with my virgin tongue. I'll lose it, I know I will, I'll lose it and I'll do her so good, so well, so hard, so fast the way her digits are pulling at her lips, the way they're pushing in front of me.
I'll make her come inside my mouth and I'll taste the sweet nectar that will seep out of her opening. Maybe it will kill me right away, or maybe it will make me an immortal. I don't know but I know I'm starting to love her.
I don't know as well but this feeling is making me want to make it up to Emy, the woman who's always waiting to hold me and love me. If I'm going to taste someone it should be Emy first, then with Emy's consent, Tegan should be second.
Who am I betraying? Emy? Tegan? Neither, it's myself. I think it's time. It's time I tell Emy what I want. It's time I move. Last week I spent it like that, nude in front of my roommate. And last week I had to deal with her crying because of me.
I asked and she denied, but then I heard her speaking to Jeremy. She told him I'm doing it on purpose, she told him I'm trying to torture her. But I am not. I'm only scared. I want her and I want her in different ways. She wants me in only that one way.
I don't want to get attached. If Emy and I broke up for a silly fuck with Tegan, nobody's going to be the loser but myself. I want love, I want it now. I don't love Emy as I used to. And I'm not sure if I'm in love with Tegan or the way Tegan makes me feel but I know whatever it is, it's stronger than what I feel for Emy and stronger than what I have thought it would be.
Why can't she fall for me the way I'm falling for her? Is it so hard to fall in love? Whom are these demons who caused her to be this indifferent? I'd want to kill them all and make her fall. I just want her to fall.
I escape a cry out of my slowly giving up lungs when I hit a spot I don't think I've hit before. It's the spot I want, but I don't want to come right now. I circle and rub for a second but instantly pull out and take several breaths. I smile at Tegan when she smiles at me, on her place on the sofa.
I'm on the ground, on the floor, spread widely for her and for her eyes. She's just like that, but I feel more exposed because I'm arching my back and humping the air. It's not me. I haven't done that. I was so opposed to the idea just last month. But it's the power she holds. I know she holds some special power.
Well...she changed me. I'm changed. I'm not who I am anymore. I don't think I can ever be who I am...or who I was before. I'm growing and evolving, I'm opening up to her the way she's opening up to me...but differently, in different matters only. She's talking more, sharing more feelings. I'm getting naked more, sharing more of my skin.
Tegan smiles bigger at me releasing a breathy moan. "You're tired?" she asks. I close my eyes and focus on my breathing. I'm going to regret this. I know I will.
My hand moves to my breast. I cup it at first, I massage as softly as possible. I open my eyes and she's staring, still performing what she hasn't stopped doing. I jump just a tad when my index makes contact with my nipple. And then I cage the tiny bud between the index and my thumb and squeeze. I do the same with the other breast with my other hand. I look at Tegan and I see her bitten lip, I see her give a lick to the jewelry beneath her lip.
I start to circle both nipples fast until I feel the hungry twitch in my clit. I move down and circle it with my left hand, moaning into the silent room. I circle fast and pause, I do it again and pause.
"Sara, please, please," Tegan shouts with a squealing tone. "Fuck your cunt, please." I do what she screams for me to do right away. I push two fingers in my soaked cunt and I thrust again, building myself once again. "Imagine me fucking you. I'll fuck you harder, fuck yourself harder." She's only fucking herself harder, though. However, I do as she asks and I quicken my pace, and whenever I feel it coming, I slow down and take a look at her.
Her back is arched and one hand is squeezing her thigh. The more she arches and humps, the more I slow my pace to focus on her approaching orgasm. She closes her eyes and squeezes them. Her nose wrinkles by itself and her knees shake as she escapes tiny whimpers.
When she opens her eyes again, she finds me smiling at her. My fingers are still inside of me but not moving, only massaging my walls gently. A feeling so good but so soft it doesn't affect me much.
"Do you like teasing yourself?" she says after I return to my clit, circling it then squeezing it with my index and thumb. I look up at her only to see her walking up to me. I think the look on my face was somehow a look of fear, because she says, "Hey, don't worry. I'll just sit there watching you fucking yourself. You take too long. Come on, fuck your pussy."
Her words throw me to the edge just by hearing them if I'm honest. I somehow manage to spread my legs even further and whine at the pain that's hitting my hips and back. She sits between them. Actually, she's lying down on the floor, on her stomach. Her breasts squeezed in front of my eyes and her face is inches away from my cunt. I move to rubbing with two digits and fingering with one.
The pressure is so great that if I just quicken the pace I'll come so hard, I know I will. "Your cunt is so beautiful," she says. "Why can't I just fuck it with my mouth? It's torture. This is torture." She blows at my pussy and giggles when I shudder. I'm losing it. I'm under so much pressure and tension and I feel like I'm going to faint. My head is in another land.
