Summary: A lecture, a game, a cuddle

A/N: Auuuughh I'm sorry I didn't get this up yesterday as promised! The freaking 'R' key fell off my keyboard! Too much typing? Anyway, it's incredibly difficult to edit a chapter with a main POV character named Rey without an 'R' key, so I spent last night getting it put back on. It's not great. When my fingers get sweaty it sticks to it and comes off again. Ohhhhh well. Anyway, love you guys and thanks for your patience!

CHAPTER SEVEN: Never Have I Ever

Apparently it wasn't a metaphorical door that had opened at all, but a real one. The important one. Why hadn't either of them heard her come in?

These were the frantic thoughts that raced through Rey's mind in a panicked rush as she scrambled over the back of the couch and dashed to her friend.

"Rose! Rose—" she started.

But Rose was still far too shocked to be ready for an explanation. She latched onto Rey by the shoulders and held her at arm's length. "I must be hallucinating, because I did not hear what I think I just heard."

So much for trying to keep this under wraps. Two people could keep a secret, but three? And when the third was Rose? Rey loved her but she was genuinely terrible with keeping big news to herself. Paige and Finch tried to get her to keep their engagement a secret until Finch could get a proper ring and they could make a public announcement. She hadn't been able to stop herself from blabbing it to the whole friend group. This was a lot bigger news than that.

"I can explain," Rey told her anxiously.

"Well somebody better!" Rose threw a wild look at Ben, who was now standing behind Rey, tense and ready for — what? "Did you say baby? You didn't, did you?"

"I did," Ben began, but before either of them could get another word out, Rose cut them both off with a sharp wave. She looked at Rey like she was nuts, then glanced behind her at the party still going on outside. In a flash she'd grabbed each of them by the hand and hauled them with astonishing strength to one of Poe's guest rooms where she shoved them inside the closed the door behind her.

"Okay," she said, turning around. "See, this is the kind of privacy you two should be using if you're going to talk about — whatever the hell is happening here. Not out there where any concerned friend who just wanted to check on you could come in and see you halfway to making out on the couch and tossing around nonsense about...some kind of — secret love child..."

"We weren't halfway to—" Rey stopped herself. "Okay, look, calm down. Take a breath."

"I have like a thousand thoughts going through my head right now," Rose said, shaking her head. Her arms dropped to her side and she inhaled a long draught of air. "But okay, I'm listening."

Rey glanced at Ben. He watched them warily, with the expression of someone who'd just knocked something expensive onto the floor and broken it. Technically it was him who'd said that out loud. And Rose was right, it wasn't in a private space at all. Just because they thought they were alone in the house didn't mean it was private — anyone could have walked in. And did, obviously. But Rey wasn't mad at him. He didn't know. She didn't either. They'd both been sucked into their oblivious little world where they forgot anyone else existed.

"I guess we have to tell her," she sighed.

Ben nodded, his gaze flitting away in guilt. "I'm sorry."

"You definitely have to tell me," Rose said, darting a look between them. Then in another fit of passion she suddenly grabbed Rey by the shoulders again and burst, "What the hell is wrong with you?! This whole morning, you didn't say anything, and — and then you getting snippy with me and saying you didn't have feelings for him — and this whole damn time you two have been together?"

"No!" Rey flushed hot. "No! We haven't! We're not—"

Rose deadpanned. "You're not."

Ben made a soft noise of amusement. Rey shot him a look, but his attention was still on the carpet. She rubbed her forehead, sitting on the edge of the bed and trying to figure out how she was going to convince Rose to keep this to herself.

Rose shook her head again, confused. "So I was hallucinating? He didn't say you were having his...baby...?"

"He did."

"So you really are pregnant right now?" Her eyes darted to Rey's middle, as if she expected to find the visual evidence of it already. "There's a real, true baby in there at this very second? Is that what the puking was about?"

"Yes, Rose. Listen, this wasn't something we planned on, it's a surprise to us too. And it's really new. It tuns out the meds they give you for the virus can mess with contraceptives. We didn't know that."

"Holy shit," Rose breathed, eyes widening. "So you two really did screw your way through the quarantine? I mean, we all joked that you would, but you really did."

