Summary: A couple of introductions and a distracted new father
A/N: Guys I am humbled and overwhelmed and blown away by the support of the last three chapters. They were an intense dive into an event that can be kind of uncomfortable for a lot of people to think about in detail, so I'm grateful for all the love. Rey's experience is an amalgamation of my own three births, with bits and pieces taken from each and with a few elements that are entirely her own. Writing those chapters gave me intense flash backs to my deliveries and actually provoked honest-to-god sympathy cramps, but I loved writing them. Thank you so much. We're not quite done yet, but I do want to say that writing this fic has been a joy because of you guys and your overwhelming enthusiasm. I hope you all know how much I love you.
Zooming out a little bit from the intensity now, a brief glimpse into the interim between "hello" and "welcome home."
I was planning a Ben POV for this one, but that's been pushed to the next chapter. I promise you'll get into his head next time!
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE: The Wreck of Our Hearts
"Holy fu—"
"Hux," Ben cut him off, "Watch your language."
Hux laughed. "It's not like she's developing memories or language yet, Solo, calm down."
"I don't care, you'll be respectful when you're in the presence of my daughter," Ben menaced.
The October thunderstorm had eased into a light evening rain pattering against the windows. Rey sat cross-legged on the big hospital bed, Olive on the mattress in front of her while Rose and Hux leaned in to get a good look. Within the new mother flowed a slow, tranquil stream of deep contentment. After the flurry of life-altering cosmic shifts this morning, the day had slowed way down and given rise to a kind of soft, timeless void where only love existed. The burger had been eaten and thoroughly enjoyed, the nurses had changed guard again, and Ben — after singing to his baby and tucking Rey back into bed, and putting a sleeping Olive back into her bassinet — had spent almost a solid hour wandering around outside on the phone while the two of them dozed. When he came back and Rey asked him if things with the house closing were complicated, he kissed her forehead, told her no and to not worry about it.
The friends wanted to come meet the new kid that night. Rey had promised to tell Finn when it was safe, but she couldn't have them all there at once. So she let Rose and Hux come first, the only visitors she wanted for the rest of the evening. Tomorrow they'd arrange to have the others stop by in shifts.
"I was about to compliment you on your fine handiwork," Hux said, glancing up at Ben again. "Before you decided to go full Boy Scout on me."
"Not my handiwork," Ben told him. "She's all Rey."
"I dunno, buddy," Rose chimed in. "Your contribution is kind of obvious. That hair, huh?"
"So much hair," Hux agreed.
"But you did do all the work." Rose glanced at Rey with a soft smile. "And you did amazing. She's insanely cute."
Rey grinned. Olive was awake and would probably want to eat soon, but for now she lay there snug her in swaddle, blinking up at Rose and Hux with a solemn little turn to her lips.
"I can't believe you guys are parents," Rose sighed and eased her hip onto the bed next to Rey. "Does it feel real?"
"Not even a little," Rey admitted with a little laugh. "It's like a dream."
Not all of it. Not the less pleasant aspects, like the ice pack wedged between her legs, or the way her uterus seemed to be directly connected to Olive's mouth, rolling in wave after wave of nasty cramping every time the baby nursed. Those things were grimly real and not at all dream-like. But when she looked into the face of this tiny new person, when she made a soft sound, when Ben held her— these were all things that did not feel like they could be part of her life. Like this was a pretty somnolent illusion that could not endure the waking. She'd trip and fall and jump herself into consciousness, and discover that she was back in England on a cold threadbare mattress on the ground in a house with too many children competing for too little food.
Because how did someone like her get to live a life where this beautiful, tiny little person who smelled like the sweetest drug and felt like home in her arms, was hers? How did things turn out this way?
She glanced over at Ben, filling out Olive's feeding and diapering chart, logging her latest diaper change from half an hour ago. It had been a startling discovering, finding that the diaper contained the stickiest black tar-like substance they'd ever seen. Ben had valiantly done his best to get her all clean, which looked to be no easy feat. Rey offered to help, but he refused.
