"Eighteen hours." Reno slammed a thousand gil down on the table, rattling the glasses. "He's going to go into labour in the evening, then skip his morning meetings because Tseng will insist, but be back to work by lunch the next day."

"Oh, come on! He'll at least take a full day off, and he can't plan when he's going to go into labour," Rod protested.

"The hell he can't! This is a man who goes into heat twice a year, on a scheduled day off, and it only lasts twelve hours. He's in charge of his body, not nature.""

Cloud laughed as Rod argued back. "I think we all know that that's because Tseng's pretty much a god in bed. He can't control his own body like that." Rufus's pregnancy had been the hot topic in Shinra ever since it was announced. No one had known that they had been trying, and everyone was excited for them. Tseng seemed overwhelmingly happy about it, and his office seemed to be acquiring more and more baby things each time Cloud went to visit with him.

Seeing Tseng's happiness, and knowing how important children were for their small population, he couldn't help but wonder if Sephiroth was really okay with not having them, and he felt a twinge of guilt. He had been to see Doctor Gast a few days ago, and the doctor had brought up his sterilization. He hadn't completely understood everything Gast had said; anatomy was complicated and there were a lot of weird words. But the gist of it was that if he really wanted to, they could try to reverse the procedure. It had a very low chance of success, however, because his initial sterilization had been badly done and his tubes were damaged. It would mean cutting him open in a few places to try and fix the damage. If it did work and he got pregnant, they would probably have to cut him open to get the baby out because of the scarring from the switch.

The thought of it made his blood run cold. He remembered all too well how much it had hurt when he woke up after being taken to the doctor. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad with Sephiroth there to support him, but all he could imagine when he tried to consider it was the pain and fear he had felt as he had lain on his bed, wondering what they had done to him and if he was going to die.

"So, Cloud, what's the plan for after you mate?"

Drawn out of his thoughts, Cloud felt his cheeks warm as the little group of omegas turned towards him, though he wasn't sure if it was embarrassment or the alcohol making him flush. "Like, what I'm going to do?"

"Yeah." Rod topped off his glass for him.

"Yeah, have you decided anything?" Reno asked. "You guys spent ages talking that first day. Will you go on missions with him?"

Cloud gave his head a shake and immediately regretted it when the room span. Another sip of his drink steadied him. "Not right away, at least. He wants to take me somewhere after we mate to … he called it … honeymoon? For just the two of us. It's some sort of old tradition that betas have?"

The group began to laugh and whistle, wondering where they would go and what they'd be getting up to.

"You guys have to help me decide where to go. It's my choice, but I don't know anything! He gave me a bunch of brochures and magazines yesterday."

"Yeah, we can help you," Wedge said. "And then what? Back to Midgar?"

"Yep. I want to keep taking classes and improving my skills so I can figure out what I want to do, and he said it's a good idea."

Reno laughed. "He probably just wants you to learn more cookie recipes."

Cloud shook his head and took another drink. "Probably, but those ones I made the other day were really good, so I don't mind. While I'm doing that, he's going to teach me some stuff for surviving in the wild, and then …"

"And then?"

"And then we'll see. He says I don't need a job, that he can take care of me, but if I find something that I'm passionate about and need to stay in Midgar for it, he'll transfer to a desk position. It doesn't matter if what I want to do pays. If I don't mind travelling, he'll keep working in the field. He …" Cloud smiled, thinking of the alpha who seemed to care so much about his happiness. "He said that I can change my mind however many times I want. He's good enough that Shinra won't ever risk losing him."

"What a cocky fucking asshole!" Rod raised his glass in a toast. "To cocky assholes! At least they have good cocks!"

Cloud laughed with the others and raised his glass. Jesse caught his eye and gave him a shy smile. The omega was a couple years younger than most of them, and by far the most sober person in the room. "How're you settling in, Jesse?" he asked.

"Not bad, but I miss my family. I like you guys, and it's been great getting to know other omegas, but I kinda want to go back to Mideel until I need to mate. I don't think I'm cut out for city life."