Rey blushed. "It was two weeks...we got bored..."

"And made a baby." Rose laughed incredulously. "This is some crazy malarky."

"It was an accident."

"An accident," Rose guffawed. "Whoops, sorry I just gave you my powerful baby sauce, didn't mean to do that, even though we've been messing around with this crap for, like, four years."

"Rose," Rey complained, hiding her face in her hands.

"Just don't tell anyone," Ben said, soft but firm. "Please."

"No, no, no, Benny boy, you can't set me up for failure like that. I'm gonna tell Armie," she said. "I could try to promise that I won't, but I'm weak, I know I'll break it. I have to tell him, at least."

Rey sighed. It was as good as out, then. Ben knew it too, because his mouth tightened in a look of resignation. She wondered how long they had until the news traveled around. How long until Hux told Gwen, or Rose broke and told Paige. Could they at least get through the end of this party without the whole world finding out? Rey thought that maybe she could deal with this if everyone found out on their own, through the grapevine, one by one. Then she wouldn't have to face their astonishments and assumptions firsthand.

"So let me get this straight," Rose said carefully when neither of them said anything for a long time. She leveled Rey with a scrutinizing look. "This morning, when you said you weren't open to getting into new relationships right now, this is why?"

"Yeah."

"Because you're knocked up. With his baby. You two are going to be parents together...but also not together."

"I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's true." Rey shrugged. "Nothing is going to change."

"Except the part where you have an actual child together!" Rose laughed again, wildly, incredulously, the laughter of someone who thinks they might be losing their mind. "This is insane. It's insane."

"I know," Rey said. "Trust me, we are both fully aware."

"Are you, though? Because the two of you are acting ridiculously nonchalant about all this."

Rey stood and pulled Rose to the bed, urging her to sit down. "Okay, look, I haven't done a good job at explaining this. I just found out about a week ago. Remember how you urged me to go to the doctor? I did. This was the answer. It was so much to process, so far outside my realm of experience and not at all what I had planned for my life. What you're seeing now is two people who have had a week to process. But we've had our moments of panic, too."

Well, she had anyway. Maybe Ben had too, when he was alone, but he had never let her see it. Every moment she was with him, he seemed calm, ready, embracing his fate with stunning acceptance. He must have some mysterious coping technique, because there was no way it was this easy for him to welcome this new life course. She wanted to know what it was, but the one time she'd tried to ask, he'd provided no answer.

Rey sighed and finished quietly, "We're still figuring everything out. At first it was just trying to decide what to do about it. Now it's about how we manage from here."

"What do you mean what to do about it?" Rose asked, frowning.

"To keep it or not."

Rose glanced between them again, her nose wrinkling, brow furrowing. "Huh? You're seriously trying to tell me you considered not keeping it?"

"Yes." Rey didn't understand why her friend couldn't wrap her head around that. "It's kind of a life-changer."

Ben folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the dresser, silent and observing. If Rey weren't already so keyed in to his presence, she might have been able to forget he was there at all. Apparently he was content to let the two of them talk this through without his input.

"Nah," Rose shook her head. "I don't buy it. You were never gonna abort this kid. Not in a million years."

"But I was." Just for half an hour, at least, she thought that would be the plan. "I honestly thought it would be the best thing. I wasn't about to hold Ben to something he didn't want, and I didn't feel ready to take something like this on either. It was the logical choice."

"So then why didn't you do it?"

A difficult question to answer, even now. Rey didn't have the language to understand the reason, exactly. She only knew that it felt right. Terrifying, but right. And it's what they both wanted. Now, seeing how happy Ben was, she knew the other choice would have had dire consequences for their ability to remain friends.

Her silence was some kind of confirmation for Rose. She nodded. "That's right, you can't tell me why, because you don't have a reason — because you were never going to do it. You two have this ridiculous thing with each other, this honest-to-God adorable but stupid thing with each other. And it involves both of you clinging to denial like it's a life raft. Because of some nonsense about protecting the friendship. You are two idiots with one goddamn braincell, I swear."

"Rose—" she tried to interject.