Tegan takes a hold of my ankle and steadies the shake that just started happening. I'm there, I'm so close. She places soft kisses on my ankle and I squeeze my eyes shut, finally circling faster because I can't take all that pressure anymore. "Yes, do it, Sasa." I open my eyes and look at her. She giggles. "You like that? Sasa? I love that. Fuck your cute pussy, Sasa." I escape some disturbing sound. It's like a sob but it's just a whiny, tensed moan
Tegan blows on my pussy and it scares me, thinking she's going to put her tongue there. As if that's going to declare my official cheating. But I can't let her. I'm a whore, I know, but in my mind, touching my human while she's staring is different than her tongue fucking me senseless.
I reach for something to hold and she takes my hand. She sits up and my eyes land on her breasts. I focus there while it's happening. The sensation starts in my lower abdomen and it travels down to my pussy. It's swimming with my fluids, it's there, I feel it, I feel it growing and prospering. I'm breathing so heavily and she's giggling the more the sensation grows. The thing is that the more it grows the more I resist it, and the more I resist it, it comes back stronger and makes my vision blurry.
"Just come already, you're killing yourself." A tear slips out of my eyes and Tegan kisses my hand. She looks at my breast and starts blowing on my nipples. This pushes the sensation to a degree where I cannot resist it. The sensation wins and becomes bigger than my will. It destroys me and makes me squeal. It makes me hump the floor I'm on, and embarrassingly shake and close my legs as if someone was going to cut off my vagina after all the nerves have been lit up and now they're numb and aching.
"Good girl," she whispers. I open my eyes and whimper like a tired dog. She massages my legs and my hand. "If only..." She sighs without continuing. She shakes her head and chuckles. "If you only know how much you're hurting me," she whispers.
"Soon." I touch her hand, but mistakenly with the one that's been in me. I think this is the one that's been in her as well, so who cares. "I promise you," I say again. That's it, I'm going to tell Emy. I want her...I'm hurting her.
"Really?" Her eyes light up immediately. She takes my hand and smiles. I nod. She looks at my fingers and pulls my hands. I squint my eyes and without much hesitation, Tegan pulls my index in her mouth. I gasp, but I can't take it out. I like it. She's sucking my wet finger. I like it.
"Fuck." I moan.
"Delicious." She winks. "Just like I thought, so fucking delicious."
"But with Emy," I blurt out quickly. "A threesome...that's the only way we can touch."
"Oh."
"I'm sorry," I say. "Please, I want to touch you as well," I beg.
"Well," Tegan swallows. "Emy's hot. I don't mind Emy," she says. "But I'm probably going to focus so much on you, just saying, so that better not make her feel left out." She shrugs.
"Deal." I smile at her and she at me. "I'll talk to Emy." She stands up and I take a full look at her body. Her cunt is literally in my face. Emy has to say yes and if she doesn't, then that's it.
My demons have won, Tegan's pussy has won.
...
When Tegan returns from work and sees me crying my eyes out, she hurries to my bed and starts touching me everywhere on my face. It's like I'm dying or something. She feels my forehead and then checks my breathing. Then she lifts my shirt and stares at my back. I haven't felt care from anyone as the care I'm feeling right now from Tegan. I mean sure, my mum's care is the ultimate super care, but that's because it's a mum care. All mums care this way, I suppose. But the Tegan care, oh girl, it's a special kind of care, it's a lover kind of care, no...a sister kind of care. Yes, because a sister cares about your health and fights with you and annoys you but you still love her and she still loves you. It's both a lover and a sister kind of care...not a friend's kind of care, however.
"What's wrong? Sasa? Are you okay?" she ask with eyes wide open staring at me with concern and worry.
"I can't understand this shit and I have a test tomorrow and I'm gonna fail. I can't memorize anything. I have a headache." I continue sobbing and she begins laughing. Exactly why her care is a sister care. A lover would fake compassion, Tegan is laughing at me with mockery.
"Fucking bitch, you scared me. I thought you're having an asthma attack or your back is hurting you or something." She shakes her and stands up. "Stop crying like a baby and make a space for me. Imma help you now." I shift to the side and wipe my tears like the baby I really am, sending glares her way.
Tegan takes off her polo and I stare in delight. I love her body. It's so soft. And so damn toned and perfect looking, just like all of her...while she remains an annoying imperfect person.
She sits next to me and wiggles the coffee cup in her hand. "Nahh," she says when I try to reach for it. "A kiss on my cheek first and a big hug to nice cute Tegan also." She bites her lip. Why does she bite her lip? Why does she keep doing that? Fuck her, I'm falling for her.
"How about I fucking shove my ass in your face?" I growl at her and take my coffee with force.
"I'd probably like that," she says. She laughs when I pinch her arm. "Alright, cut the games. What are you studying?" She takes a look at my book and reads a couple of lines. "Oh for fuck's sake, incest again? Do you not study anything but incest? Is that what Psychology is all about?"