Cloud couldn't help but be a little bit jealous of Jesse. He had a whole family. A mom, and a dad, and two little sisters, and they loved him. He often lay awake at night, thinking about what that would have been like. He couldn't remember his mother at all, and he sometimes wondered if she had wanted to keep him. He didn't know who his father was. For all he knew, he could have remained in Nibelheim, happy to watch his unwanted child suffer.

"Have you talked to Tseng about it?" Wedge asked. "I know Mideel's far, but he can at least arrange for you to go visit sometimes. Or maybe they could come here."

He shook his head. "I don't want to be even more of a hassle. They already put in that phone connection so I can call whenever I want. And mom says that Shinra's doing a lot to help improve things there."

"Yeah, well." Rod downed his drink and poured another. "They're grateful. And maybe we shouldn't have to be grateful that they had the decency to treat you like you're a person, but that's the way this world is. So cheers to Mideel. May the rest of the planet catch on."

After the toast, Reno turned back to him with a frown. "Sephiroth's been scent marking you, right? To make sure the other alphas leave you alone?"

Cloud blushed and bobbed his head.

"You okay with that? It's pretty intimate, isn't it?"

"Umm …" He glanced around at the others who were listening intently with concern in their expressions. "He, umm … he masturbates. In the other room. Then … then rubs it on my scent glands."

They all burst out laughing and Reno stood on wobbly legs. "I hereby declare that any alpha who wants to mate with us has to prove his love by jerking off into a cup to mark his territory. For … at least a month. Otherwise it's not love."

More glasses were raised and cheers of agreement filled the room. Cloud couldn't help but wonder what he had started. He was pretty sure he'd feel badly if any of them remembered this in the morning and carried through with it. But he was so appreciative of what Sephiroth was doing. He knew that at this point he should have been having sex with his chosen alpha regularly, and that he would scent mark him as a natural part of that so other alphas would know to stay away even though they weren't mated yet. But while Sephiroth held his hand and cuddled with him whenever Cloud wanted, he never pushed for more, even though Cloud could tell he wanted it. It was embarrassing and a bit gross to get rapidly cooling jizz rubbed on his neck every few days, but Sephiroth was willing to keep him safe from the others without actually making him do anything sexual.

It meant everything to him, and he'd never felt so free as he had in the past month.

XXX

Cloud closed the travel magazine he had been looking at and sighed. There were so many places in the world. How was he supposed to decide where he wanted to go? He got up and put it back on his little bookshelf that was slowly filling up, showing his progress. He had gone from books with simple words in large print and lots of pictures to help explain, to ones with fewer pictures and longer words. Now he was reading more complex stories that only had a small illustration at the beginning of each chapter. He was still slow at it, but he enjoyed it so much when Sephiroth would come over and take turns reading out loud with him.

He particularly liked the cookbook his teacher had given to him a little while back. He kept the big laminated papers that had pictures and diagrams instead of words to explain the recipes from when he had first started the cooking class, but the cookbook had so many recipes to choose from. He felt like he could make anything in the world with it, and he loved the feeling of independence that came with that.

He looked back at the travel magazines, but his gaze fell on the other magazine Sephiroth had given him shortly after they had arrived in Midgar. He had been so embarrassed to even have the thing, but he was absolutely unwilling to not keep a gift from Sephiroth. So he had put it on the shelf, but never actually looked at it. He traced his finger over the spine. It wasn't wrong to have, obviously. Sephiroth wouldn't have given him something he shouldn't have. And Reno had a bunch in his room. He'd seen them lying around.

He pulled it down and set it on the floor in front of him. The cover had a picture of a barely clothed omega lying on a bed with his legs slightly spread. He took a deep breath and opened it. A naked alpha stared up at him. Cloud felt a tingle between his legs as he took in the man's form. He had nice muscles and a smooth chest. He held his erect penis in his hand and appeared to be stroking it. Unable to help himself, Cloud reached out and grazed his fingers over the picture.

The next few pages had the same omega from the cover, but he wasn't wearing clothes anymore. Pictures of him in various poses, showing off his body, made Cloud tremble a bit as he took them in. His penis pressed against his pants and he could feel wetness when he shifted. He had helped with Reno's heat a number of times now, but it never turned him on. It was just helping a friend who needed him. But this … Cloud touched the omega's genitals curiously. It wasn't freakish, and it wasn't uninteresting. It looked good.