But Rose mowed right over her. "You wanna know why I know that you were never going to get rid of it? Because you want this. You want his," she pointed at Ben, "baby. That's right, I said it. And I don't mean now, since you found out. I mean all along. No, no, don't try to tell me you haven't. You've been fooling around, playing with fire this whole time because you've secretly wanted something like this to happen. And he's wanted that too. He's wanted to give you a baby. Which is why Mister Upstanding, Mister Always Plays a Paladin in D-and-D over there went along with this madness, both of you in this game of fertility Russian roulette wondering when that birth control of yours was gonna fail. Because your subconscious wants to find a way to bind him to you permanently, and his wants the same. So guess what? It happened. You found the bullet. And I believe you that you didn't know about the meds, and you didn't think this was your plan, but that doesn't change the facts, dear. So now you both get what you wanted, to share a life together, but the messed up thing is that you're doing it in a way where you don't have to resolve your true feelings and actually have a life together. It's batshit crazy, Rey. You two drive me up the wall."

She stood up, shaking her head. "Congratulations. I am happy for you. And you'd better let me be the doting and spoiling auntie because obviously that is my right as your infinitely patient and supportive bestie. But I'm feeling a little annoyed at both of you right now so I'm going to go back to the party and try to forget this madness. I love you, girl." She leaned down to address Rey's middle, "And I love you, little bean, and don't worry, I don't blame you at all for your parents' nonsense."

Then she patted Rey's head, sighed, and then moved towards the door. Before leaving, however, she paused and shot Ben a fierce look. "You need to marry her, Ben."

Rey tried to protest. "Why is that a thing? We don't live in some repressed society where I have to walk around with the letter 'A' sewn into my clothes in punishment for having a bastard child."

Rose rolled her eyes. "I wasn't talking to you."

Ben gave her this funny little expression. Half amused, half rueful, maybe a little weary. Rey had no idea what to make of it. "I offered. She doesn't want it."

That earned Rey a dirty look from Rose and an annoyed, "Pull yourself together, sweetie. I love you, but you're a mess. Figure it out."

With that, she left, closing the door behind her.

Silence enveloped the room. Heavy, dreadfully profound silence. It hung between them, meaningful and so very loud, demanding they speak and fill it. Rey's face felt hot. Rose's exasperated rant, saying those things in front of him, was somehow more embarrassing than puking in front of her friends. She should have made Ben wait outside while she dealt with Rose. Then she might have been able to shrug all this off and pretend it was just typical Rose hyperbole. But he had heard. He'd been caught in the crossfire too. She stared at the carpet and refused to look at him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked very softly.

"Nope."

"Do you just want to go back to the party?"

"Yep."

He nodded, hesitated another moment, and then slowly went to the door of the bedroom and opened it. He waited for her. She stood and moved past him, wondering if she should say anything, but unable to find any words. She headed back outside with him trailing behind.

Rey tried to ignore the gnawing feeling inside her that those words had damned her with truth. At least some truth. She and Ben were inextricably tied now. And maybe there was a part of her that was glad about it. Relieved, even. No matter what happened in the future, even if they found other people, they would always be in each other's lives. She could never permanently lose him now.

It was kind of a messed up way to keep him, though. She probably did need to take a good hard look at herself and figure out what she wanted. Rose was right about that. Because Rey was more and more bothered by the idea of him finding someone else, of another woman in his future. She'd barely been able to swallow her surge of irrational jealousy when he told her about his mother trying to set him up again. But Rey wasn't sure she was ready to assess herself that honestly yet. She was afraid. Ben was so good, so kind, so excited about all of this, that she didn't trust herself to interpret the situation the right way.

Better just to push it down and try to keep moving forward as if everything were normal.

Even though nothing was. But she tried to pretend anyway as they rejoined everyone else. Her incident was largely forgotten already, the merry mood of the group having long since moved on — the only ones who asked if she was feeling better were Finn and Poe. Everyone else left her alone about it, which she was grateful for. She could feel Rose watching her, though. Hux too, though she wondered if that was probably just her own paranoia because it was unlikely Rose had managed to tell him everything already. Except for that, everything seemed to be okay again. The food was finally finished and everyone ate until they were stuffed, then gathered around Poe's fire pit to chat and laugh and tease Paige and Finch as the nearly newlyweds.

