It was almost funny, the way time changed when you had absolutely nothing to go to and nothing to truly live for.
Oh, he knew he had everything to live for, but he just couldn't bring himself to care anymore.
He had had everything once, but he had wasted it away on a silly goose-chase because of two men he loved and adored; a man he vowed as a father-figure and a man as close to him as a blood-brother.
Now he was banished from that household with nothing but chains waiting for him if he went home. Everything he had worked so hard for had vanished like smoke and he would be forced to start from scratch, working twice as hard to get the respect and reputation he had once had back because by now, all of his work and ideas would have been copied or simply stolen by others because he had left them half-finished.
Dorian hadn't meant to end up where he was of course. His plan had been to take a few days off to think about his options, to find a solution to his predicament. The problem was, he was hurt. The entire ordeal had hurt him and he struggled with dealing with it. He had just lost two people who were dear and he didn't know what to do or who to turn to.
They had been the people he could talk openly with and now… Now he didn't have that anymore.
Dorian hadn't meant for it to happen.
Hadn't meant for any of this to happen.
But once he had started, it had been so simple to give into the temptation to just… Forget. Just for a little while.
Drinking wasn't a foreign concept to him, he remembered the good feelings he got from doing it in the moment. The warm bliss, the haze, the numbing sensation. It felt good, allowing him some time to not think and just… do.
It had started as a couple of glasses of wine to comfort himself in the evenings as he sat alone at the inn in the Gilded Quarter. The next night, he had added a brandy to the wine and before a week had passed, he had fallen into the haze and comfort that the alcohol provided. Because it was comforting. It was warm, it made him feel giddy and it made him forget.
Problem was, in the morning, everything came flooding back and he almost immediately got into the habit of drinking to make it go away again.
When the first messenger had come to get him at the Gilded Quarter, Dorian had left for other, less desirable areas of Minrathous.
He wasn't ready to face his parents, wasn't ready to explain himself for what he was doing.
So that's what he continued doing. He kept drifting, drinking, avoiding everything and everyone except the things he wanted.
He didn't want to speak to anyone, he didn't want good advice and kind words, they wouldn't help anyway. At least, that's what he was thinking at the start of his time drinking his pain away.
He had been right. He had done nothing wrong. Alexius had been the one who had been unreasonable, not him. He had done everything he could for Alexius and Felix, giving up everything for the two of them and had gotten nothing back. For almost two years he had been there, giving up everything, ignoring his duties, his parents, in order to help Alexius and when faced with reason, Alexius had cut him out of his life! Dorian had nothing to feel guilty over, nothing to regret! He had been right.
As time passed however, the determination turned into guilt and sadness.
Maybe he had been a little unreasonable. The man had lost his wife and was going to lose his son. No parent was to bury their own children, that feeling must have been horrible. He should have been nicer about it, spoken to him more calmly instead of turning so angry… Of course Alexius would feel attacked for wanting to give his son his life back.
Dorian continued to avoid any messengers and people sent by his family to find him, having all but moved into the slums of Minrathous where he was drinking his coin away.
He should be ashamed of it and he was aware of it, but he just didn't care. It was his money and it wasn't like he had anywhere to go anyway.
With the drinking came sexual encounters with more men than Dorian could remember. Mostly sailors and workers because the chance of bumping into them was slimmer than if he went for someone of higher status. Not that he really cared about status and honour right now. All he knew was that he was hurting, he was confused and the booze and sex helped.
It was distracting.
He kept it somewhat discreet of course, but not because he was afraid of making a spectacle. He was afraid that his family would find him.
He moved locations often, switching between inns in the slums of Minrathous and kept himself on the low. He wore simpler clothing to make sure he was just "one amongst many" in the crowd and kept his long hair loose to hide his face somewhat. When he was out, he made sure he had his hood over his head, no matter how hot the day or night was.
Dorian wasn't sure when his tipping-point happened since the only thing he could think about was Felix and Alexius. He would admit to himself that his concern was more towards Felix rather than his old mentor, but he was concerned for him as well.
