CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
like real people do
"Are we pathetic?" Rey asked, pushing her food around her plate.
The soft murmur of other conversations filled the diffusely illuminated dining room of the restaurant, the clink of silverware against ceramic dishes lending a quiet percussive accent to the human hum.
Ben sat across from her, staring down at his own food. He looked amazing tonight. His hair was especially full and shiny and soft-looking, and the sleeves of his collared shirt rolled halfway up his forearms was really working for Rey. This was the kind of look that would have annoyed her before, challenging her commitment to thinking of him as just a friend. Now she could enjoy his attractiveness all she wanted, knowing she got to take him home and let him say filthy things to her without trying to pretend it didn't mean anything.
She caught Ben sneaking hooded glances at her now and then, eliciting a kind of foreign, girlish giddiness in her. She'd gotten dressed up for the occasion too, in a soft, deep, jewel-toned turquoise cashmere sweater. She did her hair and makeup and felt like a normal human for the first time in months.
It felt good.
Except that neither of them were very good at it — being normal humans.
His mouth twisted into a wry smile at her question. "Maybe."
Oh, they were definitely pathetic. They spent weeks and weeks being completely subsumed by their new identities as Olive's parents, utterly conquered by their new domestic lives, and then when they finally got an opportunity to be themselves again for the night, they couldn't exactly remember what that was. All they could talk about was Olive.
It was silly, and yeah, pathetic. They came on this "date" to say they'd been on a proper one before they got publicly married. It was supposed to be an opportunity to feel like their old selves for a time, but who they were now was much louder than the muted memories of their single days.
Rey had promised herself that she wouldn't become a walking cliche of a mom. She wouldn't be drowned in the new identity. She had her job, which was still fulfilling and stimulating and could be done comfortably from home so she didn't have to send her tiny little bean to a daycare. She had her friends, who she tried to see as often as she could. She kept watering those friendships, determined that they would not whither, despite her dramatic life changes. She kept baking and prepping for an unseen rainy day, and clung to the vestiges of her old self with stubborn refusal to admit that everything was upended.
It kind of worked. She took Olive to one of those Mommy-and-Me classes people were always trying to recommend to her, and found a couple other independently-minded professionals to get along with. Largely, though, she didn't relate to the culture of mom-ness. She found talking to most of the other parents solely about things regarding babies tedious and unfulfilling. She didn't want to talk about the latest, greatest sleep-training method, or the virtues of cloth versus disposable diapers. When the other moms commiserated over husbands who gagged at dirty diapers, Rey got bored. When they asked each other about their babies' milestones, she ducked out before that oh-so-subtle undercurrent of competition could sneak in. She didn't really care about the other babies at all. She looked at them and felt neutral. But when she looked at her own daughter, her world burst into technicolor.
Except for the couple of others she got along with, she mostly found other moms obnoxiously full of opinions about how things should be done. It reminded her of that birthing class. Motherhood was new and strange and Rey was so far out of her depth with it all, but she didn't really want to be told the right or wrong way to do things. She was feeling it out one day at a time, letting her ardent love for her baby and her instincts guide most of her actions.
So her efforts to cling to some sense of self were working, to a degree.
But not enough to keep her from irrationally missing her baby even while out on this lovely date with Ben.
Luckily, she knew he understood. When he finally had to go back to work after his paternity leave was up, he'd joked about quitting so he could stay with them. With the slowly ebbing tide of hormonal emotions catching her off guard, Rey cried the morning he had to leave. Ben got choked up too, trying to hide it as he kissed them both goodbye. They really were pitiful messes when he dragged himself out the door and back to the office. And when he came home that evening, he sprinted through the door and gathered both of them in arm and demanded to know everything he missed during the day.
It wasn't much.
It's not like a six week old baby has that many exciting moments, between the sleeping and feeding. Except that for the new parents, every moment was exciting. Every new expression, however involuntary, fascinated them. Every funny gesture. And when she began to smile — they were truly lost then. Her emerging grin seldom came, serious little thing that she was, but when it did come it was a million-watts bright.
Rey sent Ben at least a dozen pictures over the course of any given day. They were moments that would seem uninteresting to any outside observer, but Ben responded enthusiastically to every single one.
