Summary: A reconciliation, an ultrasound, a reveal, and Big Big Words

A/N: These two are ridiculous. They don't like to follow my outline for them.

Also, sorry for the delay getting this chapter up. My church is having a giant worldwide conference this weekend (streamed for appropriate social distancing) and I've been a bit busy, plus these smallish folk who have invaded my house have needed extra attention.

BUT! I think you'll find the wait was worth it?

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Remember This Moment With Me

TWENTY WEEKS — Sweet Potato

Ben had the nicest lips Rey had ever kissed. Full and pillowy and clever. Soft flames in which she willingly burned. He was a conjurer with that mouth of his, summoning such feelings and emotions as she didn't even know she could feel.

Rey could drown in those lips.

She loved kissing him.

She kissed him a lot.

Now that the unspoken wall had collapsed and nothing held her back from it, she wanted do it all the time. She found excuses for it every chance she got. Like when he left for work in the morning, she'd linger by the door until he was headed out. Before walking out, he'd catch her around the waist and she'd tug his head down to her and devour him until he reluctantly pried himself away and went, a little dazed, to his car. Or when he got home, she'd wait and launch herself at him as soon as he walked in, crashing together in a flurry of lips and teeth and tongues. Or if he made an especially amazing dinner, if she got bored with whatever movie they were watching, if the baby moved — those were all good reasons to kiss him too.

And especially when they were in bed. Even though they'd been sleeping together for a few years now, suddenly it was overwhelmingly new again because they allowed themselves to kiss. Rey almost couldn't remember how it had ever been good without kissing.

Honestly, the way they couldn't keep their hands — or mouths — off each other now would have been more appropriate to two teenagers falling heedlessly into their first romance, not two experienced adults navigating a complicated, rule-bound, grown-up relationship.

But the rules were crumbling. The boundaries had become blurred. Rey didn't know when they were crossing them or not, or what those boundaries even were now.

She didn't know what they were exactly, but she did know this: They weren't friends anymore.

Not by a long shot.

The energy between them had shifted. Ben was...on edge. Not the edge of irritation or anything bad, but definitely the edge of some kind of precipice. Every time they kissed she felt tension wind up in his body and vibrate through him like the crackle in the air before a storm. It wasn't sexual, necessarily, and it couldn't have been an unpleasant thing for him because he kept chasing her mouth as often as she hunted his. She didn't know what that tension was, but she sensed it bursting at the seams. His behavior had altered a little since that first kiss. They texted constantly throughout the day. Of nothing. Of anything. As if the hours between when he left and when he returned were too much for him to bear. It had never been that way between them before. And there were other changes too. Sometimes he'd come back bearing gifts. A pint of her favorite ice cream. A book from the used bookstore she liked. A vase of sunflowers, which he knew were her favorite.

It struck Rey as almost anticlimactic, how easily they slid together down the slope of whatever this was. Like maybe it should have involved more...talking.

Because Ben still didn't try to talk to her about it. Beyond that one confession that he'd wanted to kiss her for a long time, but held back because of her, he didn't directly address the subject again, or try to define what this shifting dynamic between them meant.

But Rey didn't either.

Maybe something inside her worried that if they put whatever was happening into words, it would shatter. Like it thrived better in the unspoken space where it had always existed.

Still, she felt strange and giddy and happy since it happened. The meeting of their mouths had shoved them right out of that carefully constructed friend-zone and into something new and strange and breathless.

"What's up with you?" Rose asked a couple days later when Rey finally agreed to hang out with her again.

She was at Rose's apartment, helping her cut landscaping fabric so Rose could sew new grow bags for her plants. Hux had the day off work and was there too, out on Rose's balcony fixing some of her rain gutter irritation systems. The open door meant he was part of the conversation as well. It didn't change much to have him there. Hux was a good person. An easy friend to have. Sometimes he was safer to talk to than Rose, because he didn't insert himself so much into other people's business, and he kept things closer to the vest.

"What do you mean?" Rey asked.

She was having a good time right now. Rose had backed off considerably in the face of Rey's silence over the last few weeks, and she hadn't brought up Ben even once today. She'd asked Rey about how she was feeling, if the was uncomfortable yet, how many months, and added a few kind, Rose-sweet pleasantries, and then they'd talked about everything else. Nothing threatening. Nothing difficult. Hux asked if Rey had been watching the Premier League games (she had) and they fought about Man City versus Man-U for a while until Rose made them talk about something else. Rey asked about Paige, so Rose happily reported what she knew. Hux mentioned that his sister was now officially dating Zorri. They touched on politics, work, anything but the off-limits topics. And now, apparently, this.

"I don't know if it's like, 'pregnancy glow' or something, but you can't stop smiling." Rose glanced up at her over her sewing machine with a lopsided grin. "You just seem really happy. Not like you were a couple weeks ago."

That was when they'd tried to hang out while Ben was gone. Rey was not happy then. She was drowning in a wave of her own need and insecurity and trying to claw her way out without Rose's help because she couldn't rely on her friend to give unbiased advice.

"I am happy," she said simply. "I feel good. And I...I'm optimistic about the future."

"Wow." Rose's cheeks dimpled as her smile grew. "That sounds incredibly healthy."

"Wait, you're optimistic?" Hux chimed in from the balcony. "Our Rey? An optimist?"