"No," I whisper. "Just please don't waste my time, I'm already lost."
Tegan begins explaining Lacan's theories to me. I understand them, I just can't focus enough to absorb them. I'm too distracted by my thoughts. Different thoughts. Today, Emy and I argued about silly things. She asked me how come I didn't go see the movie we wanted to see together and I went to see it with Tegan instead. Simply because she had so much shit to do and when I asked she said she couldn't. Emy said I should have waited for her. I just couldn't because Tegan offered and I was bored to the degree of slow mental death caused by a wreckage of thoughts.
Emy's been annoying lately, and too jealous, she's just too jealous. Everything I do or say, she includes Tegan in it out of nowhere. Whenever I want to ask her about the threesome, she bitches about something. I am not the innocent party here, I know. But I can't take all of this. My emotions are mixed up and I'm confused. I love Emy, I really do...but what do I feel about Tegan? That's not some regular emotion. It's not a sister emotion, as much as out relationship gives that vibe. I mean let's not forget I memorized the details of her cunt by heart and I could draw it if I can draw.
"Sara, hey, focus. What are you thinking of?"
"Tegan's cunt."
"What?"
"What?" I say looking at her.
"You just said...Oh my God," she yells, "you just fucking said you're thinking of my cunt." She starts giggling like a small child, with evil innocence and everything that's pretty.
"I said that out aloud?" I shout, placing my hand on my mouth. Got to stop this habit, must stop this habit.
"Yup." She gives me a gummy smile. "I was actually thinking about your cute titties so we're even." She bites her lower lip again. Fuck me, why don't you.
"How did we become so sexual?" I tilt my head to the side and ask.
"I've been this sexual since ever, but you my darling," she says, tapping my nose then continuing, "you have become my student. The Tegan student."
"Actually, I'm pretty sexual, but I keep it to myself. I mean, yes, you...you fucking uncaged the tiger in me and now I just have a giant boner in my brain that's thinking of sex and pussies all the time."
"Hopefully that's my pussy you're thinking of." She rubs my left arm slightly.
"I think I just revealed that." I sigh. "Anyway," I say again, "let's continue, I'm beginning to connect things together. What were you saying?"
"Okay, look, it's simple. The Mirror Stage. So fucking simple. You see when a baby is born he has no accurate...let's say identification of himself. The stage starts at six months. It's in the Imaginary. You understand the Imaginary part right?" I nod and hum. "So the baby looks at himself in the mirror and sees his reflection. He thinks that's his true self, but it's not, because that's an imaginary self of parts he put together in his head. It doesn't give him the inside him, it's not his identity, it's merely a reflection. That's why it's in the Imaginary. Like we said, there's no absence, because he's part of the mother, therefore there are security and presence. At the same time there's no identity or language because he's already_"
"Considered a part of the mother, still attached to her," I cut her off, completing her explanation.
"Yes, great. You get it?" I nod and smile. "That's good. What more? Oh, the Father's No or the Father's Law?" I nod. "That's basically the father's opposition to the child's attraction to the mother."
"That's it?"
"Yes, that's what you need to know. Just the term, Sasa." She smiles and brushes my fringe away from my eyes.
"Alright, umm," I begin, "can you explain this part to me? How the fuck is the child attracted to his mother when like, half of us don't know our real mothers?" Tegan squints her eyes at me.
"You're adopted, aren't you?" Tegan asks while looking at me.
"No," I deny again. "I'm just talking about it in general. Like let's say I was adopted as a baby, would I still be attracted to my mother, who's basically not my real mother?"
"Honestly, Sara," She chuckles then continues, "I don't take this theory seriously at all. It's probably wrong. Boys attracted to their mums? Girls to their fathers? What more? Siblings attracted to each other? Imagine." She begins laughing, but I feel offended, because I believe in this theory. But I'm scared I end up like fucking Oedipus and then marry my mum. But like...I mean...if I loved her, I honestly wouldn't care. I wouldn't blind my person or anything. True love only happens once, you know.
"Oh my God, Sasa." Tegan starts laughing hysterically. "Imagine." She laughs again. "Imagine us sisters and not knowing? And then we know? I'd kill myself."
"Can you stop?" I tell her to stop only because I hate the way she's mocking some things that I believe are okay. Not because of her imagination, which is for sure wrong since her mum is so young. Like what? She like had me at fourteen and deserted me?
Wait, that's possible.
But nah, not possible.
"Alright, I'm sorry." She finally stops laughing. "Let's get back. Not much left. You're already pretty sleepy. You should rest and sleep. I'll make you some yummy dinner and tuck you in bed, my cute little Sasa." She pinches my cheeks, both of them. I can never stay mad at her. Not at all.
