CHAPTER TWO: Consequences

"Are you okay?" Thomas asked, his bright blue eyes wide in that bizarrely boyish face of his.

Rey glanced up from the food the waiter had just finished sliding onto the table.

Her date was definitely handsome, but it kind of freaked her out a bit that he still looked like he was maybe eighteen years old when he was actually thirty. She wasn't sure if she'd get used to it or not.

"Yeah," she lied, giving him a bright smile. "Why?"

"Well, it's just that you looked like your chicken was raw or something. Your expression was pure disgust."

She blinked, returned her attention to her food, vaguely surprised. "Oh. No, it's fine. Sorry, I must have been thinking about something else."

"Not me, I hope," he joked. His grin was charming for sure.

"No, no, of course not you." Her stomach curled uneasily as the scent of the chicken hit her. She ignored it and began to cut herself a bite. "Actually, I'm really having a great time."

"Me too." He glanced around the crowded restaurant conspiratorially. "Don't tell anyone, but I like hanging out with just you even better than being with all your friends."

She laughed. "They can be a handful."

"I'm sorry it's taken us this long to go out. Armitage told me about you getting quarantined. How was that? I think I'd go mad for two weeks by myself in my apartment."

"Oh, it wasn't too bad," she said lightly. "Half of it was taking care of Ben when he was sick, half of it was me being sick in return, and then there were only a few days left."

"I didn't realize you weren't alone," Thomas said, surprised. "Ben? Is he that big silent one?"

Big was right. The first time Rey met Thomas — when Rose had finally introduced them a few weeks after the quarantine ended — had been in the setting of everyone getting together at Poe's for one of his famous murder mystery parties. Seeing Thomas and Ben in the same setting was laughable. Thomas looked like a child next to him, in stature as well as face. If Thomas been any less charming that night, Rey would never have agreed to this date after seeing him so physically emasculated. But he was charming, and something about him suggested she might like to know him better. So she did agree. And now, a little over two months since the quarantine, here they were.

"Yeah, that's him. I thought Rose and Hux told you that's why we couldn't meet that night they wanted to introduce us. Ben didn't have anything to survive in his apartment, so I made him come to mine."

Thomas looked briefly ruffled, a quick frown, a shift in his seat, and then it passed and his expression lightened. "You're really generous to share like that."

Rey grinned. "I like helping my friends when I can."

His blue eyes warmed as he smiled. Yeah, he did have a good smile, she decided.

So far it really was going well. He was funny and playful, with a sweet affable quality that Rey liked very much. Rose was right to introduce them. They got along well, despite his strangely youthful face. And if she decided to keep him around, the circle of her friends would be almost half British, between Hux and his sister Gwen, and Rey and Thomas. Normally she didn't like to think about home — all her worst memories were back there on that rainy island — but there was something oddly fun about being around so many of her own.

Poe kept making noises about the British Invasion that night at his murder mystery party.

As for tonight? The evening went well — very well, actually. Rey definitely wanted to go out with him again sometime, if he asked. And she thought that he might. He seemed to be enjoying himself too. They both laughed easily. She learned that he worked with Hux at the same legal firm, but that he didn't love law. He loved history, and would have loved to be a teacher except his parents were worried he'd never make any money at it. They'd come to the States when he was a teen for his father's investment pursuits. She kept him talking about himself and his family so that he didn't have time to ask her much about her own story. She gave him only the most basic information — that she was a freelance copywriter and advertising consultant for small businesses, that she'd graduated a couple years ago, that she hadn't been home since before school, and that no, she didn't have any family out here. There was nothing else about her past that he needed to know. Nobody needed to know.

As agreeable as her company was, however, her body still felt distinctly off. By the time they were ending, she was uncomfortable. Her chicken still wasn't sitting properly in her stomach and her head was a little fuzzy from the smells and noise of the restaurant. Her mouth tasted metallic and bitter.

Thomas noticed her discomfort.

"Are you okay?" he asked again as they were getting their coats. "You're really pale. You look like you might be sick."

Would she? She didn't exactly feel like she was going to throw up. Her unhappy stomach wasn't trying to riot in that way. But it didn't seem to know what to do with the meal she'd just eaten either. Mostly she just wanted to lie down on the floor of the restaurant and fall asleep.

"I don't feel great," she admitted, a little embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I think I ate something I shouldn't have earlier."