He understood the crazy emotional attachment to this little creature that swept them hopelessly away.
In their defense, at three months old now, she was arguably the best, most fascinating thing in the whole world.
Especially because just earlier that day, she had laughed.
It was the most magical moment of Rey's life, after meeting her for the first time.
Ben had just changed her diaper on the bed, and stayed there with her making silly sounds and faces, tickling her little tummy. Olive had that wide, toothless smile that always made Rey's heart burst with happiness. The little girl was struggling to express her delight, squealing and kicking her legs like something was trapped in her chest that wanted out. And then it happened. It bubbled out of her like little pip-pops of joy, an effortless cascade of pure magic.
And Rey froze her folding of the tiny clothes and ran over to them. Ben tickled Olive again, and she laughed again. Rey hastily caught the next couple on video before the over-stimulated baby found it all too much and lost the laugh.
Ben grabbed Rey and tackled her to the bed — safely away from the spastic bundle — and the two of them laughed and cried and marveled at this incredible little person who was in the world because they messed up.
"According to Aristotle, Olive now has a soul," Rey said after another minute of silence lapsed between them.
Ben lifted an eyebrow. "Why does she only now have a soul?"
Rey grinned. "I mean, this is just according to him, right? But he believed the soul enters the body with the first laugh. A baby doesn't have one until then."
He chuckled down at his plate. "How did you know I was thinking about that?"
"Because I was thinking about it too. See? I told you. Pathetic."
He laughed. "Being in love with our baby doesn't make us pathetic."
"But we have the chance to not be parents tonight, and yet she's all we can talk about."
Work was boring to discuss after the kind of day they'd had, and the gossip of their friend group just felt less important. Current affairs were hardly the things a couple on a date wanted to discuss. So what else did they have?
"We could always talk about the wedding," he suggested mildly.
Rey laughed. Because if anything felt superfluous and unimportant it was their pending "nuptials." Or rather, the facade of the their nuptials. The wedding was less than three months away now, and Leia was deep in the organization thereof. Rey felt no stress about it. She didn't care how any of it came off. She got the wedding she wanted and was busy living a life she never dreamed of. Leia had full permission to do with it as she pleased. Based on what they knew so far, it was going to be a ridiculous affair.
"Are you excited to go dress shopping tomorrow?" Ben asked.
Leia was not too thrilled that they'd waited this long to find a dress, citing long alteration times, but Rey really wasn't ready to do it before now. She was still coming to terms with her altered body. Her shape had more or less returned to its former silhouette, but she still didn't feel right in her own skin. Her stomach was a little... loose. Holdo assured her, at the IUD insertion appointment, that it would take a while — it took nine months to get one way, it might take as long or longer to get back to the other way. Rey didn't like it, and she still felt kind of weird about her fuller breasts, and the whole idea of shopping for a wedding dress was altogether intimidating.
But the last time she wore one, she felt like a whale. So this would be an improvement, however it turned out.
"Yeah," she decided. "Should be fun. Although poor Mara, she's going to be the only one who doesn't know we're already married."
Ben huffed in amusement, slid more food onto his fork, and went to take a bite. But he paused halfway there, brows drawing down in confusion. "Wait, I thought Rose was going with you."
"Oh…she is." Rey's face warmed, and she laughed. She hadn't told Ben about the conversation she'd had with Rose at the hospital. "I eh...I might have told her."
He chuckled. "Of course she would be the one to know. Why do you sound guilty about it?"
"I didn't ask if you wanted me to share that information. I messed up a little and let the cat out of the bag."
"Rey, I was the one who messed up and let her know about this whole thing in the first place. You think I get to blame you? Wrong." He stole a rosemary potato wedge off her plate. "She's your best friend. You can tell her whatever you want."
Rose had been Rey's lifesaver over the last few weeks. Somehow, her friend seemed to know the exact right time to call and insist on taking Rey out to lunch, or insist on coming over. These moments always, always came just when Rey was beginning to feel overwhelmed and lonely. Rose got her outside of her own head, helping her laugh, helping her feel human again. All the awkwardness of earlier in the summer was gone. Lesson learned, Rose didn't overstep anymore.
