Okay, let's see how this goes. Some ideas, once again, from Owlion12. Are there any other gods/goddesses (who are pretty minor—I'm happy to do some research) you guys want me to do? Also, check out my poll on my profile page. Please answer it and I'll check it in a few days!
CHAPTER 10: HEPHAESTUS SPILLS THE BEANS
Hephaestus was feeling really nervous about his extraction. He'd rather go down to the mortal world to have his teeth pulled out at a mortal dentist office…but Zeus was the king, so what he says goes.
Zeus had set up a dentist office in the corner of the throne room. He usually called this the "time-out" area, in case some gods were being little craps and they needed to chillax. The office was complete with a chair, light, a sterilizing station, and a tool tray. Hephaestus had designed most of the tools. The office also had a waiting room, where the rest of the gods could await their pending doom.
Hephaestus sat on a crooked bench while he waited for his "dentist" to call him back. The office was behind a curtain, so Hephaestus had no idea who was going to do the procedure.
All of a sudden, a woman cleared her throat. He found himself staring in Hera's face.
Hera was wearing a nurse's uniform with butterflies on it…and it made her look awful! "Hephaestus," she said, "Dr. Athena will see you now."
Hera led Hephaestus into the office. Athena was sitting in a chair next to where Hephaestus would be sitting. "Good morning, Hephaestus," Athena said smartly. "Please sit in the chair."
Hephaestus sat in the chair. He regretted eating eight waffles for breakfast, because he felt like he wanted to blow chunks.
"So," said Hera, "since you're ugly as hell, this surgery probably won't affect you too much."
"Uh…" Hephaestus said. "Will I be awake for this?"
Athena nodded. "But we'll give you some Novocain." That being said, she held out her hand and Nurse Hera handed her a giant needle.
Now Hephaestus wasn't scared of much…just the fact that every time he went to the bathroom the toilet blew up. But needles? Forget it!
"Is that thing going in my face or what?" he asked.
"Yes," Athena said. "Hera, please give him some nitrous oxide. He is stressed out."
Hera forced Hephaestus to breathe in the laughing gas. Soon, Hephaestus was higher than the moon. He was numb, because Athena had given him a few shots of Novocain. And Hera just sat there and smirked every time Hephaestus kicked because of the shot going into his face.
About halfway through the procedure, Athena was about to pull out one of Hephaestus' teeth, when Hephaestus pushed her hand away. "Athena," he said, "I feel like this is the right moment for me to tell you something important."
"What would that be?" Athena asked, setting the forceps down.
"I just wanted to tell you that I have a diary, and I remember the first time I ever wrote in it. It was about me confessing my love to you. I love you, Athena. Will you marry me?"
"Gods!" Athena yelled. "No! And just for that, I won't let you rinse until all four of your teeth are out!"
"I like how you treat him," Hera said. "I should listen to you more often."
When Hephaestus had a myriad amount of cotton balls in his face, Athena turned to him. "Here. This is a prescription. Take that to Apollo. He should have your meds ready for you."
Hephaestus made the kissy-face at her.
"OUT!" Hera screamed at him.
Hephaestus walked out of the room, singing: "I like big boobs and I cannot lie…"
Hephaestus headed over to the Olympic Pharmacy, where Apollo would be working until everyone's teeth had been pulled.
"H-hey there, sunshine," Hephaestus told him. "Can I get five burgers with ranch dressing on them?"
"Uh…I sell drugs," Apollo said. "Do you have your prescription, Heph?"
"Yes. Athena said I need some weed."
"Not those kind of drugs."
"Apollo, I gots a song for ya." Hephaestus began to sing. "I like big boobs and I cannot lie. You other gods can't deny…"
"Okay, shut up," said Apollo. "Here's your medicine, Heph. I know who you are, so it doesn't matter if I ask who it is."
Hephaestus stumbled into the throne room and held the bottle up to Athena, who was filling out some paperwork for wisdom reasons (she wasn't playing dentist anymore).
"Why, Hephaestus," she said. "You look awful."
"Here's your weed, Athena!" Hephaestus yelled, running away and taking the pills with him.
Athena shrugged and went back to her work.
Okay, I must explain something here. I have had 11 teeth pulled, and I was awake for all of them! The first couple of times, they gave me Novocain and laughing gas, and the nitrous didn't kick in until AFTER I left the office, so I was high and numb on the way home. My dad was telling me this a few weeks ago…and I was pretty embarrassed by it, too!