"It's alright. Let me take you home — and send Rose to check in on you later," he added hastily, lest she misunderstand him.

She smiled a thin, weary, but nonetheless genuine smile. "Thank you, Thomas."

Getting out into the fresh air helped a bit. By the time she got back home and finally crawled into bed, she didn't feel queasy anymore — just extraordinarily tired. It didn't take her long to fall asleep.

In the two months since she'd been quarantined, life had begrudgingly returned to normal for a lot of people. The virus still ran rampant around the world, but the introduction of anti-virals had slowed the spread. Infections were down, and people were out and about again. The economy couldn't sustain longterm closures. Rey's peers had never really stopped going out anyway, and now the news was beginning to herald their generation as the saviors of industry because their continued spending during the crisis was the only thing that kept many businesses afloat. All in all, it felt like the world was limping back into recovery and things were humming again.

Which was all great, except that Rey didn't feel like she was quite part of it. Something didn't seem right.

It wasn't anything specific she could put her finger on, exactly. And she was fine in every way that mattered. She'd recovered well. No lingering cough. No complications with breathing that sometimes happened after this particular infection. But there remained somewhere in her subconsciousness this unease that told her that nothing was normal. Something hidden deep in her body was different.

When she thought about it for too long, it started to scare her. She didn't know her biological family's history with chronic diseases or cancers. She didn't know what demons lurked in her genetics, waiting to manifest.

Food was a little bit of an issue. She could eat just fine, but afterwards the flavors lingered and warped. Tastes soured in her mouth. She began brushing her teeth after every snack as well as every meal, and sometimes even when she hadn't eaten at all. That was definitely new behavior for her. The bigger thing though was how tired she was. All the time. She started to take naps during the day, which she'd never needed to do before. Fortunately her freelance work allowed her to snatch these siestas when her body started to shut down, but their frequency disturbed her. Normally she had great reservoirs of energy. Maybe the virus had taken more out of her than she thought.

"You really should see a doctor," Rose told her one day when they were out buying seeds for her balcony herb garden. "It's not normal to be this tired. Maybe you have a thyroid thing. I heard that can cause energy problems."

"Does that just pop up out of nowhere?" Rey wondered, sagging against a post while Rose browsed. "I've never had thyroid issues before. Maybe it's something triggered by the virus. I heard adrenal fatigue is a thing — right?"

"I think I've heard of that, yeah. Either way, those would be things for a doctor to figure out."

"You're right," she sighed. "I'll make an appointment."

"Why'd you tell Thomas you quarantined with Ben, by the way?" Rose asked, shooting her a begrudging look. "He came and asked us if you guys were a thing."

"I thought he knew. It wasn't a big deal." Rey picked up a packet of strawberry seeds. "Why don't you grow these?"

"I tried once. They needed more than I could give."

Rey laughed at that.

Rose smiled too, plucking the packet from Rey's hands and putting it back on the shelf. "You're deflecting, though. Your friendship with Ben is always so weird to people you try to date — you do see that, don't you?"

"I don't know why. It's fine. If I wanted to be with Ben, I'd be with Ben. But I don't. So he's not a threat to Thomas, or anyone else."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Right. Because it's that simple."

"It is to me," Rey said, shrugging.

Sometimes Rose could be a real pest. Rey loved her deeply, but if anyone was going to stir up questions and make things complicated, it would be her. It didn't help that she was so well settled with Hux. The two were nauseatingly cute together. Rey was happy for her friend in all the best ways, but when Rose got in these moods where she wanted to talk about Ben, Rey sometimes wished that she weren't so happily settled. Then she wouldn't be turning her sights to matchmaking everyone else.

"Are you coming with me tomorrow night to help pick out a tie?" Rose asked her before they parted.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll come. You said dinner would be involved?"

"Obviously."

"Then I'm in."

Rose laughed, gave her a quick hug of parting. "Make an appointment with your doc, okay? I want you overflowing with energy again so you can dance the night away with me at Paige's wedding!"

"I will," Rey promised.

And she did. That afternoon she called the women's health clinic she liked to go to and asked for an appointment. She expected to be deferred a couple weeks, since that's usually how far out they scheduled, but they happily told her they'd had a cancellation and could see her the next morning. She took it. Quick answers were much better than waiting around being so tired.

"Date of last menstrual period?"

The medical assistant looked at her with a neutral, almost bored expression, as she had been throughout most of the intake questions.