"I think she's ready," Rey said thoughtfully.
"For?"
"I think she's ready for Hux to propose."
Ben's face illuminated with surprise and interest. Here was a topic of conversation that did not necessarily revolve around their tiny daughter. He cocked his head to the side and took another bite. "Really? Hux has been wanting to do that forever."
"I know. She's been too nervous that the good life they have now will be ruined if they change their relationship at all."
Ben smirked, eyes rolling off to the side in a funny kind of expression. "Weirdos. That's not a problem I can relate to at all."
What idiots they'd been, she and Ben. They'd danced around it for so long. A perpetual pattern of give and take, a whirl of two souls always in orbit, trying to deny the gravity drawing them steadily towards each other. They were afraid of the collision. Afraid that the supernova of it would cause a black hole, tearing them apart atom by atom. Better to navigate in perpetual limbo than allow that. But they were wrong.
They didn't make a black hole when they collided. They made a nebula. And from that, a brand new star.
In their conversations over these last few weeks, Rey had tried to find ways to tell Rose that she didn't need to be afraid. Hux adored her. Their relationship was solid and strong. A ring and a paper wouldn't be too much weight for it to hold, if they both wanted it.
"If she's ready, why doesn't she just propose to him?" Ben asked. "Hux would probably love that."
Rey was amused by the idea. Rose would be the type to do it, too. It was just the sort of twist she loved in the romcoms she was always trying to get Rey to watch with her. "Doesn't he already have a ring?"
"Probably. If he's smart." Ben picked up her hand and thumbed over her own, the one she found and thought belonged to someone else. "I wonder if we could convince him to propose soon, and make our wedding their wedding instead. Can you imagine the shock and scandal if we announced to all our guests that we are already married, and that we're here to marry Rose and Hux?"
Rey laughed. "Oh don't tempt me, Solo. That sounds incredible."
"Why not, then?"
"Because I'm sure the Ticos would like to invite their own family and friends to their daughter's wedding. And I'm sure Rose would like the chance to plan out her own dream, not your mother's."
He sighed ruefully. "It's no fun that you're right."
She giggled. "Well, we can convince one of them to propose, anyway."
Ben rubbed his chin in thought. "Is this your plan for trying to get them to have a baby, so we can have another parent couple to be friends with?"
"It would be very helpful," Rey said with a grin.
He laughed. "It would."
But thinking of having another parent couple to be friends with made them think of Olive, and both were immediately wistful again.
"Do you like this place?" Ben asked abruptly, looking around at the fancy modern decor and the well-dressed patrons.
Rey shrugged. "Food's okay."
"Come on." He flagged their waiter and handed over his card. "Let's go somewhere that feels more like us."
This was a nicer restaurant than they usually went to. They were a little out of their element here. She appreciated the gesture of trying to take her somewhere fancy, but she'd have enjoyed a burger sloppily eaten in his car just as much. She liked being with him, it didn't really matter how nice the setting was.
He held her hand as they walked out into the night. Being with him now was such a bizarre mix of familiar and new. One the one hand, he was the same Ben he'd always been. Her best friend. The one she liked best out of their whole group. The man she'd go sleep next to on an ill-advised camping trip. The one she'd make starry, dreamy future plans with. The one she'd call when no one could fill the void in her body or her chest quite like he could.
But also, he wasn't the same at all. He was the man who kissed her and whispered words of love to drive away the grief of her abandoned heart. He was the man who held her baby and welled up when she laughed, who cuddled her close and sang about falling in love. The man who gave Rey a family, who made her a mother, who stayed when he could have run.
She was comfortable and easy in his presence, as she always had been. But it went so much deeper now.
They decided to go to a nickel arcade. It wasn't the most adult thing they could do with their attempt at an adult evening, but it sparked a fond memory of a time when they came to a nickel arcade for Hux's birthday. When the group found out he'd never been to one, they insisted on it. The day was a bad one for Rey. She'd gotten into a fight with this guy she was sort of interested in seeing, and one of her clients was refusing to pay their invoice, and it was just one of those days when she wanted to scream at the world. She tried to hide it around her friends, but Ben must have noticed because he pulled her aside and asked if she was alright. She was snarky with him. He asked if a quickie would boost her mood.
