Summary: Deep dive into Ben brain, and a wedding (lol)

A/N: Remember how I said this would be a ficlet? Only a couple chapters? *facepalm*

It's just that 1) This soft fic is really getting me through this crisis. 2) I seem incapable of keeping it brief and 3) your responses are so overwhelmingly sweet, it really drives me to keep going. I have an ending in mind, and not too far down the road, but we'll see how it works out.

CHAPTER EIGHT: Moonlight Becomes You

Ben would rank it as one of his top five favorite nights.

Not the party. That was fine. More interesting than usual, due to Rey's sick episode and Rose's impassioned lecture. Ben thought she'd made some interesting points — particularly about what they subconsciously sought with this sham friendship. Perhaps that was why he had relaxed his rule about always using secondary protection with Rey, not only because it felt so intimate and personal and so distinctly them, but maybe also some unconscious part of him was hoping it would stick. Certainly he wasn't upset that it had.

But more than his own thoughts about what she'd said, he wanted to know what Rey thought. He wanted her to talk about it, to talk through her feelings — whatever they were, even if they didn't align with his. They told each other everything, always. It was maddeningly foreign to watch her actively bury her feelings and hide them from him. She'd told him incredibly difficult things about her life. Really painful things to talk about. He had never violated her trust. She'd told him every little thought that passed through her head and her heart, and he harbored them all. He wanted her to trust him with this. To trust him to react the right way, even if it ran contrary to his own secret desires.

So it drove him a little bit crazy that she wouldn't talk about it.

But he wasn't going to push her. Instead, he let her keep her silence and used his own to ruminate about the future. He'd extricated himself from their inane drinking game before he publicly admitted things better saved for private and went to attend to his thoughts in the refuge of the porch. He pondered the neighborhood, the other houses. He wondered how to find out what kind of things she'd want in a home, and how exactly he was going to tell her that he wanted her to move in, for them to raise their baby together. And if he could ever work up the courage to do it properly, and could be assured he wouldn't terrify her, he wondered how she'd feel about his grandmother's ring, currently hidden away in one of his drawers.

Going home and cuddling her to sleep was infinitely better than the party in every single way.

It became one of his top five nights because she had let him hold her until morning. Even when she fell deep asleep, she didn't roll away. She snuggled deeper into him. He shifted around when his body started to protest, but he made sure to always keep hold of her, to keep her sheltered safe and secure against his chest. Where she belonged. He didn't get great sleep, and his arm kept going numb under her, but the feeling of rightness radiating through his center was too good to break for something as trivial as sleep.

The other nights in his top five were these:

One: The second time they were ever intimate.

Two: The night she told him about her childhood. She wept. He held her. She said she'd never told anyone she was a nobody before. He brushed away her tears and told her she wasn't a nobody to him.

Three: That one night when he'd been tasked with taking some furniture out to Uncle Lando in the desert and asked Rey to come keep his company, and his father's old truck broke down on the side of the road in a signal deadzone, and they spent the night in the bed of the pickup, on the old spring-worn couch staring up at the stars and waiting for someone to find them. Ben hoped no one would until morning. No one did.

Four: The first time they were intimate.

And now this one. FIVE: The night she asked if she could stay in his bed when it had nothing to do with intimacy at all. Just because she wanted to be with him.

The reason the second time was his number one favorite memory was because the first one was rushed, sloppy, and they were both a little drunk. It was the night after they graduated. Ben had always liked her, and they were already really close, but he still felt kind of weird about being a graduate student hanging out with undergrads— never mind that his buddy since childhood, Poe, was also in the same boat and didn't seem to mind at all. Ben had tried to deny his crush on Rey because of it. He knew she didn't quite reciprocate, and he didn't really mind the friend zone so much, because being her friend was infinitely better than being one of her awkward exes.

That night everyone got tipsy. Rose, in her lovesick inebriated state, kept going on and on about Armitage Hux — to the point that Ben began to regret ever introducing them. He could see how Rose's overflowing romantic happiness was affecting Rey. Sunny, cheerful Rey who always seemed so resilient and independent. It was hard to see her turning inward, increasingly wracked with self-doubt. He'd nearly come undone when she was crying by the end of the night because she believed herself unlovable.

