A/N: Apologies for not getting this one up yesterday. It was weekly grocery shopping day and everybody's panic buying meant I had to go to four different stores to be able to get what we needed. Madness. I was too exhausted to write after all that.

Anyway, Ben's POV was incredibly tricky because this boy has A LOT of feelings and I couldn't let him give them all away too early.

Enjoy!

Content Warnings:

A little steam. Still T-rated.

Chapter Five: Unmade

"Well, well, if it isn't the prince himself," said Gwen, casting Ben an arched brow when he walked into the office around 1pm that afternoon.

She was at her assistant's desk, the two of them going over some documents or other, providing her a perfect view of the door when he came in.

Gwen was Armitage's sister, and Ben's favorite coworker. The tall, broad blond was snarky and no-nonsense and extremely good at her job. Everything Ben valued in a workmate. He didn't even mind that she was the one to call him out on his extreme tardiness this day.

When he just flashed her a smirk and walked on past, she scrambled to follow. "You do know the rest of us could get fired for showing up four hours late? And how it looks when you just waltz in here expecting to get away with it?"

"Nepotism sucks," he acknowledged coolly, searching himself and finding not even a flicker of remorse.

She snorted. "Lucky for you I know it works against you as often as it saves you. Luke has been going nuts this morning."

"He called me." Several dozen times, actually. Ben had been surreptitiously ignoring every message and incoming call all day. "Has he made life a living hell around here for all of you without me to take out his frustrations on?"

"He's definitely been unpleasant, but most of his rage was still directed to you. Or the ghost of you. Where the hell have you been?"

"A doctor's appointment," he said.

"Why didn't you put it on your schedule? Kaydel had no idea what to tell Luke when he went raging around trying to find you."

Ben shrugged. "Guess I forgot."

He definitely did forget. He'd known about this appointment for two days. He could have alerted someone and avoided causing all this trouble, but to do that he'd have had to actually care. Which, he really didn't.

"You definitely owe her an apology," said Gwen, pursing her lips.

"I will apologize, and order her some of those fancy chocolates she likes." Ben didn't mind doing that for his long-suffering assistant. And he'd make sure to put the next appointment Rey scheduled for a month from now onto his schedule to avoid a repeat scenario. He considered the subtle purr of contentment rolling around inside him at the thought of that next appointment as he and Gwen rounded the corner and arrived at said assistant's desk.

Kaydel Connix was frowning at him. He knew he deserved it, but he really couldn't bring himself to feel bad about what he'd done.

"Hi," she said glumly. "You have a stack of messages."

He took them from her. "Thank you. Kaydel, I'm sorry I didn't put my appointment this morning on the schedule and that you had to deal with the fallout. I promise to make it up to you."

Kaydel shrugged and said nothing. Gwen rolled her eyes at the insincere, practically scripted apology and followed Ben right into his office.

It wasn't like Gwen to meddle in other people's affairs. Of the group, she was the least meddlesome, actually. So why was still buzzing around like this?

"Do you need something?" he asked her.

Gwen gave him a dirty look. "Fine, I won't catch you up on the changes to the presentation Luke demanded. It's not like we have to finish it today or anything."

The presentation. Ben groaned and fell into his chair. His head was not in this today. It wasn't in it yesterday, or the day before either, not since Rey told him her news, but especially not today. His soul was too busy soaring somewhere in the atmosphere, high off this most unexpected change that had come into his life. The reminder of this woefully mundane presentation was like an anchor yanking him back down.

He brushed it off. No, he wouldn't let Luke or work ruin his good day.

The best day.

The day he heard the sound of his future.

"Alright, what do I need to know?" he asked, shielding his excellent mood from the inevitable downer that the rest of the day would be. He parceled up his feelings from this morning and set them aside to be examined more tenderly later when he was alone.

Perhaps glimpsing the resolve in his countenance, Gwen nodded approvingly and put her tablet onto his desk to show him what she'd worked up.