I take a long, deep, and a happy sigh as I throw my person and rest my head on my pillow after Tegan has made sure that I know everything pretty well. She's such an amazing tutor. She makes me focus because her voice is sex. And even though I think of sex when she's here, I still do focus because she forces me to do so by putting a rule that I should repeat everything after her.
Tegan rests her head next to mine. I nuzzle her hair with my nose and become sweetly drunken by her strawberry scent. "I love the way you smell."
"The pervy way I smell or_"
"Tegan," I shout with laughter. "You're such a..." My words escape me when I feel her gentle caressing to my arm. "Do you really think my titties are nice? I think they're really saggy."
"They're not. They're hot," she says. "Show them. Let's just sit with our tits hanging. I love tits, did I tell you that? And pussy." I shake my head and watch her remove her sports bra. Her nipples are already standing with glory, adorned with the barbel, and are beautiful like all of her. When I take my shirt and bra off, mine aren't hard at all. She stares at them.
"I wouldn't have done that if it wasn't for you. You changed me." She stares hard enough till they start hardening. So slowly, and with a brush of air that comes from her sigh, they harden for her only, shyly pleading to be hugged with her pouty lips.
"It's a good change. Being sexual is good. It releases the oppressive anguish that eats you up at night." Tegan swallows after finishing. She's looking at my face now. I think I can feel her side breast on the arm that's between us.
"What's eating you up at night, Tegan?" I ask her. I know her sad songs start playing inside her head each night. I feel it, I can feel her anguish drowning her to the extreme, to the levels of insanity. I don't know if it's because I'm good at what I'm majoring at or if it's because I feel like she's a part of me I yet have to discover. It's like I can feel her stars shinning and dimming inside my chest. I don't know how to express the feeling, I just feel like my mind can reach hers but is not allowed much entry.
"When you start opening up to me, I'll start opening up to you." I didn't expect this answer. I furrow my brows in confusion. I get nothing but a deadpan face out of her. "By the way, did you notice our boobs look so similar? Like wow. If we took a picture of them, they could be included in sister porn." She widens her eyes and I do too when she finishes her messed up sentence. "Eww, God. What's wrong with me?"
"I noticed though," I say. "Emy's boobs are different. They're way smaller but they're pretty."
"Ya, she has nice boobs," Tegan agrees. I glare. "What? I'm giving your girlfriend a compliment. You shouldn't be jealous. Aren't we gonna sleep all together? Ya, Sasa? Aren't we? When?" She smiles so big I fucking wanna kiss her face so hard.
"She's been in a bad mood lately. I'll tell her soon enough, I promise you. I think I need it more than you. I need something nice and new."
"Hey, I'm nice and new." Before I can respond, she says again, "I know, I know, you're dating her." She rolls her eyes. "Seriously though, hurry. I keep imagining what we're gonna do and I'm so excited. I'm gonna eat you out, I'm so happy."
"Wow." I'm starting to think her sexual excitement isn't healthy at all. "You're obviously hungry. Go get started with that yummy dinner you promised." I push her arm and the tits I forgot are out to the world to see jiggle, which makes me laugh. On purpose, she moves her body and makes them jiggle again. "Nice. Now go."
"You're no fun." She whines like a kid and gets up.
Tegan's shouting and screaming wake me up. I open my eyes to find her arguing on the phone with her mother about the holidays. I listen for a bit until she looks at me then takes a step away and lowers her voice. I understand the message and take sleepy Sara to the bathroom.
I do the morning rituals: shower, breakfast, make sure Tegan isn't as sad as she is each night her body presses into mine, then I go to my classes. I take my test, I do good at it. Because whenever I think I've forgotten something, the memory of Tegan explaining it to me pops up in my mind. Childish, I know. But that's the only way I've been able to actually hope for a graduation next year.
"Tegan broke down at lunch," Emy says. We're walking around the campus to chat a little bit. I asked her how she did and she told me her test went fine, she asked the same question and I gave the same answer.
Her hand in mine and my other one is in the pocket of my coat. The cold is embracing me slowly and I'm starting to feel breathless and tired. Actually, I think that's the sentence she just said made me feel this way. It's like...an arrow had been thrown at my chest.
"What? What did you say?" I look up at her, my eyes wide.
"I don't know. We were just casually talking and she asked me about my family. She was just looking at me and started crying. I took her to the bathroom and she just broke down, she kept crying." I let go of Emy's hand and look at her. "Do you know if something is wrong with her?"
"I...I don't know." That's because I'm a terrible friend. How come I don't know? "She just doesn't say much. She's secretive. But today she was fighting with her mother. But she's always fighting with her mother. It's about her not wanting to join her mother and her mother's boyfriend for the holidays." I shrug after explaining what I had grasped from all the phone calls and the comments Tegan threw here and there.
