Summary: Part three. Little Miss Solo.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Breathe
The sound that split Tomorrow.
Everything happened so fast.
One minute: that first pitiful sound burst through the room in a flurry of activity, and Rey, sagging back against her pillow in a ragged rush of air —
And the next: a hot, slick little body, pressing with delicate yet infinite weight into the now-bared skin of the new mother's chest, burning like a bright ember from the molten heat of the womb. The scorching heat of Rey's own insides.
Offended squalls of a new voice never heard before cut through the chaos of the moment and set Rey's mind to spinning. Even as she mentally tripped all over herself trying to catch up to what was happening, some panicked voice inside her said cold, she's cold and her hands came up to cover the mewling little thing, squirming between her breasts, a thick mass of wet black hair plastered against a tiny scalp by blood and goo and who knew what else.
Rey gasped a desperate breath. Her heart flew at a frantic rhythm inside her, rapping out her panic against the body that was inside her, now on her.
Half of the brain rang in alarm as she held the blazing hot, velvet soft form against her chest, thinking oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
And the other half reeling with emotion, babbling soft soothing noises she didn't know she knew how to make, wondrously realizing mine mine mine.
"It's okay," she whispered, shutting out anything in the room that wasn't this furious little mass. "I know it was a rude way to come into the world. But you're safe. I've got you."
It was the crazy rush of a breakneck high, splinters of fear and gasps of here. But it was also the timeless, singular, zeroed-in focus of being completely and entirely suspended in the moment, the seconds dissolving into meaningless ticks of eternity. There was only this body clutched to her, this miniature wrath to soothe and nothing else in the world.
After a volley of honeyed lavender crooning, Olive quieted with a shudder. Her protests stilled and her back rose and fell in steady panting beneath Rey's hands. She squirmed, craning her neck, cracking open tiny coal-black eyes.
"Look how funny," Kandia laughed. "She's already trying to look around."
An intrusion into the cocoon of them. Pieces of their surroundings began to cascade into Rey's awareness, the presence of others both comforting and unwelcome. She watched Olive blink hard and confused against the lights of the place, still trying to see.
She's looking for me, Rey knew somehow, and held her fragile bundle a little tighter still. "Hi, little one," she breathed. "I'm right here."
Olive's tiny hands clenched into fists, her restless body quieting, head dropping again. She nuzzled into Rey's skin and there squinted blearily at the world. Rey marveled at the perfect bow of her itty bitty lips, the flare of her teensy nostrils.
She was perfect. Absolutely perfect.
The new mother's mind spun dizzily again to realize this was Olive, she was here, and this was real. It didn't feel real. Or, it felt so blisteringly real.
"She quieted down quickly," another nurse commented.
This remark finally jarred Rey back into reality, and she looked up to find Ben.
He was there. Of course he was, staring at them with this stunned kind of expression. Like dizzy dancing reeling, a falling-in-love feeling written into the slack of his jaw and the bright glassy glimmer in his eyes. Oh, he was — he was misty.
Suddenly Rey was too, her vision swimming and emotion rose harsh and fast in her throat. She pried one hand off Olive and reached for him. He took it, drawing her knuckles to his trembling lips.
"Rey," he breathed raggedly, as if he didn't know what else to say.
She tugged his hand down, bringing it to the warm little body on her chest so he could touch her too. So he could marvel with her.
And nobody else existed. Not the nurses and whatever they were doing, and not Holdo who was definitely doing something unpleasant which felt a lot like sewing which Rey and the epidural blocked out. She didn't care about anything else. Just him, and this little person they'd made.
"You look like you're about five seconds from crawling into that bed with them," Holdo remarked softly, her glance flicking up to Ben. "But you might want to wait a minute because this mess isn't over."
He tore his attention away from Rey and Olive, giving her an uncertain look before something deeply disgusting slithered out of Rey in another gush of fluid. She grimaced. It didn't hurt at all, but it was the most vile sensation she'd ever experienced. She felt lighter after it was gone.
Holdo transferred the mass — still connected to Olive by a thick blue spiral rope of tissue — onto a sterile tray. "Have either of you seen a placenta before? I think they're kind of beautiful."
Rey looked and realized the dried, painted placentas of that birthing classes were light years away from the fresh thing Holdo was showing them. Rey didn't care that she'd spent months making that structure, only feeling a little less revolted knowing that it had kept her daughter alive all this time. But beyond that, she wanted nothing more to do with it.
A couple minutes later, Holdo had Ben cut the cord to the thing, freeing Olive from her tether.
"Can I take her to weigh her and get her cleaned up?" one of the nurses asked gently. "I promise to give her right back."
Rey nodded, allowing that part of her brain that was still freaking out that this little alien creature was her responsibility now to take over. The nurse gently lifted Olive away.
"Are you okay?" Ben asked Rey anxiously. "Can I—?"
"Go," she urged.
He stepped away from her, following the nurse and the baby over to the scale and hovering anxiously nearby.
"Six pounds and four ounces," the nurse told him. "Dainty little thing. You want to get some pictures you remember this, Dad."
Ben fumbled quickly for his phone.