Ben accessed his well of focus, going over ideas with Gwen, tweaking what he'd already worked on to flow better with her changes, funneling what was left of himself into his work. He succeeded. He was productive. Very productive. Even when Gwen went back to her office, he kept going without distraction, doing some of his best work. It surprised him. And pleased him. And when Luke finally came around, Ben was ready for his wrath.

And wrath it was.

His uncle stormed into his office full of the familiar fury Ben had come to expect from him, and so much more. His blue eyes blazed with icy fire.

"Where the hell were you this morning?" he shouted.

Obviously he wanted the whole office to know that Ben was being taken to task for his unacceptable tardiness.

"Doctor appointment," Ben said again, cool as a cucumber. Once more he tried and failed to find even an ounce of regret. Putting in arbitrary hours in the office held no meaning at all compared to what he'd chosen to do instead. And he found it immensely satisfying that he could tell them this truth and they weren't allowed to ask him any more about it. Having a secret like this was delightful. It made him feel smug.

"Oh really?" Luke didn't believe him at all. "An appointment you didn't put on your schedule?"

"Yep."

Ben wasn't even trying to save his own skin. He didn't care at all what his uncle thought. Luke didn't keep Ben around because of any sense of obligation to family. He'd fire his nephew in a heartbeat if he got too fed up. Ben knew this, but he wasn't worried about it. He'd been preparing for that scenario for a while now.

The thing was, Ben was good at his job. Excellent, even. His clients always saw enormous profit boosts after hiring him, and he had built a powerful reputation for Luke's firm and himself. Ben knew how to manipulate public perception, which was why he'd been a natural fit for this career in public relations. And he'd excelled the way few people did.

The talent for it ran in the family, apparently, because Luke had been in the business long before Ben came into the picture. He had his own modest firm. When Ben was in school and showing such promising talent, Luke excitedly brought him on board. He thought they would be a good team. They were, admittedly. Together they built up Luke's business until they were one of the most reputable teams in the whole industry. Prestigious companies hired them to manage their public relations, and many of them were directly under Ben's supervision now.

He knew these clients would follow him if he started his own firm. When he drafted his contracts, he always managed to introduce subtle language that would subvert any non-competition clauses Luke included, so Ben could defend his siphoning of clients in court if it got that ugly.

Not that he would start his own firm unless Luke pushed him to it — but he was ready, if it came to that.

Maybe Luke knew, because as furious as he got with Ben's sometimes flagrantly disrespectful attitude, he never did try to fire him.

Gwen and the others thought it was nepotism. In truth it was because Ben had made himself far too valuable to lose, and that had nothing to do with blood.

So for right now he let Luke rant at him, yelling and gesturing and swearing and getting all worked up. It all rolled right off Ben. Normally, he would rankle and chafe under this kind of treatment, and he'd endure it with thinly veiled annoyance. Today, however, he was impervious. His body was here, but his mind and heart drifted elsewhere, across the city, where a little heart beat so fast and new.

Today, Ben was untouchable.

"If you're done," he told Luke calmly when his uncle finally exhausted all his bluster and just defaulted to indignant glaring, "I'll show you the rest of the presentation."

Luke sneered. "Right, like you actually worked on it. I don't know where you head is at, Ben, but the meeting is tomorrow."

"Gwen and I finished it."

At this, Luke cut himself off. He looked startled, and then annoyed. That's how Ben knew he'd won this little encounter. It knocked Luke right off the high ground. So Ben showed him, and sat back in satisfaction as his uncle looked it over with increasing approval.

"This is good," Luke said after a minute.

Because for as much of a pain as his uncle was, he wasn't too prideful to admit quality work when he saw it.

"Really good. They're going to love this."

"I know," said Ben. "Gwen had some good points about our positioning. I think this angle works better."

"I agree," Luke murmured, flicking through another slide.

There came a soft knock on the doorframe. Both men lifted their heads, and then jerked to their feet.