When he turned to a page that showed the omega inserting a dildo into himself, Cloud moaned. It looked like it felt good. His own entrance throbbed and he squeezed his legs together. It wasn't bad. It couldn't be. Someone had taken the pictures, so obviously they had known what the omega was doing. But he didn't look ashamed. It looked like he was having fun.

He turned the magazine over and looked at the back cover. It had a price tag, just like the other books and magazines he had. They wouldn't sell it in a normal store if the omega in it was doing something wrong. Would they?

Cloud glanced over at the clock, then pushed himself to his feet. Reno wasn't home. He wouldn't be for a while. He closed his bedroom door and locked it.

"It's not bad," he whispered to himself as he stood in front of the big mirror. "It's not bad."

Sephiroth did it. Reno did it. These weren't bad feelings. It was good to be curious about his body. Sephiroth had said so, and Sephiroth didn't lie to him.

He pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it on the floor, then pulled his pants and underwear off. Trembling, he looked at himself in the mirror. He wasn't ugly or disgusting. He had gained a lot of weight, and he liked the way his bones didn't jut out anymore. He liked the muscles he had begun developing from exercising with Sephiroth. He liked the way the barber cut and styled his hair. Sephiroth said his eyes were beautiful, and he had to agree.

He looked down at his penis, which was still quite erect. He ran his fingers lightly over it and it bounced a little, stiffening up some more. A memory of desperately trying to get off while taking a shower and hoping no one would catch him flashed through his mind, but Cloud shook his head. "That's not your life anymore," he said firmly. "This isn't bad."

It wasn't like during a heat, when his balls would pull up and out of the way, so Cloud cupped them gently in his palm and lifted them, exposing his vagina. He shifted his feet slightly further apart so he could get a better look at his reflection. He wasn't a disgusting freak. He looked like the omega in the magazine, and he had looked good. He carefully touched himself, spreading the fluid he was producing around. He was warm and soft, and the touches felt nice. It wasn't bad to feel nice.

It was a little bit awkward to remain standing, and Cloud glanced back at the bed. He wanted to see himself, though, and so he dragged a blanket out of the closet and spread it out in front of the mirror. He was about to sit down when he thought back to the picture of the omega with the dildo. The dildos Reno had gotten for him had remained untouched. Sephiroth had continued to see him through his heats without complaint, so he hadn't needed them.

The three boxes and the bottle of lubricant were lined up in the drawer. He took them out one at a time and ran his fingers over them. The silicone felt almost silky. He pressed the button on one and watched the base slowly swell up. Was that what Sephiroth's penis looked like when he knotted? It was so big. Cloud wondered if it was okay to use the knot when he wasn't in heat. He knew that alphas would only knot during a heat, but wasn't sure if that meant that being knotted outside of heat was bad for them. He supposed he would have to ask. Reno would know and tell him.

The vibrating dildo jiggled around in his hand when he turned it on, and he spent a while playing with the settings, just to test what it could do. The third was the one that didn't knot, but it had an interesting ribbed texture. He made a fist around it and stroked a bit. It felt strange, but he thought it would probably feel very good inside.

He gathered up all three, as well as the lubricant, and set them on the blanket. Was he really going to do this? "It's not bad," he said again, almost scolding himself.

He grabbed the magazine and sat down, opening it up to a random page. His breath caught as he took in the image that now included the alpha. He was lying next to the omega and had two fingers deep inside him. The facing page had multiple pictures depicting the act in varying degrees of closeness. Cloud stared at them as his hand drifted to his groin and wrapped around his penis. He stroked himself slowly while he turned the pages. What would it feel like to have Sephiroth lick between his legs? Both the alpha and omega looked like they were enjoying it a lot. What did it taste like?

Cloud shifted a bit so he could lean against the foot of the bed, then he bent his legs and spread them apart, taking in the full view of himself in the mirror. The urge to touch filled him and made him tremble with want. It felt completely different than when he was in heat. He was in control of himself, and it somehow felt far more real that way. He lifted his balls again and used his fingers to spread himself open. He could see the scars the switch had left him with and closed his eyes for a moment, breathing deeply.