Ben's fingers brushed the inside of her wrist, drawing her attention, and he motioned to a long bench out of the way of the smoke. She was glad he still wanted her to sit by him, and that Rose's speech hadn't made him feel too awkward to be around her. Despite everything, there was still nothing so comforting and calming as his presence. So she sat by him, letting her knee fall against his, and her shoulder brush his arm. A subtle thing, but still an attempt to signal to him that she wasn't going to let those words alter her behavior either.

Finn sat down on her other side, Poe in a chair next to him. Across the fire, Rose sat with Hux's hand in her lap. She kept glancing at Rey, like she couldn't help herself. Someone passed around drinks so everyone had something in hand. Ben briefly left her to go fetch her a Ginger-Ale (where on earth had he found that?) and a Coke for himself.

"I have a feeling someone's going to start a drinking game," he said by way of explanation when she threw him a puzzled look. "I can't afford to get drunk tonight."

"I have my car here. I could drive us back to your place."

He shook his head. "Nope. Driving's not the only reason."

She didn't press him further. A few glances stole her way, but nobody asked why she wasn't drinking now. After eating, her stomach had returned to its new norm: a low-lying discontentedness with the world and its various provocations, but no longer in danger of tossing it all again.

Zorri was chatting up Gwen, the two seemed to be getting along as well as Gwen hoped for earlier. Tally and Jess were talking to Paige about wedding plans. Jannah engaged Finch, and everyone was settling in to comfortable conversation.

"We should play something," Finn mused to Rey and Poe both. "Something to embarrass the nearly-newlyweds."

Poe grinned. "A most excellent plan, buddy. What will it be, then?"

"Never Have I Ever?"

"Perfect."

Ben nudged Rey, and when she glanced at him he gave her a knowing nod, as if to say see? She smiled a little. Yeah, okay, so he knew the group well. They loved to get tipsy and embarrass each other. But that was a recipe for risk, so Rey wasn't exactly excited about this idea.

"We've played this game before," Tally complained when Finn announced the plan.

"Loads of times," agreed Hux. "We already know everything there is to know about each other."

"No way," said Poe. "There's always more we could learn! Come on, I'll start. In honor of Paige and Finch, I'll say never have I ever...proposed to anyone!"

A ripple of laughter ran through the assembly. Ben gave Poe an incredulous look. "How is that possible, Dameron? Haven't you proposed to every partner you've ever had since we were in high school?"

"Not to me!" chirped Jess.

"Or me," said Tally.

"Not here either," said Zorri.

Poe stuck out his tongue at Ben. "See, Solo? I take my marriage proposals very seriously. Now drink! We gotta see who the sentimental fools around here are."

Finch, obviously, took a swig. Hux too, which startled a few.

"You have?" Gwen asked, shocked. "When?"

"Doesn't matter." Hux blushed brighter than his hair. "She said not yet."

"Yet is the key word there," Rose laughed, grabbing his collar and pulling him down for a reassuring kiss.

Ben surreptitiously tipped back his Coke, timed so almost everyone missed it. Rey didn't. She flicked him a side-eye, the little admission messing with her in a crazy way. Who had he tried to give his heart to? And who had been so foolish at to turn him down?

Ben saw her looking and his mouth curled into a sly sort of smirk.

Finn must have noticed too. "You want me to get you a grown-up drink, there, Solo?"

"I'm good, thanks."

"So who'd you propose to?"

"That's not part of the game," he said, shrugging. "Start Truth or Dare if you want information like that."

Finn snorted. "Pass. We're not in high school. Or should we do spin the bottle, too?"

"I'm sure your boyfriend would be happy to kiss everyone here."

The relationship between these two men was not warm and fuzzy. They tolerated one another, but Finn was protective of Rey and he resented Ben's place as her best of all friends. He thought he should hold that title. Rey couldn't really explain to him why he didn't. She just got a long so much more naturally with Ben. Finn thought Ben was cold and often rude, and was frequently annoyed by his quieter nature. He thought Ben's silence meant he was judging everyone all the time.

But now was not an appropriate moment for them to argue. Rey cut both off with an impatient wave, because Zorri was going next.

