Creation began on 09-01-20
Creation ended on 09-02-20
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Hope from the Sky: Meeting You
A/N: What was going through Kaede Sogen's mind that night she and Shinji met for the first time in Shiganshina when Wall Maria was reclaimed?
Shiganshina, the southern district of Wall Maria, the first of the settlements that remained in the world that hadn't been taken by the Titans…to be invaded by the Titans due to one of them being much larger than the very Walls themselves…and then, after five years of being abandoned to protect what remained of the human race…was celebrating with wonder and renewed hope. The people that had prayed for a miracle, day and night, to enable them to reclaim their homes and freedom by reclaiming Wall Maria, were undeniably grateful to be able to walk down the streets they hadn't been able to walk down in five, long years. Their miracle, the answer to their prayers, the hope they had longed for…was answered by a purple giant that fell from the sky…and did away with the Colossal Titan, the greatest representation of their fear and hatred of the Titans. And to their discovery, the behemoth was controlled by a young boy no older than youths in the cadet corps, and he had been asked by the Garrison and Survey Corps to help them retake the wall…and he offered his services.
He enabled us to return back to Shiganshina, thought Kaede Sogen, a commoner girl that was taking a huge chance by walking out on the town, full of people that either lived here before or relocated here to build a new life once it was reclaimed, just to meet the boy that made it possible for them to return here. What were you thinking, Kaede? You just want to see him, to thank him for bringing my family home. But he's probably gotten thanks from a dozen or so people elsewhere that wanted to let him know how grateful they were to him. What will he think of you wanting to thank him?
Truth be told, she was terrified of the very idea of trying to meet him, but not because of who he was. No, her fear stemmed from the fears he had of being around many people, mostly men. She managed to handle it by being around few people, day after day, every time she had to go outside. Her fear of others…stemming from a much greater fear of being exposed as a monster.
It had been half a decade since the day people started talking about the Dark Titan, this mysterious Titan that was claimed to have killed more than eighty Titans that invaded Shiganshina through the breaches made by the Colossal and Armored Titans, and she barely got much sleep over it. Her memory of the day was initially riddled with gaps, but at night, in her dreams, she recalled everything…and Kaede, as the Dark Titan…claimed more than eighty Titans. She stopped counting after ripping the ninety-eighth Titan in half, but she didn't want anyone to know that she was the Dark Titan; to be treated as a freak, to be reduced to a piece of research by the authorities and her parents viewed as harbingers of their potential doom were nightmares she didn't want to see become a reality.
"…It can eat the Titans," she heard a man say to some woman across the street from her as she stood in an alleyway, trying to gather her thoughts together.
"One-hundred meters tall," she heard a little boy express. "It's bigger than the Colossal Titan! Even when it's crouched down, you can still see it over the wall! It's like a walking tower!"
Kaede couldn't fault people for conveying whatever they knew from those that knew about the purple giant, spreading their understanding of it to whoever would listen. It was just gossip that resulted from the positive relief they felt when it was revealed they could return to Shiganshina to begin the rebuilding efforts after five years of abandonment. It wasn't everyday that you heard about a giant falling from the sky and protecting the last remnants of the human race from an enemy giant that had attacked you years ago and destroyed your sense of security and safety. And truth be told, this was the first she was hearing of the behemoth's size being greater than the Colossal Titan's, a feat that, to her, seemed impossible to match, let alone exceed.
"…That boy, isn't he affiliated with the Survey Corps now?" She heard one of the children ask as they ran down the street.
"…Loosely! He's helping them, but I wouldn't say he's one of them!" Another child explained. "He'll probably be their secret weapon against the Titan hordes, only he's not so much a secret when he stands out among the people here!"
"He stands out?" A little girl questioned, and Kaede was curious about how the boy that enabled them to come back here stood out. "How does he stand out?"
How does he stand out? She wondered; she had only seen his picture in the newspaper once, but only sparingly, for just a moment's worth, but his face didn't seem to indicate that he was any different from them. I would hear talk about how the people of the Military Police became corrupted by the greed of the rich and powerful people that live in Wall Sina, willing to disregard morality due to their duty being only to protect the wealthy and influential from the desperate and needy that might be members of the criminal elements that still persisted in their society. Then, there's the Garrison, a group of people that tend to protect the people by safeguarding the Walls first, not careless or apathetic, but mainly a defense force. And then you got the Survey Corps, the one group that has been hanging on by mere threads due to their lack of results in reclaiming the lands taken by the Titans and their large death toll, which was much larger than the ones caused by the Titans invading the land within the Walls, labeling any that decided to join that group as a bunch of suicidal lunatics on a fool's errand.
Reaching into the left pocket in her skirt, Kaede sighed as she suddenly felt the need to write a message for the boy she just wanted to praise for his service. She had a spare bit of parchment paper and some ink, just in case she needed to write something, and sat on the ground and got to work. But what to write down? What could she say that would express her gratitude towards the people's new hero?
What do I say to him? She questioned herself, her ink covering the quill she had, but barely above the parchment. What can he hear from me? I am grateful to him and everything, but I don't want to sound like I'm saying what everyone else has probably said to him. What do you say to someone you haven't even met, Kaede Sogen?
She was saddened by not knowing what to write, what feelings to express to this boy she didn't even know. How could she thank someone when she didn't know what words to use?