They had shared a cab back to her place and he comforted her. Kissed away the tears on her cheeks and hugged her tight until her sobs subsided. She nuzzled into his neck and drunkenly confessed that he was her very favorite person. He said she was his. She kissed his ears, his jaw, his throat — never his lips, though. Not even then. Her hands wandered. Somehow it all just kind of spiraled from there. He couldn't remember all of it, but he remembered enough. It was still in his top five, as messy as it was, because it was her and it was the first time she'd made some of his secret fantasies come true.

He thought that she'd probably really regret what they'd done in the morning. It was definitely not his best performance, and they were too drunk to really know what they were getting into.

But she hadn't regretted it. She kept thinking about it. And a week later, she told him she couldn't get it out of her head and wanted to try again, sober. No strings, she said. No strings, he agreed, even though he knew he was already doomed in that regard.

The second time was so much better. It was perfect. Everything about that encounter left him in helpless awe.

Possibly that one was untouchable as his favorite memory. Nothing would ever top it.

But this sweet, platonic sharing of his bed was profoundly meaningful too, in a different way than those first two times with her had been.

He didn't even care that he was tremendously tired the next day. Fatigue clung to the edges of him, but contentedness made it irrelevant. When she woke, her eyes found his and for a moment, he saw what he hoped to see. Surprise, unguarded affection, genuine happiness.

They got breakfast out and spent the day together, doing the sorts of random nonsense they'd always gotten into. They went to an antique store and browsed around, and then to a hardware store because Rey wanted to price out the materials for a hydroponic garden. Ben teased her that she wanted to start an illegal grow operation in her apartment. After lunch he took her home because she wanted a shower and to change. Rose wanted to know if she'd be making jam, but Rey demurred, so they just went back to Ben's apartment for Netflix and, yes, even a little chill, for the rest of the afternoon. He saw how quickly she tired, and proposed an early bedtime because he had work in the morning anyway. She agreed.

He fixed her a simple breakfast the next day before they left, and when he said goodbye, he managed to pull her in for a kiss to her forehead. He asked if she'd be back that night.

She said she would.

Ben went to work that day high as a kite. It was a small thing, her sharing his bed and letting him hold her. But to him, it meant everything.

An hour into work, Gwen showed up at his office. She came in, closed the door, and sat unceremoniously in one of his chairs.

Ben gave her an amused look. "Did we have a meeting I forgot about?"

"No." She folded her arms over his chest and gave him an arched look. "Your big secret got spilled at Poe's party."

"Hm," he acknowledged, retuning his attention to work. "You don't sound surprised."

"Ben, I've been working with you for years. The smallest change in your behavior is a big signal that something's going on in your life. Last week you were smiling so damn much, which is incredibly out of character for you. I knew something was up. I figured you and Johnson had finally gotten together."

Ben was working on that. He knew how to be patient and wait for things to unfurl. For her, he'd wait a lifetime.

Gwen watched him for a reaction. When she got none, she went on.

"But then the whole night she was refusing to drink. And she kept messing with her nose like someone just stepped in poo. Your behavior during the game, watching her like she was made of glass, it all made me suspicious that it wasn't what I thought, and it was actually so much bigger."

"Luke doesn't pay you enough," Ben mused. "You're sharp as a whip, Gwen."

"I know." She smirked. "Tell him to give me a raise."

"If I did that, he'd take it out of my own salary out of spite."

She laughed. "I wouldn't mourn."

"I would. I've got something to take care of now."

Her mouth twisted into a little smile. "You know, I always had this notion that the reason you were such an ass is because you were a family man missing his family. Now that you found it, you're starting to be a lot nicer."

Almost, thought Ben. He'd almost found it. One little piece was his, at least. He just needed to find a way to convince his feral mate to stay and let him love her as much as he already loved their child. Their olive — not so much an olive, anymore. The app informed them yesterday morning that this week it grow to be the size of a prune.

Ben didn't think a prune sounded as charming.

"Have you told your mother yet?" Gwen asked.

Ben shook his head. "No. None of them know. I'll probably need to tell them soon."