"Ya," Emy says. "I think it's about that." She squints her eyes and looks at our dormitory. She takes my hand and pulls me towards it. "Let's go inside, I need to pee. It's getting too cold."
When we reach Emy's room, she rushes in inside her bathroom. I look around me and sigh. I start picking up my girlfriend's clothes off the floor. Sarah's side of the room is neat and clean, but my girlfriend's...let's just say she's worse than Tegan when it comes to tidying and cleaning.
"What are you doing?" Emy says when she leaves the bathroom. "You don't have to do that. Give me." She tries to take her shirt from me but I push her hand off.
"Sit down. I'm gonna clean your side of the room. What's that? Is that your dirty underwear on your pillow?" I pick up the piece of fabric and wrinkle my nose when Emy begins to laugh.
"It's wet, beware of touching my fluids and getting a deathly disease or something," she mocks, but sportively.
"Gross. And on your pillow?"
"I was gonna change the bedsheet and the pillowcase anyway," Emy says.
"Did you come in it?" I throw her dirty clothes in her hamper and move to her bedsheet, discarding it, which makes Emy stand up and look at me.
"No. I've been just really wet lately, you know..." I don't let her continue. I know I've been brutally bitchy in that part to her. Whenever she asks for it, I say no. I feel guilty and I feel sad. For many reasons. I feel jealous also. I feel like Tegan's sharing more with Emy than me. I guess that's why I have Emy thrown on her mattress and now I'm quickly removing her clothes. "What are you doing?"
I look up at my girlfriend. Her face is red and mine doesn't hold the old bashful hue it once carried. She's naked for my eyes to see and I'm not hesitant nor scared, nor even shy to look and part her legs and touch her where she wants the most.
I don't know what I'm doing, all I know is that I'm going to cry, but I don't let it, therefore I push my face and take my first ever taste of cunt by hurriedly running my tongue between her lips. She gasps, she gasps so loudly and takes a hold of my hair.
I like it. I think I like it too much that I moan loudly when I take another taste. I pull away and try to control my person from doing both, crying and eating her out like a crazy lunatic. I look at Emy and her blue eyes are adorably wide and staring at me with wonder and excitement. In these times I remember how much I truly love her, but now I'm more than sure this love I feel is sexual and friendly, not the type of love that's destroying me whenever I stay around the destroyer herself.
"Nobody had ever gone down on me," Emy whispers. I feel my face dropping with surprise. "You're my first in everything, Sar." I smile at her and take a breath. I look at her pussy and do what I want to do, locking a sob in my chest and daydreaming about doing it to the woman I cannot just simply call my girlfriend.
I thought Emy was my impediment, but truly, it's Tegan herself and her will to stay single forever. Her will not to love.
"You're so good at everything you do." Emy kisses my lips when I lie next to her, trying to catch my breath and replay the way she humped my face and rolled her hips crazily. It didn't feel disgusting at all, it felt intimate and sweet, and I loved it.
After I kiss her back and stroke her cheek, I pull away and smile at her. "I should have done this a long time ago." I kiss her shoulder but I don't feel the stomach-cramping sensation I feel around Tegan. I just feel like I genuinely appreciate Emy and want to make her happy, that's it.
"I just really, really want us to try something," Emy says. When I don't say anything, she continues, "The threesome, Sar. I want us to try it."
"Are you sure you want to?" My face lights up right away and my grin widens. Her grin is shinning as well and her cheeks are ruddy red as she nods excitedly.
When I return to my room I see Tegan sitting on my bed, hugging her Spongebob pillow and resting her chin on it. I look at her and she looks up at me. Her eyes are swollen but there are no tears. I walk up to her, but her eyes are fixed on my midsection, they do not move and look up at me; therefore, I kneel and face her.
"Tegan," I say. I take her face between my hands and look into the caramel of her irises. "What's wrong?" She shakes her head, but then she starts crying again. " Oh, Teetee, don't cry. I'm gonna call you that, is that okay?" She nods but continues crying. "Why are you so sad?"
"What does it f-f-feel like to have...parents who love you and want you around?" She sniffles and stutters. I sit next to her. I can't really do anything but hold her close to my chest.
"Your parents do love you, Tegan. Just because you mother dates it doesn't mean she doesn't love you." I'm pretty sure her mother loves her, otherwise she wouldn't have checked on her.
"But I bet she wishes I'm not around. I bet she considers me a mistake. If I ever have a child, I'll never do that to them. I don't have normal parents. They're divorced since I was five. They were so young. They dated when they were thirteen and stayed together till twenty-five. I don't know why they got married so quickly and had me."
"Because they loved each other, they wanted to celebrate their love. They didn't know it was going to end this way." I wonder who my real parents are, if they're alive, what they are doing. I wonder if they're together. Maybe I had a single mother, that's why she threw me at my grandmother's door. It's probably the case. I wonder if it's someone my grandmother knows but didn't say anything.
