Author's Notes: heterosexual sex / anal sex
Tegan
I am a whore. I know that. I actually do enjoy it. I'm not going to deny it. Plus, what better option do I have than to get myself fucked in every hole possible on Mother's Day? And not just fucked by anyone. Nope. I chose the best of 'em. I chose Ted.
In my position right now, leaning against the dresser with him ramming my asshole, I can think of nothing but the approaching orgasm. His pale arms are both wrapped around my stomach while he pushes quickly. My hair is all over the place while I stare at my breasts moving. His tight grip gets tighter around my stomach with each grunt.
"You should've told me you liked your ass fucked from the beginning," he says as she thrusts. "You seem to be enjoying it more."
"You should've told me you're gay," I say, laughing.
"I'm not." He plants a kiss on my naked back. "But I'll do whatever you want." He kisses again.
"I'm still into women and I'm still disgusted by your penis."
"But you like it so much right now up your asshole." He kisses again and I shiver, not because I'm disgusted, but because it's true; I do like it up my asshole. I also like it up my cunt, pushing without guilt. Sex with Emy is different. It's always careful and there's always guilt after it. With this strange man, though, it's elevating. He doesn't know me. I barely know him. He's too in love with me to say no to whatever I want, and he doesn't feel guilty fucking an incestuous whore.
One of his hands moves lower. I move mine to take a hold of one breast, too. His fingers touch my pubic hair then reach the jewelry, which he gives sufficient attention to in order to make me squirm and curse. Slowly the fingers move against my lips, parting them, feeling the juices within. Two fingers are pushed slowly. I throw my head back and start helping him with the thrusts. Now I have a dick up my ass and two fingers up my cunt. I lower my hand to play with my clit. I just need to cum.
Sara would love this scene. I know Sara. She would love seeing me getting fucked by a man, a strange man, up the ass. Sara's a pervert like me no matter how much she tries to change herself. She's always going to be that whore that loves fucking her sister and everybody around her knows it. Except her stupid girlfriend. She doesn't know but I bet if she finds out, she'll leave without a second thought. Nobody likes to be with perverts
My orgasm hits, but it's quickly gone. I hate it when I get such an orgasm. I work hard on getting it, prolonging it, then it just comes and goes in a matter of a second because the one fucking me is an idiot and doesn't know how to make me have a good one. I sigh after pushing him away, cleaning myself with toilet paper.
"I didn't cum," he says, panting on the floor.
"I don't care," I say. "I have to go." I walk to the bathroom to pee and wash up. He follows me like a lost puppy.
"I was thinking we could have some coffee together." I squint at him. "Just like last time."
"Just because we did it once, doesn't make us friends." I'm a bitch. He loves it like that. "Plus, my sister's girlfriend is throwing this stupid mother's day party and I have to be there."
Stacy called me last week planning this insufferable surprise for Sara. She told me she wants me to be there and wants Emy because Emy's a mum, too. She said it would be as surprise for both, but mostly for Sara because Sara had been through so much the past year. If only she knows. I suggested we'd throw it at my place since it's bigger. The truth is I don't want to be at her place, at her party, with my daughter calling her mum and clinging to her whenever she wants something. The sight drives me crazy and having to put up with it is slowly murdering my feelings. I guess I'm going numb now. The first time I heard it, I cried alone in the bathroom despite Sara warning me about it before. When Sara told me she's moving out with Stacy, I realized the mistake I'd made.
I'd go back to that time I found out. I'd take my words back. I wouldn't lay a hand on her. I'd stay with her and keep our baby. I'd pretend like nothing had happened because, in all honesty, nothing has changed. I still love her. I still want to be with her. I'd still fuck her if I got the chance. I'd still be in a house together to raise our baby. It's just too late now. Sally knows who her mother is. Sally knows who her aunt is. Sally can walk and say a few very mispronounced words. Sara has a new life and I'm still getting fucked in the ass by a man I truly despise being around.
I drive back home, take a quick shower, call Stacy to make sure everything is going according to plan, then head to Emy's place. I go in unannounced since I have the spare key with me. I find Emy on the couch, holding both of her daughter's hands to help her stand up. Pearl is wearing fluffy pink overalls. She turns around at the sound of the door quickly. Her face cheers up. Her smile grows wider and her eyes squint behind the big glasses. She squeals, letting go of Emy's hand to clap, but immediately falls on her butt and both of us laugh.
"Oops," Emy says, picking her up again. "You fell?" Pearl is about to cry but Emy's trying to distract her with some laughter. "My little teddy bear."
I sit next to my best friend and reach for her baby. "Don't pressure her," I whisper. I take a hold of Pearl and she stares at me with wide eyes. "She'll walk when she's ready."
"But Sally started walking when she was eleven months old," Emy says.
"Sally was in a hurry." I laugh. Pearl pushes her head in my upper chest to hug me. "Aww. You're adorable." I kiss her head, glad she loves me. She's finally used to me.
"No, Sally's normal," Emy whispers. "She can say a few words and walk. Pearl doesn't even say mum and she's a year old."
"Em, Pearl is very normal. She's just shy. She's a normal baby. I was actually like Pearl if you ask my mum. She said I walked when I was a year and three months old. I said my first word, which was shit, when I was a year and five months."
Emy huffs, clearly not satisfied with my proof.
"Sally's a trouble-maker. Somehow she's just like Sara." Then I hear a chuckle. "Sara started walking early and talking early, too." I shrug. "She's like her aunt more than her mum, I guess."
"Happy mother's day," Emy says cutely. She closes the distance between us and gives me a kiss on the cheek. "Don't think I forgot."
"How would you forget when Ms. Reader is throwing a party for you and Sara?" I roll my eyes and she laughs. "I don't see what the point of it is."
"It's sweet of her," Emy says before standing up. "I'll be right back."
Emy comes back after a few seconds with a small gift box in her hand. She hands it to me then sits on one leg while she dangles the other, waiting eagerly for my reaction.
"What's that?" I ask stupidly.
"A small gift for mother's day."
"You really didn't have to because I'm technically not a mum."
"You are." She shrugs. "You're more of a mum to Pearl than Amber is, anyway." She sighs.
"Thank you." I inspect the box, wondering what's inside. "Can I open it?"
"Yup." She helps me by taking Pearl away from me. Pearl begins to whine. "It's time for your food anyway, silly." She stands up to put her in her chair so she can bring her food. The kitchen is connected to the living room, so we can see each other when I open the gift.