"Yeah, you definitely need to. This is the kind of thing you want them to get used to well before your kid arrives."

"Mm," he agreed in a non-committal hum. "Just keep it under wraps here, Gwen. Luke doesn't get to know about it before my mother does."

She nodded and stood, heading towards his door. "I understand. Your secret is safe with me. And for what it's worth, I think you're a good man for stepping up like this."

Ben grimaced. "That shouldn't be a reason for praise. This is the bare minimum of my responsibility. She didn't do this to herself. "

"And yet," she said ruefully, "too many of your kind run screaming the other way when something like this happens."

The way she said it made Ben wonder about her own childhood. He'd never heard her talk about it, and he'd never asked. Now he wondered if she'd grown up without a father.

Ben did have the benefit of an intact family. They were troublesome and difficult sometimes, but they were his. His father had stuck around, and he'd been a good father, a fun one, when Ben was younger. It was only when he got to be older, as a teen and into his emerging adult years, that their relationship began to deteriorate.

He definitely should tell his family.

But he waited, because he was still exploring this shift in the dynamic between himself and Rey. He wanted to see every facet of it, and how far this shift ran, before telling them anything.

After work he went to the store and finally stocked up his house with all the things that a house should have by way of food. Things that would be good for her to eat, and easy for her uncharacteristically delicate appetite to handle. It really was almost a crime, what he'd done by accidentally knocking her up. Rey was defined by her love of food, and now that had been robbed from her, if only temporarily. Trying to help her find things to eat was only the smallest penance he could pay for his sin.

She arrived later that evening, telling him all about the texts she'd had to field from their friends all day as they bombarded her with alarmed or excited messages after successfully convincing Rose to tell them everything. She didn't sound annoyed, so Ben assumed she knew Rose would blow it. He hadn't gotten anything except Gwen's passing interest, and one mysterious text from Poe with a couple dozen thumbs up and a fireworks effect.

That night she fell asleep while they were watching a movie. It was still early, but she was exhausted. She barely even stirred when he carried her upstairs and tucked her into bed.

He spent a little longer getting himself ready, his thoughts a deep, churning river. Part of it was work — Luke mentioned earlier that day that their new clients (the presentation had been a smashing success) might need him to come to their corporate office for a couple weeks while they got everything with new campaign in place. Ben wasn't eager to go on a business trip right now, even though he usually loved them.

Part of his rumination included the personality changes Gwen had hinted at earlier. He'd always been weak for Rey, but now he was positive mush. And he liked it. That was...different. He was trying to decide if that compromised his masculinity, and if it did, did he even care. Ben was never one to conform to the expectations of others. He had a vicious, rebellious streak in him that made him prone to buck every rule and constraint others placed upon him. He always made himself the exception. It drove his father and Luke crazy. It made his mother tired. It made other people think he was a jerk. He didn't mind any of it. The only person he would bend to, in fact would willingly lay down and surrender to, was Rey. And in accepting this role she was giving him, fatherhood, it was softening him in other areas too.

That was fine, he decided. It wasn't for any of them. Just for her, and for the little person they made.

Eventually he got into bed beside her and pulled her in close. She sighed in her sleep and tucked in against him, humming a soft, happy note.

Rose said that Rey had earlier denied having feelings for him. Ben wouldn't expect anything less. He knew her, and he knew how fiercely she guarded her heart. Her instincts for self-defense ran so much deeper than anyone could soothe. If she did have feelings for him, and he was beginning to suspect that maybe (miraculously) she did, she would resist them and resist them until she felt safe enough to let go.

His task, then, was building that safety for her. Part of that included not revealing his hand too soon, because that would frighten her and make her run.

It was a delicate process. A careful one. He had a lot to consider.

His hand spanned her whole abdomen when he slid it over her, content to leave it there, protective of them both, until he too fell asleep.

ELEVEN WEEKS — STRAWBERRY

"Hey there, big Papa," Poe said, clapping Ben on the shoulder as he slid up behind him. "Where's your girl?"

"First of all, don't call me that." Ben brushed him arm off. "Second of all, she's not mine, and I don't know."

Poe laughed. "Think she's offended that you didn't let her sit with you and your parents during the ceremony?"