"You did the hard part," he said. "I can at least change the diapers and deal with intergalactic ooze that won't wipe off."
Rey had laughed at that.
He charted the ooze now, dutifully keeping the log like it was vital to Olive's survival.
"You are beautiful, Liv," Hux whispered to the baby. "And I promise to watch my language so you don't pick up any bad habits."
"Thank you," said Ben, hunched over the chart.
"Do you want to hold her?" Rey asked Rose. There was something funny on her friend's face, some strange expression Rey couldn't read at all.
"Wash your hands first," Ben cut in.
Rose snickered as she got up and went to the sink. "I will, Nervous Nelly, don't worry."
Ben was really protective. When they took Olive away a while ago for testing and a proper bath, Ben had paced nervously around until Rey made him to stop. She didn't like having the baby gone either, but at least she was calm about it. She asked him to go get a refill of ice and water in her big mug. It was an errand which she could have easily asked the nurse to do, but Ben seemed glad for the task and took the opportunity to stop by the nursery and watch through the window. When he came back, he climbed into the big queen bed, wrapped his arms around Rey and buried his face in her soft, empty middle. She stroked his hair and neither of them said anything for a long time.
He relaxed again when they brought Olive back later, reporting good test results and a nice clean baby.
Hux glanced at Rey. "How are you doing? You look great for someone who's just been through what you have."
She grinned. "Better than yesterday?"
"Calmer than yesterday," he agreed. "Even though you were freakishly calm for the situation even then. Look what happened since. You made a whole human."
She laughed. "I did. And I feel good. Actually, I feel good enough to go home."
"Not yet," Ben said — again. She'd mentioned it a few minutes before Rose and Hux arrived, how she felt pretty great except for some pain fully manageable through ibuprofen and acetaminophen. She said she wasn't sure she wanted to stay the full three days in maternity. Ben had given her the same answer. He wasn't comfortable going home yet. They didn't know what they were doing, at least here they had built-in support only a button away, and he wanted to make sure she was as rested and healed as possible before they attempted this on their own.
They were good reasons, so Rey didn't argue, but it didn't change how she felt like she could walk out of here and go back to Ben's condo and be perfectly fine.
"I think I have to agree with Solo," Hux said, jarred by this confession. "Even though I have nothing to do with it. You just had a baby today. Shouldn't you stay a little longer?"
"Easy, Hux, I'm not going anywhere," Rey laughed. "I just feel better than I expected, that's all."
Rose came back with clean hands. Rey lifted her bundle of baby, heart squeezing tight as it did every time she got Olive in her hands, and carefully transferred her to Rose. Her friend immediately put Olive into the crook of her arm and stepped backwards into the couch, sitting and supporting her elbow on the armrest, settling in with a surprising degree of expertise. She didn't look at all awkward, like she didn't know what to do with a newborn. No, in fact she looked...completely comfortable.
Hux went and sat next to her, stretching his arm over the back of the couch behind her so he could lean in. "You seem like you've done this before."
"You remember those old books? The Babysitter's Club?"
"No," said Hux.
"No," said Rey.
Rose laughed. "Okay well failed reference aside, Paige and I established a sort of babysitter service to make money as teenagers. We used to babysit a lot," said Rose. "Paige would always handle the older kids, and I'd get the babies."
"I might be calling you for advice and help then," Rey told her. "Sounds like you know what you're doing, and I don't. At all."
Rose flashed her a little smile and then returned her attention to the baby. "I wouldn't mind that, especially if I get to come over and get baby snuggles."
Ben moved around the room, tidying up the few things that were out of place, rearranging the absurd number of flowers and balloons his parents had brought. Rey thought he seemed a little agitated, but she didn't want to call him out on it in front of their friends. The relaxed, emotional, awe-struck Ben of hours ago had been replaced by someone with ants under his skin.
"Hux," he said at one point, "walk with me to the cafeteria. I need a snack."
Hux glanced up, mildly surprised. He shrugged, stood and followed. "We going walkabout, buddy? You got something to say?"
"Maybe."