"Leia!" Luke said in surprise.

Ben's mother stood there in the doorway, watching them with a little smile on her face. Slight of frame, big of presence. "I expected to find you two in here yelling at each other. I'm shocked."

"You're a few minutes too late for that," said Ben. He quickly crossed the room to greet her, like the well-trained son she expected. She pulled him in for a brief hug. She was so tiny, he really had to hunch down to do it properly. "Hi, Mom. Shouldn't you be in class?"

"I got worried! Luke sent me a text this morning asking if I knew where you were. Why didn't you answer my call? And where did you go?" she asked, a not-so-subtle note of reproach laced into her words.

"He was at the doctor," Luke scoffed. "If you can believe it."

"Sorry, Mom," said Ben. "I didn't want to be rude, talking on the phone in the waiting room."

"Well you could have at least sent me a text to let me know you were alright," she said, frowning. "What's wrong? Why did you have to go to the doctor?"

A hiccup in his excuse, he realized. His mother, not being a coworker or at all affiliated with the company, wasn't bound by HR protocols. She could ask anything she wanted. And with amusement he wondered what would happen if he just told her the truth. Mom, turns out I made an olive. Rey's working on turning it into a baby. Congrats, grandma.

He wondered if she'd pass out with shock or just break out the vuvuzela and start riverdancing her joy.

But Rey wasn't ready for anyone to know. And Ben wouldn't do that to her. He liked keeping it between them for now. So instead he just said mildly, "I'm fine. Just following up with some things after the virus. Making sure everything is good."

"And is it?"

Ben smiled bigger than the question deserved. He couldn't help himself. "It's great."

His mother cocked her head, giving him a puzzled, intrigued look.

"You didn't really ditch your class to come here and make sure your son was alive," Luke said skeptically, interrupting whatever analysis she was trying to make. "So why are you here?"

Leia grinned a cheeky little grin. She was definitely up to some mischief, then. She patted her son's arm. "No, but I am glad to know he is, since he doesn't feel it important to let me know these things himself. What I'm doing here doesn't concern you, brother mine. I just brought someone by to introduce to Ben."

Ben winced.

Another one of his mom's infamous attempts at matchmaking, then.

Luke groaned. "Leia, you can't just keep showing up at my office with women you want him to go out with. This isn't a dating service. We actually do important work here."

Leia waved dismissively at him. "As if spinning some CEO's lewd affair into a story of how he rescues kittens from snake farms is important work. Ben has said that he won't ask someone out he's never met, and since he doesn't come by ever, I have to bring them to him."

"Leave the kid alone," Luke insisted. "He'll find a wife when he's good and ready. I eventually found Mara, didn't I?"

"I happen to want grandchildren," Leia said, leveling him with one of her fierce looks. "You took so long finding Mara that your balls dried up and fell off, you haggard ole geezer. I'm not waiting around for that to happen to my son. If I find a nice girl I think he might get along with, I'm setting them up. Just try to stop me."

"Whoa, okay, okay," Ben chuckled, because hearing his mother insult her brother always gave him great pleasure. He got between the testy twins. "Fine, Mom. Tell me about this one."

His mother's face softened when she turned her attention to him. She patted his chest appreciatively. "She's great, son. She's a CPA, very driven, independent, likes to learn, cheerful. And she likes movies as much as you do! Isn't that great? I'm sure you'll have lots to talk about."

"And how do you know this one?" Luke grouched.

Leia shot him a look. "Her father as an old friend of mine."

Everybody's parent was an old friend of hers. It often felt like Ben couldn't go anywhere without meeting someone who knew his mother. She made a name for herself. She once ran the most powerful political think tanks in the nation as one of the most prestigious political strategists, before she got bored, retired from that, finished her PhD, and snagged herself a tenured position at the local university. Now even the young knew her too. Ben was always meeting people who gushed about his mother when she learned whose son he was.