I see three things inside: a gift card for one of the most expensive chocolate restaurants in town (she has probably heard me rambling about it to my coworkers and how much I love to go there and enjoy their new chocolate recipes), a browsed picture of me, Cyndi, Sally, and Pearl (Sally's squeezing my bent ear in the picture while Pearl is staring at Cyndi with fascination, and I'm sitting there trying not to scream with the two babies and cat all sitting on my lap), and the third item is a collection of weird and funny socks that Emy and I have lately seen online and joked about ordering matching ones and wearing them in public. Emy laughs when she sees my reaction.
"I got a set for me, too." She wiggles her brows, walking back to where her daughter is so she can start feeding her."
"That's too much, Em," I whisper. "The chocolate gift card is too much. Why would you…"
"Shut up," she says, laughing. "You're gonna take me with you anyway, so you won't spend it alone." She winks and I walk up to her to give her a huge, suffocating hug and a kiss on her lips. She giggles, pushing me away. "Not in front of Pearl," she whispers. "She'll start realizing it and might think we're…"
"Oh, okay."
The relationship between Emy and me is purely sexual. I have no feelings for her and as far as I am concerned she has no feelings for me. Or at least not strong ones, anyway. She hasn't asked for a relationship and when I asked her if she imagined something like that happening, she said she didn't because it would look weird, awkward, and might cause problems. I agreed with her. I still agree.
I drive back home with Emy and her baby with me. I prepare the snacks while Emy dusts off the furniture. Living in a huge house alone can be demanding. I never have time to clean and tidy it. I spend my mornings at work and my evenings getting drunk or getting laid. The only time the place is sufficiently cleaned is when Emy's over during the weekend and I'm forced to clean it with her help. Sara doesn't step inside often; otherwise she would have been too repulsed to ever come back. She usually drops Sally off if she needs me to babysit her then runs her errands or does whatever she does. If we have to meet to discuss something urgent regarding our daughter, we do it in a coffee shop or a restaurant. I think she knows we're both too weak to be left alone at this point. Or maybe she can see I'm weak and she's over me and doesn't want anything to have to do with the old days. It's hard to understand what Sara thinks. It's always been hard and now it's harder.
Stacy comes in after. She helps around with the food. I take a look at the cake she ordered, knowing Sara won't like it because it's not a chocolate cake. Good thing I thought ahead and brought a chocolate cake.
"Oh, but Sara likes vanilla," she says with a stunned face.
"Since when?" Emy asks with a smirk only I can see from the periphery.
"Since ever?" Stacy looks at me with questioning eyes. "I mean we always have vanilla with fruits at home." Home. How funny. She thinks her place is home for Sara.
"Well, that's new." Emy prepares the plates and glasses. "She has always hated vanilla."
"I guess people change," I mumble sarcastically.
The plan is that Sara thinks she's dropping Sally off so I can babysit her. She thinks she and Stacy are going out on a date. Stacy told her she had to leave work earlier to go to her dentist and she should meet her at their place. But Sara won't do that because once she's here, we'll surprise her.
I got her the coffee machine she has always lusted over. I wrote her a card I'll give to her privately. Stacy got her diamond earrings. Seeing that made Emy and I stand in utter silence and surprise. Holy cow, this bitch is actually rich. Emy feels stupid because her gift is simple; a mug set that has funny mum quotes on each mug. I think Sara will love this the most.
Stacy got Emy flowers and some books both of them have talked about before. She apologizes for her inconvenient gift as she hands it to my best friend, claiming that she doesn't know her much to get something better. Awkwardly, Emy hugs and thanks her. I stare at the encounter with furrowed brows, knowing Emy will love my gift more.
I got her many things. I got her pajamas as she had wanted, new bras, a rocking chair (which will be shipped this weekend), a new computer for her work use only, and lastly a very sentimental letter expressing my love and appreciation for her. I can't wait for her to find out her gifts. She'll be excited and I'll be happy about it.
"Sara's here in ten minutes," I tell everyone as I get off the phone with my sister. "How is she driving? Did she get a car?"
"No, she's driving mine," Stacy says.
"And you trust her with it?" both, Emy and I, say.
"Umm…" She chuckles nervously. "I mean…she told me she can drive."
"Oh, wow." Emy shakes her head. "You mean she fooled you."
"She has a license," Stacy says nervously.
"I still don't get how she got her license, but the only few times she drove I was with her in the front seat and she almost killed everyone on the sidewalk."
I frighten the stupidly tall woman, making her eyes go wide. It's amusing. "Sally's asthma was terrible this morning, that's why I offered she takes the car. I didn't want her to wait for a cab or walk."
I'm suddenly alerted, and the smile that was on my face is now gone. "Really? Is she okay?"
"Yeah, she's better now. But…you know, Sara worries." Of course she does, idiot. She's her mum.
"Umm, Tegan, is it rude I haven't invited Amber?" Stacy whispers as she stares at my best friend playing with her baby far in the corner of the living room.
"No?" I say with a chuckle. "You don't know her and she doesn't know you." I roll my eyes. "You barely know Emy anyway."
"Oh…I mean, I do. We talked before…" I leave her before she finishes what she's saying.
As soon as I watch Sara struggling to park the car from the window, I tell everyone to prepare themselves. Sara walks up to the front door. She knocks and I head there to answer. I open the door with a smirk on my face. She's carrying Sally (whose face full of tears) in one arm and her phone, wallet, and Sally's bag in the other.
"So look, her asthma has been acting up all night and I need…." I back up to let her come inside. She blinks once she sees the mother's day decoration. In that instant, both women jump up from behind the couches, yelling surprise. I smile because it's cheesy. Sara's stunned, staring in fear and surprise.
Pearl starts crying first and Sally follows because attention should be equally given to both babies. I pick up Sally, hushing her with laughter while Sara covers her mouth and tears start streaming down her face. Her girlfriend walks up to her to kiss her.
"Happy mother's day," Stacy says. I turn around so I won't see the exchange. No matter how many times I see it, it will always sting more than the time before. I kiss Sally's head, calming her down. "You're the best mother ever," Stacy says. I turn around to watch them, but I meet Sara's eyes smiling faintly at me. I smile back and nod, standing next to Emy, whose worried eyes might expose our secret. I wink at her, just to let her know I'm fine. At the end of the day, it's still my fault and I have to live with that.
"Thank you," Sara whispers, finding it hard to show her girlfriend affection in front of me. "I'm speechless."
"Thank Tegan, too." Stacy looks at me with a smile, which honestly astonishes me. "She prepared everything. She offered to do it here."
Sara looks at me but doesn't thank me. Her eyes do, though. I know they do.