That was in the past. The mayor was the one who was bad. The scars would remain, but he'd never feel pain like that again. He wasn't bad.

When he opened his eyes, he forced himself to look at them for several minutes. After a time, they stopped standing out quite so much. It was just some slightly differently coloured skin. There wasn't much difference that he could feel when he rubbed his finger over them. It still felt good.

He glanced down at the magazine and imagined that his finger was Sephiroth's tongue flicking over him before pressing in a little bit. It would feel good, he knew it. He brought his finger to his mouth and licked it. It was a nice taste. He pumped some lubricant into his palm and rubbed it over his erection, moaning as he pressed his finger further inside at the same time. He was so hot inside, and his muscles squeezed around his finger as he wiggled it around.

The pages of the magazine got a bit sticky when he turned back to the pictures of the omega using the dildo. Cloud slicked up the ribbed one and got onto his hands and knees to pose like the omega. He looked over his shoulder and watched in the mirror as he pushed it in from behind. It was hard to keep his balance with one arm, and he dropped down so he could lean on his elbow while he thrust the dildo in and out.

He could feel the ribbing clearly and the pleasure of it made him moan loudly. Clenching his muscles in a rhythm to match the thrusting made it feel even better, and he felt an orgasm building. He'd never had a vaginal orgasm outside of heat and he almost wanted to stop, but he forced himself to ignore the lingering fear and continue thrusting.

What if it was Sephiroth behind him? The alpha would hold his hips gently and help keep him steady. His long hair would fall onto his back, so smooth and silky. Maybe he would reach around and stroke his penis at the same time, or lean down and let him feel his chest rumbling. Could Sephiroth purr while he was having sex? He wanted to find out, but knew he'd always be too distracted during his heat to notice or remember. Cloud imagined Sephiroth's strong arms wrapped around him, holding him so tightly as he pushed all the way in, again and again. He'd whisper in his ear that he loved him. That he was beautiful. That he felt so good. He couldn't pay attention to any of that when he was in heat, but he wanted to hear it.

Cloud used the blanket to muffle his gasping as the sensations peaked and he struggled to keep up his thrusting. He let himself fall forwards onto his chest and reached down with his other hand, gripping his penis tightly and stroking rapidly. Within seconds he was coming again, this time splattering fluid all over the blanket.

He left the dildo deep inside himself as he rolled onto his side, gasping for breath and taking in the lingering sensations of pleasure. As his body calmed down, the realization of what he had done began to take hold. He had masturbated, completely unnecessarily. He had used his dildo when he wasn't in heat. He had made a mess. The blanket would have to be washed. Reno would notice him using the washing machine for a blanket when he hadn't just been in heat. He would know what he had done. The dildo slipped out of him and rested all warm and sticky against his thigh.

"It's not bad." The words sounded almost like a plea. Reno did it too. He was always washing sheets and towels. It was normal.

He looked over at the magazine. Sephiroth had gotten it for him on purpose. It wasn't bad to look at it. He forced himself to recall all the conversations he had had with so many people. Sexual feelings were normal. Masturbation was normal. Hurting him because he had touched himself was wrong. He went over them again and again until the mess he had made was dried up and crusty and he was feeling a bit cold, lying naked on the floor.

"You're not bad," he said again before finally pushing himself up. He went to the bathroom and cleaned himself off, then pulled on some pyjamas before tackling the mess. He recalled the soap that was for using on the dildo and washed it in the bathroom sink using that. He set it to dry on a clean hand towel. He wiped off the magazine as best he could, then put it back on the shelf. The unused dildos went back in their boxes. He wanted to try the vibrating one next time, he decided. It was a bit late to be doing laundry, but he wanted to get it done. Not to hide the evidence, he thought firmly, but so it wouldn't stain.

Reno was on the couch watching TV when he unlocked the door and stepped out with the blanket in his arms.

"I didn't hear you come in."

"Hey, just got back like fifteen minutes ago. I thought you might be sleeping, so I didn't want to disturb you."

"Oh, thanks. I … do you mind if I do a load of laundry?"