"Oh, that's not at all vague and intriguing. I'm in."
Rey could only muster the energy for a hazy sort of curiosity, and it was fleeting at that. She was just glad Ben was getting something in his stomach. He hadn't eaten anything since...wow, since last night, before everything got crazy.
Rose glanced up. "How are you really doing, sweetie? How did it all go?"
She stood and came to the bed. Rey shifted over to make room for her, and they sat side by side, little Olive between them.
"It wasn't anything like I thought it would be," Rey said honestly. "Really intense, but not as awful. It's hard to describe. But I'm good now. I have moments of...well, it feels like horror, where I realize this is permanent and I have no idea how to proceed. But even saying that, it hasn't been as scary as I expected. It helps when I hold her. Then it feels like I could do anything. Would do anything. For her."
Such a dizzying contradiction of emotions that churned and roiled in her like a stormy sea. On the one hand, she felt peaceful and loved and full of love. On the other, she seesawed between overwhelming inadequacy and bursting confidence. They told her the emotional ride was normal and expected. That didn't make it any less disorienting, though.
"She's the most amazing thing I've ever seen, and I take back everything I said before about you guys making a mistake. She's not a mistake." Rose leaned her head on Rey's shoulders. "I'm just amazed by your bravery. How did you face it? In the beginning, I mean. Could you see this moment, right here? Is that how you made the choice to...jump off this cliff?"
"You mean when I found out about her? The choice to keep it or not?"
Rose nodded.
Rey shook her head. "I couldn't see this at all. I didn't know what would happen. I had no idea what this would do to me and Ben, or how it would change me. I just...there was just this feeling. It's so hard to explain. A feeling like I had to do it. I wanted to do it."
She saw Olive's little crochet candy corn hat lying on the bed and took it, sliding it over her baby's fuzzy head in a sudden worry that she'd be cold without it. The hospital room wasn't the warmest place — certainly not as warm as where Olive had been this morning.
Rose giggled. "Okay, that hat is adorable."
"I thought so too," said Rey. "They brought her back from her bath wearing it. They said a volunteer made a bunch for all the October babies."
They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Then Rey elbowed her and said softly, "Hey, what's on your mind? Why'd you ask? I know you're thinking about something. I'm gonna be nosy and pry now. What's going on?"
"It's...Hux," Rose sighed. "He really wants to get married. He won't drop the subject, especially watching all of this, with you guys. It's got him all in his feelings."
"I thought you wanted to marry him."
"I...don't not want to marry him..."
Rey laughed. "I have no idea what that means."
"Yeah. Me neither." Rose gave her a sheepish smile. "I mean, I love him. I do. He makes me really happy."
Nobody who knew Rose Tico and Armitage Hux could think they were anything but incandescently in love. The head over heels, pull-the-moon-down-for-you kind of love. They'd been together for ages. Years and years. They were great together. Completely natural.
"So what's the problem?"
Rose smirked. "Funny hearing that question from you. The problem is that...I don't know, what if it doesn't...last?"
Rey blinked. "Doesn't last?"
"Yeah. You know. What if it falls apart?"
"What makes you think it will?" Rey asked gently. "You guys have been together for so long. Is it getting stale?"
"No! Definitely not. I just...I don't know. I'm nervous, I guess. I don't know how you and Paige did it. How did you make the commitment? I mean, granted yours was a lot bigger than just getting engaged, but still. I don't understand. What if we get married and everything we love about our life changes? What if being married kills the romance? He wants kids. I know he does. What if we follow you and Ben into this crazy new parent world and then the stress of it pulls us apart? Our life together right now is so good. It's so very, very good. I don't want to ruin it by introducing unnecessary change."
Olive stirred. She arched and squirmed in her burrito, scrunching her face and then her body. She turned a little red and then —
A huge fart erupted out of her, so manly for such a tiny little lady.
Rey and Rose laughed.
"I don't know where you got your comedic timing from, little Livvy," Rose giggled, "because neither of your parents are good at it, but that was most excellent. Thank you for lightening the mood."