Rey blew a long breath of air, squinting as she tried to think. "Uhhh, good question. Let me check my tracker app."

"I just need the first date of your last one."

Rey flicked through her phone, scrolling back a couple months. It had been a few weeks before the virus, but that was no great cause of alarm. She'd been irregular all her life. Extreme malnutrition in puberty, the doctors had said.

She found it, and reported the date.

The MA noted it. "Are you on birth control?"

"Yes," Rey said. "The pill."

She was too afraid of IUD's. Too many horror stories. And the arm implant had plunged her into a dark hormone-induced depression a couple years ago. Ben had demanded she get it removed after she told him that she couldn't feel any sliver of happiness anymore.

The MA gave her an odd look. Rey was at first confused and then — oh. Right. The whole reason she was on the pill was to make her periods regular. Well, and to protect herself against her various romantic escapades, obviously.

"It's really not abnormal for me to miss periods," she assured the other girl. "Even on the pill. My body is kind of defective that way."

The MA didn't say anything, just nodded and typed something on the chart. "Are you sexually active?"

"Um…not for a couple months…" Rey said awkwardly, and then realizing the equivocation meant nothing to the MA, fixed her response. "Yes. I guess the answer is yes."

There was another quick round of typing, and then she came and took Rey's temperature and blood pressure. She noted both in the chart. "Any other questions you have for the doctor today, besides fatigue and appetite changes?"

"Not right now," said Rey.

The MA promised her that the doctor would be in momentarily, and then she left Rey to wait, perched on the edge of the exam table, swinging her feet idly. She wasn't nervous — not really. It was probably nothing. Maybe a lurking genetic time bomb, but more likely just some lingering effect of this strange new virus.

She fidgeted, picking at her cuticles, biting a jagged nail. Another bored minute later and she was reading a drug pamphlet about something supposed to help post menopausal women.

Her phone buzzed and she turned it over.

Ben: Is the day over yet? I need it to be over already.

She grinned.

—Rough morning?

BEN: The worst. Thai tonight?

—I wish. Rose wants to go shopping. She's trying to find a tie for Hux to wear to her sister's wedding. Could go for a night cap, though.

BEN: Sold.

BEN: How did your date go last night?

—It went well. He's nice.

There was a soft knock at the door, so Rey hastily slid her phone into her pocket and sat up straighter.

Doctor Holdo came breezing in, as serene and pleasant and ever. This time she'd dyed her hair a soft lavender. Rey liked Holdo because she wasn't as stuffy as other doctors. And she was a veritable expert in women's health. Rey never felt stupid asking even the most naive questions.

"Good morning, Rey. How're you doing?" she asked with a wide, warm smile.

"Good!" Rey chirped. "I mean, obviously not great, or I wouldn't be here, right?"

Holdo laughed lightly. "That's true, I suppose. So tell me what's going on. You're having some changes in energy levels?"

She sat on her stool and rolled over to the side of the exam table, folding her hands in her lap.

Rey shifted a little and nodded. "Yeah, I'd say pretty big changes. I'm crazy tired, all the time. I've been taking naps, which I never used to do before, but now I can't function without them."

Holdo nodded, her brow furrowing just a hair. "Okay. How are you sleeping at night?"

"Just fine! Really well, actually. I sleep deeply, but it's so hard to wake up in the morning. I'm already tired before I've even begun my day. It feels like no matter how much sleep I get, it's never enough. My body always needs more."

"Hmm. Okay. Do you know if you snore?"

"I've never been told that I snore, no."

"Do you have a family history of sleep apnea?"

"I have no idea." Rey firmly ignored the familiar echo of forlorn wistfulness pinging somewhere in the back of her mind. She was skilled at avoiding these particular feelings.

"Okay. That's fine. We could always send you home with a home oxygen test to see if you're having breathing problems while you sleep. Any changes in diet and exercise?"

So Rey told her about her issues with a persistent metallic flavor in her mouth, and her growing indifference to food.

"Which is maybe the most alarming thing, because I love food."

Holdo laughed. "I remember we've talked about that before."

"Right." Rey smiled. She liked Holdo for this reason too. Her bedside manner was amazing. She remembered everything about her patients. "And beyond that, it's hard to articulate. I just feel off. I don't really have better words than that to describe it."

