"One Last Goodbye":
'It's rather curious, isn't it? Alexius always told us that the only way to restore the Imperium was through integrity. If we mages didn't have it and enforce it among our own kind, how could we expect others not to life in fear?
Yet he said the same thing to you as he did to me. I still don't think he actually believed the words coming out from his own mouth.
Something has done something to him, or to Felix. That has to be it.
Rather sad that you won't come south with me, but I can't let this lie. I won't.'
Signing the letter with his initials, Dorian carefully put the quill down onto his desk before re-reading the letter one more time.
He didn't have a lot of contact with his colleagues at the Circle of Magi, but he was on good terms with some of them despite all the time that had passed. It touched him, knowing that he had something close to friends after all this time, but he wouldn't trust them any further than he could metaphorically throw them.
Still, he was sad that he didn't have more backing from one of the few decent mages he knew in the Circle, though he wasn't surprised. This was dangerous in more ways than one and Dorian could be called a fool for even considering it.
Despite the risk, it had to be done. Something, or someone, had gotten Alexius in the palm of their hand, and Dorian wasn't about to let his old teacher and father-figure down, even if it meant stopping him from ruining his own reputation or future.
Even if it meant death.
Sighing, Dorian ran his hand over his face, feeling that same weariness he had felt before his fight with Alexius so long ago. It was sad to know that Alexius had just kept on chasing an impossible goal, dragging his son along with him when they should have been spending time together.
"Oh, Alexius… What are you doing now," he murmured, picking up the letter that Alexius had sent him.
It was cryptic, revealing very little, but speaking volumes about what was going on.
For some reason or the other, Alexius and Felix had gone all the way to Ferelden and, and that was the part Dorian couldn't understand, had cast his lot in with a group of Tevinter supremacists. Dorian didn't know much about the Venatori except what was obvious; a group of Tevinter supremacists that longed for the "Tevinter of old", when everything was good for the rich and powerful, and they were feared through-out Thedas.
It didn't make sense to him that Alexius would join them, but if they had something he wanted… He couldn't put it past his mentor to have fallen in with them.
Either way, Dorian knew that nothing good would come off this and it was up to him to locate his mentor and beat some sense into him, both figuratively and literally if he had to.
A soft, careful knock on his chamber-door made him jump in surprise, almost spilling ink over the letter. Quickly cleaning away his writing utensils, Dorian cleared his throat before speaking. "Come in."
The door was pushed open, revealing Rilenius on the other side, wearing a face of concern and… sadness? "Master Pavus?"
"Please," Dorian said, giving Rilenius a faint smile as he discreetly adjusted his robe. "Call me Dorian. I am a master of none. I have never been a master."
"I mean no disrespect," Rilenius murmured while closing the door behind him silently.
"I… heard from Magister Tilani that you are planning on leaving soon?"
"You would have heard correctly," Dorian said while leaning against his desk. "There are some… private affairs I have avoided for far too long that I feel I need to take care of now."
"I… I see." Rilenius looked down for a moment, his hands clasped behind him back.
"I will be sorry to see you do, Ma-. Dorian. I have grown accustomed to your presence here at Magister Tilani's estate."
"Well, I am not going to leave forever. I will return to Tevinter, once my affairs have been concluded," Dorian replied with a small laugh. "You will hardly notice that I've been gone."
Rilenius chuckled as well, then glanced back to Dorian. The two men stood there in silence and the pull between them… Dorian had felt it for a long time, but he had never acted on it. Was afraid to act on it.
A quick roll in the sheets was one thing, but this… Dorian was afraid of this. It was tempting him, calling to him and Maker did he want to answer the sweet calling…
But he couldn't.
Rilenius seemed to feel the same thing, clearing his throat as he straightened his back somewhat. "Well… If I can be of any service, anything at all… I may just be a quaestor, but I have some knowledge and hidden talents.
"Of that I am certain," Dorian mused, walking over to a small table by the window. He picked up a decanter with wine, carefully removing the top of it and poured himself a glass. "Want a glass, dear Rilenius?"