Olive sighed and settled again, her blinks long and slow.
Rey never knew she could feel so much overwhelming affection for anything in her life. It was like her heart had burst to three times its size and still it wasn't enough to contain her love. She wanted to snatch Olive out of Rose's arms and bury her face in that tiny blanket and drink deeply of the intoxicating smell of a newborn. She held herself back, though, because she wasn't sure Rose would understand and she didn't want to alarm her friend.
"Honestly," she said instead, her smile lingering, "I really have no advice for you. I'm the last person in the world who could give advice about that. Until all of this, I lived my life mired in what-if's and worst case scenarios. It's why it took me so long to realize my feelings for Ben. And I wish I could tell you how it happened that I took the plunge and decided to have his baby, how it happened that I married him and agreed to buy a house with him, but I don't know. I still don't understand how any of it happened — only I'm glad that it did. Even if it all ends in pain someday, which I hope it won't, just to experience this once in my life will have been worth it."
"God, Rey," Rose said whisper-soft. "You're gonna make me cry."
"Olive's blanket is absorbent," Rey teased gently, shouldering her friend. "But seriously, I don't know what to tell you about Hux, except maybe you should explain all these feelings and fears to him if you don't want him bringing the subject up all the time."
"Yeah. That's...probably a very good idea." Rose exhaled a quiet breath and stared down at Olive. Suddenly her head snapped up and she looked at Rey. "Wait, did you say married? As in 'ed,' as in past-tense?"
"No," Rey said quickly, blushing. "Did I say it that way?"
"Yes." Rose's eyes narrowed. "You did."
"I meant to say agreed to marry him."
"Uh-huh." Rose shifted Olive to her other arm so she could pick up Rey's hand and examine it. "Where's your ring?"
"They made me take it off when we got here in case I swelled up or something." That wasn't a lie. It was in her bag. "What do you think you'd be able to tell by looking at it anyway? You think you're going to find some evidence of a secret elopement written into the stone?"
"Hmm, good point. It's an antique. Probably won't have a wedding band." Rose rotated Rey's wrist instead, thumbing her plastic hospital ID band around so she could peer at the information there. "But are you going to try to convince me they listed your information wrong too? Because this says Rey Solo."
Rey pulled her arm back, heat pooling in her cheeks again. "Would you believe me if I said yes, they got it wrong?"
"No."
She laughed. "Okay, then... it isn't a mistake."
"Reeeeeyyyyyy!" Rose screeched so loudly and suddenly that Olive jerked violently awake and let out a panicked gasp and desperate cry. "Oh shit — I mean shoot — I'm sorry —"
Rey scooped her daughter up quickly and lifted her to her chest, letting tiny, offended wails puff against her neck. She patted Olive's back and made soothing noises. It felt like the right thing to do. She glanced at Rose and gave a helpless shrug. Was this good? Was this how compentant mothers soothed their children?
Ben came tearing back into the room, half a plastic-wrapped deli sandwich in hand. "What happened? Is she okay?"
Rey laughed. "Wow, you're like a genie. Rub Olive three times and poof, her father appears."
He hurried over to the bed. "What's wrong? She sounds hurt. Are you okay?"
Olive was already quieting, her protests pittering off under the rhythm of Rey's pats. Rey surged with triumph. She was doing it right. "I'm fine, and she's fine. She just got startled."
Hux must've come in after Ben, because he helped himself to the couch again and reclined like he hadn't a care in the world, throwing a smirk their way. "What'd you do, Rosie? Did you pinch her?"
Rose coughed conspicuously. "Uh, okay so it was my fault, but in my defense I got startled too. I freaked out which made her freak out. But check out Rey, look at her, she's a total natural."
Ben was looking at Rey, his worry replaced by an expression that had gone all soft again. She gave him a reassuring smile.
"It's okay," she said, briefly moving her hand from Olive's back to Ben's arm. "I got this. Really. Did you find something to eat?"
He sighed, pulling himself backwards to the couch and sitting down beside Hux. He looked at his sandwich. "I guess that's what you call this, yeah."
