Yay! Some of the gods are returning for other stuff! Hope you guys like it! Don't worry, most of them shall still be higher than Olympus! And—again—credit goes to Owlion12 for the Hebe ideas.

CHAPTER 33: FAMILY CLEANING DAY!

"Kids!" Zeus yelled. "Get down here and eat this extremely delicious-looking piece-of-crap dinner your mother has so generously prepared with all her sweat, blood, and tears!"

Ares, Hebe, Elytheia, and Hephaestus all ran downstairs. Zeus was already at the head of the table, positioning his knife and fork so that they were pointing straight up.

"Zeus," Hera snapped at him, "set an example for the children, honey."

Ares knew better than to stick his knife and fork into the air, but he did it anyway just to piss Hera off.

Hebe and Elytheia were in the middle of an argument.

"Ellie," said Hebe, "why can't I be the teacher? I'm older than you are!"

"Yeah, but you're also not as smart as I am because you're the goddess of eternal youth!" Elytheia snapped at her sister.

"Girls, that's enough," Zeus said calmly. "Hebe, you can't be the teacher because you can't count past ten. Elytheia, Hebe's getting smarter, so shut the hell up!"

Both goddesses looked at their father.

"Yeah," said Zeus, "you heard me."

Hera placed a huge pan of lasagna on the table. Zeus, Ares, and Hephaestus started to go for it, but Hera slapped their hands away with a spatula. "Ares, scoop Hebe some. Hephaestus, get some for Elytheia. And, Zeus, get some for me, dear."

When the lasagna was on everybody's plates, Hera struck up a conversation. "Ares, did you apply to war camp again this year?"

"Nah. I hated it last year."

"Why?"

"All they fed us was oatmeal! I swear, Aunty Demeter was there, making oatmeal while the rest of us fought things that don't exist!"

Hera glanced at Zeus.

"Son, if you don't want to go to war camp, we'll just send you to theater camp."

"NO!" Ares screamed. "NO, NO, NO! I want to go to war camp!"

"You know," said Hera, "we could just send him out of the house. That's just as good."

"Remind me again why he's living with us," Zeus said.

"He's living with us because his house caught fire and needs to be repainted," Hera said impatiently. "So, everyone, next week we'll be doing something extremely fun." She glanced at her kids. "Who wants to guess what it is?"

The kids thought about it.

"Mommy," Hebe said, "are we going to the park with you guys? Can we play house where I'm the mommy and all you guys are the babies?"

"No, Hebe," Hera cooed. "Elytheia?"

"Are we going to the childbirth museum so I can brag about what I know about delivering babies?"

"No," said Zeus. "Did you just make that up? Because I'm not sure there's a childbirth museum."

"No," said Ares. "We're going to plan World War III."

"War is wrong, Ares," said Hera.

"No it's not," said Zeus. "War is totally awesome…unless I lose."

"Are we building fireworks?" asked Hephaestus.

"No," Hera said. "You're all wrong. Next week, we're all getting our teeth cleaned!" She made it sound exciting, like a mom would do if she wanted to get her kids excited about cleaning their rooms.

"Yay!" Hebe screamed. "Do I get to pick the flavor of toothpaste?"

"Yes," Zeus replied.

"Now," said Hera, "go play together, everyone. You kids don't spend enough time together."

They all ran up to Hebe's room, where Hebe had placed all of her stuffed animals around her pretend tea party table. Her loft bed was covered with girly, pink, and frilly pillows that made Ares nauseous. On Hebe's desk underneath her loft, a lone coloring book was opened to a page with Cinderella on it.

"Heph," said Ares, "let's split, huh?"

"Yeah, I'd love to, but Mom said we have to play with Hebe and Ellie."

"You guys can pick the game," said Hebe.

"Let's play tag," Ares said.

"No running in the house," Hera nagged as she carried a laundry basket into Hebe's room. "Hebe, honey, let's put your jammies on. Would you like your flower jammies from Aunty Demeter or your nighttime jammies from Aunty Hestia?"

"I want my flower jammies, Mommy!" Hebe said.

And so the boys had to watch Hebe get undressed and into her pajamas. Ares and Hephaestus had never felt so awkward in their lives.

"Why don't you kids play castle," suggested Zeus.

"Okay! I gets to be the princess, 'cause I'm the prettiestest goddess!" Hebe screamed.

"It's just one –est, dear," Zeus corrected gently.

"Can I be the royal boxer?" asked Hephaestus.

"No, Hephie," said Hebe. "You have to be the royal slave! The royal slave's job is to make sure everyone is following orders if they're not royal."