"She didn't want to." Ben's gaze scanned the reception, across the crowds of people milling around. Between the Ticos and the Dallows, there were a lot of guests here. One glance at the gift table told him Paige and Finch were going to make off like bandits at the end of this.

"So you told 'em yet?" Poe asked, nodding towards where Ben's mother was talking to Poe's parents.

"No."

Poe clucked disapprovingly. "You're just asking to get in trouble here, buddy. Someone is going to spill the beans."

"Just make sure it isn't you." Ben cut him a sharp look.

Poe lifted his hands innocently, eyes going wide. "I would never! But your mom, she always finds out the truth. I'm just saying. You should really get ahead of this."

"I'll take that under advisement." Ben spotted Rey out of the corner of his eye. She was with Rose, the two of them giggling together like two school girls by the ice cream bar. The corner of his mouth twitched into the temptation of a smile. They both looked happy tonight. Almost as happy as Paige, who had finally gotten her dream wedding after having to postpone it for months until the pandemic passed and people were allowed to socialize again. The bride herself was an elegant vision in white, greeting her guests with her proud groom at her side.

Ben pulled at his tie so it was a little loser, his gaze dropping to the drink in his hand.

"She looks great tonight," Poe said thoughtfully.

Ben thought maybe he meant Paige, but he followed his friend's gaze over to Rey and Rose again. Rose almost suited her name, arrayed in most brilliant yellow and a dress that was surprisingly flattering, given the tradition of most Maid of Honor and Bridesmaid dresses to be…intentionally less beautiful than the bride. She looked like a flower. Though less like a red rose and more like…a daffodil? Ben wasn't really clear on the different kinds of flowers and their colors.

"Yellow suits her," he agreed. "Not so much Hux, though."

Armitage was not far away, talking to some people he must know. The tie that matched Rose's dress didn't do many favors for his fiery hair and sallow complexion.

Poe laughed. "You're obnoxious, you know that?"

Ben gave him a side-eye. "What did I do?"

"I meant Rey, you idiot. She looks great. It must be killing you."

Oh.

It was. Ben didn't need another glance to tell him that, but his eye traveled back to her anyway, drawn there magnetically. She didn't look great. She was beautiful. The dress she wore — halter on top, flowing, draping folds from her trim waist down — was a mesmerizing midnight blue ombre. It was simple, and understated compared to Rose, the bridesmaids, and certainly Paige. That was appropriate for a guest. But to Ben, she still seemed to outshine all of them. The darkest blue contrasted perfectly against the smooth tan of her skin, and the silvery earrings and silver leaf pinning up half her hair looked like starlight on a twilight sky. Ben had done a double take when he saw her join the other friends for the ceremony, and it had been hard to keep his eyes off her ever since. She looked gorgeous and alive and happy.

Maybe she felt him staring, because her glance bounced away from Rose and found him. A storm of pleasure rumbled through Ben's chest, and he didn't realize it produced a low sound in him until Poe gave him an odd look.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong."

"Why'd you make that sound?"

"What sound?"

Poe looked around for someone to back him up, but none of the strangers near them were paying attention. He gave Ben a weird look and shuffled off with some muttered excuse of finding Finn.

Ben glanced back at Rey again, and found with no small degree of satisfaction that she was working her way through the crowd towards him. Behind her, Rose flitted off to find Paige.

It was all Ben could do to keep his hands to himself when she slipped up beside him, grabbing a glass of water.

"Hi," she said, her cheeks flushed and bright.

"Hi," he said in return.

As if he didn't know her, as if she were some gorgeous stranger he was nervous to talk to, Ben floundered for what to say. Nevermind that she had been in his bed only a couple days ago, curled into him like a sleeping kitten, dozing while he worked on some project research on his laptop. He'd asked if she wanted to come to the wedding with him, sit by him and his family like they did for Snap's. She hesitated for a long time, and then asked if he would be disappointed if she said no. He was, a little, but he lied and told her otherwise. He understood that she was still trying to pretend everything was normal. If the strawberry hadn't happened, he wouldn't have even asked, and she'd have defaulted to sitting with the group of friends anyway.