"I call it sadness in plastic wrap," Hux laughed. "Rose, we should probably bring this guy some real food this evening."
"We can do that," said Rose. "Ben, don't eat that. We'll get you something better."
"It's fine," he assured them. "I'll just order delivery. No big deal."
"It's been a big day, you're all worked up, and need to calm down. Let us bring you food." Hux tapped a finger on Ben's shoulder.
"I'm not worked up."
"You heard one little echo of Liv crying and went tearing off like a bat outta hell, Solo," Hux laughed. "You're a nervous wreck. You just need to calm down. Tell yourself to chill, that's the trick."
"Thank you for that sage advice," Ben said with unveiled sarcasm. "I'll be sure to return the sentiment when the roles are one day reversed."
Rey glanced at Rose at that, who blushed and picked at the blanket on the bed.
Hux laughed. "It's cute to see you like this, Solo. Gone all soft and nervous for a baby."
Ben's mouth pressed into a line and his gaze settled on the floor, no reply rising to meet Hux's gentle derision. Rey had never known him to offer up his feelings to just anyone. He confided in Poe, sometimes, and he confided in her. But she knew him too well to expect that he'd let Hux in on his heightened emotions.
She couldn't really blame him for it either. While she wasn't exactly certain of what this experience was like for him, she knew in herself that every minor feeling that flitted through her was magnified tenfold. A flicker of nervousness because a skyscraper of breathless terror. A blip of happiness became consuming, euphoric joy. It helped when she slept. Sleeping tamed the surges of feeling. Ben hadn't slept at all. Not a single nap. So while he might not be riding the white water rapids of hormonal upheaval, he certainly had reason to be overwhelmed too.
She wondered how sleeping would work tonight. How it would work for the foreseeable future, in fact? Babies were notoriously good at torturing their parents with sleep deprivation, weren't they?
"Leave him alone, Armie," Rose urged. "Let's just go get him some good food."
"I didn't even get to hold little Liv yet though," Hux protested.
But Olive was squirmy and restless. Her cries had quieted but now she kept nuzzling her face against Rey's neck, mouth open and searching.
Because you associate my scent with eating, Rey thought wearily. She really hoped the nursing thing would indeed get easier. She felt so uncertain all the time, so utterly inadequate. The initial surge of pride she'd felt to see Olive eating the first time had taken longer and longer to come again over the course of the day. Each time it hurt a little more, to the point when she felt physical dread every time Olive started to act hungry, and each time she felt less confident that her baby was getting what she needed. Olive took a long time to eat and she always fell asleep.
They told her a lactation consultant would be around tomorrow to check in. She definitely needed the advice.
"She's hungry," Rose observed. "You'll have to hold her next time, babe. There will be other opportunities. She's kind of a permanent part of the crew now."
Hux sighed and stood up. "Sure, yeah, you're right. We'll get out of your hair now, guys. Ben, we'll text you when we're outside with your food. Mongolian sound okay?"
Ben nodded gratefully.
"Rey? You want some too?" Rose asked.
"Yeah," she said immediately, because food sounded amazing. Her burger was long since gone, and she was hungry.
"Text us what you both like," said Hux. "And congratulations again, guys. She's perfectly wonderful."
"Thank you," Rey said with a smile.
Ben walked Hux over to the door. Rose leaned in to give Rey a quick hug and whispered, "I'll keep your secret, you sneak, but I expect all the details at some point."
Rey smiled. "If you do keep it, I promise to tell you everything."
"Deal," Rose said with a wide dimpled grin. "And thank you for letting us come tonight. I'm so glad I got to meet her."
Holdo stopped by late that evening to check in on things. She seemed pleased with Rey's recovery so far and urged her to get as much sleep as possible. She reminded them that the nursery was there to take Olive between feedings if they wanted the rest, and to take advantage of the help while they had it. With the promise of returning tomorrow, she left again, and the evening settled down.