Rey stuck her tongue out at him. "I'm not exactly Miss Doom and Gloom, Hux."

Rose laughed. "You're right, you're not a pessimist, but...you're not big on assuming the best of the unknown, either."

Okay, that was...a fair comment. Rey had a tendency to be, as Ben had teased her at the starts of their quarantine, a prepper. Not just in food materials, but in mental fortitude, too. She never counted on the promise that tomorrow, everything would work out. Life had taught her that tomorrow didn't mean shit. Only today mattered. She couldn't control what was coming down the road, so she operated under the idea that it would be bad, and she should be ready. It was survival skill. She dealt with what was in front of her, shoring herself to minimize suffering, and didn't look too far ahead with the hope that everything would work out.

But it wasn't like she went around spreading a cloud of negativity everywhere she went, either. She just didn't trust the future to take care of her, so she had to do it for herself.

"Yeah, okay, you're right. It's different for me. I don't know what it is," she acknowledged. "Things are just...great right now. And I feel like it might continue to be great."

Rose's eyes flashed with interest, but she hesitated. "Am I allowed to ask if Ben is involved in this greatness?"

"You are not."

Rose frowned, but she didn't press the issue. Hux leaned in and looked over at her expectantly. He seemed surprised when she didn't say anything else.

Rey lowered the fabric in her hands, glancing from Hux to Rose. "You know why I don't want you asking about that stuff anymore, right?"

She hadn't planned to get into this with her today. Rey's normal M-O was to sweep things she didn't want to talk about under the rug and pretend they didn't exist. She'd managed to do that just fine with Ben for years. She could probably do the same thing with Rose, just keep forging ahead with their friendship and never stop to address what had happened. But she was feeling reckless and open these days, and this new world where she and Ben were...whatever they were...it made her feel fierce. She wanted to put her injury on the table and demand that Rose look at it.

"Because I majorly offended you by what I said at Poe's party," said Rose, her voice quiet.

"It was a shit show, Rose," Rey said frankly.

"I know. I'm sorry," sighed her friend. "Can I explain why I flew off the handle? It doesn't make it better, I know. I just..."

"I don't know if I need you to. I can guess the reason. But fine, go ahead."

"I just got...frustrated. I was sad for you, honestly. Because your other prospects for a loving partnership were temporarily derailed — Thomas really liked you. But more than that, I was sad because you and Ben have been skirting this thing for so fucking long, and I figured when you finally got your acts together and fell into it, it was going to be epic. And you were going to be so happy. And I really wanted that for you, Rey. You deserve it. So when I heard...what I wasn't supposed to hear...it made me blow a gasket because I felt like you two had skipped all the good stuff and went straight to this crazy commitment that was going to be a burden to you both. I wanted you to have a beautiful honeymoon phase, and you just jumped straight to diapers and spitup and all that very unsexy stuff."

Hux worked on his task quietly, listening, but wisely staying out of it.

"As well-intentioned as it was," Rey said, keeping her voice measured and soft. "It wasn't any of your business. Whatever Ben and I choose to do with our lives is between us, no one else. I don't have to follow your prescribed path of happiness for me, and you can't get mad at me when I don't. Your reaction hurt, honestly. I didn't need for you to mourn my lost honeymoon phase. I needed for you to hug me and support me and tell me it was going to be okay because I was still freaking the hell out. Do you understand? I had just embarrassed myself in front of everyone, and I was scared and sad and humiliated and overwhelmed. I didn't need a lecture, Rose. I needed my friend. You didn't even ask how I felt about any of it."

Rose stared at her, a quiet kind of horror dawning in her gaze. "Oh my god, Rey."

"Yeah."

"I didn't ask, you're right." The realization in her face was genuine, at least. She looked at Hux, who glanced up at her with a wincing sort of smile. Her attention darted back to Rey, and she said helplessly, "I'm an asshole."

"You aren't normally, but yeah. You were then." Rey returned to the scissors in her hand and her task of cutting the fabric. "I love you, Rose, I just need you to let me navigate my own life, okay? You don't need to be so emotionally invested in stuff that isn't your business."

"Yeah, understood. I overstepped." Rose reached over her kitchen table to grab Rey's arm. "I'm really sorry. I wish I could go back and redo that moment. I was so awful to you."

Rey didn't have it in her to hold Rose over the fire for too long right now. Her mood was too good. Her heart too inclined to joy these days. She smiled and laughed softly. "This isn't the end of our friendship, Rose. It might be, if you do it again. But in the meantime, we're okay. Just — boundaries, yeah?"

"Yeah. Definitely." Rose smiled too.

"Just curious," Hux chimed in now, keeping his voice neutral, "if everything hadn't gone the way it did, how long were you planning on trying to hide it from all of us?"

Rey hadn't considered this. She wanted to keep it between her and Ben for longer than they got, true, but in the end, she really didn't care how her friends found out, she just didn't want to deal with the drama of their reactions. "A few weeks, probably."

"You wouldn't have lasted that long," said Hux.

Rey arched a brow. "You don't think? Unlike our Rosie here, I'm great at secrets."

"Doesn't matter," he said, shrugging. "Poe had already guessed. He said it was a feeling, and also because of how you were acting that night, and how Solo was acting. One of us probably would have outed you before you told us yourself."

"Poe," Rey sighed. Poe, who knew Ben better than any of the others, who knew relationships better than any of the others, who, apparently, could read signs better than any of the others. "Well, ship's sailed now anyway, so..."