"Fine," he said with a touch of resignation. "Let's meet her then."

He followed her out to the lobby, much to Luke's incredulity. His uncle knew how Ben felt about these introductions. It was maybe the only thing the two of them agreed on. Standing awkwardly in the middle of the room waited a young woman probably near his own age. She was tall, as tall as him, with a long jet-black ponytail hanging almost to her waist. And as striking as her significant height was her beauty, with wide full lips, high, sharp cheekbones, and alluring brown eyes. Great body. She looked like she could be a model, and Ben wondered idly why she chose to be something as boring as a CPA instead.

"Ben, this is Aayla. Aayla, this is my son, Ben."

She extended a hand. Ben took it.

"It's nice to meet you," he said lightly.

His mother's timing couldn't have been worse. A day earlier and he might have indulged her whims by asking this woman out. After today, though, Ben was certain his dating days were over. At least for the next six to twelve months. He could academically assess this woman's physical attractiveness without even the faintest flicker of interest. Whatever she had to offer, it couldn't be better than what he already had.

"So Leia tells me you're in PR," Aayla said brightly. "That's so interesting!"

Was it? Ben didn't always think so.

"I enjoy it," he said diplomatically. "And you're a CPA?"

"I am!"

Riveting.

They chatted for a minute. It was awkward. Leia supplied conversation aid when they faltered. Ben's phone buzzed in his pocket. His fingers twitched for it, but he made himself abstain. If it were Rey, and he hoped it was, he'd want to answer immediately and then later his mother would lecture him about being rude. So he endured the conversation with the itch of an unread message in the back of his mind.

Finally the pretense was over, and Aayla gave him her business card, which also had her cell on it. She told him to call her, thanked Leia, and then left.

Leia turned to him expectantly. "See? Aren't you glad I brought her by? She's nice, isn't she?"

Ben didn't feel like leading his mother to false hope. "Mom, I'm not going to call her."

"Why not? Isn't she pretty enough for you? Smart enough? Why are you such a snob when it comes to women?"

"I'm not a snob. I'm just not interested."

"Ben," Leia sighed. "You have to get over Bazine. It's been long enough since you two broke up, this moping isn't appropriate anymore. And she wasn't for you, son. You can do so much better."

It amused Ben that his mother thought he felt any grief at all over breaking up with Bazine. In truth, he hadn't given it a second thought even once since it happened. Baz had gotten fed up with his relatively apathetic attitude and their lack of progress. She wanted to get engaged. He didn't. She gave him an ultimatum. He shrugged.

He shrugged himself right out of that relationship. It wasn't sad.

In fact, he'd celebrated a few days later by finally sleeping with Rey again. It had been over a year, and he was slowly dying a painful death without it. Ben was just enough of an asshole to sleep with someone right after breaking up with his girlfriend, but he wasn't the kind of guy who'd ever cheat. So Rey was off limits while either them were involved with other people. It was a testament to his restraint that he didn't go running into her bed that very night, but rather made himself wait a couple days.

She'd asked if it was a consolation thing. He was honest. He said no, he wasn't sorry about Baz. It was because he had missed her. That effectively ended her inquiry. And Ben finally found relief. Baz didn't do it for him the way Rey did. Nobody did. It wasn't a chore with her that way it was with everyone else. With her it was...divine. A power like life itself.

Apparently that's exactly what it was.

"Just think about it, okay?" Leia sighed in exasperation when his silence went on and on.

He put Aayla's card in his pocket. "I'll think about it, but don't get your hopes up."

"When are you coming to dinner again? Your father and I miss you. It's been too long."

Ben shrugged. He was good at that. "Sometime. I've just been busy."

"You could squeeze us into one of your weekends," she said reproachfully. "Maybe this one?"

"Not this one. Soon, though, I promise."

Ben loved his parents. He really did. But his relationship with his father was tense sometimes — they weren't great at communicating — and his mother's ambitions for him were burdensome. Besides, she always wanted Luke and Mara to join them for big family dinners. Ben got more than enough Luke at work, he didn't need another dose in his free time.