Rey nursed Olive again, grateful that Ben had gone out to grab their food and missed the part where she burst into tears at the first stab of pain through her sore, abused nipple. By the time he came back she was through the worst of it and had wiped her face dry with her free hand. He gave her a concerned look, but she ignored him in favor of the food. She'd discovered that nursing induced terrible cramps, true, but also incredible hunger. She remembered very well the last time she felt so hungry, and was desperate to fill the void before it grew any larger.
Ben laughed as she greedily and one-handedly gobbled up her Mongolian BBQ take-out, the other resting on her nursing pillow, holding Olive firmly against her. It was a tricky maneuver, but she knew she could do it because she'd seen other nursing moms employing similar tricks out at parks and restaurants.
After both Rey and Olive had eaten to their satisfaction, they both wanted to sleep. So Olive went into her little bassinet, and Rey nestled into a den of blankets. Leia was right, she alternated between being ghastly sweaty and shivering cold, and right now her body tilted to the cold.
Ben dimmed the lights to a minimum and started to pull the couch out into his bed, but Rey lifted her head.
"You don't want to sleep up here? It's big enough."
Well, not exactly big enough — this was only a queen, and Ben's enormous body needed at least a king to be fully accommodated, but certainly it was bigger than that little dinky pullout couch.
He paused, giving her a reluctant look. "You'd probably sleep better without me tossing and turning, and it's really important that you get good sleep tonight, as much as you can."
"Yeah…" She knew there was wisdom in that, and that he might not want to sleep in a bed with someone who was shedding as much internal soup as she was at the moment. But still, she craved his closeness right now. "I won't make you sleep here if you don't want to, but can we just...cuddle for a little bit?"
His expression instantly softened, and he dropped the cushions in his hands at once, making his way over to her and onto the bed. She eased herself down, wincing a little, and he gathered her into his arms.
"Are you nervous?" she asked him softly, face nestled into his neck. "About tonight, I mean."
"Yes. I have no idea how it's going to go."
"Me neither." Right now Olive was quiet and fast asleep. They should probably follow suit immediately, to enjoy the silence while it lasted. But for as tired as she was, Rey wasn't quite there yet.
"Are you okay?" she asked Ben after a few minutes of silence, a few minutes where only the slow steady cadence of his heartbeat soothed her.
It took too long for his reply to come, and when it did, it surprised her. "No."
She pulled back slightly, getting a good look at his face.
He chuckled, tugging her back in against him. "It's fine. Don't worry. I'm just...having a lot of irrational feelings and I'm trying to wrestle them back into control. My parents always said I was too emotional for my own good, and I guess I'm really feeling that right now. But you don't need to worry about me. You're way more important to this equation than I am."
She brushed her lips against the column of his throat. "Tell me what you're feeling."
"I told you, it's all irrational."
"It doesn't matter. Tell me anyway."
He sighed, and there was a little bit of a growl laced into that deep sound. "Just let me worry about you."
"Stop trying to be so noble all the time, Ben Solo, and let me in." She tapped on his chest. "Whatever you're feeling is okay. I'm feeling all kinds of crazy. I promise you don't have me beat. So just tell me."
"I'm really, really happy," he said slowly. "You need to know that first. But it's a weird feeling too. It's a kind of happy so profound I'm not sure what to do with it. And it carries with it a level of terror I never expected either."
"Terror," she echoed.
He nodded against her head. "She's here now, and she's so tiny, and so vulnerable, and just like I was afraid of, I realize how inadequate I am. I'm gripped by this need to set fire to anything in this world that might make her suffer."
Rey exhaled, not quite a laugh — because she didn't want to laugh at him — but this idea, however familiar in sentiment to her own wild emotions, was ludicrous. "Ben, you can't become one of those snow plow parents who clears away anything hard that their kid might face. That's not good for teaching her how to confront challenges."
"I know," he croaked. "Like I said, irrational."
"You can't really grow without learning how to suffer."
"I just hate the idea of anything hurting her." His arms tightened again. "Or you. It's like suddenly I have so much to protect. I just want it all to be perfect for us."