"Sailed, landed, and colonized," Hux laughed. "You definitely can't hide it now, walking around with a size 3 football under your shirt."

"She is not that big yet," Rose said disparagingly. To Rey, she ventured a shy smile. "How are you feeling about it now? Do you feel ready for this?"

"Not even remotely." Rey shook her head. "I still have no idea what the hell I'm doing. And my emotions have gone haywire so it's hard to know what's real and what's hormonal. But Ben has a more level head about it than I do, so that's at least one of us."

"He was always the adult of you two," Hux remarked.

Rey flashed him a sneer. There was no heat in it. This was just how they were with each other. Hux occupied a spot in her heart where she imagined a brother would fit.

Rose grinned. "Is that part of your optimism about the future? That even if you're a wreck, he'll be steady?"

"Yeah, I think it is." Rey laughed now. "If I bungle this all up, at least there's backup."

"Or maybe you should be the backup," said Hux.

Rey picked up Rose's empty pin cushion and threw it at his head.

Honestly, her elevated mood was probably a high induced by the frequent hits of endorphins she took every time she kissed Ben. Every day since he felt the baby move and expressed his gratitude had been a surreal dream. Every bit the opposite of the emotional canyon she fell into while he was gone. She wasn't confused or upset or lonely. She wasn't afraid of her feelings. She wasn't wrestling with her heart. For the first time since the world turned upside down in Holdo's office, Rey felt like she had her feet under her and she could face all the unknown to come without her usual trepidation.

It might have annoyed her that Ben and his lips had such a powerful effect on it, but it felt too good to question. So she didn't. She embraced it. Somewhere along the way, Rey realized that she'd fallen in love with him. She couldn't pinpoint exactly when, and she couldn't say with perfect confidence that he felt the same, but the kiss burned away the last of her resistance and she could finally put a name to the Big Feelings swirling around inside her. She didn't think they had anything to do with hormones, because they felt like they'd been there longer than twenty weeks.

Whatever Ben felt, Rey had never seen a more content man. His wonderful, addictive mouth wore an unconscious smile almost all of the time now. The accusation Rose had thrown at her could easily be said for Ben, too. In contrast to the way he seemed like he was on the verge of losing his cool all the time, he also acted...deeply pleased. He practically purred with satisfaction whenever they were home together, especially when they were tangled up on the couch watching something, his arms around her so he could feel the little nudges and bumps that knocked against the inside of her skin. The sounds rumbling around in his huge cavernous chest were some of the nicest she'd ever heard.

Rey wasn't sure how long they could last like this.

"So, we haven't really talked about this," said Ben, pulling away from the light, navigating them through the city, towards their appointment. "But are we finding out?"

"Finding out what?"

"The sex."

"Oh." Rey blinked. Weird. They hadn't talked about that. Rey scratched at the side of her neck, wondering how they could have overlooked this one pretty big conversation. Things were falling through the cracks, maybe, as they tried to figure out what the new boundaries of their relationship were. "I didn't even consider the option of not finding out. Do you want to wait and be surprised?"

"No." He cracked a little smile and sent it her way. "Do you?"

"I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter, it's not like we have a nursery to paint in stereotypical, heteronormative gendered colors. But…I don't think I'm patient enough to wait."

"Me neither."

She ran a hand absently over her swell, looking out the window as the city streets marched around them. "Which do you want more?"

Sometimes she tried to imagine herself as a mother, tried to imagine caring for a small boy, wondered if he'd be the spitting image of his father. Other times she tried to imagine a little girl, maybe a mix of them both. She struggled to conceptualize either, and especially struggled to see herself in that role. She couldn't really say if she wanted a boy child or a girl child, when just the idea of a child was foreign enough.

"Both," said Ben.

"Both! You want two?"

"I want a dozen."

"A dozen!" His grin was so ridiculous, it made her laugh. "Since when? We've been friends for years, Ben, and you've never once mentioned wanting to have even a single kid, let alone a dozen."

He chuckled. "I didn't know it would feel like this."

"Well, good luck with your brood, and good luck finding the person to give you that brood."

"Oh, that'll be you." He tapped her on the shoulder. "In case you didn't know. I don't plan on making a dozen babies with a dozen women. I'm a one-girl kind of guy."

Heat rushed through her cheeks and she laughed again. "Calm down, Solo. Next time, you do the hard part and then we can talk about more of them."

God, the look on his face. He looked positively delirious with delight, and she didn't know if it was the mention of next time or more or that she didn't refute his claim on her that made him speed up the car a little. Rey didn't even really know what it meant herself, but she liked the effect it had on him.

They pulled in to the imaging center parking lot. Ben turned towards her. "Okay, all kidding aside. Honestly, I don't care what we're having. I'm just happy we're having one at all."

Rey's fingers found and curled into his shirt and she dragged him towards her, finding his lips, stopping him from saying any more soft things that made her feel like melted butter on the inside. Because twenty weeks ago, if someone had told her she'd be having a surprise baby with Ben Solo and that he'd be happy about it, she'd have thought they were crazy.

He made a low contended noise against her, through her, his hand finding the back of her head, moving in against her so he could deepen the kiss. His tongue teased against hers. She sighed happily into him.

"You're gonna make us late for the appointment," he reminded her softly, but the grin twitching at the corner of his lips said maybe he didn't mind so much.

