Okay, confession: this is sort of like what I had to go through back when I was eight. I had to get four teeth pulled, so if this seems little-kiddish, it's just how it was back then.
Credit goes to Owlion12 for the Hebe idea.
CHAPTER 22: HEBE SCREAMS LIKE A LITTLE GIRL
Hebe was playing house with her little sister Elytheia (the goddess of childbirth). Hebe was the mommy and Elytheia was the baby.
"Eli!" yelled Hebe. "You're not supposed to yell big childbirth words when you're a baby!"
Elytheia checked her phone. "Oh, I gotta go! Some chick on earth is giving birth and it's gonna be bloody and gory! Want to come?"
"Ew!" Hebe squealed. "Yucky!"
"I guess I'll do it by myself then." And Elytheia vanished.
Hebe ran downstairs, where Hera was making dinner and Zeus was drinking and watching a hockey game.
"Mommy," Hebe said, pulling on Hera's white skirt. "Can you play house with me?"
"Honey, Mommy's making dinner," Hera cooed. "Go see if Daddy wants to play."
Hebe ran to Zeus. "Daddy?"
"Huh?" Zeus said.
"Daddy, can you play house with me?"
"Kinda busy right now," Zeus said. Then he caught Hera's eye. "But this hockey game sucks, so of course I'll play with you!" Damn you, Hera! he thought.
Hebe and Zeus sat on the floor and Hebe took out her doll that she had dressed so nicely (it was in a pair of pink, frilly underwear). "Okay. I'm the mommy and you're the daddy."
"Okay," said Zeus. He picked up the doll. "GO TO YOUR ROOM OR I'LL BEAT YOU!"
"ZEUS!" Hera screamed. "You're a bad father."
"I know. I need more booze."
On Zeus' way downstairs to the bar to get more booze, Hera caught him. "You will play house with Hebe, and you will enjoy it."
"Gods," Zeus cursed. "Okay." He headed back to the room. "Daddy's back from his AA meeting."
"What's that mean?" Hebe asked.
"Uh…nothing," said Zeus quickly, catching his wife's eye again. "Can we play a different game?"
"We could play hospital," said Hebe.
"If it keeps me from being another dad, then sure." Zeus lied down on the couch.
"Is this the waiting room?" asked Hebe.
"Yes."
Hebe went to her room, put on a colorful lab coat, and headed downstairs. "Hi, Mr. Skies. I'm Dr. Hebe. What seems to be the problem today?"
"Uh…" Zeus thought about it. "I have the sniffles."
"Well," said Hebe, putting on a red stethoscope, "I'm going to use my steffoscope to listen to your chest."
"Dinner!" Hera called.
"Sweet Mother Gaea in a sexy, green dress," said Zeus, sitting up.
Hera put a plate of turkey and mashed potatoes in front of Hebe. Then she placed a piece of lettuce in front of Zeus.
Zeus looked at her. "A mere piece of lettuce for the king?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," Hera snapped at him. "Does wittle Zeusy want more?"
"Yeah," said Zeus.
"Well, you know where the food is."
Hebe was almost finished with her dinner. "Mommy?"
"Yeah, honey?"
"What are we doing tomorrow?"
"We're going to get your wisdom teeth out," Hera said.
"But then I'll be stupid," Hebe said sadly.
"No, honey," said Zeus. "Now go upstairs and get ready for bedtime."
THE FOLLOWING MORNING…
The following morning, Hera and Hebe played house, hospital, and school until it was lunchtime. Hera only gave Hebe a sandwich, because she wasn't sure how the drugs would affect her.
Hebe was playing school with Elytheia, when Hera walked into the room. "Hebe, sweetheart. Time to go or we'll miss your appointment."
"Okay, Mommy!" Hebe kissed Elytheia. "Bye, Eli!"
"Bye, Hebe," Elytheia said. "Mom, I have to go deliver a set of octuplets, so I'll be a little late tonight."
"Oh, goodness," Hera said. "Have fun!"