Funny enough, when he was in a relationship, his family saw more of him. Dinners were good excuses to use up time on the weekends. Took the pressure off. Allowed him to get out of boyfriend obligations.

When Ben wasn't with anyone, he didn't feel the need to escape anything. So he didn't go as much. He wondered how this new development, Rey's little secret, would change all of that. At some point he would have to tell them. And then? Did he start bringing Rey to weekend dinners? And if so, what did that mean? More importantly, what would she think it meant?

A melancholy image flitted through him, of a version of himself, still single, bringing his baby to those dinners by himself during his allocated time. What would he get? Weekends? Every other week?

He felt a little disgruntled as he walked back to his desk after saying goodbye to his mother. Luke had gone off to do whatever. Ben sat and stared blankly at his computer screen. He took out Aayla's card and threw it in the trash. His phone buzzed again in his pocket, and then again, and again. Jeez, what was the crisis? He remembered the one from earlier, and that it might be from Rey, and suddenly he couldn't get it out fast enough.

There was one group message, still blowing up with replies, and one from Rey. He clicked the latter.

Rey: Hey

He replied quickly, even though it had been a long time since she sent it and she might not be near her phone anymore. He hoped it hadn't been urgent. But she'd have called if it were something like that, right?

—Is for horses.

It took only a few seconds.

Rey: Har har har

— You used to think I was funny

Rey: Years ago. I was a tender lil undergrad too afraid to not laugh at your bad dad jokes.

—Guess I was just practicing.

She sent that shocked, blushing emoji. He smirked at his phone and leaned back in his chair, kicking his feet up on the desk to settle in for what he hoped would be a nice long conversation.

—How are you?

Rey: Scandalized

—Ha, sorry. I meant how are you after...everything.

Rey: Good. Did you get in trouble?

—Nothing I can't handle.

Rey: Did you get fired?

—Lol, no.

She was slower to respond to that. Maybe the conversation was done. He kept flicking away the group text notifications, mildly irritated with them. He should probably just check to see what everyone was talking about, but this was more interesting. He sent a follow up.

—Have you been able to focus on work? Because it's been a real struggle here.

Rey: Yeah, same. I just feel so weird.

—Sick weird?

Rey: No. Emotionally. Like I don't know how to keep living life normally.

Yeah. Ben understood that feeling very well.

Everything had changed since she told him. Everything.

Ben liked to think of his mind, or maybe his heart, or both, as a well-organized storage room. He had boxes for everything. His parents and their messy relationship fit neatly into a box. His friends, into a box. His work, its own. Luke, another. A stint with a therapist once revealed that he was excellent at compartmentalization. He preferred keeping his feelings neatly organized this way, and if he needed to, he could take a box down and examine its contents. With dinner with his family, for example, he'd take down their boxes and let all that mess spill out, then tidily put it away again at the end of the night. Girlfriends didn't really get a dedicated box. They just kind of got shuffled into existing spaces. Rey had her own box, though. Because…because she did.

But that night at the Thai restaurant. With her terrified confession. It had blown him wide open. Like an eruption, a hurricane, inside him. And now everything was in disarray. Nothing made sense, everything was altered, emotions were on overdrive, and his heart hadn't stopped racing since she uttered those words. The world continued on as normal and demanded that he keep going in the same way, but it was disorienting to do so because he wasn't the same person he was before he got that news. His view of himself, his ideas for the future, his homeostasis, all of it was lost somewhere in the jumble and he had no idea how to sort through everything. It wasn't bad, in fact Ben experienced a gut-deep thrill when he thought of it, but it was still internal chaos.

He remained absolutely certain of only one thing. A thing he wasn't allowed to look at. It was the only box he'd managed to put back on the shelf, because she needed him to.

Rey: Can I ask you for something?

—Yep.