"Guess that means I won the pool," Holdo laughed to herself. "I wonder how I can't contact Shara's kid to collect."
"I'll happily provide his number," Ben told her over his shoulder as he snapped a few pictures.
Rey didn't really know what to do with herself. Not that there was anything she really could do, of course, with her legs numb and her body wrecked. But something inside her that had always been there was wide awake now, and she felt...strange. Like she wanted to run. Or climb a mountain. Or fly.
Like she could do anything.
Like she could stretch out her hand and make the universe bow to her.
Because she had done it. She made a perfectly perfect, living breathing human. And she had pushed that person out of her body. Like a journey through the valley of the shadow, she had been to the depths and returned with life in her arms.
She'd never felt so exhilarated or so strong.
So proud. So fierce.
So triumphant.
—Also she wanted her baby back.
It felt wrong to have her several feet away when she'd been literally part of Rey's body all this time. She felt empty now. The only heartbeat inside her was her own.
Holdo finished up her work, a little more of that loathsome sewing feeling, and a little cleaning, and a little pushing on Rey's saggy stomach. When she was done, she stood and peeled off her gloves, coming around to stand by Rey's side while the nurses finished cleaning her up.
"So you did tear just a tiny bit," she said. "I put two stitches, just to be safe, but it's not bad. How do you feel?"
"Victorious," Rey said honestly. "Powerful."
"You did incredibly well. You deserve to feel all those things." Holdo smiled. "Well done."
"I thought I'd be tired, but I feel like I could rub a marathon."
"It's the adrenaline. The exhaustion will come, I promise. But ride the high while it lasts. It was hard won."
Holdo smiled and turned, joining Ben and the nurse as they got Olive all cleaned up. "She's beautiful," Holdo said, glancing over her shoulder at Rey. "She might be the prettiest baby I've ever seen."
Once more, Rey's rational side thought that she probably said this to a lot of her patients, but Rey burned with pride and pleasure anyway. Yes, Olive was perfect. Of course she was. She had Ben's DNA and Rey had spent ten months making her.
—But why was it taking them so long to give her back?
Someone had reassembled the bed while Rey wasn't paying attention, and Kandia was there, having her lean forward while they quickly and painlessly removed the epidural, and then the catheter. The monitors around her belly went next and the only thing that remained was the IV line.
"I'm giving you a little more Zofran," Kandia told her gently. "Nausea after labor is extremely common. Also a little stool softener."
They raised the back of the bed so Rey could sit upright, which felt really good after being flat or semi-reclined for a while, and they tucked big absorbent pads all around her before mercifully covering her up again. She still couldn't feel much of her legs but she was able to slide them down, straight out in front of her. It felt nice to be back to resting comfortably again, with no one touching her private parts.
Right now, she felt no pain whatsoever. Only excitement and a growing impatience to have her baby back.
But when she looked up to see what they were doing with her now, her heart melted.
They'd swaddled Olive in a little blanket and put a tiny pink hat on her — and given her to Ben.
His hands, Ben's hands, those huge hands that could probably heft a weapon as easily as a pen, those deft hands which could stimulate pleasure with a sensual touch or banish fear with a warm grasp, those big, big hands Rey loves to hold — they now spanned the whole little bundle, cupped behind her head, supporting her featherlight weight. He held her like she was the most important thing he'd ever had in his hands.
Because she was.
And those hands didn't tremble. They didn't shake. They grasped her soft and careful and high, dark warm eyes taking in the shape of that tiny face.
He'd never looked more attractive, and unbidden tears sprang to Rey's eyes again to see him holding their baby.
Ben was lost in a world of his own. Just as Rey had done, she saw how he shut out the world around him. How he dipped in to graze the end of his nose against a fluffy cheek. To press a kiss to her hair-brushed forehead.
"Hello, my little Olive," he whispered. "I've been waiting to meet you."
A small, happy smile played at the corner of his mouth and he nuzzled her again.
Rey's heart swelled with love for him. Heat glowed in her chest, the warmth of knowing that of all the people in the world, she had him. For always.
His eyes lifted from the face of his daughter and met hers, and she saw that she was wrong. He wasn't lost in his own world where only he and Olive existed. She was there with them. He drifted over to her and eased down to sit next to her on the bed. Rey leaned forward, resting her head against his shoulder. They didn't say anything. This moment right right now was bound by gossamer threads, and words would be too heavy for them to support. So they said nothing, but gazed together on the tiny face of this person who was a little bit of her and a little bit of him.
Little black lashes fanned over round cheeks. Fuzzy, silky-soft black hair brushed over crumpled, but still-oversized ears. Olive drew a shuddery little breath through her tiny nose and sighed, comfortable and still in her swaddle, in her father's hands. Her brow puckered a little as she squinted her eyes open again.
Rey brushed her finger delicately over that furrowed brow, so serious with consternation. Olive blinked slowly, like it was so hard to stay awake. Rey did it again, and this time the pucker smoothed, the little face relaxing.
"What a beautiful family," Holdo said very softly. She was holding Ben's phone, like she'd managed to capture some pictures of the moment, and even though it felt like an intrusion right now, Rey knew she'd be grateful for them.