"It's been a hard year for you, Sara. Maybe the hardest," I say. "Since March last year till May this year, you haven't stopped working to provide the best life for your daughter despite everyone's thoughts and ideas of you. I know we haven't trusted you, I know people doubted you, I know people didn't give you a break, I know everyone around you gave you a hard time, and I'm one of them, I know life has been kicking you none stop for years, but you turned the tables and proved everyone wrong. You really got what you wanted. You truly did your best without anyone's help but your own." I haven't noticed we're both crying, but we are. It's cheesy and silly but we are. "I'm…I'm proud of you."
I broke her, and she's back on her feet again. I broke her and she stood up like there's nothing wrong. I made her feel worthless and she proved to herself she's worthy. I lost her and she did not hurt me. She's always been better than me. In everything.
We give Sara and Emy their presents. Sara apologizes that she hasn't gotten Emy anything. Emy tells her to shut up and gives her a hug. "Your friendship is enough for me," she whispers, kissing her cheek.
I take a look at Stacy, who is too busy with Sally to notice the exchange. It can't be she's not jealous. I'm jealous. She should be, too. We all know Emy will never stop loving Sara. Sally's distracting her, though. She's whining about something, pulling the leg of her pants down with cries.
"What does she want?" I ask. Sara turns around to take a look at her daughter. She picks her up and puts her on her lap.
"What do you want, baby?" Sally kicks and screams, pointing straight ahead. "Just tell me."
"She thinks it's a birthday," Stacy says. "And she wants cake."
"Oh," I say. "There's cake."
"My God." Sara sighs. "How did she even connect it to a birthday?"
"Pearl's birthday was a week ago, Sara," Emy says. "She had cake. Her birthday was two months ago, too. There was also cake."
"And that birthday at daycare, too," Stacy adds. "She just wants cake now."
"Guess she saw all the presents and thought it's a birthday," Emy says, chuckling. "I might as well bring the cakes. Stacy, give me a hand, please?"
They both go to the kitchen, leaving me alone with Sara, two babies, and a meowing cat in a spacious room.
"Thank you," Sara whispers with a kind smile. "For everything."
I can only nod before the two women come back with two cakes in their hands. They put the cakes down and prepare the drinks. Emy hands her daughter milk and puts her on the floor. Sally's waiting for her slice to be handed to Sara so she can be fed. Sara's holding her before she could jump on the cake like she did on her birthday. We wanted to take a picture of her with the cake, but she buried her entire face in the thing before we could count to three. Sally loves food too much and it's very adorable to watch.
Sara gets a slice from Stacy's cake and I take one from mine. She begins feeding her daughter while she stands up watching everyone with a hand over her ear. She turns around and watches me then squeals loudly, making me jump. She runs up to me and opens her mouth. I put a piece of cake in her mouth and she giggles, chewing gladly.
"No, Sally," Sara says. "You have your slice right here." She huffs.
"It's fine, Sara, there's a lot of cake," I say. Sara should remember I'd give Sally the world if she asked. Sara should remember that Sally's actually my daughter and even if the world forgot or never knew about it, I still have the heart of a mother and I still stay awake at night thinking about my own daughter and her future.
"I know, Tee," she says calmly. I haven't been called Tee since ever. The word makes me stare and makes her blush, makes Emy raise her brows and makes Stacy watch intently. "I just don't want her to eat too much sugar." Sally runs back to Sara, demanding a bite from her cake. "See?" I nod, understanding Sara's concern. Yes, Sally is a bit chubby and Sara is worried she might be overweight. She asked the doctor about it and how to limit her appetite. The doctor suggested a routine and occupation of time. However, Sally's just a baby and no matter how much her time is occupied, she'd still get hungry and want food.
She spends the next few minutes going back and forth eating from my cake and from Sara's until she's too full and exhausted. She sits next to Pearl and talks some nonsense to her. Pearl answers with more nonsense and they both giggle. Sometimes I wonder if they understand each other or pretend to. Do babies have a language? I read that cats have. Babies must do, too.
Everyone gets a drink except Emy, who still breastfeeds. I try not to drink too much so I can talk to her after Sara and her girlfriend are gone. Stacy doesn't drink much, too. She has to drive. Sara drinks more than everyone else even though I think she shouldn't since there's Sally around and she might need something.
I leave to the bathroom at one point and when I get out, I find Sara waiting for me outside.
"I want to talk to you," she whispers. I nod, walking to my bedroom. She follows slowly and silently.
"Yes, Sara." I'm not a big fan of us being alone with the two women downstairs. But the idea itself makes me feel excited. I'm conflicted with the contradiction of my feelings.
"Happy mother's day," she whispers again, but this time with a tight hug. "I haven't forgotten." She pulls away with a sad smile on her features. "I was going to give you a mother's day gift and a note but you surprised me."
"It's Stacy's idea," I admit.
"It's yours, too," she says, still smiling. Technically it's hers. I just helped. I nod anyway.
Sara takes a small box out of the pocket of her blazer. She clears her throat and hands it to me. It looks like there's some jewelry in there, which is strange because we never gift each other jewelry except those times she bought me the jewels for my nipples piercing, and I'm too smart to know that it's no way something like that.
"Open it," she says nervously.
I do. I find a necklace. It's silver. It's not long and the pendant is just a round silver ball.
"Open it," she says, again. I squint. "Open the ball. It opens."
I do as she says.
I read the information engraved inside: Sally's birth date, time, and place. My name is there with Sara's. She nods towards me. Her smile is weak and scared.
"I know you might not like it, but that's the truth and it has to stay with you," she says. "You're a mother every day even if nobody knows it." I have resisted not crying for so long today, but at this second I can't. She knows how to make me cry. She knows how to bring me back to life. "Don't cry, honey," she whispers softly. "She's always going to be yours, too." I nod, trying my best to stop my tears. "I know it hurts." But it was my choice.
She doesn't continue, though. She gives me another hug and I long for her sweet kiss, but I don't get it. She has moved on from my abuse. She has moved on from me. She doesn't love me anymore.
Emy is left for me to vent to at the end of the day. Her calm posture is fixed beside me on my own bed. I watch her as she breastfeeds her daughter and talks to her while she listens to me.
"Am I stupid for crying?" I ask. "I didn't want to cry, I just did."
She chuckles, shaking her head. "You're not." She puts a hand over her daughter's head, stroking the soft hair. "You're a human being," she continues. "Plus, her words would make anyone cry."
"You would have cried?" I ask.
"I cry about everything." She laughs. "Of course I would have." She sighs. "Letting out emotions is actually healthy. It shows you're healthy, Tegan."
"I'm glad about it." Just wish I'd been healthy when I heard the truth. I wouldn't have hit her or kicked her or said those mean words to her. "I wish I can go back in time and fix everything."
