Credit goes to Owlion12 for the Amphitrite idea…and pretty much all of my other ideas! I own nothing, and sorry for the long wait. My vacation was a blast and I'm still a bit tired!
CHAPTER 27: AMPHITRITE FILES FOR DIVORCE
It was the week after Triton's surgery when Amphitrite started having teeth troubles, too. She went to Olympus to see if anyone could check her out. Unfortunately, no one was there.
Crap, Amphitrite thought angrily. My mouth is freaking killing me.
She went back under the sea to ask Poseidon if he would be willing to do the surgery for her. Then she remembered that he was doing it anyway.
It was the morning of her surgery when Amphitrite awoke to stabbing pains in her jaw. It took all of her nymph willpower not to cry and scream in pain.
"Babe?" asked Poseidon. "You okay? Did you eat some bad kelp salad for dinner last night?"
"No," Amphitrite groaned, "my teeth hurt, Poseidon."
"Well, good thing I'm doing you after breakfast." Poseidon sneered at her. "Well, I actually intended that to sound wrong. I'm going to wake up my terrible kid." Soon, Amphitrite heard him banging on Triton's door. "TRITON! Get your ass up! It is time to do surgery on your mother!"
At breakfast, Triton and Poseidon were having a conversation.
"Dad? How come you don't wear a crown if you're a king?"
"Because I said so," said Poseidon.
"That makes no sense," said Triton.
"Hey," Poseidon snapped, "do you want me to send you to shark school? Because I will if I have to!"
"Well," Amphitrite said, clutching her face, "I'll see you two on Olympus. Don't be late."
"We're the surgeons," Triton told her. "We can be as late as we want."
"Yeah, son," said Poseidon. "Have you ever noticed how late mortal doctors are with stuff? They're never on time."
Amphitrite shrugged and left the palace.
She arrived on Olympus shortly after and went to sit in the waiting area. She talked to Hestia for a while, because Hestia just so happened to be there.
Poseidon and Triton arrived shortly after that. Both of them were wearing blue scrubs and their masks were already on.
"I know that," Poseidon said to Triton, "it totally sucks being the middle child. I was always forgotten by my brothers. They never invited me to play kickball with them."
"Dad, kickball wasn't invented yet."
"Oh." Poseidon looked at his wife. "Uh, you can come back now, darling."
"Bye, Lady Hestia," said Amphitrite.
Hestia waved back to her and Amphitrite followed the gods into the office.
"Triton, go ask Hephaestus if he made some new topical," Poseidon ordered.
Triton ran to Hephaestus' palace, where Hephaestus was reading a book on fireworks. "Hephaestus, I need some help with something."
"What's that, kid?" asked Hephaestus.
"Uh…my dad wants to know if you made some new topical yet."
"Sorry, boy. Not my specialty. But I'm sure Demeter will have some."
Triton returned to the office ten minutes later with some strawberry-flavored topical.
Poseidon looked at his son. "You do realize Hephaestus lives, like, right across the street, right?"
"Yeah, Dad. He said he's not authorized to make it. So I had to go to Aunt Demeter's."
Triton put a napkin around his mother's neck and handed Poseidon the swabs of topical.
"All right, Amphitrite!" Poseidon said as he held the swabs over Amphitrite's face. "Open wide!"
Poseidon gave Amphitrite the topical and the laughing gas. Then he had to give her the Novocain…which hurt because Poseidon said she was deeply unattractive. Then they had to wait for the meds to take effect.
Once Amphitrite's teeth were removed, she grabbed Poseidon's arm and dragged him into the throne room. To her surprise, Hera was present.
"Queen Hewa!" Amphitrite slobbered (she still had the napkin on her), "this jerk-face wight hewe sucks. I wish to file for a divorce!"
"Well," said Hera, sliding down from her throne, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, sweetie, but if I'm to divorce the two of you, I'll need a signature from you. Since you just got your teeth pulled and you're high, it would be best if we wait to do this until you are fully recovered and sober."
"What size bra do you wear?" Amphitrite asked.
"Not sure," Hera snapped. "Get out of here before I kick you in the—"
"C'mon, drunkard," said Poseidon. "We must go to our palace because I must give you your medicine!"
Once they were back at the palace, Poseidon handed Amphitrite some pills and a glass of kelp soda. Amphitrite downed the soda, looked at Poseidon, and said sadly, "I…did I do something stupid today?"
"Why would you want to divorce me?" Poseidon said.
"You're just a bad husband," Amphitrite admitted. "When you get drunk, you call me Aphrodite. I know I said I'm not the jealous type, but right now, I feel pretty freaking hurt."
Poseidon thought that through. Instead of an apology, the best thing he could say was: "You wanna go upstairs and snuggle?"