The pleasant glow in her chest grew even brighter now. A family. "Thank you," she told her doctor. "For everything."
"It was all you, Rey. I'm lucky I got to be part of it. Ben, I'm putting your phone here. I'll be back by in a little bit to check on you, okay?"
Rey nodded.
Ben shifted Olive back into Rey's arms. He stood and followed Holdo to the door, shaking her hand once before she left, thanking her too. Holdo gave him a little grin. "Honestly, I'm glad it happened that I was your doctor. I never would have imagined it, watching you when you were little. Your parents are in the waiting room, by the way. I saw them before I came in. Take your time here, they'll wait as long as you need, but know that your mother is anxious to meet her granddaughter."
"She'll get the chance soon," Ben chuckled.
Holdo tipped her chin in acknowledgement once before drifting out of the room again.
"Do you want to try feeding her?" Kandia asked Rey, putting a huge mug of ice water on the tray next to her.
"I…eh…yeah." Rey blinked down at the baby in her arms, currently rubbing her nose against the side of the swaddle, mouth open. Rey realized she should feed her. The instincts flaring to life right now told her those were hungry motions, but she had no idea how to even approach that task. Did she just…pop a nipple out and stick Olive's mouth on it? Why did that seem too obvious?
Kandia showed her how to position the baby, and what to do to get her to latch. It was definitely one of the more awkward parts of this process, even though everybody had already been up in her business before. For some reason having someone show her how to manipulate her own boob was...weirder.
But then Olive responded automatically and clamped on like she'd been waiting for it all along, and Rey gasped because holy hell that hurt. She winced at the insane suction.
"Strong, isn't she?" Kandia said with a wink. "Good latch, though. She's a determined eater."
"Hm, maybe your enthusiasm for food is a little bit genetic," Ben mused, returning to their side.
Rey gave him a harmless glare, still reeling from the needle-like pain of Olive's suction. It was subsiding, though, quickly being replaced by a feeling of pride and accomplishment with every tiny swallow. Rey didn't know where it came from, honestly, but seeing Olive get the vital nourishment she needed made her feel like maybe she could do this mother thing. At least she could do this.
Kandia went about her business. Rey didn't pay her much attention. Ben sat next to her on the bed again and once more she leaned into him, craving his closeness, so much love welling up inside her that she needed to spill some over onto him too. Maybe he felt the same way, because he pulled her face to his and kissed her, soft and fierce. When he tried to pull away she wound her fingers into his shirt and tugged him back, not done tasting the flavor of her daughter's father, the best friend that had put this beautiful little baby into her and made them a family.
When she finally let him go, he chuckled and let her nuzzle into the hollow of his neck.
"Well done, little mama," he rumbled against her. "You were incredible."
"I decided I'm on board your train," she told him. "I want a dozen of these."
He laughed again, delighted and incredulous. "Were you not present for what just happened? You really want to do that again?"
Maybe it was the oxytocin flooding her system with incredible love, or maybe it was the exhilaration of so much empowerment, but Rey really could imagine herself doing it again. Not right now, of course. She needed to heal. She needed a couple years to feel like herself again. But one day, yes. She knew she could do this again.
She kissed his cheek once and then returned her attention to Olive, who had apparently fallen asleep.
"We'll talk about it again one day," she told Ben.
They snuggled quietly on the bed together for a while. Ben made her drink a bunch of water — something he didn't have to work too hard for since the moment the first icy draught hit her parched mouth she eagerly guzzled it down. All her body functions had been put on hold, and she didn't realize how desperately thirsty she was until he made her drink. Afterwards, she further realized how hungry she was.
"I really want a burger," she told him, startled.
He laughed. "That's pretty specific."
"A really big burger. Two patties, maybe. All the toppings." Rey stomach growled audibly at the fantasy of it.
He kissed the top of her head. "You deserve at least as much. I promise to get you one — just not from this hospital cafeteria."
"Deal," she said happily.
The burger would have to wait, though. Soon Kandia was back, asking if Rey had feeling back in her legs. She did. Since Olive wasn't really nursing anymore, she asked Rey to hand the baby off to Ben so she could try to stand. Ben eagerly took the still, quiet bundle back into his waiting arms and moved out of the way so Kandia could help Rey get to the edge of the bed. She unhooked the IV line from the port and held the big absorbent sheets up while Rey slowly, gingerly lowered her feet to the floor, still bared naked where the robe was open in the back. Not that anyone was here to see but Ben, and well — that ship had sailed and burned down at sea after everything he'd seen today.
She was a little wobbly, like her legs were made of jelly, but her body felt strong too. And it was good to stand. Kandia helped her shuffle off to the bathroom. They'd stuck a little receptacle into the toilet.
"Try to go, if you can," Kandia said gently. "Even a tiny bit is a good sign. Sometimes the catheter can mess with your ability to relieve yourself for a while, so we just want to make sure you're back to normal. Don't stand up by yourself when you're done, just give me a shout. I'll be right outside the door."