It did.
This wasn't the same arcade. She wasn't sure she could ever go into that one again and know what they'd done in the bathroom there. But Ben thought it would be fun to relive some of the memories — if not the whole risk of public exposure thing — and Rey was game. They spent two hours challenging each other on vintage cabinet games and air hockey, ski-ball and baskets. Ben cajoled her into a round of laser tag where they ignored their mostly teenage teammates and just chased each other around in the dark. Rey laughed so much her stomach muscles ached. They didn't talk about diapers or feedings or anything related to babies. They teased each other and talked smack. They flirted, shamelessly, and after a particularly rousing game of Joust, Ben pulled her into a nook between arcade cabinets and kissed her fiercely. It was only when they got kicked out in their second round of laser tag of making out in a dark corner under some black light-illuminated spray paint splatter that they finally decided to call it quits and go get their baby.
Han was laid out in his recliner, a sleeping Olive on his chest, watching an old black and white Samurai film when Rey and Ben let themselves in. Leia was in the same room at a desk on her computer. She glanced up from her laptop when they walked in.
"Have a nice evening?"
"We did, yeah," said Rey happily. She was in a great mood now. Laughing that much made it impossible to not be.
Han lifted his head. "Back already? We barely got any time with her."
"It's been four hours," Ben grumped, going over to his father. "Plenty long enough."
Han put his hands on the little bundle. "She's sleeping so peacefully. Leave her alone."
"Dad, we have to take her home."
"We've got a bassinet here. She could just have a sleepover with grandma and grandpa."
"Dad."
Leia stood and came to Rey's side while the boys bickered, an exasperated look on her face. "Han, stop it. We get her for a whole week after the wedding."
"That's three months away! She's gonna be talking by then, not sweet and small like she is now."
That made Rey laugh. She didn't know exactly what age kids started to talk, but she doubted very much that it would happen at six months old. Ben rolled his eyes while Leia launched into an annoyed rebuttal, and Han released his hold, allowing his son to gently lift the baby off his chest.
Ben turned her over carefully, still supporting her head, eyes running over every inch of her as if inspecting for damage. Olive squirmed and peeped an eye open, brows furrowed, mouth puckered in a disapproving pout.
"I'm sorry to wake you," Ben chuckled. "We missed you, that's all."
Olive stretched, arching her back, little fists shaking. She seemed to perk up a bit after, blinking her long lashes a few times before deciding she was glad to see her father after all. A little grin peeked at the corners of her mouth and she reached for Ben in that clumsy way of hers. Still learning how to operate this gangly limbs.
Ben kissed her forehead and tucked her into his arm. "Are you coming to work with me tomorrow, or going dress shopping with Mama?"
"Would Luke even allow that?" Rey wondered.
"I don't care," Ben said simply. "She can come hang out with Papa, it doesn't matter what grumpy old Great Uncle Luke says."
Leia snorted. "He gets all sore every time you call him that. I think just 'Uncle Luke' will suffice. It makes him sound so old."
Rey slid her arm through Ben's, leaning her cheek against his shoulder to peer down at her little baby. Leia began to gather up the bottles and blankets they'd used during the evening.
"The little princess is coming with us," she said firmly. "She needs a dress for the big day too. And this place we're going — oh, Rey, I hope you don't mind. No David's Bridal for you. A friend of mine has a wonderful business designing wedding dresses. One of her partners does children's clothes, so everything can be custom for you both."
Rey's eyes widened. "Wow, Leia that sounds…"
"Don't worry about it. She's doing it as a favor for me." Leia packed the items into the backpack serving as a diaper bag. "I'll pick you both up for brunch around 11, does that sound good? Rose and Mara can meet us at the cafe."
"That sounds great," Rey said warmly.
Ben took Olive over to the carseat and began buckling her in. Han finally got up and sauntered over to them, sliding his hands into the pockets of his sweats.
"She's a good baby," he sighed. "I don't know whether to call you lucky bastards or congratulate you on being good parents. Is it something you did?"
"Doubt it," Rey laughed. "We don't know what we're doing at all."