"It won't be, Ben." She reached up above her to graze her fingers over his ear and down his neck. "Of course it won't be. Perfection doesn't exist. But we will be happy in all our messy imperfection."
He was quiet for a moment at that, until he shifted, rolling her slightly onto her back so he could press an urgent, fierce kiss to her surprised by willing mouth.
"I love you," he said hoarsely.
She smiled, stroked hair back from his face, and whispered softly, "I love you too."
It still felt exciting to say it, even after a strange surreal summer of testing out all the ways it could be said. It still made her heart glow with disbelief and pleasure.
Olive awoke twice in the night to eat, and both times Rey tried to choke back tired tears as Ben sat up with her and stroked her back and tried to comfort her. Both times when Olive finished, he took the baby in arms and wandered around the room, patting her and gently bouncing her until she burped. After the second time she woke, he called the night nurse and had them take her to the nursery for a little while, until the next feeding.
Rey was too tired to protest. Without Olive in the room making her little grunts and shudders and quiet sounds, Rey's brain finally shut all the way down and she slept like the dead until the next feeding a couple hours later when they brought her back. This time she experimented, lying on her side and letting Olive lay next to her. Whatever it was about this position changed the shape of Olive's latch and it didn't hurt, for once. Rey sighed gratefully and let herself doze. Ben, curled onto a quiet, watchful shape on the other side of the bed, this thumb stroking over the blanketed bean shape of Olive's back.
Around seven AM the nurse shift changed again, and her new nurse brought Rey some ibuprofen and tylenol. This woke the new parents up sufficiently so that they decided to start the day. Rey showered and washed her hair this time. Getting thoroughly clean was an almost orgasmic relief, and she exited the shower excited and refreshed. She applied a little makeup and brushed the tangles out of her hair and felt deliciously human again. Ben offered to braid her hair, and she accepted with a surge of strong affection.
The rest of the day was calm and sweet. Ben put the friends off another day, explaining that he'd rather wait for all their visits until they were out of the hospital. Rey didn't protest. She liked the quiet. In the meantime, Ben liked to have Olive in his arms whenever they weren't doing anything. While watching movies or sending text messages — Rey assumed to work clients — he made sure to keep the bundle of a baby tucked snugly into his body.
The lactation consultant stopped by and Rey explained how much pain she was having with nursing. The woman's name was Beatrice, and she had a soothing, calm disposition. She watched how mother and baby approached the task of feeding and gently showed Rey how to help Olive get a better latch.
"If you're placed far enough back in her mouth," Beatrice said, "You shouldn't feel any pain, and she'll get more productive draws. Feeding won't take so long, and you won't be so sore."
By now Rey was well conditioned to expect it to hurt, so she braced her shoulders and waited for that initial sting, but by rolling a more generous mouthful of breast into Olive's tiny searching mouth, she discovered Beatrice was right. It didn't hurt at all.
And then she teared up all over again out of pure relief.
Nursing got easier after that. She still had a learning curve, of course, and still fumbled around a little on her own trying to repeat the performance, but over the day she got better and better at it.
Han and Leia returned with more flowers and gifts in the afternoon, this time with Luke and Mara in tow. Rey felt good. Restored. She wanted to show off her baby. Wanted to feel that unmistakable sense of pride and affection when the four of them cooed and fawned over this beautiful little girl that she made.
"She's got a lot of Ben in her," Luke decided. "Don't you think, Leia? Looks a little like him when he was a newborn."
"Not at all," said Leia. "Just the hair and ears. And when her eyes open, those too are Ben. But the rest I think is all Rey. Her little mouth and nose and the shape of her eyes."
"No," Luke protested. "I remember Ben looking a lot like this."
"You remember nothing, old man. Look. I'll prove it to you." Leia went to some of the things she brought and pulled out an album. "I grabbed this from the lake house the last time we were there. I knew we'd want to compare infants. So let's do it."