She turned on the shower before she left, letting the water warm up and slowly fill the tiny bathroom with steam.
Rey shuffled to the toilet and gingerly sat down.
She didn't really have enough sensation back to be aware of the injury below, or to feel much pain. She liked that part. She didn't feel like she'd just pushed a whole human out of her, except a vague sort of weariness flickering at the edges of her awareness.
It was weird to try to pee. She felt it there, like she needed to go, but for a minute she couldn't. Like she didn't remember how to let go. It took a strangely intense amount of concentration to find the right muscles and force them to release again. But then she did, and sighed in pleasant relief.
Kandia praised her for going, and Rey laughed, feeling a little bit like a potty training toddler. She was then helped into the shower and sat on the little stool there, washing an alarming amount of blood down the drain. She didn't wash her hair right now, but she did scrub down her body and it felt so good she almost cry all over again. When she got out, she felt clean and happy.
Kandia provided her with those hideous mesh undies they'd warned her about, and a pad that more resembled a diaper than a monthly feminine product. She also included a frozen absorbent gel pack with some Tucks witchhazel pads laid carefully on top. It was a big, awkward mass to hoist up and wear, but it felt really nice against her center.
"The best route to healing is to avoid inflammation," Kandia explained. "So ice packs and ibuprofen are on the docket today, alright? And you let us know if the pain gets bad. We've got things we can give you for that."
Rey threaded her arms through a new gown. "Okay. Right now I feel alright."
Kandia smiled. "I'm glad. I'll check in with you after the rest of your epidural wears off."
"At what point can I wear clothes again?" Rey grimaced at the hideous gown and its once-more revealing back.
The nurse chuckled. "Technically? As soon as you want. I recommend nothing with pants for at least today, since we're going to keep bugging you and checking your blood flow, but if you have your own gown or robe you're more than welcome to put that on. If you plan to keep trying to nurse, though, you'll want something that allows for easy access."
Rey sighed and resigned herself to the hospital-provided gown for now. She didn't really have anything that fit those specifications. A long t-shirt, yes, but that would be terribly awkward to hike all the way up every — wait, how often did a newborn need to nurse anyway?
"I have a wheelchair for you, if you're ready to transfer to Maternity."
Right. Right. They'd mentioned this in the tour. Labor and Delivery was only the place where she'd get the baby out, not where she'd stay for the two or three days of recovery. Still, it was a thought that made her emotionally stumble a weird step — leaving this room where she'd been for the last day, working to bring her baby into the world.
But she remembered how nice the Maternity Ward was from their tour, and suddenly yes, she was very ready. She gave Kandia a nod.
The nurse smiled and helped her out of the bathroom. She sank into the wheelchair provided, rather enjoying the comforting, cold bulk of the ice pack where she now felt a twinge of sensitivity. Kandia attached a new saline bag to a tree on the back of the chair and hooked the IV up to Rey's port, ensuring her hydration once again.
Ben was sitting on the bed with Olive cradled in his lap, looking like the illustration that might accompany an encyclopedic entry of father. He studied the infant in his arms with a kind of fascination Rey had never seen in all her years of knowing him.
Kandia rolled a little cart towards him with a clear plastic bassinet resting in it. On the foot of this bassinet was a fanciful card that read Olive.
"Okay, proud Papa," she said gently. "For liability reasons, we can't let either of you carry her to your new room, but you can push the cart while I push your wife, okay?"
"We're going to the new room?" Ben asked, glancing around.
"Yep," said Kandia. "You can put your things here under the bassinet."
Gingerly, like he was afraid to break her, Ben set the burrito of their baby down onto the pad at the bottom of the bassinet, giving her an anxious once-over to make sure she was alright with the change. She didn't even stir. Satisfied, he turned and gathered up their bags, sliding them into the empty space beneath Olive's little cradle. They hadn't really gotten much out anyway. Rey had stowed her clothes in her bag initially, and had only opened it again to put on socks when her feet got cold. Ben had used his more, pulling out the Switch, brushing his teeth at one point before they went to sleep last night. Still, it was surprisingly easy to leave this space where they'd kept their long vigil.
Rey experienced a kind of fond possessiveness, watching him catch the phone chargers from the wall and get her mug of ice water. He seemed altered somehow. Like she was looking at a man who was not exactly the same as he was an hour ago. But maybe it was only her perception that had changed. The way he raked a hand through that soft black hair, long enough to just barely brush his collar, long enough to disguise those big ears Olive seemed to have inherited — it struck her anew for some reason. She was charmed. The way his big body moved around the space, like it wasn't quite sure how to fit. She thought him hot. And the way he finally settled at the bassinet again, fussing with Olive's swaddle, making sure it was tight. She thought him perfect.
When he glanced up and their eyes caught, she gave him a soft, shy smile.
He looked surprised, and then…pleased.
Kandia motioned for him to follow, and then opened the door and wheeled Rey around. Ben pushed Olive behind, and the four of them made their way through brightly illuminated hospital hallways. Nurses and orderlies who passed them issued their congratulations. Rey smiled and thanked them.
"Here we are," Kandia said when they'd finally wound their way around to the maternity ward.
