My cousin helped me with this chapter…only 'cause I made her!

CHAPTER 18: APOLLO MAKES STUFF UP

"Seriously, dude! Why can't you pull my wisdom teeth?"

"Dad, just go to the dentist down the street. He'll take care of you," Asclepius said.

Apollo hung up on his own kid. He was mad because Asclepius wouldn't yank his teeth out. Now he had to go to a mortal dentist to have everything done.

Apollo said he wanted to be awake so he could see what the dentist was doing, but the dentist had other thoughts. He said that he'd put Apollo to sleep because then Apollo wouldn't remember anything.

So there sat Apollo, all alone in the waiting room of Dr. Keller's office. Well, actually, he wasn't alone. Leto was with him, and she was calmly sitting next to him, reading a book about parenting (not that Leto was a sucky parent or anything).

"Apollo!" a nurse called. "You're up!"

Leto looked at him. "Sweetie, do you want me to come back with you?"

"Nah, that's cool." Apollo hugged her goodbye and headed to an exam room with the nurse.

As soon as Apollo saw the room, he recited a haiku:

Oh my gods I'm screwed.

I'm sitting in this red chair.

I am gonna die.

"Uh…Apollo," the nurse said, "are you okay?"

"Yeah, dear. I'm just reciting a poem."

"Well, how about you sit in the chair and you can get all prepped for surgery."

Apollo reluctantly sat in the chair and looked at the instruments of torture. While the nurse wasn't looking, he touched one of them.

"Are you touching the dental tools?" the dentist asked, coming into the room.

"Uh…" Apollo put down a pair of forceps. "No?"

"So," the dentist said, looking at Apollo's chart, "your wisdom teeth are coming in, we'll put you to sleep, and you'll wake up drunk." He threw the chart aside and picked up a mask. "Breathe deeply."

Leto, who was still in the waiting room, heard a loud squeal about an hour later. Then she saw the nurse and the dentist run out of the room, followed by Apollo.

Oh, balls, Leto moaned. I guess I should go after him.

Apollo ran into another exam room where a dental hygienist was teaching a three-year-old how to floss properly. Apollo took the light and shined it in his face like a spotlight. "Hey, America!" he yelled. "My name is Mr. Sunshine! Here, listen to this:

I am Apollo.

I just had some surgery.

I am really high!"

Apollo ran into the next room where an old guy was getting a filling. Apollo looked at the dentist.

"Go burn in Hades,

You good-for-nothing jackass.

I hope you get fired."

Apollo ran into the farthest exam room where a woman was getting a root canal. Apollo turned the light towards him again.

"I am Apollo,

And I shine and glow!"

Apollo finally ran to the bathroom…when there was a dude in it taking a dump.

"Really, man?" the dude said. "I'm taking a crap right here!"

"Apollo just had surgery

And now he has to go pee.

There is one issue,

You are taking a poo

And you don't look happy with me."

"You're damn right I'm not happy with you!" the guy yelled.

Leto ran into her son as he was heading to the waiting room. "Apollo, where did you go?" she snarled.

"Hi, Mommy," Apollo giggled. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Leto said. "Let's go get your medicine."

They headed to Leto's palace, where Leto handed Apollo a glass of water and a pill. "Take your medicine, honey," Leto said.

"No." Apollo folded his arms.

"There once was a god named Apollo.

His pills he didn't want to swallow.

He was really, really high,

Higher than the sky,

Oh, there once was a god named Apollo."

"Please?" Leto begged. "You don't want to feel sick, do you?"

Apollo shook his head, spat the gauze out, and took his medicine like a big boy. Then he looked at Leto. "Mommy? Can you help me make haikus?"

"No," Leto said, and ran off to make dinner.