But when rumours had started to spread that Magister Alexius had not shown up to join any official meetings at the Magisterium, which was unheard off, Dorian took more of a listen to things. There was also word that the city of Kirkwall was in unrest as apparently one rebel mage had taken it upon himself to blow up the city chantry, killing the Revered Mother.
Tevinter, unsurprisingly, found it to be a good thing. They had never viewed the South's treatment of mages in a favourable light and if this was the start of change, it could only be good for them in more reasons than one. It the South got into disarray, their defences would be lowered and that could mean chances for Tevinter.
Dorian hadn't really listened much, still being too busy wallowing in his own self-pity until realisation came to him. He had been half-done with a mug of cheap ale, head supported up his hand as he studied the piss-coloured liquid as if it held all the answers he was looking for.
It was when he drank from it that Dorian started thinking about what he was doing to himself.
He had spent months, literally months, drifting and avoiding everything and everybody, hoping that he could drink himself into oblivious and wake up to a world that was more familiar to him.
Instead the world was changing and now his old mentor was hiding away. Just like he himself was hiding away.
Dorian had wasted months on doing nothing and if he kept doing so, he would end up with less than nothing.
Had not Alexius said that he was better than this? That he could do anything he set his mind to? That the only one he had to impress was himself?
Dorian certainly wasn't impressing himself now and if Alexius had seen him now…
Except the chance was great that Alexius was doing the same thing. Wallowing in his own grief, desperately chasing dreams. Maybe Felix was even dead now and Dorian would be none the wiser.
Someone had to do something.
Someone had to reach out to him and that someone had to be Dorian.
He had been too harsh, to fast with his first attempt, but there was still time to do something about the situation. If he could reconcile with Alexius, speak to him, then maybe there was still a chance…
He just hoped he wouldn't be too late.
He was too late.
Dorian had spent the better part of a week, needing to gather money and clean himself up before he took the long journey back to Asariel. He was running low on his own savings, but he took a chance and used his birth-right at one of the local banks so he could take out some of his family's money, intending to replace it.
Besides, it was such a small sum that it wouldn't be missed and by the time his father was notified where Dorian had withdrawn them money from, Dorian would be long gone from the area.
He had arranged for his belongings from the old apartment at the Circle to be shipped to Asariel as well, intending to show his famous stubborn side to his old mentor.
He was not going to leave.
At least, that was his intention until he actually arrived at the Alexius mansion.
He had a bad feeling the second he stepped out of the carriage, staring up at the dark, quiet house. He could see the window to Alexius' study from the front and that too was dark; a good indication that nobody was there. For as long as he had stayed with his old mentor, there was always a light in that window and not seeing it now… it was disheartening.
Still, he had come too far to give up now and with a confident stride, he walked up the path to the house and used the large knocker on the door. He could hear the echoes from the metal hitting the wood resonate inside the house, but after several long seconds, nothing was heard.
Nobody was coming to open the door.
Dorian didn't give up and tried knocking again, doing it harder this time before waiting, praying that someone would come.
Nobody did.
After a few more futile attempts, Dorian admitted the defeat and headed back down to the carriage, not willing to look at the driver.
"Seems like nobody is home, my lord," the driver said as he looked up at the dark house.
"Do you want me to take you downtown?"
"Yes, please," Dorian said as he climbed back up into the carrier.
"I assume you don't happen to know what has happened with the master of the house?"
"Afraid not, my lord," the driver said before cracking his whip, encouraging the horses to start moving again. "But I am sure someone downtown will know what has happened to them."
Dorian nodded, pinching the bridge between his eyes as he leaned back against his seat. He was feeling a headache coming up and he longed for a proper drink. "Yes, thank you. Take me to the inn, will you?"
"I assume you want the finest one, my lord?"
"I want whichever is more likely to provide me with a few answers, so if that is the finer one, then yes."
"Of course, my lord."
The driver felt silent after that, which Dorian was grateful for. All the courage he had come with was rapidly draining away, leaving him with a sense of being lost, and the last thing he wanted was to hold a conversation.