Still, Ben gave Olive this huge, proud smile, tucking the blanket in around her to stave off the winter chill. "That's my girl," he said softly.
The little family slipped out into the night, final goodbyes ghosting through the frosty air as they waved and got into the warm car. It was a simple thing to drive home, for Rey to feed Olive, for the three of them to get ready for bed. Ben put their daughter in her crib for the night, clicking on the monitor so they would be able to hear her. She would end up back in their bed after she fed again in the wee hours of the morning, but for now, the new parents wanted her out of the room so they could work out a proper ending to their date.
The morning was quiet and sweet. After Ben left, Rey and Olive cuddled on the bed for a while, grinning and making cooing sounds at each other. Olive was discovering her own voice, and the sounds she could produce in her throat. Her little noises always made Rey melt, or laugh. And she was such a pretty baby. Rey knew she was wildly biased, but she couldn't help but marvel at how lovely her tiny daughter was. Olive's thick dark hair and long dark lashes framed her round cherubic face, deep inky wells of eyes sparkling with joyful light. At three months, her face was less newborn and more baby, really coming into its own shape now, and it was easier to see how she was equal parts Rey and Ben in her makeup.
Rey leaned over and buried her face in Olive's pudgy little tummy, earning her one of those miraculous little giggles.
She'd never known it was possible to love someone this much. It struck her anew every day. A shock to the system that didn't get old, even three months after meeting her.
She glanced at the time and then back at Olive. "Are you ready to find a pretty dress with Grandma? I have no idea what she has in mind for you, but I'm sure it will be very fashionable."
Olive made a little "goo," sound and grinned big and bright again.
Rey laughed. Olive could roll from front-to-back now when she was on her tummy, but she couldn't go the other way yet, so Rey left her on the bed while she wandered around and got ready, sliding into the body-shaper spandex to help her feel a little more confident when she went dress shopping. It just sort of held everything together and returned her to her former shape. Ben didn't think she needed it, but then, he didn't understand what it was like to be in her skin, reconciling herself to the changes to her body. She brushed out her hair and pinned half of it up on one side, doing her makeup in light but careful touches. She wanted to find the right balance here between looking nice and looking casual. If today involved hanging out with Leia and Mara, and meeting Leia's designer friend, she wanted to present a nice front.
Rose would probably give her the eye, because Rey didn't use to care about these things much before. But then, she didn't run in Leia's high-octane world before either. And she loved her mother-in-law. She had an uncontrollable urge to make Leia proud of her, wherever they went.
She dressed Olive in a little blue dress, sliding a bow onto her head and arranging all that thick hair around it. Wherever they went, they got gasps and comments over the quantity of hair she had. It was a lot. Rey combed it as best she could with the little fine-tooth comb, but mostly it just sort of stuck out wild wherever it wanted.
She made sure to feed Olive one more time before Leia arrived, and then threw a bottle in the diaper bag because she didn't like nursing in public. She didn't like covering up, but she didn't feel confident enough to boldly nurse uncovered despite the sideways glances from scandalized passerby's. She could pump enough to create an adequate supply of refrigerated or frozen milk for babysitting occasions or days out like this.
"Ready, darling?" she asked when Leia pulled up in front of the house.
Olive yawned. She'd been awake for a while this morning already.
Hoisting the carseat and diaper bag, Rey hauled herself outside and to the car. Sometimes having a baby to cart around felt like going on a camping trip. It just felt like a lot of stuff, even if it was just a seat and a bag. And a little collapsable stroller frame the carseat could click into.
Leia helped her into the car and gave her a hug. "You look lovely," she said with undisguised warmth. "Are you excited?"
Rey laughed as she slid into the passenger seat. "I am. But also, it feels kind of funny, doesn't it? I mean, we've already done this before."
"Your last dress was very sweet and appropriate," Leia agreed. "But now you get to wear a gown, and feel like a queen."
That was probably a fairytale most little girls dreamed of. Rey mostly dreamed of having enough food to eat and someone to hug her and keep her safe.
