Author's Note: This chapter contains sex between to consenting adults (one being 18 and one being closer to 20), but there is some doubt if Dorian actually wants it.
If this makes you uncomfortable in any way, you are hereby warned.

xoxoxox

Dorian should have known it wouldn't last.

He should have known that this was just another, typical Tevinter action.

He should have known better and he deserved the ache in his chest. He deserved the lump in his throat, the pounding in his head and the feeling of absolute confusion, anger and nausea that was coiling around in his stomach.

Why had he even thought that it was more than just a pretty story?

Why had he allowed himself to dream?

It had been so easy... So alluring, so very, very tempting to just fall into Cassian's arm and believe every single word that had come out from between his lips.

It was Dorian's fault. He should have known better.

Things had been so good at the start. They had been discreet, as they were both guests of the Alexius' household and they were both students of two prominent mages.

They had to behave, to listen and remain decent.

It hadn't been easy, considering Cassian only stayed for a week at a time, but when he was away, they wrote letters. Long letters, intimate letters, letters that Dorian cherished and looked forward to.

When Lady Alexius announced that Cassian would spend an entire month at their estate at the start of the new year, Dorian's heart had leapt with joy.

Cassian was working on a new thesis and experiment with Lady Alexius, and it was crucial that they did not stop now.

The prolonged time did wonders for Dorian as they could now enjoy more time together, even if the days belonged to their masters.

The nights though... Now that was an entirely different affair.

Cassian had been nothing but good to Dorian, giving him all the time in the world to be comfortable with what was happening. They spoke often, kissed and touched even more so and while they had gradually gone from just small touches to more heavy petting in the span of weeks, Cassian had never pushed Dorian.

At least that's what Dorian had felt at the time. Now he could see that all the so-called encouragement was Cassian's way of gaining more ground. He was always the one that started their sessions after all, letting them last until Dorian ended them.

It had felt good though.

It had felt right, and Cassian was nothing if not a very eager teacher. He had shown Dorian where and how to touch, where it felt good to him and encouraged Dorian to learn and, eventually, show Cassian where he felt good.

Not that Cassian hadn't already found a few spots on Dorian's body that felt good, and even a couple that Dorian himself hadn't known about.

Then again, he hadn't had much opportunity to really test that spot behind his ears for himself.

Even with them sneaking around, hiding in either their rooms or wherever they could find that was empty and private, it took Dorian over three weeks to actually conquer his nerves and do something more than just the heavy petting.

He believed Cassian knew, possibly understood, but he never said anything. Not until that very first night.

It had been a cold night, much like the night when Cassian had kissed Dorian the first time.

It was late, the moon was already high on the sky, and Dorian knew that Alexius and his wife had long-since gone to bed. The entire house was silent as most of the resident people were asleep.

With the occasional slave scurrying about downstairs, preparing the kitchen and house for the next day, Dorian was awake, perched in the chair by the window, the candle he had lit close to burning down as he slowly flipped the page of the book he was reading.

He hadn't been able to sleep; Alexius had started presenting him with more choices, now that he was halfway through his eighteenth year.

He had yet to choose a branch of magic to specialise himself in, as most mages and Magisters did that at some point during their education. Usually they did not specialise themselves before after their Harrowing, but most read up and had selected something so they could start working on it before that time. He had not found something for his thesis yet either and while he had many ideas, he struggled finding something that he truly wanted to work with.

On the table next to his chair was a piece of parchment and a quill, the tip black with dried in and the parchment full small words and sentences that had been scratched out almost as quickly as they had been written down. Half-assed ideas, Dorian had thought as he had tried to air out his mind and in the end he had just given up for the night. His body and brain was just too tired to actually function properly while his mind was still working on high-gear.

In the end, he had settled for reading something simple and mindless, something to take his mind off the future for just a moment and allowing him to relax.

Dorian had almost started dozing, his eyelids slowly shutting themselves when a soft knock came from the other side of his door.

"Dorian? Are you asleep?"

Dorian could feel his heart skip a beat and he instantly smile as he recognised the voice. "Not at all, Cassian," he called out carefully, hurrying to the door so he could open it. Just before his hand touched the metal handle, he took a moment to straighten out his robe and gather his hair behind his shoulders. Maker's breath, he should have taken the time to brush it properly, but he would just have to make due.

He opened the door and smiled wider as he saw Cassian outside, dressed in simple robes and smiling as well. "I thought you would be fast asleep by now," he murmured, nudging the door open enough for Cassian to slip inside.