"They think shutting me up by giving me what I want makes me happy. I just want a normal family holiday. I just want to eat dinner with the both of them. I just want to talk. I don't want my dad's girlfriend or my mum's boyfriend near. I want us three. I sometimes wish I had a sister or a brother, you know, someone to share the burden with. Being all alone sucks." She's not crying anymore. She's just speaking with her head pressed onto my chest. I think this is her favourite position, she always lets go of her distress this way. It's like connecting ourselves makes her comfortable to reveal more and more. "What's it like having a normal family, with a sister, and like, parents who love each other? Does it feel normal, Sasa?"
I lift her head up and look into her eyes. "It does feel good," I begin to say. "But it also makes me wonder all the time what my real parents are like. I'm pretty sure they're not like that, otherwise they wouldn't have left me just lying like that on a doorstep." I shrug with a lopsided smile.
Her eyes are searching me, she's not saying anything but her eyes are searching. "So you are adopted," she simply says.
"I am," I confirm. "And the search for my real parents haven't been very successful because my birth mother apparently had made the impossible not to be found. Which is why I keep wondering. I love my parents right now. I truly do. But I wanna know who I am and where I came from and why I ended up this way. I don't even know my real birthday. There is just nothing, no record, nobody, nothing." She nods and looks down at her lap. "Nobody knows about this."
"It's okay." She swallows. "I won't tell anybody."
I don't know what made it easier for me to look at Tegan this way. I know she can sense it. I can't stop looking at her with all the passion in me. Maybe it's the vulnerability she projects only for me, or maybe it's because she's just simply beautiful, or maybe because_
My stream of thoughts breaks when her eyes start inspecting my lips. It's that comfort I've never felt finally setting in the closer she's getting to my face. My breath is erratic and my chest is drumming. I'm cheating and I've cheated. Emy said it's okay to sleep with her and we planned it, so why can't I just kiss her? It's just a kiss. She's seen more of me.
When Tegan swallows and closes her eyes for a second, I lose all the willpower within me and I close any gap that was by mistake between us. I breathe into her lips and she opens her teary eyes, breathing into mine.
And it happens, I lean in and kiss her. I kiss her. I take her lips in mine and swim in the sweetness and silkiness of her flesh. And in this moment, with my eyes closed and my heart racing with time and battling with all my hinged, grave and grievous thoughts, I am sure that I am in love with Tegan Quin. I am in love with a woman who doesn't want to love and wants only to sleep with me for the fun of it.
She kisses like somebody who wants love or is actually falling in love. Not in love but falling. It starts slow and unsure but then she adds more and kisses more, but so damn sweetly, so damn peacefully. And then, she falls, her kiss writhes all around me till I'm caged between her grip, fighting with her tongue and trying to keep my heart from bursting.
I only pull away because I need oxygen in my troubled lungs. She's smiling at me and it makes me smile, with my breath heavy and exhausted. "I always knew your kisses are as beautiful as you," Tegan says. I smile more. "Emy's lucky."
"I talked to Emy," I tell Tegan. "About the...you know." Why am I shy again? Why her eyes make me feel so bashful when they stare like that at me?
"Ya?" She bites her lower lip.
"Soon," I say to her. She nods and grabs my face again, kissing me again, and I fall down again, under her squirming passion, a passion I'm not sure exists or my mind is making it all up.
...
Emy and I arranged the time and place. We arranged everything that at this moment it feels like the beginning of a porno. I'm pretty sure highly-intellectual-in sexual-matters-and-whatnot Tegan Quin is fully aware of our tiny scheme.
Well, my heart is certainly at the level of my feet as I am sitting between both, Tegan and Emy. I wanted Tegan to be in between us. The plan is Emy and I fucking Tegan, not them fucking me. But Emy suggested that since she and I are dating I should sit in the middle. She said that Tegan is more used to me than herself, so I should lead the way at first until she helps me in taking full charge.
Emy chose the film as well. I'm not sure what that is, but the sex scene right now is making me sweat in the very unsexy way. Tegan is smirking and I can see it with the corner of my eyes. Emy's getting turned on and it's quite disturbing. I'm the only one who's too anxious to enjoy this. Maybe my girlfriend was right, I'm too coy and inexperienced to do this. But it's my chance I cannot waste it.
I slightly jump when I feel a hand on my thigh. I look at the hand and then at the owner. Emy's eyes are signaling me to move. I nod and look at the screen. I cannot get turned on because I'm only thinking about how staged all of this is.
The screen is showing a very badly directed lesbian sex scene. I didn't even pay attention to the movie. I don't know the actresses but the blonde is seriously hot. Good boobs. Okay, let me focus on the boobs.