221B the door said.
Rey leaned forward, caught the handle and pushed the door inward. Kandia thanked her and pushed her on through.
"Oooh," said the nurse in a sound of surprise. "Someone got you upgraded to the nice digs."
Rey immediately recognized this was one of the fancier maternity suites made available for those willing to spring for it. It had a Queen-sized hospital bed and a nice sectional, a plush recliner, a table and chairs, a mini fridge stocked full of treats and beverages (most on the healthy side) and an enormous TV mounted on the wall. The attached bathroom was huge and lovely too, and someone had taken great pains to make this room feel more homey than the delivery room.
Rey glanced at Ben when he looked around the room and whistled softly.
"This wasn't you?" she asked.
He shook his head. "Nope. We're supposed to be buying a house today, so our indulgence money is temporarily drained. Not that I don't want to best for you," he added hastily.
Rey laughed, slowly standing from the wheelchair. Kandia unhooked her IV bag and handed it to her while she got the room set up. Rey didn't need a steadying hand this time as she moved around, checking everything out. "I'm actually relieved. I'd have questioned your sanity."
"You're buying a house today?" Kandia asked incredulously.
"Well, supposed to, at least. I gotta make some calls," Ben said, his attention following Rey around the room. Eventually he stepped away from the cart and the sleepy bundle inside it to grab her hand and pull her back towards the bed. "What are you doing?"
"It feels good to walk around," she protested, but she couldn't really begrudge his caring now anymore than she could before when he fretted. She let him lift her in one swooping movement and deposit her gently on the bed.
"I'm glad," he said, his voice low, "but I really don't want you to overdo it. You should definitely be resting."
"I'm listening to my body," she teased.
A low rumble of skeptical thought hummed through him, and he bent, his face close to hers, dark eyes glittering with affection. "I know you, Rey Solo, and I know that you've survived by ignoring your body signals. So forgive me if I'm a little overprotective."
She cupped the side of his face, lips twitching into a grin as she brushed a thumb over his lips. "Alright, alright. I'll let you win this time."
His own plush mouth tipped into a funny little smile. "You're in a strange mood."
She pulled him in a little closer and whispered in his ear, "It's because I think I might have a crush on you, Ben Solo. Don't tell anyone."
He pulled back as a flush of pink blossomed in his cheeks and he laughed. "Are you drunk on hormones, Rey?"
"Just very happy," she said, drawing the blanket up around herself, folding her legs cross-cross beneath her. "Can I have my baby now?"
Ben's smile grew and he pulled Olive's little cart over next to the bed, carefully lifting the bundle out and putting her into Rey's waiting arms.
It felt right to have her there. Exhilarating and strange and intimidating, yes, but right too. Like she was made to fit right there, tucked in snug and safe.
Kandia seemed to have disappeared after hanging up the IV bag again, so they had the room utterly to themselves for the first time. Rey patted the empty expanse on the bed next to her, and Ben obliged, settling in right next to her, hooking his chin on her shoulder. She leaned against him and sighed contentedly. This is exactly how she wanted them to stay, snuggled up together, the three of them, forever.
"I was worried," he said very softly, "that you'd resent me for doing this to you. For making you go through that. I was afraid the fairytale of this summer had shattered and you'd realize you'd made a mistake you couldn't undo."
It could have gone that way, Rey supposed. It was a cliché for a reason, wasn't it? The woman screaming her way through labor, bellowing at her husband and proclaiming he'd never touch her again.
Olive stirred, not opening her eyes but nosing towards the side of the blanket. Rey tapped her nose once with a feather-light touch, and Olive's mouth popped open, searching.
"I don't feel that way at all," Rey told him, watching as the little cheeks rounded again when Olive closed her mouth and sighed. "It's…it's very much the opposite."
"Yeah," he chuckled, "I guess I kinda got that when you said you wanted a dozen."
She grinned and tipped her head into his. "I've never felt this powerful. I can't explain it. It feels like I could burn down the whole galaxy to find you."
"I'm right here," he said, turning to nose into her neck and place a kiss against her jaw. "And I'm never going anywhere else."
"Lucky for the galaxy."
Olive started rooting around again a minute later, so Rey tried to repeat what she did before in the delivery room, remembering Kandia's instructions. It was so awkward, honestly the most awkward thing she'd ever done, but after a few fumbling attempts she and Olive managed to come together in a way that was…probably right? She wasn't sure, but by the pain that lanced through her nipple and made her gasp, she was pretty sure it was right. Olive set to sucking and after watching a few swallows, Rey was reasonably certain she was getting something.
"You okay?" Ben asked.
She was still wincing. "It was nice when you did it. She's…a lot stronger."
That made him laugh a surprised, delighted kind of laugh. The door to their room opened and Kandia came walking back in, along with an older nurse.
"See?" Kandia said to the other woman with a big grin. "I told you they were fun."
"It does sound like a party in here." The new nurse smiled mildly.
"Rey, Ben, this is Barb, she's taking over and will be your nurse over here in maternity, okay?"