"I couldn't sleep," Cassian murmured, wrapping his arms around Dorian from behind as the younger teen closed the door. He nuzzled into Dorian's shoulder-long black hair, the tip of his nose barely ghosting over the skin of his neck. It made Dorian shiver.

"I was thinking about you. I do that a lot lately."

"You don't have to think about me anymore," Dorian murmured, his cheeks slightly red from the lovely words, turning in Cassian's arms so he could wrap his own arms around his shoulders.

"Though I can hardly blame you for wanting to. I am rather lovely, am I not?"

It was still a little strange to him, talking about himself in such a way. He was used to boasting, showing he was good, but this was different. In a way, he liked it. It made him feel good, even if insecurity still raged inside him from time to time.

But Cassian... Cassian soothed those insecurities. Cassian made him feel good.

"Oh, you are," Cassian agreed, leaning in to steal a quick kiss from Dorian, then another, then a third, which he deepened almost immediately.

"You are terribly distracting. I should ask Lady Alexius to put me in a different study or I would just gaze upon you all day."

"Then what would I look at all day," Dorian murmured, making Cassian laugh softly.

"Maker forbid that we deny each other that view," he chuckled before leaning in to kiss Dorian again, who eagerly submitted himself to Cassian's talented mouth.

A strong arm wrapped itself properly around his waist and Dorian was tugged close to Cassian's body, letting out a small moan from the contact. One of his hand snaked itself up to Cassian's chest, grasping at the front of the robe while the other weaved itself into the older man's hair.

"I must have you," Cassian whispered hoarsely against Dorian's lips, nipping hard at the bottom lip. "Dorian..."

Dorian swallowed hard, a small, throaty moan escaping him as one of Cassian's hand found his rump, giving it a squeeze.

"Yes," he whispered, unable to actually deny the man. He didn't want to deny him.

He could feel Cassian's lips tug into a smile and before Dorian knew it, he was tugged towards the bed; their bodies never separating, their lips never leaving one another.

He felt Cassian turn him so that his back was to the bed and with just a small nudge, he was on it and Cassian was on top of him.

It was hardly new; they had been in bed together before, touching one another through each other's clothes, but this... This was different.

Cassian was more firm, more eager and while Dorian was more than accepting of the touches, he also felt his heart beat firmly in his chest.

Still, he continued. He allowed it. He kissed Cassian eagerly, his hands tugging slightly at the man's robes, moaning as he felt Cassian's hands slide over his back, his side, down over his rump and thigh, then back up. He felt drunk, his mind was hazy and all he could think was "more".

Things escalated from there.

Cassian took charge, being the more experienced out of the two and Dorian let him, taking the part of the willing student. Always so eager to learn, eager to please.

Dorian's robes were simple, just something he had tossed on after his evening bath, and Cassian was able to easily open them, revealing Dorian's copper-skin underneath.

At eighteen years of age, Dorian had filled out nicely; he was not as lanky as he had been, but he was still thin, his muscles small, but firm underneath the soft skin.

Cassian didn't seem to mind, eagerly exploring Dorian's exposed body, trapping Dorian's own hands in the sleeves of the half-removed robes. Dorian let out a small whine, his body trembling, humming, responding to the experienced hands of his soon-to-be lover.

"You make the loveliest sounds," Cassian murmured, smirking as he licked a path down over Dorian's neck, nipping gently at his collarbone before his lips found a nipple. He flicked his tongue over it, earning a surprised gasp from Dorian. He grinned and did it again, letting out a pleased sound as another moan escaped the younger man.

"Yes... Do that again," he whispered, bringing his hand to Dorian's other nipple, flicking his thumb over it at the same time as he took the first between his teeth, nipping at it.

"Keep making those sounds, Dorian."

"Cassian," Dorian breathed, his eyes half-closed and his face already flushed from pleasure and excitement. His cock was already half-hard, straining in his smallclothes and he wanted so badly to be touched down there.

"Maker..."

"No reason to compare me with the Maker," Cassian chuckled, breathing warm air against the nipple before his lips continued their journey downwards. He kissed over the muscles on Dorian's lean belly, nipping at the skin before pulling away.

He grinned, his look almost predatory as he took in his work so far, a look of satisfaction on his face.

It made Dorian flush, but he didn't shy away from the gaze. Instead he relished in it. He felt good, knowing that Cassian liked what he saw. So he sat up, shrugging his arms out of the sleeves of his robes, leaving the cloth around his waist to deal with later. He wanted to touch Cassian like Cassian had touched him.

He reached out, his hands trembling slightly as he located the various buttons and straps that held Cassian's robes together, releasing them before pushing them off Cassian's shoulders and down his arms, revealing the body underneath.