The trip down to the town didn't take long and before the evening had set in, Dorian found himself in a nice, warm room, resisting the urge to just fall into the very soft-looking bed. He had to see if he could find out more about where Alexius had gone to and for how long.
Knowing that Alexius probably hadn't gone to the town personally, he hoped that the stores might have some information as Alexius' servants must have come down to get supplies or have supplies sent up to the mansion. He also knew he had to show some authority while looking for information so he made sure that his birth-right was visible, hoping it would be enough to get some answers.
Heading towards the local shops, Dorian tried his best in fishing out information, but the shopkeepers didn't know anything specific. All they knew is that they sent weekly supplies up to the mansion, but then were notified that they did no longer needed the supplies and that their agreements were concluded with a final payment of the last shipping received.
Dorian tried his luck with three different shops before giving up, heading down to the stables instead.
It was getting dark by the time he got there, but the stable-keeper was still up, tending to his horses.
"Evening," Dorian called out, noting down that the stable-keeper was a young, rather handsome looking man. Tall, rugged, a stubble covering the square chin and jawline and with a mop of dark, short hair to compliment the sun-kissed, dark skin.
Just to Dorian's taste.
Quickly showing the thoughts aside, Dorian returned the focus to the task at hand. "I hear rumours that you are the place to go for good, strong horses and good carriages?"
"Right you are, my lord," the man answered, his thick Antivan accent shining through as he spoke.
"We keep and tend to most horses here, and we offer services to the Lords and Ladies that live in this area."
"Wonderful," Dorian said while looking towards the horse the man had tended to; a large beast, brown in colour and with a short-cropped mane.
"Then perhaps you can answer some questions that are severely bothering me."
"I can certainly try my best," the keeper said, drying off his hands with a piece of cloth.
"What can I do for you, my lord?"
"Well, I am here to visit a friend who has not been very sociable these last few weeks. Gereon Alexius."
"Ah yes, the Alexius family," the keeper said, nodding his head. "Tragedy that, with his lovely wife dying and his son being sick. We used to see them here from time to time, always so nice and polite."
"So you knew them?"
"Not personally, if that's what you're asking, my lord. I've been up there a few times, tending to their horses or fixing their carriages, and they never treated me with anything else but respect and kindness."
"And have you been up there recently?"
The man shook his head some. "Afraid not, my lord. About a month ago, the lord summoned me to purchase our largest carriage and our strongest horses. Didn't say why or for what, but it is not in my place to ask."
"So, you just delivered them and that was that?"
The man nodded his head. "Afraid so, my lord. But I believe he was either going on a long trip or moving. There were many people there, packing and carrying things."
Dorian frowned some. "Do you know if they were his slaves or of they were hired men?"
"Definitely slaves, my lord," the keeper said. "But not his. They were-," he started, then hesitated some, as if afraid that Dorian would strike him down. "It is not in my place to say how to treat one's own property, but they were quite… thin. And looked scared," he finished carefully.
That made Dorian frown harder, rubbing his hand over his chin as he digested this new knowledge. "That does indeed sound weird," he murmured before he gave the man a now and a smile. "Thank you kindly, for your information. You have been most helpful," he said, digging into his purse so he could offer the man some coins.
"Well, thank you kindly, my lord," the keeper said, accepting the coins. "I hope you find master Alexius and that everything is well."
"So do I, my good man. So do I."
Dorian decided to call it a night and after thanking the stable-keeper again, heading back towards the Inn so he could rest.
Whatever had happened to his master, he had clearly left in secret, not letting anyone know where he had gone or why. Maybe he was on another wild goose-chase, maybe he was hoping to meet and speak to the Wardens somewhere himself.
Heck, for all Dorian knew, Alexius might have gotten an answer from the Wardens after Dorian had left.
In a way, Dorian hoped that that was the truth, but there was still that uncertainty. It would be other reasons as to why Alexius had decided to pack up and leave, and the biggest reasons as to why could be the death of Felix.
If Felix had died…
Dorian didn't want to think about it. All he knew if that was the case, then he was too late.
There was nothing more he could do.
He was simply too late.