Rey: It's awkward.

—Need me to rub your cankles?

Rey: No! I don't have cankles!

—Did you get stuck in the toilet?

Rey: …That only happened one time!

—Did you flick a booger onto the ceiling and now you need someone tall to come wipe it off?

Rey: ? You are so weird?

—I'm trying to think of things that might be awkward for you to ask.

Rey: Well it's not anything like that, but it is still embarrassing.

—Doubt it. Try me.

The three ellipses indicating her reply was being written appeared and disappeared several times. Ben watched them come and go with growing amusement. This girl really didn't understand that she could ask him to stand on a bed of hot coals for her and he'd do it.

Rey: Okay, here goes. And please don't read too much into it. I'm just…I'm feeling so different and... happy? I think. But…I also I kind of don't want to be alone. Can we have a sleepover tonight?

He laughed. Kaydel looked up from her desk and threw him a strange glance.

—See? I was right. That is not embarrassing. Of course we can. My place or yours?

She sent a huge grinning emoji.

Rey: I don't know. I have better food. You have a better bed.

—That I do. Pack up some things you want to eat. Only the healthy stuff we got today, none of your sugar cereal! And meet me there after work.

Rey: Okay!

Gwen poked her head into his office. "So are you coming?"

"Where?" Ben asked, looking up from his phone. "Where are we going?"

"What are you even doing on that thing, you doofus?" She shook her head. "The group text? Poe is throwing a party with all of us this weekend before Paige's wedding. A last hurrah, he says. As if she's going anywhere. Aren't you reading any of this?"

"Oh. I was talking to someone else." He finally opened the group message and had to scroll back a ridiculous ways to find the beginning.

Gwen sighed. "Just tell me you're coming. It's going to be awful and I need someone to commiserate with me in a corner."

Ben smirked at her. He knew the friends' dynamic was a little…hyper for her taste. It was for his too. Poe had started bringing him around all those years ago because of Jess, and a couple years later when Ben was inextricably part of the friend circle, he started bringing Gwen and Armitage Hux around in turn. Rose and Armie hit it off instantly, and their fast, intense relationship had sealed his spot as a permanent figure. Gwen kept coming because she didn't really know what else to do with herself. She and Ben were both a little awkward amidst all those extroverts. At least Ben had Rey, though.

"I'm pretty sure I'm going," he mused. "Don't worry."

"You'd better. Rey already replied and said she was coming too, if that helps persuade you." Gwen turned to leave again. She tossed over her shoulder, "You should say something in the group chat. Everyone thinks you're mad that your phone is blowing up."

Ben did just that. When she left, he sent a quick message saying he'd be there.

He glanced at the clock. One hour to go. Just one. He could do this.

Ben used the drive home to mentally prepare himself.

It was a necessary ritual. One he went through every time he knew he was going to be getting physical with Rey, and he suspected that was part of her plan tonight. He didn't have evidence to show for it — in fact he had a lot to suggest that wouldn't be on the menu, like her waning energy, her low-level nausea, and the huge fallout from what had happened last time they did — but still, the inkling nagged at his thoughts and told him he needed to be careful anyway. He always needed to be careful around her.

Their relationship was a strange thing. A precious and important thing, but strange. Fragile, maybe. Or maybe not, but he was too afraid of losing her to find out. So he had to watch his words, and his actions, and let her guide the mood so that he didn't jeopardize what they had.

Especially while he was physical with her. That was when it was most dangerous. The wiring between his brain and his mouth was always compromised in that position, and he found himself saying all kinds of intense things. He was afraid he'd say too much, go too far, and ruin it all.

Now he felt more at risk of that than ever.

So he went through the motions of his ritual, reminding himself of what was at stake, talking up his self-control, making sure that box of hers was securely on the shelf, trying to find zen or mindfulness or whatever it was called. By the time he got home, he felt better prepared to face her.

Until he saw her.