"No, you don't," she says, looking at me. "Trust me, it would have been the same." She shrugs. "I believe in such things; everything leads to the same result or consequence because that's the way it's meant to be."
"Wait, I thought you're an atheist?" I ask
She giggles, pushing her sleeping daughter off her chest then covering it with her robe. "What does that have to do with it?"
"I don't know. That's what my grandma believed. She said God always chooses the best even if it seems bad. It will show at the end." She nods, still smiling.
"Well, she believes in God, I believe in the power of the universe."
Aren't they the same?
I don't ask more. She leaves me to put her daughter to sleep in Sally's old bedroom. I dim the lights and wait for her. We both know why she's here tonight. It doesn't need discussion. When I sleep over or she sleeps over, it means one of us wants to have sex. Sometimes the other cannot have it but can provide it, so we settle for that, too.
When she comes back, she gives me the signal; her sweet smile. Untying her robe, she climbs up the mattress and comes up to me on her knees. I smile back, sitting up to take off my clothes. Once her robe is undone, there's nothing left to uncover. I pull down my pants and underwear right after my t-shirt.
"What do you want?" she asks gently with a hand on my arm.
I think for a moment. I'm still a bit sore from the type of sex I've had today, but my vagina has nothing to do with it. However, I don't feel like rough sex. "I want you to go down on me," I tell her. She nods.
She kisses me before anything and everything. Her hand moves around to feel my skin. She sucks my tongue and I let my moans escape, confident that her daughter can never hear without her hearing aids. She touches my breasts and squeezes while licking my neck. Her fingers fidget with my nipples lightly. Her touch is different from Ted's. He has the masculine touch, the prying one. He's almost like an animal. Whenever I'm in his arms, I feel like he's so scared I'll escape so he gropes, pinches, bites, and scratches. While with Emy, I feel calm and relaxed. I enjoy both types, but with Emy I feel safe. Her hands have a soothing effect. She's the closest to what Sara's touch feels like. Not even the girls I sleep with on regular basis have her touch. I suppose that's why it feels emotional. Emy does everything with extra care and love. I guess that's why it was very hard to get her out of our bed years ago, and it's very hard to say no to her when it comes to sex. I just love the way she feels and I love the way she makes me feel. I guess, somehow, I do love Emy. I'm not sure what type of love it is, but I love her and she knows it. I know she loves me, too. We both love Sara, and Sara loves us both. It's always been this way. But Sara and I share a different type of love from that we share with Emy. Our love is immeasurable and cannot be expressed with words.
When her hot breath hits my cunt, I relax and sit back. She looks up at me with a teasing smile. "I'll never get over this." She plays with the jewel in my clit. I shudder at the sensation. She kisses my clit. I shudder again, this time with a soft moan. Her tongue starts lapping and kissing. She rotates it around my clit, playing with the piercing first, then she moves it down to take my labia between her lips and starts sucking.
"Fuck," I exhale. While she sucks, she pokes her tongue inside my hole and drinks my wetness. Then her tongue moves in hasty rotations around my opening while her nose lies against my pierced clit. I begin to move my hips around her head while she takes both thighs and holds them close to her. "Emy," I say loudly as the pace quickens.
Next thing I know she's taking my entire pussy in her mouth as if she's making out with it. She sucks and kisses then licks and goes back to do the same routine until I feel the buildup. Her focus next is centered on my clit; by moving the piercing side to side, my clit is being stimulated. I feel a finger against my opening, tickling the wet hole. I try to suck it inside and she feels my attempts so she pushes it in and tucks it in there while I cum.
She takes a moment cleaning my juices before I feel her lips on mine and my juices in my tongue. "You had sex today?" she asks me like she always does.
"Yes," I tell the truth. She nods and I'm never sure if she's hurt about it or not. "Anal sex," I say.
"Oh."
Silence.
"Does it bother you?" I ask.
"It worries me," she says. "I get worried. You have too much sex."
"Not really." I sit up, yawning. "I really don't. I'm single. I need it."
"I don't provide enough?" she asks.
"You do." I kiss her forehead. "But I'm a very sexual being and sex makes me forget and relaxes me."
"Aren't you scared of STDs?" she asks with a sigh.
"I only sleep with a few people I know, Emy. I don't just fuck whores. Even when I pick up random girls, I make sure I'm protected." She nods. "Your turn."
I lean in to kiss her, but before I do, she says, "I haven't had anal since ever, Tegan," she says.
No, please, no. Not now.
"You want anal?" She laughs, shaking her head. "Oh…"
"No, I was just saying. The last time was with you because, you know, Amber is coy." She rolls her eyes.
"Well, it's not for everyone." I wonder if Sara and Stacy have anal. I'm about 99% sure they don't, but what if?
"I know." Even if they do, what would it change? "I want you to go down on me first, but before I cum, I want you to fuck me with a dildo." She giggles once I raise my brows. "With a strap-on."
"Very specific, Emy." I get up, laughing. "Love a slut who knows what she wants."
"Shut up," she says.
I walk up to the closet, where the box of toys is stored. Sara has left it here when she moved in with Stacy. Of course she's not going to take it with her. I made use of it. I cleaned all the toys again and used some on me and Emy already.
"Which one?" I ask.
"The yellow one," she says quickly. I was afraid she's going to say this one. I'm always afraid of her choosing this one. Not because it's large, but because that's Sara's and we both know it's Sara's favorite. I guess I know why she likes to choose it.
Is it wrong if we're using her toys? Is it disgusting Emy doesn't mind using what had been in Sara's cunt? Is it wrong that we don't care? I don't know anymore.
I like to play with Emy's tits, but she doesn't let me most of the time. I know it hurts and she's tender, but she hates it because sometimes the milk makes a mess. Her nipples are large and enticing. I wish I can suck them and pull them, but I'm not allowed. I enjoy kissing her red skin and licking every part of her body I can put my mouth on. Sucking her cunt is fun for me because her reaction makes me feel pride.
I lick her clit till she tells me to start fucking her. I change my position from lying between her legs to lying on top of her. I make out with her while I thrust in. She moans and writhes until I'm fully inside with her legs wrapped around me. I stay there for awhile, just enjoying the pressure on my clit and the way she kisses me.
"Can I?" I ask and she nods quickly.
