I own nothing. I hope this'll be a funny chapter! It's not necessarily someone getting their teeth out, but it's a Hades and Demeter chapter, so it should be pretty funny. ENJOY!

CHAPTER 24: HADES RETURNS

Before Hades got his teeth ripped out of his face, Demeter examined him and told him that he needed to come back for a cleaning. So the night before his cleaning, Hades was snuggling in bed with Persephone when a thought occurred to him. He was feeling nervous.

"Honey," Persephone said, "if you're a good patient tomorrow, I'll buy you some ice cream. How's that?"

"I don't think Demeter would like that," Hades ranted. "There's no cereal in it."

"Well," Persephone smirked, "it'll be our little secret."

"Yeah, yeah."

The next morning, Hades woke up and ate a bowl of Frosted Flakes for breakfast. Persephone said she had to go flower shopping, which was weird because she could make the freaking things appear whenever she wanted.

Hades went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Then—even though he had no idea how to do it—he decided to try flossing.

Hades ripped a five-foot-long piece of floss from the container and twirled it around his finger. "Uh…" he said to himself, "…how does anyone do this?" He threw the floss away and put the container back into Persephone's drawer. "Stupid mortals and their obsession with teeth nowadays!" He yelled, stamping his foot. "Well, at least I brushed." And he skipped off to Olympus like the loser he was.

When Hades got to Olympus, he sat in the waiting room, dreading what Demeter would do to him in the chair. He ran through the "health questions" she'd asked him last time: Did you eat your cereal? Yes, he did. Did you brush this morning? He did that, too. Did you floss? He attempted to, but epically failed.

"Lord Hades," a quiet voice said.

He looked up. Hestia was standing before him, smiling peacefully.

"Hestia," Hades said. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks for asking. You?"

"Eh, my life sucks and I might be shooting Demeter in the face after this appointment's over. But other than that, I'm fine, too."

"That's good."

"Hestia?"

"Yes, Lord Hades?"

"Uh…I've never had a cleaning before. Does it hurt?"

Hestia thought about it. "No. Not really. Hephaestus finally made some good-tasting toothpaste, so you'll get to choose which flavor you'd like." She turned to her brother. "Would you like me to go in with you, Lord Hades?"

"Nah, that's okay. I'm sure I'll live."

"You'll do great—oh! Hello, Lady Demeter!"

Hades almost wet himself because Demeter was standing before him in an ugly shirt with butterflies on it. "Hades," she said, "excellent! I see you're here for your cleaning."

"Uh…actually," Hades said, "I was just leaving. Farewell!"

As he was speed-walking away, Demeter caught him around the wrist. "Not so fast, Hades," she snapped. "Come with me."

Demeter led him into the office and forced Hades into the chair. She put a napkin around his neck. "So," she said, taking out a piece of paper and a pen, "as you know, I must ask you some questions before we begin."

"Fine," Hades muttered.

"First question: Did you eat your cereal this morning?"

"Yes."

"Good boy, Hades! I'm so proud of you! Second question: On a scale of one to ten—with ten being that you love it—how much do you like oatmeal?"

"Negative eighty-five," Hades replied.

"I don't like it either," Demeter said. "Cereal's much better! Next: Why did you take my daughter? And answer honestly."

Hades actually had to think about it. "Well, because she's really freaking hot and I wanted to have some quality time with her, if you know what I mean," he smirked at Demeter.

Demeter nodded and looked up. "Well, Triptolemus isn't here yet, so we'll take some x-rays and then he should be here."

"What is it with you and Triptolemus?!" Hades asked. "I hate him!"

"Why do you hate him?" Demeter snapped.

"Yeah, why do you hate me?"

Triptolemus entered the office, wearing a white lab coat. His curly, black hair was combed back all nice, like he was trying to impress Demeter or something. He was carrying a bunch of tools on a tray, and he placed them on the platform above the middle of the chair. Then he rounded on Hades. "Why do you hate me?"

"Because I just do," Hades said. "Do I need a reason?"

"Yes," Trip said.

Hades took a big breath. "You're weird, you smell like fertilizer all the time, you like Demeter—so I obviously hate you for that reason—you look like you don't eat—even though you're in the farming branch of agriculture—every time you look at a field you squeal like Aphrodite, you're actually happy with your farming job, you turned Nico into a corn plant, and…the number one reason I hate you…your favorite color is pink!"

Trip and Demeter looked at each other.

"Wow," Trip said sarcastically, "that hurt."

"Good. I'll make another list of why I hate Demeter later."

"Do you hate me?"

Persephone, dressed in a pink dress with daisies on it, walked into the room.

"Only when you're having your woman thing," Hades replied, folding his arms, making the napkin crinkle. "And I thought you were flower shopping."

"I'm actually going to polish your teeth today," Persephone said. "I lied and said I was going shopping so I wouldn't scare you."

"Uh-huh," Hades said.

Demeter looked at Triptolemus. "Trippy, go ahead and torture him. He deserves all of this for taking my wittle Sephie."

Trip nodded. "With pleasure, Demeter." And he put the chair back.

Once Trip was done looking at Hades' teeth, he turned to Demeter. "Dem, can you record stuff?"

"Of course, Trippy."

"First off, when you say that, it sounds like I'm high, which I'm not," Trip said. "Second, Hades has ten cavities and gingivitis. We'll have to operate immediately."

"NO!" yelled Hades.

"I'll polish his teeth first," said Persephone, "then you may operate." She sat in Trip's spot and looked at Hades. "All right, honey. What flavor of toothpaste would you like today?"

"Do you have any depressing flavors?" Hades asked her.

She shook her head. "I've got bubblegum, cherry, mint-chocolate, chocolate, mint, and orange."

"Surprise me."

Persephone chose mint-chocolate and began to polish Hades' teeth. Once she was done, Demeter took over.

"We're going to learn how to floss today," Demeter said, and she flossed Hades' teeth. "Now, Trippy, you may operate!"

Triptolemus held his hand out and Demeter gave him the topical.

"WAIT!" yelled Hades. "What disgusting flavor is it this time?"

"We're going to play a little guessing game. I'll give you the topical, and you tell me what flavor it is," Trip said. He gave Hades the topical.

"Um…" Hades said as he tasted it. "I think it's…sorghum flavored."

"Close," Trip smirked. "It's barley flavored."

"UGH!" Hades gagged. "Who made this?"

"I did, duh!" Demeter yelled at him.

Trip gave Hades the Novocain and filled his cavities.

"Well," Hades slobbered, "thank you for the lovely torture. I'm off to Hell to grab some beer."

"You can't eat or drink anything because you had the fluoride treatment!" Persephone yelled.

"And you're numb," Trip chided.

"I hate you all and I think you all did this to piss me off!" Hades yelled. Halfway out of the office, he grabbed Persephone. "I actually like you. You're nice." And he and Persephone left the office and went back to the Underworld.

Ah…there's a pretty-ful sunset outside right now.