Rey pecked him one more time. "Then let's go."

He was out of his side in a flash, darting around to hers and opening the door for her. He took her hand as they walked in.

Rey filled out some paperwork and let them scan her ID and insurance card (one of the inconveniences about being a freelancer, she could only afford the worst insurance) and Ben covered her copay despite her protests. She didn't want to argue in front of the woman taking the payment, so she waited until they sat down in the lobby to confront him about it.

"I could have paid for that myself, Ben. It's my appointment."

He rolled his eyes. "First of all, if you have to do all the physical stuff, I should at least have to do the financial stuff. Second of all, I know your insurance is garbage, Rey, and this whole thing — not just today, but all of it — is going to come down hard on you. I have savings. It won't ruin me, but it will ruin you, so we're not having this discussion."

Rey frowned, but she didn't really have any argument to make there. Ben made better money than she did, and he was mindful about where every dollar went, so no doubt he did have the savings for all this. She definitely didn't.

"I, on the other hand, have great insurance," he said, tipping his head back against the wall with this funny little smile.

"Cuz that helps," she said sarcastically.

Ben smirked.

A TV hung high on the wall across from them played a loop of recycled videos about appropriate post-virus care now that the health crisis was over. It didn't hold Rey's attention. There weren't any other patients here yet, so there wasn't much to look at either. She was starting to get that nervous feeling she always had in doctor's offices, even though she knew nothing unpleasant would be happening here today. Or at least, she hoped nothing unpleasant would be happening here today. Who knew what they'd see on the ultrasound. To distract herself from overthinking, she picked up her phone and sent a quick text to Leia.

Ben noticed. "So you and my mom text each other now?"

"I told her I'd let her know when we were here. She's excited."

"Wait, she's not coming..." Concern flared in his voice and he leaned forward, plush mouth pulling into a frown.

"No." She laughed. "Don't worry. But I did tell her you'd call when we were done. She wants to know everything."

"Good." He relaxed, reaching out to pluck a magazine off the coffee table in front of them, thumbing through it. He kept his tone casual, but Rey knew better. "I can do that. I just…don't want anyone else part of this."

"I know," she said softly. "It's ours, Ben. This is just me and you."

He didn't look up from the magazine when he reached over and took her hand, and she didn't miss the way his throat bobbed in a swallow. Still, he didn't say anything.

The door to the back swung open and a woman appeared in the doorway. "Rey?" she called.

Ben put the magazine back and they stood together, heading over.

"I'm Maeve," the woman said with a smile. "It's nice to meet you, Rey."

"You too," said Rey.

They followed her back through a corridor of closed doors and around a corner. She ushered them into a dimly lit room with a slightly inclined bed, a big TV on the wall, and a machine that now looked familiar. The whole thing reminded Rey of the room in Hold's office, except the bed was far less intimidating. No stirrups.

"So you're just here for your twenty-week anatomy scan, is that right?" Maeve asked, closing the door behind them.

"Yes."

"Great. I'll be helping you out with that today," she said genially. "Go ahead and take a seat on the bed, Rey. Your husband can sit right here." She motioned to a couple chairs tucked into a corner. "Feel free to bring your seat up next to the bed if you want, Dad. Just stay on this side so we don't trip each other up. Rey, can you confirm your date of birth for me please, and the first day of your last menstrual period?"

Rey told her both, meanwhile wondering if such assumptions ever got this woman in trouble. For all she knew Ben could have been a supportive friend, or a brother, or…anything. Still, it didn't exactly bother Rey. Not enough to say anything about it, at least.

"Alright, I'm going to go ahead and give you a minute to get undressed from the waist down. When you're done, lay down on the bed and put this over your lap. Do either of you need a water or anything?"

They both shook their heads. Maeve gave the sheet to Rey and then stepped out, promising to return in a minute.

"I feel like we're old pros at this," Ben remarked, moving his chair next to Rey's exam table. She slid off and started pulling off her clothes. She knew what he meant — this time was a lot less intimidating than the first, now that she recognized and understood the process a little better. Still, it made her laugh.

"Because we've done this exactly once. That makes us pros."

He took her clothes from her and put them in his lap, folding them up neatly in unconscious habit. Rey settled back on the table and draped the sheet over her exposed lap, watching his movements with amusement. Tidy Ben. So much her opposite.

"So, I noticed you didn't correct her," he said after a minute, setting her things on the unoccupied chair.

"You didn't either."

The corner of his mouth curled up, his jaw working back and forth over some amused quip he didn't share. Eventually he said, "Well, I suppose it doesn't matter, does it?"

"I'm not planning on seeing her again," Rey agreed with a shrug. "So it's not a big deal if she wants to think that."

Ben folded his arms over his chest, leaning back in his chair to stretch his long legs out. He tucked his chin in, eyes on the floor, that little smile lingering. "Sure."

"When do you think we should start talking about names?" Rey asked, deliberately changing the subject.

Ben over at her in surprise, looking as if this had not occurred to him. Which was funny, because in every other particular he seemed to be ten steps ahead of her. Yet another conversation that had been pulled under by their stubborn refusal to talk about meaningful things. "Names…Yeah. I guess we do need to do that."

"Obviously what we learn here will help narrow down our options." Rey tried to keep it light, because for some reason her heart squeezed with a strange, jumpy little pressure to think about discussing name preferences with him, deciding the sounds that this new person would go by for the rest of their lives.