The relative newcomer tapped her chin and thought. "Hmm...okay...never have I ever picked a wedgie in public."

"Not possible," Poe cried.

"And yet, it's true," she laughed.

Everyone drank at that one.

Jess went next, claiming she'd never accidentally walked in on anyone naked before. Rey drank at that one. She'd seen far too many of these people's butts over the years. Tally had never planned a wedding before. Paige laughingly complained about being targeted, which only provoked them to target her and Finch more. Hux said he'd never kissed a black guy before. Paige drank again. Poe drank. Jannah, Tally, Jess, and Rey drank.

Rose was next. She was giving Rey this defiant look, a daring thing that made Rey suddenly very, very nervous.

A sneaky grin snaked over her face and she tipped her head innocently. "Paige, we all know what comes after sittin' in that tree for too long, what comes after love and marriage, so in honor of that — never have I ever taken a pregnancy test."

Jess shrugged and drank. Rey almost didn't, but Rose raised her brow in a challenge, and she knew she was being blackmailed into participating. So she took a swig of her Ginger-Ale.

Finn stiffened next to her. "Really?"

"It happens," Poe laughed. "Jess and I had that scare once. False alarm, though."

"Thankfully," Jess agreed, raising her bottle at him. Poe clinked his against hers in a celebratory toast.

Gwen went next. She'd never bought an engagement ring. Finch drank. Hux drank. Ben did not, which surprised Rey a little because she supposed that was an integral part of having proposed to someone before. Paige got everyone back by saying she'd never attended a murder mystery party.

They all groaned, because every single one of them, with the exception of Zorri, had been to one of Poe's famous murder nights. Paige had managed to get out of every single one somehow.

Around it went. Finch had never laughed so hard he peed himself. Jannah had never gotten stitches. Rey drank to both of those. When it got to be Ben's turn, he said he'd never cried to get out of a speeding ticket, which was completely unfair because Rey didn't mean to cry if she got pulled over, she just couldn't help it. She drank. Poe did too, which made everyone laugh.

Rey said she'd never slept with a Brit before, just to get Rose back for her little dig. The look Rose gave her over the top of her bottle as she drank, though, told Rey the game wasn't over.

Finn said he'd never bought a tuxedo. And that completed the round. Everyone was starting to get a little tipsy and were excited to keep going. So around they went again. Poe said he'd never held a baby before. Jess had never picked out a wedding dress. Tally had never ridden a horse. Hux had never gone to a prom. Rose melted at that one and promised one day they'd have their own.

"Never have I ever," Rose said with a truly evil grin when it came to her again, "slept with someone repeatedly to get through a quarantine."

A scandalized coo ran through the group and they looked at Ben and Rey, who were the only ones who'd actually gotten sick and been forced into a real quarantine situation.

Rey blushed furiously and gave Rose a glare across the fire. Ben laughed and drank, eliciting greater sounds of surprise from their friends. He looked at Rey expectantly. She drank too.

It wasn't like people didn't already know they occasionally coupled. It was the knowledge everyone pretended was a secret, but really wasn't.

"Sounds like a brilliant way to spend a couple weeks!" Poe said, leaning over to give Ben a high five.

Ben took Poe's wrist and leaned over to return his hand to his lap. "Mm-hmm. Moving on, now."

Rey would find a way to get Rose back when her turn came. But apparently it wasn't over, because Rose leaned over and whispered something in Gwen's ear. Gwen lit up, grinning, and said, "Never have I ever fallen for my best friend."

"Aww," crooned Poe, and drank. "I feel bad for you, Gwennie. It's the best."

Paige and Finch drank. Hux drank. Rose, keeping her eyes pinned on Rey, drank.

Rey gripped her now nearly-empty can of Ginger-Ale tightly and stared her friend down. She knew what Rose was threatening, but she wouldn't be bullied into this. It was a stupid, silly game. She didn't have to comply with the rules. Nobody was going to drag her off to party game jail for non-compliance. She'd just have to play this game of chicken with Rose and see if she'd really spill the beans just because Rey wouldn't drink to this.

But then Rose's glance flicked to the side, and Rey followed it to Ben. He'd stood up, taken her nearly-empty can from her, and was now walking away from the group. He paused by the recycling can, throwing back his Coke and drinking the rest of it before chucking both cans and heading inside, presumably for more.