But they did have a strawberry. Which was nicer than a prune. And everything was not normal. Ben didn't see any point in pretending it was, nevertheless he wouldn't deny her need to do it anyway.

Patience, he reminded himself when she left to go home, and he knew he wouldn't see her until the ceremony.

Now he was almost glad it had happened this way. Watching her get ready for this would have robbed him of the profoundly powerful effect of seeing her tonight for the first time.

"Rey—" he started to say, to tell her how pretty he thought she looked.

But he was cut off when two others approached. His mother and — his heart stuttered in his chest — Doctor Holdo.

"Ben!" His mother said with a wide smile. Her attention fell on Rey beside him. She didn't miss a beat. "Oh! It was…Rey, right? You're the one who came with Ben to Snap Wexley's wedding."

Rey looked positively shaken to see her doctor standing right there beside Ben's mother, who definitely did not know their secret yet. She managed to rally a nervous smile, barely flicking Holdo a startled glance before giving that smile to his mother.

"Yeah, that was me. It's good to see you again, Profes—Doct—"

"Leia is fine, dear," his mother interrupted, smiling kindly. She had a complicated web of names she used for various professional purposes. For her political world, she went by Organa, in honor of her mother's sister and her husband, who Leia had clung to after her death. In the academic world, she used Skywalker, her maiden name. And for personal affairs, she went by her married name, Solo.

Ben always thought this was altogether unnecessarily complicated, but no one could really tell his mother what to do.

"Ben," Leia said, motioning to Holdo. "This is my friend, Amilyn. She was my roommate in college and my best friend for many years. You met her when you were little, but I doubt you remember."

Ben would have remembered someone with purple hair, he thought, but then she might not have had purple hair back then. Tonight's Holdo's lavender waves were brighter than ever, offset by the elegant, simple gray dress she wore.

"Amilyn, this is my son, Ben, and his…friend, Rey."

Doctor Holdo smiled neutrally at him and nodded in greeting. "It's great to meet you, Ben." Her attention turned to Rey, and her smile remained just as warm, but vacant. "You too, Rey."

Rey looked like she had swallowed bees. Ben didn't know why Holdo was pretending not to know them, but he was too grateful to question it. Instead he just took her lead and did the same.

"I'm sorry I don't remember meeting you when I was younger," he said.

She laughed. It was a smooth, controlled sound. "I'd be surprised if you did. You were very young. Maybe five?"

Leia nodded. "Yeah, I think that's about right. You moved away for all those years."

Holdo hummed. "But it's great that we can pick up right where we left off, isn't it?"

"Absolutely," agreed Leia. She glanced at Rey. "Are you alright, dear?"

Ben was startled to see Rey looking decidedly pale. She threw them all an apologetic look.

"Um, yes, sorry. I just…got a little lightheaded. Excuse me. N-nice to meet you both."

She fled, finding her way over to some chairs where she sank down in clear exhaustion. Holdo's gaze tracked her, briefly met Ben's, and then drifted back to Leia.

Ben wanted to go check on Rey, but he didn't know how to do that without offending his mother.

Leia was watching him curiously. "I didn't realize you were still seeing her. It's been a long time."

"I'm…not…" Ben didn't really know how to explain things without explaining everything. "She's a friend, Mom."

"Why?" His mother's expression became baffled. "I remember I liked her a lot at Snap's wedding. Your father was all excited thinking maybe you finally found a good one, but then you never brought her around again. She's beautiful, and I remember she was nice. What's your problem?"

Ben rolled his eyes.

Leia glanced at Holdo with an exasperated look. "My son is the world's pickiest man, Amilyn. Where did I go wrong? He's so snobby about which women are worthy of his attention."

Holdo smiled. "You set a high standard for all our gender, Leia. I'm sure it's tough to find someone to live up to that example."

"Shameless," Leia laughed. "You're shameless."

Ben was itching to get away. It was his own fault for not visiting his parents more. Now that they had opportunity to be in the same place (Paige had been Leia's TA and research assistant) his mother wanted to take advantage of the situation and unriddle his life.

"Ben," she said, snapping his attention back from where it had wondered again to Rey. "Amilyn is a doctor."

