Sorry for not updating in, like, five days days or whatever. I own nothing!
CHAPTER 26: TRITON VISITS BIKINI BOTTOM
Once upon a time, Triton was watching a good show called "SpongeBob" when Poseidon burst into his bedroom.
"Dad," said Triton warily, "there's this new thing. It's called knocking. You must not have heard of it."
"I've heard of it, but this is important, my least favorite son."
"You suck."
Poseidon grinned. "Yes, I know. Listen, you're going to the Olympian Dentist Office tomorrow morning to get your teeth pulled."
"Whatever." Triton went back to watching TV.
"This doesn't bother you?" Poseidon asked.
"Nope."
"Triton? Why are you so mean to your old man?"
"Because you're a bad father," Triton said. "You don't love me!"
"C'mon," Poseidon said warily, "I got you a TV for Christmas."
"Yeah. It was fifty-five years old, had rats in it, and all I could see is black-and-white."
"Maybe you're colorblind."
"I AM NOT FREAKING COLORBLIND!"
"Chillax, dude," Poseidon said.
The smoke alarm went off. Yeah, you read that right; the smoke alarm went off in the underwater palace of Poseidon.
"Dinner's ready," Poseidon said. "Amphitrite! The fish sticks are burning again!"
"Why do we eat our own kind?" asked Triton.
"Because we're terrible gods," said Poseidon.
Triton had finished his homework already, so he was planning on watching more TV after dinner. Unfortunately, Amphitrite was bombarding him with questions about fish school.
"What did you do all day?" she asked her son.
"I made out with the teacher," Triton said in a monotone.
"Poseidon, how is this funny?" Amphitrite snarled.
"He's taking on after me," Poseidon said. "Triton, for once in my life, I'm proud of you."
"What time are we doing it?" Amphitrite asked.
"What?!" Poseidon yelped.
"The appointment tomorrow!"
"Oh. I thought you meant sex, and I was going to tell you that you're deeply unattractive." Poseidon looked at Triton. "Triton, go to your room."
Triton ran up to his room while Mommy and Daddy yelled at each other in Greek, Latin, Russian, and Chinese. Triton was pretty sure that Amphitrite didn't know Chinese, so how she came back with a Russian name for Poseidon is still a mystery to him.
The following morning, Triton awoke to the underwater birds singing a happy song. Oh, he hated when the underwater birds sang happy songs!
Triton got ready and headed downstairs. Poseidon was sitting at the table, drinking kelp coffee. "Good morning, my least favorite son," he smiled. "Are you ready?"
"To kill myself? Yep."
"No, Triton. Suicide is wrong." Poseidon shook his head. "I meant the freaking extraction!"
"Oh. Yeah."
"Good. Let's go up to Olympus!"
When they'd arrive in the throne room, Poseidon told Triton to sit down and shut up. Triton read a few sentences in a magazine while Poseidon got the office ready.
"Triton, your turn," said Amphitrite, coming out of the office.
Triton followed his mother into the exam room, where Poseidon was sitting.
Poseidon was sipping a drink of some kind with a paper umbrella sticking out where the straw was. Triton thought he looked weird.
"Good day, son," Poseidon said jovially. "I am Dr. Poseidon. What seems to be the problem today?"
"Did you and Mom get romantic last night?" Triton snapped.
Poseidon nodded. "Yes. We did." And that was the end of that conversation. Then the two gods prepared Triton for surgery.
Poseidon grabbed the Novocain right away and looked at his son. "Yeah, we ran out of topical stuff, unless you want wheat or barley flavored."
"Just kill me now," Triton begged. "Please."
Poseidon gave Triton the drugs and the laughing gas. Then they had to wait a few minutes for the drugs to kick in. Finally, Poseidon grabbed the forceps. "I hope this is very painful because I don't really like you that much."
"POSEIDON!" Amphitrite yelled. "YOU'RE A BAD FATHER!"
"I can't believe you just figured that out!" Poseidon yelled back. "It took Zeus five seconds to realize he was a bad father…and still is!"
"Check to see if he's numb," said Amphitrite, gesturing to Triton.
"Ugh. Fine." Poseidon took a sharp tool and touched Triton's wisdom teeth with it. "Does that hurt, because I hope it does."
"No," Triton drooled.
"Good. Now hold still, or this'll be more painful than I'm intending."
Poseidon took the pair of forceps from the tool tray and grabbed one of Triton's wisdom teeth. He gave it a good tug and it came out…with lots of ichor flowing down Triton's chin.
"SUCTION!" Poseidon yelled.
Once everything was done, Poseidon ripped the napkin off Triton's chest. "Son, are you feeling all right?"
"Yes, dude," Triton said. "Bye, my loving parents! I'm going off to Bikini Bottom!" And he ran out of the office.
Poseidon stared at Amphitrite. "Don't I have to do you tomorrow?"
"Honey, if you're talking about the appointment, then yes. Secondly, dear, you need to get better at wording your sentences."
Meanwhile, Triton jumped into the sea and headed down to Poseidon's palace. He got on his father's throne and yelled out: "Hey, everyone! Welcome to Bikini Bottom! I am King Neptune! But wait—AHH! Someone has stolen my crown!"
"There he is!"
Amphitrite and Poseidon ran into the room.
"Triton," said Poseidon, "that's my seat. You don't have one because you suck."
"Where's SpongeBob? He's gonna go get my royal crown for me."
Poseidon and Amphitrite looked at each other. "Quick!" Amphitrite yelled at Poseidon. "Tell him to take his pills!"
Poseidon walked up to Triton and held out a pill for him to take. "Triton, take your medicine!"
Once Triton swallowed the pill, he stared at his parents. He was just starting to come off the laughing gas. "Wow…" he said slowly. "My face hurts."
"Yeah, you had your teeth pulled," said Poseidon.
But this didn't bother Triton too much. "I'm going to watch some TV." And he disappeared into his room to watch even more "SpongeBob".
Hey, guys! I'll be on vacation next week, so I'll try to get another couple of chapters up before Monday. If you have any ideas for what you'd like to see our favorite heroes (the Seven) doing, just PM me or leave it in a review! Again, so sorry for the wait.