I pull out slowly until the tip is at her opening, and then I go in slowly too, feeling her walls as they envelop the length. Sometimes I wish I can actually feel it, sometimes I wonder what Ted feels. Sometimes I understand why men like it when I take a look at her labia spread around the length and her clit situated in the middle, expectant and excited. I pull out halfway again and with a quicker push I thrust in. I hear a guttural sound and watch her eyes close and her smile stretch. I hear the soft 'yes' that reassures me. Again, out and in, out then in, until the pace is quickened and the thrusts are hard and fast. She takes deep breaths while I wheeze through troubled lungs. I wonder if Sara's fucking Stacy like this right now. I wonder if Stacy has eaten Sara's pussy tonight. The thoughts make me angry and therefore the thrusts are harder.
"Tegan," she screams with a laugh while I watch her breasts dance as her body moves. Her nipples are pointed upward, dark and hard. I put my tongue on one and give it a quick lick which makes her squeal. I do the same to the other then go back to her lips to kiss her. "Play with my clit," she says while kissing me.
"How is your cunt this tight?" I ask in her ear, kissing the soft flesh and licking the skin behind it. "It feels so good." I rub her clit quickly, feeling mine thumping with each thrust. "Do you want a finger up your asshole?" I ask and she gasps. "Huh, babe?"
"Yes," she says loudly. "Yes." She's happy about it. I gather some of her juices and reach there. The opening is tight and small. I don't wanna hurt her so I just tickle the opening instead. It drives her crazy and within moments she's having an orgasm.
I stay there for a few moments, enjoying the feeling against my clit and the ecstasy she's in. When I pull out, I take advantage of my arousal, removing the phallus and the harness then inserting the dildo inside my cunt quickly, making my friend gasp. I thrust it in as quickly as I can while I play with my clit until I cum again. It takes me about two minutes. I collapse next to her, knowing I'll have to go wash up and pee soon.
"How did you put the dildo in your pussy after it was in mine?" she asks with loud laughter. "You're crazy."
"I'm pretty sure there's nothing wrong with your cunt, Em," I say, laughing along. "Otherwise I would've been fucked a long time ago."
She sighs contentedly. "That was awesome."
My sleep is interrupted by Emy's daughter crying. I can hear her through the baby monitor but Emy can't. I wake up and head to the bedroom to pick her up. I change her diaper and prepare her bottle for her. Cyndi's awake and is watching the start of the morning through the window. I sit down on the couch and switch on the television.
I hold Pearl in my arms and put her hearing aids for her then her glasses. She looks up at me and smiles, sitting up slowly, searching for her food. I give her the bottle and she holds it while she sits on my lap and rests her head against my chest. Cyndi comes up to us and sits next to me. One hand stroking Pearl's hair and the other patting the cat, I occupy myself with some reruns of an 80s sitcom until the baby in my arms falls asleep.
After awhile, Emy walks down the stairs with a yawn. "Morning," she says, reaching for her glasses on the coffee table. "When did she wake up?"
"About an hour ago." I smile, looking down at the sleeping baby. "She needed changing and was hungry."
"Gosh, I'm sorry. I was exhausted." I laugh loudly, forgetting the baby can hear right now. "Shhh," she says with little laughter. "What's so funny?" I try to take her hearing aids off but Emy stops me. "No, keep them. She shouldn't sleep much anyway. She'll give them a hard time at daycare during nap time."
"I laughed because…" I chuckle. "Never mind. It isn't funny anymore."
"Tegan," she whines, sitting next to me. "Say it."
"I just…I don't know, I remembered the sex." I laugh again.
"You're so immature." She pinches my arm playfully, making me squeal, which wakes up the baby.
Pearl looks around and finds her mother there. She moves quickly to reach for her so Emy catches her immediately. "Hey there, my love." Her mother kisses her forehead. "Good morning." Pearl pushes her head in her mother's chest, making both of us laugh. "Still sleepy?"
"Imma make some coffee. Feed her so you can have some." Emy nods before I walk to the kitchen to prepare the breakfast for us.
I drop Pearl at daycare, Emy at her job, and then I go to work. Since I finally proved my father wrong and showed him I can do this job without any trouble, he gave me more responsibilities, but I'm still not the boss. I am in charge of mostly everything, as long as she agrees on it and is discussed well with her. The good thing is that she trusts me and I trust her. She's a good person and is capable to take care of this branch. Sometimes I wish I'm in her place because it reminds me of my past glory and how powerful I was around my employees, other times I'm thankful because I don't want that type of weight on my shoulder right now. I'm learning a lot. This branch is huge and the issues we had in NYC are doubled in here.
I do the same work I do every day. I move from one meeting to the other. I contact my father. I work on some auditing files, and then I sit with my boss to discuss a few upcoming projects. Before the day is over, I call Sara and make sure everything is good at her end. I call Emy, too. After work I go to Ted's to have sex then I go home and that's pretty much my routine for the following week.
I meet up with Emy a couple more times during the week. I babysit Sally on Friday because Sara has "something" she needs to do. I sleep with a girl I meet at the bar on Saturday. On Sunday, I have lunch with Sara as we do every weekend. I wait for her at the diner we usually meet at and she follows me there.
We order our food and chat about our daughter and our secrets.
"She's moving a lot lately," I tell Sara. "I babyproofed the house because I can't catch her when she runs." I take a sip of my soda.
"I know." Sara sighs. "I received two complaints already."
"From who?"
"The daycare." Sara rubs her temple. "She doesn't only move, but she requires attention by…" Sara bites her lower lip.
"By?" I motion for her to continue with the food in my mouth.
"She pinches and bites the children."
I chew slowly, digesting the information. She sighs, shaking her head. "Sara, you already got her tested and there's nothing wrong with her. She's just hyperactive."
"Why does she want attention all the time?"
I shrug, looking down at my half-eaten sandwich.
"Is it because she doesn't have a father?"
"I don't think so." I swallow the food and continue, "She met Jeremy, who's technically her father, and she was not very interested."
"It's because she sees men now. She's not weirded out by them, but what if?"
"I really think it's just who she is. She likes people looking at her and saying how cute she is." I chuckle.
"You mean she's spoiled." I laugh a bit. "Tegan, she's not."
"She kinda is," I whisper.
"Well, she deserves to be spoiled, okay?" I don't know why she got so angry. It's the truth. The baby is spoiled. "And you know what? She's not. If I spoil her, I'll let her eat whatever her eyes fall on. Let's admit, she's not the fittest baby ever. She's fat as fuck and kids are gonna be mean to her if she's gonna stay like that."
"Hey, chill," I raise my voice a bit, making her stare at me with her two poignant hazel eyes. "I didn't say you're the one spoiling her. Everyone is. Her grandparents, us…everyone, Sara. I get why she is spoiled but maybe she should learn that…you know, she's not the center of attention all the time."
Sara rolls her eyes.