"Your kind of doctor, or a doctor-doctor?" Ben asked, even though he knew.

"She's an OB-GYN," Leia explained. "She has a clinic here in town. If you're worried about your friend, I'm sure Amilyn would be happy to talk to her and make sure she's alright."

Holdo nodded. "No doubt it's just the rigors of the party, but I'm happy to check."

Ben gave his mother an uncertain glance. Would she come too? Because that wouldn't really help the situation any.

As if sensing this, his mother held up her hands innocently. "No, no, I won't meddle. I need to go make sure your father isn't taking advantage of the open bar anyway."

Holdo laughed lightly. "I'll find you in a bit, Leia."

"See you." She tossed Ben a fierce look. "Don't you dare sneak out of here without saying goodbye."

"I won't," he promised.

And then she was gone. Holdo looked at him and he at her. She nodded in Rey's direction. "Shall we?"

They went to the table where Rey sat nursing her glass of water, watching the party over the rim. She set it down when they got close and looked around for Ben's mother.

"She went to go check on my dad," he explained, sliding into a seat next to her. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said. "I just got…tired and...overwhelmed? And nervous, I guess."

Her attention flicked up to Holdo, who took the seat on her other side.

"It's normal," the doctor assured her comfortingly. "It's a big part of these early days. You'll get more energy soon."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Rey asked. "Why'd you pretend not to know us?"

"I'm not allowed to, by law." Holdo smiled. "It'd be a violation of your privacy. You are allowed to tell anyone you want about me, and if you chose to disclose our acquaintance to Leia, that would be your prerogative. But I cannot."

Ben sagged against his chair in relief. He saw a shudder of the same move through Rey. She exhaled softly.

"I'm glad to know that."

"As your doctor, I have no problem keeping your secret," she said genially. Her glance darted to Ben with an amused glint. "As your mother's friend, I advise you don't keep her in the dark too long."

Yeah. Ben was starting to think that he'd need to have a conversation with her sooner than he thought.

"Got it," he told her.

She smiled and patted Rey's hand. "You're doing great, sweetie. Don't worry."

With that, she got up and drifted away, off to greet whoever it was she knew here. Maybe she was Paige's doctor too, and couldn't say anything about that either.

Rey sighed. "I got so scared that she'd say something right there in front of your mom, and then we'd have a scene."

Ben had been afraid of that too for a second there. But then, his mother really wasn't a scene kind of person. She had too much tact, too much class for that.

The emcee announced the first dance for the bride and groom. The guests flowed around them towards the dance floor, but Ben and Rey stayed seated. He watched the lights of the outdoor venue swivel, focusing on the newlyweds as the music began to swell.

"Rose seems happy," he said, seeing that glimpse of yellow amidst the sea of people watching.

Rey relaxed, even grinned. "She's like a lemon skittle."

He laughed. "What does that even mean?"

She shrugged. "She's happy and excited and…sugary? Ha, I don't know. She just reminds me of candy tonight."

Rose was candy, and Rey was the night sky. And Ben supposed his feelings were getting a little out of hand.

They sat in companionable silence while Paige and Finch danced their first dance, and then Paige's father swept her around the dance floor for the father-daughter portion. Ben caught sight of his parents, his father obviously begrudging every second of this event, chatting with another middle-aged couple several yards away. His mother knew everyone, everywhere.

Eventually all the guests were invited to dance. They watched their friends pile together and find the rhythm of the first quick, celebratory song. Some of them were so cringey. Hux had no ability to follow the beat at all. Jannah had some excellent moves, though. By the time the song was ending, the ones who couldn't dance were mostly jumping around.

Rey plunked down her glass and turned to him. "Let's go."

"Where?"

"Dance."

Ben grimaced.

She laughed. "I know you don't like it. Indulge me."

He grumbled a little as she took his hand and led him towards the dance floor. Ben didn't really mind dancing if she was the only one around. They'd had their share of goofy dance-offs over the years. He didn't have any shame around her. But this was not in the privacy of her apartment, or the car, or the side of the road in the middle of the desert. This was public. And Ben was a big, lanky guy. He had decent kinesthesia when it came to athletic pursuits, and maybe that could translate on the dance floor, but he'd never really been brave enough to find out. He didn't want to look anything like Hux out there.