She didn't know who named her. She didn't know where Rey came from, except that people had been calling her that all her life. Even Johnson was something someone just tossed onto her for no discernible reason. It wasn't her parent's last name, as far as anyone knew. They'd left no information at all of themselves when they abandoned her. Rey tried to look into it once. She couldn't get far. There was simply nothing to find.

So it seemed a monumentally important task. The first parental right she didn't really know how to seize.

"Where did Ben come from?" she asked him. A long time ago she tried calling him Benjamin as a joke. He told her Ben wasn't short for anything. He wasn't Benjamin.

"My great-uncle," he said. "My grandpa's brother. Both my mom and Luke were pretty close to him growing up, I guess. I don't know a whole lot about him, to be honest. He died when I was pretty young."

Rey remembered Leia telling her how she wasn't close to her father at all. It didn't surprise her she'd not chosen to name Ben after him instead. But she hadn't heard about this uncle, so it did tickle her curiosity a little. She supposed families were a very common source for names. Would Ben want to use a family name?

She didn't have long to think about this, because a moment later Maeve was back, cheerful and friendly and ready to get down to business. She tucked a pillow behind Rey's back and one behind her head, sliding one more under Rey's knees. "So you're comfortable," she said. It helped a little with the pressure of being mostly on her back. She got the machine going, and gently lifted Rey's shirt up over her bump, pulling the sheet down until it was just covering her groin.

"Is this your first baby?" she asked conversationally as she squirted warm gel over Rey's rounded skin.

Rey slid one hand behind her head to prop herself up better than the pillow itself did, feeling a little awkward at this semi-reclined angle.

"Yeah," she said.

"Exciting! Well, the way this works is we're gonna take some measurements and check out Baby's skeleton and organs, alright? Make sure everything looks good. I won't be able to tell you everything that I see, that's for you and your doctor to discuss, but I can point out some things. We'll take some fun pictures too, if Baby will cooperate. Are you wanting to find out the sex?"

"Yes," said Rey, glancing again at Ben for confirmation.

He nodded.

"Great," said Maeve. She picked up the transducer and swirled it through the gel on Rey's abdomen. She settled in, running it over the curve. Blobby black and white images appeared on the TV screen. Rey knew immediately that there was a lot more to see than last time, just from a couple swipes of the transducer. Something that looked really big occupied that black bubble of space.

"Ooohkay," Maeve cooed softly, swiveling her instrument to a spot she liked. A big round object blobbed onto the screen. "So we're just gonna start from the top and make our way down to the toes. This is looking down at the top of Baby's head. I'm just gonna take some measurements here…"

She clicked a button and Rey and Ben watched as a white line on the screen pivoted across the circumference of the crown. The oval suddenly bobbed out of the way, engulfed in darkness, leaving the white stretched over nothing. Rey felt a simultaneous tumble inside her, something firm and large pushing into her side. She winced.

"Camera shy," Maeve joked. She slid the transducer around a little, searching for the lump.

"Hard relate," Ben murmured. Rey laughed softly.

Maeve hummed in amusement when she found another round object. "Looks like we got ourselves a flipper here. Now we're looking at a butt. Might as well take a peek at the goods while we're at it, huh? Solve the mystery?"

Rey nodded, glancing between Maeve and the screen. For reasons she didn't fully understand, her heart started to race. She peeked at Ben beside her. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, hands clasped together and up against his lips as he started intently at the flatscreen where images of their child appeared in grainy, uncertain detail.

"Shy little thing, aren't you, Baby?" Maeve said softly, "Keeping those legs crossed and tucked. Very modest."

She pressed the transducer into Rey's skin a little firmer, nudging the lump Rey guessed was a bum. The little thing inside her, and the thing on the screen, squirmed.

"Better," hummed Maeve. "Kick, kick. That's it."

Rey really had no idea what they were looking at now. It seemed like a lot of visual nonsense. But apparently it made sense to the trained eye of their sonographer because Maeve made a satisfied sound and announced:

"Okay, so looks like you two have got a little girl on the way."

A girl.

Maeve laughed. "Well, well, see right here? That's a very clear view of the labia — definitely a girl. She's not going to leave us with any doubt."

She.

Rey's heart felt like it had stopped in her chest now. Not pounding, but utterly still, held there in suspension with her breath. A warm sensation radiated from her center, trickling through her limbs and veins and breaths. A sensation like —

She looked over at Ben.

"A…daughter…" he said in a choked, broken voice, his hands falling away from his face. When he turned towards her, she saw that his eyes were — glistening.

"Ben," she gasped, reaching her hand out towards him. "Are you…?"

He shook his head, swallowing hard, unable to speak, taking her hand and pressing it to his mouth in a trembling kiss.

"You — you can't — cry," she said unsteadily, pressure already forming in her chest, in her throat, behind her eyes. Her vision swam as she welled up. "Or I'm gonna—"

Too late.

Tears were sliding down the sides of her face now, the feeling of love overwhelming her, for him, for their daughter. For this silly, presumptuous, likable ultrasound technician. Rey felt like she could love the whole world right now, so big and full was her heart, and how mushy it was, seeing the way Ben was shattered by his own emotions. A titan of a man, reduced to a tearful mess because of a tiny, sweet potato-sized girl. He scooted in close, hiding against Rey's shoulder, shuddering through his own tears.