Rey laughed as everyone gathered around. They put Olive on the bed and the photo album next to her. Leia flipped to the right pages, past pictures of a young, dashingly handsome Han in full gear ready for an archeological dig. Past pictures of a beautiful young couple at their wedding. Past pictures of that same young couple traveling and having a grand time, and a steadily growing belly on Leia, until suddenly there was a newborn in the pictures.
Everyone leaned in.
"Ha!" cried Han triumphantly. "Team Solo with the point. Good job, Honey."
"I know my own son," Leia said, smug as a bedbug. "And this little lady is not him. Oh she's got enough of him, for sure, but she's much prettier."
The grainy, 80's-looking pictures of the newborn Ben showed a much uglier infant. He was all wrinkled and dour, looking like a grumpy old man. Rey had seen these pictures earlier in the summer and she knew how he got very cute very quickly, but these early photos made her laugh. Beyond his general squished-look, though, Leia was right. Their faces were kind of different. Olive's chin was a little more square, her mouth a little smaller, her eyes a little wider set.
Ben grinned. "Thank god for Rey, saving the poor thing with her superior genes."
"Too bad we don't have any pictures of you as a baby, kiddo," Han said, throwing Rey a wink. "Then we could really compare."
"Too bad," Rey agreed.
"Babies change so much in their first year," Mara reflected, flipping through more of the album, skimming through Ben's infancy. "Who knows what she'll look like by her first birthday."
"Alright, I concede," decided Luke. "She's certainly an improvement on the original model."
Leia patted Ben's cheek with a proud grin. "See now? That wasn't so hard, was it?"
"What wasn't so hard?"
"Getting me that grandbaby I've been asking you for. Just took you a few years to finally listen."
A subtle rise of color tinged Ben's cheeks, but before he could reply his mother turned away from him, making her way over to Rey instead. Rey had stood, choosing to sit in the rocking recliner instead of the bed for a change of posture, but Leia caught her on her way to it.
"Now, I don't want you to worry about anything when you get home, alright? Artu is cooking like mad to stock your fridge and freezer full of meals so neither of you has to think about meals for a while. We'll set you up with grocery deliveries too, until you feel ready to get out of the house. I trust Ben can handle the laundry, but if he can't, I've got a same-day laundry service on standby. Luke's going to give Ben a full six weeks of paternity leave, aren't you?"
Luke gave his sister a hairy eyeball. "My employees are going to sue me for outrageous nepotism, but I'd rather not risk the wrath of my sister by refusing this not-so-subtle demand, so yes. Six weeks."
Rey laughed. "Will you survive without him?"
"Gwen has been assisting with his clients for a while in preparation so she can cover for him," said Luke. "Luckily she happens to want to help Ben, though why she considers him a friend I cannot imagine."
"Me neither," Ben said dryly.
Rey giggled again. "I'm grateful, Luke. Thank you."
She hadn't really thought about Ben having to go back to work, but just the faint suggestion of it threatened to unspool her into an emotional tangle, so she was glad to postpone the inevitable until her hormones had stabilized a little more.
Luke's ash-dusted beard twitched with his little smile. "You're welcome."
Mara had Olive cuddled in her arms. She nudged Luke. "Come here, let's get Han to take our picture with this sweet angel. Rey, you'll let us babysit for you once in a while, won't you?"
Leia gave her a wink and moved out of the way so she didn't end up in the picture. Ben tugged Rey over to the recliner and gently pushed her down into it.
"Looks like we have a lot of potential babysitters," he said in a low, warm chuckle. "Maybe I'll get the chance to properly date you at last."
Rey grinned. "You mean the last few years don't count?"
"No, they don't."
"I suppose then we probably should date before I marry you," she said, then darting a glance at Luke and Mara, tugged him down to her so she could whisper deviously, "again."
He laughed, spreading an arm over her to brace himself as he leaned closer and kissed her. In a swift movement he pulled the level on the other side and kicked her feet out from under her, pushing the back of the recliner down. "Be careful, little mama. Being irresistible is what got us into this mess in the first place."
"I'm not complaining."
His eyes lingered on her lips for half a second, his own spreading in a slows mile. "Neither am I."
A/N: Next up: Ben's secret