"Well," Holdo said, drawing in a deep breath. Her brows lifted. "The fatigue thing could be definitely be attributed to sleep apnea, like I said, or an illness. The appetite changes too. But I'll be honest, my gut thinks that this sounds hormonal. Your vitals looked good. Mind if I check your ears and throat? Listen to your lungs?"

"Not at all."

After a quick peek and listen, and feeling the lymph nodes in Rey's throat, Holdo sat back down and took a look at her chart on the computer. "I don't see any signs of illness. Looks like you already had the virus, didn't you?"

"I did, yeah. Couple months ago."

"We sent you the medication."

"Yes."

"And you feel like you recovered from that alright?"

Rey shifted on the table, drawing an uncertain breath. "I thought so? I was feeling fine for a while after…it's just in the last couple weeks that all this has all started out of the blue."

Holdo's attention caught on something on the computer screen. "Oh. Huh. Tell me about your period. Looks like you've missed a couple."

"Well, I had some spotting a couple weeks after the quarantine, right about the time I was supposed to have my period, but it didn't really ever properly start, so I didn't know if I should count that. But I did bleed a little. It was just last month that I missed, but that's normal for me."

"And you're on the pill."

"I am," Rey assured her.

Holdo entertained an amused look. "Periods don't just vanish on the pill, hun. Even with your history, that's highly unusual. Any chance you could be pregnant?"

"No," Rey said quickly.

"Are you sexually active?"

Again, that question. She shifted on the table. "Not for a couple months."

Holdo's amusement grew and she gave her this funny little smile. "It's an indelicate question, I know, but are you having vaginal intercourse with someone who was assigned male at birth?"

"Um..." Rey blushed now. "That's my preference, yeah, but like I said, it's been a while."

"So, the thing is, any time there's penile penetration, you run the risk. What's a while? When was the last time?"

"Penile penetration," Rey winced. "That phrasing..."

Holdo laughed. "I know, I'm sorry. There are plenty of ways to do it, but only this one matters for our purposes today, which is why I want to be clear. Do you remember the last encounter?"

"Yeah." Of course she did. She always remembered when it was with him. She cleared her throat. "It was during the quarantine."

Holdo's brows — purple too, though darker than her hair, lifted almost all the way to her hairline. "Okay. Well. Hun, I think we should probably have you take a test. Are you okay to give a urine sample?"

"W-why?" Rey stammered, suddenly flooded with nervousness she did not have before. This wasn't the turn she'd expected this appointment to take. "I didn't miss any doses. Honestly, I'm not pre—pregnant. I literally can't be. It was so long ago, and I was protected."

Holdo's smile became more gentle, and, Rey thought, maybe a little pitying too. "The anti-viral meds you're given to combat the illness can compromise the integrity of oral contraceptives. You likely weren't protected for the week or so that you were taking them."

"What?" Rey gasped, horrified. "I've never heard of that! Why don't they tell you that?"

"It's in the drug information sheet that comes with the prescription," Holdo said apologetically. "But I agree, it really should be made common knowledge. I have a feeling we might see a lot of quarantine babies in a few months."

Rey's mind flashed quickly through the memories of Ben. Ben everywhere. Ben every day, a couple times a day for the last few of their isolation. She felt suddenly a little sick.

"But we…we were double covered…"

No. No they weren't, she realized. She never was with Ben.

With any other partner she ever had, yes, she insisted on it. Because the pill didn't cover all bases, and she wasn't interested in catching anything from anyone. Even if they thought they were clean, she made them wrap it. Besides, there was something about going without that was too intimate. And it had been like that with Ben too long ago. But somewhere along the way, she'd relaxed her rule, and so had he. The first time that happened, he'd been embarrassed after. He said he was a huge stickler for safety, and apologized for getting so caught up. He'd never gotten that lost in the moment before. Strangely, she'd been okay with it, and told him so. She reassured him that she was protected, that it was fine, it was the same for her too. After that, it just kind of became their thing. With everyone else, they were extra cautious. With each other…

With each other, everything was different.

"If he was wearing a condom then it's highly unlikely," Holdo said encouragingly. "But according to your last menstrual date, you would have been ovulating about that time. And your symptoms do fit, so it'd be good to at least rule out the possibility. It's a quick test. We'll have the results back in a couple minutes. And if it's negative, then we'll maybe run some bloodwork and see what's going on, huh?"

"Okay," Rey said, soft and uncertain. Her heart pumped too hard in her chest, fleeing the sudden fear churning in her gut. She tried not to think about the possibilities of this apparently cursed timetable Holdo had outlined as she followed the woman out of the exam room. Holdo showed her where the bathroom was and then drifted off to look in on another patient.