But in a stroke of fortune, the music turned and real dance skills were no longer required. A slow song had started.

Rey sighed in disappointment. "Damn. Bad timing. This isn't exciting."

Ben felt exactly the opposite.

She paused like she was about to turn around, but now he was the one tugging her.

"Come on," he said. "This is more your speed anyway."

Her brow furrowed. "How is this my speed? Slow songs are boring."

"Well your reserves of energy are incredibly low right now, so unless you want to be absolutely laid out after only one song, you'd better embrace the slow."

That won him a laugh and a little eye roll. She let him pull her out to join the other couples already swaying and circling. Ben had convinced her to dance a slow song with him at Snap's wedding — for the sake of convincing his parents, he'd said. He remembered that dance. He liked having her in his arms like that.

He deftly took control again this time, taking her hands and placing them on his shoulders. His own found the bare skin of her back, finger tips gliding over her warm skin — god, she always felt so warm these days — and down to the fabric at her waist. His huge hands engulfed her, his thumbs rubbing against her ribs as he settled there and pulled her into the song with him. It was maybe a little high school, the way they were dancing, others around them had a moral formal dance position going: hands clasped, elbows out. But Ben didn't want formal. He wanted close.

Her hazel eyes were on him, curious and trusting as she let him lead. They caught the lights of the dance floor in bright mirrored reflection, like sunlight over a deep forest, green and gold and brown and gray and eternal. Ben loved her eyes. He loved how they could flash cold and fierce when she felt threatened, or how they could be glassy and dark with lust, or how they sparkled when she laughed, and illuminated with her smiles. She had expressive eyes. He liked finding her thoughts in them.

Maybe she liked his own, too — boring black-brown he'd always hated — because she kept searching them, like she was as lost in his as he was in hers.

"Rey," he said gently, bold enough for her to hear him over the music, but soft enough for only her to hear, "You're beautiful."

She sucked in a sharp breath, and those forest eyes glittered. He lifted a hand to gently trace some stray hairs behind her ear.

Emboldened, his hands slid back a bit and he pulled her in closer. Her face was inches from his when he looked down. He could feel her breath against his skin. So close…so very tempting.

But there were things Ben couldn't shake. Impediments. They weren't alone, for one. He could feel everyone else around him, could imagine what their friends were already whispering. And his parents were here. His mother, who thought him disinterested in every woman ever, was no doubt monitoring this closeness with some interest. And it wasn't the right scenario. Ben didn't want it like this. He'd always imagined that the first time he kissed her, they'd be alone. And it would be a lot more meaningful than a kiss during a dance at someone else's wedding.

So he didn't. Instead he shuddered and dipped his head to the side of her, rubbing his cheek against her hair. That already was way too intimate for everyone else to see, but he needed that much at least.

Her arms wrapped around his neck and her body rose a little to press against him. Ben wished so badly he could make everyone else disappear. Wished he could forget them and their stupid, prying eyes. Because Rey was here, she was right here with him, and his heart was pounding so fast in his chest, and he trembled a little with the strength of his longing.

Because even though he knew this girl inside and out, had already claimed every inch of her body, he'd never felt this close to having all of her before.

He could say it. Maybe he couldn't kiss her, but he could say those three words and see if she would let them in.

But his gaze caught on familiar faces, Poe and Finn, and Rose and Hux, and — his courage wavered. He didn't care what they thought, but he cared that they could witness. They didn't deserve it. What he felt for her was too sacred to show everyone else. He sighed softly into her hair. If he could find this moment, he would find another one again, a better one.

So when the song ended he let her go, and let his gaze linger on hers for a moment until their friends surrounded them and whisked her away to dance a fast one with them. Ben left the dance floor to go find a strong drink.

A/N: Coming up next: A bit more from Ben, including a necessary family dinner

The second thing I really want to know: boy or girl? Whaddya think?

Comment Replies:

Kahoko: Gah! Thank you! A million heart emojis that FF won't let me post!

Hartmannclan: Hehehe, sneaky. You caught it.

Guest: Muchiiiiisimas gracias! sus respuestas siempre me alegran el día