"And she's not fat. Don't call her that, okay?" She raises one eyebrow at my loud tone. "She's not fat. She's a chubby baby. She has some cheeks you can pinch and a little tummy. It's cute, she's just a baby." Sara chuckles. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing," she whispers, sipping her Coke.
"Sara?" I insist. "Why is it funny?"
"Nothing, Tegan." She smiles. This yellow evil smile. "It's totally nothing."
"Seriously."
"Can you let it go?" Is it the fat comment? Is it because I have called Sara fat before? Is it because I raised my voice? Is it because I acted like her real mother, which I am?
"Whatever."
On Monday, I have another boring work day. Ted calls to invite me over.
"Okay, but…" I hesitate.
"Yeah?"
"I might get my period today," I tell him. I don't like having sex knowing I'm going to menstruate, especially not with someone I'm not very comfortable with.
"It's fine. If you don't get it, come over. If you do, let me know."
I end up having sex with him and not getting my period.
On Tuesday, I have sex with Emy and I still don't get a period.
On Wednesday, I stay home and do nothing. I end up not getting my period again.
That's when I begin to worry. I also can't tell anyone why I'm worried. The possibility plays inside my mind even though it can't happen because I've been protected each time I've had sex with Jeremy. I also make sure not to have sex with him when I'm ovulating or close to ovulation.
Thursday morning, I make a mental note to get a pregnancy test on my way back home if I don't get my period during the day. Work flows easily and smoothly until I get a call from Sara in the afternoon.
"Can you pick up Sally from daycare and keep her with you for the day, please?" she says in a hurry. Before I answer, she continues, "Stacy's in the ER."
"Oh…okay." I think for a second. There's only silence. "Why?"
"Huh?"
"Why is she in the ER?"
"I don't know," Sara says, clearly upset. I don't like that she's worried and upset. "She fainted at school. We got her water and made her rest. After an hour she started puking and crying, saying her stomach hurt. I took a leave and took her to the hospital. She's being tested." Sara pauses while I hum. "I can't pick up Sally. We might be…"
"It's fine. I'll pick her up," I interrupt. I'll have to take a leave. Worst fucking timing ever. "Don't worry about it."
"Thank you," she says. "If you need anything…."
"I'll call you…I know." Sara should remember I'm her mother, too. She should understand that I won't need help with Sally. She should realize that Sally is my first priority and will always be no matter what happens.
I get two pregnancy tests first and then I drive to pick up Sally. Sara has already informed them that "Sally's aunt" will pick her up so I don't get in trouble. I show my ID and they nod and hand her to me.
"Mama?" Sally looks for her mother, but can't find her. I pick her up and hold her little small bag. "Mama," she screams.
"I'm here today, Snowball. Mama has work." I kiss her forehead and take her to the car. I put her in the backseat, where Pearl's car seat is, and dial up Sara immediately.
"Yeah," Sara says, out of breath. "You picked her up? Is she okay?"
"Mama," Sally squeals, clapping. She reaches for the phone to take it from me.
I laugh a little. "I did. Just tell her to be a good girl and not touch anything she's not supposed to like she did last time." Sally's trying to reach for the phone, already whiny and active.
I put the phone close to her ear but she takes it from me, starting to ramble some nonsense with a few 'mama' here and there and some giggles.
"Yeah, Sally?" Sara is on speaker anyway. "Honey, you'll be with Auntie Tee today, okay?" Sally says something that sounds like an okay, but it's really just nonsense. "I want you to be a good girl. Don't touch anything. Don't give her a hard time, please." Sally giggles. I don't know what's so funny. "I'll see you tonight, okay?" Sally giggles again and Sara sighs. "I love you," Sara says.
"Ay Vuvoo," Sally repeats in her own pronunciation.
"Say bye," Sara says.
"Bye…bye…bye," Sally repeats many times until I take the phone from her and talk to Sara privately as I get in the car to start driving.
"Is everything okay?" I ask. "With…Stacy?"
"They say it's some sort of a stomach virus," Sara answers. "I don't want Sally to be near her. She hasn't taken all her vaccines yet."
"Oh, that's not a good idea. She should sleep over with me." Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
"Yeah, I think so. You have some of her things but I'll bring other things at night, too. We're still in the hospital. They're worried she has what her mum had."
"Oh…" That's not good. "I hope…she…umm…"
"It's fine, Tegan. You don't have to pretend." Sara chuckles. "Just take care of the baby."
"Of course," I say, taking a deep breath and one last look at Sally through the mirror before I start the engine.
The first thing I do is tell Emy everything that has happened today. She tells me to call her if I need any help. I don't know why they think I can't take care of Sally alone. I babysit her almost every day. I know I've had a few unfortunate incidents with her since she started walking, but they weren't my fault. I can't keep on chasing her wherever she runs.
She fell off the stairs while I wasn't watching one time. I installed some ugly doors to ban her from going down the stairs if we're on the second floor. Sara told me to lock the door of the room she and I are in because she learned how to push something and get up on it in order to open the door. I also removed all the vases and anything breakable after she angrily threw my glass against the wall and laughed for hours at the breaking sound. My glass had red wine and I had to clean the mess for two hours. The red stain is still visible if you look at it closely.
I put Sally on her chair and prepare food for her. I give her chocolate milk in a sippy cup first (since she still hates normal formula milk and spits it out), but she finishes it immediately while I'm preparing a snack and demands another.
"Wow," I mumble. "You really don't take a break, do you?" I ask, handing her a bowl of chopped fruits she can use her hands to eat. Instead she pushes her entire face in the yellow bowl. "Why, Sally?" She looks up at me, chewing. "Why are you such a cave person?"
I prepare the veggies for her and drink more coffee to get me to pee so I can take the test. Once her food is ready, I pull the chair to the living room and switch on the television so she can watch some cartoons while I feed her. I play with her and talk to her while I feed her. I love doing that. When I change her diaper, or Pearl's diaper, or when I feed them, I take the time to tickle them or play with them. They have the cutest little feet and hands. They like it, too. I hear giggles and squeals from them. Sara's lucky she gets to do this with Sally every day. It's a nice feeling. It's not lonely. When I'm with my baby, I don't think of sex or drinking or fulfilling my time with whatever it is.
After her food, I put her down on the floor in the living room and give her some toys to play with. I leave the TV on but lower the volume so I can walk to the kitchen and clean the mess. She follows me after two minutes and starts to run around wherever I go. She holds my legs while I wash the dishes, which lets me know she wants to be picked up. I don't do it, though. This kind of behavior is wrong.