She sat on the hood of her car, waiting, nibbling from one of the cans of assorted nuts he'd gotten for her earlier. When she spotted him, she scrambled off and grabbed her bag of things.

Rey wasn't an untouchable gorgeous bombshell. She was better. Adorable and approachable in all the best ways, but there was also something to her beauty that was a little bit wild. Like she didn't quite belong here, among the tame and civilized. The rebellious flare of an unloved child. That faint scattering of freckles, barely a suggestion in these winter months, and those pert little lips begged to be kissed, but the glint in her eye and the thread of steel at the edge of her mouth suggested it that would be a dangerous risk to take. Ben had never been brave enough to take it.

There was something else now, though. Purely fabricated in his mind's eye, of course, because if he didn't know, he wouldn't see anything different about her at all. But he did know. So his gaze trailed down from the subtle, new hint of vulnerability in her face to the curve of her hips, taking in this slender, strong body he'd come to know so well. It was impossible to tell by looking at her what it was she hid from the world. For now. Something inside him throbbed hungrily when he wondered how the familiar shape of her would change with the burden he had given her.

"What, are you looking for those cankles?" she accused almost playfully, raising a brow.

He smirked. "Maybe. What's your secret? Something's different about you, Johnson. Can't put my finger on it."

She grinned. "I'll never tell."

"Says Demeter tending her garden, waiting for her acolyte to worship her."

"I didn't — that's not what this is! I'm not asking you—"

Ben chuckled, soft and low the way he knew she liked. His hand found the small of her back as the other took her bag from her. "Are you trying to tell me you didn't come over here to be admired and worshipped?"

God he loved that blush. "Um...maybe."

"Good. Because I was there this morning. I saw what you are. And that's exactly what's going to happen."

She peeked around before giving him a nervous little smile. "Maybe we should get inside before you start that."

"And find some food," he agreed.

Ben lived in an upscale little condo community, much nicer than Rey's apartment building. The demographics were, perhaps, a little old for him. Most of his neighbors were middle-aged professionals with no children or adult children, a few older couples and no tolerance for noisy disruptions to everyone's peace. That meant there was nobody his own age to befriend here. And that was just fine. Ben preferred this. It was quiet and safe. Rey liked it too, he knew from previous visits.

"My mom tried to set me up with someone today," he said conversationally as they walked to his door and he unlocked it. Part of it was idle chit-chat. The other part, something deeper and darker inside him, wanted to see her reaction.

Her mouth, that irresistible mouth, tightened but did not frown. Her face was carefully impassive. "Oh?" she said a little too casually. "What happened?"

"I talked to her. She seemed nice, I guess. But I'm not jumping into any new relationships right now. Kind of hard to get something started when you feel morally obligated to disclose the existence of your baby mama."

Rey laughed. It was a loud, surprised thing. Ben reveled in it. They went inside where Ben carried her bag directly to the kitchen and began to unload the precious few foods she'd brought with her. He really should stock up himself too. Then he could accommodate these sleepovers whenever she needed them.

"I suppose that's true," she conceded, following him, and he saw a rosy tinge in her cheeks again. "I'm sorry to have derailed your mom's plans for you."

"Oh, are we going to fight about who's fault it is again?"

She hummed. "I could probably be convinced to drop the argument entirely..."

The suggestion in her voice made him look up from the bag of spinach he'd just pulled out. She watched him with a sly, heated look he hadn't expected to find until later. It surprised him. "You don't want to eat first?"

His hind brain was begging him not to postpone her obviously eager mood for something as trivial as food. But it wasn't trivial for her. And that was the whole point. So he had to bring it up, because...because he was trying to be good...

"No." She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, giving him a bashful but not very innocent sort of smile. "I was too embarrassed to ask it before, so I said the thing about the sleepover, but what I really want...I've been thinking about it all day..."

Ben wasted no time dropping the spinach, striding directly to her and hauling her up and over his shoulder. She laughed, but didn't protest, her hands sliding into his back pockets instead. He marched upstairs with full purpose.