Reno glanced over at him. "No problem. Chocobo racing is starting in like five minutes. Wanna watch with me? Joe's racing with Teioh tonight."

"Yeah, all right. I'll just—" He hefted the blanket up and jerked his head towards the closet with the washer and dryer.

"For sure. I'll fix some chips and dip. Want a beer?"

"Yeah, thanks." Reno knew. He had to know. He'd have been able to smell it on the blanket. "It's not bad," he said under his breath as he dumped the blanket in the washer.

"Can I ask something?"

Reno had wrapped himself in one of the throw blankets they kept lying around now that the weather was getting colder and had his bowl of dip balanced in his lap. Cloud was similarly wrapped up with the bowl of chips between them. "Sure. What's up?"

"I was just wondering, with the dildos that knot, is it okay to use the knot when you're not in heat?"

"Yeah, it's no problem." Reno shoved a big chip in his mouth and talked around it. "I don't think it feels good, but lots of people like it. Doesn't hurt to try. Well, it might, but you can just stop if it does."

"Okay, thanks. I just wondered."

"Yeah, no worries. I wonder if my vag is weirdly small or something. Maybe that's why I don't get off on being knotted and prefer smaller dildos." He laughed as he grabbed another scoop of the dip. "Might have to pick my mate based on dick size."

Cloud smiled and shook his head. "Rude doesn't seem like his dick's terribly small."

"Shit, it's fucking huge! I know alphas are bigger than us, and that means their dicks are proportionally bigger too, but I almost fainted the first time I saw it!"

"But he fucks you with it, right? It doesn't hurt?"

"No, not even a little. He's always gentle, but what's his knot like? You're way braver than me, taking Sephiroth's knot. I've never fucked him, not interested, so don't get jealous, but I've seen him when you're in heat. He could give Rude a run for his money."

Cloud burst out laughing, nearly choking on his beer. "I'm going to try it. I can never really remember what it's like during my heat. I know it feels good, and I always remember that I felt safe, but it's mostly just a blur. I want to know what it's like for real … one day."

"One day. You'll know when you're ready, and we all know now that he'll wait for you until then, so there's no need to rush. And when you are, you know he'll make you feel so fucking amazing. He loves you so much."

He reached for another chip and chewed slowly while they watched the first race. Reno had said numerous times that he didn't want kids, and nobody seemed upset about that or tried to change his mind. Maybe they thought he'd change it himself after he mated, but maybe not. "Reno?" he said when the TV cut to a commercial break.

"Yeah?"

He took a deep breath and blurted out what Doctor Gast had told him about the possibility of reversing his sterilization.

"Damn. That sounds scary."

"Is it wrong that I don't want to try? Should I ask Sephiroth what he wants?"

Reno looked over at him with wide eyes and muted the TV. "Dude, that seriously sounds fucking terrifying. Of course it's not wrong to not want to. Even if it was a guaranteed success it wouldn't be wrong. You're more than a means to make babies, and what Sephiroth wants doesn't matter. It's your body. He agreed to mate you knowing that you can't have kids, and you don't owe him anything. If you want to try, then absolutely, talk to him about it and see what he thinks. Although to be honest, I don't really think he'd want to risk it. Surgery's no joke, and pregnancy isn't easy. I think he's got his own issues from losing his mom, and I'm pretty certain he'd rather not have kids than put you at risk."

Cloud slowly nodded his head as he mulled it over. "Thanks." Reno had a good point. Doctor Gast had said that if he got pregnant, it would be considered high risk. Sephiroth's history with his own parents would probably make him nervous about that. "Oh, Joe's up this round! Turn the volume back on."

He turned his attention back to the screen as he and Reno cheered on their favourite rider. He thought he would maybe tell Sephiroth what Gast had said. The idea of keeping secrets didn't feel good, but he was sure that the alpha would understand and accept why he didn't want to do it.

XXX

A/N: This was one of those weeks where I was extremely glad that I get stubborn and insist to the new kids at Baskin Robbins that they do indeed sell ice cream in pints and they will indeed be selling one to me. But ice cream and everyone's kind comments make things better. It's so nice to hear from you guys. Thanks for reading :)