By now the circus of nurses had become pretty expected, but Rey experienced a little stab of regret anyway. Kandia was her comfort after Addisyn, and Kandia had been there to coach her through the worst of it. She wanted to give the woman a hug. Or send her a succulent. Or do something to express her effusive gratitude.
Instead she just nodded.
Kandia gave Barb the run down of how Rey was doing and then they checked her bleeding. Kandia said goodbye and Rey managed an inadequate "Thank you for everything." And then she was gone.
Barb was nice though. She had a mellow, pleasant demeanor as she explained how things worked in maternity — about how the new wristbands they'd put on Rey, Olive, and Ben all matched and how security worked (which was really more alarming than reassuring, Rey decided, that baby-snatchers existed in the world) and explained how care was going to work today. Afterward she checked Rey's vitals and asked how breast-feeding was going so far. When Rey told her how much it hurt, she nodded sympathetically and told them how she'd had six babies of her own and breastfed them all.
"It'll get easier," she assured Rey. "You and Olive will get more confident and your nipples will though up so it doesn't hurt anymore, I promise. In the meantime, let me grab you a cream you can put on to help soothe them. It's safe for ingestion so you don't even need to clean it off before she feeds. Also — did you know you have two people in the waiting room?"
Ben jerked in alarm, extracting himself from Rey and getting to his feet again. "Oh no, my parents!"
Rey laughed. "You forgot about them?"
"I got a little distracted," he said, motioning at her and the baby. "Are you ready for them to come in?"
Olive had fallen asleep again, so Rey put herself to rights back beneath the robe. "Yes."
Ben disappeared, and a couple minutes later returned with Han and Leia in tow. At least, Rey thought maybe it was Han, but she couldn't tell because he was hidden behind a mountain of bouquets and balloons. Leia held only two gift bags, and positively beamed when she came into the room.
She immediately set the bags on the foot of the bed and rushed to embrace Rey in a ferocious hug. Ben's arms slipped between them and rescued Olive, leaving Rey free to hug her back.
"You brave, wonderful girl," Leia cooed, soothing her hand through Rey's hair. "You strong, strong woman. I'm so proud of you."
She meant it. The sincerity in her voice oozed through every squeezed cell in Rey's body, and drew unbidden tears to her eyes. Leia's maternal influence was powerful, and wrapped Rey in a cozy, loved cocoon. Leia hadn't even glanced at the baby before she came straight for Rey, and that meant something.
When they finally parted, they both looked over at the men. Han had set down the crazy riot of offerings and now stood beside Ben, looking down at the face of his granddaughter. Ben's face was soft, but unmistakable pride lurked there under the surface, peeking through the curl at the corners of his lips, the starlight in his eyes. Han looked thunderstruck with awe.
"If you wash your hands, I'll let you hold her," Ben told his father.
Han practically sprinted across the room to the sink. While he washed, Leia drifted over to her son and peeked at the little face in his arms. She made a quiet noise.
"Oh, Ben. She's the most beautiful newborn I've ever seen."
Ben chuckled. "I think you're biased, Mom."
"No, most newborns are squished and alien-looking for the first day or two. You were. But this little lady is positively perfect." She gave his ear a playful tug. "Don't you think so, doting daddy?"
"Papa," Ben corrected. "She'll call me papa. And yes, I think she's beautiful."
Han was back a moment later, a whiff of soap still about him. He held out his arms, and Ben carefully, carefully transferred the bundle to him. Han received her with a little bit of awkwardness, like he didn't remember how to do it, but then she was nestled in the crook of his arm and he looked around the room, beaming.
"Hey, look at this," he told Leia. "Look at her."
"I did," Leia laughed. "And I'll take a turn after you, since you jumped to the front of the line."
Han gave her a smirk and a wink. "That's right I did, baby. I needed to meet this kid. And wow, what a kid."
Ben stepped back and took a picture as his father studied the little face in his arms. Satisfied with what he got, he sat on the edge of the bed next to Rey and watched his parents fawn over the baby. Rey was watching them too, a funny lump in her throat, emotions closer to the surface than she knew what to do with.
"You did good here, kiddo," Han told her, flashing a grin. "How are you feeling?"
"Good," said Rey. "Happy."
"You deserve it. This is the most incredible thing that's ever happened to this family."
"Not your son?" Leia teased.
Han barked a rough laugh. "Come on, Leia, she's way better than our son."
Leia laughed, flitting away from him briefly and turning to the gift bags, giving one to Rey. "By the way, dear, this is for you. I know how awful those gowns can be. I figured you might like something more comfortable while you're here."
Curious, Rey reached into the bag, her fingers meeting the most buttery-soft fabric she'd ever felt. She pulled out an earthy green — dress? thing? Shaped sort of like a casual sundress that would hang to the knees, had a pleasant weight to it, with thin straps that snapped together at a shoulder, and Rey knew immediately that it was made for nursing. At the bottom of the bag, beneath the dress, was a sleeved cashmere wrap.
"Wow," Rey said softly, because these things felt expensive, and even though Leia had not demonstrated the least bit hesitation in happily spending on clothes for Rey, it still felt like a really, really generous gift.
