Owlion12, thanks for all your help…again!

CHAPTER 11: ARES BEATS HIS DOCTORS UP

Ares was a badass, and that's pretty much all he was. Oh, and he was a coward, which doesn't really look good for him.

Ares' appointment was the week after Hephaestus' and he wasn't too happy about it. Hera and Zeus forced him to go next, because they knew what kind of stuff he would do afterwards…and they wanted to get it over with ASAP.

The night before the procedure, Ares was playing God of War, when his kids walked in.

"Dad?" Phobos said.

"What?" Ares snapped.

"When you're high tomorrow, can we go out to eat?"

"No!"

"Okay." Phobos and Deimos left the room and Ares kept playing God of War.

The following morning, bright and early, Ares headed to the throne room. He only had to wait thirty seconds before Asclepius appeared in front of him. "Hello, Ares."

"Hey, you sucky god of medicine."

Asclepius glared at him. "Dr. Apollo's ready for you."

Once Ares was seated in the chair with the napkin around him, Apollo turned on the light and looked down at him. "So," he said, "because I am the god of sexy awesomeness, Zeus told me to do the extraction today. Is there anything you want me to know before we do anything, Ares?"

"Yeah. I'm tough and cool, so that means I want no drugs or pain killers whatsoever, dammit!" Ares yelled.

Apollo and Asclepius looked at each other.

"Ares," Apollo said, "I want to let you know that this'll be extremely painful without Novocain."

"And you will remember everything we do to you," Asclepius said sternly.

"Whatever!" Ares yelled. "I am the god of freaking war! I need nothing! You will do this PAIN-KILLER-FREE!"

"Dude, chill," said Apollo. "We won't give you anything."

"Good, punk."

So Apollo began working. He handed the needles back to Asclepius, who stored them away in a nearby drawer. Apollo picked up some forceps and looked down at Ares. "Open up."

Ares opened his mouth wide and Apollo began to pull out one of his wisdom teeth. Ares didn't make a sound, but he kicked a few times. Apollo finally stopped after he'd extracted two teeth.

"Uh…Ares?" Apollo asked. "Are you…crying?"

"YES!" Ares yelled. "IT'S SO PAINFUL!"

"Yeah, that's the beauty of modern medicine, stupid," Asclepius snapped. "We can make any procedure painless. I remember when I had to give Zeus a colonoscopy, and he was out for the whole thing. He doesn't even remember going home."

"Ares…" Apollo said, "…what are you—"

Ares sat up immediately, pushed the light out of the way, and grabbed both gods by the neck. "We're gonna play a little game called Who Fades First. I will beat your heads together, and you two fall unconscious. If I'm lucky enough, you'll fade." So Ares pushed the gods' heads together and they passed out.

Ares rinsed several times, wiped his nose on Apollo's lab coat, and ran back to his palace, screaming like a little girl. When he got home, he sat on his butt and played God of War.

"Dad?" Phobos and Deimos said in unison, walking into the living room.

"Yes?" Ares asked thickly.

"Dad? I thought you wouldn't be home for another hour," said Phobos.

"Well, I got a little scared, so I left."

"Dad!" Deimos shrieked. "Dad, you can't just run out of a dentist appointment!"

"I just did. So there!" Ares said the F word eighty-nine times before finishing the game. "Boys, I want you to make me another dentist appointment so I get my other two teeth pulled."

ONE WEEK LATER…

Ares sat in the chair, staring up at Apollo and Asclepius.

"All right, I'm going to ask this one last time," Apollo said warily. "Are you positive you don't want anything?"

"Yeah, punk," Ares snapped.

"Okay. But you can't leave this time," Apollo said, turning the light on. "And just so we're sure you DON'T, Hephaestus made these magical belts. They'll keep you still you don't move on us. And you can't escape, either."

Ares flinched as Asclepius snapped his fingers. Thick, black cords wrapped around Ares, holding him to the chair.

I'd like to say that Ares didn't scream, cry, or kick, but he did all that stuff. He yelled, "MOMMY!" fifty-seven times. He yelled: "DADDY!" forty-two times. And he yelled: "OW!" nine times. I know these stats because Asclepius wrote everything Ares said down.

Finally, Apollo was finished. He told Ares to take it easy for a few days, gave him a prescription, and sent him on his way.

That night, Ares the coward was at Zeus and Hera's palace for dinner.

"How was your surgery, son?" Zeus asked. The King and Queen of Olympus knew Ares had to do the procedure in two visits, not one. Neither of them were surprised, because Ares has always done that.

"It was horrible," Ares moaned.

"We heard you yelling all the way from the throne room," Hera said. She turned to Zeus. "Remember his first dentist visit, dear?"

"Don't remind me," said Zeus. "Ares, when you were a little god—even back then you were a jerk to everyone—we took you to the dentist for your first cleaning. Guess what you did?"

"What?" Ares snapped.

"You took that suction thing and stuck it up your nose," Hera snarled, "swallowed a few cotton balls, and broke the bulb in the light. They kicked us out…and we punished you."

"What did I have to do?" Ares asked her.

"You had to run around Olympus naked for a month," Zeus smirked. "And what a month it was."

Ares was pissed…he didn't like it when his parents made him run around Olympus naked…and that happened a lot.