The sight made him swallow hard, his breath catching slightly in his throat.

Cassian wasn't much older than he was, just one and a half years, but he was definitely more developed. The chest, his stomach, his arms were muscled, firm and it made Dorian feel extremely self-conscious about his own body. It also made him all the more interested, the sight definitely stirring desire inside him. He had seen women, naked women, in paintings and pictures in books, but they had done nothing for him.

This however... Oh, this definitely did something. The sight of the firm muscles, the firm chest lightly covered in dark, soft hair, the firm trail of slightly coarser hair that went from underneath Cassian's navel and underneath those robes...

If his cock wasn't already stirring, it definitely would have at this sight. He could feel himself throw as it was and he had to resist the urge to bring his hand to his groin to touch himself.

"I take it you like what you see," Cassian murmured, smirking at Dorian.

Dorian could only nod, licking over his lips as they felt more than a little dry.

"The go ahead. Touch me, Dorian."

Dorian did and he just hoped that Cassian liked what he did. The man had more experience and that thought made Dorian feel more nervous.

He was nothing if not a quick learner though and he remembered the spots Cassian had shown him when they had touched each other before.

He ran his hand firmly over his shoulders, nails scraping lightly over the skin as he touched, explored, caressed.

Cassian closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, which Dorian took as a sign of encouragement, so he continued.

He leaned in and copied what Cassian had done to him, running his lips, his tongue, his teeth over the skin on his neck, over his collarbone and down over his chest, circling and flicking his tongue over a dusky nipple when he reached it.

He now understood why Cassian had grinned when Dorian had moaned from it. Dorian himself did the same when Cassian moaned. It filled him with delight. He wanted to hear it again.

He continued his explorations, his hands and mouth touching wherever they could reach from their current position, but when Dorian's hands reached the robes around Cassian's waist, the older man stopped him.

"Did... Did I do something wrong?" Dorian asked, swallowing some as he looked up at Cassian, a look of concern on his face.

"Far from," Cassian replied hoarsely, licking over his lips. "You are entirely too talented and you are driving me crazy with your touch."

"Well... I am a man of many talents," Dorian replied with a slight grin before gasping as Cassian pushed him back down onto his back, grasping at both his hands and pinning them down over his head.

The motion both frightened and aroused him.

Cassian loomed over him, a look of hunger on his face as he simply looked at Dorian, his breathing coming out hard and fast.

"Say it now, Dorian," he whispered, his voice gravely. "Say that you want this. Say that you want me."

Dorian breathed hard, his chest rising and falling as he just looked up at Cassian. For a moment, his mind screamed no. He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure if he was ready, he wasn't sure what he wanted. He only had a general idea about what was to come. In all honestly, he was scared and he didn't know why.

"I want you," he said instead, arching his body up towards Cassian. "... Please. Don't stop."

Cassian smiled and Dorian couldn't help but smile back.

"I will make you feel so good, Dorian. We will be so good together. Beautiful together," the man had whispered as he leaned down, kissing Dorian long and hard. "Trust me."

And Dorian did.

He would be lying if he said it didn't hurt, despite of Cassian's gentle touches and distracting kisses.

The remainder of their clothes had been discarded a long time ago and they were naked on Dorian's bed, with Dorian on his hands and knees, his legs spread, his hands gripping at the bed sheets and with Cassian behind him, his well-oiled fingers thrusting slowly inside him, stretching him out. The muscles burned and Dorian felt odd, having the fingers inside him. He had read about it, read about many things, but he had never actually done it. He had been curious, which was why he had been easily convinced by Cassian to take the more submissive part. It made sense to him, being the more inexperienced one, and Cassian had promised that he would show him everything, that it would be good.

Besides, Cassian had been gentle about it. He had taken his time, stopped when Dorian had tensed up, listening to Dorian's breathing.

The tightness, the stinging, it was still there, but as Cassian continued to thrust inside him, his fingers sometimes hitting a spot inside Dorian that felt really good, the pain was joined by a strange pleasure. It wasn't the same as when Dorian touched himself, the good, distracting feeling when he brought himself off, but something else. A strange, good feeling of being filled, of being claimed. Of being at the mercy of someone he cared for, that he liked, of being claimed. Of being wanted.

He wasn't sure if it was his body or his mind that started controlling it, but Dorian found that he liked it, despite the stinging and discomfort.

He soon started begging for more.

Cassian was only too happy to give it too him.