I look quickly to my left and I think my roommate is enjoying the film more than Emy and I are. Her eyes are wide and a smirk is well painted on her face. I swallow all my nerves and look back at the screen again. I can touch Tegan's boobs if I just start to move. Well, not that I haven't touched them. We kissed again last night in bed. My arm was on her breast all the time and she didn't shift them.
Emy and I had sex again, also. I feel guilty but I don't feel sorry.
The blonde is moaning in my ears and suddenly she's not that attractive. I turn around and look at my girlfriend. Emy doesn't give me a chance, she leans in and kisses me like a stray animal who had finally found food on the street. I'm too taken aback to kiss her back. She's sucking my whole face, I think I'm going to be sucked by her fucking mouth and she'll swallow me. That's not how threesomes are, are they? I already hate them.
I have to be in charge so I push Emy and do what she did to me. Kiss her as if I am a cannibal. Okay, maybe that's a bit fun, and maybe that's getting me started. But I'm not sure how that's looking to Tegan's eyes. I push Emy and turn around to look at Tegan, who, without any exaggeration, turns into Mother Tiger and sucks my soul and fucks my being with her lips and tongue, making me fall on my girlfriend, who starts laughing as Tegan eats my face in the most unattractive but very pussy-watering way.
I'm not about to be fucked by these two women. I'm not going to let them do that. My strength and anger chew at me and I push Tegan. I grab her head and take my girlfriend's, making them both kiss each other the way they both have kissed me...if that even counts as kissing.
I watch the two of them kissing as if they've never kissed before. It's the sight I seriously needed to get me going and right now I'm not only going but I'm actually aching down there just to be touched.
I detach them and keep my hold onto Tegan's collar. "Bed," I say hoarsely. "Now."
Tegan looks at both Emy and I as if we are two cheetahs ready to pry on the little lamb. She sends half a smirk my way and walks to my bed. She's already taking her clothes off. My girlfriend looks at me and I shrug. Emy starts taking her clothes off and I look at both of them. Honestly, that's not how I imagined a threesome would be. It's not that it's awkward, but also, I feel clueless on what to do next. I don't know how to make it sexy enough or romantic enough. I know, for starters, that this cannot be romantic in anyway. Secondly, I cannot make it the type of sexy that I have imagined in my brain. My fantasies of absolute dominance seem fading away the more we carry on. I don't feel exactly comfortable but at the same time I really want it to happen.
"Lie down, Tegan. Just lie down and enjoy yourself." My girlfriend is taking my role, pushing Tegan slightly on my mattress. I look at Emy's eyes scanning the nudity of Tegan and I look at Tegan scanning my fully-clothed body. Emy looks back at me and I move.
I start taking my clothes off but Emy gives me a hand and takes them off for me. My eyes are fixed on Tegan's. I can sense the messages she's sending. I wonder if she's feeling the same as I am. I smile at her and she smiles at me. When our smile breaks I notice that my girlfriend is looking at both of us with an expressionless face.
Emy starts it first. She kisses Tegan again and Tegan does not object, she kisses her instead. I look at them and then I travel down Tegan's body. I can have all of it right now. I can touch and I can kiss. So I place small kisses on her shoulder. I look up and I find her smiling at me. My girlfriend is smiling as well. She places kisses on the other shoulder.
Emy winks at me for comfort but I'm far away from that. Right now, I'm just enjoying the serenity Tegan's soft skin is clouding me with while still shaking on the inside. It's the type of romantic lover that I am which cannot make me take this to a dirtier level right away. With Emy, only when I stopped loving her I was able to comprehend the term: sex for sex's sake. But with Tegan, I'm in love, I'm too in love and I just want to love her body while fucking it.
Her moans start becoming resonant when I kiss her breast. The tenderness it carries makes me linger there for a while, feeling the beauty she carries and listening to her sharp heartbeat. Tegan winces when I selfishly suck at her nipple. With her hand she pushes me off. I mouth an apology and Emy looks at both of us.
Emy's looks make me feel guilty because I can see them trying to understand the unspoken of deep connection that Tegan and I share secretly. She breaks her stares and returns kissing and sucking at Tegan's skin till she reaches her mound. I don't do the same. I continue looking at Tegan while she looks at me. She moves her hand and cups my breast. My gasp makes my girlfriend pause her business and look at the both of us again. Tegan whimpers softly, which makes me notice that Emy's fingers are toying with her pussy.
When I make sure Emy's not looking at us anymore, I try to preserve Tegan's upper half for myself again. I kiss her once again but it's not like that weird sloppy kiss we just shared. I kiss her like those few kisses we have shared alone. I kiss her with my infatuation, love, and passion and she kisses me back as if she holds the same emotions only that she doesn't.