"I don't get it."

"You'll get it, trust me," Hebe insisted. "Let's start the game. Ares, you're gonna be the prince, and Ellie, you'll be the queen. Daddy!"

"What?" Zeus asked, poking his head into the room.

"Daddy, you wanna be the king?"

"Sure, honey."

Hebe gave him a fake, golden crown and Zeus put it on his head. Ares didn't get a crown because Hebe only had two of them. Elytheia got a crown, but Hebe didn't.

"Okay, everyone," said Hebe, "the Royal Court is now starting! Everyone sit down on your thrones and we'll get started!"

Everyone sat on the floor.

"Everybody," said Hebe, "we have a problem. We need to get rid of the evil monster named Kronos! He's the bad guy, okay, guys?"

"Excuse me," said Zeus indignantly, "but I am the king, and I should be leading the meeting here. Not you."

Hebe started to cry and ran out of the room.

She ran all the way to Hera's room, where Hera was folding clothes. "Mommy," Hebe whined, "Daddy's not playing castle right!"

"ZEUS!" Hera yelled. "GET IN HERE!"

Zeus waltzed into the room. "Yes, queenie?"

"Zeus, play nice with your daughter, or you'll be the one doing the dishes tonight, not me."

"Fine," snapped Zeus. "Let's go, Hebe."

When they got back to Hebe's room, the bathroom door was shut and they all heard Ares humming to himself.

"What's Ares doing?" asked Hebe.

"He's taking his evening poop," said Elytheia. "And he's humming a lame song that no one likes."

"Why can't he just freaking live with freaking Aphrodite?" asked Hephaestus. "I don't like her."

"No one likes her," said Zeus.

The door to the bathroom opened and Ares walked out. "Ah…" he sighed with relief. "That's better."

"That's nice, son," said Zeus, pulling a face. "We're going to play a different game now so Daddy and Mommy can get busy with something."

"What're you guys getting busy with?" asked Hebe.

"Uh…well…" said Zeus, "we're going to try for another baby, Hebe."

"Oh," Hebe squealed with delight. "I LOVE babies!"

"I know you do. Now play with your siblings and Mommy and Daddy will go make one." Zeus ran out of the room and shut the door behind him.

Hebe clapped her hands. "Who wants to play hospital?"

"Well, it's either hospital or school," said Elytheia. "Let's make up some characters, Hebe. You can be the doctor."

"Yay!"

"Ares, you're the nurse."

"Fine."

"Heph, you can be the x-ray technician," Elytheia finished. "I'll be delivering the babies."

Hebe dug around in her closet full of dress-up clothes and threw a fake nurse's jacket at Ares. "Put that on," she told him. "That's what nurses wear!"

Ares put on the pink, flower-patterned nurse's jacket and stepped into the hallway. Hebe took out her doctor toys and put on a fake lab coat. Elytheia found her white robe and put it on. Hephaestus just stayed dressed in his gray mechanic's uniform he wore all the time.

"Guys," said Hephaestus, "we need a patient."

"Mommy and Daddy!" Hebe yelled.

"But they're having sex!" Ares snapped at her.

"What's sex?" asked Hebe.

"It means they're kissing a lot," Hephaestus said quickly. He shoved Ares.

"Nice save," Ares muttered under his breath. "I guess I'll be the patient, Hebe."

"Okay. I'm Dr. Hebe, Ares. What's the problem today?"

"Uh…I'm constipated."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I can't poop!"

"Can we play another game?" asked Elytheia. "This is stupid."

There was a knock on Hebe's door and Hera walked in. "Hi," she cooed to Hebe. "What're you kids playing?"

"We were playing hospital, Mommy," said Hebe bitterly, "but Ellie says it's stupid. And then Ares said you and Daddy were having sex…whatever that means."

Hera dragged Ares by the ear into the bathroom and locked him in there for a "time-out".

"How about we play dentist?" suggested Zeus, walking into the room. "It's almost bedtime, Hebe. Go brush your teeth."

"Mommy, can you help me, please?" Hebe begged Hera.

"Of course."

Hera led Hebe into the bathroom…and told Ares to get out. Hera put her daughter on the counter, took out some toothpaste, and brought Hebe's toothbrush out. Hebe's toothbrush was pink with Ariel from "The Little Mermaid" on it.

"Do you want bubblegum or strawberry tonight?" Hera asked.

"Strawberry," Hebe said.

The laundry machine went off and Hera had to run to get it, so King Zeusy took over helping Hebe brush her teeth.

"Uh…okay," said Zeus. "Open your mouth so Daddy can brush your teeth for you."