"That will be nice," she said. Anyway, it would be a chance to re-commit herself to Ben, especially after everything they'd been through since the first time. And she was looking forward to their trip afterwards. They were going to a resort in the Maldives. Ben had shown her the pictures of one of those exotic-looking places with the bungalows out in the middle of clear teal water, private swimming right off the balcony. The kind of thing she'd seen go around the internet in pictures of dream vacations, but never something she ever thought she'd get to do herself. Ben's most recent goal in life was to convince her to get scuba certified so they could dive some of the reefs around their resort. She wasn't fully convinced of it yet.
They got to the little cafe just about the same time as Rose. She was bubbly with excitement.
"This place is so cute," she gushed, looking around at the homey atmosphere. The cafe was appropriately small and quiet, smelling of roasted coffee and fresh bread. The walls were exposed brick, and the decor was mostly green plants.
"They have the most wonderful paninis here," Leia said happily. "I thought it would be appropriate."
Rose definitely approved. "I'm so excited about all this. I'm excited I get to be part of it."
Rey laughed. "I'm sorry you didn't the first time around."
Rose waved her off, like it didn't really matter, and leaned down to peek at the sleeping baby. "Hi Livvy," she whispered.
Mara arrived a minute later, and the four (or five) or them found a little booth in a quiet corner. Their conversation was light and cheerful, largely centered around plans for the wedding. Leia and Rose almost seemed to forget entirely that Ben and Rey were already married, which suited Rey just fine, and helped deflect any suspicion from the oblivious Mara.
They had a really nice time. Rey enjoyed the familial vibe of it all, the warmth shared between them. At one point the wedding talk derailed and they launched into a dissection of the feminine representation in one of the recent superhero franchise film installments. They were a like-minded group, sharing grievances about the heroine's arc and lamenting the world of male writers trying to tell women what to love. It was fun, and funny, and Rey was overwhelmed with gratitude that she had all three of them in her life.
A year ago, she had her friends, and she had Ben. But today she had a mother, and an aunt, and a friend who had been there for her during these recent emotionally charged months and so felt more like a sister. She had a husband and a daughter and a life that genuinely included the word family.
Her elevated mood sustained her all the way to the little shop where Leia's friend, a designer by the name of Ahsoka. She was older than Leia by at least a decade, maybe more, and greeted her with all the affection of an old family friend. She had long white-blond hair streaked with blue, warm brown skin, and brilliant blue eyes. Rey had no idea what ethnicity she was, couldn't even begin to guess, but she was beautiful.
"Rey, it's lovely to meet you," said the designer. "I've heard so much about you. I'm so happy little Benny found someone who the family loves so much."
Rey's face warmed. "I'm happy to have found them too."
"And this must be the little princess," she said, peeking down at Olive, still soundly snoozing in her car seat, now mounted on the stroller. She gasped. "What a beautiful baby. Congratulations. You must be so proud, Leia."
"We are," Leia said, beaming. She loved showing off her granddaughter.
"You know," Ahsoka said thoughtfully, "I can see your mother in her. She reminds me of Padme."
Mara stirred with interest. "I'm glad you said that because I've thought so too. Of course, I never knew Padme, but from the pictures I've seen, the two of them share a lot of similarities."
Ahsoka's smile gentled. "I did know her. And you're right, Mara."
After Leia introduced Rose, Ahsoka took them to the back of her shop to take a look at the dresses she already had stock. She told them she could change any of them to suit Rey's preferences, however she wanted it. Rey didn't really know what she wanted, so she let her companions pick out the pieces they thought suited her best while Ahsoka took her measurements.
They squirreled her away into a dressing room where Ahsoka helped her into the first gown.
"So you knew Leia's mother?" Rey said quietly as the old woman deftly did the buttons up the back.
"She was like a big sister to me." Ahsoka sounded wistful. "It was such a blow when she died. So young. She never got to see her children grow up, or meet her grandson. It's wonderful to see a bit of her in your daughter. Like she's still here, a piece of her still showing up in the family genes."
"What was she like?" Rey asked.
"A wonder." Ashoka fussed with the sheer sleeves, tying them in close around Rey's wrists. "She was stubborn and fierce. Her force of will was unstoppable. Whatever she wanted to do, she'd move heaven and earth to make it happen."
"Sounds like Leia," Rey observed.
Ahsoka laughed. "Leia is so much like her mother."
