CHAPTER 2: APHRODITE DUMPS ARES
Aphrodite, Ares, and Hephaestus were sitting in the waiting room of a dentist office on Earth. This wasn't Dr. Crest; this was some dude named Dr. White.
Aphrodite wasn't getting her teeth pulled yet, so she was here for a consultation.
"Ms. Aphrodite?"
Aphrodite, Ares, and Hephaestus all headed into the dentist's conference room, where Dr. White was sitting. Aphrodite thought about poking her eyes out because he was not hot!
"Hello, Ms. Aphrodite," said Dr. White. "I hear you're having some teeth issues, correct?"
Aphrodite nodded. "Are you single?"
"Yes. Yes I am."
"Shocker," Aphrodite muttered.
"Sorry, she's nervous," said Hephaestus. "She was married to me, too, but sadly, she went for this bastard right here." He jabbed his thumb at Ares.
Dr. White looked at Aphrodite. "Anyway, your appointment is for tomorrow afternoon at two-thirty." He laughed, but only he got the joke. "Uh…anyway," he said awkwardly, "she'll need an escort, so maybe one of you would be fine. We don't want patients freaking out over you two. I heard how much you'd misbehaved in the waiting room earlier."
"Well, he's god of the forges, so he was telling me he'll blow me up."
Dr. White fainted.
"Way to go, man," Hephaestus said. "C'mon. I have to go make out with a nymph."
THE NEXT DAY…
That morning, both gods (despite Dr. White's orders) headed to the dentist office with Aphrodite. For some reason, the goddess of love was afraid of medical procedures, so the gods had to drag her into the office.
"Hi," said the receptionist, "how may I help you?"
"This is Aphrodite," said Ares. "She's here to have her wisdom teeth out today."
"Ah," said the receptionist. "Well, Dr. White is with another patient, but he'll be with you shortly."
Ares, Aphrodite, and Hephaestus sat down in the chairs and began to act like the jerk gods they were.
"Aphrodite!" a fat nurse screamed. "Dr. White's waiting for you! Let's go!"
This nurse should not be working here, Hephaestus thought to himself.
The nurse led the three immortals back to an exam room. When Aphrodite saw the big, red dentist chair and the light hanging over it, she freaked. "Uh…" she said, "actually, I'm all better now."
"No, Aphro," said Ares, "we must get this done, or"—he paused while thinking of a good threat "—or you'll never be beautiful again."
Aphrodite squealed with concern and looked at the chair. "So…who sits there?"
"You do," said the nurse.
"Can't Ares sit there?" Aphrodite squeaked.
"No!" the nurse yelled.
"Fine!" Aphrodite yelled back. She sat down in the chair.
Dr. White walked into the room. "Hey, Aphrodite," he said casually.
But Aphrodite was already out, for the bitchy nurse drugged her.
ONE HOUR LATER…
Ares and Hephaestus were watching "Sea of Monsters", when Hephaestus' phone rang. "Crap!" he screamed. "We need to get to the dentist before Aphrodite blows it up!"
They'd been in a café watching the movie, but now they had to go back to the dentist's office.
Dr. White and the nurse weren't there, but they left a prescription on the tool tray for Hephaestus and Ares to take to the pharmacy.
"Hey, baby," Ares said. "How's it go—"
Aphrodite drooled and looked at him. "Ew!" she squeal-screamed. "What are you doing here?"
"Picking you up. The surgery's over."
"I hate you!" Aphrodite yelled. Then she noticed Hephaestus. "Who's he?"
"That's your former dude Hephaestus," Ares snapped. "Now, get up, Drunkie. Time to get some drugs for you."
"Ya know," said Aphrodite, looking at Ares, "I don't think it's gonna work out, Ares."
"WHY?!" he yelled.
"Because I like ugly men with no lives," Aphrodite replied, getting shakily to her feet.
Ares began to stutter. "But…but…but…"
"No buts, Ares," said Hephaestus. "You heard the nice lady."
Ares then ran screaming and crying—like the coward that he was—and ran all the way to Olympus.
"Dad?" he cried, looking up at Zeus. "Dad, Aphrodite dumped me."
"Well, it's about time," Hera said from Zeus' left. "She deserves Hephaestus…not you."