"I'm not gonna pick you up," I say. "Mummy has to…" I pause, realizing I've said the wrong words. "I have to wash the dishes." I giggle, looking at her staring blankly at me. "You like holding onto me?" She puts her head next to my leg as if I'm gonna run away or something. "Sally," I say just to make her look up at me. She does so immediately. "I love you," I say so I can hear it from her.
"Ay Vuvoo," she says, lifting her hands up. I sigh because I can't resist not picking her up. I finish washing the last dish and pick her up. I take her back to the living room and put her on my lap. I reach for the sippy cup on the coffee table to give her some water. We both stare at Cyndi playing around with one of Sally's toys.
"Wanna go play with her?" I say. She pushes herself down and I let her go. I watch her as she sits on the floor to play with the cat. She lifts up a toy towards me, so I go where she is and sit down next to her. We play together a little bit until I feel the urge to pee. I pick her up and we go upstairs with the cat following.
"Okay, Sally, so I have to do this and…" I usually take her with me to the bathroom when I have to pee. Sara told me that she doesn't face this issue because usually she stays with Stacy if Stacy's around and if she's not, she waits till she's in her crib or is asleep. Emy does face this issue. She has to get her daughter inside the bathroom whenever she's there.
I lock the door of the bathroom and get Sally inside. She walks around with a toy in her hand. I pull my pants and underwear down and sit on the toilet. I reach for the first box and tear it open. Can't believe I'm doing this again. Sally's staring at me and that's the last thing I want her to do right now. I want something to distract her, but this device in my hand is doing the work.
I pee in the small cup that comes with the test and put it on the floor next to me. Sally walks up to it but I push her off. "No, honey. Go there." She looks up at me with a blank face. This is hard with her in here. "Baby, go stand right there. Right next to the door. Go." She doesn't do that but doesn't move, too. She's too close to me and I feel uncomfortable peeing again for the second test. She's trying to look down the toilet where my hand is and if Sara knows about this, she will kill me. Thank God Sally can't speak yet and doesn't understand. Sara really doesn't have to know about this.
She reaches for the toilet paper and hands it to me, which makes me burst in laughter. It seems that she has watched me enough to know this part well.
"Thank you," I say. She stands back and waits for me to wipe and get up. I put the two cups over the sink and put the tests in there. "It's time to know if you'll get a sister or a brother, Sally." How funny that would be! Part of me isn't even angry about it. I'm not even upset and it actually worries me.
I wash my hand and take Sally out to her room. Sara and I agreed most of her things will still be there in case of a sleepover or for the time I babysit. I always have diapers and food for her. I always have extra clothes as well. It benefited me with Pearl, too. Pearl, though, is a lot smaller than Sally and way thinner.
I change Sally's diaper and play with her a little bit, then I pick her up and walk back to the bathroom.
"Are you ready?" I ask, taking a deep breath. She rambles some incomprehensible shit.
I take a look at the first test.
Negative.
I take a look at the second.
Same result.
I sigh in disappointment.
"Guess not," I whisper.
I don't know why this result upsets me. I don't know why I feel like I want to cry right now. Do I actually want a baby? Do I want a baby for me to take care of? How would Ted feel? I can lie and tell everyone it's IVF but Ted would go fucking crazy. Maybe he's not the best option to have a baby with. Maybe I can tell Jeremy again. I don't know what I want right now.
I guess what I truly want is to have my family back. I want my daughter and my lover with me. I want this nightmare to end, but unfortunately this nightmare is just real life.
I take Sally and Cyndi to my bedroom and I stay there for awhile. I lie down on the bed and take pictures of Sally running around so I can post them on social media. She asks to get on the mattress so I comply and get her next to me.
She puts her head on my stomach and hugs me. My tears rush to my eyes immediately, but I also laugh and pick her up to shower her with kisses and love.
I make her sit on my stomach to face me.
"Hi," I say. She reaches her hand for my cheek to pinch it. I laugh. "Hey, don't do that." She does again, both cheeks. "You like my cheeks?" I do the same to her which makes her giggle and jump on my stomach. "Oh, slow down, Snowball." She does the exact opposite, thinking I'm some type of a horse or a game she's riding. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I scream, picking her up to put her on the mattress. I sit up to deal with the pain of her jumping on my lower abdomen. "I think you just destroyed my uterus once again, Sally."
She says a few things and I nod.
I get a video call from Jeremy after some time. He asks to see Sally and chats with her.
"Saw your snaps. So fucking cute," he says.
"Just like her mum," I smirk. "Sally, come here. Come talk to Jeremy."
I put the phone in front of Sally but she takes it from me to scream loud and cheerful nonsense to the man on the other end. Jeremy can't stop laughing. He keeps talking to her even though he understands absolutely nothing from what she has to say.
"This is pure comedy," he says. "How do you deal?"
"You should see her when she's eating. She forgets everything and only focuses on her food." Sally looks up at me when she hears the word, opening her mouth and closing it.
"Foo…," Sally says. "Foo…foo."
"Oh shit, I shouldn't have reminded her."
"Feed her," he says. "Come on, she's hungry. She's full of saliva."
"I just fed her less than two hours ago," I say. She stands up, starting to whine. "Alright, alright. I'll feed you. Wait a bit."
I get off the phone and go downstairs with her to see what I can give her. Later she takes a nap and Sara calls to make sure everything is alright.
"It's very smooth," I say. "But she ate two meals since she got back." Sara sighs. "I couldn't tell her no. She threw a tantrum just because I said the word food."
"Ugh, don't say it in front of her. We have a code for it. Just use any uninteresting word and use it."
"I was talking to Jeremy, how would he know?" And how would I know what fucking code does she and her fucking girlfriend have?
"It's fine. I'll pass by in a couple hours to drop her things."
After Sara, I talk to my parents. I do that almost every day. I tell them about Sally spending the day and night with me. Mum seems a bit hesitant about it, but dad only cares about the work I might miss.
"I'll drop her at daycare in the morning and head to my job."
"And you'll have to pick her up again and leave work like you did today." I roll my eyes. He needs to chill. "And tomorrow you have important meetings."
"I know, dad. I'll take care of it. I'm pretty sure Sara will take her back tomorrow."
Sally wakes up very grumpy from her nap. I try to play some jingles but she keeps on crying. I think she wants and misses Sara. I play with her and give her my phone but she throws it and screeches.
"Whoa, whoa." I take a hold of her but her cries increase. "Honey, what's going on?" I pick her up but she pulls my hair. "Sally," I shout. "Stop doing that!" She moves around so I can let her go and I do. She starts walking around the place crying and whining. I hope Sara shows up quickly.
I call Emy to ask her about this situation but Emy is as confused as I am.
"She probably just misses her mum," Emy says.