They finished with the dress, and stepped back out into the shop so they could get a good look in the big mirror there. Mara, Leia, and Rose all sat around on this plush armchairs Ahsoka had provided. Mara gasped and made noises of approval. Rose giggled. Leia tilted her head to the side and didn't say much.
It was a beautiful dress, but Rey didn't feel like herself at all in it. It was cream-colored, which she liked better than true white, but the sleeves were not her vibe. They were full and flowy, sheer pebbled with polka-dot appliqués. It had a deep plunging V neckline and more appliqués on the bodice.
Ahsoka stepped back and surveyed her. "It isn't you," she assessed. "Am I wrong?"
Rey didn't want to offend. "It's very beautiful."
"But no," Leia agreed. "It isn't her."
"No trouble. The next one, then. And don't worry, love," said Ahsoka, guiding her back to the dressing room. "If we don't find one that suits you, I'll design you your very own."
And thus began a surprisingly lengthy process of trying to find something that felt like it belonged on her. There were a lot of misses, though all admittedly beautiful. One was a strapless beauty, a lacy bodice set over nude fabric, with a wide, dramatic skirt and elegant little white butterflies scattering up from the bottom.
"Suitable for a garden wedding" Ahsoka explains.
"We are having a garden wedding," Leia said. "It is beautiful. Rey, honey, what do you think?"
She had to find artful ways to say that she didn't think it was quite right. Rose was good at reading her cues and saying she didn't like something if she saw the least bit of hesitation on Rey's face.
Rey almost went with a beautiful, classic-style dress that invoked Grace Kelly. It was grgeous and flattering, and when she looked in the mirror, she finally could almost see herself as a bride. But there was just something...just a little twinge of hesitation that made her stare at it a bit too long.
And Olive gave a pitiful little wail.
Mara had been holding her, each of the companions taking a turn after she'd woken up sometime after the second dress. She'd done well, poor little tyke, but she was hungry. Ahsoka helped Rey change out of the dress, and they took a break. She rescued her angry little daughter, gnawing furiously at her own fist, and, feeling unusually comfortable, sat down to nurse her right there. She had the bottles, but she wanted to do it. None of these women seemed like the type to object — and they didn't. They didn't even bat an eye.
With Olive's little mouth firmly attached, she sat back and let her body relax. Even though it was fun — they'd laughed and enjoyed themselves throughout this process — finding a dress was also surprisingly exhausting.
Ahsoka sat down next to her and brushed little Olive's dark hair with her fingers. "Tell me about you, Rey," she said softly. "What is your story?"
Rey glanced down at Olive, dark eyes staring straight at her. They always seemed to demand attention, those eyes. They were hungry for affection and love, ready to give it in turn.
"I was a foster child," she told Ahsoka honestly. "Abandoned as a baby. Raised in a series of bad homes, most of my time spent in one...it wasn't good."
Rose had never heard Rey's secret sad past. Only Ben had. But Rey was finding that her life now made it easier to accept what happened before. Made it easier to talk about. The past was behind her. It was dead. Only now mattered, where she was needed and loved by him, and needed and loved by their baby. Where she had these women around her, a family of support and kinship.
"You were abused," Ahoska assessed.
Rey nodded. "Neglected. Hurt. But I made it out. I met Rose." She glanced up and gave her friend a smile. Rose's eyes were wide and full of sympathy. "And Finn, and Jess. And all my friends. And because of them, I met Ben."
"Tell me about that," Ahsoka urged gently.
She laughed. "We were close from the beginning. But I was afraid what worked as friends wouldn't work in a relationship, so we decided to just mess around without any of the commitment." She glanced at Leia to see if she'd scandalized her mother-in-law.
Leia looked amused, but not scandalized.
"They took ages," Rose said softly.
Rey nodded. "We did. We'd probably still be doing that, pretending we didn't have feelings, if we hadn't accidentally made this one." She tapped Olive's little nose.
Ahsoka laughed. "She thrust you together."
"She did. And I'm glad."
"So am I," said Leia.
Ahsoka sat back and stared at them for a moment, at Rey and Olive. Her blue eyes, deep and tremendously perceptive, seemed to contain within them a whole lifetime of memories, and Rey wondered which ones surfaced for her now. Ahsoka saw much more than the surface of what people presented, of that Rey was completely certain.