When Tegan moans in my mouth a bit too loudly I pull away. I look down and watch my girlfriend down on my roommate. "Holy shit," Tegan says. She takes a hold of me and buries her face in my chest once again. "Emy, oh God." My jealously invades me as soon as I hear my girlfriend's name on her mouth. I push her off and move quickly between her legs. I don't even push Emy away, I just push my face and drag my tongue along puffed lips. And that's the first taste I take of Tegan and I'm not exactly happy about how it happened but here I am already addicted to it and already trying so hard to share what my girlfriend is taking all to herself.
It's easy to control Emy but not that easy to control Tegan. I push Emy away. I kiss her quickly and taste my roommate on her. Then I pull away and push my face right where I want, not allowing Emy any space. I close my eyes as soon as I actually taste Tegan and all the glorious fluids that are escaping her cunt. I circle her clit with my tongue. When Tegan moans I find my favourite spot of her body and wrap my lips around it, sucking it just to hear those moans only for my person and not for anybody else.
Someone takes a harsh hold of my hair and pulls it to the back. My scalp aches and I'm sure it's Emy feeling jealous and being bitchy. She can go fuck herself and watch. I don't care anymore. I found who I love and I want her. I don't care if she doesn't want me. I'll do anything just to make her happy even if she doesn't believe in the happiness of love. Little does Tegan know that what I'm doing right now with my lips and tongue is giving her love the best way I can.
Thinking about her makes me let go of her clit and look up at her. I notice that both of her hands are the ones that are pulling my hair. I also notice that my girlfriend is sitting next to her and only looking at what Tegan and I are doing. I'm too ashamed to look at Emy but too happy to see Tegan drowning in the ecstasy my tongue is providing her. "Is it okay if I finger you, Tegan?" She nods as soon as I ask.
My tongue moves quickly between her folds, from left to the right, up and down. Then I part her lips and push my tongue in her saturated entrance. I take a dip and moan. I fuck her with my tongue first but then I shift to my fingers. I push two slowly until I'm inside of her all the way. I sit up and look at her. I look at Emy then and I find tears collecting at her lids. That's not the way I wanted it to be. I don't want to hurt Emy at all. I just don't think I can love her the way I am so in love with Tegan right now.
"Come here, Em." I swallow my hesitation and motion her near. I want to be fair because I want us all to have fun. Emy looks at me for a second but then moves till she's sitting right in front of me. I look at Tegan's cunt and start thrusting slowly. Tegan closes her eyes as soon as I start fingering her. I close my eyes as well and start kissing my girlfriend.
After the kisses Emy and I share, I end up sucking at her breasts as she fingers herself in front of Tegan and I. Tegan is looking at the scene with tired lids. I feel like I should step up my game so I return again to Tegan's pussy and use my tongue as well as push harder and quicker with my digits.
Her walls feel creamy and soft on the inside. They're warm and beautiful, hugging my fingers perfectly. When I open my eyes again, I see Tegan fingering Emy, which makes me angry. Very angry. I take my two digits out and push with three roughly and without warning. Tegan screams just a bit but then she starts riding my fingers, loving the feeling already. Her eyes are shut tightly and my girlfriend is already coming thanks to Tegan herself.
I tease Tegan, not letting her reach orgasm quickly. Whenever I feel her walls tightening I pull out and just lick her pussy slowly. She whimpers and Emy laughs. I've done that to Emy before, without the licking part, but I've done it and now it's Tegan's turn to taste it all.
At one point I leave Tegan completely and make out with Emy. I let her fondle my breasts and rub my clit for a bit. But then I see Tegan's red monstrous anger that she thinks I don't know so well now, and so I return to Tegan's pussy.
Tegan puts me in headlock with both thighs when I massage the inside of her throbbing walls. I lick at her clit for a second and massage the other. Whenever I lick her button she squeezes more. I try to part her legs but she doesn't let me. I think she's scared I'll leave her again and make out with Emy. I'm not going to do that, she's already close and I need my release as well.
I rotate two fingers inside, going deeper, feeling parts of her I didn't think I'd ever feel. "Sara," she screams my name when I hit a spot that makes her jump, rocking her hips and taking my head with her. "Oh, fuck." I feel her shake and tighten around my fingers. Her fluids begin running down her core and cover my hand.
I'm so proud of my person and happy with my inner Sara at the moment. I made bitch-face, egocentric, sweet, and charming Tegan Quin come and scream my name.
Tegan Quin; however, she fucking pushes me on the mattress, on my pillow, in her previous place, as soon as she recovers from her orgasm.
"Emy, does she do that to you all the time?" Tegan asks Emy, who is on her knees, right next to Tegan. Both looking down at me.
"Oh, yes," Emy says. I'm scared. My legs are closed. I don't want to know what's going to happen.
Tegan grabs Emy's face and kisses her right in front of me, while pressing her hand onto my chest, not letting me move just a bit. "Go get the dildo, Em," Tegan says, looking at me.
Oh no. Hell no.