"See," Leia said, showing her how the wide straps of the dress unbuttoned. "This way you can breastfeed if you want, but you're nice and covered up everywhere else. And it's treated to be stain resistant so you don't have to worry about any of that. I went with the sleeveless model because sometimes your haywire hormones will make you sweat like crazy, and other times you'll get super cold — hence the wrap."
"Leia, I don't know what to say except thank you."
"No need for even that much, dear. You've given me something far more important, it's the least I could do." Leia pushed the other bag towards her. "This one is for my granddaughter but you can open it for her."
Ben peered curiously over her shoulder as she pulled out an ultra-soft swaddle blanket, cream colored with earthy green olive leaves printed all over it. Rey smiled. "Leia. It's perfect."
"I thought so too," said the older woman happily. She flitted over to the sink. "You get thirty more seconds, Han, and then that baby is mine."
He grumbled good-naturedly but didn't protest. When Leia came back a moment later, he let her rob him of his cargo. And finally, Leia got her grandbaby in her arms. She immediately teared up.
"Aw, Honey," Han said, putting an arm around her.
She leaned into his shoulder, glassy-eyed as she brought Olive's forehead to her cheek and closed her eyes.
Ben made a funny little noise, and when Rey looked up at him she saw that he was misty too. He buried his nose into her hair, and she was stuck by the wild urge to laugh. This powerful family falling to pieces over the tiniest of girls.
Han and Leia stayed for an hour. Mostly Leia had Olive during that time, but Han managed to get her back at one point. Rey went to the bathroom when Barb came back in to check on her and replaced her pad, ice pack and witch hazel rounds. She removed the IV too, and at last Rey was free from all her constraints. When Barb left her again — promising to come check her vitals again after her guests had gone — Rey tried to change into the dress Leia had brought. But when she slipped off the hospital gown and caught a glimpse of herself in the full-length mirror behind the door, she burst out laughing.
It was sort of helpless, despairing laughter though.
Because her body was…ruined.
Ben poked his head on. "You okay? What's so funny?"
She didn't want him to see. She didn't want him to be disgusted. But it looked so absurd she couldn't help herself, and motioned to her stomach. "It looks like a deflated balloon!"
His eyes traveled down her body to the saggy middle that had, only hours ago, been so tight and round and full. His mouth quirked into a little grin. "Huh. Okay."
"Is it going to look like this forever?"
"I doubt it. You only just gave birth, Rey. You gotta give it some time."
"What if it doesn't though?" Her hilarity was quickly turning dark, into something closer to horror. "What if I'm always gross?"
He stepped in and shut the door behind him, his hands finding her waist and bending a little so they were eye-to-eye. "Listen to me. You are not gross. And if you never get back to the way you were before, this is what will happen: You'll secretly fret about it, and you'll wear those horrible compression suits women always seem to want, and me? I'll spent every day, and every night, convincing you of how insanely hot you are. You still are. You always will be. Even when we're both ninety and flabby and wrinkly, and Olive's grandkids are the babies we get the hold, you'll still be the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Do you hear me?"
A surge of love and gratitude so strong Rey didn't know how to contain it welled up in her, and Ben pulled her in to a tight embrace.
"How can someone so powerful she could set fire to galaxies be reduced to worrying about her life-giving body?" he whispered as she cried into his neck.
It was a jarring shift of emotions, but Rey was helplessly pulled by the riptides of her feelings right now, and she could only hang on for dear life.
"I love you," she whispered into his skin.
"Not as much as I love you."
"You wanna fight me?" she teased, soothed back into humor by his proximity and the feeling of his clothes against her exposed, weary, tender body.
He laughed. "No, thanks. You'd win. Let's just get you dressed, huh?"
So they did. Rey pulled on the dress, pleased to find a built-in nursing bra sewn into the top, and fixed her hair, which really wasn't as horribly disheveled as she'd feared. Mostly just kind of fuzzy and a little curled from sweating so much. When she came out, Han and Leia were head-to-head on the couch, making faces at Olive, who stared at them with that puckered little confused look again.
"That looks so good on you!" Leia said happily when she glanced up.
"Thank you so much. It's much better than the hospital gown," said Rey.
"Ben, I think this kid got your ears," Han observed.
"Poor thing," Ben sighed.
Rey climbed back onto the bed, feeling suddenly exhausted. The adrenaline of the morning was quickly wearing off.
Leia put Olive into her arms and brushed an affectionate finger down Rey's face. "We're going to go now, but if you're up for it, we'll come see you again tomorrow. If you need anything at all, please let us know."
"I will," Rey promised.
Leia tugged her son down to her and kissed his cheek. "Proud of you, Ben," she said gently.
He hunched his enormous body small to hug his mother. "Thanks, Mom."
Han clapped him on the shoulder and gave Rey a wink. "You two have done something great here. Congratulations."
And with that, he offered his arm to his wife, who took it, and the two of them headed out. Ben closed the door behind them. He went to Rey's hospital bag and pulled out the blanket she'd brought with her, after reading some advice that hospitals could be cold. He laid it out over her.
"Rest," he said. "I can see how tired you are. Just rest."