"Yeah, I guess."
"Aww, Tee, don't be sad." I'm not sad. I'm just tired. I don't care anymore. "It's who she's used to see all the time, you know."
"I'm not sad, Emy. I'm fucking tired."
"Is it tiring?"
"No, I'm just tired. I should have taken a nap while she was napping." That's not what I mean, but it's easier than explaining what I mean.
"Let Sara put her to sleep when she comes so you don't have to deal with that."
When I get off the phone with Emy, I look for Sally but I don't find her around. I freak out and start searching everywhere.
"Sally?" I call, but no answer. She can't be upstairs because I locked the door that separates the two floors. She has to be around here. I look under the tables and the couches. "Sally?" I run to the kitchen when I hear something falling.
I find Sally looking inside the opened fridge; cucumbers are all over the floor while Sally is holding a bar of cheese in her hand. "Foo," she says quickly. She puts the cheese next to her mouth and sucks on it.
"Oh, God." How did she even open the fridge? "You were hungry all that time?" I walk up to her, careful not to step on any cucumber. I pick her up with the cheese still in her hand. I kiss her forehead. "I'll make you some food, my love." Screw it. If she's hungry, she should eat. Sara and her diet can go to hell. This is cruel. This baby needs nourishment.
When Sara arrives, she finds me feeding Sally while she's sitting on my lap.
"Hi," she says. We both look up and Sally jumps off to run to her mum. I did hear the door open, but didn't want to interrupt Sally's feeding. "Oh, hi, my love." She picks her up and showers her with kisses. "I missed you so much." More kisses. "You're having food?" Sally squeals, saying her mispronounced 'foo' over and over. "Thank you so much," she says, looking at me. "You saved me."
She sits down next to me and puts Sally on her lap to continue feeding her. Cyndi moves from the floor to the couch to sit next to her thighs. I love how this cat still remembers and loves Sara more than she will ever love me.
"You know that you don't need to thank me, right?" I chuckle. I stand up. "Want something to drink?"
"I know, Tee." She smiles sweetly, but at Sally not me. "Yes, please. Coffee."
I prepare her coffee and take it to her. Sally is still finishing her food. "How's Stacy?" I ask as I sit next to her on the couch.
"Not very good." She makes a face as she takes her first sip. I smile to myself remembering the first time I gave her that Irish nut crème and the face she made after the first sip because the drink was hot. "Very terrible stomach virus."
"Is she still at the hospital?"
"No," Sara takes another sip. "At home. She just fell asleep after puking everything."
"Damn." Sara nods. "Sally shouldn't be near her."
"I know." Sara sighs.
"You should be careful, too."
"Yeah, don't worry. I am."
Sara asks me what we did today, so I fill her in on everything. "Umm…look. I had to pee in front of her and she handed me the toilet paper. I know you hate this but I didn't know where to keep her." Sara huffs. "She doesn't see anything. I just quickly lower my pants and underwear and sit on the toilet."
"You can put her in her crib and just get it over with quickly." Sara shrugs, rolling her eyes. "That's what we do." And I haven't even told her I took a pregnancy test in front of her. Ha! Sara would kill me. "The last thing I want is for her to see your clit piercing." She rolls her eyes again, which makes me laugh. "Not funny." She's so pissed about this piercing and both of us know why.
"She's a fifteen-month-old baby who can't recognize or understand shit, Sara. Chill."
She doesn't say much after. We finish talking and Sara shows me Sally's nighttime routine. First of all she changes her diaper and clothes, then she takes her to the bathroom. Thank God I had gotten rid of all the pregnancy tests' evidence before she came. She puts Sally on the counter where the sink is and opens the faucet.
"So this bag has everything she needs." She shows me. "I usually wash her face first." She wets Sally's face, which Sally seems to love. "I use this face wash for babies with sensitive skin." I watch her put some on her hand, then she rubs it on Sally's face. She rinses off her face again. "Now we're gonna brush her teeth."
"You brush her teeth?" I ask.
"Yes, of course I do. You want me to keep her like that when she eats everything she sees during the day?" Sara takes out a very small toothbrush and toothpaste for toddlers. She shows me how delicately she brushes her teeth. "She used to hate it but now she's okay with it." I nod. "Spit, Sally. Spit." I watch Sally do as she asked. "I found a hard time teaching her that, but she got the hang of it eventually."
"Wow! That's a smart baby." Sara washes her mouth for her and asks her to spit again and again until she's clear.
"I moisturize her face, too." She takes out a small moisturizer also for toddlers with sensitive skin. "You know how her skin can get in winter. It's the same as yours." I nod, watching her moisturize then kiss her baby and tickle her. "And we're done. You do the same in the morning when she wakes up."
I follow Sara to Sally's bedroom. She puts her inside her crib and covers her. "Now, I'm going to read a bedtime story for her until she slowly falls asleep." I also nod, watching as Sara takes a story from her bag. "She loves this one very much. It's about some mouse that loses his parents then finds them."
"Does she even understand?"
Sara laughs. "A little bit. She likes that it has a song and I sing the song for her." Sara is such a wonderful mother. She was born to be her mother. She fits this part so well and it makes me thankful because I know I wouldn't have wanted another mother for my baby. Thank God I haven't sent her for adoption. I would have regretted it my whole life. Sara adopting her is like she's still here with me, and technically she is. She just doesn't know who I am to her, and won't ever know I guess.
Sara reads and sings and Sally stares at her with wide loving eyes until they tire and slowly start to close. When she falls asleep, Sara leans in to kiss her. "Keep the lamp on," she whispers.
"I know, yeah."
She leaves the room and I follow her. By the door she says, "She will wake up at about seven to eight. She'll stay in bed until she's fully awake." I nod. That's perfect for me and my timing. I can wake up and drink my coffee in peace. "We have the monitor that has a screen so I stare at her the entire time she's waking up, but you don't."
"I have the one with the sound only."
"Yeah, I know. So I guess you might want to check if you wake up earlier. Just in case." She sighs, walking down the stairs with me following. "And if anything happens, just give me a call."
"Don't worry," I tell her. We're standing by the front door.
"I'm not actually." She smiles. "I'm relieved."
"Relieved?"
"That I can count on you when I need and you don't disappoint me."
Her words stop every thought in my brain and make the heat rise up to my face. Hearing her say this is all I need sometimes. Having her trust is all I aspire to have. "I will never disappoint you, Sara. Never again." She nods because I know part of her doesn't believe that. I don't blame her. I guess I'll just have to prove it to her.
"Goodnight, Tegan," she says when she opens the door.
"Goodnight," I respond, watching her leave.