After a minute, she got up. She went to the back of her shop, into the space that was her design studio. She came out again a moment later, carrying a long garment bag.
"This is my newest piece," she said quietly after a minute. "I just finished it yesterday. I think it might be yours."
She hung it on a peg and unzipped. Creamy, off-white fabric came into view, catching the light in a soft, gentle glow. Rey's heart leapt to her throat. Rose crooned her approval. Leia and Mara both nodded with slow, surprised smiles.
"When your sweet little daughter is finished, let's find out," Ahsoka urged.
While they waited, Ahsoka showed Rey and Leia the plans she had for Olive. Of course she'd be bigger in three months, but she had some sketches she and her friend had worked up. The dress would be navy with little gold accents, as per the colors Leia had chosen. She gave them fabric samples and they gave their opinions.
"I can't wait to see what we can do with this gorgeous hair by then," Ahsoka laughed, again running her fingers through Olive's downy fuzz.
Rey tucked herself back into her shirt and sat Olive up for a quick burp. "She's going to be the prettiest belle of the ball."
"Maybe not prettier than her mama," Mara said with an affectionate smile.
Leia held the baby as Ahsoka and Rey went back to the dressing room. The dress slid on easily and comfortably. Rey knew immediately that she'd like this one. She felt it, even before she saw it. It hugged her in all the right ways, and flowed in all the right places. And when the pair emerged a moment later, Leia was the first one to well up in enormous tears.
She wasn't the only one, though. Pretty soon all three of them were misty.
"Rey," Rose breathed. "You look incredible."
She turned around and looked in the mirror, and didn't remember how to breathe.
It was a beautiful dress. The bodice flattered her figure, belying the changes it had undergone throughout this last year, granting her old silhouette back. Delicate sheer ivory lace lay over a pale beige underskirt. The sheer lace sleeves were slightly off the shoulder and went to the elbow. There was a small, delicate belt and bow at the waist, flaring into a slim, A-line cut skirt with more damask lace appliques and a small lace train. It looked at once feminine and fierce.
Rey looked at it, and saw herself. Saw her strength in the dramatic whorls of lace and her bronzed, bared shoulders. Saw her love, for her little family and her strong, supportive tribe in the gentle ivory, the softness of the skirts. She felt at home in this dress. And she felt like a bride, in a similar way to how she felt the first time she was one.
"Yeah," she said softly, "this is the one."
Leia passed Olive off to Rose and stood up, joining her friend and her daughter-in-law. She slid an arm around Rey's waist and stood with her in the mirror. "This is why I knew we had to come to Ahsoka. She designed some pieces for my mother. This is just the sort of thing she would love. You look perfect, Rey."
Ahsoka beamed. "I didn't know who I was designing it for, of course, but I imagined someone who could hold her head high and know she could find light because she had been through the darkness."
"Thank you," Rey said, turning to her. She swept the woman into a sudden hug. Ahsoka stiffened, and it occurred to Rey that she didn't even know if this woman liked hugs, but then Ahsoka laughed and patted her back. "Now! I don't think you'll need too many alterations, it already fits you like a glove. But what do you think of the length? Would you like it a little shorter? And what about a veil?"
Rey laughed too, stepping back. "You ask a lot of hard questions."
"A veil isn't necessary," Leia said. "Although Han will lecture me about the history of veils and hiding from evil spirits, so perhaps a very small, simple one would suffice. What do you think?"
They tried on Ahsoka had on hand, and both Mara and Rose supplied their enthusiastic approval.
By the time they left the shop, Rey's heart was full to bursting. She couldn't wait to tell Ben about this strangely perfect days.
"So?" Leia said after they'd said goodbye to Rose and Mara and she drove mother and daughter back to their house. "Do you feel excited to marry him again after seeing how you'll look?"
"Yes," Rey said immediately, unable to stop the smile. "I do."
Leia was pleased. "Poor Ben won't even know what hit him when you walk down that aisle."
Eleven more babies and a lifetime of beautiful chaos, Rey thought. She couldn't wait.