Hera and Hebe walked over to the dentist's office together, Hera leading Hebe by the hand. Both goddesses sat on the bench and Hera took out The Very Hungry Caterpillar.
"Hi, girls."
Leto, the Titaness of motherhood, was standing before them, which didn't make Hera too happy. Leto sat on the bench next to Hera while Hebe continued to read the book (look at the pictures) on the floor.
"Rhea needs to know if you want to use laughing gas and Novocain on Hebe or just Novocain."
"Uh…" Hera glanced at her daughter. "Both."
"Okay. Well, Miss Hebe, we're ready for you, honey!"
Leto led the goddesses back into the exam room, where Rhea was calmly doing Facebook on her laptop. Rhea had just posted a picture of her and her six kids. Suddenly, Kronos liked it. Rhea slammed her laptop shut and looked at the girls. "Hi, girls," she said cheerfully. "Are you ready, Hebe?"
"Yep," Hebe said excitedly.
"Excellent!" Rhea said.
Leto put a napkin on Hebe's shirt and gave her some sunglasses to wear. "Those are for looking cool during the extraction," she explained as Hebe put them on.
Rhea kicked the chair back and turned on the light. "Okay, honey," she cooed to Hebe, "we're going to give you some medicine so you won't feel anything." And she put out her hand to Leto, who gave her the topical.
As soon as Hebe tasted the awful mint-flavored stuff, she started crying and screaming.
"Hebe, it's okay," Leto said soothingly. "We're just going to—"
"MOMMY!" Hebe howled.
"You're okay," said Hera, squeezing Hebe's hand. "Mommy's right here. Nothing's going to hurt you."
Rhea gave Hera a look. Then she mouthed Novocain, and Hera knew they were all in for a long appointment.
Leto put a mask over Hebe's face and she breathed in the air.
Rhea only grabbed two needles and gave the other two to Leto. "To make this go faster, Leto," she said, "how about we do them at the same time? I'll do two, and you do two."
"Sounds like a plan," Leto said over Hebe's screams and sobs.
"Hebe," Rhea said in her motherly voice, "we need to give you some medicine, but you'll just feel a few pinches."
Hera had taken Hebe to mortal dentists before, and Hebe had had a few cavities filled. The dentists would always tell her she'd feel a little pinch, and then she'd be okay.
Hera squeezed Hebe's hand. Before Hebe knew it, the goddesses had set down the needles and began to talk to her in calming voices.
"What's your favorite princess?" asked Rhea.
"My favorite princess is Snow White," Hebe giggled. "She's hot."
"I thought Cinderella was your favorite," Leto said.
"No. She sucks," Hebe replied.
Rhea picked up the pair of forceps, but she was still talking to Hebe. "I thought you liked Sleeping Beauty, too."
"Are you kidding me?" Hera butted in. "That's just a spinoff of Snow White!"
"Hera, let's use our indoor voices, please," Rhea said calmly but firmly.
The rest of the extraction went rather well. Hebe only screamed a few more times. Leto finally gave Hebe some water and Hebe spat it out in the sink next to the chair.
"Until she can eat again, don't give her anything to eat or drink," said Rhea firmly, handing Hera a prescription. "This is liquid, and it'll taste like bubblegum. Come back in a week so we can take the stitches out."
Hera led Hebe out of the office and over to the pharmacy.
They arrived home a few minutes later. Zeus, as usual, was drinking beer and watching a hockey game on TV.
"Zeus, would you mind moving your kingly ass so Hebe can lie down on the couch?" Hera said in a sickly-sweet voice.
"She's got a bed," Zeus said.
"NOW!" Hera yelled.
"Fine. I'm watching TV in our room then." And Zeus ran upstairs.
While Hebe rested on the couch, Hera read her The Very Hungry Caterpillar, The Very Grouchy Ladybug, and a book of nursery rhymes. By the end of the nursery rhymes, Hebe was asleep, so Hera put on "SpongeBob" for her and left to make dinner.
Did you guys like Hebe and how young she is?