Rose glanced back at Rey, her eyebrows lifting as if some point had been proven. Rey didn't know what. She frowned.

When the game got around to her again, Ben still wasn't back. She came up with some meaningless nonsense about never having grown an herb garden so Rose would have to drink again. She was genuinely worried now that Rose would keep trying to goad everyone into putting the pieces together themselves.

Finn went next, saying he'd never attended a bachelor party before. Hux, Poe, and Finch drank.

When the turn passed to Poe, Finn leaned over and whispered to Rey, "never have I ever been as much of a stick in the mud as your boy."

She glanced towards the house again. Ben still hadn't come back out.

"Maybe he's just tired of playing," she said, shrugging.

"What, is he afraid we're all gonna learn his secrets?"

"Maybe." She shifted her focus back to him. "You've got some of your own to keep too, don't you? We all do. Aren't you afraid someone's going to turn this game dirty and starting saying things they've never done in bed, and then Poe's gonna know how inexperienced you are?"

Finn looked disturbed. "Well I wasn't, but I am now."

"Hey," someone complained, "Rey, you gotta drink."

She looked up. "What was it?"

"Jess said she's never been to England."

Rey rolled her eyes. That one was a staple whenever they got these games going. She lifted her hands. "Can't. Don't have a drink."

"Doesn't count anyway," Hux said. "She's not even really drinking."

Rose smirked.

Her heart skipped a nervous beat and she returned her attention to Finn. "I think I'm gonna bow out too. I'm still not feeling a hundred percent and I think I should head home."

He looked disappointed, but nodded. "Yeah, okay. Sorry about earlier. Hope you get through this quick, whatever it is. Probably food poisoning?"

She smiled. "Who knows. Thanks, though."

With that she stood and started making her way out of the group. Poe saw her going and objected. "Wait, Rey! You're not leaving, are you?"

Finn leaned over and whispered in his ear. She waved apologetically at the rest of them and headed for the house. Rose stood and scrambled after her.

"I'm sorry! Is it because of me you're leaving?"

Rey could smell the alcohol on her breath. She wrinkled her nose. "I don't know, you seem pretty determined to out me here, Rose."

"I'm not, I promise! It's just...everyone can see it. Everyone. It's too easy to tease you guys about it because it feels like you're being deliberately blind."

"Look," she sighed. "Whatever goes on between Ben and me, that's our business. Okay? Whether we get together or just stay friends, that doesn't have anything to do with you. You need to let us figure stuff out on our own."

"Does that mean you are figuring it out? Or that there's hope for that?"

Rey wanted to say there was. Some small part of her was coming to believe that they could be more. But she wasn't sure yet, so she was honest. "I have no idea. Maybe. This...situation," she glanced around. "That I'm in. It's changing a lot of things. Our dynamic is changing. I don't know what it means yet, but I need you to back off and let us sort through it all."

Rose pulled her in for a hug. "I will, I promise. Sorry for snapping at you earlier. I really am happy for you. I wish it meant you guys were finally getting together. You just make each other so happy. But I'll back off. I won't keep pushing."

"Thanks," Rey said, hugging her back. "Come over tomorrow to help me with the jam and I'll answer any questions you still have — as long as they're not specifically about me and Ben."

Rose illuminated with an excited smile. "Deal!"

Rey saw Gwen watching them, and a funny feeling swept over her that somehow, she knew. She couldn't possibly guess how the tall woman could know, but the certainty moved through her anyway. She saw Poe looking over at them too and her cheeks flushed. The moment she left, Rose was going to get ambushed. She knew it. By the look in Rose's eye, she knew it too. The questions of the others just simmered there under the surface. A few keen minds had clued in. Finn seemed oblivious, but Poe definitely wasn't, and the Hux siblings definitely weren't.

"It's okay," Rey told her in resignation. "Don't, like...make an announcement. But if someone specifically wants to know..."

Rose's eyes widened. "Really?"

It was going to happen anyway. Rey shrugged. "Just don't say that nonsense about how we wanted it. Just the facts, please."