Just be grateful…and hopeful, she heard a voice say to her, sounding like her own, but more mature than herself and full of confidence.
Grateful and hopeful, she responded, feeling that those words were the best motivation to get her praise on the parchment. Maybe he hasn't found anyone he can talk to about anything other than what's currently going on here. Maybe he hasn't even met someone he can just…talk to. I'd like to be someone he can talk to.
With her chosen words inscribed onto the parchment, she got up and resumed her walk down the street to the area in the district where most people would be to celebrate their feast after the reclaiming of Shiganshina was completed. Since most of the people would be there, it was a likely guess that the boy would be there, too.
"There's so many," she shuddered at the sight of many people in the square where the tables were set, occupied by men and women enjoying themselves; her fear of them took hold again, making her want to walk away and return to her reclaimed home, but she didn't. Just look for him, Kaede. Don't turn away. Find him and let him know!
She inhaled a new breath and took a step forward into the rows of tables, walking around and past people that, due to her fear, gave her the creeps. But she held herself in check…and saw him sitting at a table where few people were; maybe he was uncomfortable with being around many people like she was.
He's so…so ordinary, she thought as she walked over to him. "Um, excuse me, sir?"
It seemed rather ridiculous to address him as "sir"; he had to be no older than she currently was, but she was seeing him in person for the first time in the four months that came and went since he arrived here, and she didn't know him at all. He looked rather young to be capable of anything beyond what a regular person usually did, but then she was reminded that those in the Survey Corps often did things that were next to impossible due to their choice of profession. And, on a personal level, the boy did appear rather…attractive; in fact, this was the first time Kaede ever really bothered to actually look at someone…and find them appealing to herself.
"Um, are you the boy that rides the purple giant?" She asked him.
"Um, yes, ma'am," the boy answered her; even his voice made him seem quite incapable of causing harm, due to his tone sounding nonviolent.
Then, once she confirmed his status as the hero people were talking about, she handled him the folded piece of parchment paper.
"Thank you for fighting the Titans for us all," she praised him, bowing her head before she felt her fear taking over and pushing her to get away from the people around them. You were able to do it, Kaede. You were able to meet him…and got your words heard by him.
"Thanks," she heard his voice, despite not being anywhere near him, but she knew it was his voice due to the soft tone of his voice.
May you find happiness and hope, wherever they are…and whoever you find them with, she thought, deciding that those were the words she would inscribe on the note she gave the boy.
Kaede never expected to actually get to meet the hero that was not at all what she had initially expected of him. Instead of being some mysterious, headstrong or daring soldier, he was just another teen dragged into violence like the rest of them. But he was a good person. Deep down, Kaede knew this to be true; she wasn't sure how or even why, but she just knew that this kid, this…this stranger…was a good person.
-x-
"…Kaede, you're back," went her mother, Christine as she and her stepfather were trying to arrange the furniture around the living room. "Were you able to meet the hero?"
"Yes," she answered as she sat at the table.
"How was he?" Sig asked her.
"He was…not as I was hearing of him from the gossipers. He seems like a harmless boy, but he controls a giant that defeated the Colossal Titan. He's practically the latest in history for incredible feats too impossible to believe. Some people even believe that he was responsible for the disappearance of the Armored Titan when he threw two of the Titans into the sky."
"Sounds like you have a small crush on him," her mother suggested.
"Heavens, no," Kaede responded.
-x-
In the silence of the night as she lay in bed, Kaede couldn't get what her mother had suggested out of her head. She, Kaede Sogen, a common girl from Shiganshina, having a crush on the newcomer known to the public as the one who conquered the Colossal Titan with his own giant wrapped in purple armor that felt denser than the armor possessed by the Armored Titan? Despite having her own issues that nobody else knew about, she didn't even know anything of personal interests about the boy, and he didn't know anything about her, either. But…that didn't stop her from wanting to know about him, and if she was able to overcome her fear of people for a while outside for over an hour just to meet him for a few seconds…then maybe she could endure the presence of others just to find him again and get to know him.
In her dreams, Kaede perceived herself standing atop a mountain that overlooked the lands below, and standing beside her was the boy she had only met for a moment before retreating. He was just standing there, smiling at her…and she smiled back. What made this dream seem sad was despite all the good that happened since he appeared…was that she only read his name in the news, but had no idea of how to pronounce his name; people's names were unique in how they were pronounced, and just saying his name wrong once could've left a bad impression.
When you doubt in your ability to overcome your fears, she heard that strange voice again, you let your fears overpower you. Gather your courage and take the future for you to shape.
Kaede opened her eyes and awoke to the sunlight shining over the wall; her first morning back in her town of birth, and it felt familiar for her to be back here after five years away.
"It feels good to be home," she told herself.
To be continued…
A/N: To clarify after mildly researching it, Kaede did possess a sense of agoraphobia due to Grausam's experimentation on her in creating his Jaeger Titan Serum, as her fear of others stemmed from being exposed as a Titan and her life taken from her. The fear was mostly a combination of sociophobia, androphobia and autophobia, all of which stemmed from her fear of being exposed as a Titan Shifter; people discovering she was the Dark Titan and either wanting her dead or cast out of society (sociophobia), being harmed by an adult or older man like she was by Grausam (androphobia), and then reduced to living with a sense of being in isolation, despite her desire to be around others and accepted (autophobia).