After a minute he huffed this breathless kind of laugh and lifted his head again, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. His voice sounded soft and wrecked. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's happening."

"It's alright," Maeve said, so gently. "It's normal."

He stood up and leaned over to kiss Rey, and she thought maybe it was her favorite kiss yet, gentle and brief and heatless as it was, because there was so much tenderness in the way his lips brushed over hers. He pulled back and held there for a second, eyes pouring into hers. Her hand rested on his cheek. Rey felt absolutely drowned in his stare.

And something clicked into place in her mind.

Oh.

"I love you," he breathed, and his breath hitched.

Yes. He did. She saw it. She felt it. Every cell of her body of her body ignited with the knowledge.

"I love you too," she whispered.

"Adorable," Maeve sighed happily. "You two are adorable. I got a cute shot of her feet, by the way. I'll print it for you at the end. I'm going to move on to check some of her organs and her heart."

Ben sat back down on his chair, but took her hand again, resting his arm on the table beside her. His eyes lingered on her too. Rey knew she should pay attention, she wanted to see, but she couldn't make herself look away from him.

It wasn't until Maeve clicked on the audio and their daughter's heartbeat came racing through the room like the steady, sure gallop of a small horse that their attention broke and snapped back to the screen. They could see the little muscle and its dark, seemingly empty chambers, pumping away in a perfect approximation of how it would work her whole life. A miraculous machine meant to cycle and recycle, to carry her forward, to power the miracle of her mind. But more than that too, a metaphorical seat for her tiny, new soul. A place that would swell with joys and break with sorrows, that would throb with something so much like pain but too good to actually hurt when the person she loved best in the world said that they loved her too. A piece of herself she would let someone else take, because she trusted them to keep it safe.

A heart Rey would fiercely protect her whole life.

She couldn't stop brushing away tears with her one free hand, even as Maeve continued the scan, checked the little sweet potato's brain, checked her spine, checked her face.

They saw a bean-shape in profile, with a skeletal spine in bright white shapes running down the length of it. The bean squirmed and rolled away into the darkness, forcing Maeve to chase her once again. Her tiny legs kicked and she tumbled restlessly. Rey experienced the strangest collision of information, seeing the manifestation on the screen, feeling each twist and push within her. It made it all so real. So incredibly real. And for the first time since all this began, Rey was overcome with the ache to have this active little creature in her arms.

They looked at all her organs, her tiny kidneys and bladder and lungs, counted her toes, counted her fingers. They saw the profile of a face, too. A round head, tiny nose, little lips. A tiny first, curled up by her eyes.

"Does she look more like Mom, or Dad?" Maeve asked, and then laughed, because there was no way to answer that question from the low-quality images on the screen.

The baby's other hand was splayed open. Maeve got a picture.

"She's waving hello!"

She was the most beautiful thing Rey had ever seen. Fuzzy and grainy and a little alien, definitely alien, with the black holes where the ultrasound waves couldn't pick up her eyes, the way her bones appeared in bright white, her skinny little limbs, but still perfect in every way.

"She's measuring a little bit small for her gestational age," Maeve said lightly. "But I'd be surprised if your doc changes your due date. I think she's just a dainty little thing."

This was Ben's baby. Rey didn't think there would be much little about her in a decade or so. But maybe. At this point, who knew? Rey's imagination was running away with all the possibilities for how this girl would look as an infant, as a child, as a grown woman. A piece of Ben. A piece of Rey. Living and walking around the world.

Maeve finished up by taking some measurements of the uterus, ovaries, and placenta, the amniotic fluid, the cord, and a few other procedural things Rey didn't fully understand. She printed out a string of images for them — two crossed feet, an outstretched, wide-fingered hand, a profile of her face, a profile of her whole body, and a close up of some grainy little lips and a wee nose.

"Okay," Maeve announced after she wiped Rey free off the gel. "You're free to go after you get dressed. We'll send this information over to your doctor and she can discuss it with you at your next appointment. Congratulations, you guys."

"Thank you," Rey told her.

Ben stood, his huge body unfolding and taking up entirely too much space in that little room. "Yes, thank you."

Maeve smiled again and ducked out.

Rey took the towel she gave her and began wipe the rest of the gel away.

Ben handed her clothes over. She felt a little shaky getting dressed, and her heart wouldn't stop hammering in her chest. She could feel Ben watching her. The weight of his stare made her limbs feel like jelly.

When she got herself put back together, he stepped into her, wrapping his hands around her waist to give her another incredibly tender kiss, one that promised something profound.

"We need to talk," he rumbled quietly. "Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere," she said.

Ben took her hand and pulled her efficiently out of the little room and out of the imaging center entirely.

Last summer, Poe decided that the friend group was too used to comfort, and they should all try roughing it for a few days. A bonding experience, he said. He organized a three day camping trip in the mountains, a couple hours away from any modern amenities. At first he wanted to make it a backpacking trip, but a number of the friends (Rey included) could not afford to buy appropriate gear, or even rent it, and the other handful just didn't want to. So he capitulated by agreeing to a car-camping experience.

Everyone indulged Poe's eccentricities. They usually worked out for the best and they all made great memories. This, however, was not one of those times.