"Okay! Yeah." She looked a little relieved, honestly. Rey gave her one last hug and then fled into the house.

She poked around a bit for Ben, but couldn't find him in any of the rooms or bathrooms. Eventually she went out the front to see if his car was still there and found him sitting on the steps leading down into the front yard. Night sprawled over the neighborhood, chillier out here than in the back by the fire. Quiet houses lined a quiet street, lights glowing from within windows. Poe was the young single guy on the block, she knew from past experiences. Most of these homes were occupied by upper-middle class families.

Ben swiveled around at the sound of the door.

"Hey," she said briskly, scooting around him and jumping down to the yard. Poe's floodlights clicked on, bathing her in a yellow glare. "Are you ready to go? Because I am definitely ready to go."

His mouth twisted into an amused little smile. "I'm always ready to leave these things."

She turned around and motioned to the neighborhood. "Is that why you're moping out here by yourself?"

"Not moping. Just thinking." He stood, following her out onto the grass. "I just liked the quiet."

"Yeah..." she glanced at him and then away, nodding and drawing a deep breath. "They're getting more and more rowdy the longer that game goes on. It's a good time to split."

"Then let's go," he said. "You want to leave your car here or just caravan it?"

"Oh, I'm definitely not leaving it here." The other would see it, and whichever of them had gotten Rose to talk tonight would absolutely make erroneous conclusions about what it meant.

Not that she was even sure it mattered at this point.

Ben had the nicest bed Rey had ever been in.

It was huge, for one. As massive California king that meant she could sprawl out and still leave ample space for Ben and his huge body to sprawl too. And he had a nice mattress. One of those fancy silicone hexagonal ones that managed to be both squishy and yielding as well as firm and supportive as the same time. The mattress was extra nice because it absorbed movement and didn't make any noise no matter what they were up to. Noisy springs and beds were a distraction from just being lost in the moment.

Not that this was the particular use of the mattress tonight. Not even the size really mattered, because right now they only occupied a little piece of it. Rey was snuggled into him, right up against his warm, firm body, her head in his shoulder, her nose buried into his neck. It was a nice reprieve from any other smell — even though Ben's house smelled clean and fresh and good.

They hadn't properly cuddled since the quarantine, when they'd spent hours tangled on her pullout, sick and needy in their turns. They didn't usually cuddle at all, except under unusual circumstances, and those had truly been unusual. It opened a window of opportunity they didn't usually indulge. Rey wanted to feel that again. To go back to that time. Before everything got complicated. When it was simple, and snuggly, and good. Being sick wasn't great, but the fun they had being cooped up together more than made up for any physical discomfort.

She could feel Ben's heart beating steadily beneath her head, big powerful pulses that boomed in deep bass contrast to the high racing gallop they'd heard in Holdo's office. She wondered what each pulse was for. Not literally, of course, but on a symbolic level. What did Ben hope for and dream about now? His future was so altered. His plans derailed. What made his blood quicken with anticipation, what secret wishes did he harbor now in this new trajectory?

He was very quiet tonight. They'd spoken a little after getting to his house, mostly her recounting what had happened after he left. He stared up at his ceiling now, breath calm in his chest, fingers trailing absent patterns against her arm. This was an extremely intimate moment, but he didn't seem to mind. Rey decided she didn't either.

After a while he asked very softly, "Do you want to talk about what Rose said?"

"No..." She held her breath and hoped very much that he wouldn't press it.

"We can, you know." His voice was still gentle, offering a way if she wanted it. "If it's bothering you."

"I told her to back off," she said, dipping her chin to that her forehead rested against his jaw. "I guess we probably should, but...just...not yet. I don't want to open that box."

His fingers against her skin stilled. "Box?"

"You know. Like Pandora's box. Or jar. Whatever it was. I'm not really clear on what exactly the container was."

"Oh." Ben was quiet another moment, and then a little chuckle rumbled against her head. "Interesting metaphor. Everything bad came out of that box."

"Yeah, that's kind of what I'm afraid of."

"Okay," he said softly. "We won't talk about it. But you know what was in the bottom of that box, Rey."

Her heart skipped a beat. Her fingers curled against her chest. Her voice was small when she said, "I know."

Hope.