"Do you think she needs to eat again?" Olive had a pained expression on her face, little mouth pulled in the most tragic grimace Rey had ever seen. A tiny whimper escaped her. It wasn't even a full cry, but it pulled her parents' hearts through out their throats as they jumped to figure out what was wrong.
"Does she need to be changed?" Ben asked, worried.
Rey put the baby on the bed in front of her and hastily undid the swaddle, exposing her fuzzy, velvety-soft little body down to the diaper.
"Blue line!" Ben said, pointing. "That means she needs a change."
"It does?" Rey blinked at the diaper.
He pointed out a line in the center of the diaper. "It starts out yellow, but when she pees it turns blue. Here, I can take care of it."
Before Rey even really knew what was happening, his huge hands had engulfed Olive, supporting her head as he deftly lifted her away and put her in the plastic bassinet. Swiftly and expeditiously, like he knew they'd be there, he pulled out a teensy diaper and a packet of wipes from the drawer on the cart. He peeled open the diaper and took a look.
"It's just wet," he informed her. Olive gave a cranky little squawk of protest.
Rey watched, marveling, as he gave the baby girl a swift wipe and changed the diaper like he was some undercover expert at it.
"How…?" she wondered.
"I've been practicing," he said as the only explanation.
Barb came in again to give Rey some more ibuprofen and a stool softener just as he was finishing up, grinning a little grin.
"Wet?"
"Yeah," said Ben.
"Great. I have a chart for you to fill out. I'll show you how. Do you know how to swaddle her back up?"
"They showed me in the delivery room, but I'm not sure I remember."
"Alright. Just a minute." Barb went to Rey first. She put the medication in her hand. "How are you feeling?"
"Good," sighed Rey. "A little sleepy."
"You should sleep every opportunity you can. Your body did something a lot harder than running a marathon. It needs the rest to recover. Do you want us to take Olive to the nursery so you can sleep?"
"No!" Rey said quickly, horrified at the idea.
Barb chuckled. "Okay, okay. Don't worry, she can stay. No one will take your baby. Also, something else to think about — try doing a lot of skin to skin, when you can. It's so good for them. Ben, you can do it too, if you're so inclined. You just get her down to a diaper and put her against the skin of your chest for a while. After you nap, of course. Rest is first."
She went to Ben and took Olive's vitals before showing him how to arrange the blanket and wrap Olive into a tight little bundle again. She also showed him how to burp her. After a few pats from Ben, Olive made a tiny, wet belch and then settled down at last. She stopped squirming so much and sighed. Afterwards, Barb checked Rey's bleeding again and complemented her on the dress. She urged Rey to think about lunch after taking a nap, and then left again.
She wasn't the type to hover. Rey didn't mind.
Ben turned off the lights in the room and went to the couch, tucking Olive up under his chin. "Sleep," he told Rey. "That's an obnoxious husband order. Don't worry about anything else."
Rey settled back against the bed, pressing the button to lower it until she was laying nearly flat. She curled up on her side and watched as Ben pulled out his laptop and put on a movie, applying earbuds to each ear. "We're gonna watch Karate Kid," he whispered to Olive. "I think you're going to like it."
Rey smiled and let her eyes drift shut, happy as she fell asleep.
When she woke again a couple hours later, the first thing she noticed was a heavenly, hot, greasy aroma filling her nose. Her eyes popped open and her head lifted — and she spotted the brown paper bag labeled with her favorite burger joint. Her mug sat next to it, dewy with a fresh fill of ice and water. She sat up, blinking and tremendously hungry.
But before she could dig in, something else caught her attention. Ben and Olive weren't on the couch anymore. She saw them across the room near the windows, standing in splintered shafts of dim, stormy afternoon light coming through the blinds. Ben swayed a little, the distant thunder of his voice rolling softly through the quiet room. Rey couldn't quiet hear was he was saying but — was he singing?
She slipped out of bed, padding softly towards them, tugging the shawl around herself. Quietly, so as not to disturb them, she drew in close.
"Like the river flows," Ben whisper-sang, running his fingers through downy black baby hair, "surely to the sea, darling so it goes, some things are meant to be. So take—"
His breath hitched. Olive's fingers splayed open and wrapped around one of his.
"—My hand," Ben barely managed to get out, his voice ragged with sudden emotion, and a thick pause stole his next words away.
Rey made herself known, slipping up behind him, her hand sliding down his back while she leaned into his shoulder. Olive stared up at him in that furrowed, hazy kind of way.
"Take my whole life too," he continued, turning his head to Rey.
His eyes searched hers, obsidian pools laced with whorls of gold in the ragged light, shining with unspilled tears. They glittered, dark and warm and helplessly, hopelessly soft. They lingered on her for a moment before returning to the smaller mirrored images of them, reflected back in the tiny dark eyes of his daughter.
"For I can't help falling in love with you."
And Rey echoed in her mind his last refrain with him.
Oh, I can't help falling in love with you.
A/N: I commissioned a very beautiful bit of fanart for this piece but FF won't let me link it here or post the pic itself, so link in my bio if you want to see!