The remote campground he'd planned on was a first-come-first-serve deal. They didn't accept reservations. When they got there, all the spaces were filled. And so was the next one. And the next. And the next. All the reserved sites were full too. They finally ended up at this sad little campground beside a reservoir about 20 minutes away from home, not in the mountains at all. That too ended up being crowded, but at least they got a few tent pads.

They managed to find a little bit of the good moods they'd started the day with once they got to roast hot dogs, but even that took too much arguing about how exactly one built a fire, until Ben finally shut them all up by revealing his previously secret bushcraft skills and made a wonderful fire. That was they day they all learned Ben had earned his Eagle, growing up in the scouting program, and forever after teased him about being the group's resident Boy Scout.

The good moods sustained them until bed, where they quickly deteriorated again. Nobody slept well that night. Another group at the far end of the campground had a dog who wouldn't stop barking. Most of the friends didn't have adequate gear. Some of them, like Rose, were terrified a bear was going to come eat them in the night.

Rey had never been camping before, but she didn't think it was as bad as everyone else. She had grown up sleeping with the unease of being exposed and vulnerable, so even though she hadn't done it since becoming an adult, her body adapted to the unfamiliar, vaguely threatening surroundings quickly. She didn't think about bears or other animals. And Ben had given her a camping pad and sleeping bag to use, so she was comfortable. Hux and Rose, and Gwen and her girlfriend at the time, all shared a tent, and Poe and Finn shared a tent. So Rey ended up in another with Jess, Tallie, and Jannah. Jannah had some previous camping experience and promptly went to sleep. Jess and Tallie, however, were among the underprepared, overly-nervous, and spent the night softly complaining about being uncomfortable, or cold, or scared by every sound. Rey tried to ignore them, but once Jannah started snoring, she gave up.

She took her stuff and went outside. Ben had elected to forgo a tent entirely. He didn't want to share with anyone, so he declined every invitation and just laid a tarp on his spot. Rey found him there, stretched out on his back in his down bag, on his long pad, looking up at the stars. She put her stuff down next to him and joined him. They didn't even say anything. They didn't have to.

Everyone woke up grumpy, annoyed about the sun rising earlier than they wanted, and by mid-morning tempers were flaring again.

Ben wandered off, abandoning the others to their bickering while he set off on a trail that vanished into the woods around the reservoir. Rey saw him go, and hurried to follow. He smiled a little when she caught up to him, but again, neither of them really spoke.

The trail wound around a little and them climbed a hill that rose up out of the woods. They made their way to the top and were rewarded with a lovely view of the sparkling reservoir and a glimmering city beyond it, all fresh and new in the morning sunlight. The campground lay below them, and they could see their friends trying to make oatmeal and omelets on the camping stove Poe had bought for the occasion. They couldn't hear the arguing, though, which made this lofty spot perfect. They sat side by side on the grassy knoll, looking out over everything, snatching peace in the midst of a poorly-conceived idea.

They were good at that.

Things often worked out that way for them. When the unexpected befell them, they adapted. All their improvised solutions to curveballs had turned into some of their best memories.

Ben drove to the reservoir now. He parked at the same campground, now empty in the middle of a late May week, and together they headed for the same trail. Just like before, they didn't really talk. Unlike before, though, they went hand in hand. The forest smelled clean and fresh, and Rey thought it might be the best air she'd breathed in a long time. Sunlight streamed through new spring growth, tinging the green leaves gold and the blossoms fiery white. The air against her skin was crisp and full.

When they got to the top of the hill, Rey felt completely calm. The high from what had happened at the imaging center lingered, but it soothed into something less dizzying, more sweet. That same peace they'd found up here before wrapped around her now, settling deep into her bones, into her full, happy heart.

They sat in roughly the same spot, overlooking the water and the city.

And for a while, they were silent. Just listening to birdsong and insect percussion, part of life but removed from it as well.

Eventually, though, Ben spoke.

"I need to tell you something."

She looked over at him. The sunlight softened the black of his hair, drawing out a deep shade of brown normally too dark to detect, tinging it with a reddish glow.

"Is it about we said in the office?" she asked softly.

He nodded. "It's about that. Because for a long time I've been pretending, and I don't think I can do that anymore. I don't want to open this door if you aren't willing to walk through it with me, but I can't — I can't let you misunderstand what I meant there. And I can't listen to you say things like that back and keep my silence. I'm sorry if this ruins everything."

Hmm. Maybe she'd misinterpreted what she saw in his face. She thought she saw love, the same kind he felt, but possibly she'd misread it. Still, she wouldn't jump to conclusions right now. She would wait to hear what he had to say.

"I do love you, Ben."

"I know you do," he murmured, picking at a blade of grass. "We couldn't be as close as we are without it. But I don't love you like that, Rey. Not in the kind of way that friends say oh, she's great, I love her. Or see you tomorrow, love you! I have never, ever felt that way about you."

Rey held her breath, her guts twisting in a funny kind of anticipation.

Ben turned to her. His eyes warm milk chocolate in the sun. They were boyish and vulnerable, but they also glimmered with something that was distinctly adult. Distinctly man.

"I'm in love with you, Rey. I have been for years."

A puff of air escaped her lips. An exquisite warmth spread through her breast.

She knew.

It was what she realized in the office, what she'd witnessed in his face and in his actions for a long time now. She'd seen it every day since she'd told him what happened. She'd seen it throughout their acquaintance, in his kindness. In his affection. In all their interactions. She'd seen it, but had not recognized what it was before today. Before he looked at her the way he had.