Cassian was, naturally, a great deal bigger than three of his fingers, but he took his time in sliding into Dorian's body. The head was the worse, the crown wide and Dorian couldn't help the cry of pain that escaped him when the head slipped inside, his hands gripping tightly at the sheets.

He breathed hard, his eyes misty and his face was buried in the sheets, trying his best to silence himself as he bit down hard at the silken cloth. Cassian's hands rubbed over his back and sides soothingly, keeping his hips still until Dorian slowly nodded his head.

It was okay. The stinging had subsided.

"You are doing so well," Cassian had whispered as he slid inside his lover to the hilt of his shaft, leaning his body over Dorian's back so he could kiss at his neck.

"Maker, you feel good... So tight around me..."

Dorian had only moaned in response, unable to find the words. He felt so full, like he was about to split in two. He had touched Cassian, seen the size of his cock before they had done this, but right now it felt like it was twice the size.

Then Cassian started moving.

The first few slides of Cassian inside him were okay. He took his time, letting Dorian adjust and get used to the feeling of him inside him. Cassian's breath was hot against Dorian's shoulder and Dorian himself released a stream of small mewls and moans. Each time Cassian pulled out, he moaned. When he slid in, he mewled.

Cassian rocked his hips gently, his hands grasping at Dorian's hips, keeping him steady as they moved.

Then he started really moving.

He lifted his upper body up from Dorian's back after kissing him neck, his grasp on Dorian tightening as he stilled his movements. Then he slowly slid out of his lover, only to snap his hips forward hard.

The movement caught Dorian off guard and it made him snap his head up, a loud gasp escaping him. The movement was followed by another, then another, until Cassian was fucking him in earnest with quick, hard strokes, leaving Dorian no choice but to hang on for the ride.

There was a mix of pain and pleasure washing over him, leaving him feeling like all his strength was leaving him. He slumped forward as he grasped harder at the sheets, his face buried in the silk and a stream of moans escaping him as Cassian claimed him.

The slight pain that was still there was overshadowed by the intense pleasure from Cassian assaulting that spot inside him with his thrusts and as they continued to move, Cassian snuck a hand down to grasp at Dorian's half-hard erection. He tugged at it, stroking it until it hardened fully again, adding further pleasure to Dorian's already oversensitive system.

He wouldn't last.

In fact, he came embarrassingly fast.

He couldn't help it. The feeling of Cassian's hand in his prick, the ruthless assault of the spot inside him, the feeling of being filled; it all felt so good. His breathing became harder, faster, tears of pleasure leaking from his eyes until it all just climbed up and above the peak.

He came hard, harder than he had ever come before, Cassian's name spilling from his lips along with cries of pleasure as he spilled himself onto the silken sheets under him.

Cassian just let out a satisfied grunt and continued to stroke his hand over Dorian's now sensitive prick, his hips slamming hard into Dorian's body. Dorian had no idea when Cassian reached his end; his vision was swimming, his body was singing and he continued to make moans of pleasure as Cassian moved. It could have been seconds, minutes, even hours; he had no sense of time, no sense of anything besides the feeling of Cassian around him and inside him.

Cassian came with a silent grunt, releasing Dorian's softening cock to grasp at his hips, using both hands to slam Dorian hard onto his prick before he came, spilling his load inside of Dorian's body.

Dorian moaned again from the feeling of the wet heat that appeared inside him, filling him up.

Then Cassian pulled out of him, the hands vanishing from his hips and Dorian couldn't do anything else but slump forward onto the bed. Cassian wasn't far behind him, shifting so he could lay down next to him, letting an arm wrap around him and tugging him close. He was breathing hard as well and when Dorian turned his head to look at him, he could see the satisfied look on Cassian's face.

It made Dorian smile. He felt good.

"That was fantastic," Cassian breathed, smiling as he opened his eyes, looking into Dorian's eyes. "You were fantastic."

"You were pretty good yourself," Dorian whispered, loving the way Cassian chuckled when he said it.

"Oh, you are precious," he murmured, leaning in to kiss Dorian softly, and then letting his head rest on Dorian's pillow.

"You have completely exhausted me."

"Sounds like some rest is in order then," Dorian murmured, glad that he wasn't the only one who felt spent. He was sticky from sweat and he was only half-aware of Cassian's seed leaking out of his over-sensitive ass, but he just couldn't bring himself to care. He doubted he could do much about it right now, he wasn't even sure if he had feeling left in his legs.

"A very good idea," Cassian agreed, yawning as he tugged Dorian closer, nuzzling at his forehead.

Silence wrapped itself around them, the only sound in the room being the sound of their heavy breathing slowly evening out until it was soft, calm and comfortable.