"Yes, please."
Dorian poured another glass before returning to Rilenius with both glasses, offering him one of them.
Rilenius accepted it and took a sip, nodding in approval. "Mm… Vint-9, if I am not mistaken?"
"Correct. A gift from Maevaris, before I leave."
Rilenius nodded, lifting his glass in a toast. "Thank you, then. For sharing this with me. I am surprised that you are not spending your final evening here with Magister Tilani."
Dorian chuckled and nipped at his own red, closing his eyes for a moment. "There would be too many tears shed and I cannot have that. I hate long good-byes, especially if I don't have an audience that would appreciate the drama."
"But a small audience with me is fine?" Rilenius asked, making Dorian blush ever so slightly and look away.
"I've come to… appreciate your company, in the weeks I have been here," he murmured instead, trying his best to still the sudden powerful thumping in his heart. "It would be cold of me, to not say good-bye."
"I would have been sad if you had left, without bidding me farewell," Rilenius murmured, smiling some as he looked at Dorian.
"Perish the thought. I may be one for dramatics, but to actually make someone sad… Now that couldn't do," Dorian murmured as their eyes met and locked together.
He could feel his heard thumb harder in his chest and he couldn't help but squeeze at the glass in his hand. The look Rilenius was giving him was hard to place, but Dorian was willing to wager that his own look mirrored the one from the other man.
He had to stop it before something happened.
He hated himself for even having the thought and the need to do that.
As the intensity of the moment seemed to draw both of them closer, Dorian broke it, looking away from Rilenius' intense stare as Dorian focused more on his glass of wine.
He knew he was being a coward, but he just couldn't allow himself this. He just couldn't allow himself this moment of possible happiness. He had been bitten one time too many and to have this moment before moving to the South…
No. Dorian couldn't stand it. The less good things he had to remember in Tevinter, the better. He had to be strong.
To Rilenius' credit, he didn't say anything about the broken moment. Instead the man pulled away, a soft smile still on his face, but there was something in his eyes that Dorian wasn't quite able to place when he felt brave enough to look back.
"Well… I should retreat for the night," he murmured, quickly finishing the remains of his wine. "Maevaris ordered a ride for me in the morning so I need to make sure I am ready."
"Of course," Rilenius replied, finishing his own glass of wine before putting the empty glass down.
"Good luck, Dorian," he murmured, reaching out to gently squeeze Dorian's shoulder. "If you ever need a friend here in the Imperium, know that you have me."
Dorian smiled back, though it was faint and weak. "I will, Rilenius. Thank you for that."
Silence once again filled the room before Rilenius gave one final squeeze to Dorian's shoulder along with a final smile, then left the room, leaving Dorian to his thoughts.
Squeezing the empty glass of wine in his hand, Dorian closed his eyes as he tried to calm his racing heart with limited success. He quickly moved back to the small table by the window, filling up his glass and almost downing half of it as he tried to calm down.
He couldn't deny his feelings and with it came all the emotions he tried so hard to suppress. He wouldn't lie, he knew it wasn't love he was feeling, but he knew it was something deeper than simple attraction. Something that could have held more meaning. Something… something that Dorian wanted, but had not, and could not, have. Something forbidden.
Closing his eyes, Dorian drained the rest of his glass before refilling it, but instead of drinking the wine, he simply stared into the deep red liquid.
He would be lying if he said he was prepared for the journey.
He would be lying if he said he wasn't afraid.
He would be lying if he said he hadn't considered backing out if and just forgetting about the whole thing.
But he couldn't. With a clean conscience, he just couldn't.
Alexius, with all his flaws and mistakes in the last few years, was still his mentor. Still his friend. Dorian owed him, owed his son, this last attempt of making Alexius see, of making him understand.
Inhaling deeply, Dorian closed his eyes as he attempted to strengthen his resolve.
"I am coming, Felix, Alexius," he murmured softly. "By Andraste, I am coming… just don't get yourself killed."
He hoped Andraste would listen and grant him his wish.