And she couldn't breathe, because the knowledge streaked through her on burning tides. Ben was hers.

His eyes searched her, searched for some reply to rescue him from this ledge off which he dangled. She reached for him, for his face. She ran her fingers down his brow, brushing some of that silky hair behind his ear, trailing her fingertips down his cheek.

"I think I knew that's what you meant. It's what I meant, when I said it. The way I feel for you — it isn't what friends feel. It's...more. I'm in love with you too."

His eyes widened in astonishment, in disbelief.

She exhaled shakily. "I'm sorry it's taken me this long to know it. Ive been too afraid to face my own feelings. Too afraid of what I felt for you, because I thought you didn't want it."

He huffed a soft, incredulous breath, shaking his head. "Did you honestly miss all the signs? Did you honestly believe I wouldn't want you?"

"I was too scared of the possibility to consider anything else. What we had was too good. It made me happy enough. I thought I could live that way forever, rather than making it—"

"Complicated," he finished for her. "Yeah. Me too."

"I couldn't let myself want you like that, Ben. I couldn't risk being thrown away again."

Ben's brow knit together, his eyes rapidly filling with concern. She brushed her fingers over his skin again, reassuring him out of his reply so she could continue.

"But while you were gone, I realized it's too late to worry about that now. It's complicated, even if we didn't want it to be. So I have to face it, because I can't — I can't watch you make a life with anyone else. You've always been mine. And I've always been yours."

A strangled little sound died somewhere in his throat, a whimper, maybe, of desperation. "There's no one else, Rey. There never has been." But there was a tiny look of uncertainty in his face too. He slid a hand onto her bump. "Do you — is there any possibility that these things you're feeling are just...just because of her?"

"No," said Rey. "And yes. It's what you said, on the phone. What happened has been the catalyst to push me into confronting the feelings I've had for you for a long time. Longer than I thought. Maybe as long as you."

"Not possible," he breathed, pulling her into him, his lips ghosting over hers, but not quite touching yet. "I have loved you from the start, Rey. And there's no way for you to know how deep my feelings for you go. I went along with being your best friend because, like you said, it was too good to risk. But all along, there has never been anyone for me but you. I know you, Rey Johnson. I see all of you. And I will never throw you away."

Tears welled in her eyes again and she melted into him, into his touch, his insistence, his Ben-ness. He held her and brushed away her tears, as he had many times before. And then he did kiss her. His lips were bold and firm their their mission, tenderness mingled with a kind of ferocity made to convince her of his promise. His thumb and forefinger held her chin to steady her, keep her there. Not that Rey could have parted from him if she wanted to. And she really, really didn't want to.

She grazed her teeth into his lower lip, and he made this noise, and then her tongue swiped against his in greeting.

His arms wound around her and he sunk back in the grass, pulling her halfway on top of him. She supported herself so she didn't crush her belly against him, wholly committed to devouring as much as she could find. His fingers traveled down her arms and up them again.

"God I love you," he groaned into her mouth.

"Say it again," she sighed.

"I love you."

She took to his lips again, hungry for so much more, moving herself to straddle over him, bracing herself on his chest. His hands slid up her thighs, over her sides, around her bump, everywhere he could touch. It was awkward, hovering like that to protect her swell, and maybe he sensed it because suddenly he was sitting up again, pushing her back in his lap, and there was room enough between them for her, and now she could run her fingertips along the crest of his ears and into his soft, silky hair.

He pushed her back after a minute though, holding her face between his hands, his eyes searching hers intently. "Can we please break your lease?"

She blinked, looking up from his blood-plump lips. "What?"

"Your lease, on your apartment. Please let me pay to break it. You're already living with me ninety percent of the time now, let's just bring your stuff and make it all the time."

Her eyes widened and she sat back a little more. "You want me to move in?"

"Yes," he said. "Rey, I don't want to co-parent with you. I want to be a family. The three of us."

"The fourteen of us."

"What?"

"You said you want a dozen." A slow, sly smile spread unbidden at the corners of her mouth. "Better get a bigger place than your condo. I don't know where we'd put a dozen of them."

He laughed. It was the best sound in the world. "I'm working on it, sweetheart. In the meantime, does that mean yes? You're done with your apartment for good?"

She blushed at the pet name, but didn't correct him for once. There were no rules anymore. "I think you'll regret it when you realize how much stuff I have."

He laughed again, softer this time, kissing her, then trailing his mouth down her neck to suckle briefly at her collarbone. "I know you, Rey. I know exactly how much stuff you have. Bring it all."

A/N: No, no, calm down, they're not really having twelve children. But there is a ring and Ben's down payment fund and some names to discuss. So, stay tuned.

Updates might be a little slower this week, guys. I need to divert my attention to something else for a bit, but I promise I will still update. Just maybe every 4ish days instead of every 2. Just for a little bit.

ALSO, I went back and forth for a bit with baby's gender, because Ben is such a papa of little girls, but also my baby son has me soft for tiny boys right now. Your guys' input definitely helped. And I was so soft for the suggestion about naming her Olive! *melts* but guys...Olive Solo sounds terrible out loud. Say it out loud. It sounds like "I'll live solo." So...I dunno. Gonna have to think about this a bit. I have a whole fun chapter outlined where they discuss names.