"No, you're doing it all wrong," Hebe said, folding her arms. "Mommy sings that song to me while she helps me!"

"Oh. Fine." And Zeus sang that "This is the way we brush our teeth" song. "Spit," he told her.

Once Hebe rinsed and spat into the sink, Zeus tucked his daughter into her loft (meaning he kissed her before she climbed up the ladder).

ONE WEEK LATER…

"Kids!" yelled Zeus. "We're going to be late for our appointments! Hurry up!"

The four gods came rushing down the stairs. Zeus and Hera led their kids to the throne room, where they waited for their names to be called.

Hebe ran to Hera. "Mommy, can you read this book to me?"

Hera read Hebe Goodnight Moon, and before they knew it, Hebe's name was called.

"Rhea!" yelled Hebe, hugging the Titaness of motherhood.

"Hi, Hebe. Are you ready for your appointment today?" Rhea asked.

"Yep! I brushed real good last night!"

"Good girl," Rhea cooed. "Well, we're ready for you guys. Come on back."

When they walked back, Kronos appeared in front of them. He was wearing a mask with fake blood on it because he wanted to give them the impression he was still a jerk.

"Ah," said Kronos, "welcome to my death chamber—I mean, dentist office. I see Miss Hebe's appointment is first today."

"Mommy," said Hebe as Hera held her by the hand, "I think I'm running a tempa-chur."

"You'll be just fine," said Zeus, picking his daughter up and putting her into the chair.

Kronos slid over to Hebe and leaned the chair backwards. "Open wide!" he ordered. "Or I'll make you bleed really bad and I'll laugh at you for all eternity! Mwa ha ha!"

"He's kidding, Hebe," said Hera reassuringly. "Right, Mother Rhea?"

"Yes," Rhea said, glaring at Kronos.

"Who said I was kidding?" Kronos demanded. "I love torturing people!"

"No, you're not going to do this procedure today," Rhea said. "I will."

"Yay, you're nice to me!" Hebe giggled.

"What flavor of toothpaste would you like today, Hebe?" Rhea asked sweetly.

"What is there?"

"I've got mint, mint-chocolate, bubblegum, strawberry, and—for some reason—dirt."

"My idea," Kronos said from the counter.

"Be quiet," Rhea snapped. She whacked him across the face and Kronos fell unconscious at her feet. "What flavor, Hebe?"

"Bubblegum!" Hebe giggled. "And can Daddy sit with me?"

"Of course he can," said Rhea.

Zeus climbed into the chair and Hebe sat in his lap. While Rhea was cleaning Hebe's teeth, Hebe giggled and squirmed, so it's a good thing Zeus was there to hold her still so the appointment wouldn't last three years.

"Who's next?" Rhea asked.

Hera, Zeus, Ares, and Hephaestus went before Rhea finally turned to Elytheia. "Elytheia, we'll need to take a few x-rays because we think your wisdom teeth are impacted."

Once the x-rays showed up on the computer, Rhea looked at them with Hera and Zeus. "So," Rhea said, "they're really impacted. So I want her to come back in a week and we'll rip them out."

"Mother, I'll go ahead and do it," said Hera.

"Whatever floats your boat," said Rhea. She turned to the kids. "Who wants a sticker?"

"I DO!" Hebe screamed, jumping up and down.

Hebe was the only one who actually wanted a sticker, so Rhea peeled a huge one off of its wrapper and stuck it to the front of Hebe's shirt.

Later that night, Hera and Zeus were talking about the dentist appointments that day.

"I'll plan on doing the surgery next week on Friday afternoon," said Hera. "I just need an assistant."

"Mommy!"

Hebe came running down the stairs of the palace and tugged on Hera's skirt. "Mommy, can I help?"

Since Hera didn't like the word no when she talked to Hebe, she smiled and said: "Of course you can."

"Yay! I get to help Mommy rip Ellie's teeth out!" And she ran back upstairs, where she was making a pillow fort with Ares.

In Hebe's bedroom, she and Ares were busy building their pillow fort. Once it was complete, Hebe looked at Ares, who was in the middle of marking a globe with a permanent marker. "What're you doing there, Are?"

"Planning World War III," said Ares. "See, I think I'll attack France first, then I'll get some other country. I won't have the US get involved at all this time, because once they get involved, the war's usually over anyway. So I'll have to do some more thinking and planning."

"But that's 'Thena's job," Hebe said.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm not that stupid, Hebe."

"You're right. You're just stupid enough to not know that Aphrodite cheats on you every night." Hebe put her hand to her mouth. "Oopsie! That was our little secret."