Rey almost couldn't go. She was too nervous. Her body wouldn't release. But she managed to leave a sample cup in the little two-way cupboard with her name scribbled on the side, and then washed her hands and fled back to the exam room.

The next couple minutes were agony, trying to talk herself down with any shred of hope she had left. She'd been fine until now. Didn't women start getting sick and throwing up their breakfasts? Didn't they cry a lot? And didn't they complain about their boobs hurting? She didn't have those things. She was just tired. And she had a bad taste in her mouth. And like Holdo said, those things could be an illness. It was probably nothing. A really bad synchronization of events, possibly, but nothing more than a scare.

She wanted to text someone. Who? Not Ben. Rose, maybe? But what was there even to say yet? No need to drag someone else into this frightening what-if when she had probably nothing to worry about at all.

She sat there in barely suppressed panic for what felt like eternity. The clock on the wall had to be lying. It moved so slowly. Barely ten minutes past before Holdo returned, but she felt like she had aged a lifetime. Her nerves had frayed to bits in those endless minutes.

When Holdo came in, Rey couldn't read her expression. Couldn't detect anything amiss at all. The doctor's smile was serene as ever. She sat on her stool and wheeled in close again, just as before.

"Alright. How're you doing, sweetie?"

"Uhm," Rey said, hating the way her voice shook. "Little nervous."

"Perfectly normal." Holdo's smile was gentle. "I won't leave you guessing anymore. I have your results."

Rey steeled herself.

"You are pregnant, Rey."

The whole world lurched several degrees right out from under her feet, and Rey felt like she was falling. The sentence cascaded around her, little burning meteors of impossibility. Her mind spun, her heart stopped, her breath — how did she make air move through her lungs, again?

"Sweetie," Holdo said, taking her hand. "It's okay. In and out, keep breathing. You're going to be okay."

Before she even knew what was happening or how to process it, Rey's eyes were filling with tears. "I'm not…" she said in a broken whisper. "I can't be…"

"That's alright." Holdo squeezed her hand tighter. "I know this is big news. You have plenty of options. I'll help you any way that I can. You're going to be alright, Rey."

Options.

Yes, there were options.

Rey exhaled slowly, trying to reel herself back in. She felt shaky and desperate. "I need to think. I need…I…"

"Do you have a support system?" Holdo asked so gently. "Family?"

"No family."

"Friends? Is the father in the picture?"

The father. Rey didn't know if she wanted to scream or sob, thinking about Ben now. Her casual friends-with-benefits. The father.

"Yes," she whispered instead. "I have people."

Holdo nodded, reassured. "Talk to them. Don't be alone with this news. Tell someone you can trust. Whatever you decide, you shouldn't go through it alone."

A few minutes later, Rey was walking out of the office ready to throw up. At least now she knew where the uneasy stomach had come from, though in this very minute she thought it was probably due more to stress than anything else.

She sat in her car and stared at the steering wheel, numb.

Pregnant.

A thing was inside her. A little nub of a thing. A thing that Ben had put there.

With trembling hands, she pulled out her phone and sent him a follow-up text.

—Hey, I'm canceling on Rose. Still up for Thai?

His reply was instantaneous.

BEN: Always.

BEN: Wait, why are you canceling?

—I've had a weird morning too. I don't feel like picking out ties tonight. Can we meet as soon as you're done with work?

BEN: Sure. I always leave hungry. Are you ok?

—Not sure, honestly.

BEN: What's wrong? Do you need me to come get you? Where are you?

—No, I don't. It's fine. I'm out running some errands. I gotta get home to finish a deadline though. I'll tell you all about it tonight.

BEN: Ugh, that's not cryptic at all.

BEN: Now I'm going to be worrying about you all day. Just tell me.

—I'm fine! It's too much to text. I'll tell you later.

It wasn't too much to text. It was two lines, maximum. But she wasn't going to drop this kind of bombshell on him through a goddamn text.

BEN: You know calling does still exist, right?

—Don't you dare. I'll send you to voicemail, stg.

BEN: Fine. Poor sport. I'll see you at 5:30, then. The place by your apartment. I like their massaman best.

—I know you do. 5:30.

She glanced at the clock. It wasn't even noon yet. How was she going to get through the rest of the day without losing her mind?