CHAPTER 32: ASCLEPIUS PULLS HIS OWN TEETH
Asclepius was having wisdom teeth problems, so he made himself an appointment for that morning. He was about to walk into the waiting room, when he remembered that he had to do the procedure himself.
Dammit, he thought. I guess I'd better go get some tools from my medical office.
He dashed to his office on Olympus and picked up some forceps, Novocain, topical, and a small hand mirror. He had never done an extraction on anyone before, but he'd seen Apollo do it a few times, so he should be good, right?
Ha-ha! WRONG!
Asclepius sat himself down in the dental chair and put the napkin around his neck. Then he picked up a book called Dental Procedures and Their Guidelines. He flipped to the thirtieth chapter, which was entitled: Wisdom Tooth/Teeth Extraction(s).
"Step one," Asclepius said, "depending on the patient, keep them awake or put them to sleep. To put them to sleep, simply knock them out with chloroform—who wrote this?" He glanced at the author. Someone had scratched the author's name out with a sharpie and wrote: APOLLO THE AWESOME.
"Of course," said Asclepius, "my father would do that. Well, I guess I should get started." He turned on the light and grabbed the topical. "Gods, this is gonna hurt like a bitch," he groaned, but he stuck the topical in his mouth anyway and gave himself the Novocain.
While he was becoming numb, Asclepius read the rest of the articles that Apollo wrote. "When I put my patients to sleep, it's always best to use general anesthesia—way to go, Dad—but if you really want to, you can always use chloroform. Okay, I think I'm numb now."
Asclepius took the forceps, stuck them into his mouth, and grabbed his wisdom teeth. He heard much cracking noises coming from his jaw, but they came out easily. Then Asclepius' next task was to stitch himself up, so he did that pretty quickly, too. Then he rinsed a few times and headed to Apollo's office to rub it in his face.
"Dad," Asclepius drooled once Apollo opened his door. "Dad, I did it!"
"Good for you, kid," said Apollo sarcastically. "What did you do, exactly?"
"I pulled my own wisdom teeth out! I did the impossible!"
"I can see you're all happy, but you need rest, so go back to your puny, little temple in Greece and go night-night."
Asclepius shrugged and headed back to his temple.
Apollo looked after his kid and sighed. "Well, at least he found a good manual that teaches people how to pull their own wisdom teeth."
Yeah, that was bull! No flames, but the next chapter is way better!