The candle that had been burning on Dorian's table had long since been snuffed out, having died out as it ran out of cotton to burn. The room was dark, comfortable and Dorian fell asleep feeling good.

The feeling wouldn't last.

As the morning came the next morning, Dorian wasn't that surprised to see Cassian gone, but he was still disappointed to wake up to an empty bed.

Still, the thought of what had happened the night before brought a smile to Dorian's face, despite feeling sticky and sore. Nothing a nice, warm bath wouldn't take care off.

The day was a bit stranger though.

Cassian acted completely normal, as if nothing had happened between them and Dorian wasn't quite sure what to do about that. He knew they had to be discreet, but the complete lack of anything did put Dorian a little off.

However, Cassian must have noticed Dorian's confusion because, as they got a moment alone in Alexius' study, he gave him a small kiss and a soft "Thank you for last night" before winking and returning to his work.

That was enough to make Dorian feel better.

It would continue like that until the month of Wintermarch made way to the next month of Guardian.

Dorian knew that Cassian would soon leave, but as he woke up on his bed, Cassian's marks still on his body, his bed empty as per normal, he did not expect that Cassian would already be gone.

He did his normal ritual; bathed, got dressed, groomed himself and then headed downstairs to have breakfast with the rest of the household, fully expecting Cassian to be there. He actually stopped by the door when he saw the empty chair where Cassian normally sat.

Gerenon and Livia smiled and wished him a good morning, as per usual, and Dorian forced up a smile and wished them a good morning in return, sitting down on his usual chair.

As a slave served him his breakfast; eggs, toast, thin cut of roast and lightly fried vegetables he looked towards Lady Alexius, trying to look casual. "Is Cassian sleeping in today?"

"Cassian? I am afraid he has left us. For good," Livia said, sounding a little wistful. "Such a shame, it was a pleasure having such a hard-working student for a change, but he finished up his thesis and it was time for him to present it to the First and Senior Enchanters."

Dorian almost choked on his goblet of wine, banging his chest some as he tried to regain his breath.

"Are you alright, dear?" Livia asked, a look of concern on her face.

"Yes," Dorian rasped out, clearing his throat a couple of times. "My apologizes, I just swallowed wrong," he added before letting a small, strained smile play on his lips. "And... Cassian has left already? That is... Surprising. I thought he was going to be here another week or so?"

"That was the plan," Livia replied, pouring herself a little more of the spiced wine. "But he was called back to the circle about a week ago and he was strained for time."

"I... I see," Dorian said silently, picking up his fork and using it to poke at the sliced roast on his plate. "I... I just didn't expect him to leave so soon, he... He didn't mention it."

"Truly?" Livia did actually look surprised to learn that.

"I am sure it must have slipped his mind in all the rush, there was some pressure on him from the Circle."

"I see." Dorian merely nodded slowly, looking down onto his food.

"I take it you saw him off then?"

"Yes. He left early this morning, before the sunrise. He had a long journey and apparently had plans to stop by his parents before returning to the circle."

Dorian managed to keep back the question 'Did he leave a message for me?' because he already knew.

If Cassian had left him a message, they would have given it to him by now.

"I see. Well, a shame," he said quietly instead. "I would have liked to wish him all the best, but perhaps a letter will have to do."

"If you are writing one, do let me know," Livia said with a kind smile. "I am sending him some recommendations so I would be happy to send of a message from you as well. I am sure he will be thrilled to get it."

Dorian managed to force up a smile as he nodded. "Of course he will. Letters from me are to be treasured. That is what Felix says at least."

The chuckle from both Lord and Lady Alexius was enough to force away the feeling of nausea that had gathered in the pit of his stomach.

He excused himself early from the table, claiming he was feeling a bit off from having too much wine the night before, and after soothing the look of concern on their faces, Dorian retreated to his own room.

His bed had already been changed and made; no traces were left from their night of passion. Just like always.

His fingers itched and he wanted nothing more than to scream, to ruin something, toss something around, set the entire room ablaze.

He hurt and he wasn't sure what hurt the most; the obvious way Cassian had set him up, the feeling of betrayal of Cassian just leaving him or the voice that told him that this was what it would always be.

He had been a fool for believing in the other man. He had been a fool to have believed him when he had said Dorian was beautiful, that they could have something beautiful together.

If it was so fucking beautiful, then why did Dorian suddenly feel so ugly and used on the inside?

Unable to prevent the sob that escaped him, Dorian sank down onto the floor, back against his bedroom door before curling his knees to his chest and burying his face down into them.

For the first time in many, many years, he cried.