This wasn't exactly how he thought the evening would go, he suspected she wanted it but didn't think that would come until after they were already in bed, but he'd be an idiot to put her off just so he could romance her back into the mood later. Rey knew what she wanted. And it was his job to provide.

He flopped her down onto his bed. The second she hit the mattress, she started pawing at him.

"Whoa," he huffed, "Slow down, sweetheart, there's no rush."

"Don't call me that," she growled.

He stared at her lips, the way her tongue flicked over them to wet them, quivering with her impatient breaths as her hands tugged on his shirt. He so badly wanted to kiss her, but that was off limits. A much worse infraction than his use of a too-intimate pet name.

"Please, Ben," she prompted.

His hands began to wander, grazing her skin tenderly, worshipfully, as he had promised.

"What's gotten you all worked up?" he rumbled as he bent to kiss her jaw instead of her mouth.

"You," she confessed.

"What did I do?" he urged. This was important information to know, so he could manage a repeat performance.

"You're good at this," she gasped as he kissed down her throat.

"I know," he laughed.

"No, you arrogant idiot," she laughed. "I meant this morning. All of it."

"Oh." Even with his mental storage thrown into disarray, Ben tended to focus on one thing at a time, and he struggled to even remember this morning. Was it the part where he got her a smoothie? Or the balloon glove thing?

She stroked her hands through his hair, searching his face in bewilderment and affection. "How are you handling this so well?"

Not telling, thought Ben.

What he said instead was, "Would you like me to freak out instead?"

"No," she breathed. "You're perfect. It's perfect. Don't do anything different."

Ben was only too happy to indulge her. He would have anyway, even if this were not his reward.

He commited to their activities in earnest then, pausing only long enough to wonder, teasingly, if they should use protection lest he accidentally knock her up. She didn't think it was as funny as he did.

Being with her now wasn't very different from before. She was still Rey, and he was still Ben, and she was still the drug he couldn't get enough of. But there was a moment when he found himself transfixed by her, by the smooth plane of her lower abdomen. Almost hypnotically, he slid a hand over the place. The cradle of life. He had wanted to touch her here since she told him, but he hadn't dared. Now he had permission to touch her anywhere, and this is what he chose. He felt the warmth of her skin. Remembered the sound rushing around that little room.

"You really want this," she said in soft wonder, watching him look at the place his hand covered.

"I do," he whispered, meeting her bright hazel eyes.

"Why?"

But Ben only hummed and leaned over her, kissing her cheek in an act that was maybe just a little too close to their predetermined limits. She forgot her question. He didn't.

Not telling, he thought again.

Rey slept deeply.

She was curled on her side, facing away from him. She wasn't much of a cuddler after the fact, Ben knew and normally lamented. She thought it too intimate, when what they were was casual. He thought that if she stayed, if she snuggled in against him and let him hold her until she fell asleep, it might be really nice. But she didn't. And right now it worked to his advantage.

Because Ben wasn't sleepy. Physically worn out and very relaxed, yes. But his mind was alert. He had his phone out, silently checking his mobile banking app. He scrolled through his business and personal accounts to a special savings account he had set aside. The balance was high. Very, very high. He transferred another couple thousand in and then closed the app and opened his browser, navigating to Zillow. He punched in a good area code and began to browse.

As nice as his condo was, it didn't feel like the right place for them. The three of them. He had time. He would figure it out.

Because Ben Solo had a secret too. It lived in that box in his heart, and he wasn't allowed to look at it. Except right now, because Rey had asked him why he wanted this, and he knew exactly why. So he let her slumber peacefully beside him, indulging in the feel of her tucked snug into his bed, two hearts a hairs' breath away from his own, awash in certainty once more. Because his secret was this:

Since the first day he had known her, Ben had been hopelessly in love with his best friend.

xxx

Coming up: A Party. Beans are spilled.